Doctor Satyromaniac
by animechick132
Summary: "D-Dr. Li, this is extremely inappropriate for our current situation," she stuttered as Syaoran nibbled gently on her ear. "This will be the last time I do this, and I'll stop, remember?" He kissed her in a spot that he knew every woman loved, and from the way she responded, he knew that he had her right where he wanted her. He just didn't know how wrong his declaration was...
1. The Prologue

**Full Summary: Li Syaoran is an illustrious doctor of the small town in Japan called, Tomoeda. Everyone reverences him because of his talented skills in the ER. What most people aren't aware of, is the one thing that he struggles with every second of the day. This doesn't remain unnoticed for too long when a psychologist meddles her way into his life in the most predictable way. Syaoran never expected to like her, so how did he find himself pulling the psychologist into his unhealthy lifestyle?**

* * *

 **"Prologue"**

* * *

After lying in the room for a solid hour with my eyes closed, they were finally beginning to adjust to the darkness that the room possessed.

What I encountered was something so familiar that I had loved from the moment I saw. Beautiful, luscious, auburn locks in my face as I looked down at the angel lying on my bare chest.

My arms were wrapped securely around her small waist, being sure that her naked body remained molded against mine.

I was used to waking up to the angel lying on my chest like this and I could not help but feel a sense of pride course through my blood, staring at her exhausted form on me.

She was worn out because of my earlier ministrations on her body. As sick as it may have sounded, I was proud of it. I had already taken her three times today, but my body still was not fully satisfied of her yet, especially knowing that the naked goddess was enmeshed in my arms, in _my_ bed.

The thought of her in my bed always aroused me more than it probably should have, so it was no surprise when I felt myself rising under the covers. There had been countless of women in my arms before, but none of them had ever had the same effect on me like this goddess does.

She stirred in her sleep and a slight moan escaped her mouth. Instantly, my manhood enlarged more than it already had.

It was always like this with her and there had still been no explanation for it. After the many therapy sessions that we had together over the past months, this was still not resolved. We did not know why my body reacted this way to her. It was almost scary how she had this effect on me. There was a love-hate relationship between us.

That was nothing to worry about right now, though. Not at a time like this, because there was a thing under the blanket that needed to be taken care of as soon as possible if I wanted to get some shut eye in.

Mentally groaning, my hand slid down my body slowly, avoiding the angel lying on my chest, and grasped my problem. There was no point in waking her up when it was something that could be handled by my own hand. She was tired, so she needed to rest for a bit at least.

Thankfully, it was still wet from being cradled inside of her.

My hand began to stroke up and down the shaft slowly as a mental image of Sakura straddling my waist, while riding me invaded my mind.

My hand tightened around myself, thinking about how tight she always was around me. After a few slow strokes, they became faster as the seconds passed, thinking about her.

My body could just feel her petite body on top of mine; riding me faster and faster as her tight core squeezed the blood out of me; her moans loud as my name dripped from her lips like honey...

The muscles in my lower abdomen began to tighten and my hand tightened around myself and stroked even faster, keeping my mouth shut tightly so noise would not be made to wake the goddess up in my other arm. I was _so_ close.

A soft hand touched mine and my stroking immediately came to a halt.

"Syaoran..." That damn euphonious voice…

Not being able to resist the urge, my hand moved to grab a hold of her smaller one, making her wrap her own soft hand around me.

A gasp tumbled from my lips when her soft fingers enraptured me tightly.

There were no doubts about my upcoming orgasm quickly. Her fingers alone were sending waves of electricity throughout my entire body like they always had. They were making me feel a fire throughout my entire body as they _always_ had.

A hiss escaped my mouth as her hand capitulated to my silent demand. Her stroking started to increase in its pace quickly, making every single fiber on my skin tingle sensationally.

I moved my hand up from her waist, to her head and grabbed her soft locks a little roughly, pulling her head up against mine so my lips could capture hers in a tight lip lock.

She sighed into my mouth as my tongue probed her lips apart. Her stroking never seized while my tongue invaded her mouth, licking every inch and crevice of it. She tasted _so_ damn good…

She had become my new addiction over the last months that we had been together like this...

We had been at this for months and my body was not even remotely close to being used to those sounds she made at my touch. To her soft hair, silky skin, and those lips…

My body began to tremble, silently warning me and her that my release was close. My other hand that was not occupied grabbed the sheets tightly and my toes curled uncontrollably when her fingers began to stroke me even faster.

A loud groan slipped pass my mouth into hers as my essence spilled all over her hand.

It was embarrassing to have released so early on, but those fingers...

That hair...

That naked, silky skin against mine...

My body automatically became aroused again at those thoughts. A groan of protest left my mouth when she moved her hand from my body.

"This has to stop, Syaoran," her euphonious voice chastised me softly.

A smirk crept onto my lips and my grip remained tight in her soft locks. "I know baby, but you know that I can't get enough of you. Just one more round, I promise," I almost begged. "You can't get enough of this cock anyway." My hot breath brushed against her ear, using the husky tone that always turned her on.

My lips moved over to her face and captured hers again in a hot kiss, but she pulled back immediately, to my dismay.

She frowned at me. "No, Syaoran...really, this needs to stop. We can't keep doing this."

"Why not?" I asked as my tone was dripping with irritation.

She had been avoiding me for almost a _month_ and she was finally in my bed again, where she belonged. Her games were beginning to piss me off.

"You know why..." she said it so softly that instantly, regret washed over my entire body because of my rude tone of voice with her.

I disregarded the feeling, though. "No, I don't know why actually. You've been avoiding me for the past couple of weeks and it's been driving me insane. You know I can't fucking be away from you for that long, yet you've made me endure it!"

Her eyes softened and both of her hands moved up to my face. Her fingers caressed my cheeks, lovingly.

At any other time, my body would have loved it. But she was doing it again — _this_ again. The fucking sympathy trick that she had used on me this entire time during our therapy sessions together.

"It's not right for me to be with a patient like this. Especially one who has an addiction to —"

"Don't say it!"

No one liked to hear this type of shit like it was not a problem, so why was she trying to provoke me at a time like this?

I was fucking harder than a rock for her and she had the desire to remind me of that shit. She knew how much hatred my heart held for the addiction, yet she still shoved it in my face like it was cake and ice cream.

"Syaoran, you know I didn't mean it like that—"

I cut her off with my lips from further speaking, in a bruising kiss. My body automatically found its way on top of hers as my tongue and teeth assaulted her mouth roughly, taking each breath, she exhaled.

She needed to be punished, just like she had punished me for these last torturous weeks. She would never understand how she made me feel mentally, emotionally, and physically. It was just too much for me and I hated it. I did not want to feel this way about her, but her mind-fucking games were like a spell. I could not get rid of them no matter how hard I tried to.

I licked the surfaces in her mouth wildly, as my hand roughly slid up her naked torso and grabbed the familiar soft, but firm mound while my other hand moved down between us to spread her legs open for me.

My mouth abandoned hers and traveled down to her neck, leaving hot, wet kisses and a few licks with my hot tongue. My fingers rubbed between her legs a little rougher than normal, causing her legs to automatically close. However, my body made it between them before they could.

She moaned out loud when my lips enraptured her collarbone, one of my favorite places.

My teeth grazed against it a little harder than normal, punishing her for all the crimes she had committed to me. A familiar moan of pain and pleasure escaped her mouth, to my satisfaction.

The head of my manhood brushed against her lips while my tongue snaked out on her collarbone, to ease the pain that was caused.

My hand started to squeeze her mound roughly before my fingers moved down to her perky, hard nipple and tweaked it.

She moaned in ecstasy and during mid-moan, my hips pushed into hers, burying myself deep inside of her. A loud groan slipped from my mouth at the sensation of how tight and ready she was for me.

My hips began to thrust in and out of her fast and hard, not even caring if she adjusted to me yet. She felt _so_ good, it was almost hard to stop. Thankfully, I heard her moaning in pleasure instead of pain as my rhythm increased and my mouth found hers again in another hard, bruising kiss to punish her.

She tried to respond back just as hard, but failed miserably because it was not in her nature to punish anyone, even though she had punished me mentally and emotionally without knowing it.

My hips kept thrusting in and out of her, feeling encouraged by the loud thumping of my headboard against the wall.

She began to tighten around me and we both moaned into the others mouth. She was so close...

My hand slid down between our bodies and my finger started to rub her pleasure bud quickly. My hips began to pound into hers harder and faster all the while.

Flesh against flesh, and breathy moans and groans was the only thing that could be heard throughout the room.

"Say my name…" My hips slammed against hers harder as I held onto her shoulders so she did not slide back from the force of my thrusts.

"Sy—"

My thrusting quickened if that was even possible and her moans became louder and shrieked in ecstasy as if she was some wild animal. She had never made such noises before while we were doing this. The sounds were turning me on even more.

" _Now_ Sakura!" I commanded with clenched teeth.

It was harsh to demand such a thing when she could barely speak because of my rough assaults on her body, but I needed to hear it from her lips for me to be pushed over the edge. It was what _always_ pushed me over.

My hips thrust even faster and harder against hers, making the thumping against the wall become louder. It was now a mission to make it harder for her to speak. My body loved to see and feel the ecstasy that it brought to hers whenever our bodies were joined together.

"Syaoran!"

She tightened around me, moaning loudly and convulsed around my manhood, while digging her nails into my back painfully as she trembled underneath me.

That pushed me over the edge and I climaxed, spilling deep inside of her warm cavern.

I pulled out of her and laid on the bed beside her, so I did not crush her small frame. Panting was the only thing that could be heard throughout the entire room before reality came crashing back down on me.

She was trying to end us or whatever the fuck we had. She would not be the one to end this, though.

"Syaoran...we can't—"

"Get the hell out, Sakura. I'm done with your mind games fucking with my head."

My breathing was still uneven, but it was beginning to come at an even pace finally.

"But Syaoran—"

I glared at her dangerously, almost daring her to say anything else to me. She seemed to take the hint because she flinched back from me, which was okay to me for a first.

She stood up from the bed quietly with tears threatening to spill from her eyes. A look that never sat well in my stomach.

I looked away from her sparkling, emerald eyes, not being able to take that look any longer.

She slipped one of my large shirts on that reached past her mid-thigh, and then left the room and my apartment without another word.

She did not even bother to grab her own clothes before leaving me in my apartment alone.

For once, I felt happy that she did not even bother to look back at me and beg me to forgive her so she could help me understand.

I was done playing the patient with the problem who desperately needed her help.

* * *

 **What really happened between these two doctors to cause such a bad outcome?**


	2. The Problem

**"The Problem"**

* * *

 _Beep, beep_.

 _Beep, beep._

 _Beep, beep._

The pager existed to ruin the peace in a doctor's life. It was not scientifically proven yet, but it did not take a genius to know that it did. A patient lived to stay sick—or the small town known as Tomoeda, would never stay out of trouble, was what Li Syaoran liked to think.

 _Beep, beep._

The beeping sound nearly drove him insane before he decided to rise from his lying state on the uncomfortable bed.

He looked around the room before rubbing the sleep from his heavy-lidded eyes. The room looked so familiar to him, even though his eyes had not adjusted to his surroundings yet. After they adjusted, he remembered where he was.

This room was like his second home, along with all the other doctors. It was known as the on-call room, or what most of the doctors loved to refer it to, the doctor's mess.

This was the room for the doctors, nurses, and interns, who worked at the hospital for those long hour shifts, or the ones who were expected to be called in, early in the morning.

It was seldom that any of them received the privilege to occupy that room, though. The hospital was often chaotic in Tomoeda, considering that it was the only hospital in town, so they were always running around like chickens with their heads chopped off.

Syaoran stood from the bed and reached over to grab his estetoscopio. He allowed it to rest around his neck before he rushed out of the room. It seemed like today would be one of those days at Tomoeda Central Hospital.

He rushed to the floor of the hospital where the emergency entrance was located. His eyes scanned the room until they landed on the source of the chaos. There was a uniformed cop lying on a gurney while being pushed by several nurses and the other doctors and interns were tending to his wounds.

The cop had been shot several times throughout his body so there was blood all over his uniform with torn pieces. The gurney was filled with his blood as he laid unconscious on it.

"Dr. Li! He's been shot four times!" one of the doctors shouted over the entire ruckus that was being caused in the hospital.

One of the nurses explained everything about the man's current condition before Syaoran concluded what should be done.

"We need to stop the bleeding and apply a sterile dressing over Officer Jing's wounds. I hope no one has applied any physical contact with any of the wounds."

Everyone shook their heads, or addressed that they had not, so he continued. "We need to immediately administer antibiotics to treat any and every infectious bacteria that could have possibly been carried into the wounds by his clothing or even the debris from the bullets itself," he instructed to everyone as they all rushed to the room, while several of the doctors and nurses were trying to put pressure on the areas where the blood poured out.

After they reached the room, the officer's uniform was being cut open with scissors quickly so they could have a look at the wounds on his body. When his uniform shirt was cut opened, Syaoran saw that he had no bullet proof vest on.

 _What cop goes out on duty without a bulletproof vest?_ He wondered.

There were holes located on his brachium, abdominal, and the top of his acromial looked like it was grazed with the bullet. The side of his head was also grazed by the bullet from what an outsider could see of his wound. His entire torso was covered in blood as cloths were being placed over each of the holes that the blood was spilling from.

 _How the hell was this man called on duty when he had no form of protection on?_

After they stopped the bleeding and tended to the wounds, an X-ray was ran on his body since there were no holes on the opposite side of the man's body. That meant that some of the bullets were still located in his body somewhere.

Syaoran stared at the results of it and began to contemplate what should be done with the man.

He turned to all of the workers in the room after figuring it out. "Two of the bullets will have to remain. This one here," Syaoran pointed to an area on the monitor. "It's too close to one of his vital organs—his spine. Removing it will cause possible further damage. If it's removed, there could be a high risk for an anesthesia and surgery that could create a bigger problem than the bullet already has."

Everyone looked at the screen, looking deep in thought about Syaoran's conclusion.

"Well, let's get him to the second floor so we can remove the bullets that need to go and get him patched up," he instructed and everyone obliged to his demand.

Tomoeda Central Hospital had the best doctors in the country, so the outcome of the process should be that the man lived if there were no stupid accidents made.

* * *

"Good job today, everybody! We saved lives and revived some who were nearly close to death. You should all pat yourselves on the back for that," Syaoran praised everyone at the end of the day.

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with huge grins on their faces. Some even clapped their hands to the assertion.

Being a doctor was probably the most gratifying job a person could ever have. Having the power to fix someone with your own hands was incredible, because not everyone had that gift.

"You may clock out for those of you whose shifts are over. The rest of you, stay on your duties and don't slack. Be sure to keep your pagers on you at all times."

"Yes, sir!" And they all dispersed, except for one of the interns.

Maiko...

She was an intern with long, brunette hair and hazel eyes. If someone asked Syaoran, she was not the best-looking female around, but there were a few perks about her that he liked. She would have to do for now.

He sent her one of his signature smirks before walking down the hall, to the elevator. He pressed the highest floor, and waited for the elevator to ding. Luckily, everyone had already left the hall so he did not really have much to worry about.

He walked to one of the rooms that were not occupied by anyone, as usual. Everyone had gone home for the night, so there would be no interruptions if things panned out how they were supposed to for him.

His body had been feeling the urge for the past four hours, but with everything going on at the hospital, he had been completely distracted. Things were calmer now and all the patients were resting their eyes, so he had the chance to get what he had craved for hours.

Five tortuous minutes passed before the door slid open, revealing the one and only Maiko.

 _Finally!_

"Sorry for making you wait, Dr. Li."

She walked towards him slowly, swaying her hips in the process. It was obvious what her intentions were, but they were not really doing Syaoran any good. He did not normally need anything extra to get him going because he was always ready.

He met her half way, taking larger steps instead and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her to him.

"About damn time you got here."

He pressed his lower body against hers and kissed her lips, roughly. She automatically responded back as Syaoran's hands began their ministrations on her body.

It did not take him long to get the woman turned on before he was able to get his own release from her. It took approximately fifteen minutes for him to finish with Maiko.

They were now pulling their scrubs back up and fixing their clothes after Syaoran discarded the used condom.

"Thank you, Dr. Li. See you around." She sent him a wink.

He gave her a slight nod and she slid the door opened, slipping out the room like nothing ever occurred between them.

Syaoran sighed and sat on the couch in front of the table, feeling a little exhausted. His body was not nearly satisfied yet, so he concluded that he might needed to find someone else to do the job.

Before he had the chance to think of a woman, the door slid opened and a groan slipped from his mouth after seeing who it was.

"What the hell do you want, Hiiragizawa?"

Eriol chuckled and walked in the room, closing the door behind him. "You guys weren't necessarily quiet, if that's what you're asking."

He pushed up his wired-glasses with a smirk on his face that never failed to piss Syaoran off. They had known each other longer than a decade and Syaoran hated the man. There was something about Hiiragizawa Eriol's existence that pissed Syaoran off and he never even cared to know why.

Syaoran glared at him. "You wouldn't have heard anything if you weren't looking to find anything that you could hear."

Eriol chuckled again and Syaoran grew more infuriated with the man than necessary. "What's so damn funny?" he barked at the navy-blue haired man.

Eriol held up his hand. "Calm down, _Dr_. Li. You know more than I do to get your blood pressure so high," he said mockingly.

Syaoran's fists clenched, itching to punch the smug look off his face. "What do you want?"

"I can't just come up and have a nice conversation with the chief?"

"You're normally trying to get at something whenever you're around."

Eriol held up his hand defensively again. "You caught me. I was just checking to see if you decided to get any help with your problems yet."

Syaoran's fists slammed against the table loudly. "Get your damn nose out of my fucking business!"

"Calm down, I'm just being a caring cousin, worried about your health. You should take this and check it out." He sat a small card on the table.

Syaoran looked down at it, confused out of his mind about the strange piece of laminated card. He turned back to the man sitting across from him. "What the hell is this?"

"Assistance to your mental health." He stood from the seat and pushed his glasses up again with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"I'll see you later," Eriol said with a smirk on his face and walked out.

Syaoran sighed and laid back on the couch, feeling exhausted.

The urge was gone, so he decided that sleep was the better option for him now since he barely did that.

He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Alright, your stitching is all done, Ms. Chiho."

"Thank goodness. I don't know what I'm going to do with those crazy kids. They drive me insane every second of the day."

Ms. Chiho was a middle-aged, widow woman with five boys who were all under the age of 12. Her husband had died just a year ago in a car crash, leaving her to fend for them by herself. She was a regular patient in the hospital because of the many injuries her rambunctious boys' behaviors caused.

Syaoran chuckled and shook his head. "Are you starting to think that they're doing things on purpose to hurt you, Ms. Chiho?" he teased.

She burst into a fit of laughter and slapped his arm softly, shaking her head. "Now that you mentioned it, I think you may have a point there, honey."

"Do I need to give them a reason to be scared to cause danger to their mom again? You know I have your back."

"Please do. This was an accident, though. I can assure you. The twins were playing rough with each other with things they weren't supposed to have. They had blades—which I'm not even sure where they found them. I'm sure there are no blades at the house, so they must have taken them from someone at school." She shook her head again, looking deep in thought suddenly.

"Where could they have found such a thing? I'll have to talk to the principle at their school. Those rules need to be pressed more about no weapons at school, don't they?"

"Of course, they do. Are the kids here now?"

"Yes, they're in the waiting room with their uncle. I don't even trust the boys to sit in a room together without a guardian. The twins—who are the oldest, are still grieving their father's death and are taking their anger out on any and every one." She looked down at the bandage on her arm that he had just finished wrapping.

"How about I give them a little pep talk whenever I find some time off? Maybe I can hang with them."

Her eyes began to water as she looked up at him, hopefully. "Will you really? I don't know what else to do with them and they are refusing to see a therapist."

His fists clenched at the mention of a therapist, feeling slightly triggered by that word. "Definitely, I will be sure to make time for them. How about I get someone to get them now so they can see their mother's okay after their outrageous behavior? They're probably worried sick about you." He wiped the tear that had streamed down her pale cheek with a smile on his face.

She let out a short laugh and shook her head. "Look at me being all emotional in front of my doctor. Of course, I want you to go and get my kids, boy!"

Syaoran chuckled and popped her forehead lightly. "You know I'm not _just_ your doctor. I'm much more than that." He kissed her forehead and then called for one of the interns to come over.

"Yes, Dr. Li?"

"Go and get Ms. Chiho's kids so they can come and see their mom."

"Yes sir," he said before leaving to follow the order.

He turned back to Ms. Chiho, who was smiling at him warmly. "Have you decided to get help with your problem, honey?" she whispered, so he was the only one who could hear her.

His body stiffened and he looked at her questioningly. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me, boy. I know too much for you to be trying to take me for a fool," she softly chastised him.

She had known for years about his problem, but he never acknowledged any of her confrontations. He could never do it.

He sighed and looked back to find that intern he had just sent away to get her kids.

"You're not getting out of this that easily, young man. I've been keeping your name clean around this town long enough. I want you to get better—"

"Ms. Chiho, please. Can we not talk about this—here of all places? I'm perfectly fine."

She gave him a knowing look and he groaned in annoyance. "Alright, alright, I won't press on it too much. I still want answers at some point of time. You know the mess that I had to get you out of some years back."

"Thank you, your kids are coming now," he announced when he saw them running up to the two of them.

"Mom! We are so sorry. We won't play any of our games for a week—"

" _No,_ two months! We really are sorry and didn't mean to cause you to get hurt—"

"Please forgive us?"

Ms. Chiho smiled at the two boys and opened her arms for them. They both jumped into her arms and hugged her tightly as the other three boys sat back, watching.

"No tv, games, or sports for the rest of the month and next month. No hanging out with any of your friends outside of school either. You will be coming straight home and do your homework for the next two months straight," she said in their ears dangerously.

Syaoran had to suppress the urge to laugh in their faces.

"No TV?! But Mom—! "

"No tv, games, or sports for the next two months or hanging out with our friends Mom, right Kiro?" The older twin gave his brother the look that says, 'your ass better agree or you'll be the one in this hospital bed.'

Kiro sighed and nodded his head. "No tv, games, sports or hanging out with friends for the next two months, Mom," he repeated after his brother, sadly.

"Good. Now move it you two, I need to hug my favorite boys," she joked before gently pushing the two boys out of the way.

The other three boys moved over to her and hugged her. "We're glad you're okay, Mom," one of them said in her neck.

They really were good boys, but they did need a male figure in their life or simply someone that they could look up to.

"Your Mom's going to be able to leave the hospital soon, so why don't you boys go back in the waiting room so we can get her discharged, alright?"

"Yes sir, Dr. Li." They all scrambled out of the room after entangling their arms from around their mother.

He chuckled, looking after them. "Yes, I'll definitely find time to get together with the boys."

She smiled at him softly and rested her hand on his. "Thank you, Syaoran. You really don't know how much that means to me. They already look up to you for the hard work you put into your job."

"I'm glad about that then— _really_ , I am. You know that I'm always willing to do anything for you anyway, Ms. Chiho." He winked at her.

Her cheeks colored before she smacked his head, laughing. "Child, your charms will **not** work on me like they do on all these other young, foolish girls in this town," she said, standing up from the bed.

He gave her his signature smirk and she rolled her eyes at him.

"You wound me. I'm not _that_ bad, though, come on, admit it. "

"Get the damn papers, so I can get out of this hell-hole, boy."

Syaoran chuckled and grabbed the papers and started to write up the discharge orders on her chart.

* * *

"Oh, Dr. Li! Harder!" His hips pounded against the blonde's bum harder, succumbing to her demands. She was on her hands and knees, one of his favorite positions to take a woman in.

He thrust faster, before his climax came faster than he had anticipated it to.

His breathing became normal after a few more seconds before he pulled out of her, being sure to hold her weak form up. He slid the used condom off before discarding it like he always did.

It was like a routine for him. He would never tire from it, even if he tried to. He never thought to change it either because he was obsessed with it.

The feeling that he had when sliding that piece of article off his body was so satisfying. It made him feel like he had just accomplished something after satisfying his body. The piece of article that was always discarded was just a physical symbolism that showed that he was satisfied. It was not like a used condom could really make him satisfied. It was the act itself, which was being inside of a woman.

Being inside of a woman was probably the most beautiful feeling in the world to him. To feel her walls enrapture his manhood was an indescribable feeling that no one would ever understand like he did. Not a single person would ever be able to compete with his desire to do such a thing, he believed.

Shaking his head from the thoughts, he pulled the scrubs up his legs and stood from the position before helping Haruko up from the floor.

"What is this?" she asked, holding up a small, square card.

Syaoran retrieved it from her hand and examined the piece of laminated card.

It was a business card, but not any business card. It was the business card that his cousin had left a few days ago.

"It's nothing. I'm going to head out. Thanks..." he said awkwardly and slipped the card in his scrub pocket.

"You know that I'll always be around if you need a good fucking, right?" she said seductively, letting her slim fingers slide up his scrub shirt.

Syaoran smiled at her, not feeling the least bit turned on by her. He grabbed her hands under his shirt and pecked her lips lightly. "I know. I'll be sure to call you when I need it," he lied, and then slipped out the room, away from her.

This was almost a part of his routine when the girls would not leave after the sex. It was like a cycle that never seized to disappear. He would have to lie to them and make them feel special, like they meant something to him or they offered him great sex.

They were not terrible, but his expectations were high because he had been with the best. He probably knew every prostitute in the small town. He had been to every strip club in the town and had experience with all those women when he needed a release.

It was not like the women he slept with were not aware of the boundaries that he held, though. Sticking around and talking was not necessary when there were other better things to do. The faster they finished, the faster he could recover before his body felt the urge again.

Most of the women were aware that he did not want anything from them, besides sex. It was that simple. The man did not have much that he could offer them anyway, besides money and sex. Loyalty and commitment were out of the equation. No one necessarily wanted to take a man like him home to their parents.

Syaoran was the guy with the red flags every girl looked for; the guy that women would never take serious in a relationship. This was the reason that he did not have a girlfriend, nor had he ever had the desire to want one. With as much sex he wanted, no one would ever want to take on that baggage.

He had girlfriends in the past, but they never lasted. He never cheated physically, but he required too much work and the women could not take it.

Syaoran sighed, shaking his head from the thoughts as he headed home after changing out of his scrubs, putting them in the locker room. He clocked out, feeling extremely tired that day. It was 1am and he had to be right back up at seven the upcoming morning.

Being a doctor was very rewarding for him, but it could take a huge part of his life away. That was just another added on reason why he did not have a girlfriend. He never had the desire to find time for women, unless it involved sex.

When Syaoran arrived home, he slipped out of his clothes and changed into more comfortable clothes, sitting the other ones on top of the laundry basket.

Something dropped to the floor from his pants pocket. He looked down to see that it was the same card Eriol had given him again.

He groaned in frustration, believing that the card was haunting him. He picked it up, examining it again, but instead, he started to read the details on it this time.

It was a card to a psychologist in town named Kinomoto Sakura. There was an address to the location of her office and her phone number.

His fists clenched, while reading what she specialized in.

He knew that his cousin was giving him the card for a specific reason, but he did not know why he would. Syaoran had always known that his cousin thought that he could tell everyone what kind of problems they had, even if he did not know them.

For years, Eriol had told him that he had an addiction, but Syaoran never believed him because he knew himself more than anyone could. He never thought that there was a problem with wanting to have sex with multiple partners a day. He believed that it was completely normal to do, even if he kept it a secret from the public eye. No one needed to know about his sex life anyway. It was no one's business what he did in the bedroom. Or the hospital.

He threw the card down on the washing machine angrily, feeling bitter about the business card suddenly.

He already had his mind set about psychologists anyway. They were all the same in his eyes, thinking they know everything about people because they attended school for six to eight years.

He had done school for more than twelve years, so he automatically assumed that, that could make him think that he was smarter than most, but he did not think like that. He liked to think of himself as a humble person who was on the level of everyone else.

To him, psychologists had some sort of mind-reading capability, while they rested their lazy asses in a chair behind a desk with a notepad in their hands, pretending to care about people problems while they bawled their eyes out about life.

They were greedy, manipulative people who were after money. It was at that moment when he concluded that this Kinomoto Sakura was not going to get a red dime from him.

He retrieved the card back in his hand and headed to the kitchen angrily. He folded it in half and then threw it in the garbage can.

He moved over to the refrigerator, opening it to grab out the large bottle of vodka. He chugged down a large amount of it from the bottle, wanting to get rid of the feeling the card had caused him to have.

He did not have any problems, so he did not need any help from anyone. His cousin had to have been messing with him because it was like Eriol to fuck with his head and make him question things about himself. That was the reason he hated him in the first place. Eriol was the insane person, not him.

He chugged down more of the vodka, enjoying the burning sensation that it caused to the back of his throat. Alcohol was disgusting, but the sensation that it caused could make a person addicted to it. Too bad he was not that much of a big fan of alcohol, though.

He took another chug of the vodka before sitting it back in the refrigerator, feeling a little light-headed. He left the kitchen and headed back to his room, collapsing on the bed tiredly.

 _Kinomoto Sakura._

His fists clenched as that name ran through his head repeatedly, almost tortuously.

Shaking his head from the ridiculous name, he came to the final conclusion that no person was ever going to try and get in his head and toy with it. Especially not a psychologist by the name of Kinomoto Sakura who probably believed that she knew everything.

* * *

 **Our greedy, manipulative psychologist will appear in the next chapter!**


	3. The Obsession Begins

**"The Obsession Begins"**

* * *

 _Kinomoto Sakura._

That name nearly drove Syaoran insane the more it appeared in his brain.

He was not trying to think of her, but her name kept invading all the cells in his brain. There were billions of cells in the human brain, so her name truly was driving the man mad.

Eriol had given him that laminated piece of shit on purpose, he thought to himself. It was for this exact reason—to drive him insane. The mischievous man was finally getting what he so desperately desired.

He shook his head from the outrageous thoughts before he continued with the surgery. He did not need any causes of distractions with his thinking right now.

"Scalpel." He held his left hand out towards the intern and she gladly handed it to him.

He made the initial incision into the patient and continued with the detailed procedure smoothly.

Syaoran was always smooth with his performances, precise and fast even. He rarely ever made any mistakes. In fact, he was the best doctor around.

His mind had been too occupied with that psychologist, which caused him to slack on the job today. He needed to get laid soon. Maybe that would get his mind off her because that was what always cleared his mind.

Sex always did the job for him, no matter what the situation and that was another one of the reasons that he loved it. It was what he always turned to when things were not going so great for him. Sex was his medicine, not the medicine that the doctors prescribed for the patients on a regular basis.

Sex was the last thing he needed to be thinking about, though, so he cleared his mind from everything during the rest of the procedure.

Afterwards, he changed and headed to his office, but not before bringing one of his employees with him.

He never took long finishing off with the women at the hospital because everything was always quick and brief, considering their busy schedules. So, it was not a surprise that they were pulling their clothes back up 10 minutes later.

He kissed her forehead gently after they had dressed. "Thank you, Akari."

She smiled at him sadly and pulled away. "No, thank you, Dr. Li. I needed that more than you'll ever know."

Syaoran nodded at her, giving her permission to leave before she slipped out of the room.

Akari was a nurse who had just lost her husband a few months back, so he often took advantage of her broken heart by offering her intimacy for his own benefit. Before they had started their encounters together, Syaoran had convinced her that sleeping together would help her cope with her own feelings.

He did not necessarily have any malicious meanings behind his actions or those words because he meant them, but his actions always turned out to be that way. It seemed like he was born to manipulate the innocent girls.

He almost cringed, thinking of himself as a person like that. He did not believe that he was that type of person, simply because he was a doctor who saved a life every day. In his eyes, a doctor could not be selfish because they were the ones who put others needs before their own every day.

He sighed and sat down in the chair behind the desk, picking up some papers he needed to go over.

The moment his eyes began examining them, his pager started beeping.

He groaned, feeling annoyed with the object.

He had just finished doing a surgery less than twenty minutes ago and he was already being paged. He bet it was one of those doctors doing it to harass him.

Sighing, he stood from the desk and went to the floor that he was all too familiar with.

He looked around and spotted Dr. Hanaka, a middle-aged man pointing to a girl who was sitting on one of the beds in the room, behind the curtains.

"Dr. Li, you take this one here. She sprained her ankle tripping over her own feet."

He was trying to compose his laughter as he mentioned how she had sprained her ankle.

It was normal for everyone to throw the minor problems on him because they wanted in on the big surgeries. It was like they lived to see people in pain so they could get a high out of doing surgery on them.

Syaoran was close to all the workers in the hospital, so he would not dare make them feel lesser than him, even if they were. He did have the authority over everyone in the hospital, but it was seldom that anyone made him show that side to them.

"Did you seriously just page me to tend to a girl with a sprained ankle? What the hell is your problem?"

Dr. Hanaka chuckled at that question while shrugging his shoulders. "What can I say? There are better things to tend to here. I heard there's a man here who's pregnant!"

Syaoran's ear perked at that piece of information before he slapped the back of Dr. Hanaka's head, not wanting to get sucked into the weird games that all the workers there played.

This was the stuff that interns were supposed to be intrigued by. Not the doctors who were in this occupation for years. They were the best doctors, but they all acted like lunatics when it came to unusual problems.

"Ouch! I'm sorry, but you know how exciting that sounds!?"

Syaoran shook his head before approaching the girl sitting on the bed, behind the curtains. The only thing that could be seen was her legs that looked too smooth to be real.

His breath caught in his throat the moment he pulled the curtains open so he could face her sitting on the bed. She was probably one of the most beautiful women that he had ever crossed paths with. He had seen different women every day, but none that looked like this woman.

She had auburn hair that barely reached her shoulders with bangs that hung loosely over her beautiful, emerald eyes. Her skin appeared very delicate and porcelain, like a doll. It was hard to tell if she had make-up on or not, but the beauty that radiated off her made him not care, whether she did or not.

Subconsciously, his eyes traveled down to her lips and he instantly tightened in his scrubs, seeing how plump and luscious they looked with that pout on them. After seeing her lips, he could not resist the urge to let his eyes wander down to her body.

To his perturbation, it was hard to tell how her body looked because of the loose, sheer tank that she had on, but the top of it revealed more than enough for him to see that she was quite full in her chest area. His eyes traveled down to her bare legs and he hardened even more in his scrubs. He needed to look away.

He looked back up her body until they locked gazes. "I heard you tripped over your own feet while walking." He smirked at her blushing face.

"Mou...why are all the doctors here so mean?" she whined.

He tightened in his scrubs, if that were even possible. The white lab coat was a life-saver for once in his life.

He shook his head, chuckling before he stooped down on the floor to her ankle, examining it while trying not to glance under that annoying pencil skirt that she had on.

"Yup, it's just a sprain. Since one of the doctors tended to the swelling, I'm just going to wrap it for you," he said looking up at her, giving her one of his charming smiles.

Her face flushed and she nodded her head mutely.

He leaned over to the cabinet and snatched out a wrap for her ankle.

"Are you sure that it's just a sprain? It hurts so badly..." she almost whined again and he twitched a bit at her voice.

He smiled and gently ran his hand across her ankle and she winked at the pain slightly.

"I'm positive that it's just a minor sprain. They ran an X-ray on it, so there is no reason to doubt me."

She let out a relieved sigh and his eyes stayed glued to her pink lips, imagining them being of use for something else.

"That's good then. I thought that I would have to postpone my meetings with my patients today and the rest of the week for that matter."

"No, no, and no. That won't be necessary. Less stress on it will do the trick to heal it quicker, though." He started to wrap her foot slowly, wanting to keep her there as long as possible.

"Good," she let out with a short laugh.

The silence that followed that statement made Syaoran want to break it immediately to hear that melodious voice of hers again.

"So, what exactly happened to cause damage to this ankle of yours? I'm sure that you didn't actually trip over your own feet."

Her cheeks turned a darker shade of red. "W-well...I didn't _really_ trip over my own feet. I was in a rush to get to my office and so happened to trip over a bag that was lying on my floor. I don't normally run straight to the hospital for something this minor though, but I figured it was something serious because it hurt so badly this time," she explained with that beautiful blush staining her porcelain face still.

He chuckled and shook his head. "A pretty girl shouldn't be so careless, you know."

He was trying a little bit harder than usual, but he could not woo her in slowly because she would be leaving as soon as he finished wrapping her ankle.

She let out an awkward cough and her eyes strayed down to the name tag on his coat.

"Thank you, Dr. Li. My brother often teases me about being such a klutz sometimes. I have so many scars from my childhood and all he does is pick on me. He even told me that I needed to be wrapped in bubble wrappers to prevent myself from getting hurt one time." Her fists clenched as if she were thinking about it.

He chuckled at that and rested a comforting hand on her bare knee after he finished wrapping her ankle.

He grabbed her hand gently and kissed it. "I can assure you that you're perfectly fine."

She blushed and pulled her hand back shyly. "Thank you, Dr. Li. Are you finished...with the thing?" She pointed to her ankle awkwardly.

"Yes, I am. Just don't put too much stress on it. It should heal on its own in about two weeks or so, as I said earlier. Keep ice on it to get the swelling under control and you can wrap it yourself afterwards, if you would like. Would you like me to write up you a prescription for the pain?"

He grabbed her hands gently and helped her stand from the bed.

"Thank you, Dr. Li, but I don't think that will be necessary since it will heal in about two weeks or so." She smiled at him sweetly.

His cheeks started to warm a little, but he shook the feeling off quickly.

"Yes. If it doesn't start to feel any better within the next 5-7 days, come back here so we can have a look at it. Can I get your name?"

She nodded her head and then smiled at him. "My name is Kinomoto Sakura. I'm pleased to meet you." She held her hand out to shake his.

His body froze at the mention of her name, though.

The card.

The same card that he had thrown away the other night.

He was stuck, shocked in his spot to do anything about the new information.

She pulled her hand back awkwardly after he ignored her kind gesture. "Well...I left all of my insurance information at the front desk, so will it be okay for me to leave?"

He just stood there looking like a damn fool with his mouth opening and closing in front of the woman before she started to walk away from him.

She had to be discharged to leave, so why was he not stopping her?

He did not even try to stop her because his legs were still stuck in that spot by the bed her behind just occupied, due to the repeated name running through every vein in his body.

She was the psychologist that he had grown to hate over the last few days. She was the one who thought that she was smarter than everyone else. Better than everyone else because she went to school to study the human brain, so why did he still crave her to be in his bed? Why was he even still thinking about her? Should he not feel glad that she was gone—or leaving his life forever?

His legs took off after her, without even thinking twice about it.

"Dr. Li? Is everything alright?"

He faintly heard one of the nurses ask, but he ignored him and kept running after the auburn-headed woman.

"Did a Kinomoto Sakura come here?" he asked the lady at the front desk.

"Oh, she already left, honey. Did she forget something?"

His fists slammed on the desktop. "Damn it!" He stormed off from the front.

She was the damn psychologist who thought that she knew everything. She was the one who could get in his head and fuck it up more ways than possible...she was the one who had been haunting him for the last few days.

He suddenly did not care about her occupation anymore, though. She was...

He wanted her— _needed_ her, even. No woman had ever made him have a burning pull this strong from just the sight of her.

He needed a release right now because of the woman. He knew that the urge was not going to go away anytime soon with that woman imprinted in his head.

He looked for one of the nurses who he normally slept with and dragged her to one of the closets.

"Dr. Li, what's—"

He cut her off with his lips and pulled down his scrub bottoms.

"I need a favor..." he said after pulling back from the kiss.

He gently pushed her down on the floor to her knees, facing him.

"Oh...anything for you, Dr. Li," she said seductively and engulfed him in her mouth.

He imagined that it was Sakura's luscious lips wrapped around him instead and almost burst into her mouth instantly.

* * *

He was so glad that the day was finally over. It had felt like it was an eternity, all because he needed to get home and find that card with the psychologist information on it.

His body was still aroused, despite having three releases, by three different women today.

The psychologist was already getting in his head fucking it up, forcing him to want her so much when they had just met and that pissed him off.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Li," one of the doctors said walking out the hospital building with him.

"Goodnight," he nodded towards the doctor before unlocking the door to his blue Toyota Coralla.

He slid inside and drove to his place faster than normal, wanting to get to that card immediately.

When arriving home, he immediately ran straight to the trash can and started digging in it to find that card.

He needed to see her again—fuck her or something to get rid of the feeling that she had made him feel all day. He had never craved a woman so much in his entire life.

The moment he found it, he rushed over to the sink and rinsed the trash off the card after unbending it.

 **SPECIALIZATION: ADDICTION**

His hand tightened around the card tightly, almost breaking it while reading that line. That word triggered something in him that he could never understand. However, if this was the only way for him to see her again, he was willing to do it. She would not want to continue seeing the doctor who wrapped her ankle unless she had a reason to.

He closed his eyes, trying to calm down his racing heart. He looked at the clock to see the time and groaned.

20:30...

Would it be weird to call a psychologist at this time of the night? He wondered.

 _Of course, it's weird!_

She had a business card and it did not specifically say when a person could contact her, though, so he assumed that it would be alright to do it.

He washed his hands and dried them off, along with the card. He walked to the laundry room and stripped from the clothes, sitting them in the laundry basket. He changed into a pair of shorts and a wife-beater before heading back to his room with the card in hand.

Syaoran picked up his cellphone, bringing it to the bed with him; feeling determined that he would do this.

He was really going to do it and that unnerved him to the core because he never thought he was this type of person. He never had to chase after a woman to bed her, so why was he really chasing this one?

He groaned, feeling frustrated with himself for doing something this crazy. He was going to do it, though. He would make her think that he had a problem so he could get close to her and get between those legs and...

His shorts tightened at the lewd thoughts of the woman with her legs opened for him.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He really needed to get it together if he was going to call her. He would fake the problem, no matter how embarrassing it may sound and get what he wanted and get the hell out of there before she even had the chance to play with his head.

He went over it five times in his head, making sure he would stick to the plan.

He looked at the card one last time and then he started to dial the number slowly in his phone.

 _Ring..._

 _Ring..._

 _Ring..._

Anxiously, his legs started to bounce, feeling extremely nervous. She was not going to pi—

"Hello?" answered the melodious voice and his shorts tightened again.

His breathing increased as his body became more and more aroused about the fact that she was actually on the phone with him.

"Hello?" she called out again and his hand started to move down to the huge bulge over his shorts, rubbing it slightly.

"H-hello?" he stuttered and his hand came to a halt when he realized what he was trying to do.

He had not masturbated in years. He had always had someone else get him off, so why was he trying to do it right now like some weak teenage guy just hitting puberty?

"Who is this?" she asked softly in the phone and his hand moved back down to the bulge and started rubbing slowly again.

"I—I want to set up an appointment with you. Are you free any day this week?" he asked and began pulling his shorts down slightly. His hand moved back down to grasp himself.

There was some ruffling on the phone and then papers being rummaged through.

"I can have you come in on Wednesday. Is that alright with you?" he heard her melodious voice ask over the phone.

His eyes closed and his hand held onto the phone tightly, while the other hand remained where it was, rubbing slowly.

"Yes, that's perfect. What time can I have you?"

His hand started rubbing faster, thinking about how he could _really_ have her. He held back the moan that almost slipped from his lips.

"Well, you can come in my office bright and early at 8:00am. I'm assuming you have the address to my office?" she asked questioningly and he hardened at the innocence her tone held.

His hand started rubbing faster and he bit on his bottom lip a little hard.

"Yes, that's fine," he almost moaned out.

"Alright. I will see you bright and early on Wednesday morning. Oh—can I get your name, sir?"

His hand came to a halt at that question. Should he tell her his name? What if she thought differently of him because of this? What if she decided that she wanted the whole town to know that he was coming to see her because of his 'problem'?

No, she could not do that. That was confidential information that she could not release to the public. It was his privacy and right, so she could not possibly do that, he concluded.

"It's Xiao Lang," he said after some quick thought into it.

She would be surprised to see him, but he would rather her appear surprised than knowing right away who he was.

He heard her scribbling something down on something, "Well, Xiao Lang, bright and early on Wednesday morning it is then. Have a good night."

 _Shit._

He should not have done that.

"G-goodnight." He quickly hung the phone up and resumed his stroking.

She made his name sound so _sensual_ , rolling it off her tongue like that, even though he hated that name.

 _Shit..._

His stroking increased in its pace and he began panting, thinking about those emerald eyes rolling to the back of her head while he pounded her into his bed hard.

He kept going until he felt his muscles tighten in his lower abdomen before finishing off.

Out of all the women that he had been in, none of them had ever felt better than his hand this time. It was a first and it was all because of the psychologist who had beauty radiating off her.

Thinking about her caused him to rise again slowly.

He groaned and laid his head back on the pillow. Tonight, was going to be a longer night than he thought it would be.

* * *

The week was going slower than Syaoran expected it to be. It was only Monday and the time was not going any faster than he wanted it to be. He had already performed twenty surgeries since he last saw Sakura in the hospital.

The closer Wednesday was getting, the stronger his urges had been getting. He had been using random women on the streets and paying them to get him off because of her, and he had not done that in ages.

Syaoran just could not understand what the woman was doing to him because he had only seen her one time.

Okay, that was a lie...

He had gone online and searched her name a few times and looked at the pictures for his own pleasure a few times.

He had found out that she was a famous psychologist in town and everyone went to her whenever they were having problems with anything in their life. She was said to be one of the most helpful psychologist in the area. She had done research on many of her patients and found remedies to helping people cope with their own problems in a healthy way.

That was the reason her name had sounded so familiar when he saw it on that card the night Eriol had given it to him, he thought.

It was just the specialization that she mainly focused on that bothered him. Why did it have to be addiction? Yes, she worked with all types of patients, but the fact that the card had addiction on it made him hate her even more than her being a psychologist alone did.

With clenched fists, he hit the table in the hospital room he currently was in out of frustration. It would just remain a one-time thing for him. After he finished sleeping with her one time, he would move on with his life and find better people to fuck, he had concluded.

"Are you alright, Dr. Li?" Koishiro, one of his cancer patients asked when she noticed the scowl on his face after being paged to come to the room.

He smiled at her and nodded his head. "Yes, I'm alright, Koishiro. Don't worry about me, though. You need to be preparing yourself for the kidney transplant that will be performed today."

She held out her hand for him to take, which he did and gave it a light squeeze. "Will it hurt?" she asked worriedly.

He shook his head. "Of course not. I promise you that you won't even feel a thing during the procedure."

She smiled at him sadly and nodded her head. "What if something goes wrong?"

"We are one of the best hospitals, with the best doctors in Japan. This kidney transplant is just a piece of cake for us. Just trust me on this, okay?" He gave her one of his charming smiles.

Her pale cheeks turned a light pink before she nodded her head. "Okay…Dr. Li?" She looked up at him hopefully.

"Yes?"

"Will you be the one to do the procedure?" she asked, holding on to his hand a little tightly.

"If that will make you feel comfortable, of course I will."

"Please…I want you to be the one to."

"I'll be your guy then." He winked at her playfully.

She giggled and the same blush stained her cheeks again, but darker. "Thank you."

He nodded his head and patted her bald head lightly. "You should get some rest before the surgery," he suggested, standing up from the chair by her bed.

She nodded her head and lied back down on the bed and closed her eyes.

He took note to the patient and it made him realize what he needed to be focusing on. He needed to get his mind right and get that woman out of his head. He had a big surgery to perform and all he could think about was bedding that woman. How much more messed up could his head get, he wondered.

He had a 16-year-old, dying patient who needed surgery and all he could think about was fucking some random woman he spoke with for less than ten minutes.

His fists clenched as he stormed out of the room and walked towards the elevator. He pressed a floor and it dinged, signifying that he could step in. Thankfully, no one was there because he did not want anyone spotting his hard on because of the thoughts of the woman.

He would not give in this time, though because it had become ridiculous over the past few days since he last had the encounter with the woman.

He had never masturbated so much to a picture before in his life, until he discovered that she had some online. He had never had to have more than six girls get him off in one day, and he had a busy life. It was just becoming ridiculously out of control now.

Maybe he needed to just call the whole thing off with her now. He could call her back and tell her that he did not want the help anymore for his 'problem.' It was all a lie anyway, because there was no problem. There had never been a problem and there never would be a problem in his eyes. He had control over his actions and he did not _need_ to sleep with a girl. It was optional in his life, is what he liked to believe, but it was not. He loved to think that he did not have to have sex with anyone—he just chose to, so it was not a problem.

He could not keep living his life like this, though—feeling anxious to see a woman that he had only seen one time. That was a real problem there and that needed to be rid of fast before it became dangerous.

She was the mental problem. He would not be able to do anything if she was still on his mind all today and he was beginning to think that he had reached his limits with her.

He reached into his lab coat and grabbed his phone, pulling it out. He was going to end his own misery before it was too late.

He scrolled through his phone's recent calls until he saw the familiar number, pressing it. He held his thumb over the call button, finding it hard to press it. He needed to do this, though or he could mess up during the big surgery for that girl. She was really depending on him to keep her alive. And he would do that too—he just needed to get this hard part out of the way first.

Call the psychologist and cancel the appointment.

She was not going to get a red dime from him anyway, remember?

His conscious was on his job today and it was not slacking one bit when Syaoran needed it to be at a time like this. Why did the conscious have to have a mind of its own? It always kicked in when it was not even needed.

His thumb pressed the call button quickly and he brought the phone up to his ear.

 _Ring…_

 _Ring…_

 _Ring…_

 _Ring—_

 **Ding**!

The elevator doors slid open slowly and he looked up to see who was intruding his ride. His body froze at the sight before him.

There stood the psychologist that invaded every inch and depth of his mind over the last few days, digging in her purse, trying to get the ringing phone out of it.

 _Fuck. My. Life._

* * *

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 **Don't forget to leave something nice for me! :)**


	4. What a Contradicting Man

**"What a Contradicting Man"**

* * *

His heart had reached its limits, because it had stopped beating. All the blood in his body had rushed to the tips of his fingers, as his grip tightened around the phone on his ear before his senses came flooding back on him. He was a dead man.

The phone rung once more before he snatched the phone from his ear and ended the call quickly, causing her phone to stop ringing.

She let out a loud groan and then looked up at him. A smile found its way onto her lips. "Dr. Li! How are you?" she asked, stepping in the elevator with him.

He stared at her face incredulously, wondering if she had noticed him. Realizing she had not, his eyes subconsciously sucked in her form and his breath caught in his throat at her appearance.

Her auburn hair was pulled back tightly in a bun and she had on a crisp, white button-down shirt with a pinstriped pencil skirt.

She looked like every guy's fantasy—even ones who did not prefer girls. She was _his_ fantasy.

"Is this going to be a repeat of last time?" she asked with a hint of amusement in her tone.

She pressed the 12th floor and the doors closed, leaving them alone in the elevator together. His heart drummed against his chest and his adrenaline began to rush. He was in a danger zone.

"N-no! I'm good. How's your..." He swallowed and pointed to her leg. "How's your ankle doing?"

"A little better. It still hurts, though, but it's only been four days so it hasn't really had much time to heal, right?" She looked up at him innocently and he instantly hardened in his scrubs. He mentally groaned, not wanting a replay of last time.

He shifted his body away from her slightly to hide his erection after her strawberry scent swooshed in his direction. He almost groaned at the sweetness.

"R-right. Why are you here if your ankle isn't bothering you, then?"

"Well, I came to see a friend. She just had her baby. Hey, could you help me find her by the way, please? I know that she's on the 12th floor, but I'm not sure where." She looked at him hopefully.

 _Say no, damn it!_

His heart was racing at an unhealthy pace and he looked around the elevator for any and everything to slow it down. He needed to do something quickly before it exploded out of his chest.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "S-sure. Who is it?"

"Mihara Chiharu. Do you know her?" she asked, smiling at him.

"I've heard her name floating around here today. In fact, she's the woman with the twins, if I'm not mistaken. The little rascal was hiding behind his brother the entire time, so the doctors missed him."

She gasped, turning to him. "Are you kidding me?"

He shook his head, smiling at her slightly. "Nope, I'm as serious as I can get."

He was doing great. He was actually holding a conversation with her without jumping her bones and ripping those articles of clothing off her with his teeth. Yes, he was that guy.

"That's amazing! I know she was shocked out of her gown," she giggled.

He closed his eyes and looked away from her, silently praying the sound would stop ringing in his ears, even after she had stopped. He inhaled a deep breath before releasing it. "She was a little bit more than shocked. Her husband seemed like he was in more pain than she was, though."

He chuckled, thinking back on Yamazaki yelling with her, during her birth. She had almost cut the boy's circulation off his hand. He was in much more pain than his wife.

"That sounds like her alright," she said, shaking her head with a smile on her face.

The elevator dinged and opened on the floor that he had originally chosen.

He glanced up, hoping to catch someone else to come in the elevator with them, but found no such luck. Why the hell were people not on the elevator with them at this moment?

He allowed it to close since he would be showing her where the pregnant woman is.

"You won't get in trouble, right? I understand if you have some where to be...patients to take care of—"

"This is _my_ hospital, so I'm the last person that could get in trouble here."

She gasped and turned to him. "You're the chief? The one that everyone talks about? The one that everyone says—" She stopped and covered her mouth with her hand.

She bowed her head low. "I'm very pleased to meet you!"

He held up his hand, motioning for her to raise her head, even though he felt a sense of pride wash over him. "Please, you don't have to do that."

She looked up at him and smiled. "I do. You're _amazing_! You don't know how much I've looked up to you for all these years."

His cheeks began to warm a little and he could feel that fluttering sensation in his stomach. He almost cringed at the feeling before shaking it off. "Well, thank you."

She smiled at him brightly, causing him to mentally groan. He was going to jump her bones if that damn 12th floor did not appear soon. He could already mentally picture the different types of positions he could take her in, in that elevator.

The first position would be against the railing near the wall. It was not hard to picture her bent over with her pencil skirt bunched at her hips, slim fingers grasping on to the rails for dear life, while he pounded into her harder than he ever had. And oh, God the noises that would elicit from her lips.

The next position would—

 ** _Ding!_**

Luckily, the elevator dinged and the doors slid opened.

Syaoran cleared his throat. "Here's our stop," he spoke as if he had never been thinking a single dirty thought about her.

She smiled at him and stepped out before he had the chance to.

He followed suit behind her before pulling the white lab coat in front of him to hide his erection. What was he doing? Should he not inform her that he wanted to cancel that appointment with her? He did not have any business making that appointment in the first place. His head was just messed up at the time when he made that appointment.

Yeah, that was it. He was just horny at the time and thinking about her. He had been horny for the past few days and she just happened to be the girl that always came to mind whenever he was.

 _Even while you're fucking other women?_

Why could his conscious never shut up when he needed it to? It was always wrong, anyway.

"Here, follow me," he said, walking ahead of her so she could not get a glance at his hard-on in case she turned around. The doors automatically opened for them.

"I really do hope that I'm not being a bother to you, Dr. Li."

He stopped and twisted his head around to her. "Ms. Kinomoto, trust me. You aren't being a bother to me."

She smiled at him and nodded. "Thank you so much, Dr. Li. I just feel so privileged to be in your presence. I can't believe that you're the one who fixed my ankle the other day and I didn't even know that it was you! How could I appear so foolish in front of you? I just...I-I—"

Syaoran held back the chuckle that threatened to come out and held up a hand to calm her rambling. "Really, its fine, Ms. Kinomoto. We're here, though."

He opened the hospital door for her and she walked in before him.

She stopped in her tracks immediately and turned back to him with that damn beautiful smile plastered on her face. "Thank you again, Dr. Li."

His cheeks began to warm again, but he silently scowled himself before they returned to normal. "Ms. Kinomoto—"

She waved her hand, nonchalantly. "Please drop the formalities, sir. I'm not _that_ important."

"Kinomoto."

He remembered why he was trying to keep her around. He needed to cancel that appointment with her because she had been driving him crazy, especially with that tight skirt. His body felt like it was on fire because of her and she probably was not even aware of it.

She needed to go and fast before he did something he would regret.

She looked up at him questioningly. "Yes, Dr. Li?"

The way she called him doctor sounded so sexy and he did not even know why. He needed her in his bedroom. They could have plenty of fun together. There were so many positions that he desired to have her in. So many different sets of lingerie he longed to see her in. He _needed_ this. Her, even.

Unconsciously, he stepped closer to her and she flinched back slightly. "Dr. Li?"

 _Shit_...

"I...Kinomoto, I—"

"There you are, Sakura!"

He moved back from her, instinctively. He looked in the direction of the intruder, feeling annoyed with them. It was a woman with dark hair and amethyst eyes.

Sakura turned from him and gasped. "I'm so sorry, Tomoyo! One of my patients stayed a little longer than I thought he would. Dr. Li here helped me find the room. Can you actually believe it's him?!"

Tomoyo turned to him, smiling brightly. Why were these women so happy?

She held her hand out for him to shake. "My name is Daidouji Tomoyo. I'm very pleased to meet you. Sakura is a _very_ big fan of yours as you can so easily tell."

He nodded his head slightly with a neutral face, while shaking her hand. "It's nice to meet you too. I'll let you ladies get to your friend then before she throws a hissy fit."

The two girls giggled and nodded before Syaoran slipped out of the room from the two.

He needed a release soon because he had to have had blue balls at the moment.

The woman was torturing him and she did not even give a damn. The way she looked at him whenever she came around. She was silently begging him to bed her. Her body language around him was even begging him to fuck her senseless.

He would have been more than welcomed to give in to her request, but there would not have been any time in that elevator. He wanted to spend more time on her body because it would need more attention than the little time the elevator would have offered. He could have just snatched her away from her friend and dragged her into one of the unoccupied rooms in the hospital. Better yet, his office. If he had her in his office, he probably would not ever be able to do any more work in there.

He looked around on the floor for a nurse, intern, or doctor to get him off. It did not matter what female would do it now. It could be the worse, but he needed a release now.

He refused to get himself off at work when he had people around to do it for him. That was just ridiculous to do because he was a man who had the ability to get someone else to do it for him. He had the power to make every woman in that hospital succumb to his demands.

After scanning the floor and finding not a single sign of one of them, he hurried over to the restroom and closed the door, locking it.

He did not have to put much effort into his fantasy, knowing that the woman was across the hall from him. That was enough to get him off in an instant, especially after thinking of pushing that pencil skirt up and landing a firm hand on her behind.

He washed his hands, feeling a little satisfied after rubbing one off. He dried his hands before opening the door, walking out of the restroom. He would just cancel the appointment with the psychologist another time.

He needed to prepare himself for that surgery for his patient anyway.

* * *

Syaoran closed the locker shut after he finished grabbing his things. Today was even more exhausting than it had been the previous days. She was there, alone with him in an elevator, where he could have taken his chances. Why the hell had he given up his chances?

There she was, in his mind, invading it all day, especially after she showed up with that enticing outfit on and he did not grab the opportunity. He was lucky enough to have stayed concentrated on that big surgery.

He could not wait for Wednesday to roll around the corner because his misery would be ending. Two more days. _Two_. And he would be between those legs.

"Have a good night, Dr. Li," Dr. Hanaka said, waving at Syaoran.

Syaoran nodded, letting the man know that he was heard.

It was always the same between the two doctors. They would both get off late and leave at the same time after changing out of their hospital clothes. Nothing had ever changed within the last six years they had been working together.

"I see that you took my advice."

Syaoran turned around to that annoying voice that always irked his soul.

"What do you want?"

Eriol chuckled and shook his head. "Nothing. I just didn't think that you would actually do it. You don't strike me for the patient type. Plus, you're so stubborn."

"It was a mistake. I'm canceling the appointment with her tomorrow morning," Syaoran lied straight through his teeth without a single trail of guilt.

How the hell did the joker know anyway? Was he like his stalker or something?

"A mistake? It must have been a _huge_ mistake if you had the chance to dial her entire number into your phone and wait for her to pick up before you set up an entire appointment by day and exact time."

Syaoran glared at him before turning away from him and continuing his walk back to the car to leave.

Why was Eriol so concerned, anyway? It was not any of his business.

Syaoran was just trying to bed her when he made that appointment with her anyway. He still was trying to bed her, but preferably without the appointment. If the appointment was the only way, so be it. He would go to the appointment.

"There is nothing wrong with trying to get help, _Xiao Lang_."

Syaoran's fists clenched and he stopped in his tracks and turned back to him, grabbing Eriol's shirt collar. "I don't need any help, so you keep your nose out of my damn business, you piece of shit."

He let Eriol's shirt go, pushing him back slightly before he turned away and opened his car door.

Syaoran heard him chuckle before he slammed the door shut. Why did the man have to be so annoying?

He backed out of the driveway and drove home, feeling furious with Eriol and himself.

He unlocked the door to his apartment and slammed the door shut behind him. He was frustrated and furious, not knowing what to do about the girl who was haunting him.

The more he thought of her, the more he hated her existence. He wanted her in his bed though.

He had to do something—anything to get rid of her. Two days away would end this all. It was taking too long though and he did not even know what she would do to him on their first session together.

He did not even care at the moment though because he had an advantage over her. Sakura admired him. She had been looking up to him for years. She was probably considered one of his fan girls, so he had this. He could easily get her to do anything for him with that piece of knowledge he discovered earlier.

Something kept nagging at him not to do this, but he was aware that it was just his conscious.

He did not even care to think about what that something was warning him to do because he had to do this. After it was done, he would surely move on and find better girls to bed. If he was lucky enough, she would be terrible in bed and it would be easy to forget all about her. He had to do this. And he would.

He walked to his bathroom and rubbed one off before he showered and went to bed.

* * *

Syaoran paced back and forth in the on-call room, debating whether or not he should do it or not. It was 6am, and Wednesday, which meant that his appointment with the psychologist was in two hours.

 _Two hours._

The number two was haunting him now. He just could not win. It was always something that bothered him when it came to the woman. First, it was her name. It had snatched away so many of his hours of sleep the first time he had seen it. Then, it was her appearance. That one had taken a huge toll on him, more than her name alone. Her voice was next. That melodious voice had been whispering words in his ear, even though she was not even around.

It was almost tortuous for him when thinking about the woman. Every single thing that reminded him of the woman set his body on fire, urging him to desire her even more. It was almost as if she had given him a disease.

He let out a weary breath and closed his eyes, trying to get his breathing pace under control. He needed to do more of that paper work before he set off to see the woman.

He was going to do it. And by do it, he meant bed her. The first session, he would go in hard. Make her speechless to the point where her panties were soaked with desire for him. He had never had to put in the work to have sex with a woman, so if he was lucky, she would give in right away to his charms.

A small smile tugged at his lips, thinking about the woman submitting her body solely to him. That would be a sight to see. Imagining her sprawled out on his bed fully naked, with her legs spread open for him.

Another weary breath escaped his mouth before he headed to his office, to get that paper work done. He was harder than normal, but that was only because he had been anticipating bedding the woman for over a week now.

There was no way that she would be able to resist his charms, he tried convincing himself repeatedly in his head.

With that thought in mind, he finished as much of the paper work as he could, feeling confident about the session.

He glanced at the clock at 7:45am, and his heart leapt in his chest, feeling anxious for the session. It was almost time.

He picked up the familiar laminated card, studying the location of the place she practiced at. It was only 5 minutes from the hospital. That caused him to wonder how he had never known about it.

Everything had been set in place, and he left instructions behind to the people he could count on to keep his hospital up and running while he was away. It would only be an hour that he was away. Unless...

His heart drummed against his chest hard and loud, thinking about how long he would be able to have his fun with her. Was she great in bed? Would she feel tight around his girth? How long would she last? No, how long would **he** last?

He silently prayed that he would last longer than he had been lately since she appeared in his life. He wanted to pleasure her. See her body rise to new pleasure highs that it had never been to before, even. That was not truly a problem for him, though. He liked to think of himself as well-equipped. Plus, he would get hard right after his first release, just at the sight of her. He had nothing to worry about here.

He slipped inside of his car and cranked it up before punching the address of her location in his phone. He almost sped to the place, but kept his composure, not wanting to receive a ticket again.

He pulled up to a small, red-brick building that looked like a brick house. Syaoran caught a glimpse of the large, white letters engraved, but he did not pay too much attention to it, fearing that he would become turned off by the whole idea.

He glanced at the clock to see that it was 7:48am. He had still sped unconsciously to get to the women, so he had twelve more minutes to see that face again.

He began to wonder what she would have on. Would it be another one of those sexy skirts that she had on the other day? Or pants? God, he hoped it was a skirt. That way, it would be easier to get to what he wanted so desperately.

Thinking about a skirt caused him to wonder if she would have on lacy undergarments. What color lace though? Would it be red, like the devil himself, even though she appeared like an angel? Or white, signifying her purity? Maybe it would be white, even though her body was sinfully sculpted.

He mentally groaned, feeling himself painfully hard in his pants. What the hell was he doing? He needed to calm down if he was really going to do this.

He took a deep breath and let it out before glancing at the clock again.

 _7:57am_.

It should be alright to go in now. He was sure that she did not like her patients to come late.

He opened the car door and stepped out and almost ran to the door, but calmly walked to the door, almost slowly.

He stopped at the door and clamped his eyes shut tightly. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to pay the psychologist? Pay her 20,000 yen for the first session? 20,000 yen for 50 minutes of her time?

He sighed and slid his hand into his back pocket, being sure that his wallet was there. He was really going to pay 20,000 yen for her to sit on her ass and listen to him.

He clenched his fist, feeling infuriated when realizing how insane it sounded. Was he really that stupid?

Of course not. He was smarter than this. Then it dawned on him. He had paid prostitutes and strippers before. This was the exact same as those times. He was technically paying her to have sex with him. That was why he came in the first place. To have sex. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less. It was not to get her help and advice.

He grabbed the knob to the door and began to turn it slowly. This was going to be it. It would be just like those other times he paid those women. She was the same as them anyway. She was just there to give him a good time.

Even though Syaoran had attempted to convince himself that it was the same as those other times, he knew deep down inside that it was to get the help he desperately needed.

He turned the handle of the door and pushed the door opened, ready to accept what fate had in store for him.

* * *

 **A/N: So, so, _so_ sorry this chapter was kind of short and delayed, but the next chapter will be longer than this one. I'm actually extremely excited to write the next chapter. :)**

 **Anyways, th** **ank you guys so much for the reviews, alerts and favorites! I'm glad that you guys really like the story so far. Honestly, I didn't think that anyone would actually like it, because of the plot. It may just be me feeling insecure about my own work though. W** **ho knows, right? Lol. Nonetheless, thank you guys so much for the support and encouraging me to put my imagination out for people to read! :D**

 **Please don't forget to leave a review!**

 **Ja ne!**


	5. First Session Isn't Always the Best

**"The First Session Isn't Always the Best..."**

* * *

The sweaty palms of Syaoran's hand finally pushed the door opened after the inner turmoil that had just taken place in his head. He still could not believe that he was really going to do this.

He was really going to sit in a session with a psychologist. The people that he hated the most, he was going to willingly sit through listening to the bull shit to fuck a girl that he did not even know. Had he really lost his wits?

He had sworn to never cross paths with these people ever again, and he was doing it anyway. All because of his stupid infatuation with a girl who was only good for her nice tits and ass. This was not okay. It was the last thing that would be okay for him.

Even though he dreaded it, he still stepped inside the little building and immediately felt the relaxing vibe that the place had. It only made him feel more hatred for the woman.

The walls were a light grey color, which was probably the source of the relaxing vibe. It was very spacious in the room, despite the fact that it looked like a living room with its cream leather sofa, glass table, and matching chair.

His eyes stopped taking in everything in the room when he noticed no sign of the psychologist. He looked at the front desk before humming. He glanced around the room until seeing a door in one corner of the room firmly shut. She had to be in there.

Deciding that it would be best to wait, he walked over to the sofa and sat down on it. He rested his back against the couch, a bit relaxed before sitting up and leaning his elbows on his knees. He crossed his legs, before un-crossing them.

How was he supposed to present himself to the psychologist? Was she expecting him to sit a certain way?

He sat back again and rested his clasped hands behind his head. Maybe he should play it cool.

He dropped his hands immediately, realizing something. If he played it cool, she might not take him serious. He wanted to be taken serious.

He paused, wondering why he had thought that. He was just here to sleep with the psychologist. He was overreacting, like he usually did with her. He only had one mission here today. Fucking her. That was all. Nothing more, nothing less. Why was he making this so complicated for himself?

His leg began to bounce up and down anxiously, the more he thought about the session with the doctor. He could do this. It was going to be alright. It was—

He heard the door open, seizing all movement. He resisted the urge to turn around to the door and take a glance at the beautiful psychologist, but knew better than to.

"Xiao Lang, was it?" He heard her voice behind him, causing him to harden in his pants. Why did she have this effect on him? Why could she not be so god damn gorgeous?

He did not bother to speak, even though he had heard her loud and clear. Hearing her voice always caused his throat to feel constricted.

He could hear her heels clicking on the floor behind him and his eyes closed, having never been turned on by such a sound before.

A gasp came from in front of him and his eyes shot opened at the sound. He came face to face with her standing in front of him with one of those damn skirts on that made him want to bend at her every whim.

"Dr. Li? What are you doing here?" Sakura asked with confusion evident in her tone.

His mouth opened, ready to speak, but nothing came out. He immediately sat up and rested his elbows over his knees, attempting to cover his boner from sight. Why did he find himself hiding this problem from her all the time?

Her brows returned to normal before a relaxed look washed over her face. "You're Xiao Lang, aren't you?" she asked, almost concluding it.

He swallowed thickly and nodded his head mutely, ignoring the jab in his heard at the name.

A warming smile appeared on her lips, which he could not seem to take his eyes off before she spoke, "I should have known, shouldn't I have? Xiao Lang, Li. That name is often all over the news too, huh?"

She giggled, shaking her head before walking over to the front desk and grabbing out something Syaoran could not catch a glimpse of before she walked back over to him and sat in the chair across from him with a clipboard in her hand.

"My Chinese name is Xiao Lang, so that's why. I use it often for stuff like this," he lied, motioning to the place.

She nodded before handing him the clipboard and pen. "I need you to fill out this paperwork form before we can begin anything."

Syaoran stared at her bare legs for a moment, fantasizing about them being wrapped around him before he looked away after feeling himself hardening more. Why was it so hard for guys to control their minds...and their wandering eyes?

He slowly began to fill out the form while sheepishly peering over at the doctor after every letter he wrote down.

On doing this, he began to realize what she represented, sitting in front of him in that chair, patiently waiting.

She was going to attempt to force him to give up the thing—the act that gave him the most intense, super-stimulating sexual pleasure ever. Was he even capable of giving that up?

He let out a soft sigh. That was not what he came here for because he never needed help. He was capable of doing everything in his life alone. He did not need help.

He glanced at her again and a growing hatred began to erupt.

She was doing it on purpose again. Making him question himself, forget why he came here in the first place and actually question if he really needed help. It was all supposed to be an act just to get in her pants. But why did it seem like so much more now?

He filled the last line out on the last sheet of paper before shakily handing them back to her.

He felt his cheeks warming a bit when her smaller, pedicure hand grabbed the clipboard from him. The fluttering sensation in his stomach caused him to feel like he was in high school all over again, seeing his first crush. What was the damn woman doing to him?

He watched her stand from the chair and walked over to the front desk and he began to weigh the pros and cons of this situation.

He was finally sitting in a room alone with the woman and she would be his for the next 50 minutes or so, without any interruptions. That was two pros in one, to _his_ knowledge. That was all he needed to be here.

Then there was the con, where he just felt tremendously ambivalence about changing his habits because she would try and convince him to. That was never what he wanted to begin with though. He just wanted to have sex with her, not get unnecessary help.

He did _not_ need help. He never needed help. From an infant until now, he _never_ needed help. He had everything under control, so he was not going to sit here and allow the psychologist to take that control from him. Or make him feel like a vulnerable man or whatnot. That was not Li, Syaoran.

When she returned to her seat in front of him, he noticed the clipboard in her hand.

He felt triggered, bothered by it even. What was on the clipboard? What was she going to put on the clipboard? Were those his charts?

He was tempted to snatch the clipboard from her hand and tear it into bits of pieces.

"No clipboard," he found himself saying suddenly.

"W-what?" she stammered, clearly shocked by his demand.

"No. Fucking. Clipboard," he repeated himself, trying to control his anger.

"I'm sorry, but pardon me Mr. Li?"

He glared at the clipboard as if it had done something to him.

She cautiously placed the clipboard down beside her before she turned back to him. "No clipboard…will be used, Mr. Li," she said slowly.

Syaoran let out a sigh and sat back on the couch, a bit relieved. He had this under control.

If someone asked why he snapped, he would not even be able to tell them, but he knew that the clipboard, brought dreadful feelings back to him.

The session had not even begun and he was already about to lose his wits with the doctor.

"Well, now that the clipboard is out of our way, how are you today, Mr. Li?" she asked sweetly, giving him a dazzling smile.

Why did his name sound so...scrumptious falling from her lips? He could only imagine how it would sound if she used his first name. He would probably burst in his pants instantly.

Syaoran stopped, realizing what he was thinking about. He had never given anyone permission to call him by his first name, so why was he thinking about letting the woman?

What the hell was wrong with him?

He just hated her a minute ago and now he was loving the way her voice sounded calling his name?

He could not tell if he was going crazy or not, but as long as he could hear that voice, he did not give a damn.

"I'm good," he said simply, as his eyes drifted down to her body and began undressing her.

When his eyes traveled back to her face, there was a slight blush that tainted her cheeks and he could not help but smirk at that. He could play his cards right, right now if he wanted to.

"What brings you here today?" she asked.

His eyes shifted from her clothed breast back to her eyes. How was he supposed to respond to that? He had not thought that she would ask that.

Of course, she would, but he did not think about that question before he walked through that door this morning. His fists clenched, thinking what he could possibly—no, how he could tell her what brought him here without sounding like a creepy, perverted man.

His palms began to feel sweaty again as his fingers dug deeper into his palm. Sensing her eyes on him, he glanced up at her again to see her patiently waiting for him to respond.

"I..." he paused and took a deep breath. "I don't know," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I see. Can you tell me why you made the appointment then?" she asked, still having an air of patience around her.

"I…I wanted to see you and…"

 _Fuck you._

She remained quiet, waiting for him to talk.

Seconds, even minutes ticked between them, but neither of them still spoke.

He knew that she was waiting for him to open up, but he could not bring himself to. He did not know what was happening. He had a solid plan before he even walked through that door this morning, yet here he was, raining free money down on her for him to keep his mouth shut.

He took one last breath before looking at her. "I've been having these...these thoughts..." he finally spoke.

"What kind of thoughts?" she asked, clasping her fingers together in her lap, making him imagine her fingers clasped around something else.

His eyes darkened, looking at her heatedly. Whenever she was around, he could never stop the lude thoughts from coming about the doctor sitting in front of him with her legs crossed at the ankle, patiently waiting for him.

Why could she not just open her legs for him and stop making it so hard for him? She could just make it simple by slowly unbuttoning her red, buttoned down top that was tucked into her black, pencil skirt. It would have been so simple...

She was so fucking close to him too. All he had to do was reach over and grab her, but she was making it hard on him. She was making _him_ hard.

His eyes shifted from her skirt to her face again, deciding that he had wasted enough time fantasizing.

"Sex."

Sakura looked at him with a straight face and nodded her head slowly. "Sex is a normal activity that a lot of people think about and often engage in."

"An…excessive...amount of sex..." he said, almost sounding strangled.

"Does thinking about this act cause a negative or positive feeling?"

"It's...great, but then..." he stopped, not wanting to tell her how he felt bad about it sometimes.

She seemed to know that he would not answer, so she moved on. "I see. How often is it?"

Syaoran looked at her and began to think about all the erotic images he had been thinking about doing to her almost every second of the day since he met her but heard a throat being cleared.

He felt his cheeks warm a bit, feeling ashamed. He was not going to answer that.

They sat quiet for a moment before she let out a soft sigh, that sounded like she knew he would not answer that either.

"When did this begin?" she asked instead.

When had this started? He had never thought about that because he just remembered...it happening. But when?

"Middle school, so thirteen," he said after thinking about the first time he had sex. The amount of sex he thought about was excessive before that too, but she did not have to know that.

She nodded her head slowly. "Have you been engaging in sexual activities since you were 13?"

"That was the age I…first had sex, so yes."

"Why did you decide that you want to get help now?"

His fists clenched, hearing that question. "I don't need help."

"Why did you make an appointment then?" she asked softly.

Syaoran closed his eyes and let out another fresh breath of air that he had been withholding. "I wanted to see you," he said truthfully.

"Why did you choose to want to see me now, rather than a few months ago? This seems to have been a problem for years and—"

"It's not a fucking problem!" he barked at her, causing her to become silent. "It's not a fucking problem, but I wanted to see you today."

"Because of the excessive amount of sex, you always think about," she concluded.

"Yes," he slipped up.

"And it's not a problem."

"No, it's not. Now stop fucking questioning me about whether or not it's a problem or not," he snapped.

He was being irrational, he knew that, but the psychologist was getting on his damn nerves trying to tell him that he had a problem when he did not.

"Alright, Mr. Li."

She remained silent and he began to grow furious with her silence.

It was her job to do all the talking. She was supposed to be the one giving him advice on how he can stop having these "excessive" amount of thoughts about sex. Why the hell was she being silent?

"Talk. Isn't that your job? Isn't that why I'm paying you?"

She had him on edge about everything now. She should have never said that he had a problem when she knew shit.

"Mr. Li, I can't talk if you are not willing to communicate back with me," she said calmly.

His eyes closed, loving the way his name sounded on her lips, calming him down a bit. He nodded his head, giving her the signal to carry on. He was definitely being irrational.

"Do you engage in these thoughts excessively too?"

"Yes."

"How often?"

"Whenever the chance is placed in front of me or if I find the time," he said.

"Is the urge uncontrollable?"

"Y—" he stopped and thought about it.

He could control himself if he wanted to. Maybe not his thoughts, but who could control their thoughts? Besides, he chose to give in to the urges. Not because the urges controlled him.

"I have complete control over myself."

"Does this interfere with your life? Your job, friends, family..."

Deciding that honesty was the best solution and the quickest way to get the talk over with, he shook his head. "I'm always sure that the job gets done. I would never let anything like this ruin the life of a patient I operate on. Lately, the thoughts have been distracting me...a lot."

"Does that make you feel in control?"

His fists clenched harder, wanting to hit _something—_ preferably a wall to destroy it. These questions were going to be the death of him if she did not stop.

"I don't know."

"Well, what about your friends?"

He shrugged, "I don't have time for friends."

"Your family then?"

His fists clenched and he let out a sigh. "Don't bring them into this. I know what you're trying to do," he shook his head unbelievably and inhaled. " It's all the same with you damn psychologists. You're going to try and dig into my past to see if my childhood has anything to do with my behavior today. I'm going to tell you this now though. My family has nothing to do with my actions today. I make decisions based off my own choices. Leave them out of it, stupid bitch."

She opened her mouth to respond, but he held a hand up, silencing her. "I'm just here to talk to someone about it. I don't need help, but it has been bothering me lately and I don't want to be in the ER thinking about fucking y—" he paused and closed his eyes. "Women..."

"I-I understand. When I said family, I meant a wife, or even a girlfriend, and maybe kids, if you have any."

He stared at the wall across the room from him for a minute, deep in thought about his assumption. He swallowed. "No wife, girlfriend, or kids. It's just me and...my fantasies."

"What kind of fantasies are they?"

His eyes landed on her and he felt himself hardening at that question. "They're..." his eyes travelled down her body slowly again and there it was again.

She was naked before him, letting him take control of the situation. She was letting him have his way with her body as he wanted to. He could never tell her that though. It would scare her off and she would end the session immediately.

He was willing to take his chances to fuck her while he could now though.

"This," he motioned between them and the room.

"P-pardon me?" She looked a bit bewildered.

"Situations like this..." he said huskily.

He glanced down at her bare arms to see goosebumps forming on them and held back the smirk that was trying to force its way on his lips.

"You...being in control of this situation, but letting me take control because that's what I'm best at. I've always been in control in every aspect of my entire life. When I eat, what I eat, who I associate myself with, who my partners in bed are, my job occupation...everything. And when someone takes that control from me...then allow me to have it back...it drives me insane."

"M-Mr. Li—"

"You're doing that right now and it's making me want to take you on this couch so hard and..." He closed his eyes after seeing her cheeks turn a bright red.

He was never one to force a woman into sex, but the way she was looking at him now made it almost impossible not to beg her to let him fuck her.

"Not just on this couch, but anywhere. Right now, I'd want to fuck you anywhere...especially when we were in that elevator... _shit_..." He took a deep breath and let it out. "Dr. Kinomoto, you don't understand how hard it was not to take you in that elevator. Shit..." He shifted on the leather couch uncomfortably and sat up, leaning his elbows on his knees.

Sakura cleared her throat and bit her lip lightly before letting it go. "H-have you ever had thoughts about taking someone against their own will?"

His face dropped and he glared at her, not believing she had just asked that. "Hell no. I would never—why would you even ask such a thing? Just, no, don't even answer that. I would never—" he scoffed, letting it sink in more and his anger only increased.

"Do you think I would do something like that?"

"Mr. Li, I am glad to hear that you have not even thought about it, but it was just a question. I'm sorry if I offended you in any kind of way. But there were no implications."

He took another deep breath and let it go. "This is...really hard for me, okay? I've never...I would never do anything like this—talk to a shitty therapist about my sex life, or anything, okay? I just figured...I need _someone_ to talk to about it because it's been very distracting lately and I need advice on how to stop it."

"The thoughts or the act?"

"The—" he paused, wondering which one he was talking about now.

He did not even know why he was telling her all this. His intentions to come here today had taken a huge turn because he was doing much more than he was supposed to.

He was just supposed to seduce her, fuck her, then leave. Everything had changed the moment he sat on this leather couch and she started asking him all these personal questions about himself. She was actually making him think about the problem for once.

Problem? When had sex become a problem for him?

Here he was again, trying to switch up on himself. He had no problem. She was fucking with his head like he suspected she would and he was letting her. She was being a manipulative bitch.

Feeling angry with her, but mostly himself, he stood from the couch abruptly, causing her to flinch back in the chair.

He reached over and grabbed her wrist, pulling her up from the chair. He dragged her from around the table to him and pushed her down on the couch underneath him roughly.

Before she could respond or protest, his lips crashed down on top of hers bruisingly, but his hand moved up to cup her cheek gently, contradicting his lips assaulting hers. He moved his lips against hers in the tight lip lock, taking each breath, she tried breathing. Almost immediately, he swiped his tongue against her bottom lip, tasting her.

Strawberry, with a mix of her taste. It was amazing. Phenomenal even.

One swipe was not enough for him, so he licked again before suckling on her lip, tasting the flavored lipstick on her lips. It was addicting. He was not sure if it was the taste or the texture of her lips. He did not care one bit though, he finally had her lips between his.

He gently nipped at her lip as his hand moved down to her chin and tugged on it, asking for entrance.

She never complied, but her hands moved up to his shoulders, causing his lips to become more demanding, crushing hers with the passion he felt for her.

He knew her lips would be bruised, but he could not bring himself to stop assaulting them. She was not pushing him away, so that impelled him to do even more.

He pressed his erection against her, letting her feel the affect she was having on him before pulling his lips away from hers when needing to breathe. He looked down at her lustfully as he tried catching his breath.

She looked even more desirable, looking up at him shocked, but thoroughly kissed.

He leaned down and kissed her one last time gently before regretfully pulling away from her.

"When can I see you again? Another session?"

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

He reached in the back of his pocket and grabbed out his wallet. He took out more than enough money and placed it on the table.

"I want another session. I want...this...to be fixed. I can't..." he leaned down and attempted to close the gap between their lips again, but she turned her head away.

"We can't do this, Mr. Li," she said finally finding her voice.

"When can we have another session?" he asked, ignoring her.

"I-I don't know—I'm not sure. I'd have to check, but _this_ can't happen again."

Syaoran's fists clenched, feeling a bit rejected. He thought that feeling was gone, but here it was, presenting itself to him again. He would not allow it. He moved off her, allowing her to sit up.

"Check."

Sakura stood from the couch, having to catch her balance as she stumbled over to the desk and began to rummage through papers clumsily.

She was nervous. He could tell and he was thrilled by it. She felt something for him. He did not know what, but there was something there, going off the fact that she did not push him away.

"U-uhh...the next two weeks—"

" _Two_ fucking weeks? You're making me wait two weeks just so you can _talk_ to me again?"

She remained quiet and he could see her eyes watering a bit. "Mr. Li, if you didn't need any help, why did you come here today?"

"I already told you. Don't you listen? Isn't that what you psychologists are good for? Sitting on your lazy asses while listening to people pour their hearts out? Can't you at least try to pretend to be good at that?"

He scoffed before she could respond and stood from the couch. "Just...put me down for whenever I can come in again."

"The 5th. I-I will let you know if anything changes in advance."

Deciding not to respond to that, he stormed out of the building, feeling worse than he had before he walked in this morning.

This was definitely not a good idea.

* * *

Sakura slipped her shoes off and placed them in the foyer closet of her apartment. She walked to her living room and collapsed on the couch, resting her arm over her eyes, blocking the bright light from her eyes after she placed her purse down on the floor.

She was more than tired. She was exhausted and wanted to just fall over and sleep the rest of her life away.

Today was one of those days. Definitely one of those days where she wanted to be swallowed in a black hole.

She could not believe that Li Syaoran had showed up at her office today. _The_ Li Syaoran. The same one she had been admiring for so many years now.

She had never heard anything about the man having a problem, despite the many articles that were written about him. He was like a hero in the town. Everyone knew and admired him, including herself. It was almost impossible _not_ to admire the man.

He had graduated from high school at twelve and received his degree before the age of fifteen. Right afterwards, he went straight to medical school and got out just as fast as he got in. The man never stopped pushing and it was almost hard not to feel inspired by him.

She knew that perfect people did not exist, but she had always thought that he was the one-person close to being perfect, especially with the way he acted during all those interviews and banquet parties held on his behalf on TV. He was the perfect gentleman. The picture-perfect guy, even.

She still could not believe that he had been the one to tend to her sprained ankle.

He had _touched_ her and she was too focused on her pain to even realize who the doctor was. He even flirted with her and she did not even know that it was him. How could she behave so stupidly in front of him?

When she had found out who he was, her heart had never beat so fast against her chest that she was afraid that she would have had a heart attack and died. It was the most amazing feeling she had ever felt though.

The man had actually acknowledged her existence. She had never been so happy before at that moment she found out that he was the Li Syaoran. In that elevator, alone with him.

But then today had to happen. He had to be the one who nearly made her cry. The rude, inconsiderate patient who made her feel less of a person.

She had never cried, nor felt tears come to her eyes because of a patient's behavior and she had more than a handful of rude, nasty patients. It was just something about Li Syaoran as her patient behaving in an inconsiderate manner to her. He was the one that she looked up to, her hero, her example of a close to perfect guy. Had she been wrong all these years about the man?

The media never displayed anything crucially negative about the man and they watched his every move. They knew almost everything about the man, so how could they have missed this? The bitter, angry side of him.

She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut tightly. She could not blame him one bit for his rude behavior though. From the very first question she asked him, she had picked up on his behavior. It was not intentional, but she was a psychologist. He hated psychologist for sure, but there was much more to it.

He was a bitter man in denial to his own problems. He had openly admitted that he was addicted to sex, but refused to acknowledge it as a problem. He had really believed that he did not have a problem despite the fact that he admitted it to her indirectly!

He had only further proved her point when...

When he grabbed her like that and kissed her like he had been longing to do it for so long. She could not even register any of it happening, so she did not even try to stop his assaults on her lips. It was _so_ wrong, yet she did not even put a stop to it.

She had felt his pent-up frustrations in the kiss. His _anger_ from God knows what, but she felt it. The man was bitter, angry, and hated whatever he was feeling.

Even though she picked up on his emotions, she had felt guilty because she had liked it, even though it was barely a proper kiss.

Her hand moved up to her lips and caressed them, still feeling the ache on them.

He had been so angry with her like she had done something to him—or caused the problem that he had.

At the hospital was the first time that she had met the man, so why was he treating her like she had triggered the problem? He had said that it was a problem since he turned 13—when he first had sex. She treated him with nothing but kindness the moment she had met him, so why?

She could admit that asking him that question was stupid, but the way they were going, she was sure that he would not give her that answer if it were true. She needed to know what triggered him and what made him uncomfortable. She had started to think that she went wrong with the last few questions that she had asked. Especially when he had started talking about taking her on the couch. Her suspicions had only rose even more about him taking women against their will. Luckily, it had not been one of his secret fantasies.

She could feel her cheeks beginning to heat up at the thought of the man talking to her like that.

She was being terrible, she could admit. He was only telling her the kind of fantasies that he had, but she was secretly enjoying.

She could not have felt guiltier than she had at that moment. He just had to use her in the scenario of his fantasies, which was not okay.

She should have told him that, but hearing him talk in that sexy voice prevented her from chastising him about the issue. So, instead of addressing that problem, she had moved on to the next question to figure out what the real problem was.

She had many patients with this addiction, but most of them were able to tell her a solid, spot on problem. Like masturbation, pornography, exhibition, or even the unusual fantasies that they had and felt ashamed of.

Li Syaoran did not even seem ashamed of his problem, so it was hard to tell what his problem was.

It only made her wonder if he truly did have a problem.

He had to have though, because why else would he decide to come and get help?

He had only answered a few questions that she was able to draw conclusions about, but not enough to help him solve the problem.

It was quite clear that the man was indeed addicted to sex, but he appeared to have no shame for it. Most people addicted to sex had feelings of shame, confusion, and despair, but he did not seem to have any of that.

He was more in denial than any of those emotions. Denial was what he should have been feeling before he even set up the appointment with her, but it was backwards. He was in denial during the entire session, which brought up the same question again.

Why did he make the appointment if he did not think that it was a problem?

He did not provide enough information for her to answer that and it made her slightly annoyed, but curious simultaneously. Curious enough to have let him set up an appointment, despite him trying to break the rules of the no doctor/patient relationship.

She wanted to help him. This was the exact reason she chose this path. To help people overcome the obstacles that they faced in life. But the man was making it so hard to help him. She had to do this for him though.

For starters, she wanted to help him realize that he _does_ have a problem. She would just have to use a different method of therapy with the man that she did not have to normally use, but she would. She had to do this.

Being reminded about that caused a new motivation for her to hop off on. She was going to help him, help himself. It sounded crazy, but that was the way she had always viewed her occupation. She led people in the direction to finding ways to cope with their problems.

Knowing that he had a problem made her feel obligated to help him. And she would.

There was a distinct sound of her phone ringing soon after her thoughts, causing her to groan in protest. Nevertheless, she lifted herself from the couch and reached over on the floor for her purse. She grabbed her phone out of her bag and looked at the caller.

 _Tomoyo_.

"Moshi moshi?"

 _"Get ready and grab your purse! I'll be outside in 20 minutes,"_ she heard her best friend over the phone chorus.

"Tomoyo, are you seriously going to drag me out in the middle of the week?"

 _"You need this, honey. It's been a long day for both of us. I'm going to be there in a few minutes, now get dressed!"_

Before Sakura could respond, she had already hung up the phone.

Sakura groaned and stood from the couch and headed to her room, already knowing that her best friend would not take no for an answer.

She took a quick shower and slipped on a cute, simple halter crop top and dark skinny jeans.

Just as her best friend promised, she was outside waiting for Sakura to come out 20 minutes later.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Sakura said, holding the phone up on her ear with her shoulder while slipping her sandals on.

 _"Hurry your tail up if you want to get in for free!"_ her friend yelled in the phone.

Sakura rolled her eyes exasperated before hanging the phone up. It was like her best friend to pester her about this kind of stuff.

They had been best friends since they were 10 when they met in fourth grade and Tomoyo still had not changed one bit.

Sakura pushed her door open and walked out of the apartment, not forgetting to lock the door behind her. She walked down the stairs and saw her best friend's car parked.

She caught a glimpse of Tomoyo's face and held back the giggle that almost escaped her lips. She had looked a bit furious.

"About time!" Tomoyo said the moment Sakura slipped in the car, buckling up her seat belt.

"You didn't even give me enough time to get ready. You called a few minutes after I had gotten home too, so cut me a little slack, please?"

Sakura turned to her and smiled. "You look hot, you know," she complimented her best friend, hoping to calm her down a bit.

Besides, it was not a lie. She really did look hot with all her dark hair pulled up into a high ponytail with that black halter dress on.

"Oh, stop it. You're just trying to distract me," Tomoyo said with a huge grin on her face.

"It's true! I feel like I'm underdressed now."

Tomoyo cranked the car up and pulled out. "You look more than hot Sakura and you know it."

Sakura giggled, shaking her head. It was typical for her friend to try and boost her confidence.

"So, tell me all about your day," Tomoyo said while keeping her eyes glued to the road.

Sakura began to tell her about her day, leaving out the details of the session with Syaoran, not sure if it would be a good idea to tell. She had told her earlier about a patient being rude, but knew better than to give away names. That was confidential information, even from her best friend.

They arrived at the club, only five minutes after talking about their day. They both got out the car and was making their way to the entrance line.

"By the way, where's Eriol? He let you out on your own for once?" Sakura teased.

Tomoyo giggled and tapped Sakura's bare shoulder lightly. "Oh, stop it. He had a ton of work that he had to get done before the night was out."

"Oh yeah, how is that going? The new advertisements?" Sakura asked, showing the man at the entrance her id when they finally reached the door. She was cursed with the _, **'look too young for your age'**_ syndrome.

"Great! They're getting tons of more customers buying the new products, so that's why he has so much work to do."

They walked in as their voices were drowned out by the loud music in the club. The club was dark, but there were blue lights that provided a bit of a visual view of all the people on the dance floor.

"You said that Naoko would meet us here, right?" Sakura asked over the loud music.

"Right! Come on, she should be where the bar is, if she is here." Tomoyo grabbed her hand and pulled her in the direction where the bar would be.

It was a little less quiet in the bar section, but the music could still be heard.

"It's on you tonight since you dragged me out with you." Sakura stuck her tongue out at Tomoyo playfully.

"Fine, but only this one time. Don't get too spoiled."

Sakura giggled and sat on the bar stool, following suit after Tomoyo.

"Can I get a margarita, please?" Sakura asked the fairly attractive bartender, grinning from ear to ear at him.

He smiled at her before he nodded and turned to Tomoyo.

"Mai Tai," Tomoyo requested.

He nodded and turned to get their drinks ready for them.

"You know, flirting could make neither of us pay tonight. Smooth Sakura."

Sakura gasped dramatically and placed a hand over her chest pathetically. "Me? Flirting to get a free drink? I would _never_!" She giggled and shrugged her shoulders.

"Right, keep it up and we'll be getting free drinks all night." Tomoyo winked at her playfully.

"Oh, you can't do the dirty work since you're taken, so you'll put it on me?" Sakura raised a brow at Tomoyo, giving her a pointed look.

Tomoyo shrugged and nodded her head, laughing. "I have to find new resources somehow."

"I pity you taken women," Sakura said dramatically.

Tomoyo giggled and shook her head good-heartedly.

"Here are your drinks, ladies. Let's say the first one's on me." He looked at Sakura and winked, causing her to blush slightly.

Tomoyo laughed and grabbed her own drink, taking a sip of it.

Sakura took a sip from her glass and smiled shyly. "Thank you, kind sir."

"What time is Naoko planning to get here?" she asked when turning to Tomoyo.

Taking a sip from her drink, Tomoyo shrugged. "I have no clue. I told her that you had a bad day and needed to have a little fun tonight, then she told me that she'd come out too with us."

Sakura hummed and took a sip from her glass. "Well, looks like we'll be having a bit of fun without her."

Tomoyo laughed, giving her a knowing look before taking a larger gulp from her drink. "Right."

"Free shots for the first round," the bartender chimed in, seeming to have been listening in on their conversation.

They smiled and nodded their heads before picking up the small, shot glasses and downing them.

Sakura cringed before letting out a loud sound of protest from the burning, disgusting taste.

The bartender and Tomoyo laughed at her reaction and that was how the night went from there.

More light flirting rewarded later with two shots and one more glass of alcohol had Sakura feeling a bit tipsy, but fully aware of her surroundings.

"I think we've had enough to go on the dance floor and embarrass ourselves now." Tomoyo smiled at the bartender kindly who was clearly smitten with Sakura and all her flirting.

He chuckled and nodded, motioning for Sakura to go have some fun.

Feeling a bit more confident in herself, she winked at him before sliding off the stool.

She turned around, getting ready to walk towards the dance floor with Tomoyo.

She halted in her tracks when she was staring into a pair of piercing, amber eyes of the last person she had wanted to see tonight across the room.

Was the man trying to torture her?

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews, follows, and alerts! I hope that some of your questions were answered in this chapter. I am sorry for the late update though, but I hope this chapter was satisfying enough for you guys. I will go back later and recheck for any grammatical errors or awkward, rushed moments in the story lol.**

 **Please drop a review and let me know what you guys are thinking of the story so far! It would make me feel a little bit better about my writing and line of vision I have for this story! :D**

 **Ja ne!**


	6. The Cold, Hard Truth

**"The Cold, Hard Truth"**

* * *

Syaoran gazed into the captivating emerald eyes that had been occupying his mind the entire day. What was he even thinking coming here tonight?

He had needed another release, but he had not been able to drop by here in a good while to pick up a woman.

There was no way that he could ask another one of his employees to get him off again. He had previously used three different women at the hospital and he could not bring himself to do anymore. Word would have gotten around that he slept with all of them in one day and that was the last thing that he wanted to happen in his hospital. When that happened, things got a bit messy.

That was only one of the reasons he came here tonight. The main reason was mostly the fact that his buddy had somehow convinced him to go home early for the night, due to his poor performance in the hospital all day.

He had never slacked on the job before, but it was something about today that set him off about everything. He had already known what that something was all along though. It was the psychologist that he had seen over 12 hours ago and he was beginning to think that he was slowly going mad.

He _slacked_ on the job. That was definitely not who Li Syaoran was. He was to try to be perfect in everything he did in that hospital. He was the leader—the head of the place, so he had to remain as the standards that people held for him.

He sighed and glanced down at the clock on his arm. He was used to being at the hospital at this time, but he had let the man convince him to leave to clear his mind of some things. And he ran into the one thing that he was trying not to think about— _her_.

He had one job. One job to clear his mind from the little devil and he ran straight into that one person he was trying not to think about. But here she was, in that hot little outfit, looking just as shocked as he was across the club from him.

Screw the not wanting to see her part anymore though.

He strolled over to her in large steps, failing to notice the other woman beside her.

"Surprise seeing you here," he said smoothly, pleased by her uncomfortable shifting in front of him.

"Right," she said under her breath awkwardly, but he read her lips like they were his favorite novel, sucking in the one word they articulated.

"Hello, Dr. Li," another voice said, snapping him out of his trans with the woman.

He turned to the amethyst-eyed woman beside Sakura and gave her a small smile, recognizing her from a week ago. "Hello," he nodded towards her.

"Would you mind if..." he pointed to Sakura, "I borrowed your friend for a bit?" He gave her a charming smile, causing Tomoyo to blush a little.

She turned to Sakura, giving her a questioning look. "Sakura?"

Sakura gave her a small, reassuring smile. "Yeah, it's fine."

"Alright, I'll be over there then," she pointed to a different section before giving them their privacy.

Syaoran scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Uh...you want a drink?"

"No thank you," she said formally.

"Would it be too much to ask for a dance then?" he asked, taking his chances while he could.

"Mr. Li," she started.

He took a step towards her and she automatically moved back, appearing as though his presence was not welcomed by her.

His fists clenched as he began to feel annoyed with her. Why the hell was she making this so hard for him? Could she not see how much he wanted her?

He knew exactly what it was though. She had repeatedly reminded him earlier, despite him not giving a damn about that rule with her occupation.

"We aren't in a session now, so there is nothing wrong with one dance—or a drink."

She wrapped her arms around herself, looking a bit uncomfortable. "I told you that... _that_ can't happen, Mr. Li. You are now my patient, and that is as far as this whole ordeal will get."

He moved towards her again, closing the gap between them. "I'm not _paying_ you right now, am I? We are outside of your practice and there is nothing wrong going on here."

She moved back from him again and pursed her lips. "Have a good night, Mr. Li."

She made a move to turn around and leave him, but his hand shot out to grab her arm reflexively.

"Wait..." he almost pleaded.

He _really_ needed her in his bed tonight. It was now or never because he was almost sure that he would go mad if he did not have the woman tonight.

"Mr. Li—"

"Drop the formalities when we aren't in a session together. This is...just..." he stopped and dropped his head, realizing how pathetic he was sounding just to get a feel of her lady parts.

"Mr. Li, have a good night," she attempted to pull her arm from his grip, but it only tightened automatically.

He immediately let it go and felt ashamed of his behavior.

Two weeks ago, he would have never thought that he would try and force himself on a woman. In fact, he never would, but it was different with her. Everything was different with her, and that made him extremely uncomfortable. She made him feel too many different emotions all in one setting, which was not in his demeanor.

Maybe he was turning out to be a bit crazy.

Deciding that he was being a bit irrational, he sighed and shook his head. He would have to take another approach to this instead of being aggressive with her because it clearly was not working.

"I...am acting a bit unreasonable, I know that, so please try to understand that I'm not trying to be..." he stopped and compressed his nails into the palm of his fingers tightly.

What was he doing?

He was being pathetic, is what.

"Can we just talk then?" he asked instead while looking at her hopefully.

She let out a soft sigh and glanced around the club at all the adults.

"T-talk me out of going home with some random woman here tonight or something. That is the reason I am here," he said, hoping that she would buy this since she had already jumped to the conclusion that he was an addict.

Plus, she was a psychologist. These were the people who put up that facade that they cared about the well-being of other people's problems, so if she played the role correctly, she would tell him okay. She would 'talk' him out of going home with some whore tonight out of pity, further proving his point about these people.

She remained quiet though, allowing not a single sound to escape her lips, which only caused him to become infuriated with her.

He scoffed and glared at her. "Do I have to pay you to talk to me outside of your practice too? Damn, you psychologists really are greedy sons of bitches."

The next thing that Syaoran felt was something that he had not felt in ages. A sting that was so familiar, yet so foreign to his cheek by a feminine hand.

She had slapped him. Possibly with all her strength too, considering the sizzling sensation on his cheek.

"We are not in a session, Li. You have one thing right here, so I in no way have to show you any kind of respect. You _will_ respect me though."

Syaoran opened his mouth to retort, but she held a hand up, silencing him like he had done to her earlier.

"If you want any kind of help from me, you will treat me like I am a person and stop defining me by my occupation. Is that understood?"

His mouth opened again, ready to speak, but not a single coherent word or sentence came to mind.

"The 5th is the only day that you can come in and I will keep that day cleared specifically for you. It is up to you, whether or not you want to come, but I will not let you disrespect me any further than you already have."

She gently pulled her arm from his grasp on her and gave a warming smile. "Have a good night, Li-san." With that, she walked away, leaving him too stunned to even stop her.

Had she really just told him off like that—slapped him in front of all these people even? He knew that there was only so much a person could take, but she did not even look capable of defending herself.

No woman had ever blatantly rejected him like that, aside from the one woman he did not think about anymore.

How could the people who were considered to be the most caring and compassionate ones, create an emotional mess that made him feel like the worst person that walked the earth?

This was all wrong.

He looked around the place to see if there was any attention on him after being humiliated by that woman. Thank goodness the area was not crowded with people or he probably would have been. Still, it was all wrong though.

His fists clenched as he closed his eyes tightly, willing the feelings of rejection and shame to wash away, but it was not working.

He opened his eyes and looked around the bar section to see Sakura sitting with her friend, talking and laughing about God knows what with the bartender.

Why was she so happy after their encounter while he was over here feeling like shit? How could she?

Deciding that he had enough, his eyes drifted over to a woman not too far from Sakura and her friend, sitting alone at the bar counter. It was perfect.

The girl had long, blonde hair and doe-like eyes that almost resembled the same innocence that Sakura held. She looked quiet and innocent enough to keep her trap closed about the night he would give her.

He walked over to the bar section and sat by the woman, feeling thrilled when his skin could sense the emerald orbs on him. He wanted her to see this, make her feel bad even for not talking him out of this. Simply for his pleasure too. He needed this—his medicine.

"Rough night?" he asked the blonde beside him.

She turned to him, appearing a bit surprised that she had caught the attention of a handsome fellow. "You have no idea," the woman said eyeing him a bit hungrily.

He inwardly groaned. She looked better, not trying.

"Order up then, it's on me," he said smoothly, giving her one of his charming smiles.

A dark blush tainted her cheeks before she ordered a drink.

"You know, it's a shame when I see pretty women sitting by themselves at places like this." He let his hand drop down to her bare thigh gently.

"R-really?" she stuttered, looking at him shyly.

"Yes. It's a wonder why one of the men in here haven't swept you off your feet and brought you back to their place yet."

He felt thrilled when he saw her blush deepen before he let his hand slide up her smooth thigh a little.

"Maybe it's because I was waiting for someone like you to sweep me off my feet and bring me home," she said flirtatiously.

Now this was what he needed. Someone willing to accept him with opened-arms, make him feel secure.

"We should call it a night, Tomoyo." He overheard Sakura say to her friend and he could not stop the smirk from creeping to his lips.

It served her right for not talking him out of this like he had asked her to. He hoped that she missed out on sleep tonight because she felt bad about not helping the poor 'addict.'

"Why don't we get out of here then?" Syaoran suggested, removing his hand from the woman's thigh and grabbing her hand.

She giggled and slid off the stool after he helped her down.

He did not need the psychologist to make him feel secure. He had other women who were willing to do that for him.

Fuck her and the games that she was playing with him.

* * *

Syaoran flexed his jaw as he rubbed his bruised cheek, annoyed with his employees running their mouths at the table.

"What's got your panties in a knot, Li?" Dr. Hanaka asked, taking a huge bite out of his sandwich.

"Nothing," Syaoran responded blandly.

"What the hell happened to your face, by the way? I've been meaning to ask you."

One of the other doctors at the table nodded, staring intensely at his face. "Yeah, some chick bitch-slapped you because you tried forcing yourself on her?" he asked jokingly, with a smirk on his face.

Everyone at the table started laughing.

 _What the hell's so funny?_

Syaoran glared at them. "I'd advise all of your asses to shut the fuck up, if you want to keep food on your tables at home."

Everyone froze at the table, except for Dr. Hanaka.

"Shut the fuck up, Li. I don't know what your problem has been lately, but you need to get it together." Dr. Hanaka laughed, looking at everyone to join him, but they remained quiet.

"Come on guys, you can't take the boss _too_ serious."

"Dr. Hanaka, I don't give a shit how long we've known each other. I'll fire your ass in a heartbeat too."

Syaoran pushed his chair back loudly, drawing attention to their table. He picked up his food tray and stormed out of the cafeteria and headed for his office.

He slammed his office door shut, and then threw the tray of food down on the desk, causing the drink to spill over in his food.

Groaning at the mess caused, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He may not have been raised better than this, but he knew better. And better was definitely not behaving this way. He needed to go and apologize for his rude behavior.

His mood had been up and down since last night at that club when the psychologist blatantly rejected him like he was any man. He was beginning to think that he did have a problem, aside from the egocentric side that tried popping its little head out every once in a while like it had just tried. He never treated his employees like that, so why would he start now?

He sighed and sat down in the rolling chair, leaning back on it and closing his eyes. He took a deep breath, and then let it go.

He was going to make this right. Take back the control of his life that he had been losing over the last few weeks now.

He never acted out like a child who could not get what he wanted. He needed to apologize to his employees and then the psychologist, if he wanted to still have a chance with her.

New approach, like he had told himself last night after she rejected him. He would try something different with her that he never tried in the past, which was very annoying.

First, he needed to get it right with his employees though. He almost felt disgusted with himself for using his higher position against them.

Deciding that he could not possibly wait to apologize to them, he stood from the chair and headed back to the cafeteria.

When he arrived, he saw that they were still sitting at the table, chatting amongst each other. He sat back down in the empty chair he had left behind a few minutes ago.

It became quiet the moment he looked at them. It was as if they sensed his presence coming a mile away, which oddly made him feel uncomfortable.

"Look, you guys know that I'm not _that_ guy..." he started off, wondering how he could possibly apologize without saying the word 'sorry.' He almost never used that word to people he associated himself with and he sure as hell would not start now.

"I got you, man," Dr. Hanaka said, grinning at him.

Syaoran sighed in relief, glad that he did not have to give that speech.

"It's cool, doc," the other doctors chimed in, patting him on the back.

Now that, that was over with, he could think about better things.

Like sex.

 _Shit_.

No, not sex. He was testing to see if he did maintain some form of control over his actions when it came to his sex life.

The psychologist had him thinking about it now. The moment he went home with that woman last night, his mind had been replaying the session with the psychologist the entire time and it disturbed him to the utmost.

She had asked him if he had control over his actions and he was sure that he did when he told her yes. There was no way that he could not control his urges, so why was he struggling to control his thoughts about sex now?

"Earth to Li," one of the doctors waved a hand across his face.

Syaoran blinked and turned over to him. "Did you say something?" he asked dumbly.

The table burst into a fit of laughter and his brows knitted together in confusion.

He shook his head and decided to ignore the foolishness. He grabbed one of the nurse's arms who happened to walk by. "Could you go and get me another tray?" he asked and gave her the charming smile he knew worked on every girl. Except one.

She blushed and nodded her head.

"Thank you so much," he said before the nurse left.

"What happened to your food?" Dr. Hanaka asked, looking at him confused.

He shrugged. "I spilled my drink over in the food."

"Man, you _really_ need to get it together. You have been slacking around here lately."

Syaoran's eyes narrowed over at the man before deciding to ignore him. He would not indulge in his tyrannical battles today. Also, because what the man was saying had some truth to it.

It was the sex. It had to be the sex for the reason he was acting so poorly lately. Not just any sex though. The imaginary sex with the psychologist he had been having in his head lately. The thought of mind-blowing, amazing—

"Here you go, Dr. Li." The nurse sat the tray down, interrupting his thoughts.

He looked up at her and smirked. "On-call room in 15 minutes?" he asked quietly.

She smiled at him bashfully and nodded her head mutely before walking off.

He picked up the chopsticks and ate his food in silence, while listening in on the conversation about the latest sports and media news.

After he finished, he was heading to the on-call room to fulfill his need until he realized what he was about to do. The complete opposite of what he had said that he would not do earlier.

Sex.

He stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes for a moment, wondering if he should do this or not. He did not _have_ to do it. It was simply a choice that he was making, which meant that he had control over the situation.

That was right. He was doing this by his own choice, not by his urges.

He continued on his journey to the on-call room to get to that nurse waiting for him.

Standing in front of the door to the on-call room now, made him wonder again.

Did he not just say that he would not think about sex, let alone do it, just to see if he had control over his sex life?

He mentally shook his head from the thoughts, realizing he was just having repetitive thoughts about the same thing.

This would be the last time before the test began. That was it. He would do it one last time before he stopped to see how long he could go without doing it, and if he did have control over the urges.

People always did things one last time before they stopped. It was like saying goodbye to that thing because it was going to be left behind. So in his case, it would be like goodbye sex.

Perfect, glorious, goodbye sex.

After logically reasoning with himself that it was in his control, he opened the door to the on-call room and was delighted to see the nurse there waiting for him.

It was definitely just going to be goodbye sex.

* * *

Syaoran sighed as he pulled his scrubs back up his hips after the quickie he just had with one of his doctors at the hospital two weeks later.

This was the 36th goodbye sex he had just performed and he was beginning to think that it was no longer goodbye sex anymore. What should he call it now?

"I'll see you later." He kissed her head lightly before he slipped out of the on-call room, leaving the woman to fix her clothing.

So it was not goodbye sex anymore, if speaking technically. And?

He did not have to stop having sex. Sex was a healthy activity that people should engage in, if they were being safe, of course.

Too bad he had to learn that the hard way some years back when he slept with one of those prostitutes without protection. Now that he thought about it, what the hell was he thinking back then? Sleeping with a prostitute without protection was insane, considering all the men and women they engaged themselves with sexually.

He shivered, thinking back on the day he had gotten himself tested for a sexually transmitted infection.

All the pain and discomfort that he had felt made him swear that he would never engage in any type of oral activities with prostitutes, along with always using protection if he decided to sleep with one.

Another wave of unpleasant chills glided throughout his body at the thought of that horrid memory, reminding him of the treatment he had to do in order to recover from it.

As if his pager sensed him having horrifying memories, it beeped, snapping him out of his thoughts. Looking down at it, he sighed, already knowing that the doctors were attempting to pull on his leg again.

Before he went into the on-call room with that doctor, he had just finished doing an appendectomy on one of his patients, due to an infection, so there was no way that he was being paged to go and perform anything that fast, unless there was another accident in town.

He shook his head, highly doubting that was the case even though it was nothing to doubt when it came to that town. He remained with his first conclusion, that it was probably one of the doctors toying with him again.

Nonetheless, he still headed to the hall that he was being paged to.

When he arrived, there was a chaotic dilemma going on his hospital that he had not expected. There were injured people, doctors trying to tend to wounds, while calming patients down, nurses trying to be of assistance, families looking for their loved ones. What the hell happened while he was away for less than 10 minutes?

"He has to be rushed into surgery, Dr. Li! We can't waste another minute," one of the doctors yelled over the noise, causing Syaoran's head to snap in the direction with confusion written on his face.

Said person was being pushed on the gurney quickly, so Syaoran just nodded to give the okay to the doctors. The only thing he caught a glimpse of was a man with a head full of coffee-colored hair and blood before the sight disappeared from his eyes.

Guilt automatically overtook his being, but he quickly pushed it to the back of his head so he could begin to treat as many of the people's injuries that he could.

While doing this, one of the interns finally explained to him that a car accident had occurred between a school bus that ran a light and another vehicle being the victim of the collision.

He looked around the room at all the young adults. That had explained the dozens of students in the room looking traumatized at the moment, some even wailing.

"W-where's the family? The family of three? Are they okay? Were they brought in? Were there kids? Family—family or just relative family—something. You have to tell me something." Syaoran asked while he continued to stitch up the emotionless teenaged girls' arm that had been split opened by the glass.

He was trying to remain calm, but his conscious kept reminding him that he was having sex during the beginning of this chaotic mess.

"Dr. Li? Are you okay—"

"Answer the damn questions, intern," he almost snapped, but maintained the façade that everything was alright in front of the patients.

"Th-there was a three-year-old girl, I think and the parents. The man who was being rushed into surgery right now is the father—husband in the family. There was internal bleeding in the brain and he's lost a lot of blood and majority of his bones are—"

The rest of her sentence was drowned out by his conscious and the noise that the rowdy, hormonal teenagers, doctors, interns, nurses, assistants—all of his employees, arguing about who should tend to who and what should be done, and it was driving him mad.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, praying that this would stop his adrenaline from rushing, due to his frustration and anger. But it did not work, so he did the illogical thing. He snapped.

"Shut the hell up!"

The entire room was washed with silence that even a pin could drop and be heard. Everyone looked at him stunned.

"Get these patients parents on the phone like they've been begging you to and stop fighting like lunatics. I need everyone to please, please, please remain calm in order for there to be any structure in this room. Please forgive my forwardness, but remaining calm is the only way to get things done here."

Everyone remained quiet, before he turned to his employees.

"What are you all waiting for? Make a move people!"

And just like that, everyone started to get the job done as he demanded.

He tended to as many injured patients as possible in hopes that it would wash away the guilt that his heart felt.

How could he have been having sex at a time like this? Why could he not suppress the urges a little longer than he had this time?

What the hell was wrong with him?

His questions stopped when his pager beeped in his lab coat.

Was Tomoeda that keen on being in harm's way today?

* * *

Syaoran pulled the scrub cap off his head and walked out of the operational room, guilt still evident in his appearance even though no one had noticed.

He had been paged to scrub in on the surgery for the man. The procedure had been more complicated than he thought because they had called him in, which was not always the case in his hospital. He did have the final say in everything of course, but that did not mean that the other doctors would willingly ask him to scrub in.

Now here he was, struggling to tell a woman who might be widowed that her husband could already be possibly dead because he did not know if he would wake up.

Informing her that most of his bones were crushed on his left side had already been a hard task, considering she had just awakened from her own procedure. Now he had to break more bad news to her.

It was horrible. She had begged him to save her husband's life. She had begged him to be her god for just a few hours during the procedure and he tried. He really did try, but now he did not even know the outcome of it. There was not a single clue if the man would wake up, so now he had to figure out how he could tell his wife and break her heart too.

He pushed the door opened, heading to the woman's room to break the news to her before he stopped.

Why did he have to be the one to do this anyway? This man was not even his patient to begin with. The sly doctors did this on purpose when they called him in, making him take over the complicated procedure.

He sighed and shook his head, after realizing that the man had become his patient the moment he scrubbed in. Damn, he sure was acting like a bastard today. He pushed the door opened to the patients room and maintained a neutral face for her sake.

The woman with long, brown hair and eyes glanced up at him hopefully, which only made his face falter before he returned it back to the neutral one.

"Please..." the woman begged weakly. "Please tell me the good first."

His mouth opened, ready to break the news to her, but nothing came out.

"Don't do that, Dr. Li! Patients don't like when a doctor is speechless! Is he dead?" she asked brokenly.

"No," he responded immediately. "But there was a lot of damage done to the cerebellum in his brain, which controls his coordination...with the vertebrae, which helps him stand and balance himself, so I can't tell you how it will be for him when he wakes up."

Her skin turned pale as her face dropped at the news.

"The brain-stem is connected to the areas of the body that helps him have control over his breathing, blood pressure, and consciousness. There was damage done there as well..."

He stared at her horrified face before continuing. "There was also swelling in his brain, leading to increased pressure within his skull, which resulted in a decrease of blood flow. This also leads to unconsciousness."

"So...you're telling me that my husband—the father of my kid, is basically dead?" she whispered as her eyes began to glisten with threatening tears.

"No, I'm telling you that we don't know when he will wake up, but he's not dead. He's just—"

"Dead!" she interjected loudly.

"He's not brain dead, so the chances of him waking are very high. The surgery was a success, but—"

She shook her head in disbelief vigorously. "I asked you to do one thing! One thing Dr. Li and you failed! You failed me and..." she stopped and dropped her head.

"Get out," she said lowly.

"I'm—"

"You killed my husband! Get the hell out of here now!" she yelled as her body shook vigorously.

Deciding not to further upset the woman with his presence, he left the room to give her time to grieve. He sighed and pushed the thoughts and feelings to the back of his mind since it was the only thing a doctor could do when they had failed at saving someone.

Suck it up and move on to save another life.

As cold-hearted and emotionless it sounded, it had helped him over the years being a doctor.

He could just remember the first time that he had lost a patient. He had almost lost his sanity, feeling like the useless piece of human on earth as he used to feel when he were little. It had been the most devastating feeling in the world and way too close to home for him. Extremely close to home, so he did the logical thing.

He had quit the first job that he had and became a homeless man for months, not knowing what to do with his life.

His entire life had always been dedicated to becoming a doctor and he failed the moment he finally reached that goal. Thank God for the amazing people in his life who had helped him recover from the traumatizing event and get his life together, but that did not mean that the feeling of uselessness had washed away. Thus, helping him come up with the motto. 'Suck it up and move on to save another life.'

"Lost a patient?" a voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

He looked in the direction of it and sighed. "Hiiragizawa, I'm really not in the mood for it today—why the hell are you even here?"

Eriol shrugged. "Friends were involved in the accident."

Syaoran's face twisted a bit. "Who?"

"Touya, Nakuru, and Aika Kinomoto."

"Kinomoto?"

"Sakura's brother and his family if that's what you're asking."

Syaoran visibly froze before he shook his head in disbelief. "Is she here now?"

"I'm not even sure if she knows about it yet."

"What do you mean you're not sure if she knows? He's her brother!"

"No one can get in contact with her—"

"Bullshit!" he stormed off from Eriol, not believing a single word that he had said.

There was no way that the man he just performed surgery on was the psychologist's brother. How had this slipped past his ear the entire day he was trying to 'fix' the man?

Her brother.

Her sister-in-law.

Her _niece_.

How would she react and view him after knowing that they did not know how long her brother would be out? That they were not gods who could save the inevitable and snap their fingers to make things better?

Most of all, why was this suddenly about the approval of her view of him?

* * *

"Can I really keep him, sir?" the little girl asked, holding onto the stuffed bunny tightly.

"Of course, he's yours," Syaoran said, giving the three-year-old a warming smile.

She blushed and hugged the animal to her chest tightly. "Thank you so much…" she said shyly with a blank expression on her face.

"When will mommy come back? And where is Daddy?" she asked, looking at him hopefully for answers.

"Mommy has to sleep for a bit before she can come in and see you again," he said reassuringly.

"And Daddy?"

"Daddy is also sleeping, but he may need to sleep a bit longer than Mommy," he tried explaining in a way that she would understand.

"Oh…" she said disappointed before lying back on the bed.

"Are you feeling okay? Anything hurting on you?" he asked, shifting the conversation over to something else before she asked any further questions about her dad.

She pointed to her slightly bruised arm then sucked in her cheeks, looking at him sheepishly like she had done something wrong.

"Only a little," she said immediately.

"How about I get something to treat the small ache then?" he asked.

She nodded mutely before looking down at the bear in her other arm longingly.

Syaoran stood from the small stool by her bed and moved over to the cabinet. It was a miracle that the little girl had barely received any injuries from the accident. The bus had collided with the front of the vehicle on the driver's side. It was a wonder the man was even still alive when they got him here.

He applied the ointment to her arm and glanced at her face to see her staring at nothing in particular.

He felt bad that he could not think of anything to do about the little girl's traumatized state, but he knew that there was nothing he could do. He had expected her to cry, scream, or even panic that she was not aware of her surroundings and that she wanted her parents. She did none of that though. She had been remaining calm the entire time during the whole chaotic events.

He even worried about her emotionless state for a bit, but quickly remembered that people acted different in traumatizing events.

This was the sole reason that he did not work in the pediatrician section of his hospital the most. There was no way that he could sit around and watch kids suffer and die before his own eyes.

After giving her a lollipop and talking with her for a bit longer, Syaoran left to go and check on his other patients to make sure that they were all fine.

The day was finally coming to an end, but there was no way that he would be leaving this hospital tonight. He was not even sure if he would make it to that appointment tomorrow with the psychologist.

He sighed and shook his head for the fifth time that day, realizing how ridiculous he was sounding in his head.

Of course he was going to see the psychologist tomorrow. He needed to. There was no way possible that he could keep going on this path. It was becoming insanely ridiculous now. And it was time. It was time to finally put a stop to his behavior.

He quietly pushed the door opened to the room where Touya occupied. He stopped in his tracks when the first thing he noticed was a head of auburn locks lying on the side of the bed by his patients arm, holding his hand with her own.

His eyes travelled down to the owner of the hair to see that it was the psychologists with her eyes closed tightly with tear streaks on her cheek. She looked so exhausted to the point where he wished that he could do something to ease her weariness. He knew there was no such thing though.

He glanced at the time and blew out a silent breath. It was not even visiting hours, so she had to leave.

Goodness, how was he supposed to wake the beautiful woman up and ask her to leave?

The way her delicate fingers held on to her brothers hand like she would never leave his side with that contorted expression on her face stopped him from waking her. He certainly was not ready to face the woman yet either.

He walked out of the room and closed the door behind himself. When he turned around, he came face to face with Aki, the widowed nurse.

"D-Dr. Li!"

"Akari," He acknowledged her presence, not even glancing in her eyes.

"I was wondering…" she paused and he could feel her looking at him pleadingly.

"Y'—" he stopped, re-collecting his thoughts for a moment.

He wanted to. He _really_ wanted to. He needed it; even his body knew that he needed it because it was ready by the mere thought of the act. There was no way he could do that now though. Not after what happened today.

"I have a few patients that I have to check on…" he said giving her a reassuring look.

She smiled at him and nodded before walking off.

He released the breath that he held in and started walking away from the door before he changed his mind and woke the psychologist up and begged her to fuck him as sick as it sounded.

* * *

Sakura forced her body to lift itself from the uncomfortable position on her bed. She lazily looked around her apartment room and yawned. She rubbed her eyes, hoping to get rid of the restlessness she felt. When had that ever helped though?

She sighed before forcing herself out of bed. She walked over to her dresser and opened it before looking up at her reflection.

She cringed at the puffiness around her eyes and the dark circles under them. She really did look like a monster as her brother always called her.

The thought of her brother caused her eyes and nose to burn as the tears welled in her eyes.

She still could not believe that _her_ brother was in the hospital. In a coma. The same man who taunted and teased her about any and everything she did. How was that even possible? It had to be some kind of sick joke that someone was playing on her.

She vigorously wiped the tears from her eyes before they could stream down her pale cheeks. Her brother would not want her shedding any tears for him, so that was the least she could do for him.

Besides, he could wake at any minute now, so there was nothing to worry about.

More tears formed in her eyes at the thought, being reminded that there was also the possibility that he could never wake up. Not any time soon, at least.

She looked away from her horrid reflection in the mirror and picked up undergarments before she went to the bathroom to shower.

After finishing, she slipped on her professional attire and headed out the house, not forgetting her cell phone this time.

She had forgotten her phone at home yesterday, which only resulted in her being the last person to find out about her brother and the accident. Why was she so irresponsible sometimes?

She sighed, shaking her head from the thoughts before she left the house and drove to the hospital.

She visited her brother, then headed to Nakuru's room, hoping that Aika would be there too.

"Auntie Saku!" a cheerful voice beamed the moment Sakura walked in.

"Aika." Sakura stooped down to the floor, opening her arms for the little girl.

Aika ran into her arms and hugged her tightly. "I missed you so, very much!" she said muffled in Sakura's button-down shirt.

"I missed you too." Sakura's eyes met with Nakuru's sad ones who was across the room from her in the bed.

After she pulled back from the little girl, she stood from the floor and grabbed Aika's hand, leading them back over to her mother.

"Nakuru," she said brokenly before hugging the woman tightly, but being sure not to crush her broken bones over the cast.

"Sakura...I...I don't know—what am I supposed to do? I—"

"Shh…stay strong for Aika's sake, right now," Sakura whispered in her ear.

She nodded and pulled back from the hug. She gave Sakura a forced smile before Aika climbed back on the bed beside her.

"What are you guys doing in Tomoeda, by the way? You didn't even call or leave a text."

Nakuru smiled sadly and shrugged her shoulder. "Surprise!"

Sakura smiled as the familiar burn formed in the back of her eyes again that morning. "You guys were coming to see me?" she almost whispered in disbelief.

"Yeah. It's almost been a year since we last got together."

"Oh, Nakuru..." she said with a sad smile. All of their lives had gotten so busy over the months that they could barely find time for each other anymore.

"It was Touya's idea," she said, sighing.

"Daddy is sleeping for a very long time," Aika said looking at the closed door in the room.

"He'll wake up soon, sweetie," Nakuru said reassuringly.

"The nice sir told me that too," Aika said as a small smile formed on her lips.

"He also gave me Mr. Rabbit," she held up a stuffed animal to Sakura with a grin on her face.

"That was very kind of him." Sakura smiled at her a little.

"Oh, Sakura. You know I'm not a bad person, right?" Nakuru said, suddenly turning to Sakura.

"Of course not. Why would you ask something like that?"

"Because I snapped on Dr. Li after he broke the news to me. I blamed him for Touya's condition, Sakura. I feel terrible about it!" She burst into tears and grabbed Sakura, hugging her tightly with her perfect arm.

Sakura's eyes softened and she wrapped her arms around the woman comforting.

"You're not a terrible person, Nakuru. You were only talking out of your emotions."

She pulled the older woman back so she could look up at her. "Now stop crying. Aika's going to start worrying about you, which will only cause more distress for the both of you. Me included."

"Okay...you're right. I'm an emotional wreck, aren't I?" She laughed without any trace of humor.

Sakura smiled sadly and smoothed the woman's hair down. "Yes you are. Now get it together for all of our sakes."

"You're right. I can..."

"Apologize to Dr. Li and tell him that you didn't mean it," Sakura instructed.

She smiled sadly, nodding her head. "Okay—"

"Sincerely," Sakura added with a similar smile.

"Sincerely..."

A comfortable silence followed after that none of them seemed to care about.

"Don't you have patients today? You don't have to sit in this depressing hole, trust me." Nakuru broke the comfortable silence between them.

A sad smile formed on Sakura's lips. "You guys are here, so that automatically makes this less depressing than what you're perceiving it to be," she said quietly.

"You do, don't you?" Nakuru asked again.

Sakura sighed. "Yes, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be here with you guys."

"Sakura, what's wrong? It's very unlike you to stall to get to a patient."

"I'm not stalling. What's wrong with wanting to be with you guys? I haven't seen you guys in almost a year and then this happens..." she trailed off.

"Well, we will be right here when you're finished with your sessions." Nakuru gave her a pointed look.

She sighed again and dropped her head. "You're right and I'm sorry. It's just, I have a difficult patient who isn't cooperating. In fact, I don't even know if he will show up today. That's why I'm not really rushing to get in."

Now that she thought about it, the man had never gotten around to telling her if he would show or not. Quite frankly, she did not necessarily even want him to show.

She had told him that she would leave her schedule clear for him two weeks ago on this day and he probably never even thought about it once.

She groaned out loud, thinking about how terrible her mind was sounding.

One part of her wanted him to show, while the other dreaded his behavior that he was bound to act out on her. That last part only made her not want him to come in today.

"Come here," she held her arm out for her. Sakura went into her welcoming arms and smiled. "Has a hard patient ever bothered you this much before? The Sakura that I know never let a patient's behavior stop her from helping them," she said encouragingly.

Sakura sighed, feeling a bit bad for being the one that was being comforted. "I know, but it's different with this one..."

She thought about telling her who the patient was for her to understand, but she knew that was impossible. There was no way that she could risk that. Especially by telling Nakuru because she ran her mouth about everything.

"I don't see how. You've always had a heart to help people."

Sakura's eyes widened. "No, no, no. It's not that I don't want to help them. It's just..." she stopped and sighed.

"I get it. I'm sure you'll figure it out somehow."

Sakura smiled at her for understanding and nodded before pulling back.

"Thank you. I should get going then."

She stood from the bed and looked over at the little girl who had been playing with the stuffed animal the entire time. "I'll see you later, Ai-chan," Sakura said, pulling on the little girl's cheek gently.

Aika looked up at her smiling. "Will...will you come back here?" she asked softly.

"Of course. As soon as I'm all finished with my work."

Aika stood on her knees and hugged Sakura tightly. "Okay…"

Sakura hugged her back before turning to Nakuru. "I'll see you as soon as it's over," she said to her.

Nakuru nodded with a small smile and Sakura left the room, heading to her car. She hated to leave Nakuru alone to her depressing thoughts, but the woman insisted on her meeting with this patient today.

She drove to her office that was only five minutes away from the hospital. Unlocking the door to the building, she realized her hands shaking. She was nervous and anxious to see the same man that she had slapped back at the club.

She still could not believe that she had done that. She had never done that before, so it was a shock to herself that she had landed the blow on his cheek. She could easily say that the man deserved it without hesitation with the way he was disrespecting her like that though.

During the session was one thing, but outside of it too? There was no way that she would allow him to do that.

She sighed and pushed the door opened to the building and walked inside, being sure to close the door behind her. She walked over to the desk and started organizing the papers that she had left scattered yesterday after finding out the news.

The news where her brother...

She could feel her eyes beginning to water again at the thought before the door opened, instantly making the tears vanish.

She looked up to see the familiar man in green scrubs with a distressed look on his handsome face as he walked over to the desk where she was. His hair looked a bit more disheveled than normal, and he even had a slight five o' clock shadow on his face.

She glanced back up in his amber eyes, opening her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.

"Control."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you guys so much for the reviews! It was nice to have an insight of what you guys are thinking (and fearing) so far. I was going to respond to everyone's reviews separately, but seeing that we all have some similar frustrations here, I decided to respond to them as a whole.**

 **First things first, Syaoran is an asshole and jerk! A bit arrogant too, but these traits about him are the result of something. While reading this story, you guys may want to consciously have the thought of the "cause and effect" somewhere in the back of your head because there is a reason behind everything here. In my opinion, there should be no justifications about being rude and mean, but in this case, I'll let our Syaoran slide for this story.**

 **I actually laughed so hard at the reviews that expressed how badly they want Syaoran to suffer in this story. I fully agree with that, which is why he is suffering and will suffer more in the future chapters. Much greater than he currently is in the story, but all at a good cause. There's a reason behind every characters action in this story, because I hate it too when there is unreasonable actions in a story that causes unnecessary conflicts and more drama. There will be drama, but not the annoying, heavy on drama type of story, I guess is what I'm saying.**

 **Also** , **yes, different types of sexual infections is something that should not be taken lightly in this story because realistically, if a guy (or girl) sticks every or anything in their genitalia areas, then it is bound to happen, which happened to Syaoran a few years back. That is why I mentioned it in this chapter. He just got lucky enough to catch one that was curable. Still something to think about if he continues on this way because it's not only a smutty story, but a bit realistic too.**

 **Another thing, rape is not something that is taken lightly in this chapter or story at all since there were a few implications on someone forcing themselves on another. I just wanted that to be clear because I just thought about it while writing this authors note lol.**

 **There will not be an antagonist female character in the story though. Well, not how you guys may think there will be, so sorry for the people who are big fans of that kind of stuff! Though all the other women he is sleeping with could be considered it. I know it's not great for "Sakura and Syaoran pairing" fans to read Syaoran with another. I'm the same way, but he is an addict. Right now, he doesn't care who he sleeps with as long as there's stimulation on his part. Not saying that it will be that way forever, but...:P**

 **So, on to Sakura's character in this story, she isn't going to be a weak character. In fact, she will probably be the stronger character. Her occupation does have something to do with that, but not all of it. Rest assured, she will not be one of Syaoran's whores in this story because I personally hate when stories portray females that way too.**

 **Also, I personally hate when authors start a story and never continue it, so I'm not planning on doing that. And to further prove my point, I've been writing this story this week, which is midterms...I was writing it today and I had a midterm this evening, so I'm not going anywhere lol.**

 **Likewise, if you got to the bottom of this long authors note, I applaud you! I would give out candy if I could, but sadly, we all know I can't.**

 **Anyway, please leave more reviews! It's fun reading them and encourages me to write more, considering the fact that I've been writing during midterm week, which is crazy, I tell you!**

 **All criticisms are welcomed as well. I take the harsh truth (also nicely put) as a lesson to learn from and improve in my writing.**

 **Anyway...I'm going to go study as I do have a test tomorrow.**

 **Ja ne!**


	7. Always About the Control, or Not

**"Always About the Control, Or Not"**

* * *

She stared him in the eyes intensely, as if she were trying to read what was running through his mind. His cheeks began to warm unconsciously at the unwanted attention on himself.

His decision to come here on a whim was already irrational and spontaneous, so her staring like that did nothing to ease his nerves. These were acts that never described him, but somehow, she always sparked something new in him, each time they had encounters.

He had his work attire on, which was not something that they left the hospital in. What scared him the most was the fact that the thought had not even crossed his mind to change out of his work attire because of the sudden urge to see the woman.

The moment his body became aroused back at the hospital, he knew that he had to come see her or he would have given in to his urges again and again and again. And he could not do that anymore. There was no way that he would sit back and allow _that_ to control him again. He thought he had it all figured out, but he was wrong. Though hard to admit, he knew all along that he was wrong about this.

"W—"

"Don't...talk, please," he demanded when he heard her attempting to.

There was no way that he could listen to that voice and not have regrets about the decision to come here. It was already too late though. She had done the deed. She opened that damn, beautiful mouth of hers, forcing his eyes to take in her appearance, and strike the inappropriate thoughts to accumulate in his head, welcoming his body to react to the lude thoughts.

 _Great._

"It's all about the control that I feel during sex and I love that. It makes me feel…"

His fists clenched, realizing he could not explain what it made him feel. What _did_ it make him feel?

"Safe?" she asked after he never figured it out.

He hardened in the scrubs, at her voice. "Safe?" he questioned.

"Yes. Does it make you feel safe?" she asked again, offering an encouraging smile for him.

"I…"

He could feel his heart beat against his chest hard and faster than normal at that question as he stared at the papers on her desk, not really looking at what they were.

She stood from the chair behind the desk, his attention averting to her again. She moved across the desk and walked over to the chair before she pointed to the couch, motioning for him to sit there.

For once, he obliged to the demand, knowing that he needed to get off his feet before his legs gave out on him if he was going to remain in her presence.

Clearing his throat, he spoke. "Y-yesterday…" he paused and sighed. "Yesterday, there was an accident…"

She visibly froze in front of him and he already knew why. He even felt a little bad for reminding her about it, but he had to lay this out on the tables for her to understand.

"And all I could think about was being in the on-call room fucking..." He looked at her desperately, hoping for answers. "It sounds awful, I know that, but at that moment, I didn't feel like I had any type of control of the situation anymore. I felt..." He sat up, leaning his elbows on his knees, eyes silently begging her. "What did I feel?" he asked her, but not expecting her to answer.

"You—"

"No, don't talk, damn it. You'll just make it worst," he snapped suddenly.

She raised a brow at him and sat back in the chair, an air of patience radiating around her.

"I don't know what I felt, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling..."

Silence followed and he peered at her as his eyes began to undress her unconsciously. He quickly looked away, not wanting to act out irrationally like he had during their last encounters together. What the hell was wrong with him these days?

"Why do you like the control?" she asked quietly, almost hesitantly.

His eyes traveled back up to meet emeralds that were staring at him with compassion. Fake compassion.

"Don't...look at me like that. Just don't, please..." he whispered the last plea.

"Like what?" she asked with squinted eyes, clearly confused.

"Like you care," he said. "Like you have any kind of concern for my health when you don't," he said angrily.

She sighed and smiled at him sadly as if she had come up with a conclusion. "Do you think this is just about the sex?" she asked.

He looked at her questioningly. "Of course, it's just about sex."

"Are you sure?" she asked softly.

He glared at her. "Yes, I'm sure. Why are you trying to get off topic?"

"I'm not. I'm just making sure that we are on the same page."

Syaoran sighed and ran a shaky hand through his hair before looking back at her. "I apologize, okay? I'm not normally this irrational and rude, but..." he took a deep breath and released it. "You make it so hard to talk...and you're so attractive...you're _so_ damn attractive and you don't want to have sex with me. And I don't know what to do about that…" he stopped, realizing he was just rambling on about nonsense.

"Mr. Li."

He looked up on hearing his name.

She smiled at him sadly. "This isn't just about sex anymore, is it?" she asked again.

He sighed, having enough of this. "How can I stop the urges?"

"Are we going to go around in circles today again?" she asked testily.

"How can I stop the fucking urges?" he asked, upset that she was not giving him the answers he desperately wanted.

Seeming to know he would not answer, she took a deep breath. "What _can_ you do to stop the urges?" she reversed the question.

"Isn't that your job to tell me?" he asked.

"Shouldn't it be your job?"

His fists clenched, annoyed with her reversed questions. Was she playing jokes with his brain or something?

"No, damn it. Am I really just paying you to listen to me?" he asked in disbelief, more to himself. He had his assumptions about psychologist, but that did not mean that he _truly_ believed them. They were not just people who listened, right?

"No, there is so much more going on here."

He scoffed, mouth opened with uncertainty slightly before he spoke. "I don't see any of it. Honestly, I don't even know what I am talking about anymore." He stood up abruptly from the couch. "It was stupid coming here today and I—"

"Sit down, Mr. Li," she demanded.

He looked at her as if she had multiple heads. "Excuse me?"

"Sit down. We're going to start somewhere so that you can get help."

He laughed without any trace of humor. "Is that what we're doing here now?"

"Yes. You need help, Mr. Li and you know that too. Even though the first session may have been a disaster for you, you're here again today. That means something, you're starting _somewhere_. Now...sit down," she almost whispered the last part.

Syaoran stood still in his spot, not able to move, knowing that she was right. There was no way he could admit that out loud though. He may have had other intentions on the first session, but this time was completely different. He had come here in hopes of not having sex today.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw her stand from the chair and walk over to him. She grabbed his arm gently with her soft fingers, causing a chill of desire to course through his entire body, and pushed him to sit on the couch slowly before pulling back, to his disappointment.

He looked up at her stunned as she walked back over to the chair and sat down in front of him.

"Are you ready to continue now?" she asked quietly.

Not able to form a coherent sentence as usual, he nodded.

"Okay, you've told me that sex makes you feel in control, but is there anything else that it makes you feel?"

"L-like what?" he asked uncertainly.

He could not believe that he was discussing how he felt during sex with the one person he wanted to have it with the most. This was crazy.

"Secure? Loved? Wanted?"

Nailed it right on the head.

"Yes."

"Yes, to which one?"

"Um..." He felt awkward telling her this, for some reason. He did not want to seem needy and desperate in front of the one woman he wanted to fuck now, but was she really giving him a choice?

"It's okay, I'm not one to judge, if that's what you're thinking," she said, smiling at him.

He shook his head, forgetting his pride and fears for the moment. "All of the above."

She nodded her head slowly while looking at the table blankly as if she were in deep thought.

About what though? Was she on to him?

"W-what are you thinking?" he asked without thinking.

She looked up at him and smiled, shaking her head. "It's nothing to worry about. Can you tell me if you feel powerless over how you act sexually?"

"Yes..." he dropped his head in embarrassment at admitting the shameful information to her.

Sensing his shame, she decided to ask the next question, "Are you ashamed of your sexual behavior?"

He glared at her softly before it changed into a suspicious look instead. "Is there a purpose behind these different questions besides to make me feel ashamed of myself? Humiliated, even."

To his surprise, he received a giggle on her part. "Mr. Li, you _have_ to stop feeling like everything is targeted at you."

He looked at her skeptically, clearly offended by her statement and having not a single clue if she was saying yes or no.

"No, the questions are not to make you feel humiliated."

"I…don't like not knowing what you're thinking of me."

She raised a brow at him. "Really?"

"Yes, it's disturbing."

"Why does it matter what I think of you?"

"Because..." he looked at her and sighed. "I never said it did."

"But it disturbs you."

"It doesn't matter. Just..."

"Can you answer the question then?"

"I'm...I'm not ashamed of the act. I love it..." he trailed off as though he had more to say.

"But?"

"But what?" he asked.

"There's always a 'but.'"

"Can you just tell me how to stop these urges?" he asked again.

"Tha—"

His pager went off, signifying an emergency at the hospital.

He quickly stood, reaching into his pocket to grab out his wallet. He sat a large amount of money on the table.

"I have to go," was the last thing he said and quickly left her alone in the building.

* * *

Sakura stood from the chair as a small smile crept to her lips after hearing the door close behind the man. This session was much better than the first.

She had succeeded more than she had given herself credit on the first one, after all. He had thought about her questions from the first and applied them to his condition. It had worked after all.

A silly grin spread across her face as she nearly skipped over to her desk to find his charts, with a sense of pride in herself. She took it out and scribbled a few important things that she had figured out today about the man.

Safe, secure, loved, and wanted. Control was also one, but the man was not even aware that he had no control. He lacked a sense of control over everything, including his sexual behavior. She could not possibly tell him that yet though. He would become furious with her again and stop himself from getting help because she had acknowledged the information and presented it to him. Why was the man so stubborn?

She sighed and straightened out a few more things and headed back to the hospital to check on her brother and sister-in-law.

"That was pretty quick," Nakuru said after Sakura had settled herself in a seat by the bed.

"Patient had to leave early. How are you?" Sakura asked, smiling at her.

"I have a major headache. Let's not talk about me though. How was it?"

A bright smile formed on her lips again, thinking about the doctor. "Much better than the first."

"Oh, progression successful?" Nakuru asked excitedly.

"Definitely. A bit more cooperation this session too. Still short-tempered though."

"Is this a man we're talking about here?" she asked, raising a brow at Sakura.

"How did you know?" Sakura asked sarcastically, already knowing the answer the woman was about to give.

"All men are short-tempered, of course!"

Sakura mimicked the woman and soon afterwards, a loud slap came to her lap. She gasped. "Ouch, half lady," she joked, causing Nakuru to laugh out loud.

"Way too soon, you cruel girl," Nakuru said with a smile on her face.

"Hey, where's Aika?" Sakura asked after noticing the absent child.

"In the peds area playing with some little girl we met here."

Sakura smiled and nodded before her mood suddenly shifted to one of depression. Thinking about Aika and other patients in the hospital only brought one other person to mind; Touya. She did not really want to bring it up to Nakuru because she had already been crying as it was easy to tell. Her eyes were red and a bit puffy around them.

Nakuru felt terrible, she could tell. Her entire appearance was the complete opposite of what she possessed most of the time. Perky and chirpy described her the most, but instead, she was depressed and lost. She looked like a child who had been taken away from her parents forcefully and could never see them again.

"Heard anything else?" Sakura asked quietly.

Nakuru smiled sadly at her. "He's still the same..." her voice cracked a bit, but tried holding it together.

The expression on her face had changed into many different emotions at once, as if she were confused to what she should feel. Despair and sadness seemed to take over more before she cried out. "I can't even get up to go and check on my own husband! I'm such a terrible wife, Sakura! I don't deserve your brother at all, and I certainly don't deserve you as a sister-in-law!"

She burst into tears, covering her eyes with her hand suddenly as her sobbing only increased. Sakura sighed and stood to give her sister-in-law a comforting hug, feeling the tears brim in her own eyes at the thought. Nakuru was being so hard on herself when none of this was her fault.

As hard as it felt to say and believe, Sakura knew that she had to say something comforting, anything to help ease the woman's pain, along with some of hers. "Everything will be alright, Nakuru. You have stay positive about _this_. You can spit and think all the negativity that you want, but this. This is something that you have to be positive about," she said with as much compassion as she could.

Nakuru pulled back from the hug, looking up at her. "C-can you go and check on him? Also, see if you can get me a nurse to take me to him. Can you do that for me?" she asked her with a desperation to her voice.

Sakura released her hold on the woman. "Of course I can, honey. Anything," she said reassuringly.

"Thank you," she said and smiled at Sakura sadly.

Sakura nodded and left the room, walking to her brother's room. Before she could reach the room, she had to lean against the wall for support because of her weakened legs and the dam finally breaking from her eyes. It was still hard to believe that her brother, Kinomoto Touya, was nearly on his death bed. If he did not wake up soon, she would start having regrets about everything, from her insults to the kicking on his shin's when he would call her a 'kaijuu.' How she longed to hear his voice calling her that again...

Taunting her about the way she would loudly stomp around the house when she was running late for something, the way she ate her food, her reaction to certain things. She longed for all of this again, but there was a possibility that it was all gone forever.

Lifting her body from the wall, she lifelessly continued her journey back to his room, just to see him again. She was probably not even allowed in the room, but she was only going to check.

She opened the door and immediately froze on the spot at the sight. There were doctors, nurses, and possibly interns, crowding around her brother, who happened to be seizing.

A sharp inhaled breath came from her at the sight of her brother's body tensed and shaking vigorously before her eyes.

"Onii...chan..." she murmured, unconsciously walking further in the room.

"Onii-chan!" she yelled, praying that would snap him out of it as the threatening tears finally spilled from her eyes like a dam.

Every head turned in her direction, but she did not give two cents about who they were.

"Get her out. Now."

She looked in the direction of the familiar voice to see Syaoran turning her brother over to his side.

"Onii-chan!" she yelled again, her legs leading her closer to him.

"Are you all deaf?" Syaoran said before two interns came to their senses and clumsily scrambled over to her, grabbing her arms, trying to pull her out.

She struggled against them. "Please! Onii-chan! Snap out of it!" she yelled, while struggling against the two.

"Let me go! I can—"

She was forcefully pulled out of the room as they kept a firm hold on her, thinking that she might run back in.

After a few seconds of struggling, all movements came to a stop, exhausted from the energy she put in to be there for her brother. There was no hope.

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out, as if her vocal chords were held back until they broke loose, releasing a loud cry.

"Please! Please! Please!" she begged, not able to control herself any longer.

Without thinking, she grabbed one of the interns and cried onto her chest loudly. She had not even noticed that the intern had wrapped an arm around her, and was leading her away from her brother's room.

When they sat her down, she looked up at them desperately. "What's going to happen now? Is he going to be okay? Please! Tell me something reassuring, anything," she rambled on, wiping the tears from her eyes, smudging the light makeup that she had on.

"We aren't his doctors…" the redheaded intern said sadly.

"How…" she stopped and squeezed her eyes shut, wishing the tears would stop flowing so freely.

"His body is still in shock from the occurring events yesterday. They're post-traumatic seizures."

"They won't...kill him, right?" she asked weakly.

"No, but Dr. Li is going to get his condition under control."

"Oh..." she let out, relieved and rested a hand over her burning heart. "Please, do everything that you guys can. If there's anything that needs to be done, let me know," Sakura said.

The interns nodded before leaving her alone in the waiting room with all the other people who seemed to be in distress too.

She sighed and stood from the chair after composing herself, aware that she would not be able to sit in that depressing hole. Wallowing in her own sadness, and feeling the load of the others around her was something she could not simply do right now, though she did this on a daily basis. She needed a little break from it now.

She headed back to Nakuru's room, dreading what she could tell the woman without telling the truth. There was no way that she would be able to tell Nakuru what she had just witnessed.

She opened the door and walked inside to see Tomoyo stooping down on the floor beside the bed, coloring with Aika.

"Tomoyo," Sakura called, glad to see the woman.

Tomoyo looked up before looking back down. "Auntie Sakura's here, Aika. We can color a little later," she said to the girl softly before standing up and walking over to her best friend.

She enveloped Sakura in her arms, holding her tightly. No words were spoken between the two because there were none needed.

When they pulled back, Tomoyo wiped the stray tear from Sakura's cheek while smiling at her sadly. "How are you?"

"I'm...I'm making it," she decided on after struggling to express her emotions now.

She felt a small body press against her lower half and arms wrap around her leg. "Don't cry, Aunt Saku. Or you'll make me sad," Aika said and her hold tightened.

Sakura ruffled her hair as she forced a smile for the little girls caring nature before picking her up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad."

She gave the little girl a fake, silly grin. "Is this better?"

Aika giggled and wrapped her arms around Sakura's neck and buried her face in her shoulder. "You're so silly," she said between giggles.

Nakuru gave a short, humorless laugh, catching Sakura's attention. Shame washed over her, knowing that she was about to lie to the woman.

She held a thumb up with a forced smile.

Nakuru sighed in relief and a bright smile formed on her lips, relieved that there was no bad news, even though the situation was already bad enough.

She was so going to burn in the pits of hell for this.

* * *

A sigh of relief left Syaoran's mouth after he had finally gotten the man's seizures under control and explained the condition of his patient to the family.

None of them had seemed mad at him anymore, and the wife had even apologized for her behavior from the day before. That had made him feel a bit better about himself, but the reason could have been mistaken for something else. Like the psychologist's session from earlier, or even just her presence in his hospital.

A warm, fuzzy feeling erupted in his stomach at the thought of her. She was no longer his psychologist in this hospital. A psychologist, yes, but not his, so there was no reason to hate her existence for the moment.

"Dr. Li!" He heard a familiar voice call behind him.

He turned around to see the woman he had just been thinking about. A brow raised as a questioning look formed on his face at the sudden interest she had in him.

She was panting when she caught up to him. "I…uh…I just wanted to say thanks back there. For not giving me away like that," she said a bit nervously. She was always nervous and fidgety around him outside of her practice.

"It wasn't a big deal. You know that it wasn't smart to lie like that though. What if his condition had gotten worse?"

"Then..." She shrugged her shoulders with a sad smile. "I guess you would've had to tell her that he wasn't okay, right?"

Syaoran nodded and glanced around the hall for any eyes or ears that could witness the next thing he wanted to bring up.

"Thank you, Dr. Li. I know he isn't awake yet, but you and the other doctors are doing the best you can, I'm sure. There is no other way that I know to show you my gratitude," she said, sounding very sincere about her gratitude.

 _By taking your clothes off…_

He quickly looked away from her body before he spoke his thoughts out loud. Also, to get rid of the painfully tight ache in his scrubs.

"Come to lunch with me," he suggested instead.

As if all else was forgotten, she huffed and folded her arms under her breast, hitching them up a little for his eyes that somehow trained themselves there. "Was I not clear with you back at the bar?"

"No, no, no. It's not to..." He stopped when feeling his face heat up at the topic. Since when did he feel embarrassed by the topic of sex?

"I'm not going to try anything like that anymore," he said truthfully.

After that session and a few thoughts and realizations, he had concluded that his chances of sleeping with this woman was very low. She took her job way too seriously.

"What are we going to do at lunch?" she asked, looking at him suspiciously.

"Talk. Help me gain some form of trust between us. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

She pursed her glossed lips. "You're twisting it. That's not how a patient gains trust for the therapist."

His head dropped, knowing that his manipulating schemes were not working. What was the harm that could come out of them eating lunch together? He wanted to know her. Know that she was not just some person who showed fake compassion to people she barely knew.

When had he even began to want to know her though?

"But, lunch would be okay. We never finished our session together and you paid me, so we could continue it," she said, smiling at him sadly. He could tell that she was still sad about her brother.

Syaoran almost groaned at the mention of continuing where they had left off at though. That was _not_ what he had in mind. Why did everything have to be about her occupation when it came to him?

"I wasn't really asking for that..." He looked at her face to see that she had raised a brow at him, almost daring him to say otherwise. "But that will be fine," he settled on instead of letting the opportunity pass him by.

"Alright. We can..." She stopped and looked at him confused. "Don't you have patients to tend to?"

Syaoran shrugged. "We'll cut it short again if something comes up."

"Oh! I was meaning to tell you. Nakuru-chan has been having extreme headaches today and she's refusing to tell any of the doctors because she just thinks that it's a normal headache. I'm getting a bit worried about it now."

He nodded. "I'll get Dr. Kasinai to run some scans on her to make sure she's fine."

She sighed in relief and rested a hand over her chest as if a load had been lifted. "Thank you so much."

Syaoran nodded and looked around the floor again before clearing his throat. "Um…I don't want anyone knowing about this…" he motioned between them. "So, could we possibly do this somewhere more private in my hospital?"

She giggled and shook her head. "You're talking as though we are doing something illegal here."

Through the midst of this storm, he was surprised that she could still have such a positive vibe around her. He almost envied the way she was.

He blushed and scowled at her. "Do you think this is some kind of joke? I have a reputation to hold up here. No one—"

"I never planned for us to talk about your problems to everyone, Dr. Li," she interrupted him.

He sighed in relief. "Good...we could do it in my office."

She raised a brow at him.

"What? You're expecting me to say we could do it in one of the patient's room?"

"Your office is okay," she said softly.

He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Okay. Come on then."

He walked ahead of her again, but heard her footsteps behind him. He pressed the elevator button before turning back to her. "After I show you where my office is, I have to go and handle a few things."

She nodded her head. "Alright."

The elevator doors slid opened, so they walked inside.

Syaoran instantly hardened in his scrubs at the thought of them being closed off together in the elevator. Alone. Again.

 _Shit_.

The doors slowly closed and so did his eyes as he silently prayed that he would make it through the ride without jumping her bones. When opening his eyes again, he looked at her from the corner of his eyes to see that she was glancing down at her phone texting, which brought up the question that he had not thought about before.

Was she already taken?

His eyes squinted, trying to read the name to see if it was a man, but before he could, she pressed send and put her phone away.

She turned to him and smiled sadly. "It seems like it's been a crazy week, huh?"

"U-uh…" He swallowed. "Y-yeah. Everything will pan out the way it's supposed to be at the end of the day though?" he said questioningly.

He had never been good at trying to comfort people and he rarely ever tried, unless it were a kid. He felt obligated to comfort her though and that nearly scared the living hell out of him.

"You think so?" she asked with a hopeful look on her face.

Unwittingly, his features softened and an unusual small smile formed on his lips. "I know so."

Before she could respond, the elevator doors slid opened.

They walked out and he led her to his office, being sure that no one noticed her going in.

"I'll be back shortly," he told her before closing the door behind himself.

He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts together. The first thing he needed to do was inform Dr. Kasinai to run some scans on the woman, but get rid of this aching pain in his scrubs at the same time. Maybe he could get one of the nurses to get him off really quick?

He cringed, realizing how terrible that would make him feel, especially knowing that the psychologist was there. He could just handle that himself. Right, that was what he should do.

He paged Dr. Kasinai and gave him instructions, then headed to the restroom. He closed the stall door and pulled his scrubs down a little, pulling out the source of his pain.

The moment he took a hold of himself, a mental image of the woman in his office flashed across his mind and it did not take any time to finish himself off. After cleaning up, he went to the cafeteria to pick them up something to eat and then headed back to the office where she was.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door with one hand and pushed it opened. The moment he saw her sitting on the couch in his office looking at everything in the room admirably, he instantly hardened again. He groaned inwardly and closed the door behind him.

She looked up at him with a small smile. "You know you didn't have to actually get me something to eat."

He shrugged and sat the tray down on the glass table in front of the couch. "My invitation was to have lunch, so I intend on keeping my side of the deal. Yours was to continue our session."

"Yet you agreed." She gave him a pointed look, silently daring him to argue against it.

"Because you're insisting that I need 'help,'" he said, starting to feel a bit annoyed with the woman sitting down, implying things that were not true about him. Well, things that she had no business saying out loud, at least.

"What do you think it is then?" she asked, challenging him.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused by the sudden change in their conversation.

"Why did you accept my invitation?"

"I..."

She scooted over on the couch for him to sit, which he did. An awkward silence passed between them before he cleared his throat.

"You're hot," he stated boldly, leaving no room for her to argue. "You look extremely good to fuck," he said after seeing the blush form on her cheeks.

She reached up to the table and grabbed the drink, opening it. She stabbed the straw inside the cup and took a sip before turning back to him.

"Are you finished?" she asked in a voice that left no trace if she had been affected by his statements.

He looked at her incredulously, wondering if this was even a woman beside him. "W-what?"

"Are you finished? Because I was expecting a lot more than, 'You look hot' or 'extremely good to fuck.' Those aren't good enough excuses to see a psychologist. You can find a pretty face and hot body anywhere."

He looked down at the food on the tray, feeling unbearably embarrassed. Why did she do this to him? It was almost as though she lived to embarrass him.

"Are you ready to admit that you need help now?"

Syaoran sighed and grabbed the sandwich on the plate from the tray, ignoring her. Why was she so adamant on him admitting that anyway? Could he not just have her here to talk? Her presence distracted him from sleeping with multiple women, so why was she not accepting that? Well, she was not even aware of that, but that did not mean anything. She should still be proud that he was talking to her, instead of sleeping with other women right now.

"So, we haven't reached that point yet," she said after he remained silent.

"What fucking point?" he snapped, glaring at her.

"The point where you can admit out loud that you need help," she said calmly.

"Because I don't need help," he lied, despite the fact that he was well aware that he did.

"Alright. When was the last time you had sex then?"

He took an angry bite out of the sandwich, hoping that the bitter taste of his lies would be drowned down his throat with the sandwich.

"Yesterday."

"Was that when you realized you needed help?"

"I don't need..." He stopped and looked at her when realizing that she was right. How the hell did she know that?

"Dr. Li, I understand that this is very hard for you. But I really need you to work with me here. I need you to tell me as much as possible about the way you feel about this."

"I told you..." he whispered, dropping his head, ashamed.

"I need you to tell me why sex makes you feel secure, safe, and wanted then," she reiterated the question.

"Because..." He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, appearing deep in thought. "Feeling those things makes me feel in control. It makes me happy," he said concentrated on every word he spoke.

"Do you think that there are other ways that you can be happy?" she asked before taking a sip from her drink.

"Are you saying that sex shouldn't be something to do to be happy?" he asked, feeling a bit nervous of her answer this time.

"That depends. What is sex to you?"

"Sexual intercourse."

"No, what _is_ _sex_ to you?"

"Oh..." he shrugged his shoulders. "Fucking, I guess."

She sighed and nodded her head. "Sex is supposed to be an act of intimacy."

He remained quiet after that, deep in thought. He knew that sex was considered to be something intimate back in the day, but a lot of people did not really look at sex like that anymore, so his view of it was fine. Sex was…well, sex. There was nothing more to understand about it.

"That's not how I see it," he said plain and simple.

"And that's where we need to start. Have you ever had a girlfriend before?"

"Yes."

"Assuming that the two of you had sex, you didn't see it as intimacy between the two of you?"

"No. I tended to her needs, as she did mine." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"I see," she remained silent after that and reached up to grab her sandwich on the tray. She took a bite out of it, silently chewing it.

He gave her a skeptical look. "W-what are you thinking? Is that wrong?"

"I thought you didn't care what I thought about you."

"I-I don't—"

"Do you want the approval of everyone around you, or is it just me?"

His fists clenched. "What the fuck?" he said incredulously.

"I'm trying to get you to see the patterns here."

"Then why the hell can't you just tell me, instead of making this so complicated?"

She took a bite out of her sandwich, then sipped from the drink.

"There was something in your life...I don't know what or when, but something that caused you to have the strong desire to feel in control...wanted, secure, safe, and have the approval of everyone around you. And I think that you already know the answer to that."

"I..." He stopped, feeling a painful, rippling in his chest.

"Whenever you're ready to talk about it, the floor is open," she said softly.

"There is nothing to talk about. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," he said angrily.

"Why are you letting your emotions get riled up then?"

His eyes widened, shocked that he could not understand why they were.

"I..." he stood from the couch and ran a frustrated hand through his hair before turning back to her. "It's really complicated. I can't talk about... _that_ with you or anyone else. I just..." he took a deep breath. "Why does it just have to be about me? Can't I ask you questions and make you feel vulnerable too? Make you feel embarrassed and ashamed too? I think you're getting a high out of making me feel this way. How would you feel if I asked you questions to make you feel vulnerable?" he asked.

"Go."

"W-what?"

"Ask me questions. Make me feel vulnerable. Make me understand how you feel."

He blinked, wondering if this was real. Was she really allowing him to ask her whatever he wanted?

"U-uh..."

Before he could come up with a question, his pager went off, signaling he was being called.

"C-can we continue this in the next session? When?"

"Of course. How does every Thursday for the next couple of weeks sound for you?" she asked.

He nodded and then left the room before she could respond, as usual.

It was like a new routine that occurred between them now.

* * *

So, she got him to admit that there was something that happened to have caused him to be the person he was today, but what? What could have possibly caused him to want these things so badly? What caused him to abuse sex this way?

Was there a woman who did this to him? Or was it simply out of pure desire to be with a woman, like a lot of men wanted?

She sighed and dropped her head in disappointment.

"You're thinking a lot, aren't you?" her best friend asked.

"I'm sorry. There's just so much going on right now. I can't even get in contact with Otou-san..." Sakura said, hoping that that would shift the conversation away from the doctor.

"Really?" Tomoyo asked, scrunching her brows together in confusion. It was weird to not be able to get in contact with her father because he was always available for his kids.

"Yeah. The last I heard, he was on a business trip out of town. He won't be back until Sunday evening, if I'm remembering correctly," she said sadly as an image of Touya's corpse and her dad looking at it horrified, crossed her mind. He needed to hurry or his only son would be dead by the time he got here.

"Touya will **_not_** be dead when your dad finds out and come see him," Tomoyo said as if she could read her mind.

"We don't know that. Actually, we don't know anything," she said as tears formed in her eyes again. She was like a pregnant woman with 20 different mood swings these days…

"You're going to ruin your makeup again…"

All other thoughts disappeared at that statement, Sakura giggled and blinked the tears away. "Oh Tomoyo. You're always looking out for me," she said with a small smile.

"It's my job, sweetie." Tomoyo grinned at her.

"How long has Nakuru been sleeping, by the way?"

"Only a few minutes before you got back. Speaking of that, did you just go and see _him_?"

Sakura squinted in confusion, "Him?"

"Yeah. The only man you come and see in this hospital at least once a month," Tomoyo laughed.

"Oh! Uh…yeah. He's…"

"Good?" Tomoyo questioned after Sakura never finished.

"Yeah! He's great, actually. I needed to see him with all that's been going on, you know," Sakura said with a forced laugh. Why had she suddenly thought that Tomoyo knew about Dr. Li?

"Yeah. Eriol will be here soon though."

"Really?"

"Yup. As soon as he gets off."

"That's great. It's like we're all having a family reunion," she said quietly.

Tomoyo wrapped her arms around her. "Aren't you normally the one around here telling everyone to be positive?"

Sakura forced a smile for the umpteenth time that day and nodded before pulling back from her. "You're right. We should head back to Nakuru's before she thinks that we ditched."

Tomoyo giggled and nodded her head. They walked back to Nakuru's room, only to see the woman crying. They both rushed to her side.

"What's wrong, honey?" Sakura asked worriedly.

"I...I have to go to surgery. Immediately!" she wailed in Sakura's shirt loudly.

Sakura pulled her back, looking in her face panicking. "W-why? What's going on? What happened?"

"I have an aneurysm that could burst at any moment in my head! I'm going to die, Sakura. I can't do this anymore. I can't take anymore. My husband is already on his death bed and I'm about to...I can't do it anymore, Sakura."

Sakura grabbed her face, forcing her to look in her eyes. "Hey, hey, hey. You need to calm down. No one is dying here, okay? Touya is fine, and you're going to be fine, okay? Aika is fine. You need to think about Aika right now, okay? Do you understand me?"

Nakuru stared in her eyes and nodded her head vigorously, then pulled her in for another hug. Tomoyo rubbed her back comforting her silently.

Sakura sighed and wondered if this was an everyday routine in the hospital. Sad and depressing.

The door opened, snapping the women out of their own zones.

"We need to get Mrs. Kinomoto prepped for surgery," the doctor said, looking at the women.

"Okay..." Sakura let her go and gave a reassuring smile. "You'll be okay, trust me," she whispered to the woman.

Nakuru nodded with a forced smile on her face and they left the room.

"She's going to be okay."

Sakura looked at Tomoyo and smiled. "I know she will. There's just a lot happening back to back to back and it's a bit shocking and…almost unrealistic, but these things happen on a daily, don't they? Of course, they do…I just need something that will distract me from my thoughts," she said with a sigh.

"We'll just have to wait it out, you know. How about you go and talk to Dr. Akinari? If he's not busy. Maybe that'll put your mind at ease," Tomoyo suggested.

"I can't possibly leave you alone here to worry yourself to death," Sakura said, grabbing her hand.

"I won't, I'll go and check in on Aika, who's playing with her new friend. Also, I have this here," she held up the magazine in her other hand. "I need to pick one of these outfits that you could model for my new designs when I release them." Tomoyo grinned at her.

Sakura smiled at her a little with a blush on her cheeks. "That's good distraction?"

"Of course. How could it not be? Imagining you in every one of these outfits is a lot," she exaggerated.

Sakura rolled her eyes playfully and nodded. "Okay, if you insist. I have my phone, if you need anything." Sakura held her phone up, showing her.

"Good. Give it to me." Tomoyo snatched it from her before she could respond and started pressing buttons on it. "Here," she handed it back to her. "Now I have nothing to worry about. It's turned up as loud as it can get and it's in your hands."

Sakura smiled at her sadly and nodded. "See? Always looking out for me." She winked at her best friend and then walked off from her to go and find the guy that helped her through her everyday life.

* * *

Another successful surgery rewarded him after he personally scrubbed in on the woman's sister-in-law surgery. It was not that he never trusted his doctors, but it was different this time.

He had to be there to make sure that everything went fine. This family was already going through enough, so there was no way he could let any small mishaps bring any more fuel to the fire in their lives.

A rush of pride course through every vein in his body, ready to tell them that their beloved one was alright after getting rid of the aneurysm.

Where was that woman anyway? He had been looking for her for the past hour and found no signs of her. Had she already left?

Sighing, he decided to search for her friend instead. On his way to finding the other woman, he spotted auburn hair, which stopped him in his tracks. He looked down at her face as she leaned on the counter desk and saw a huge grin on her face as she laughed out loud.

His eyes shifted over to the source of humor to see Dr. Akinari, a psychologist who worked in his hospital. Then his eyes drifted down to the slim fingers on the man's arm.

His fists clenched involuntarily and he had to look away before trudging over to them and grabbing the woman from the other doctor.

Why could she laugh and freely talk to Dr. Akinari, and not him? Why was she openly touching Dr. Akinari, while she flinched away from his touch? Was there something about the other doctor that was better than what he could offer her?

Was it possible that they were already having sex? That she was spreading her long, slender legs for him?

Glancing at the raven-haired man, a burning hatred began to grow in every part of his being for the man. Why were the odds always against him?

Maybe she had liked him more because he was also a psychologist. Fake. Just like her...

Despite the thought of assuming she belonged to another, he still wanted her. He still needed to feel the way her walls would wrap around him. The way her legs would wrap around his waist while he buried himself deep inside her depths as her fingers held onto him like her life depended on him. He needed to hear the way his name would roll off her tongue when he pounded into her.

He looked at her face to see the same silly grin on it, then down to her hand, where it still rested on the man's arm lovingly, until he knew that he could not take any more of it.

Irrational and illogical were the two words that seemed to describe Syaoran these days, so it was no surprise when he found himself trudging over to the two of them to put a stop to their little interaction.

* * *

 **A/N: Well...what did you guys think? This chapter would have been out a few days ago, maybe a week, but I've barely had the time to reread and edit any grammatical errors until now. I had to start on the next chapter of my other story too, which will probably be out shortly, but not sure about the specific date(sometimes this week though). I do have a job now, but I'll still try to make time to update as much as possible. There is only six more weeks until the semester ends, but a break four weeks away, so you guys will probably get double uploads that week :D.**

 **On a better note, thank you guys again for the reviews! I think I responded to everyone...I hope that this chapter wasn't too disappointing though. The characters still have more developing to do in order for any major actions to be taken place, but it won't be too long before they do!**

 **I have been up for the last 48 hours and am too tired to prolong this authors note and give anymore detailed information about the story, so please just don't forget to leave a review, lol!**

 **Ja ne!**


	8. It Starts With the Little Things

**"It Starts With the Little Things"**

* * *

His knuckles were ice-cold, white even, no thanks to the tight clutches that his fingers had on the palm of his hand, almost draining all the blood from his hands. He had never felt this way before.

What was this emotion anyway? Hatred, maybe?

He knew all about that emotion, but he could not help but feel like it was something different this time. No, it was a completely different emotion from hatred, but he could not place his finger on what emotion it was.

He just knew that deep down, the cause of this new sparked emotion running through his blood had something to do with the little interaction occurring between the two people he now hated the most. Yes, he hated the psychologist again.

Even while standing in front of them, neither of them had noticed his presence, which only added fuel to the fire. Why were they being so rude?

Angrily, he cleared his throat, snapping the two out of their 'interesting' conversation.

Sakura's loving touch disappeared from the man's arm, much to Syaoran's relief a little.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Li," Dr. Akinari said with a kind smile.

Syaoran's fists twitched from the tight clutch, itching to punch that fake, kind smile off his face. Why were all these people the same? It irritated the fuck out of him. And what made matters worse, they were side by side, looking like the perfect couple. It was honestly disgusting.

There was no possible way that a relationship could work between two psychologists anyway, so why was he getting all worked up? They would never be the perfect fit because both had to take on the emotional distress of other people's problems, while taking on their own stress. Who would be the stable one in the relationship?

No one. His thoughts exactly, so why did he still allow this strong emotion to course through his blood like it was healthy?

"You don't have patients today?" Syaoran asked stiffly.

He was going to try today. He was going to try to be rational, but the longer he stood in their presence together, the more the little control he had was trying to slip. He could not help but feel the crazy, maniac side of him trying to poke its head out and murder the man. How could Dr. Akinari think that he could come and take what he found first?

"I do, but I am currently on my break. Is everything alright?" he asked, suddenly switching into full professional mode.

Syaoran stood with his mouth opened slightly, nothing coming to mind to tell the man. He just knew that he had to get rid of him or he would be tearing the other doctor's head off and feeding it to the wolves. Contrarily, he wanted to do so much more to the man, but held his wits.

"How was the surgery?" Sakura interjected after he could not respond.

Turning to her, almost with a piercing glare, he spoke, "Actually, I need to speak with you about that," he said, stealing the opportunity to get her away from the other psychologist, as fast as possible. He did not think that he could take them together anymore. He could feel his insides about to come up in a vomit.

He registered the pain-stricken, panic flash through her eyes, and felt a little bad, but he quickly disregarded the guilt, reasoning that she deserved it. It was her own fault for showing another man affection in any kind of way. _He_ had asked her to do that for him, but she refused. He had asked her to let him show her a good time, but she refused him. What was her problem?

Dr. Akinari cleared his throat, resting a comforting hand on the small of her back. "Calm down, sweetie. I'll be here if you need me," the psychologist said in a hushed tone.

Syaoran saw red at the gesture and almost wrenched Sakura to his own body. She was not his, so what the hell was that man's problem?

"Come on," Syaoran commanded harshly.

"Thank you," she whispered to Dr. Akinari before leaning over to hug him. Right in front of Syaoran. Like he was a nobody standing there watching the little interaction as if it were some cliché, romantic movie.

And that was his undoing.

"Dr. Akinari, you need to get back to work," he demanded and then wrenched Sakura from the embrace roughly. He dragged her away from the devil, to the elevator, determined to teach her a lesson for her infidelity, even though they had never agreed to such a thing.

That did not matter to Syaoran right now though, because the moment the elevator doors slid opened and he spotted no one present, he dragged her inside. Quickly, he pressed the button to close the doors before anyone could walk in and interrupt them. He pressed the highest floor and then after a few seconds, he pressed the stop button so that she had no escape from him. So, it was just them alone, in the elevator that he had stopped. Perfect.

Adrenaline still rushing from whatever emotion he was currently feeling, he turned to her, ready to tell her off, but the sight stopped him.

Her emerald orbs were glistening with tears, small fingers clutching her chest as if she could barely breathe, or calming her heart down. It was too hard to tell right now, especially seeing those eyes.

The negative emotions immediately dissipated and he was at her side in mere seconds, gently grabbing her face. "Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asked in a tone that he never knew existed.

"Is she— " A loud sob escaped her mouth, unable to finish the sentence. The tears spilled from her eyes uncontrollably, hand clutching her chest tighter over the blouse.

His brows furrowed, wondering what she was trying to ask in her devastated position. Nonetheless, he swiped the tears away, hoping that they would stop, but they refused to, causing him to panic at her uncontrollable breathing pattern that she had.

"Hey, hey, hey, breathe. Breathe," he said, gently peeling her hand from the dangerously tight clutch on her chest.

"Breathe in," he instructed. She did as she was told. "Breathe out." She let out a shaky breath.

"Do it again," he commanded softly, while gently squeezing her hand with his own subconsciously, trying to calm the tension in her hand muscles from all the clutching. She did it a few more times before she finally calmed down.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, caressing her cheek ever so gently.

She took one last deep breath and then let it go. "I'm not ready. Don't tell me yet," she said shakily.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"That Naku…" She could not even say the woman's name.

"Mrs. Kinomoto is okay," he said gently.

"W-what?" she asked, pulling back from his hold.

"She's okay," he repeated.

"Oh!" She let out before more tears formed in her eyes again and she began crying.

Instinctively, he pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her gently. "Shh…stop crying," he cooed, stroking his fingers up and down her soft, auburn hair as she cried in his scrub top. He did not give a damn about that though. He just knew that he had to comfort her.

After her sobbing came to a stop, he hesitantly pulled her back to see if she was finished crying. "Why would you ever think otherwise?" he asked, confused.

"Because you…you said that you needed to talk to me after I asked how she was," she said.

"No, no, no…that was…" he trailed off, realizing how that statement would cause her to feel that way. "No, she's fine. Perfectly fine. Everything went perfect during the surgery."

She took a deep breath again, releasing it afterwards. "You can't do that, Dr. Li. You just, _can't_ ," she said in a frustrating, scolding tone.

He took offense to that tone, being reminded why he dragged her in here, in the first place. "Oh, and you can go around and fuck every psychologist you see?" he asked testily. He could feel the anger creep back into his blood streams to the top of his skin at the thought of that man touching her in, any kind of way.

" _What?_!" she screeched, clearly shocked by his statement.

"I saw you. I saw exactly how you interacted with Dr. Akinari. I'm running around looking for your ass to inform you about the condition of your family and you're just having a merry little time fucking. You're fucking him, aren't you? That's why you won't let **_me_** fuck your brains out, isn't it? You're so fucking hypocritical that it's honestly disgusting," he spat angrily.

"That is none of your business," she said after everything he had just said and asked her.

He blinked two times before realizing what she had said. "Excuse me?" he asked incredulously. None of his businsss?

"It's none of your damn business who I am involved with, regarding my love life," she bellowed. She was clearly as shocked as he was.

" ** _Love Life_**? Wow. You piece of shits don't have any ounce of love in your lives because your entire existence is based on being fake. Showing fake empathy, fake compassion, fake love! You were trained to be that way!" he said angrily, feeling his blood boil, thinking about everything he had just said. And then it hit him. Hard.

"You're just like her. I knew all along that you were just like her! The only difference between you people is the fact that she didn't get trained to do that shit, but you did! She didn't get paid to do it, but you do. You're just like her, damn it," he said, his assumptions hitting him harder than he expected them to.

"Oh my God…" he muttered, backing away from her. "I can't believe that I almost let you manipulate me and get into my head," he said, disbelievingly.

His head was spinning; everything was spinning around him and he felt like he was falling. Falling from what though?

"Li-san?" He heard his name being called, but could not register where it was coming from.

"Li-san!" the voice kept calling repeatedly.

"Li Syaoran!" He heard the familiar voice yell again, but it sounded like nails being scraped against a chalkboard. What the hell?

"You're just like her!" he chanted over and over as if he could not believe it. Those were the only words that made sense to him right now.

He had watched out for these people all the time and now he had almost let another one of them meddle their way into his life. What the hell was his problem? And why was this person still calling his name?

"Xiao Lang!"

And that did it. Everything stopped spinning and he fell to his knees. "Don't…use that name…" he registered his voice demanding harshly.

"W-what?" the voice stuttered.

"Don't use that fucking disgraceful, monstrous, disgusting, reprehensive name. Don't!" he yelled angrily, heart feeling like a hammer was beating it repeated, breaking it over and over again. "Don't use that name. I can't stand it! I don't like to hear it, don't use it!"

He could feel his insides burning. It felt like his body was on fire, and he was being burned from his organs to the top of his skin.

He was scared. He had never felt like this before and for the first time in his entire life, he felt like a real maniac. He wanted to destroy something. Hell, he would be willing to rip his own organs out one by one and watch himself bleed to death from above, if this feeling would disappear.

"Syaoran," the voice called softly and everything stopped.

His eyes slowly opened, not even realizing he had shut them, and everything was normal again. No fire coursing through his blood, hammers beating at his already broken heart, and spinning around in circles as he he fell into the little spirals. Everything was normal again.

He looked in the direction of the voice to see that it was the psychologist who had called his name. "Say it again…" he said, wanting to hear the voice that snapped him out of whatever the hell he was just in. He needed to hear her voice again, call his name like that.

"W-what?" she stuttered.

On trembling legs, he stood from the floor, walking towards her. She stood tall, staring at him determined. Thank God, she had not flinched back from him this time. "M-my name…" he almost whispered, stopping a good distance from her, so he did not frighten her any more than he probably already had.

"S-Syaoran..." she stuttered again.

He hardened in his scrubs, not even caring that she could probably see the bulge this time. "Again," he begged.

"Syaoran," she said more clearly, his eyes drifting shut involuntarily.

"Again."

"Syaoran," she said softly.

He sighed, feeling himself harden to the brink in the scrubs, the more she called his name. That was all he would ever need to snap him out of whatever the hell he had just experienced.

He walked over to her, pressing her back against the wall in the elevator, wrapping his arms around her body tightly, feeling her body pressed against his. Soon afterwards, he let go, turning away from her and then pressed the resume button on the elevator.

Once they reached the top floor, he turned to her. "I'll see you Thursday at eight or nine," he said and walked out before she could respond.

He headed back to his office and was surprised to see Dr. Akinari waiting there for him. Syaoran swallowed, scared that the man was on to him before he remembered that he had the advantage in this. He was the one who could terminate the man at any given moment.

He had the control in this.

"What is it, Dr. Akinari?" he asked coolly, unlocking the door. He pushed it opened, allowing for the man to walk through first before he followed behind him and closed the door.

"I was just wondering if everything was alright? Did I do something wrong?" he asked a bit worried.

 _Good._

"Everything is alright. You did nothing wrong." _Besides take what I have been trying to work for…_

"Oh, good grief. Don't scare me like that," Dr. Akinari said, letting out a nervous laugh.

Syaoran gave curt nod. "My apologies. I had a lot on my plate, and I had been looking for Kinomoto to inform her about her sister-in-law, but couldn't find her," he explained.

"Then it is my apologies, sir. I didn't know that I was holding her up," Dr. Akinari apologized.

Syaoran bit the inside of his cheek, almost painfully hard, trying to control himself from snapping on the man at that statement.

"Rest assured, everything is alright. I appreciate your concern," Syaoran said.

"Alright, I will let you get back to work then, sir." Dr. Akinari bowed his head before leaving the office.

Syaoran sighed and then took a few deep breaths and letting them go as he had instructed Sakura to do a few minutes ago. What the hell was his problem?

* * *

"You have a good one, Mr. Zanachi," Sakura said, waving at the middle-aged man who was making his way to the door.

"As long as you stay around this town, you know I will," he said winking at her.

She smiled, a blush evident on her cheeks as she shook her head comically. He had been one of her regular patients, a recovering alcoholic for the last three years. He often came in every couple of months to inform her of how his life would be going, how he had been feeling, and the other many struggles that he faced daily.

He had become a dear person in her life over the years, considering he also offered her advice since he was already a decade older than her. Even though he was dear to her, she continued to keep their relationship on a professional level.

During her sessions, she always set the boundaries before she began therapy with anyone, especially if she knew them personally. It never failed to succeed. That was why she needed to set some ground rules with Li Syaoran.

Since their last encounter, two days ago, her conscious had been nagging her, constantly reminding her that she should have set the rules in that elevator with him. How could she have though? She nearly had a heart attack, believing that her sister-in-law had not made it through the surgery.

She had felt the same way when she found out about her brother, but it was 10x worse with Nakuru. She had thought that she lost two loved ones within a span of two days, which would also leave Aika all alone.

Syaoran had been so mean for that. She did not know if he had done it on purpose or not, but it pissed her off to the max. And then he further pissed her off by disrespecting her like that, and asking her about her personal life until it all made sense.

It all had something to do with whatever happened when he started spilling the beans that she had been so impatiently waiting for.

With the information he yelled at her in the elevator, she could come up with several conclusions about what happened to him, but she chose not to. She wanted to wait and see what he would tell her, instead of stressing and losing hair over it.

At least she had found out another trigger of his that she knew to never use again, unless she had to.

 _Xiao Lang..._

What significance did this name hold? He had used it the first time he set up an appointment with her.

And then it struck her.

It was to hide his identity...which meant that he was ashamed of his behavior. If he did not feel ashamed, why else would he go to great highs and use a name that he found so distasteful?

She could not hold any grudges against him for his little episode of maniac behaviors, or whatever was going on in that head of his. She was lucky enough that he did not get violent with her.

It was awful to say and think, but she was glad that he snapped because she found out more and was sure that he did too. She would dare him to say otherwise in their next session because there was no possible way that he thought his little episode was normal. Otherwise, he would not have put the session on again.

She glanced at the clock to see that it was past six in the evening. She was starving, but wanting to go to the hospital and see Nakuru and Touya, but at the same time, she did not.

She could not keep going there, not knowing when her brother would wake up because it was killing her. It was hard. It always felt like needles were stabbing into her heart with each step she took in that hospital. It was a wonder how she was not dead yet.

But then she decided on something. She would give Touya until Wednesday, a few more days, and if he did not wake up then, she would lose hope for him. She would accept that she would never hear his voice again, the insults, the damage she would do to him. There was no point in holding on to someone who did not want to be alive anymore.

Her eyes began to burn, tears filling them almost immediately. If he did—

 ** _Ring!_**

She jumped, frightened by the sudden sound of her work cell ringing. She maneuvered herself around the desk and picked it up, swipping it across without bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Moshi, moshi?" she answered.

" _Kinomoto_." She heard the familiar, husky voice over the phone, causing chills to glide down her body.

"Li-san?" she asked.

 _"Not Syaoran anymore?"_ he asked in a disappointed tone.

She sighed softly. "Is everything alright, Syaoran?" she asked, just as soft.

He remained silent on the phone for at least a minute, having her check to see if he were still on the line.

"Syaoran-kun?" she called.

 _"I-I'm here,"_ he stuttered.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concern evident in her tone. She really did care about his well-being, and it was not because she was being paid for it.

 _"It's nothing...I just find it easier to not engage in sexual activities with another when you're around..."_ he trailed off. _"Is this okay?"_

She released a soft sigh from her exhausted form. "It's okay, but I need to make some things clear. You must understand that this cannot be an everyday occurrence. If I am short with you, it's not to be rude, but because I must remain as brief as possible with you outside of my practice, or a session. There has to be boundaries," she explained professionally, while secretly hoping that he would not become angry with her because of this.

Now was the time to get everything right with the man if he really wanted help and it would all start with the boundaries.

They would have to ignore the attraction that they felt to each other. Or, she would have to at least.

She had never seen a patient this way before. It was always strictly a professional atmosphere between her and the patient, which only made her wonder what was so different about Syaoran, aside from the fact that she used to have a crush on him decades ago. That was long gone the moment she met him and saw how he truly was though. That crush had crumpled to the ground like a piece of balled up paper, only leaving her to feel attracted to his physical appearance, nothing more.

There was nothing wrong with knowing that someone was attractive. She was only human, so it was not like she had done anything wrong yet.

 _Yet_?

She meant to think, never. She would never do anything wrong because she loved her job more than anything in the world. Her job was her life, and she would never do anything to take away what she lived for.

 _"Okay, hearing your voice, even for a little while, helps..."_ he said softly in the phone.

She could not tell if he truly meant those words or if he was trying to lure her in to his naughty games. She decided to go with the latter though, just to be safe.

She still could not stop her face from becoming tainted with crimson hues though, goosebumps on her skin, and hair standing on end. He was good. Really good. Not good enough though.

So, she remained quiet on the phone, waiting for him to speak.

 _"It's been three days..."_ he almost whispered in the phone, but she heard him.

"Three days?"

 _"I haven't fucked anyone in three days..."_ he said, almost in a strangled tone.

Without thinking, she asked, "How is that making you feel?"

She had just told him that she would have to be brief, but she could not help but wonder if he was getting even the slightest bit better, though they had not even begun the real trials yet.

 _"I feel...terrible, but...I become easily aroused now and I've been doing a lot mor_ e..." She could almost hear the blush in his voice.

"Masturbation," she finished for him.

 _"Yes, but it's not more fulfilling as it is when a woman does it for me,"_ he said.

"I see." She looked at the caller ID to see that they had been on the phone for five minutes. "Over time, it'll become better."

 _"Can I never have sex again?"_ he asked, almost worried.

She did not want to have this discussion of topic over the phone. It was not appropriate to have a therapy session right now, so she decided on taking another route.

"I would find this topic better to be discussed in person, rather than over the phone," she said softly.

She heard him sigh into the phone. _"Are you trying to get off the phone with me?"_ he asked, voice rising a little.

She did not have to put up with his behavior right now. He was going to start acting like a little child again, and she was not in the mood for it.

"Syaoran-kun, I'll see you on Thursday, okay?" she told him gently.

He sighed. _"Alright, Kinomoto,"_ he said disappointed.

"Have a good rest of the evening."

 _"You too."_

And then, she hung up sighing. She would get something to eat, and then go back to the painful needles stabbing in her chest.

* * *

It was Wednesday. The last day that she was giving her brother's life hope. She still believed that he would wake up, but a smaller portion of her brain kept poking fun at her by saying that he would not.

She was currently sitting in his room, by his bed, holding his hand between her palms. She was determined to make him wake up today, even though she was almost sure that it was not possible. She could still give it a try though, right?

She might as well try her best if she was planning to give up on him if he did not wake up today.

"Onii-chan…" she called softly.

She sighed and released his hand, realizing how crazy she was sounding. Of course, he could not hear her. He was probably dead…

"He's not dead, if that is what you're thinking," a voice said behind her.

Startled, she turned around wide-eyed. "Can you like…read minds?" she asked with a sad smile.

She had felt a bit more comfortable in his presence since their short phone calls. Even though she had told him that he could not call every day, he had done so anyway and she could never find it in her heart to ignore the calls.

Besides, it had only been four days since he started calling every day. Their conversations were still brief and professional, nothing that ever crossed the lines of the patient/therapist relationship rule.

After the session tomorrow with him, she would tell him that he could not keep calling every day. It was just hard to not pick up, especially knowing that he was not engaging in any sexual activities because of the phone calls with her.

She probably could not believe him because he was an **_addict_** , but something kept telling her that he was not lying. She was no fool to the little voices in a woman's head telling her, 'You're different from the rest' or 'you're special' though. She had been down that road way too many times to keep believing them.

"I never said he was," she said quietly.

"You didn't have to," he said, walking towards her.

She looked up at him, standing above her. "They say that a patient in a coma recovers faster if they are able to hear a voice that they are familiar with," he said, while staring at her brother.

"It is true, isn't it?" she asked, almost desperately.

He shrugged. "I want to tell you yes, but it's not always a guarantee. He may hear you, but he may not."

She frowned, but froze when she felt his presence somehow move behind her. What was he trying to do now?

"I..."

"Don't," Sakura interrupted, not wanting to get in a heated discussion with him right now. Or recieve any moves that he would make on her.

She really was not in the mood to deal with an angry man while dealing with her own depression about her brother. This was the exact reason why she did not have any patients today.

She was a little surprised that he was even still talking to her after his outburst. She really did wish she could read his mind…but at another time when she was not stressing about her brother's condition.

"But— "

She held a hand up, silencing him behind her. "If you're in an uptight mood, I can't right now…"

She could feel him glaring at the back of her head, confirming her assumptions. "Can I talk?" he asked.

Why was he even in here with her right now? She just wanted to cry and say her goodbyes to her brother in peace if he decided that he did not want to wake up. She knew that he would not wake up. Why was he even here?

"Excuse my forwardness, but could you leave? I would like to have a moment alone with him…" she trailed off sadly, hoping that he would take the hint.

Luckily, he did but surprised her all at once.

She felt his lips rest on her forehead gently before he pulled back. Somehow, she knew what the kind gesture meant because it was not just a random kiss that signified his desire to have his lips on her.

It was an apology without words.

"I will see you tomorrow, Kinomoto," he whispered huskily against her skin, causing her to shudder involuntarily with a blush on her cheeks. He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

The moment the door closed, the feelings he stirred within her faded away. She barely could concentrate on the gesture because her mind was still too preoccupied with her brother.

"Onii-chan…are you really planning not to wake up?" she asked softly, and then grabbed his hand between her own again.

It twitched.

His hand twitched between her own, surprising her beyond beliefs. She tried not to get her hopes high because she knew that these kind of things happened all the time, but she could not help it when the hand twitched again underneath hers.

"Onii-chan!" she said louder, hoping that he would wake up. Maybe Syaoran had been correct afterall.

He let out a soft sigh through his nose, her ears perking at that.

Without thinking, she launched towards him, hugging his upper body tightly. "Onii-chan!"

He groaned. "Are you really still rowdy in the morning, Kaiju?" he asked groggily.

* * *

 **I know that this is not a long chapter, but I don't think I can stay up any longer and write more than this because I am running on no sleep and am about to fall out lol.(I'm going to correct any grammatical errors or rushed scenes tomorrow when I find the time.)**

 **Syaoran's behavior in this chapter will be explained in next chapter because I know that he may seem a bit wishy washy here, but there's a reason behind it!(Remember, reason behind every character's actions in this story).**

 **Anyway, thank you guys for the reviews! I hope that you can leave more and let me know what your thoughts are on this chapter!**

 **Ja ne!**


	9. Bending the Rules, Just A Little

**"Bending the Rules, Just A Little"**

* * *

Syaoran picked up the clipboard, viewing Kinomoto Touya's charts.

He would be lying if he claimed that he was not shocked that the man had awakened so soon. If he were truly being honest about his own opinion, he would admit that he did not believe that the man would wake at all. Not for a very long time, at most.

The accident was one that almost seemed impossible to survive from. A school bus smashing into a small vehicle and people surviving was almost surreal. But his personal opinions never mattered in the hospital.

As a doctor, it was his job to give his medical opinion, nothing else.

A doctor should never become personal with the patient. The rule was always something that he abided by. He was the one who pressed that rule in his hospital the most, so of course, he lives by that rule.

And then he paused, eyes stopping their scanning at that thought, as he began to realize the importance of that statement.

It was wrong, inappropriate even, to try and become personal with a patient. Things always turned out a mess when that happens. Doctors would begin to do irrational things for the patient, unable to do their jobs due to worrying, and so much more. And here he was, trying to make the psychologist do the exact thing.

Did that make him a hypocrite?

No, of course not. It was different with her, she is a psychologist. A doctor, but not a real doctor; so she did not matter. Besides, she was an attractive woman, obviously attracted to him, so why would her occupation matter?

"What did you do to my sister?" A voice snapped him out of his reverie.

Syaoran turned to the bed to see that Touya had awakened from resting.

He nearly forced Touya's family and friends out the room after they had talked and showered him in love for over five hours, nonstop.

When Syaoran had sensed the man's exhausted state, he convinced them to leave to allow him to rest a bit. He did not think that he would wake after 15 minutes of sleeping though.

"How are you feeling?" Syaoran asked, instead of addressing the man's direct question.

"You didn't answer my question," Touya said, almost icily.

A brow arched on Syaoran's face, shocked that the man was demanding answers from him. Nonetheless, he shrugged, wanting to avoid conflict. "Nothing," he said simply.

Touya sat up on the bed abruptly with a glare, but immediately fell back down, due to his fatigue.

"You shouldn't push yourself so much. You've been out for over a week," Syaoran said coolly.

"Answer the damn question, gaki," Touya spat angrily.

Almost immediately, Syaoran's defensive walls rose, offended by the insult. "I think you should watch the way you speak to the doctor that just saved your ass," he said, almost calmly, but there was an edginess to his tone.

"Oh, because you did your job, everyone should 'all hail Dr. Li'?" Touya said, slowly sitting up on the bed this time so his body would not give out on him again.

Syaoran slammed the charts down loudly, and almost grabbed the man to pummel him into the bed, but stopped himself.

Instead, he unclenched his fists and took a deep breath before letting it out. "Why would you think that I have done something to her?" he asked.

"I'm not stupid. She has never been that upset in anyone's presence before today. Whenever your name was brought into discussion, she acted uneasy and brushed it aside. She's not very good at hiding anything. Now, I need to know what you did so I have a reason to beat your ass into this hospital ground," Touya spat through clenched teeth.

The man really was mad.

Hiding his aghast state, Syaoran let out a humorless laugh. "You're just going to automatically assume that it's something that I've done? Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable being in the presence of an influential man," he said arrogantly.

"Why, you little son of a—"

The door opened, interrupting the glaring battle that was occurring between the two. Both heads snapped to the direction of the door to see that it was said person.

Sakura stared at the two, almost questioningly with a raised brow. "Uh...I..." she trailed off awkwardly, seeming to sense the tension in the room.

She cleared her throat and then pointed to a chair in the room while slowly walking in. "I forgot my bag," she said with a nervous giggle.

Syaoran's body instantly became aroused at that sound, eyes gluing themselves on her figure, stripping her naked.

"Out," Touya said suddenly.

Both amber and emerald eyes shifted to the man, confused. "What?" they said simultaneously.

"Get the hell out, you lousy excuse of a doctor!" Touya barked.

"Onii-chan!" Sakura exclaimed, in a scolding tone.

Syaoran laughed darkly before shaking his head unbelievably. "You're one ungrateful son of a bitch," he said and left the room, leaving no room for either of them to respond.

The last thing his ears registered was the psychologist scolding her brother about his behavior or something along those lines. He did not care though. Her brother owned no kind of rights to declare something like that. Kinomoto, Touya's life was saved because of him, and he wanted to insult him.

Syaoran's eyes scanned the hall, looking for one of his employees. He did not care about this 'streak' of no sex anymore.

The psychologist never even told him that he could not have sex anymore, so that meant that he still could.

Four days...

It had been four days that has passed and the only gratification that he had been getting was from his hand. It was not enough, it was never enough for him. He needed to be inside of a woman to feel fully satisfied with himself. He lacked more control since he stopped, and that was never a good thing.

He needed to have sex, so he could maintain at least some form of control in his life. Four days was too long for him and he had enough of the waiting. If the psychologist would not sleep with him, then he could find someone else.

And then he spotted her, the widow. What was her name again? Akari?

It had been too long that he began to forget the name of the women he fucked almost regularly before he decided that he needed a break from sex.

"Akari," Syaoran called.

She turned to him, wide-eyed. "D-Dr. Li," she said, a little shyly.

He slowly walked towards her with intent, remembering the façade of innocence she always put up. "You're in need of a good fucking, aren't you?" he asked seductively in her ear.

His hand slid up to her waist, almost gently, before it changed its mind and grabbed her roughly, pulling her towards him.

Lust instantly fogged her eyes, staring at him before a sexy smirk crept to her lips, but he could still feel the depressing aura that always surrounded her. She nodded and rested her hands on his shoulders.

Closing his eyes, he imagined it was the psychologist submitting her body to him like this. He leaned down, ready to capture her lips, but stopped when he heard someone clearing their throat.

His eyes fluttered open slowly to see that it was the psychologist standing in front of him and he instantly let the widow go, almost pushing her away.

"Another time," he murmured to her before motioning her to leave, which she did.

And then it was just them. Alone, again. For some reason, the feeling was not pleasant this time. He almost felt disgusted with himself for being alone with her now after he almost placed his lips on another.

He cleared his throat, hoping that it would relieve some of the tension between them, which it did not.

"I...uh...just wanted to apologize on my brother's behalf. He can be a bit irrational too, and he's very protective..."

"He wasn't out when we were in the room earlier," he said.

"Oh...that's not a problem. It wasn't like..." she stopped and then shook her head. "Nothing. I just wanted to apologize. I'll go and—"

Before she could escape, he grabbed her wrist, stopping her. "You never answered my question," he whispered.

She snatched her wrist from him as if he stung her. "What question?" she asked, extremely calmly.

She almost sounded like she practiced that tone of voice repeatedly until she could master getting her emotions in check.

He looked around, making sure that no one could see or hear him. "Is sex something I can't engage in anymore?"

She laughed humorlessly. "I don't know, Dr. Li. I'm sure you shouldn't be engaging in sex with any of your employees though."

He blinked once before his eyes widened, shocked by her statement and cold demeanor towards him. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"You don't want help, do you?" she asked testily.

He glared at her and then grabbed her wrist again, dragging her into one of the empty rooms on the hall. He closed the door and was shocked when she snatched her arm from him again.

"I would feel less threatened if you keep your hands to yourself," she said.

"Threatened? You feel threatened by me?" he asked incredulously.

When she did not respond, his hands slammed against the wall a little loudly.

She did not flinch or even grimace at him one bit.

"You are permitted to answer when I ask you a question," he demanded.

Her eyes widened, head tilting to the side, shocked by his statement. "I am...permitted?" she asked disbelievingly.

He moved dangerously close to her, invading all her privacy. "Answer the damn question," he demanded.

"You're a man, I'm a woman. You're bigger than me, aroused out of your mind right now, and you expect me to feel safe around you?"

And that was when he felt the painful ache, poking through his scrubs at her. His entire face probably turned beet red, embarrassed out of his mind.

"If you want to have sex, by all means, do whatever you want. Just know this, it's going to forever control you," she said and then stepped to the side of him and opened the door.

Immediately, he closed it back. "Stop it..." he said, head dropping low to cover his face from her with his bangs.

"You know that I..." He stopped, clearing his throat. "Help. You know that," he said.

He could not even admit out loud that he needed help. He was being pathetic.

"Surely you can wait less than 24 hours, Syaoran," she said softly.

His heart raced at hearing her call him by his first name. She was not angry with him, thank God.

Maybe she was just disappointed in him. And that was the last thing he wanted. Why though? Did it even matter what she thought about him?

Of course not.

"Okay," he said quietly.

He froze when he felt soft, feminine hands caress his face, forcing him to lift his head.

She offered him a kind, sweet smile. "You're going to be okay, Syaoran," she said.

And he believed her.

"O-okay," he stuttered before shrinking back from her touch, afraid of the emotions she was stirring in him. And not just in his loins this time.

He moved back and opened the door for her to walk out.

"Tomorrow, same time," she reminded, walking down the hall to her brother's room.

When she disappeared in the room, he released the breath that he was holding in her presence. When had he even done that?

He took a deep breath and released it again. He would be okay – she said it. All he could really do was hold onto her words and last until he saw her tomorrow where things would really begin to get serious.

* * *

Syaoran pushed the doors opened to her practice and walked in with a confidence that he does not normally have. He was trying to play it cool, but on the inside, there was a battle taking place in his nerves.

He did not know what would happen today, but he was willing to play along with whatever the psychologist had planned.

This was out of his comfort zone, but he would be sure to keep everything in his control today. He would force her to do whatever he wanted her to do and say, while going along with whatever she had planned.

"Mr. Li," she greeted him at the desk.

She stood up and walked from behind the desk, presenting her sexy outfit to him. It was a black pencil skirt this time, and a pink sleeveless blouse that she had tucked in to her skirt. It was a good thing that she did not have the fuck-me heels on, or his control would have been sure to snap.

He was snapped out of his trance when he saw her waving something in the air. "Is this okay today?"

"No," he said immediately.

"No clipboard," she confirmed.

He did the necessities before he settled himself on the couch comfortably. She sat in front of him, legs crossed at the ankles.

When he felt his body react to her slim legs, he looked away.

"Well, how are you doing today?" she asked, giving him a warm smile.

He swallowed. "Good."

"That's good. How are you feeling right now?" she asked.

He unclenched his fists, feeling the palms of his hands grow damp. "Nervous."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Because I don't know what's going to happen here today," he answered truthfully. "That's out of my comfort zone because I always have everything in control around me."

"That's nearly impossible," she said.

"It's not."

"I would love for you to teach me how to have everything in control around me then," she said, smiling at him.

He hardened in his pants at that statement, mind taking it somewhere far from where she meant it to be. There was an image painted of her in a black leather lingerie set, fishnet stockings, as she commanded him to pleasure her.

Gods, why was it so easy to picture her sprawled out in front of him, fingers tangled in his hair while he feasted on her as if he had before? Had he ever even thought about a woman controlling the sex before?

Not able to erase the image, a smirk crept to his lips. "Oh, I could show you," he said in a suggestive tone.

He regretted it the moment it came out because the sexual tension built itself between them.

"W-well, tell me about the same control that you had in the elevator, then," she said.

He froze, surprised that she had brought that up so soon. He was not ready to answer that yet, so there was no way in hell that he would.

"Take your time," she said after he remained silent for a minute.

"Ask about the control that I have during sex," he stated boldly.

She bit her lip before releasing it "Mr. Li—"

"Syaoran," he commanded. He had enough of her calling him that now.

"I will oblige to that command if you answer my question," she negotiated.

"At my pace, psychologist," he spat angrily.

She was making this so difficult for him. Why does he always find himself running back to this place with this woman?

"Why are you becoming angry, Mr. Li?"

Oh, she was just playing with him now.

"Syaoran," he corrected.

Could she not see that he was trying to make himself feel like he had control over this session with her plan? She was making this so hard for him.

"Explain," she said.

His fists clenched before he thought of something better. "A kiss."

"No," she said quickly.

"I'm leaving then," he threatened, though he made no move to get up.

"You're not," she said, almost confidently.

He swallowed the large lump in his throat, at a loss for words.

"I don't want to have to force you to talk today," she said softly.

"Don't, then...I thought this would be about you today anyway," he said after remembering their last session. "I'm supposed to make you understand how I feel."

He just did not want that to come up. He was willing to do anything to not talk about the elevator incident right now. He still was not even able to explain his own behavior.

She clasped her fingers together, emerald eyes staring deeply into his, almost determinedly. "And how do you plan to do that?" she asked.

"By making you feel vulnerable...embarrassed...stupid..." he trailed off. What was he trying to get at again?

"Did I make you feel all those things the other day?" Her soft-spoken voice, snapped him out of his daze.

"Well...yes. You reminded me of... _her_ with the facade you kept up...and then Dr. Akinari—" His fists clenched, thinking back on the day with that man's hands on her.

"Syaoran." Her voice interrupted his thoughts before they could get any more vulgar than they already were.

Clearing his throat in hopes of recollecting his sane thoughts, his burning amber eyes locked with emeralds. "When I realized..." He shook his head. "No, assumed that you were like her...I lost it. I didn't even know what was going on in the moment—I still don't know what went on. Everything was spinning, my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest over and over again...everything burned and..." He stopped, sighing before shaking his head. "I lost it."

"Lost what?" she whispered.

"Nothing. I just...lost it," he said.

"Lost what, Syaoran?" she pressed.

She was testing his patience. That never set well with him, and it always pissed him off.

"I don't fucking know!" he exclaimed angrily. He felt guilt when her face faltered.

"My sanity, maybe..." he said a lot calmer.

"Let's talk about her then."

His breath caught in his throat, heart clenching. "Her?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, this 'her' that you have been mentioning lately."

"She's...just a her. I don't want to talk about her," he said.

"'Her' may be the answer to some of the questions that you've been having lately," she said.

"Oh, so she will answer whether I can ever have sex again?" he asked, annoyed.

"Syaoran, why is that what you're worried about right now?"

"Because I love sex. It makes me feel great, secure, and safe—all those things you asked me last time. In the bedroom, on-call room, and bathroom—anywhere that I am having sex...I feel in control because it's something that I can _really_ control, you know? The other things that I feel are just the result of me feeling the control. So, if you sit here and tell me that I can never have sex again, then I want to stop this now."

He took a deep breath, and then released it after laying that all out on the table. This was what bothered him the most, and now, he was waiting for the moment of truth.

"Right now, I would tell you to refrain from having sex, until everything is figured out, but I wouldn't find it quite appropriate. I don't know anyone who's completely stopped doing that before," she said.

"But, what about after everything is figured out and better? Then what? I know alcoholics can't drink anymore, but what about me?" he asked, almost desperately.

Why could she not just be bold and straightforward with him? Beating around the bush was really killing him.

"When you're ready," she said.

He sighed in relief, feeling much better about this now. That was all she had to say instead of leaving him in so much suspense.

"Okay. What do I have to do?" he asked.

"You know what you have to do..." she said softly.

He closed his eyes tightly, regretting he even asked.

"What do you want to know...?" he asked, quietly.

"Who is 'her'?"

"It doesn't matter who she is. She's gone—dead and I couldn't be happier about that," he said coldly.

"Syaoran..."

His eyes closed, chills running down his body at her soft voice calling his name. He knew what she was waiting for, but he needed a little more time.

"I know that sounds terrible, but who the hell are you to judge anyone?"

"I'm not—"

"No, you are. That's all you people are good at," he spat.

Her brows furrowed together, confusion plastered on her face. "Who? Just who are you referring to when you say, 'you people.' I can't follow along with you," she said calmly, but he could hear the annoyance in her tone.

"Psychologists," he said with so much disdain for the word.

"What do you have against this occupation?"

"You're shitty people, that's what. You don't help anyone, and all you do is make matters worse. You try to fix people, but you can't. You couldn't help her, and you certainly can't do anything for me."

"That's what it is then," she said quietly, but he heard her.

He stared at her oddly, confused by her sudden statement. "What?"

"You don't like psychologists because of 'her,' right?" Sakura asked before a sad smile formed on her lips.

Syaoran glared at her, feeling furious about that voiced assumption. "That bitch has nothing to do with my distaste for your kind. You're an arrogant son of a bitch, aren't you? Why am I not surprised though?" he asked, laughing humorlessly.

"I don't know. How about we make outrageous, inconsiderate assumptions about your kind? I heard that you guys are also heartless beings. You've been playing the role quite perfectly, so is that really an assumption?" Her tone contradicted the venom in her words, so soft and calming, that it took him by surprise.

He had not even expected her to respond to his rude statement, but she did, nearly landing a low blow to his stomach. Anger coursed through his blood, but he decided not to have an outburst on her, because she was right about her assumptions of him. Not only about him though, but everything else that she had said.

He wanted to apologize, but could not bring himself to do it because he noticed that he had been doing that a lot lately to her. He rarely used the word, 'sorry,' because it felt like he was being drained of...something. 'I apologize', was by far much easier to say, less personal, and less smothering for him.

"Shall we get back on topic now that we have cleared the air about our assumptions of each other?" she asked.

Eyes sliding up her body until they locked with hers, he gave a short nod.

"You don't like psychologist because of her, right?" she asked again.

Heart tightening in his chest, he took a deep breath. "No. Psychologists did nothing to help her, but..." He closed his eyes tightly, nails piercing into the palm of his hand, hoping that the physical pain would overcome the emotional.

"She has nothing to do with the way I feel about anything or anyone. She never..."

He froze when he felt a familiar feminine hand on his own. Looking down, he encountered the psychologist's hand. He immediately released the piercing grip, only to see that he had torn his skin. There were a few blood lines, surprising him. He did not even realize that his nails had dug harder into his skin the more he talked about her.

Feeling overwhelmed with too many different emotions at once, he turned his hand over to grab her outstretched one. He gently gripped her hand for support, or anything that could make him feel less trapped in a box of emotions.

Her touch made matters a little easier, so he continued, "She never loved me...not the way that I..." He closed his eyes tightly, letting out a choked breath. "Why would she keep me around if she didn't love me?" he asked brokenly.

Here he was again, spewing out words all over the place, not making sense of any of it, but the thoughts that had been tormenting him for years were finally trying to be released from their cave. They had been gnawing at his heart for years, begging him to let them out, but he denied them for so long.

He could not do it anymore.

"No sane person would do that. If I didn't love you, I would get rid of you. That's how that works, right?" he asked her, fingers clenching around hers, almost painfully tight.

Despite all of his manhandling, she still did not flinch, cower or shrivel from him. Not a single sound of pain even escaped those succulent lips. She just let him, and that caused his heart to warm a bit, some of the constricting feelings fading away.

"Right, Dr. Kinomoto? That's how that works, right?" he asked again, longing to hear her beautiful voice.

"That's how it's supposed to work," she said cautiously, as though he would explode on her for it.

"Why didn't it work that way for me? She loved everyone else, but me. Why would anyone even allow it to be that way?"

His fingers gripped her hand tighter, almost cutting the circulation with the way it began to turn pale. Afraid that he was hurting her, he loosened his grip. "It wasn't fair," he said quietly. "It isn't fair, Kinomoto. Why couldn't it just be fair? I always got the backlash. I—"

His breath caught in his throat, unable to speak anymore on the woman.

"That's enough for the day about her," Sakura said.

He released the shaky breath that he was holding, relieved that she sensed his discomfort.

"Breathe, Syaoran," she said softly.

He let out another breath, having not noticed that he held his breath again.

"You're okay."

Was he okay?

He massaged her hand, rubbing gentle but firm circles in her hand to get rid of the discomfort that he caused in them. Afterwards, he let them go and looked into her eyes, studying her expression.

No judgement, pity, or fear. All the things he did not want her to have on him.

"My favorite food is omelets and noodles with seafood," she said suddenly.

His brows scrunched together in confusion, but he said nothing, waiting for her to explain herself.

"I love pancakes too, so it's kind of debatable with the omelet. It's my dad's fault for being such a great cook though," she said with pride filling her voice as she spoke about the man.

"Onii-chan often teased me about the way I ate when I was little, so you shouldn't take the things he says and does personally. He's a bully," she said, and then giggled.

"Bully is an understatement," Syaoran said under his breath.

"Most of the time, he means well though. I don't know what came over him to treat you that way. Especially after you and your staff saved his life," she said.

Syaoran swallowed, heart swelling at the attention that she was giving him about his hospital.

"Either way, he will apologize to you on his own because you deserve one. Even if I have to threaten him by telling Otou-san."

There was triumph in her eyes that almost made Syaoran chuckle, but he suppressed it.

"Are you coming to the hospital today?" Syaoran asked as a thought crossed his mind.

"Yes, but it will only be for a little while. I have a few more patients to meet with," she said.

And the thought was crushed. She just had to remind him that she was a psychologist.

"Alright," he said quietly.

She glanced down at her watch. "Do you have to get back to the hospital right now?" she asked.

"N-No. I was just wondering..." he trailed off before shaking his head. "No, it's nothing."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He nodded, unsure of what was to come of their conversation.

"I think I'm hungry. That's why I brought up my favorite food," she said conversationally.

A small smile crept to his lips. "I would offer to take you to breakfast, but I already know the answer before even asking," he said.

She shrugged. "What about the hospital?"

"What about it?"

"Don't you have patients?" she asked.

"Normally, it's calm in the mornings. I don't want to jinx it though," he said the last part quickly.

He could barely believe that she was sitting here, talking out a plan to get breakfast with him. All the woman ever talked about was her occupation, his problem, or anything that had to do with him getting help.

Was this out of pity?

"Well, how about you keep your...pager?" She looked at him questioningly. He nodded, verifying her correction before she continued with, "And we could get breakfast. There's a small cafe down the street from here that I drive past every day to pick up coffee at."

His heart swelled, stomach lurched at that and he nodded mutely.

This felt like it would be the first date he had ever been on, thanks to the jittering sensation coursing through his veins.

* * *

Sakura threw her head back, bursting into a fit of laughter at the boy sitting in front of her with that smug look on his face.

"Are you serious?" she asked between giggles.

"Does this face portray a liar?" he asked, attempting a serious face, which only caused her to laugh harder at the failed attempt, due to the small curve that played on one side of his lips.

"I mean, I've heard of people having never-ending orgasms, but I never expected it to like…really happen, you know? Her husband must have really been well-equipped with skills," she said with a smile. She picked up her coffee and tried to take a sip, but her laughter stopped her again.

"Well, it's true as day and night. That shit was hilarious, but you know, as a doctor, you can't let your patients see you acting out like that. I nearly dropped the case, due to the hilarity of the situation. No one would take it seriously, so I had to be the bigger person and get the job done. Besides, I didn't want any bad reviews on my hospital. I plan to stay the best," he said with much pride in his voice at the mention of his hospital.

Sakura smiled and shook her head, good-naturedly at him. "Do you know how embarrassed I would be if I were that woman? I honestly wouldn't even go to the hospital," she said.

His laughter came to an abrupt stop at that, causing her to wonder if she said the wrong thing.

"That wasn't meant to be personal, or anything. I was just saying…" she trailed off, feeling awkward for her ridiculous slip of the tongue.

How had they even gotten on this subject again?

Oh yeah, she had started telling him stories of some of her patients, and in turn, he started sharing funny stories with her too.

"Well, Kinomoto, I think that if you were her, you wouldn't have much of a choice," he said with amusement in his tone.

She inwardly let out a sigh of relief, glad that she had not created any awkward tension between them. Coming to this café with him was already something that should have been awkward, but for some reason, it was the last thing that was awkward.

She had always felt uncomfortable seeing her patients outside of her practice, unless she already knew them, but it was different with him. She felt overly comfortable in his presence now, and that was not a good thing.

She had only accepted his offer for breakfast so she could get to know him better, because maybe he would slip up and tell her something that she could find useful in helping him. Or maybe that was what she had convinced herself it was about.

She did want to distract him from his earlier thoughts on the woman he spoke to her about. He may not have thought that he did any progress today, but he had done so much. Baby steps at a time was what could heal him from this problem.

"I don't know, Syaoran. The way you described her facial expressions and her husband's amusement in it, I probably wouldn't make it a foot out of the door," she said with a wide grin on her face.

"Trust me, Kinomoto. After the first few, you would probably run for the hospital due to exhaustion," he said, eyes sparkling with mirth.

She liked this Li, Syaoran much better than the angry, bitter man who hated humankind. This Syaoran was much more attractive than the latter, especially when he laughed—even just his smile, melted her insides into mush. Everything about this man's physical appearance was perfect, and if she were not careful, she would fall into the trap that he set for all these women here.

After seeing him almost kiss that beautiful nurse at the hospital, she was slapped by reality of it all. He was a man addicted to sex, or…the control that he had during sex—whatever it was. She had almost expressed her disappointment in him by chastising him, but knew that she was in no place to tell the man what to do. She just wanted him to get better, and thought that he had been progressing, even a little bit, but seeing that only proved her wrong.

"Fair enough," she said after realizing she did not respond.

"So, do you normally do this?" he asked, motioning with his hand between them.

"Do what?" she asked, confused.

"You know, let your patients take you out," he said.

Her heart rate picked up at that question. "Of course not."

"Why…with me then?" he asked.

She shrugged, hoping that she appeared nonchalant about this. "I was hungry, you offered me company, and…I'm sure you needed a bit companionship right now," she said, after practicing that line repeatedly in her head.

"I was expecting you to say pity," he said, quietly.

"Pity?"

"Yes, because of…" he trailed off, and then shook his head. "Well, thank you. I needed this…companionship. It's always nice to have someone to talk to outside of work," he said.

"You don't have any friends outside of the hospital?"

"I mean, I know a few people, but I wouldn't necessarily consider them to be my friend. I don't see them unless they come to the hospital," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"If I'm remembering correctly, you're always at the hospital, so how will they see you outside of your hospital?" she asked, giving him a pointed look.

"Well, that doesn't count."

"You should hang out with those few people that you know, and not just when they go to the hospital. It will do you some good, trust me."

He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't really think that it matters whether I do or don't. I would probably just be a buzzkill if I did see anyone outside of the hospital. Besides, in that hospital, that's the only time I matter," he said.

Sakura frowned, hearing him disregard his existence as though it was nothing. "What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly that," he said.

"You don't matter outside of the hospital? Are you saying that you're only useful as a doctor?" she asked, sadly.

He shrugged and shook his head with a smile. "Haven't we heard about me enough for a day? Let's focus more on you now."

He was trying to change the subject. "But—"

"Kinomoto," he called in a stern tone that meant that he was not taking no for an answer.

Sighing, she nodded. She had already drained enough out of him today, so she could give him a rest for a bit. "You know my favorite food," she said, offering him a brighter smile.

"Well, you know that I'm addicted to fucking," he said.

She felt herself glowing at that statement. He was admitting without any anger that he was addicted to sex, which only meant one thing; he was finally accepting it.

"You know that I have an overprotective brother," she stated, challengingly.

"A bastard," he murmured under his breath.

"Hey, my brother was mean, but you can't talk down on him," she softly chastised him, with a smile.

"Fine, but my view of him still stands the same."

"Fair enough, but you can't voice your insults about him to me," she said.

"Well, the point is, you know more about me, than I of you," he said.

"Alright. What would you like to know?"

There was a mischievous glint in his eyes, causing the hair on her body to stand. She should not have asked that.

"How many people have you had sex with?"

Her entire face heated up, cheeks turning red as blood. "Syaoran!" she exclaimed, flabbergasted by his question. She did not think that he would ask something _that_ personal.

"What? You know that I have sex with any woman who lets me, so why can't you tell me that?" he asked with a serious expression on his face.

"That is none of your business," she said, face flaming hot.

"But my business is yours?" he asked, testily with a soft glare.

"I am not telling you that," she said in a concluding tone.

"You're not even my therapist right now, so what is wrong with the question?"

"I'm not answering that question, Syaoran," she said, finalizing that topic.

He sighed, eyes closing. She took a deep breath, ready for the backlash of his anger as he sat in front of her. He really was like a little child, throwing tantrums when he could not get his way.

"Fine."

She blinked a few times, making sure that this was the same short-tempered man, sitting in front of her, calmly agreeing to her resistance to tell him that.

"Are you dating anyone, right now?" he asked suddenly.

"Syaoran," she said softly.

"What the hell can you tell me then?" he asked, voice raising a little.

"Anything that has nothing to do with my love life. That is too personal for our situation," she said.

"And this little outing isn't?" he asked, with disgust in his voice.

He was right though. The outing could be considered personal, but it was not like they were doing anything inappropriate.

"You agreed to this out of pity, didn't you?" he asked, glaring at her now.

"No," she said, almost immediately. "Agreeing to come here with you, has nothing to do with pity."

"Then you should be able to answer the damn questions," he said.

"I'm not answering those questions, Syaoran. Now, lower your voice before you draw attention to our table…" she said.

They were sitting in one of the corners in the little café, away from eye and ear shot to avoid raising questions about them. Since they were both influential people in the town, nosy prying people would surely become ready to stir something in the media.

She had specifically chosen this café because it was never crowded in the mornings and the manager and staff there were nice and it is quiet for the most part.

Syaoran sighed, running a shaky hand through his hair. "Kinomoto, I'm—" He stopped.

"Since I call you Syaoran, it's alright for you to call me Sakura, if you would like," she said, after noticing that he had still been addressing her by her family name.

He nodded and then sighed.

"What is it?" she asked, curious with his shift in mood. She wanted to ask him if he had any history of bipolar disorder and anger management, but decided against it. His behavior would be much worse if it were the two, though the latter could fit into his more.

"It's nothing…" he said, shaking his head.

"Are you sure?" she asked. She wanted him to be as open to her about everything. She needed to know as much as possible about him.

"Positive."

"So, when can my brother and his family leave the hospital?" she asked, changing the subject so he would not feel uncomfortable.

"Well, Mrs. Kinomoto will be discharged today, Aika, was it?" She nodded. "She will be too. The basta—your brother, we need to run a few more tests to make sure that he is fine. He still needs to be on bed rest for a few days or so, due to recovery."

Sakura smiled, feeling her heart warm at that information. Her brother was finally awake after what seemed like an eternity. She had even made exceptions to hear him calling her a 'kaijuu' as much as he wanted to. It had never sounded so appealing as it had when he spoke his first sentence to her in that raspy, unclear tone.

"That's good…I'm so glad…" she said quietly while looking at him appreciatively.

His cheeks turned a bit rosy before he pushed his chair back from the table. "I-I should go," he stuttered.

Not wanting to keep him any longer, she nodded with a smile at his sudden frantic behavior. "Have a good day," she said.

He nodded mutely and left the café immediately.

She looked down at his abandoned food and giggled. He had forgotten about his own food, obviously more engaged in the conversation with her. She picked up her cup, drinking down the rest of her coffee before she emptied their trays and headed out of the café.

Maybe underneath that thick layer of skin, he was not just a bitter man who hated everything around him besides sex. Perhaps he was much more than that, but a great deal of work would have to be taken place to bring it out of him.

With that thought in mind, she headed to the hospital in high spirits to reunite with her family and friends. When she arrived, she nearly skipped to her brother's room, exciting to see him again. Hearing the many voices in the room, she knew that it was visiting hours, so she pushed the door opened and walked inside.

She looked up and gasped, heart racing at the sight of the person in the room.

* * *

 **I barely made it to post a chapter this week, but here it is! I wish I could have posted it earlier, but my week ended up being busier than planned. I had a test, four quizzes, along with homework(these professors are getting crazy, right? :P), and work at my job lol. I managed to write the chapter though and upload it now, thanks to my beta _theDeviantMe._ She took the time out of her own busy life to reread and edit mistakes for me, which I can't thank her enough for! If any mistakes are spotted, that's from my own doing because I did go back and add a few things after she edited it. **

**Anyway, I can't remember if I replied to reviews from the previous chapter, but thank you guys so much for the reviews anyway! Also, just to let everyone know, Meiling is not going to be an antagonist character here lol. Her character will probably be more like the one in the later episodes of CCS when she was manageable, if she will appear in this story.**

 **I will try to respond to reviews when I find extra time, but for the meantime, don't forget to leave a review about your thoughts on this chapter, because I do still read them when I get the emails. I know this chapter probably wasn't to your expectations, but it is part of the build up to the moment that I'm almost sure that everyone is waiting for lol.**

 **I am going to get some sleep though because it's in the AM's again(shocker, right?) and I have work in a few hours.**

 **Ja ne!**


	10. Distraction is the Key, or Not

**"Distraction is the Key, or Not"**

* * *

The only thing that Sakura could see in the room was the gray-haired man with his paper-white, pale skin.

Everything about him still looked the same; from his brown, deep eyes, to the circle glasses that always gives him the appearance of a scholar.

"Hello, Sakura-chan," the man said, giving her a warm smile.

A wide grin spread across her face before she nearly ran over into the man's welcoming arms, hugging him tightly. "Yukito-kun," she said in his shirt, feeling her entire face heat up at his familiar scent. She missed this.

"Oi, you're here for me, kaijuu," she heard Touya say after at least a minute of her hugging the other man.

She released Yukito, smiling up at him shyly, heart having a fluttering sensation in her chest.

She missed this man so much that it was almost unbelievable. He had been her childhood crush for many years; and though he kindly let her down, she had still felt an attachment to the man. Be it romantic or not, she never cared to figure out anymore because she had moved on with her life. But that still never stopped the feelings she always felt around him.

Sakura narrowed her eyes over to her brother. "Aren't you getting tired of receiving all this attention?" she asked.

He snorted, shrugging his shoulders. "There isn't such thing as a patient growing tired of getting attention when he's forced in this bed," he said.

Sakura was about to retort but stilled when she felt a cold chill run down her spine, sensing a piercing glare directed at her. She already knew who it was without looking at the man. Nonetheless, she turned to the direction of the glare to see the man sitting in the chair by the window.

He has hair that almost resembles the color of the moon, long that normally cascaded down his back, but currently kept out of the way in a loose ponytail. His eyes were a silver-blue that were usually seen under his short bangs, giving him an attractive look. He looked like an enchanting god.

"Yue-san," Sakura said stiffly, acknowledging his presence in the room.

She still did not know how it was possible that Yukito and Yue were twins. Though they resembled each there in physical appearance, they were the complete opposite of each other. While Yukito was warm, kind, and everything good in the book, Yue was cold, rude, and distant.

She had a glimpse of a few good traits that he kept hidden throughout the years that she had known him, but he kept his aforementioned three obnoxious traits on display at all times, unless it involved something with his brother.

Yue gave her a brief nod, letting her know that he heard her before turning his attention back to the window.

"It's been a while since I've last seen you, Sakura-chan. You look well," Yukito said with a smile on his face.

Sakura flushed and nodded. "I am. Everything has been great, and I couldn't be any better than I am right now," she said, almost shyly.

She heard Touya release an unmannerly snort and mumble something under his breath about her being a 'kaijuu in disguise of an angel'.

She turned to him and glared. "Okay, your privileges have run dry, so you can no longer call me that anymore," she said in a threatening tone.

A smirk crept to Touya's lips, clearly amused by her sudden change of heart for the word.

She knew that she was suddenly switching up on him, but she did not want Yukito to hear Touya calling her that.

"Oh, what are you going to do? Put me in another mini coma?" Touya asked sarcastically.

"Don't tempt me," she said, though there was no meaning behind the words.

That was not on the list of things she would think about doing to him. She was beyond happy that he was awake and alive, so there was no way that she would risk hurting him in any kind of way now.

Yukito chuckled, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You haven't changed one bit, Sakura," he said.

She blushed and giggled nervously.

"Still a kaijuu," Touya said.

Her fists clenched, itching to smack his head. They unclenched when she heard Yukito chuckle.

"You haven't either, Touya," Yukito said, giving Touya a knowing smile.

"Oh, but he has. He's gotten much ruder than he already was before," Sakura said, remembering how rude he had been to the doctor. She still could not accept his behavior for that, and probably never would.

Yukito turned to Touya with the same smile on his face, but a knowing look all the same. "Really?"

"Yes. He was so inconsiderate and rude to Dr. Li after he and his staff technically saved his life," Sakura said, feeling her blood boil in embarrassment and anger at her brother's behavior.

Li Syaoran was a dangerous, bitter, and hateful man, so he would probably do any or everything to a person who threatened him. And Touya's life happens to be at risk the most right now.

"I was not rude. The gaki was staring at you like you were a piece of steak," Touya said angrily.

A blush spread across her face, feeling shy and embarrassed all of a sudden. "He was not," she said, defensively.

"I would know. I'm a man, and that... _gaki_ , sure as hell had you nude in that dirty mind of his," Touya said with so much hatred, venom dripping from each word he spat.

"That still gave you no right to treat him that way," Sakura said weakly. "Your life is in this hospital's hand, and you, lashing out like that at the chief is the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"I don't care. Even if they had me on a machine, they could unplug it for all I care. I'm not going to lay here and pretend that the man isn't sexually violating your body in his mind."

"Onii-chan!" she exclaimed, shocked that he does not take his life seriously. He was also spitting out nonsense that was beyond embarrassing for anyone to hear from their own brother. Especially with her long time crush here.

The door to the hospital room suddenly opened, and in walked Nakuru and Aika.

"Auntie Saku!" Aika gasped mid-sentence upon spotting the other two in the room. "Uncle Yuki and Yue!" She ran over to Yue and jumped in his lap, hugging him around the neck tightly.

Yue stiffened as he sat awkwardly before wrapping his arms around the little girl. He never spoke a word to her though, which was no surprise. The man barely utters any word unless it was necessary.

Aika pulled back, smiling at him widely and then ran to Yukito, hugging his leg tightly.

A warm smile spread across Yukito's face and he picked her up. He kissed her cheek gently, causing the little girl to blush, and then he put her back on her feet.

"What's he doing here?" Nakuru asked sarcastically with narrowed eyes at Yukito.

Yukito smiled at her kindly and silently waved at her.

The pretend scowl disappeared off her face and she walked over to him to give him a hug. "It's good to see you here," she said softly.

She walked over to Touya and pecked his lips, then waved in Yue's direction.

"How are you feeling today, Touya?" Sakura asked after the greetings were over.

"As good as a person would feel after being ran over by a bus," he said, shrugging nonchalantly.

Sakura smiled sadly and shook her head, not believing her brother and his carefree attitude about this situation. Had he always been this nonchalant about his health?

"My wife and child are safe, my best friends and sister are here, I don't think I could be any better than this," he said.

Sakura smiled and nodded.

Yukito smiled at that before saying, "So, how's life been treating you all?"

* * *

Syaoran smirked at the doctor ogling at him as he walked down the hall towards his office.

He _really_ wants to have sex right now. Not with the doctor he was just sending smoldering looks to, though.

He was only entertaining her attempt to seduce him into one of the on-call rooms. He thought about having a quickie with her. He _really_ thought about having a quickie with her. In fact, he wants sex so badly right now that he would be willing to do anything for it, but he withheld the urge. Barely, but he still did.

He had just come from the restroom after rubbing a good one off, thinking about Sakura in the nude.

The erotic images of her were still not getting old even though he had been at it for a full month now. The date with her a few days ago had done nothing to help matters for him.

She was...perfect, aside from the fact that she is a psychologist; but other than that, everything about her was perfect.

He had a great time with her at the restaurant, talking about their daily lives together, and the patients they encountered. It was...

He had never felt that good about a date before, let alone feel good after _talking_ to someone.

A hot little body with a beautiful face and personality like hers, he could not deny how perfect she was, regardless of that shitty occupation.

He had to sleep with her. It was not just a desire anymore, but more of a need. The more he saw her, the stronger the urge to take her was getting. Hearing her voice also added to the urge, which almost made it unbearable to not beg her to let him take her.

Every word she spoke, he held on to them like they were his last breath to take, desperate for more each time. Was it her voice or the soft-spoken words?

It was always hard to tell. The date though...

It had to be the reason he was withholding from sex with another woman right now. There was no other explanation for it. He does not really care about that right now.

He opened the door to his office and walked inside, closing the door behind him. He dropped down in the chair in front of the desk. Picking the papers up, he began to skim through some of the information.

He began scribbling down notes on another sheet of paper as ideas to improve the hospital came flying through his head.

A few months back, the hospital had nearly been sued because of something that one of his ex-employees had done. He had been so distracted lately that he barely had the chance to put thought into the matters after he got the hospital out of the sticky mess.

Sex had been one of the reasons that he could not concentrate on the job much lately anymore, and now that the psychologist was around, things were slowly becoming easier for him.

His mind had been a little at ease, and he was finally growing accustomed to just using his hand.

The first thing he needed to do was come up with new rules and regulations in the hospital. Since 'not taking the job seriously' was a habit that everyone seemed accustomed to in the hospital, he would rid of that immediately after having a board meeting.

A loud, vibrating sound on the desk interrupted his thoughts, stopping his planning.

He picked the phone up and swiped it across after seeing who it was. "Dr. Li speaking," he said in the phone formally.

 _"Come on, Syaoran. You know this is Yamazaki,"_ the other man on the line said with a scowl.

Syaoran snorted. "You shouldn't call my work cell if you want to be personal, then."

 _"You would have just ignored my calls and texts like you always do,"_ Yamazaki spoke in a disapproving tone.

Syaoran sighed. "What do you want, Yamazaki?"

 _"Calm down. I just didn't want to leave you out of the loop on this one, either."_

Yamazaki went silent on the phone, making Syaoran wonder if the man had changed his mind or something. He still waited for him to continue, though.

 _"Chiharu has been really depressed for the last couple of weeks. Post-partum depression, or whatever women go through after birth, so I was thinking about throwing a small surprise party since the kiddos are a month old this week."_

"You know that I won't make it," Syaoran said.

 _"I know, I know. I still didn't want to leave you out of this. It is last-minute move to inform you, but it's going to be at my house at 6:00 on Sunday – tomorrow. If you want, you can come. It really is just a small get-together. Uh..."_ Yamazaki paused before continuing with, _"There's going to be beer, booze...I don't know, whatever sounds appealing to you."_

"Okay."

 _"Alright. I'll catch you later, man,"_ Yamazaki said and then hung up after Syaoran bid him goodbye.

He sighed, eyes closing peacefully. Yamazaki always kept him in the loop about everything that went on with his life, along with Eriol's.

Syaoran never cared to know about his acquaintances' lifestyles though. Why should it concern him anyway?

He never involved them in his life nor invited them to events that placed attention on him, so why did they always feel obligated to get him involved with their lives?

Why did that even matter? His life was too busy for them, so this should never be something he needed to worry about.

Placing his phone down, he picked the papers back up, but then decided that he wanted to make one last phone call.

He picked up his personal phone and dialed in the number that he had memorized by now.

It rung a few times before the person picked up.

 _"Kinomoto speaking,"_ came her soft-spoken voice in the phone.

Goosebumps broke out on his skin as a small smile crept to his lips. "Sakura," he said, letting her know who it was.

He had not heard her voice since Thursday, and he was craving it right now.

 _"Syaoran. Is everything alright?"_ came her caring tone immediately.

His heart fluttered, stomach jumping at that. "Yes. I just...it's been two days since I heard your voice," he said.

 _"Syaoran,"_ she called in a gentle, warning tone.

"I know, I know. Formal phone calls only, but I really did want to talk...ask you a few questions," he said.

He had read somewhere online the other day that it was okay for patients to call their psychologists if they have any questions. It was also okay for her to have a mini session on the phone if she agreed to it. He would have to pay more money for it, but he was willing to do it if she suggested it, as long as he could hear her voice...her words.

His manhood came to life at the thought of her voice, even though he could hear it now. Gods...

What the hell was this woman doing to him?

 _"Alright. What is it?"_ she asked.

He looked around the desk, wondering what he could ask her. He had not thought this far ahead.

 _"Syaoran? Are you there?"_ she asked after he remained silent for a minute or so.

"Y-yes. I wanted to know ways to distract myself from having sex..." he said.

He knew ways, but he wanted to know what she would say. Plus, he would be able to hear more of that beautiful voice.

 _"You know what I'm going to say,"_ she said.

He could hear the smile in her voice, which also brought a smile to his face.

"What is it?" he asked.

 _"Hang out with some friends even if you have to in the hospital, and keep yourself busy,"_ she said.

Syaoran groaned in fake annoyance. "You're not going to let that go, are you?" he asked.

 _"No, I'm not. It's really going to help you in the long run."_

"What if I said that I'd rather be with you?" he asked.

The flirty, suggestive question was not intentionally meant to be sexual, but his body had a mind of its own. The erection he has is becoming unbearably painful right now.

 _"You already know the answer to that question, Syaoran,"_ she said with a giggle.

He released a sigh of relief, glad that he had not caused any awkward tension between them.

"It was only a suggestion," he said, shrugging his shoulders, even though she could not see it.

 _"Well, hang out with friends, in public. Your goal is to not give into sex when you feel the need to have that security, safety, and control. That's what..."_ she trailed off.

"What?" he asked, curiosity perked at her hesitancy.

 _"It's nothing."_

"Tell me."

 _"It's nothing, Syaoran."_

He swallowed, feeling himself growing annoyed with her hesitancy to tell him something when he asked. "Sakura," he said, almost in a warning tone.

She giggled. _"Syaoran,"_ she said, in a mimicking tone.

That only infuriated him more. "I'm being serious here," he said, sternly.

 _"Are you sure you want to know?"_ she asked.

"Yes."

 _"Positive?"_

"Damn it, woman. Fucking yes," he swore.

 _"That is what's controlling you. Since you're using sex to replace those emotions, or fill them in, sex is controlling your actions. When you're playing out your fantasies of controlling a woman during sex, you're supplanting_ _th_ _at lost feeling of control,"_ she explained.

His breath caught in his throat, heart nearly beating out of his chest.

"I—" He nearly choked on his word, feeling like he swallowed an entire bottle of pills without water.

 _"Too much, for now?"_ she asked after he offered no response.

He nodded, though she could not see. He really wished that she was here with him right at this moment.

 _"I understand,"_ she said, as though she had seen him nod.

"Should we end the call here?"

A disapproving sound left his mouth, fearing his heart would stop working at any moment right now.

"N-no," he barely whispered.

They remained silent on the phone for a minute before he recollected his mental state and decided to change the subject.

"What are you doing?"

 _"Well, I was helping set up this place for my friend. Though when you called, I stepped out,"_ she said.

"Oh, am I holding you up?"

 _"Nah. We were just wrapping it up now. What are you doing?"_

"U-uh..." He looked around the office, confused. What was he doing?

 _Oh, right._ "Trying to come up with new rules in the hospital," he said.

 _"Oh, after the incident a few months ago?"_ she asked.

He cringed, feeling uneasy that she knew about it. Then again, what person in town would not know about the case?

"Yup, can't afford another doctor here pulling the plug on another patient because of their personal problems."

She sighed over the phone. _"That situation was really messy..."_ she trailed off.

He wondered what she was doing because there was ruffling on the other end. _"Hold on,"_ she said, almost in a hushed tone.

"Okay," he said, softly.

He sighed, heart slowing down its pace. His thoughts strayed back to what she stated regarding his addiction. He had never thought about it like that before. He just thought that he...loved sex.

The way she explained it to him though...

It was perfect, so right, that everything was beginning to make sense now. Maybe, subconsciously, he did know what it was about, but decided to ignore it for all these years now. It made so much sense to him now that she voiced the problem to him.

 _"I have to go, Syaoran. I'll see you on Thursday, okay?"_ she said quickly on the phone.

"Alright. Have a good day," he said with a sigh.

She bid him goodbye and they hung up.

Sighing again, he decided to drown himself in work to get his mind off her explanation for his behavior.

* * *

Syaoran sat in his parked car outside of Yamazaki's house, contemplating whether he should leave and forget the whole ordeal, or stay. He never told him if he would come or not, so it was not like he would be disappointing anyone by getting their hopes up high about his arrival.

There were several cars parked outside Yamazaki's house, and Syaoran began to wonder how Chiharu, his wife, had not noticed there would be a party thrown.

He ran a hand through his hair, pulling on it a bit hard to pull himself together mentally. Why did he let Sakura convince him to try and hang out with 'friends'?

This was all new to him. Even though he had known Yamazaki since high school, he never really hung out with him. Or maybe he did, but he just could not remember.

Yamazaki followed him around all the time, informed him about the latest gossips in school, even stories that seemed a bit unrealistic. He was even Syaoran's wingman, yet he offered Yamazaki no support in anything.

He sighed and then opened the door of his car, stepping out. He walked towards the house, heart beating hard against his chest. Would it be awkward for him? He did not even know the circle that Yamazaki associated himself with, aside from Eriol. Eriol and…maybe his wife?

He shook his head, lifting his fist and knocking on the door firmly.

The door opened immediately, revealing Yamazaki.

A wide grin spread across his face and he grabbed Syaoran, pulling him in. "Man! Is this really you in the flesh?" Yamazaki asked, pulling on his cheek.

Syaoran swatted his hands away, annoyed. "Well, I was driving by and..." He stopped, realizing his instinct to lie. "I decided to drop by," he said.

"I'm glad you could make it then," Yamazaki said, eyes closed. "You're pretty late, but everyone's in the back yard. The surprise was a success, though. My woman is happier than she's ever been in the last year."

He led Syaoran in the kitchen, to the back door. He opened the door, and Syaoran walked out; fresh, grilled food invading his nostrils.

All heads turned to him the moment he came out, causing an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Dr. Li?"

Syaoran looked in the direction of the familiar voice to see the man he grew to hate so fast.

"Dr. Akinari," he acknowledged the raven-haired man.

"You two know each other?" Yamazaki asked.

"Of course, they do," Eriol chimed in with a mischievous glint in his eyes behind the wired glasses.

Syaoran ignored the man, not wanting to get in a battle with him today. "He works at the hospital," Syaoran said.

"Yeah. This is a bit awkward, right?" Dr. Akinari said laughing.

"Well, let me formally introduce you to the others to avoid any more awkward shit like this," Yamazaki said.

"Don't treat him like you're his boss," Yamazaki murmured to him.

Syaoran shrugged. "Drop the formalities," he told Dr. Akinari.

"'Li' it is then."

Yamazaki introduced him to a woman named Naoko, who had short, brown hair that was cut into a bob with brown eyes. Another woman named Rika, who also had brown hair, but darker and brown eyes. He was also introduced to Tomoyo, who he already knew. Then he was introduced to the twins, Yamachu and Chiyo, as if they could appreciate a proper meeting.

"Where's Miharu?" Syaoran asked after he noticed the absent woman.

"Syaoran, you may have missed the wedding, but surely you're aware that she's no longer a Miharu anymore," Yamazaki said with a chuckle.

"You're going to throw that in my face for the rest of my life?" Syaoran asked, a small frown tugging on his lips.

"I mean, man, you missed the biggest day of my life. What do you expect me to do?"

"Understand that I'm a busy man."

Yamazaki shook his head, letting out a short laugh. "It's been three years. I'm not really still mad at you, but I did want you to be my best man."

"I know."

"Of course, you do. Anyway, she's upstairs with Kinomoto. She insisted that she didn't look 'appropriate' for the occasion, while begging to get free advice from our famous psychologist," Yamazaki said.

"K-Kinomoto?" Syaoran turned to said man.

Eriol smirked, nodding his head, as if he had something else in mind.

Syaoran decided to ignore it by brushing it off and engaging in conversation with the others in the room. He could not ignore his racing heart, and growing boner for long though. Just the mention of that woman's name sparked something in him. He should have known that she would be here, considering he had been the one to show her the way to Chiharu's room after the babies were born.

Other than that, everything was going great. He was able to avoid direct conversations with Akinari, even though he did not have much of an option. He even had conversation with Eriol. He could deal with Eriol any day over the other, though.

The Rika and Naoko women were cool, though Naoko seemed a bit weird. Aside from that bit of observation he picked up on with the women, he was having a good time being in the presence of normal people. By normal, that meant people who were not doctors like himself.

Though the women asked about his job, he still did not feel like a doctor at those moments. He felt like a normal person, giving information about his own knowledge of a subject. It was kind of nice.

"So, major headaches could mean anything?" Rika asked curiously.

"Well, in a way. It depends on—"

" _So_ sorry to have kept you guys waiting," interrupted the voice that had been haunting Syaoran, from the staircase.

His head instantly snapped to its direction, heart racing at the sight.

She had on a pale, pink dress that had straps tied around her neck. It showed far too little cleavage for his eyes, but enough for the public eye. It fit tightly on her upper body, but flowed down to her knees gracefully.

It was a simple, innocent dress, but her appearance made it look like the sexiest thing he had ever seen. Then again, it could have just been her in general since she always did this to him.

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, praying that his erection would remain held down by the dark, denim jeans. It was becoming so uncomfortable the more he stared at her.

"Dr. Li?" her voice broke him out of the trance.

"Kinomoto Sakura. Li Syaoran," Yamazaki introduced them.

Sakura smiled at him, sending him a playful, wink before turning to Yamazaki. "He's onii-chan's doctor," Sakura told him.

"Oh! This is the doctor you were talking about?" Tomoyo said, giving her a knowing look.

Syaoran wondered what the look meant, but could not really care at the moment as Sakura's cheeks were stained with a blush.

Sakura's eyes narrowed at the woman, silently warning her to shush. "Anyway, wouldn't you say that I did a dazzling job on her, guys?"

Sakura motioned with her hands to Chiharu's appearance, but Syaoran could not really pay attention to anyone else in the room, but her.

She looked...

"You did great, Sakura," Akinari's voice praised Sakura's handy work.

Syaoran almost glared at the man as everyone in the room agreed with him.

The man was purposely trying to flatter her with the compliment.

Chiharu pecked Yamazaki's lips before pulling away from him with a smile. She walked over to her babies, accepting Chiyo from Rika who had been holding the little girl.

"I missed them so much today..." Chiharu said, smiling sadly, and then placing a kiss on the cooing baby's forehead. "Thank you, guys, so much..." she said, quietly.

There were tears brimming at the corner of her eyes as she stared at the baby. "You don't know how much this means to me. I've been so stressed lately with the babies, and my own health, and..." She sniffed, pulling the baby to her chest lovingly. "Thank you. You even got Li-san to come out..." Chiharu said, smiling at Yamazaki.

Yamazaki walked over to her and pressed his lips against hers lovingly in front of everyone. "You know that I want to keep you happy," he said, gently in her hair.

Syaoran looked away, even though everyone looked on in admiration. He felt like they were all intruding in on a private moment of the family.

After Yamazaki pulled back from her, he turned to everyone and gestured to the kitchen. "Well, why don't we feed our hunger? I don't know about you guys, but I'm starved," he said.

Everyone agreed, and Yamazaki took the babies from Chiharu and Naoko so the women could get their food first. They fixed their plates and settled themselves outside in the backyard at the table in the patio.

Syaoran could not take his eyes off Sakura even for a moment as she engaged herself in conversation with everyone in the house. He probably looked like a creep watching her every move, but he could not help it. She looked like she enjoyed life so much...

It was easy to see that she loved her friends too. How had he even missed out all these years of knowing her when she knew so many people that he did? He could not remember her being around those few times that he did come around them.

"Right, Dr. Li?"

He looked in the direction his name was being called, only to see that it was Sakura.

Dr. Li? Was she really calling him that again?

He looked her in the eyes, silently questioning why she called him that. "Yes?"

"How long did you say that Touya would be on bed rest again?"

Everyone's attention turned on him.

"U-uh...he should be able to leave in a few days. His tests results were fine, so he's good to go," he said, almost nervously.

"See? Nothing to worry about," Akinari whispered in her ear.

Syaoran's fists clenched under the table and looked away from their direction. He had already rehearsed over and over in his head that he would not act out today. He would be on his best behavior. Though, that was before he knew that these two would be here today. Together.

"That's good. You still haven't heard anything from your dad?" Chiharu asked, taking a bite out of her hamburger.

"Yes. He got here yesterday. As soon as he found out, he flew back even though he's in the middle of one of his projects," Sakura said.

Syaoran's brows knitted together, wondering if he met the man. He could not remember though.

"Everyone's doing great though, so there's nothing to worry about," Sakura said with a smile, waving her hand nonchalantly as if it was nothing.

"What about you, Sakura-chan?" Rika asked, almost sadly.

"I'm fine. How did this conversation suddenly turn towards me? This is Chiharu and the twin's day," she said, a forced laugh following after it.

Everyone at the table had sympathetic looks on their faces, except Syaoran, who was confused by the sudden shift in mood. When he looked in Sakura's direction, her eyes were downcast.

There was a strong tug at his heart, longing to get rid of whatever she was feeling right now.

The longing in his heart left as fast as it came the moment he saw Akinari's hand drop under the table, no doubt, in her lap to grab her hand.

Syaoran had to swallow the daggers down his throat before he decided to throw them at the two. He looked around the table, steam nearly rising from his body as he wondered why anyone at the table would feel sympathetic for her kind.

"Well, if she says she's fine, then she's fine. Let's move on to Eriol now. How's the advertisement for the new products selling?" Akinari asked, causing Syaoran's stomach to churn in disgust.

"Oh, yeah! You haven't told us about that yet," Chiharu said.

The others agreed, dragging the attention away from Sakura as Eriol began to go into details about the advertisement of the new products.

Syaoran could not focus on the conversation, though. That man still had his hands on what Syaoran believes he had claimed first. What made matters worse was, she was not pulling away from his vile touch, even while she laughed and engaged in conversation with everyone. How could she just go out with him a few days ago and pretend that she was enjoying his company, while letting another show her this much affection?

He forgot what she really was because of one stupid outing. The more he thought about it, the more he began to feel bitter about the time they spent together in the restaurant. It made him feel sick, nearly making him hurl his insides.

He was beginning to grow tired of this "not knowing" stuff. He wanted to know if they were a thing, or even if they were just fucking. He wanted answers to so many things, but information on these two were what he really needed. Now.

He did not think he could stay another minute in their presence together. Causing a scene was not something he wanted right now, but how would he find out what he needed to know without showing how he felt about it?

His fists clenched under the table, restraining himself from jumping across the table. He just wanted to grab her from across the table and fuck her brains out in front of her friends to show them that he had claims on her first.

Did that make him insane? Maybe, but that thought sure as hell turned him on more than normal.

"Li-kun, would you mind being in her team?" Tomoyo asked, looking at him strangely.

"W-what?" he stuttered, caught off guard by that question. He had just been fantasizing about taking her friend in front of them.

"Sakura's. We're about to play the game, remember?" Tomoyo said.

"Uh...sure," he said, playing along.

'When had this little surprise party had become about games?' was the question that he really wanted to ask, but decided not to.

"Okay, so there are two items of each object. A baby bottle, pacifier, diaper, wipes, and one bib. I'm choosing a fifth item to avoid tiebreakers. You know what they say about teams who get in tiebreakers, right?" Yamazaki asked everyone.

The majority shook their heads, while the other few looked uninterested about it.

"If you think about the origin of the Germanic, old English words tigan and tiegan, they mean to connect or bind. Those words are how tie became to be so, people who get in tiebreakers are somehow genetically connected and bound to each other because they have the same skills and thinking patterns. Some would even say that they're twins in another life," he explained, almost with a straight face.

Syaoran's brows scrunched together, wondering if that was true. Out of all the years of schooling and research, he never heard that before.

 _Guess you learn something new every day._

"Really?" Sakura asked, almost in awe.

"Of course, Sakura. I learned that back in England from one of my culture classes in undergrad school," Eriol said, smiling.

" _Sugoi_!" Sakura said in amazement. "I wonder if any of us are genetically connected. Well, other than Tomoyo and I."

Tomoyo smiled at Sakura, ready to respond before they were interrupted by Yamazaki yelping.

"He's bullshitting you all," Chiharu said, removing her hand from Yamazaki's head.

"So, it's not true?" Syaoran was the first to ask, feeling a bit fooled himself.

That was the first time that he opened his mouth since they were in the kitchen earlier.

"Of course, it is—"

"Let's start with the game," Chiharu interrupted Yamazaki before he could further explain.

Syaoran never knew when he should or should not believe that boy because sometimes he tells the truth, while other times he does not. Somehow, he always found himself believing everything that the man told him though, as crazy as it sounded.

Yamazaki explained the rest of the game, warning them that the babies' room was off-limits for obvious reasons. They were now on the search for the baby items, but Syaoran had something else in mind.

Sakura did most of the searching, while he followed behind silently, trying to figure out a way to bring up what had been bothering him.

"Are you just not interested in winning the prize?" she suddenly asked, while looking under the bed on her hands and knees.

There was no way that he could pay attention to what she was saying while bending down like that, though. He could not see under her dress, but he sure as hell did not have to for his mind to strip the dress from her body in a blink of an eye.

He could already feel himself inside of her while she held herself up on her hands and knees as he drove into her hard and fast.

His eyes slowly run up the length of her body to her head of auburn hair. Why was it so easy to already feel the soft locks between his fingers, him tugging at it while landing a slap to her ass with the other, as he relentlessly fucked her?

"Sy—" She stopped, looking him in the eyes, almost innocently.

He blinked once, snapping himself out of the lust-filled haze. The images would not disappear though, so he could not concentrate on his surroundings.

"A-are you okay?" she asked nervously, standing from the floor. When he remained silent, she started fidgeting. Her eyes darted a bit around the room. After a short while, she walked over to the closet door, opened it and went inside.

He could tell that she was nervous, which only thrilled him. He followed her to the closet, closing the door behind him silently.

When she turned around, she jumped, shocked by his presence in the closet. "God, you can't sneak up on me like that, Syaoran," she said with a forced laugh, hand resting over her chest.

"S-Sakura..." he stuttered, walking towards her.

"Syaoran," she said in a disapproving, warning tone. It always seemed like she knew what he wanted.

"But I—"

"No. I don't want to hear any buts," she scolded.

"You look so fucking hot right now, and—"

"That does not mean that you should resort to this." She motioned to his advances towards her.

"Then answer my question," he demanded.

She looked at him, confused. "What question?" she asked, calmly.

"Are you fucking that..." His fists clenched, voice unable to speak the man's name. "Sakura, you have to tell me if you are…you are fucking that…"

"Syaoran," she called softly. "Why does it even matter?"

He glared at her, furious that she still hesitates to tell him this. "It's a fucking yes or no question—"

"That isn't any of your business," she retorted. "Now...let's get back to the game because I would love to win that prize."

She offered him a kind smile, and then stepped to the side, but he blocked her from leaving. Before she could even take a breath, he had her pressed against the closet wall.

"Please, Sakura..." he begged. "Just tell me...why can you let him fuck you, but not me?"

She struggled against him a little. He could sense her discomfort as he noticed a plastic hanger pressing into her bare, shoulder.

"Syaoran—" She gasped, hands flying to his chest the moment his head dipped down between her neck, and began kissing.

"I'm better than him. I can make you feel ten times better than he ever will..." he said against her skin, licking it lightly.

"S-Syaoran," she called, pushing against him, almost weakly.

He could tell that she wanted this just as much as he did. Her body felt hot, her face was flushed; and from the way he had his thigh pressed against her heat, he could almost feel her arousal over the thin fabric of clothing. Or maybe this was all his imagination. He could not tell anymore.

"I can make you come so many times that every other guy in your eyes will be ruined," he said huskily against her skin, letting his hands fall down to her waist. He grasped her hips and pulled her against his own, nearly rubbing his erection directly on her heat.

A breathy moan slipped passed her closed lips. Even so, she pushed against him still. It was clear as day how much she wanted it now, but he could not understand why she was resisting this strong, inescapable pull between them.

"S-Syaoran," she said protesting, but almost in moan.

It nearly made him jizz all over himself. "One time, let me show you how to feel like a woman," he said, his hips rocking into hers a little faster and harder now, causing the right amount of friction for them both.

"Syaoran—we can't—especially here!" she said in a frustrated tone, pushing against him harder now.

He stopped, realizing how adamantly serious she was about this situation. With all his mental strength, he removed his hips from hers, but kept his firm grip on her waist. He may have been in a lustful trance right now, but he would not dare take a woman against her will. That was never in his forte.

"Why? Why, Sakura?" he said, spitting her name with so much distaste.

He could not understand why she was doing this to him. No, he did know, but he did not know _why_ she would. Sure, she cared about her job, but surely not as much as her own needs, right?

"I-I don't want t—"

"That's a damn lie. I... you..." He stopped, dipping his head down, ready to close the gap between their lips.

"Sy—"

"I'm surprised no one's looked in here," they heard a voice in the room say.

Syaoran paused, eyes shooting open, staring into the emerald pair that was wide like saucers.

They heard the distinct voice say something else that their ears could not register, but Syaoran knew who the voice belonged to. After all, it was the voice of a man's that his heart holds so much hatred for.

Unconsciously, his body pressed further into hers rigidly, leaving no space between them as an image of the man walking in on them in such a compromising position crossed his mind.

Sakura's head was the first to turn towards the closet door, but his ears were the first to register the footsteps that are getting closer and closer…

Until it happened.

The knob of the closet door began to turn…

* * *

 **A/N: Whew! 1 day off, but I still got a chapter out this week:). Thank you guys so so much for the reviews!**

 **The first thing that I should've said in this authors note was thank you to my beta theDeviantme, so major thanks to theDeviantme for beta-ing this chapter! I kid you all not, this chapter would not be coming out right now if I didn't have her. It's hard finding time these days lately, and she is wiling to find time to read over the mistakes I make and correct them for me. I don't know how much I could thank her!**

 **Anyway, I know that I said that I would be able to post a tone on my break, which is this upcoming week, but I'm not so sure anymore. I have eight papers that are due as soon as I get back, along with work...I might as well just kill myself, right? Lol. But no, I'm going to try and find time, despite the fact that I have a ton of my family over :). I got off work pretty late tonight, so I'm extremely tired(3am right now). I have to get up tomorrow morning to go right back to work, and then follow up with going to my sister's baby shower afterwards.**

 **One can only imagine that I'm going to K.O. any minute right now :P.**

 **Ja ne!**


	11. And Back to Square One

**"And Back to Square One"**

* * *

The door opened, and Syaoran nearly stumbled back to the other side of the closet where the shoes were placed.

His face twisted from the pain of a heel stabbing at his side. He looked at Sakura, ready to chastise her for her aggressive behavior towards him, but she forced out a laugh.

"You guys are a little too slow," she said, pushing herself off the clothes rack.

Syaoran looked in the direction she is staring at. And there, Akinari and Chiharu were standing at the entrance of the closet door, staring at them.

"Damn it! I told you that we should've looked here first," Chiharu scolded Akinari, who chuckled. "You just couldn't give me the benefit of the doubt."

"I'm sorry, Chi, but I don't think it's a problem," Akinari said, eyes locking with Sakura's, conveying a silent message that Syaoran could not decipher. "Because here it is."

Akinari reached up, grabbing a bottle that they had missed.

"Darn it!" Sakura exclaimed, causing the party to laugh at her distraught face, except Syaoran.

She shuffled her way out of the closet.

"You're so damn slow, woman," Syaoran heard Akinari say under his breath to Sakura as he walked out the closet himself.

She threw her head back, laughing. She landed a soft slap to his chest. "Oh, hush. It wasn't like I looked hard enough," she said, grinning at him.

Syaoran suddenly felt sick to his stomach at the sight of the two acting comfortably with each other. He almost felt jealous of the way she could pretend that nothing had ever occurred in that closet with him only a few minutes ago.

His eyes took in her appearance and he could not help but feel pleased at it.

Though her behavior was normal, her face was still flushed, giving off the vibe that she had just been aroused. Or maybe that was what he liked to think he is seeing.

He glanced at Chiharu to see her talking and laughing as if she saw nothing, and then at Akinari, who appeared the same.

 _Maybe it is me..._

His eyes landed on the trio again who were now engaged in conversation as if nothing happened. He really felt sick once again at Sakura's behavior now.

What should he expect though? He knew she is a fake, so why is he even letting her behavior bother him?

After hearing her laughter one last time, he decided to end his own misery.

"I have to get to the hospital. I'll see you guys later," he said.

"Aw...it was great seeing you again," Chiharu said.

"You too." He nodded to the other two in the room, and then left.

When he settled into his car, he could hear and feel his heart rapidly beating against his chest so hard that it almost hurt.

Why did he come here today? Was he expecting to make amends with his old friends? Rekindle what he killed?

Whatever it was, this was the worst decision he had ever made.

* * *

Syaoran pushed the door opened to her practice, nerves jumping all over the place.

It was Thursday.

How did he make it to Thursday without hearing or seeing her?

Oh, it was his hand. His job. His thoughts. Her pictures. The pornographic videos of women who looked close to her appearance, though there were none who could compare to her beauty. That was where his imagination took control.

He was beginning to grow tired of all that, though. He was tired of his hand always leaving him unsatisfied, reminding him that he could not have sex with anyone. He was tired of not feeling that control during sex...

It was even harder that he had not heard her voice since Saturday after he left the party. She ignored his calls and text messages, despite his efforts to get her attention.

But it was Thursday. His day...the day she belongs to him, as he liked to think. And that was all that matters.

"Dr. Kinomoto," he called, staring down at her sitting form with headphones on.

"Kinomoto," he called again, patience going thin.

"Sakura!" he barked, slamming his fist down on the desk.

She looked up and jumped, startled to see him standing there.

She pulled the headset off, staring at him. "Dr. Li? What are you doing here?"

His fists clenched, annoyed at her behavior. "It's Thursday," he said in a tight tone.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. "O-oh, you're right. My apologies," she said, scrambling from the chair, bowing to him. "Just a moment and we can begin." She motioned for him to sit on the all-too-familiar couch.

The usual was done, giving him time to get himself mentally prepared for the session.

 _I'm ready,_ he thought _._

Aside from his thoughts of taking the woman over and over, he had also put a lot of thought into telling her more about himself.

As usual, he had to reason with himself that the only reason he would was because she became more open to him when he does. He took notes, noticing her draw close to him when she knew more about his personal feelings, rather than his needs to have sex with her, or anyone.

After his calls were ignored for four days, he realized how miserable he was without the calls. How had he even restrained himself from having sex? He had no idea.

Four days without the real her, or her voice made him feel dead inside. He refused to ever feel that way again.

"How are you, Mr. Li?" she asked professionally.

"Syaoran," he corrected, almost in a demanding tone.

She gave him a small smile. "Syaoran," she said softly.

His heart fluttered, manhood springing to life at his name rolling off her tongue naturally.

"Aroused," he said. Thoughts of telling her about his personal emotions vanished.

"Okay. What else?" she asked calmly.

He looked into her eyes, searching for something… anything that would give away the effect that he has on her. There was nothing there, though.

It was easy to tell when they made physical contact, but during these sessions, her emotions were different. She always remains neutral. Professional. Polite...

All the unpleasant words that he does not like.

He wanted to see dark. Dirty. Naughty...

His eyes grew heavy with arousal, stripping her naked of the outfit that she had on today. It was cute, simple, and plain, which only made her look even sexier.

"Hot..." he murmured.

"Excuse me?" she said, sounding offended by his choice of word.

"I'm burning with a need for you right now..." he said, voice heavy with arousal.

Her cheeks colored, eyes straying from his. "Okay. Shall we pick up where we left off last time?" she asked.

He blinked, eyes travelling back to hers. "What?"

"We were talking about this, 'her,' in your life," she replied.

His body went rigid, eyes turning a shade darker than normal. "She is not in my life. I told you that her existence is fucking dead to me now," he said coldly.

"So, let's discuss when she was not yet dead to you," she said.

He swallowed hard as his heart repeatedly slammed against his chest.

He took a deep breath and let it go.

 _Here goes nothing..._

"She..."

He stopped, looking at her as his body filled with too many emotions at once. He shook his head. "I…I don't want to talk about her. I mean, I _can't_ talk about her."

"Yes, you can..." she said softly.

He shook his head again. "No, I can't, Sakura. I really can't," he said desperately.

"You can..." she said quietly.

He closed his eyes, unpleasant chills running down his body.

It was only a moment that he remained silent before he decided to break it.

"What do you want to know?"

"That's the thing. It's up to you to decide what you want me to know today," she said, smiling at him.

He averted his eyes away from her, cheeks warming at the sight of her lips.

"I..." He cleared his throat. "Ebony...she probably has the darkest and longest hair that you'll ever see..." he said, thinking about the way the woman's appearance is, or was. He did not know. "The color of her hair makes her skin appear very...pale. Her eyes are of a dark color too. Not as dark as her hair, but they're...they're dark."

He looked at Sakura, silently asking if this is okay.

She smiled, nodding her head for him to continue.

"She's very elegant. I mean, the air around her is very graceful, which gives off an intimidating vibe, but it wasn't intimidating to me anymore once it grew on me. She's beautiful...from what I can remember. The standards are high when it comes to beauty in China, so maybe that is why she kept up herself. Though she looked shitty the last few times that I saw her, she was still beautiful..."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Her appearance doesn't even matter, does it? It's not important, right?"

"Of course, it is. Everything you tell me here is important, Syaoran," she said, reassuring him that it was okay.

He sighed, feeling relieved by that statement. "Well, I can't confirm that she still looks like that. I haven't seen her in 10 years. I was turning 18 at the time...and there was this ball thrown for me by my family."

He scoffed and then bit the inside of his cheek hard, staring at nothing. "She didn't even show. It shouldn't have been a surprise that she didn't though. I was just..."

He sighed, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter what I was. She didn't show, even though I was becoming an official adult."

"Didn't you already consider yourself an adult? I mean...you...you did a lot for someone your age. It's very inspirational," she said.

He heard this so many times, but it was different this time. His heart raced, body being filled with warmth that felt like home with her praise.

He cleared his throat, ignoring the feeling. "I didn't think I was. I just...I wanted to be something. Someone important, I guess. I wanted to matter in the world. Could I have done it at the normal pace? Sure, but I didn't want to. I wanted to speed up the process of being someone who mattered in the world. I wanted to..." He stopped, eyes gazing into the emerald gems in front of him that were looking passionately into his.

"Wanted to what?" she asked after he stopped.

His cheeks warmed at the attention, so he looked away. "N-nothing..." he said.

"Why didn't she show up?" she asked suddenly.

"I don't know...maybe she didn't care like the bitch she is...or maybe she didn't know my family planned it because of her health...maybe she..." He sighed. "Maybe she just didn't want to. I don't care, though. I mean, I cared at the time, but now, it seems stupid to care about something so small."

"You didn't ask her?"

"God forbid I ever ask the bitch about anything she did."

"Syaoran..."

He looked up, hearing her call his name so softly. He waited for the chastisement.

"Is she the reason you hate your Chinese name so much?" she asked, surprising him.

"W-what?"

"In the elevator a week ago, I called you by your Chinese name and you asked me not to, remember?"

"O-oh..." He closed his eyes. "Yes. She used it all the time. It was only bad when she used it in...in that tone of hatred...and disgust. She was the only person who preferred to call me by my Chinese name, who knew me personally. That is why I hate it so much."

"I'm sorry I did..." she said apologetically.

A small smile tugged at his lip. "It's okay, just..."

"I won't ever use it again unless you tell me to," she said, finishing his sentence.

His heartbeats sped up, body growing hot at that statement.

"Trust me, I won't. Whenever I hear that name, I…I just...the way it makes me feel is just..." He stopped again, fists clenching so tight that it almost hurt. "I don't know how to describe it. It's...it's awful. It feels like a knife stabbing into my chest repeatedly. I don't know how else to explain it..."

"Why did you use it on the phone the first time you called, then?"

"I..." He thought about it for a minute, recalling the reason he did. "Because that name has its own person. It's not a likable person. It's someone useless...worthless, and...an unpleasant person. It probably doesn't make sense, but that's how I feel about it," he said, concluding what he thought about the name.

"No, it does. Why didn't you use Syaoran, though?"

"Because, when I called, that wasn't Syaoran. I didn't want to make you think that was Syaoran either. The weak, uncontrolled person on the phone wasn't Syaoran."

"So...Xiao Lang is the—"

"One who lacks control. He's weak, vulnerable, and..." He swallowed. "He's everything I'm not."

"Is—"

"That's why I moved here. Over there, people used to call me that in the media. I had enough of it, so I moved. Wei suggested I shouldn't because of my...condition. He almost begged me to stay...but I couldn't."

"Who is Wei?" she asked.

A smile crept to his lips. "My old Butler. He's a close family friend, but he's more of a best friend I can confide in."

Sakura smiled at him. "Oh, really?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He was the first to know about...my condition, I guess."

"How long has he known?"

"Well...since the beginning, really. He ended up walking in on me..." His cheeks began to grow hot at the memory. "You know."

"Doing that is normal, though."

"Yeah, well, he knew about the other times that I did...a lot. More than normal to...unusual films. He only suspected in the beginning because, like you said, it is normal. It was only after I started dating and sleeping with women when he confirmed his suspicions."

"Did he suggest help?" she asked.

He looked at her, wondering if she was pretending to be this interested.

"All the time."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't need help. I mean, I _don't_ need help, but you're insisting that I do, so I'm giving you my money to think that I'm really trying to get help," he lied, almost in a sarcastic tone.

She giggled, rolling her eyes. "Do you want to know what I think?"

"Are you really giving me a choice? I mean, you asking is very cute, but you're still going to tell me regardless, right?" he asked, smiling at her.

She grinned. "Actually, I was going to play it your way today. Because you said that, I've changed my mind." She winked at him. "You know that you need help at this point, but you're still trying to convince yourself that you don't."

He chuckled, surprised that she was correct. "What the hell are you?"

She burst out laughing. "What do you mean? I'm not a 'what.' More like a 'who,'" she said, giving him a pointed look.

"How can you tell that's what it is?" he asked, curious to know about these "powers" that psychologists seemed to have.

"Well, your posture for starters. Normally, you're tall, confident, and determined to get your point across with evidence. Then, your tone of voice. It's normally strong, forceful, and confident. Neither of those things was present in your response. Also, you've denied your need to get help this entire time, yet you keep coming here."

He was impressed with the way she picked up on the little details, which brought upon the question if she knew his attraction to her the moment he laid eyes on her.

"Do you pick up on everything around you?" he asked, smiling at her.

"Not everything," she replied, leaning forward a bit towards him.

"Only on your patients?"

She shrugged. "Well, I don't intentionally do it. But, when there are certain things...patterns that people follow, I can't help but notice it. You know, it's like you, right? When you hear someone say that something hurts on them, then you automatically think of different things that could be wrong with them. You know what I mean?"

He nodded, really understanding what she meant. It was like that for him. Whenever someone says they have a stomach ache, he was quick to conclude what it was after hearing the other symptoms.

"That makes sense. I should be more careful around you then, right?" he asked, and then sent her a wink.

Her cheeks colored, eyes leaving his. "Well, I think you need more practice," she said sheepishly.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, confused by the insult.

Her eyes drifted back in his direction, and then down to his pants.

His eyes closed, already aware of what she was staring at. Why should he care though? He wanted her to know how much he wanted to fuck her.

"That's different," he said in a low, sultry voice.

"How so?" she asked, eyes locking with his.

"I want you to notice that," he said, leaning forward to get closer to her.

"Why?" she asked quietly, clearly entranced by his tone.

A smirk formed on his lips at her response. "I think you already know why."

He could see the bob of her throat as she swallowed. "D-don't answer it, then," she said.

"Why? Because you know that I'll say that I want you to know... _feel_ how much I want to fuck you so hard?" he asked, standing from the small couch, walking over to her slowly.

Immediately, she stood from the chair, backing away. "Stop," she said sternly, holding a hand up to stop him.

He stopped his advance, not wanting to push his luck today.

"Sit," she instructed, pointing to the couch.

His brows furrowed, offended by her command. He should be the one giving commands, not the other way around. Even so, he still sat down, feeling embarrassed to have succumbed to her command so easily.

It would only be this once...

She sat down and then cleared her throat. "So, is Wei here?" she asked, continuing the previous conversation.

"Hong Kong. He didn't follow me because I instructed him not to."

"Well, why did you do that? I thought he was like your best friend."

"He is," he said.

"Then why?"

"He would just be a bother."

She frowned, appearing confused by that statement.

"He means well, but he's always worried about my health. Mentally and physically."

Sakura let out a small, soft laugh. "That's a good thing, Syaoran. You know that, right?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Then what?"

He shrugged. "I don't want him to bother me about my problems."

She forced out a laugh. "You're very contradicting."

"Just because he's like a best friend doesn't mean that I want to have him around. Don't you have a best friend?" he asked, looking at her through squinted eyes.

"Tomoyo, yes. I want her around all the time even though she can be a pain in the behind sometimes." She smiled.

"Lucky you, then," he said sarcastically.

"Maybe it's because you haven't found that best friend that you want around all the time."

"It's insane to want someone around all the time. I can barely stand being around myself all day," he said, shuddering at the thought of it.

She giggled. "Wow, Syaoran. You need a lot of work on you," she said playfully.

His eyes darkened. "And you're going to be the one to work on me?" he asked, eyes locking with hers again.

She looked away shyly as his eyes stripped her naked. "You're very difficult. Possibly even more than Touya."

He scoffed. "No one can compare to that bastard..." he murmured under his breath.

"Hey, you can't pick on him, remember?" she said, smiling at him.

He shrugged his shoulders, leaning back against the couch. "How am I difficult? I'm only being your patient," he said.

She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You know how. Everything I say has to be an insinuation of sex with you, even though that's not what I mean."

He raised a brow in amusement. "I never said that though."

Her blush deepened. "You didn't have to. I know the look on a man's face when he is thinking about it," she said shyly.

"Oh, really?" he asked, a little surprised they were having this conversation with each other.

"Of course. I may seem dense and naive sometimes, but I'm no fool to the opposite sex."

"You're not as innocent as I thought you were, then," he said, staring in her eyes.

She shifted uncomfortably in front of him, but still held his gaze. "I think that's nearly impossible at this age."

"How old are you?"

"I'm 27."

His brows scrunched together. "How long have you been in practice?"

"It's a long story."

"I'm willing to listen," he said, smiling at her.

She nodded. "Well, long-story short, I've had my own practice for three years now. Before this, I practiced under a psychiatrist in an institution in Tokyo while I finished grad school. I...uh...graduated from undergrad a year early. After I finished, I came back here to practice, as it is my hometown," she explained.

"You're originally from here?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes. I only went to Tokyo for school."

"Oh. Why didn't you practice in Tokyo? Surely you would have turned out more successful than you are here. It's a bigger city," he said.

"I know, but...it's better to be where you feel most at home..." she trailed off, eyes shifting from his.

"What do you mean?"

"I just didn't want to stay in Tokyo any longer after I graduated. My plans were to come back here after I finished anyway, so." She shrugged, offering him a fake smile that he noticed.

She took a deep breath, and then let it go. "Well, I think that we've had all the time we can get today," she said, standing from the chair.

Syaoran frowned, disappointed that she was bringing their session to an end. Could they even call this a session anymore, though?

He stood from the couch, turning to her. "Uh..." He took out double the amount of money and handed it to her.

"No, no, no. That is way too much. I only need half of that," she said, pushing his hand back gently.

"No. I want you to take all of it. Thanks for today...take it," he said, forcing the money in her hand.

He moved closer to her, but she moved back instantly. He paid no mind to it though, grabbing her wrist gently, pulling her towards him. He placed a kiss on her forehead, and then pulled away, looking in her eyes.

"I'll see you later," he whispered, holding back the smirk that wanted to play at his lips at her flustered face.

And then he left without another word.

* * *

Her heart beat against her chest rapidly as she walked through the hospital doors.

Sakura was nervous, edgy, and everything that was not herself right now.

She was afraid of running into the man she had seen almost a week ago in her practice. Even though they had not seen each other since then, he had called her every single day after that.

The conversations would always start with talking about his problems, but they always somehow shifted to other things that had nothing to do with the issue.

It was hard to believe that she even had the nerve to walk through these doors without feeling a trail of guilt behind her actions when she knew what she was feeling is wrong on so many levels.

It was not right to see a patient romantically, sexually, or anything that disregarded professionalism. There was no way she could stop these feelings, though.

It was one thing to know that a person was attractive, but to have the desire of acting on the attraction was another.

When she agreed within herself to help him, she did not think that he would cooperate this soon. She knew that he would, eventually, but not turn into this...prince charming guy who actually had a sense of humor. Or maybe this was all in her head, trying to make him be a good person at heart when he may not really be one. And maybe she should not think about this when she was going to see Akinari.

Sakura pushed the door open to Akinari's office and walked inside.

The first thing she noticed was the papers scattered over his desk and his head resting on his hand.

A smile crept to her lips at the sight as she slowly walked in the room quietly to not draw attention to herself. When she got to the front of his desk, he still had his head resting in his hand tiredly, so she reached across and grabbed his shoulders.

He jumped, startled by her presence in his office.

She burst out laughing, pulling a chair to the front of his desk. "What has you so deep in thought, _Dr._ Akinari," she said, putting emphasis on 'Dr.'

"Actually, you," he said, smiling at her.

Her head tilted to the side, confused by that. "What...about me?" she asked, almost suspiciously.

"Sakura, since Chiharu's surprise party, you've been in my office every single day." He let out a short laugh.

"So? Is there a problem with me wanting to see you?" she asked, looking at him sadly.

"Of course not, Sakura. You know that I would let you come in before any other person. Come here," he said, motioning with his hands for her to come behind the desk to him.

She shook her head. "Don't pity me..." she said weakly.

"I'm not. Why are you being so sensitive right now?" he asked.

"I'm not. You're insinuating that I'm coming here for a session..."

"I know that's not why you're over here. The conversation just turns into one without either of us noticing, which is fine. I love having those talks with you. I promise that I'm glad to see you. And I'm not tired of seeing you," he added the last part as a joke.

A small smile formed on her lips at the memory of her asking him if he was getting tired of her.

"Don't act so disappointed to see me then," she said, playfully glaring at him.

"I promise you I'm not. You're the only thing that's brightened my day so far, honestly," he said, winking at her.

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Stop it. You say that every time I come here."

"Because it's true, Sakura. You know where you stand in my life," he said truthfully.

She smiled at him reassuringly. "I know."

"Well, since you're clearly in a better mood today. Let's talk about Chiharu's party," he said, smiling at her mischievously.

She squinted at him before a smile played at her lips. "It was great. What do we have to talk about it?" she asked, heart racing at the thought of him mentioning the closet incident.

"You know what I want to know," he said, giving her a pointed look.

She stared at him for a while, but she could no longer hold his intimidating stare.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said under her breath.

"You know more than myself, that I can tell when you're lying. Don't make me say it out loud now."

"No! Please don't..." she almost begged.

"Tell me what it was about then."

She sighed. "It wasn't anything."

"My boss being pressed against the woman that I've known for almost a decade is nothing?"

An ugly blush spread across her face. "He was not..."

"Oh, Sakura, come on. Who are you trying to fool? Me or yourself? I want answers, young lady."

She sighed and then released a loud groan. "It was only a coincidence that he was against me, okay? I promise that we weren't doing anything," she explained, almost believing herself.

It was true. She did not have any intentions to allow them to do anything more than that. Besides, his body had felt so go—

 _Stop it, Sakura!_

"How do you guys know each other?"

"I met him at the hospital, Aki. You know that," she said, giving him a strange look.

"No, that's not what I mean, Sakura. You don't only know him as Touya's doctor."

She sighed, knowing that she would not be able to keep this from him. "Fine. I met him a few weeks before Touya's accident because of a small mishap that landed me in the hospital with a sprained ankle."

He chuckled. "Why am I not surprised?"

She pursed her lips, glaring at him softly. "Cut it out," she said like a little child.

"Well, that's how you guys met. How did you end up in that predicament in the closet, though?"

She dropped her head, disappointed that he had not forgotten.

"It's...complicated. And honestly, I don't know myself. I swear, it wasn't anything planned. It just...sort of happened."

"Okay...so how did you guys form any kind of relationship, though?"

She sighed, knowing that she would have to tell him eventually. After all, he was her therapist.

"He's a patient of mine."

"What?"

"Don't...go all judgmental on him. He has an issue...so he...came to me for help."

"What's the issue?" he asked.

"Aki," she called, staring at him blankly.

"What? What you say to me isn't going to be repeated."

"Okay? That still applies to _my_ patients too."

"Fair enough. Still, that's not explaining the personal relationship."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "What do you want to hear me say?"

"I want to hear you say that you aren't interested in him."

"He's my patient. Of course, I'm interested in him," she said innocently.

"You know what I mean, Sakura," he said, giving her a pointed look.

She sighed. "I know. I'm only trying to help him..."

"But?"

"What do you mean, 'but'?"

"There's a 'but' to that statement. Is there something bothering you about the situation? Is he doing something you don't like? Has he already done something?"

"Aki, calm down," she said, giving him a soft laugh to show that she was okay.

He was always protective of her, but never _this_ protective.

Their relationship went way back to undergrad when she took an advanced psychology course. He was a senior at the time, while she was in the second semester of her first year. They were put on the same team for a project and they ended up clicking fast. After that, they had always been inseparable.

"He hasn't done anything that I don't like..."

"Sakura..." he said in a warning tone.

"I promise."

"So that's what it is."

"W-what?" she stuttered.

"He's interested in you. Or, at least in sleeping with you."

She gasped. "Why would you say that?" she asked.

"I work in his hospital, Sakura. There isn't a woman in this hospital that he hasn't slept with," he said, frowning at her.

She pursed her lips, a little agitated with that information. She knew that he was addicted to sex, but was it really with every girl he came across?

"That doesn't matter," she said, attempting to sound nonchalant.

"Sakura, I'm going to be honest with you. As a close friend, I don't think that it's a good idea. He's bad news. Every single girl in this hospital has given it up to him multiple times and some even got hurt in the past."

"So, I'm every girl now?" she asked, offended by his statement.

"Of course not. I didn't mean it like that and you know that. It's just...you're a very good person, Sakura. Your heart is so pure...and he's...dark and manipulative. I'm not underestimating you, but he's...not good. I don't want you to be a victim of his schemes, Sakura."

"You're saying that I can't help him? That I don't take my job seriously? That I'll _sleep_ with a patient?" she asked, raising her voice a bit.

"No, I'm not. I'm saying, as a friend who knows about this man, you shouldn't do it," he said.

"And as my therapist?" she tested.

He sighed. "As your therapist, as long as you're not putting yourself in danger, I support you. Wanting to help people is a good thing...and if you feel like you can really do it, then you should, but—"

"That's what matters then," she said determined.

He frowned. "What about as your friend, though? That doesn't matter?"

"Of course, it does, but I'm a psychologist. It's my job to take the broken and fix them. You know that more than I do," she said, hoping that he would understand the way she felt about this. She really did want to help Syaoran.

"Sakura, you know that I believe you can do anything. But this..." He shook his head. "You can't do it; he will ruin you. Your license will be on the line for termination."

"Stop it, Aki," she said softly.

He sighed. "Okay, Sakura. Don't say I didn't warn you, though."

"You're already telling me that I'll fail to help him?" she asked, glaring at him softly.

"No. I'm saying that you're failing to make the right decision with this."

"You're being unfair to him right now. Did you think that way when I came to you for help after everything that has happened?" she asked quietly.

"Of course not, Sakura," he said quickly.

"Then give him a chance to get the help he's crying out for..."

He sighed, placing his hand on top of hers from across the desk. "You're right. I'm sorry, Sakura. If there's anyone who could help him, it's you," he said truthfully.

She smiled at him, nodding her head determined. She would be the one to help him, no matter what she had to do.

"Are you sure about this, though?"

She nodded. "Of course. I've never been this sure about something in my entire life," she said with an honesty to her tone that he could not help but believe.

He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. "Alright, Sakura. I trust you not to get yourself hurt again."

Her heart raced, a small sting with it.

She trusts herself not to get hurt again, too...

* * *

"Are you ready to talk more about the beautiful woman with raven hair and dark eyes?" Sakura asked the next day in their session.

He had come a lot earlier today than normal, asking if he could have extra time with her. He even offered to pay more money than he did the last time, insisting that she deserved more money for listening to his 'shit.' However, she told him that it was not necessary.

He sighed. "Do I have a choice?" he murmured.

"I want to tell you yes, but you know I can't," she said, smiling at him sadly.

He groaned in annoyance and beckoned her to come over to the couch beside him.

She hesitated for a moment, remembering Akinari's words. Even though she believed there was no way that Syaoran could ruin her, she could not help but feel cautious about him.

Everything that Akinari told her made perfect sense, but she knew that she would not let herself be one of the victims of Syaoran's schemes.

Even so, she still stood from the chair and walked over to him. She would still offer him the support and comfort that he needed when it came to his mental health.

Also, she had promised him on the phone that she would after he asked her to; explaining that he always felt better talking about things with her when she offered him comfort.

She may have been a fool to believe him, but something pricked at her heart, telling her that he meant it. So, she believed him. Shoot her.

What was the worst that could come out of offering him comfort and support? It was her job to do this kind of thing anyway.

She sat beside him, giving him a reassuring smile.

He took a deep breath, and then released it. "Okay. I'm ready. What should I tell you?" he asked, staring her in the eyes determined.

Her heart swelled a bit, proud that he was willing to open up to her now.

Maybe it was the phone calls. They were helping the progress to his health tremendously. He claimed that he had not had sex in three weeks now, so how could she reject the request to give him comfort?

It was already hard for a man to deny himself of sex, so she had to give something back to him.

"I know it may be a bit much for right now, but why do you hate her?" she asked.

He looked down at his lap, face hardening.

She felt a little guilty for springing the question on him like that, but she wanted to speed this process up a bit.

"Take your time," she said softly.

He closed his eyes.

She could only imagine how he felt right now.

This woman in his life...who was it? Who was she to him? What did she do to him?

Was she an ex-lover?

The way he described her last week gave away nothing she could work with. It was only one puzzle piece with nothing to connect with the others.

What was she supposed to do? Think?

"She..." His eyes closed tighter as if he were lost in thought about it.

She placed her hand on top of his. "I'm here, Syaoran," she reminded him.

She had already experienced first-hand when he left the real world. And she did not want to experience that side of him again.

He opened his eyes, looking in her eyes with a sadness clouding his own. "She didn't want me...love me. She took away that feeling that any person would want to feel."

Sakura's eyes softened, holding his hand a little tighter. "Syaoran—"

He shook his head, silencing her. "If I stop, I won't be able to continue..."

She nodded, closing her lips together.

"I loved her even though she never loved me. And the most fucked up thing about it is...she expressed how much she hate me through her actions. She..."

His hands grabbed a hold of hers tightly, almost crushing the bones of her slim fingers. She endured the pain for his sake, though.

"I think she hates me because of her last. It doesn't matter though. No one should have ever treated me the way that bitch did," he said angrily, glaring at the table.

Her eyes closed tightly as his grip tightened. Her hand flinched, attempting to alert him on how hard he was holding it.

Though he did not look at their joined hands together, he loosened his own, allowing some of the blood to rush back into hers.

"How did she treat you?"

"Like shit. Like she wanted me fucking dead...like she wished I was never alive," he whispered the last part brokenly.

Sakura frowned, putting a bit of the pieces together now.

To confirm her assumptions, she asked, "How long ago was this?"

"Sakura..." he said, almost warning her not to do this.

"Syaoran, how long ago was this?" she pressed, almost demanding the answer.

"I don't...I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said, shaking his head.

"Syaoran," she almost begged.

"No!" he yelled, pushing her hand away as if it burned.

Her jaw tightened and she looked away from him.

She knew that tone all too well. He would not be continuing with this conversation today.

"Okay. Let's talk about sex then," she said, changing the subject to get rid of the tension in the room.

"W-what?" he stuttered, looking at her.

"It's been three weeks and you haven't had sex. How do you feel?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Like shit."

"Is the feeling similar to the way you used to feel when she used to treat you terribly?"

"Yes. Maybe even worse," he said.

"Why is that?"

"Because...I feel shitty. I don't feel...loved. I've lost the feeling of...controlling _something_ in my life. Without these things, how am I supposed to feel secured in life?"

"Sex isn't everything, Syaoran," she said softly.

He glared at her. "What would you know?" he asked, tone filled with hatred suddenly.

Her frown deepened, feeling like they were back at square one again. "Don't do that. I thought we got past this," she said.

He scoffed. "I did too, but I was reminded what you people were about. So damn predictable."

"What did I do, Syaoran?" she asked, confusion written over her face.

"Exactly what I said you would do." He stood from the couch, running a hand through his hair frustrated.

She stood up with him, nearly grabbing his arm so he would not leave.

She knew that he would do something irrational if he left right now.

"I'm sorry, Syaoran. I don't know what I said or did that offended you so much. Please, don't leave," she pleaded, almost desperately.

She was out of line right now, but what could she do at this point?

"So, you can get more money out of me? Afraid that I'll pay you less than I did earlier?" he asked vehemently, glaring at her.

Her heart stung, eyes watering at the harsh insult.

"Stop it. You know that's not what this is about, Syaoran. You know that..." she said, grabbing his arm when she saw him move to leave.

He snatched his arm from her, glaring. "Right. And I'm a fool," he said sarcastically. "Since it's so much about the money with you people, I'm willing to give 200,000 yen for you to have sex with me."

She gasped at that, tears instantly vanishing. Anger glided through every cell in her body at the insult.

"Get out," she said calmly.

"Oh, now you want me to leave because I've caught on to your manipulative schemes," he said, laughing humorlessly.

"No, I'm telling you to leave because I am not going to take your childish behavior. Get out!" she exclaimed.

He laughed. "I don't take commands from bitches. It's the other way around," he said, swiftly moving towards her.

Her eyes widened, but before she could retaliate, he was already pressed against her, holding her body against his.

She could not enjoy this the least bit after the disrespect he gave her and all the other previous women.

She pushed against his chest hard, beating her fist against it a few times in anger. "Leave. Now," she said, breathing hard.

"Fine. Your lost," he said coldly, pushing her away, and then leaving.

The moment the door slammed shut, she fell to the couch and placed a hand over her raging heart as tears welled in her eyes.

What the hell is this man's problem?

* * *

Syaoran slammed the door shut to his car when he arrived back at his hospital.

He was angry. Furious, even.

She did exactly what he claimed she would do. He tried giving her the benefit of the doubt, and now he regretted it.

How could she fail at the test?

He clearly showed disdain of her trying to dig into his childhood to see if it had anything to do with his behavior, yet she did.

He knew that she was trying to do it the moment she gave him that sympathetic, knowing look. And then she asked. She asked how long ago was the incident.

And he lost it.

He did not even know what made him angrier. Was it that she detected the source? Or that she proved him right about his assumptions of psychologists? Possibly that she already knew and wanted his agreement to her knowledge.

Either way, he was done seeing her. He was done with the sessions and her existence. She found out all she needed to know and there was nothing else that needed to carry on between them.

It had been three weeks now. It was time for him to take back what he gave away.

He unclenched his fists, strolling into the hospital confidently. Looking around, his eyes searched for a victim who would be able to take all his pent-up frustrations right now. But none came to view because only one woman occupied his mind.

He wanted to take everything out on her as he fucked her. Was that even logically possible right now?

He hated her again. He wanted to hurt her, which he was sure he did already with the cruel insults. But he wanted her to hurt more than he did right now.

The thoughts of that woman and the psychologist's realization hurt him more than he ever thought it would. So, yes, he wanted to take these emotions out on the psychologist.

She was, in fact the one who caused them to come alive again.

He rushed to the restroom and rubbed a good one off at the thoughts of him violating her body in a way it probably never had been.

After he finished, he went on with the rest of his day, demanding more from the workers and being as mean as he used to be to any who slacked off.

* * *

Syaoran ended the call for probably the 40th time that week.

It was Wednesday, one day from the day they usually met three weeks ago. Sakura had been calling him almost four times a day for the last three weeks, but he had been ignoring her.

He was serious when he said that he was done with the sessions, but she could not take the hint.

The woman was so persistent with him that he began to wonder if she was like this with all her patients.

He was a little surprised that she was the one pushing him to get help, when it should have been the other way around. He was the mean one, disrespecting her like she was not a human.

Why should he care how she felt, though? She caused these emotions to stir in him.

He was beginning to see her as a friend to confide in when it came to his emotions. A person he could trust with his darkest secrets, but she ruined it by acting as a psychologist.

Why did she have to act like a psychologist? She knew how much he hated those people, but she still treated him like a patient when he saw her as something more.

Sighing, he sat in the chair of his office and attempted to focus on all the paperwork that had been stacking up for the last three weeks.

He lost all focus after he stopped attending the sessions, and hating Sakura. Life was hard again.

Not only was the feeling of love and control gone, something else was missing. He could not put his finger on it, though. He felt...lost? And alone, again.

He felt alone all the time. Seeing and talking to her felt like he had someone to depend on. Without her, he felt...

What did he feel?

He dropped his head in his hand, groaning.

Thinking about her was beginning to give him a headache. This was the exact reason he stopped seeing her.

She made him feel too many different emotions at once, when normally, he felt none, but one. Pain.

And he was okay with it because he deserved it.

Six weeks...

It had been six weeks without sex.

If it were up to him, he would have given into the urge with one of the other women, but his mind could not wrap itself around being inside of another woman besides one. So he resorted to the new habit he had. His hand. Except, he used it twice as much as he did before.

What the hell was he doing? When was he planning to have sex again? And who would he—

The door to his office door closed, drawing his attention away from the thoughts.

And there she stood, dressed in an a pair of jeans and casual top, stirring the lost emotions that he felt three weeks ago.

* * *

 **Ahh! I know, late update, but I had finals all last week and a bit this week. I have been working on the chapters after Monday since that was the last final. Thanks to my beta,** _theDeviantme_ **because she's been giving me extra time to write the next chapters!**

 **Anyway! Thank you guys so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I've already started writing the next chapters, so you guys won't have to wait long!**

 **Ja ne!**


	12. What Feels Right Isn't Always Right

**"What Feels Right Isn't Always Right"**

* * *

Syaoran stared at her with a questioning look on his face, waiting for an explanation. He already knew what was coming.

"Y **–"**

She held a hand up, silencing him.

"Stop. Don't talk," she demanded.

He raised a brow, leaning back in the chair, while observing her appearance.

He was a little surprised to see her dressed in a pair of skinny jeans with a casual top on.

He almost came in his pants at the sight of her legs and ass on display for him.

Although he hated being told what to do, he remained silent, curious to hear what she had to say.

She let out a sigh. "I…thought about every reason why I shouldn't come here today. And honestly, those reasons override the reason why I should be here right now."

She looked at him, almost waiting for him to speak, but he remained silent, wanting to hear more of what she had to say.

Plus, it had been so long since he heard her voice...

He missed it more than he thought he did.

"I shouldn't be here, but I couldn't stop myself anymore because I never ignore my instincts. We were finally getting somewhere, Syaoran. You were starting to get better. You weren't having sex anymore, and you were happier than you were before. You told me all of these things but the answer to one question. All it took was one question for you to throw away all that progress?" she asked, staring at him with pain-filled expression.

He heard the lock click behind her. She was trapping him.

"Answer me, Syaoran. Right now," she demanded softly.

He swallowed, nervous suddenly. "Yes."

"Yes?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"It only took one question for me to see what you were all about," he said, hands clenching into fists on his desk as he thought back on the session.

"Syaoran, whatever assumptions that you have in your head about me needs to stop right now. I want to help you. No, at this point, I feel like I _need_ to help you. This has nothing to do with the money, and it has nothing to do with me trying to get in your head. I wasn't trying to force you to tell me about your childhood." She stopped talking, walking towards his desk. "Please..." she begged.

"Please, help me. Help me help you. I want to help you as much as you want the help. You have to help me, though. I'm willing to help you however you want me to with this."

His heart beat faster, feeling overwhelmed by her confession.

His jaw clenched, eyes dropping to her body. "Okay," he said simply.

"O-okay?" she stuttered.

"Yes, but we do this my way," he said in an authoritative tone.

His eyes travelled up her body until they locked with her emerald jades.

"Sit," he commanded, motioning to the chair in front of his desk.

For a moment, it seemed like she would retort to the command because she hesitated. Instead, she sat in the chair.

"You don't talk, ask questions, or make a sound unless I tell you to. I will tell you what I want you to know, when I want you to know, and how. You don't rush me, nor do you demand anything from me. Is this understood?" he asked, staring in her eyes intensely, almost daring her to say otherwise.

He could see her throat bob, but she nodded her head silently. He closed his eyes, hiding the desire in them from her.

He felt aroused at her obedience, and could not help but feel obligated to tell her something that she wanted to know to reward her. Also, because she deserved one for coming here, reminding him that he did want help.

"Your question..." he said, taking a deep breath. He released it, unclenching his fist. "The question you asked me was incorrect."

She pressed her lips together tightly as if she were holding her tongue.

"You should have never asked that type of question. Instead, you should've asked, 'how long did that woman treat you like shit,'" he said.

His eyes fell to the rise of her chest that seemed to be breathing quickly. Was she just as aroused as he was right now?

"Ask me that," he demanded, testing to see if she would obey him.

She took her lower lip between her teeth for a second before she released it. "How long did she treat you terribly?" she asked shyly.

"That's not what I instructed you to ask me," he said, anger rising in his chest.

She swallowed, saying in a tight tone, "How long did she treat you like _shit_ , Syaoran?"

He hardened even more at the vulgar language he forced out of her.

How could he have so much control over her right now when weeks ago, she allowed him to have none? If they continued this way, he would not mind telling her everything she needed to know.

This felt much better than her controlling the way he felt, his actions, the things he said. This was how it was supposed to be to begin with.

"Because she wanted…someone else," he said. Feeling like she earned more than that response, he added, "She loved someone else before me, but she…I was the second option."

She closed her lips tightly as if she were trying to hold herself back from asking what she wanted to know.

She almost looked miserable and desperate to ask, so he decided to put her out of her misery. "Ask the question," he said.

"Did she treat you this way when you were younger?"

His jaw tightened, teeth grinding together at the question.

She was here with him, alone in his office where he fantasized about her daily, so he could control his emotions this once. For her, at least.

"Yes," he said simply.

"Was it **–**?"

"Did I tell you that you can ask another question?" he barked, glaring at her.

Her lips shut tightly together, face hardening as if she were trying not to snap back at him. Instead, she took a deep breath and shook her head stiffly.

He slouched in his chair a bit, staring at her petite figure in front of him.

She looked so sexy across from him like that, hands clasped together in her lap, feet and knees pressed together in an orderly manner.

He had never commanded a woman to do something this submissive before, but he could not help but enjoy it even more, seeing that this was the one woman he wanted the most right now.

His hands clutched into fists, mouth wanting to tell her more, but he could not think of a way to tell her everything without killing himself in the process.

He noticed he was breathing faster than normal, heart beating erratically against his chest.

Did he really have to do this? He really wanted to...but, how would he?

"I…missed you," he said without thinking. "It's been harder than normal to get through my days since I stopped talking to you."

She remained silent, almost appearing as though she is waiting for more.

"When you..." He stopped, closing his eyes. "When I assumed you knew the root of the issue, I panicked. I didn't know how to react, so I assumed the worst about you. And I...said some hurtful things that were out of line."

What was he trying to do?

He looked in her eyes, noticing them soften, looking at him with compassion.

He could tell that she was forgiving him even though he had not apologized.

Maybe he did without saying the magic words, he assumed.

"Now that you're here, I've realized that I want to keep seeing you. I want to keep talking to you about my problem, and I do want help with it," he said sincerely.

He meant every single word he just spoke, but that did not stop his body from craving her right now. He only needed one thing to quench the urge a little...

"Talk," he commanded softly.

She released a sigh. "I'm glad you've decided this then," she said softly.

His heart warmed at hearing her voice. It always soothed him a bit.

"Tell me, did you miss me too?"

"I..." She stopped, cheeks forming crimson hues.

"Answer me," he said, encouraging her to continue. "Isn't that why you're here?"

She sighed, shaking her head. "I did miss you, but that's not why I'm here. I couldn't stop thinking about you—your health. You weren't in the correct state of mind when you left. I never let a patient leave on a bad note. I'm not supposed to, but you just...stormed out. And then you didn't answer my phone calls. It wouldn't have been appropriate to send a text, but I didn't know if you were okay. I couldn't ask around or it would have just brought suspicion on about my relationship with you."

She paused, dropping her head after he caught a glimpse of her tear-filled eyes. "It's been three weeks, Syaoran. I didn't hear or see any signs from you. I thought..." she choked back a sob. "I thought something happened to you. I thought you..."

He stood from the chair, heart tightening at her broken state. He felt guilt eat at his heart for putting her through this much trouble.

He walked around the desk towards her and stooped to the ground in front of her chair, grabbing her hands between his own gently. "Of course, I wouldn't kill myself, Sakura. I may have been...I wasn't in the correct state of mind, but I would never end my own life," he said gently. He squeezed her hands a little.

She lifted her head slowly, locking her eyes with his. She forced a smile on her face, nodding her head. She squeezed his hand a little in return, and then pulled her own back from his so she could wipe her eyes.

"Alright. I don't know why that was the first thing I thought. It would have been the first thing on the news, right?" she said, shaking her head.

He leaned up and kissed her forehead lightly. "Of course. I can't get away with something like that easily," he said, smiling at her.

"I don't know...you've hidden this problem for so many years now, right?" she asked, returning the smile.

He sighed, mood killed at the mention of his fucked up life. "It wasn't always hidden..." he said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"When I first got here, I wasn't the smartest guy alive, you know? I didn't give a shit who I slept with. Remember the story I told you about the infection I got from a prostitute?"

She shuddered, but she nodded with a small smile on her face.

Her genuine expression caused his heart to feel overwhelmed with emotions at the honesty in her face.

There was no judgement when there should have been.

"Yeah, well, word got around after I slept with that prostitute because one of the women saw me leave with her. So, there was this rumor going around that I slept with anything that walked around with a cunt and tits," he said.

He almost regretted his use of words at the way she cringed at them.

"It's not a rumor if it's true, Syaoran," she said, smiling.

He glared at her softly. "The point is, the media found out. I got benefits out of it because more women were willing to give themselves to me because they knew I would fuck them, but it was a mess. Ms. Chiho was a lifesaver..."

"Ms. Chiho?" Sakura questioned.

"Yeah. Remember I told you about the single mom?"

"Oh! That's the one you were telling me about? I thought it was one of your old flings the way you were talking about her to me," she said with a giggle.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "No, no, no. Even if I tried, she would tell me no. She knows too much about me. She's just...someone I owe a lot," he said, thinking about everything the woman had done for him.

She touched his face, snapping him out of his reverie. "I'm glad you don't hate every woman you haven't slept with," she said softly.

His cheeks warmed at her soft caress. He looked in her eyes, trying to find any judgement there.

There was none.

"Can I ask a question?" she asked suddenly.

He nodded his head. "Of course. Anything," he encouraged.

"Don't get angry..." she said quietly.

"Ask the question, Sakura," he said. He hated when people beat around the bush about things.

"Did you...did she...did the two of you ever have a sexual relationship?" she asked.

He already knew who she was referring to.

His face churned in disgust. "God-forbid. I would never ever give anything to that bitch, even if I could," he said.

She released a sigh. "Okay, it's not that then," she said, almost relieved.

"What?" he asked, looking at her confused.

"Well, I thought...maybe when you were little, this woman you've been speaking about had done something along those lines to you," she said.

He scoffed. "Sakura, what do you not get along the lines that she treated me like shit? She did nothing good for me. Ever. She didn't want to bring any good to me, so why would she..." He stopped, face twisting in disgust again. "Please, don't you ever think something like that again," he said.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

He held a hand up, silencing her from speaking any further. "Your talking time is up," he said.

She sighed, closing her eyes with a frown on her face.

"To further help you understand..."

He swallowed, preparing himself mentally and emotionally to tell her this. He closed his own eyes, repeating over and over in his head how to say it with clenched fists.

 _I can do this..._

"I've known her for most of my life. And she's..."

He opened his eyes, making sure that he had not died at the overwhelming emotions of fear and pain in his chest.

He was still here, which meant he was alright.

When he looked in her eyes, there was no judgement. Only curiosity.

"Your mother?"

His jaw set tight at that. "That bitch is not my mother," he said coldly. "And I didn't give you permission to speak."

He took a deep breath, trying to get his emotions under control before he took them out on her again.

She was finally here with him again. He could not risk her presence leaving his life again.

"Look at me," he commanded when she looked down. "Now," he pressed when her eyes remained low.

She looked in his eyes, and he almost saw a glint of regret in them.

"I'm not angry with you, okay? I'm just...overwhelmed with too many emotions right now. I haven't had sex in _six_ weeks now, so I'm horny as hell. I haven't felt... _useful_ in the last three weeks you've been gone, so I feel worthless. I haven't felt the touch of a woman to know what it feels like to be wanted in six weeks, so I'm lost, and we're talking about... _that_ bitch, so understand it's not you, okay? It's never going to be you from here out, so don't take what I say personally, okay?" he tried explaining.

His walls were crumbling again. He was becoming a weak man all over for this woman again.

Why does he even feel the need to explain himself to her?

Because he wanted to, he concluded in his head. He was tired of having these mental battles with himself. It was time to let go and entrust himself with her.

She nodded, smiling at him sweetly.

He cleared his throat, eyes straying from hers bashfully.

Why did he suddenly feel nervous with her? It was not like she knew what he had just concluded.

"Come to lunch with me one day next week," he said, rather than asking.

"Syaoran, you know that I can't do that," she said in a disapproving tone.

"It can be on our Thursday next week then," he concluded.

"Syaoran—"

"We can talk sex **–** my condition. It'll be just like a session without the atmosphere of professionalism."

She frowned. "That's what we need to maintain some boundaries."

"I know your boundaries, Sakura. Even though I want to fuck you so badly right now, I've behaved myself, haven't I? I haven't made any advances on you today. Let me take you to lunch next week," he insisted softly. "I like and feel more comfortable without the professionalism. This..." he motioned to them and his office, "This feels better than your office. I feel more open to tell you more because of the comfortable atmosphere," he explained truthfully.

She sighed. "I don't normally do this..."

"I'll rent out a restaurant, just so it's just the two of us. No one will even know that we're out together," he said.

She sighed again. "One inappropriate move, statement, or thought, I will change my mind about it. I don't care if we're in the middle of our meal, I will leave," she said sternly.

A wide smile spread across his face and he grabbed her hand, kissing it gently. "I promise I will be on my best behavior, doctor," he said, winking at her.

Her cheeks turned redder than a tomato and she pulled her hand back, standing from the chair.

"I-I'm going to go. You should get back to work," she said frantically.

He smiled, watching her scramble out of the office nervously.

For the first time in three weeks, he got more work done than he had in a while.

* * *

 ** _'Should I pick you up?'_**

 ** _'Syaoran, this is not a date. We can meet at the restaurant.'_**

Syaoran frowned at that text message, typing another one.

 ** _'I never said it was a date. I just figured that it would be easier.'_**

 ** _'Well, this is not easy for me, so it will definitely not be easy for you.'_**

 ** _'Why is this not easy for you? Your sex-addict patient is eagerly trying to get your help with his problem ;)'_**

 ** _'Don't push your luck, buddy. I can still change my mind about this.'_**

 ** _'But you won't ;)'_**

He sat his phone down on the desk and filled out a few more things on the papers before his phone buzzed.

He immediately picked it up, reading the text from her.

 ** _'Syaoran_ _-_-'_**

He chuckled at the text, remembering her anger-filled face from a few weeks ago when he insulted her.

 ** _'Fine. I will send you the address to the restaurant later.'_**

 ** _'Time? Lunch isn't at 8 'o clock in the morning, wise one.'_**

His pager went off.

 ** _'12:00 sharp. I have to go. I'm being paged.'_**

Not bothering to wait for a text back, he left the office, going to the floor he was being called to.

* * *

"We can't text every day like this anymore, Syaoran," Sakura said after swallowing her food down.

"Why not? It's not like there's anything inappropriate going on," he said, watching her eat.

He was being a little creepy, but what could he say? He only gets to see her once a week, so he has to suck in everything he could while he has the chance to.

"This," she motioned between them and the setting, "is inappropriate itself, Syaoran."

"You're thinking about it too much. And you're thinking too deep about it," he said.

She took another bite out of her pasta. After she swallowed it, she shook her head.

"I'm not. Do you let your patients take you out to lunch?"

"I've never had a reason to. I don't sit and talk with them about their mental health. I fix what I can physically and send them away."

She sighed, eyes scanning the room cautiously.

"I told you, I bought the place for the next two hours. There's nothing to worry about," he said softly.

She took a deep breath and then released it. "Okay. Can we begin the session now?" she asked.

He stared at her for a moment.

"What did I say?" he asked in an authoritative tone that he knew she was becoming all too familiar with now.

She sighed. He had to force back the smile at her obedience.

"So, today we are going to talk about you," he said.

"What?" she asked confused.

"I want to know you too."

"Syaoran, this isn't a date," she said sternly.

"I know. I think you've reminded me enough over the last week," he said, holding up a hand in defense.

"Then that isn't necessary," she mumbled.

"It is. I need a friend right now," he said honestly.

"What?"

He sighed, feeling his mood drop. "I want you...to be a friend. Isn't that what you're supposed to be?" he asked softly.

She bit her lip lightly, dropping her head a little. "Why do you need a friend?"

"Because it's hard to deal with my demons alone. They've resurfaced in my head since I've talked about..." His fist clenched on top of the table. "That bitch. I've never talked about her before..." he said the last part quietly.

He felt soft fingers grab his fist, gently pulling his fingers from the palm of his hand.

"You shouldn't do that. Physically harming yourself isn't going to stop the internal pain for long," she said, smiling at him sadly.

He released a breathy sigh, nodding his head. "It's..."

"I know, it's a habit. You need to break it or it'll increase. Have you always done that?" she asked, massaging the palm of his bruised hand.

He shook his head. "I mean, when I was younger...I did a lot worse than that."

Her massaging stopped, eyes locking with his seriously. "You self-harm?"

"Past tense. It was stupid, I know, but it felt good at the time..." he said, trailing off, deep in thought about the past.

Those were the times when things were a lot worse for him, so he resorted to harming himself as punishment, believing that he deserved the pain. Overtime, he fell in love with the feeling.

"Why did it feel good?" she asked quietly, abandoning her food.

"Because..."

His heart tightened, thinking back on the traumatizing moments of every single part of his past.

"Physical pain feels better than emotional pain, you know? I know I'm supposed to say the physical pain distracts me from the emotional pain, but..." He thought about it for a moment, concluding his reasoning. "It didn't. I liked the physical pain more," he said.

He looked in her eyes, searching for any kind of judgement again.

There was none.

To break the awkward tension between them, he forced out a laugh. "You're probably thinking I'm some sick masochist, right?" he asked jokingly, but deep down inside, he feared she would say yes.

Her eyes remained lock with his as she shook her head. "Of course not, Syaoran. Don't ever think I'm judging you, okay?" she said, massaging the soreness from his palms.

A small smile crept to his lips and he gave a short nod. He swallowed the knot in his throat, shifting under the table a bit uncomfortably.

This was probably the hardest he had ever been before. He wondered what was different this time.

"I just hope that you aren't still..."

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. "Of course not. I don't know why I... I didn't even notice that I was doing it, really," he said.

"You've been doing it in every encounter that we've had," she informed him.

He hummed, picking his glass of water up with the other hand, bringing it to his lips to drink. He set it back on the table silently.

"I didn't do it before I met you, for sure."

"Have you done any surgeries since then? I know your hands have to work in the ER, right?" she asked.

"I performed surgery on your brother and sister-in-law, remember?" he asked.

"Well, yeah. I mean, you haven't had any problems? Your hands look..."

For the first time, he looked down at his hand in hers, observing it.

There were healing bruises, fresh cuts from his nails, and fresh, new purple bruises all over the palms of his hands.

They look horrible.

"Honestly, I haven't noticed. Is that normal?" he asked, curious as to what was normal about him.

"Well, I sprained my ankle and noticed the pain easily."

"Yeah, but I'm normally distracted. My thoughts are filled with..." He stopped, not wanting to ruin his chances by telling her that it was of him fucking her. "Sex and work. And... sex," he said, smiling at her.

"Really? I normally have a lot on my mind too, though," she said.

"Yeah, but not like me. What could you possibly have on your mind that would distract you from physical pain?"

"Well, I have patients that I worry about too. Apparently, they just come in with too many negative emotions, and abruptly leave with the wrong mindset." She gave him a pointed look. "And it's hard to separate your personal feelings from your professional ones. I see over 40 patients a week. They all have different problems, some worse than others, but they are still problems. Taking on the emotional stress from others, while taking on my own is hard sometimes, you know? It's not always easy, so yes, I do have things that could distract me from physical pain."

He stared at her for a moment, concluding what she said. "So…it's not normal?" he asked.

"I guess it depends, really. Do your hands hurt now?" she asked.

He thought about it for a moment and then nodded his head. "Yes, a little."

"See? It's like...when you cut yourself on accident and you don't notice. When you see the blood, you notice the cut, and the pain suddenly follows right after that," she explained.

Slowly, he nodded his head, realizing how accurate her explanation was.

"That makes a lot of sense then."

"In most cases, like mine, that was direct pain that I experienced, so of course it hurt like crazy, because I saw it first-hand. It was like my mind took a picture of it and told my ankle to hurt," she said, smiling at him.

"Do you starve yourself?" she asked suddenly.

"What?" he asked, confused by her sudden shift of conversation.

"You order food, but you never eat any of it. This is the second time that I've noticed. Also, you didn't eat at Chiharu's surprise party either."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "You sure notice a lot..."

She picked up her chopsticks and began eating her own food. "Habit, remember?"

He smiled, nodding his head while watching her eat. "I remember you telling me that a few weeks ago," he said.

"Now, are you? Or is this part of the pain you love feeling?"

"No, I'm not starving myself, Sakura." He smiled at her. "I just...find other things more interesting than eating when you're around," he said, staring at her heatedly.

She blushed, looking away to eat her food.

"Look at me," he said softly.

Slowly, she looked up at him. "Are you ready to talk now?" she asked quietly.

He sighed, already knowing what she was referring to. "Fine. Today we will talk about my family," he finalized.

Her face lit up, showing her excitement for it.

There was a fluttering sensation in the bottom of his stomach at her pleased reaction. He suddenly wanted to cooperate with her.

"I have four sisters who I don't see often. Well, I've never really been able to see them often, even as a kid."

"Are they older than you?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm the youngest out of the bunch, so you can only imagine how it was like being the only guy in the family."

She smiled at that. "What do you mean the only guy? What about your dad?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "He was around sometimes, but not as often as one should be. Also, you aren't allowed to ask questions," he said.

A cute pout formed on her lips as she took another bite out of her food.

He smiled at the adorable act, holding himself back from taking her already.

"I don't really remember much about my family. I can't recall any...bad incidents that happened between us," he said thoughtfully. "I do remember my sisters being sent off to boarding school when I was five? I think I was five."

She remained silent as he instructed, but she looked interested to hear more.

"Anyway, I was so...devastated when they left. Even though they tormented me, I was...I don't know. I was in between, maybe. One side of me was happy because all the harassment they placed upon me would be gone, but the other part was...I think it was sad. I can never remember, though."

Sakura hummed, appearing deep in thought.

"Tell me what you're thinking about," he said gently.

She shook her head. "It's nothing."

"Tell me," he pressed.

"It's nothing, Syaoran," she said a little stern.

His fists clenched under the table, growing furious with her. "Sakura," he called warningly.

"You haven't mentioned anything about your mother," she said quietly.

He swallowed, shaking his head while shrugging his shoulder nonchalantly. "Because I don't have one."

"What happened to her?"

"Does it fucking matter?"

Sakura frowned at him. "You can't demand me to tell you something, and then become upset about it."

"I can do whatever the fuck I want to do," he said in an anger-filled tone.

"Okay..." she said calmly.

His mood was sour again. Why could she not just avoid saying things that triggers him? It seems like she knew all the right things to say to hurt him.

"I do have a question, but it's on a different topic," she said.

He debated whether he wanted to hear it. He had already let her one time and she somehow ruined his mood. Why was she so good at that? And why does he keep allowing her to hurt him?

"What is it?"

"Why? What is up with this control thing you have going on here? Why are you doing this?" she asked, shaking her head in confusion.

"Because I like it better this way. There will be no surprises when I am the one controlling these sessions. There's no way for you to get into my head, control my emotions—the way I feel about certain things. It's like I have control over what I feel, think, and act. When you lead the sessions...it feels like you are taking that right from me..." he said the last part quietly.

"But I don't. Only you have control over those things, Syaoran. You shouldn't let—"

He glared at her, silencing her talking. "Well, I do. I never know what to expect...how to expect it, and..." He closed his eyes tightly, hands trembling a bit at faint memories he never wanted to think about.

He shook his head, getting rid of the thoughts. "I like having control over something—someone," he concluded, to avoid going in-depth of the past.

"Were you controlled by someone previously?" she asked almost hesitantly.

His face twisted and he shook his head. "Hell, no. Do you think I could live with myself if that were to happen?"

She smiled at him sadly. "Okay, Syaoran. I just need to understand why you're this way," she said.

"This way? What the hell do you mean by that?" he asked defensively.

She sighed. "Nothing."

"Will you fucking stop doing that? You're killing me," he said frustrated.

"I'm trying to cooperate with you," she said with a similar tone.

"How? You've said nothing to help the way I've felt today," he said, raising his voice a bit.

"Syaoran, please. I don't want to do this today..." she said softly, placing her hand over his clenching fist.

He sighed, pulling his hand away. He just wanted to tell her everything, help her understand. How was he supposed to do that?

"Look, Sakura, I—"

His pager went off, interrupting him.

He sighed, standing from the table after he placed the money on the table.

"I have to go."

He left before she could respond.

* * *

Syaoran called Sakura for the third time the next day, hoping that she would finally pick up. He was skipping out on lunch with his employees to talk with her, but she still had not returned any of his calls.

He glanced at the clock to see that it was 12:03pm. There was no way that she could be busy at this time because it was lunch hour.

It was not like he wanted to talk on the phone the entire hour, even though he would not mind, but he only needed to talk with her for a few minutes. He wanted her to know that he was not upset with her after their session at the restaurant.

He was a little afraid that she would stop talking to him because of what he told her. The words had been ringing in his ears since he left that restaurant, despite the fact that he did not even mean them.

She did make him feel better yesterday, not the opposite. He was angry when he told her that she did nothing to make him feel better. Now he was afraid that he possibly ran her away again.

He began to wonder if there were some kind of gods out there playing with his emotions.

There was a long buzzing sound on the desk that drew his attention away from the thoughts.

Immediately, he picked the phone up, looking at it.

 ** _'Sorry. I've been with patients all morning. What's up?'_**

He smiled to himself, holding on to the phone a little tightly.

She was not upset with him.

He quickly sent her a text back, **_'Can I call?'_**

It was only a minute later when his phone began to ring.

He picked it up after the first ring.

"Sakura," he said, relief washing over him.

 _"What's wrong?"_ He heard her soft voice ask over the phone.

He shook his head as if she could see him. "Nothing's wrong. I just…I wanted to make sure that we were okay," he said nervously.

She giggled on the other line softly. _"Are we not supposed to be?"_

"I was…I was rude and out of line again and I didn't know if I offended you or not."

 _"You told me not to take the things you say personally."_

He smiled, glad that she actually listened to his advice. He did not know a woman who would actually believe him when he says things like that. This was another reason why he wanted to keep seeing her.

"You're right. I still wanted to make sure. I didn't get to call sooner, or after the session because the hospital has been busy, and I had to attend a fundraising brunch yesterday a few hours after I left," he said with a sigh.

He heard her giggle over the phone again. _"I'm not very fond of socializing with people of high authority, so I pity you."_

He sighed again. "At times like those, I wish that I'm not the chief over a hospital," he said truthfully.

 _"There are the perks of being chief too, so you can't let those few boring things outshine the good."_

A smile slowly came to his face. "I guess you're right."

 _"When am I not right?"_ He could hear the playfulness in her tone.

He chuckled. "Are you busy right now?" he asked.

 _"I'm hungry,"_ she told him.

"Let's eat then. I already have my food in my office with me. Go and get yours," he suggested.

In all of his days, Syaoran had never come up with something like this on the spot before, so he was a little surprised when Sakura agreed to do it.

And that was how he spent the rest of his lunch break. Talking on the phone with her, abandoning his food on the tray.

* * *

 ** _'I'll be there in five minutes.'_**

Sakura smiled at the text, setting the phone on the desk. She could not stop the giddy feelings that she had been feeling for the past three weeks since Syaoran decided to continue seeing her.

She knew that she should not feel this way, but she was already past the feeling of guilt.

Underneath the layers of thick skin, Syaoran was a really soft person.

It had only been two weeks since the session at the restaurant, but they had seen each other more than they should have. After that Thursday, he called, semi-apologizing for his behavior, and then she ended up seeing him a few days after. He had somehow convinced her to do it, though it was almost impossible to convince her to do anything because of her stubbornness.

Syaoran was getting through to her. He was using his condition to his advantage, telling her that he needed to see her or he would have sex. She knew that he was being manipulative, but what could she do when he begged her like that? Constantly called her phone, sent multiple texts on top of texts?

She ignored most of them, but the man was so persistent that she never really had a choice. Whenever she answered the call, she could feel herself becoming more and more interested in him. And it was not in a way that she should be.

She could not figure out what was wrong with her lately. Calling him up like that because she was worried?

She worried about her patients constantly, but never did she ever worry herself near to death after Syaoran ignored her for those weeks. What was she thinking?

She acted out based on her personal emotions, rather than the professional ones.

She would never show up before at a patient's job to see if they were okay. And of all the people, Li Syaoran? One of the most admired people in the town.

She wondered how she could be so stupid, and even felt a little embarrassed because of her actions. She felt even more embarrassed at her submission just so he would keep seeing her.

It was supposed to be about the patient, but she had never allowed a patient to tell her what to say or do. As a matter of fact, she never even had a patient who did such a thing.

What **is** she doing?

The door opened before she could think of an answer to that question.

Her heart skipped a beat when a smile formed across his lips as their eyes locked.

He was in a good mood today, just as he had been since their encounter after the restaurant.

They had been getting along great and their sessions had not been getting into heated discussions. That was only because she avoided talking about the woman who somehow corrupted his view of everything in life.

Even though he talked to her about everything, he always avoided the topic of said woman. It was okay, but today would mark nine weeks since they started these sessions, so she needed to see more progress with him.

She was a little surprised that he had not had sex with anyone. She wondered how his hands still worked with all the self-pleasure he told her he had been doing.

Three times a day was already too much, but to find the time to do it every single time he became aroused was insanely bizarre. It was better than him sleeping with multiple women at a time, she reasoned.

"Syaoran," she called softly, smiling at him kindly.

"I missed you," he said, winking at her.

She blushed, heart beating against her chest rapidly. "You just saw me two days ago, Syaoran." She laughed at the pretend glare he threw her way.

She wanted to remind him that he told her that it was crazy to want to see a person so much, but she decided against it.

"So? You know how I feel around you," he said quietly.

She stood from the desk and walked over to the couch with him. "Too many different emotions at once?" she questioned.

"That doesn't necessarily mean that they're all bad," he said, sitting on the couch.

She sat beside him, keeping a distance between them that was comfortable enough for them both.

"I know. This conversation is not why you're here, though," she said, smiling at him to show that she meant no harm by it.

He sighed, leaning back on the couch. "I know, I know. You don't have to remind me," he said disappointed.

"What are we talking about today?" she asked.

"Sex," he said.

"Aren't we always?" she asked playfully.

He smiled. "I guess so. That's why I'm here, if I'm recalling correctly."

"I think we know everything we need to know about sex now."

"Oh yeah? What's the problem here, then?" he asked with a smile.

"You use sex to help you feel the lost emotions in your life. From the things you've told me over the past few weeks, I want to say that you also use it as a distraction to the negative emotions that you feel."

He nodded, smiling at her. "I can admit that some of those are true."

She glared at him playfully. "Some? What is false about that explanation, sir?"

He hummed, appearing deep in thought. The concentrated facial expression disappeared soon, replaced with a smile.

"You're right. I just never noticed it that way," he said.

"And that's why I'm here. I'm supposed to help you realize the issue behind your actions."

"You're a doing a hell of a job then," he praised.

A blush spread across her cheeks as she looked down at her hands bashfully in her lap. "Since I'm right, _master_ ," she said playfully. "Can you reward me?"

She was taking it a bit far, but it was always too easy to be herself around him.

There was a mischievous glint in his eyes at the use of words as he turned them on her.

He gave her a heated look, eyes raking over her body slowly.

Her skin tingled under his gaze and she had to hold back a satisfying sound that would let him know that his heated gaze was having an effect on her.

"What kind of reward do you have in mind?" he asked in a sultry voice.

Her insides stirred at his tone, body growing hot.

She ignored all of this.

"I want to know more about the woman," she said.

The heated gaze instantly vanished from his face, replacing it with a hard stare.

She almost regretted asking the question, but she stood her ground.

There would be no distractions today with side conversation. Things needed to speed up a bit.

His jaw clenched, eyes straying away from hers. "What would you like to know?" he asked tightly.

"You're the boss. It's whatever you want, remember?" she asked to make things better for him.

She knew that it would not be easy for him, but if she pushed him a little further today, she could get the answers she desired.

She could see his throat bob from swallowing. "She...she...she...she..." His breathing began to grow uneven, head shaking. "I-I don't know, Sakura. I don't know what to tell you," he said truthfully.

She did not want to be forceful with him, especially since he pressed on the issue that he needed to feel like he was in control of the sessions, her actions, and words. What choice does she have at this point though? She wanted to put his thinking to rest for a bit.

"What is she to you?" she asked.

His fists clenched at the question tightly, eyes glaring at her.

He was trying to hurt himself again.

"Of all the things, why would you ask that?" he asked tightly.

Her heart broke at his facial expression.

She really wanted to know who this woman was to him. Every time she asked this, he would become cold, distant, and mean. The woman must have been someone important to him. But what? What could she possible be?

"I'm sorry, but I—"

Her body was forcefully slammed into the couch under her. She opened her eyes, looking up into his as his body hovered over hers, holding her in place. The way his body pressed into hers lit her on fire, loving every bit of it. But it was wrong.

As if her body knew this, her small fists punched into his chest repeatedly as she tried to push him off her.

She immediately knew what he was trying to do.

He had come so far at this point, but he was trying to break the streak of no sex.

She felt his warm hand rest on her covered thigh, lighting the skin underneath her pants on fire.

Her eyes shot opened at the stir it caused in her loins. "Stop it, Syaoran!" she yelled, looking in his dark, unfocused eyes.

He was out of it — in one of his sex-crazed zones.

If she were being honest with herself, she does not know if she was more scared that she would give in to his advances, or at the fact that he would allow the urge to control him again just so it could distract him from his emotions.

"Syaoran," she called as her fists continued to slam against his hard chest.

She pushed with all her strength to snap him out of the trance. "It's already been twelve long, tortuous weeks of nothing but my hand...and you're making me talk about _that_ ," he said weakly.

He took a hold of her small fists and pinned them down to the couch.

"You can't use sex to help you cope with your emotions. Stop it!" she said, fear seeping in at the thought that he would.

She looked up to see his eyes shut tightly. When they opened, her heart nearly shattered into pieces at the glistening spark in them.

"Please, Sakura. Just... _please_ ," he begged, leaning down to brush his lips against her cheek.

This only added fuel to the fire in her body as a red blush spread across her skin.

It had been so long since she did this...felt this desired by a man.

But just because she has not engaged in sex for a long time, does not mean that she should jump at every given opportunity that was presented to her.

She wanted him too, but there was no possible way that it could work between them.

He was her patient, for crying out loud! These thoughts alone were wrong.

She struggled under him, eyes closed tightly so she does not have to look at the tears of pain, grief, and longing for love in his eyes.

She could not sympathize with him right now. Feeling sorry for him would just get her into trouble. Plus, he needed her more than ever now.

She felt his lips begin to drag down her face slowly, making every inch of her skin tingle.

"Stop it, **_Xiao Lang_**!" she yelled angrily. And the trance was broken.

He looked in her emerald eyes that were staring at him surprised by her actions.

Almost immediately, her hands were dropped from his iron grip and his body abandoned hers.

On shaky arms, she lifted herself from the couch and scooted away from him. Every movement felt like needles were being pricked into her skin from the guilt.

He turned to her. "Sakura, I..."

He reached for her, but she automatically flinched back from his hand.

From the expression on his face, she knew that she broke the remaining pieces of his heart.

"I... I'm sorry. I don't know why...I don't know what happened."

A single droplet rolled down his cheek, surprising her almost as much as it surprised him from the expression on his face.

"Syao—" She stopped, at a loss for words at the sight.

He reached up and touched the wet trail on his cheek, freezing at the wet feeling.

"Syaoran—"

"I have to go," he said, abruptly standing from the couch.

Before she could speak, he rushed out of the building.

"Oh," she sobbed, feeling guilty for her stupid reactions.

She could only imagine how he felt right now. She had a front row seat when he announced his fears of those emotions at that name, at the rejection; yet she was the one person who made him feel those things.

* * *

Syaoran had not bothered to go back to the hospital because he was not in the right state of mind. He felt vulnerable right now, weak to the point where he could barely find the strength to breathe.

This was not who he was supposed to be anymore. But she had done it. She had used that tone of voice with him, just as that woman had. She used that name that she knew he hated with a passion. She blatantly and purposely hurt him.

How could he get mad at her, though? He deserved it. In fact, he deserved much more than this pain because he felt that he was the definition of shit, and possibly more.

"Barcadi," he said to the bartender who looked at him expectantly.

The man behind the counter nodded and turned to fix his drink. It was still day out, but what shits did he give? He wanted everything to end. The pain, the sorrow, but most of all, his life.

He could already barely breathe, so what was the point of living with this heavy weight on his chest? His heart was broken, preventing him from doing anything more than barely breathing.

All his life, he liked to believe that his heart drove every motive. His actions, words, and thoughts. And now, it was broken. What was the point of living?

"Here you go, sir," the bartender said, sliding the glass of alcohol towards him.

Syaoran gladly picked it up, bringing it to his lips. Before the glass could meet them, a familiar, soft hand grabbed his arm, pushing it down to the table, stopping him from drinking it.

He did not bother to turn around and look at the person, fearing that the annoying, salty liquid would form in his eyes again.

He knew that he crossed the line, but it was never intentionally. His desire for her increased, and she was there, forcing him to talk about his past.

Then she used that tone...with that name that she knew he despised with all his heart.

It was cruel to try and seduce her, but she had been just as cruel, using his weakness against him to her advantage.

"Syaoran," she called softly behind him.

He ignored her, keeping his back turned to her.

She removed her hand from his arm. "I'm sorry..." she whispered brokenly, close to his ear.

He shivered, hardening in his pants at her hot breath against his skin.

He wanted to turn around and tell her that it was okay, but the sting in his heart reminded him that he must not forgive her so soon or she would feel okay to do this again to him.

He tried to reason with the voice, but it was impossible for him to.

One motion.

One motion was all it took to wash away the hesitancy to forgive her because the moment he felt her arms wrap around him, he forgot his aching heart.

The pain and sorrows disappeared when he felt her soft breasts press against his back as he sat frozen on the stool.

"You don't want to do this **–** alcohol. Just don't," she whispered in his ear.

His eyes drifted shut on their own, enjoying the sensation of her breath against his skin.

Not able to speak, his head gave a slight nod.

He gently grabbed her arms around him, loosening them so he could turn around towards her on the stool. When they locked eyes, there was a silent agreement between them. He took the opportunity and wrapped his arms around her gently.

Feeling her arms wrap around him, he held onto her tighter, resting his head on her soft breasts as she rested between his parted legs.

"I'm sorry," he heard her murmur over and over in his hair.

Her slim fingers slid into his soft, chestnut hair, caressing it lightly.

This was better than anything he ever felt before.

It was probably the most loved that he ever felt in his entire life, all from a simple hug.

A hug from a psychologist, the fake, greedy, manipulative people.

Her body pressed firmly against his, fingers tangled in his messy manes, and arms wrapped around him tightly, diminished those false assumptions about her.

She was different from the rest. Different from any other person in his life.

Realizing this only scared the living day lights out of him, so he pulled away from the hug regretfully.

His eyes met hers after locking on her lips.

She lifted her hand, caressing his cheek. He noticed it wet again.

"Come on," she said.

Her hand slid down his arm, creating a tingling trail behind it. They landed in his own. She pulled on his hand, making him stand from the stool.

He watched her dig into her bag, bringing out her wallet to place money on the counter.

She tugged on his hand, encouraging him to follow her, which he did.

Once outside the bar, she turned to him. "Did you drink anything else before I arrived?"

He nodded his head slightly before deciding to test out his vocal chords. "Just one shot," he said, a lot quieter than he anticipated.

She sighed and looked around. "I can't drive you home. Are you going to be alright?" she asked, ducking down a little to look at his face.

"Yes."

"You know what, I'll call a cab for you," she said, reaching in her bag to grab out her phone.

He gently grabbed her arm, stopping her. "I'm fine, I can drive home," he said.

"That's so irresponsible of you," she scolded softly.

"I'm fine," he said and turned to leave.

He was fine. Why is she treating him like a baby? It made him uncomfortable.

He heard her groan behind him. "Stop, stop, stop. I'll take you home," she said, catching up to him.

He looked at her wide-eyed. "It's...fine," he said slowly.

"It's not. If something happens to you, I'll feel like I'm the one to blame," she said.

He stared at her for a moment, trying to make sense of her decisions right now. He knew that she was only doing it out of the kindness of her heart, but he does not deserve this treatment from her. Especially with the way he has treated her from the beginning.

He had repeatedly disrespected her when she only showed compassion to him. There was no way he could allow her to treat him this way.

"I'll be fine," he said, walking ahead of her.

"Syaoran," she called softly, causing him to halt in his tracks.

"Let me do this, okay? As an apology for my inappropriate behavior."

His heart sank at that. What did she mean by that? It was he who had been inappropriate this entire time.

In mere seconds, he was at her side, gently grabbing her face, forcing her to look him in the eyes.

"I should be the one apologizing," he said softly. "I'm sorry..."

She grabbed his hand from her face and smiled. "Well, I'm still not letting you drive with any alcohol in your system," she said, giving him a pointed look. "I'm not taking no for an answer, mister."

He sighed, giving in because she was right.

That was the last thing he needed to happen. He could almost see it in bold letters. **'Li Syaoran has been in an accident under the influence of alcohol.'**

Her smile widened as she grabbed his hand.

He groaned in annoyance at her happiness of the little control he had given her.

She dragged him to the car and he slipped in the passenger's side, buckling up. She opened the door on the driver's side, getting inside. She turned to him patiently.

He told her the directions to his place until she had everything memorized.

She cranked the car up, only making all the nerves in his body panic.

She would only take him home and leave.

Take him home and leave, he chanted over and over in his head.

When they arrived at his apartment ten torturous minutes later, he got out of the car after thanking her.

To his surprise, she got out of the car as well.

"I want to make sure you get in safe," she said, smiling at him sadly.

He sighed, feeling guilty that she still felt bad about her slip up.

He nodded, allowing her to do whatever she needed to do to wash away the guilt.

He could not stand the thought of her feeling bad for something that he did to himself.

They walked up the flight of stairs to his room. When they reached the top, he turned to her and gave a small smile. "Thank you, and..." He paused, brows scrunched together. "I wanted to apologize about earlier. I had no business trying to..." His cheeks warmed in shame and embarrassment.

"It's fine. I'm proud of you. It's been twelve weeks – three months," she said, giving him an encouraging smile.

"You're right," he said with a sigh.

Silence followed that, creating an uncomfortable tension between them.

Sakura cleared her throat. "Well, how about you give me a call tomorrow when you have to go into work, and I'll pick you up so you could get your car," she offered.

He sighed, shaking his head. "I can't let you do that."

"I'm insisting," she pressed.

"Okay, but this is the last time you're extending a helping hand to me," he said.

Unconsciously, he hardened at how dirty it sounded even though that was not the intention.

Giggling, she shook her head. "Alright, Syaoran. I'll see you later."

She turned to leave.

Without thinking, his hand shot out to grab her arm, stopping her.

"Sakura," he called.

Turning to him, her head tilted to the side slightly, eyes silently asking what he needed.

"I... can I..." he stuttered nervously.

What was he even trying to ask?

Eyes taking in her innocent, beautiful face, he knew exactly what it was.

Without any trace of hesitation, he gently pulled her to him, closing the gap between their bodies, and then their lips.

When he felt her relax in his arms, everything else was forgotten.

* * *

 **This chapter turned out a lot longer than I expected it to be, but what are your thoughts on it? I know I ended it on a cliffhanger, but lets ignore that for now :P. I just have to do add a bit more to the next chapter, but it's already done!**

 **Anyway, as always, thanks to my beta,** theDeviantme **! She's the one who has to read the rough side of the story :P. Also, thank you guys for reviewing too! Reviews are what keeps an author motivated :).**

 **Just to keep you on the tip of your toes even more, the next chapter does reveal who the 'her' is in Syaoran's life ^_^.**

 **Don't forget to drop a review!**

 **Ja ne!**


	13. When Sex Means a Little More

**"When Sex Means a Little More"**

* * *

Syaoran was gentle and soft with the kiss, taking it slow as his lips caressed hers.

He was surprised when her lips responded to his in the process without any hesitations. They were so full and soft. They were perfect. They _fit_ perfect against his that it all seemed a bit unreal.

He wrapped his arms around her small waist, pulling her body against his gently while he took her lower lip between his, sucking gently.

Their lips caressed and pulled against each other with a soft and gentleness that Syaoran never knew he possessed. He almost liked it as much as the kisses he would normally initiate. But it may have been because these were Sakura's lips.

When they could barely breathe, they pulled their lips apart. They stared in each other's eyes, taking shaky, shallow breaths as their bodies remained meshed together.

He dropped his arms from her waist shakily, feeling his body burn with desire to have her already.

When her hands slid up his arms slowly, causing the hairs on his body to rise as his manhood tightened in his pants, he lost it.

He gently grabbed her head in his hands and pulled her into another kiss, except hot and passionate this time.

His fingers slid to the back of her hair, grabbing a hold of the locks firmly, as his other hand dropped to the small of her back. He pulled her body against his tightly, sucking on her lip a little harder before he swiped his tongue across her lip.

As soon as her mouth opened submissively, but almost hesitantly, his tongue slid between her parted lips, exploring.

Something in the back of his head nagged at him to stop, but the way her tongue responded to his so willingly drowned out the annoying buzz.

He maneuvered their way to the door of his apartment, keeping their tongues tangled in a battle that he was sure to win. He pressed her body into the door with his own, pressing his lips against hers as hard. He removed his hand from her hair, reaching behind in his pocket for the key.

When he found it, he was sure to keep her lips occupied with his own while unlocking the door behind her. He held on to her body before he opened the door so she would not stumble back into the apartment. He closed the door behind him, not bothering to lock it.

For a moment, he kept them at the front door passionately kissing like it would be their last time, until he wanted more. His hands dropped to her rear end, grabbing it firmly.

She released a moan at the sudden act, but he swallowed it with his lips on hers pressed tightly.

She pulled her lips back from the kiss to catch her breath, but he closed the gap between their lips immediately, in fear that she would stop this.

He was afraid that he would not be able to stop himself anymore now that he got a taste of her. He has been wanting this for so long, and for her to stop it would probably crush him.

He hitched her body up, wrapping her slender legs around his waist.

Her legs automatically tightened around him and he took that as his cue to lead them to his bedroom.

The moment he gently placed her on the edge of the bed and looked down at her flushed face, he was sure that he would stop at nothing. Unless she begged him to.

He pushed her to lie back on the bed, locking his lips with hers again in a short, passionate kiss, but she placed her hands on his chest, stopping him.

His heart nearly stopped beating at the act.

"S-Syaoran—"

"No, Sakura. Don't say it, don't tell me to stop," he softly commanded, pushing her further up on the bed so he could climb on top of her.

He placed a kiss on her forehead, travelling down to her lips again so he could kiss her hard.

She only responded back half-heartedly before she pulled back again. "Th-this is wrong—"

"But it _feels_ right," he said, filling the space between their lips again.

"Lie and tell me that it doesn't," he said after pulling back from the kiss, staring in her eyes intensely.

A blush crept to her cheeks and he could no longer hold himself back. He began to place kisses on her ear gently, licking the outline of it seductively.

She moaned softly, placing her hands on his chest again. "Y-you're drunk though—you're not in the correct state of mind right now," she rambled what seemed to be a way of convincing herself that she should not do this.

"I'm not. I am fully aware that there's this...beautiful, _sexy_ woman under me, in _my_ bed, wanting this just as much as I do," he whispered in her ear huskily.

Before she could respond, he took her earlobe between his teeth and bit it a little hard, eliciting a sound of pleasure from her. Or pain. He enjoyed either one, regardless.

"You want this, Sakura," he told her.

"W-we shouldn't be doing this," she said.

"One more time. Let me do this, this last time, and I'll stop," he said, believing that he meant it. It had been _twelve_ weeks since he did this.

He licked the outline of her ear when she said nothing. "Tell me you want this, Sakura," he said in her ear.

Her eyes closed, face appearing deep in thought as her hands rest on his chest now, rather than pushing.

"D-Dr. Li, this is extremely inappropriate for our current situation," she stuttered as Syaoran nibbled gently on her ear.

"This will be the last time I do this, and I'll stop, remember?"

He kissed her in a spot that he knew every woman loved, and from the way she responded, he knew that he had her right where he wanted her.

Her body relaxed under him, hands sliding up to his shoulders.

He felt a little bad, convincing her to do this. She had not called him doctor since the beginning of their encounters, so he knew that she was trying to convince herself not to do this; that he was a doctor, which would remind her that she was _his_ doctor. He had crushed that thought immediately though, which made him feel a little guilty. However, his desire to have her overrode that feeling.

He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for this. He had wanted this for almost three months now, and he was finally getting it. How should he feel about this?

Forgetting all his fears for the moment, he began to slowly kiss down to her neck, licking a few areas that were sensitive.

His lips stopped at the collar of her shirt. With trembling hands, he lifted them to the top of her shirt and began to slowly unbutton each button at a time.

Why was he so nervous?

That question was answered the moment he caught glimpse of a pink, lacy bra under her blouse and he almost came in his pants.

Has he always been this weak?

To distract his mind from vulgar thoughts, he buried his face between her neck and began to suck on the curve where it met her shoulder, hard.

His fingers began to unbutton the shirt quicker now, anticipating to see more of her body.

He pulled her body up, almost ripping the blouse from her body, tearing the last two buttons he had forgotten to unbutton on it.

His lips found hers again in another breathtaking kiss, swallowing each moan that left her mouth. His hands glided up her creamy skin roughly, capturing her right covered breast with his hand firmly.

She turned her head to the side to take a breath as she let out a soft moan, but his other hand moved to her hair, grabbing it tightly to turn her head towards his again so he could capture her lips with his again. He could not stop himself anymore, and the way her lips felt against his made him feel like he needed them to breathe, as ironic as it sounded.

He squeezed her breast again, but gently this time as he slid his tongue past her parted lips, tangling his tongue with hers. He released her hair from the tight grip to feel around her back for the hook of her bra. He unclasped it with ease, releasing the mounds from their confinement.

He pulled back from her lips, staring in her eyes hungrily.

"Tell me. Say you want this—want _me_ ," he demanded, lifting both hands to her breasts, squeezing.

She moaned, eyes closing tightly at the sensation he brought to her body. "I—"

She moaned again when his lips began traveling down her face to her neck again. His fingers stopped squeezing, and moved down to her hard nipples, gently pinching them.

"Tell me, Sakura. Say it, or I'll stop," he whispered against her soft skin in the quiet room.

"I do," she said weakly.

His tongue licked further down to her shoulder, and he placed a firm kiss on it before he sucked on it hard, purposely leaving a mark.

His lips moved back to the side of her lower neck and sucked hard, leaving a third mark on her neck.

"You do what, Sakura? Tell me what you want," he said, pinching her nipple harder.

She yelped, causing a smirk to form across his lips against her skin.

"I...I want you," she said breathlessly.

And that was all he needed to hear. Those magical words that set his body on fire, heart racing in a marathon.

He kissed the mark on her neck gently, and dragged his lips further down her body.

He pulled back so he could finally take a glance at her beautiful body.

His eyes immediately landed on her chest. Her pink nipples were taut, begging him to take them between his lips, but he held himself back, just as the jeans were holding his painful erection down.

He let his eyes rake over her exposed skin, noticing how small and petite she is.

He almost regretted the thoughts of his desire to devour her, but what was he to say?

He got a rise out of devouring women.

His eyes stopped at the top of her pants and he had the sudden urge to rip them off.

He felt a soft hand caress his face, snapping him out of his animalistic thoughts.

He looked in her eyes, smiling hesitantly before he began kissing down her body slowly again until he finally came in contact with the swell of her chest.

He kissed between her breasts, moving his lips over to her left breast. Kissing around it, he purposely avoided the pink pebble, teasing her just as she had been doing to him these last few months.

When he felt that she had enough, he took the nipple between his lips and sucked on it gently while rolling his tongue around it.

She moaned, and he looked up to see her eyes closed tightly with her pink lips slightly parted.

He moved his hand up to the other breast and pinched her nipple, studying her facial expressions, almost engraving the look in his brain.

His tongue circled her nipple teasingly, his fingers mimicking his tongue. He was almost high on the sounds that escaped her mouth the more he touched her. He even forgot about his own painful erection due to the pleasure that he got out of giving to her.

What the hell was he becoming? What was she doing to him?

This is not...him. This is...

He began to grow mentally frustrated with all the thinking of her destroying what he created over the years. He was having this mental battle because of her. She was the cause of his insanity.

He bit her nipple hard, pinching the other just as hard.

She almost squealed, but she suppressed it.

He licked it to soothe the small pain that he knew he caused, feeling guilty, but aroused all the same. He briefly wondered how a person could make someone feel negative and positive emotions at the same time.

He pulled back from her breast, moving his face back to hers. His finger kept a hold of her taut nipple. He gently placed a brief kiss on her lips and then pulled back.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you at any point, okay?" His fingers played with her nipple as he spoke.

His fingers switched over to the wet one his mouth had just finished assaulting. He pinched it gently at first, but harder the second time, causing her to moan.

"Answer me, Sakura," he commanded sternly.

She nodded vigorously, and then pulled his head down towards her lips.

He pulled back with a smirk on his lips. "Good. At any point..." He stopped, hesitating to say the next thing in fear of her actually doing it. His fingers stopped the twisting, eyes staring into hers seriously.

"If you want me to stop, you tell me, okay? I don't want to hurt you," he said sincerely.

She smiled, nodding her head. "Okay, Syaoran," she said softly.

And that was all he needed to hear for him to continue where he left off – her breasts.

After he finished giving them the equal amount of attention, he moved his fingers down to her pants.

She rested her hands on the hem of his shirt, pulling it up slowly.

He reflexively grabbed her wrist tightly, abandoning the task at hand of getting in her pants.

He stared at her hard for a moment. "I didn't give you permission to take my clothes off," he said stiffly.

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. She looked a little surprised.

"Did I?" he questioned, pushing her wrist down into the mattress.

When she winced, he loosened his grip a little.

She bit her lip, shaking her head slowly.

"Then you shouldn't be trying to," he said, kissing her nose softly.

A pout formed on her lips, and he smiled, using his fingers to unbutton her pants while looking in her eyes. "Take my shirt off, Sakura," he said, closing the gap between their lips.

She smiled against his lips, sliding her hands down his body to the hem of his shirt.

Their lips pulled apart briefly so she could pull the material over his head.

Once his fingers got her pants undone, he began to pull them down slowly.

He saw the pink lace panties and had the urge to yank them down with the pants, but he held himself together.

He wanted to take his time with her. She deserved to feel the best after the way he had been treating her lately.

He grabbed her knees, spreading them for him to rest between them. He leaned down and kissed her knee gently, dragging his lips down her legs, and then back up them until he ended in the same place he started. He began to lick up her thighs slowly, eyes locking with hers.

When his tongue reached between her thighs, he stopped, being sure to keep her within his heated stare.

Her breath hitched, face flustered at the look in his eyes.

He spread her knees further apart, and scooted to the bottom of the bed to rest between her legs.

He used his index finger to trace the lines of her panties, being rewarded with a shudder and a stifled moan from her.

Wanting to put her out of her misery, he slid his finger underneath the side of her panties, not surprised to feel how wet she had become.

He kissed her over the panties gently; becoming intoxicated with the smell of this woman's arousal for him. The same woman who had denied him for months, was aroused by him right now.

He kissed her over the panties again, and then stroked her with his tongue hard. Her hips bucked towards his face involuntarily and he chuckled.

He slid his fingers between her slit a few times, coating his fingers with her arousal before he had enough of torturing himself.

He pulled her panties down, carelessly throwing them off the bed. He moved back down between her legs, observing her bare flesh.

He briefly wondered if she always kept herself clean-shaven down here, or if she expected this today.

He decided to go with the former, considering how adamant she was about this not happening.

He could feel his heart leap at the thought, excited that it was really happening.

He got rid of the thoughts for now, leaning down to taste her with his tongue.

His eyes closed when her fingers slid through his hair, gripping it a little tightly. A woman's fingers never felt this good in his hair before. He held back the smile that wanted to play at his lips, concentrating on the way she taste more than anything else.

He licked from top to bottom a few times before he decided to focus on the nerve that would send her over the edge. He repeatedly lapped at it with his tongue, hard and fast, then soft and slow, or slow and hard, confusing her body.

"Syaoran!"

He stopped the moment her body stiffened underneath him, and he could have sworn that he just came in his pants at the sound of her voice shouting his name like that.

She bolted upright in the bed, glaring at him heatedly.

He had to suppress the smirk that begged to form on his lips at her behavior. There was always something about her temper that gets him.

He kissed the side of her thighs a few times, using his hands to gently push her back on the bed to relax.

He had been a bit cruel, he admitted to himself, but he just wanted to remind her that he was still in control here.

He moved his hand up to slide a finger inside her and leaned down, continuing the torturous ability of his tongue on her.

This time, his two fingers never stopped thrusting, and his tongue never stopped licking until she was pushed over the edge.

When she came down from her high, she released his hair. He lifted himself off the bed and crawled up to her. He removed his fingers from inside her, bringing them to his lips to lick them clean.

When he opened his eyes, he saw her staring at him flustered. He smirked, leaning down to kiss her neck. He was not sure how she would feel tasting herself on his lips. He would never understand why she would not want to. She tasted amazing, or maybe he just believed this because it was her.

He kissed her neck over and over again. He could not get enough of her creamy skin against his lips.

He noticed the rise and fall of her chest finally beginning to slow down, becoming even again.

"I'm not finished with you yet," he said, noticing her eyes grow droopy.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down in a slow, soft kiss.

The softness of her lips caressing against his lips caused a familiar stir to rise in his body again as it had earlier.

He pulled back, dropping his hands to his pants. He unbuckled, unzipped, and slid them down quickly.

He groaned out loud at the sticky substance he saw and felt on his thighs. He did come all over himself like a teenaged boy at the way she screamed his name.

 _Great..._

Sakura touched his face, stealing his attention from the mess. She smiled at him. "It's okay..." she said softly, pulling him down for another kiss.

His heart and face warmed at her recognition of the mess he made. Why did it matter though? This was his home, his mattress, and he was still hard for her.

It did not matter.

He responded to her kiss while kicking his boxers off after he pulled them down. He grabbed the head of his member, positioning it over her.

"W-wait," she stopped him nervously.

He looked at her, holding himself back from being buried deep inside her finally. "What is it?" he asked.

"P-protection," she stuttered.

"What?" he asked confused.

"A condom— for safety," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I told you, I'm clean, remember?" he asked.

"Y-yes, but—"

"You don't trust me?" he asked, a little frustrated.

"It's not that—"

"What the hell is it? Sakura, I can't—there's no way I can— _please_? I want to feel you. _All_ of you," he said desperate, frustrated, and aroused all the same.

"Syaoran—"

He cut her off with his lips gently, but he deepened the kiss immediately, praying to anything that she would forget about a barrier between them.

He positioned himself over her again, but she rested her hand on his chest, stopping him.

"Damn it, Sakura," he said aggravated, reaching over to the night stand by his bed to grab out a condom.

She leaned up and kissed his chest where his heart is located, and he forgot about his frustrations.

He slid the condom on too fast for his own good, anticipating the moment he would be inside her.

This was it. The moment he had been waiting for.

Was he to go fast and hard? Slow and passionate? Hard and slow? Or all of the above?

He had never made love before—

Made love?

What the hell was he getting himself into?

He pushed himself inside of her slowly, locking his lips with hers when she gasped at the length and width of his member. He gasped along with her at how tight she was around him.

"Fuck," he said in a restrained tone, forcing himself to be still.

He did not get 'biggest dick in the world,' reward, but he was way above average.

He remained still even though it was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. Though he was willing to try at the way her face contorted in pain. He froze at that thought.

He grabbed her face gently, forcing her to look at him. "Are you a virgin?" he asked, hands trembling on her face.

She smiled at him and pushed her hips against his.

He groaned loudly, burying his face in her neck at the feeling of her walls clamping down on him like a second coat of skin. He grabbed her hips firmly, holding on to her tightly.

"Answer me, Sakura," he demanded, fingers digging deeper into her flesh to hold himself back.

"I'm not, Syaoran," she said softly, wrapping her hands around his back.

And that was all he needed to hear for his hips to begin driving into hers repeatedly, almost uncontrolled.

He swore under his breath a few times before he sucked on her neck hard, holding himself back from letting her know how good this felt for him—how good _she_ , alone, made him feel.

He could distinctly hear her moans in his lust-filled trance as he slid his penis inside her repeatedly, hard and fast.

He wanted to stop and take it slow as he continuously reminded himself earlier, but the way she cried out in pleasure, prevented him from doing so. Her walls holding on to him like its life depended on him, stopped him; and the way her nails pierced into his skin, made it impossible.

He had never felt this much intensity while having sex before, but it was different now. Everything is with her. She made him feel wanted, needed, and possibly more.

His thrusting sped up, hips meeting hers faster and harder than he had ever taken a woman before. He could even hear their wet skin slapping against each other.

"Sakura, I..." he tried speaking, but there is no coherent sentence he could form at the way he feels right now while pounding into her like this.

Her hips met his as much as possible, nails digging deeper into the flesh of his back, but soon she stiffened under him, releasing a cry of his name.

Seeing the way her body and face reacted to him and feeling her come undone around him, sent him over the edge with her.

" _Fuck_." He let out a loud groan, riding out the rest of his orgasm.

Neither of them spoke or moved for a while, trying to catch their breaths as they panted.

Sakura was the first to shift under him, showing her discomfort of the weight he was putting on her.

He pulled himself out of her, resting on the bed beside her. Taking a deep breath, he prayed once again that she could not hear his pounding heart.

She made a move to get up on the bed, but he grabbed her weakly. "Don't," he said softly through shallow breaths. "You can't leave. Not after...just don't."

His eyes were growing heavy with tiredness, but he would not fall asleep until she agreed to stay with him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Syaoran," she said softly.

He could hear the honesty in her voice, so he smiled. He pulled her towards him, holding her naked, sweaty body against his.

While he felt this way, he knew that it was the perfect opportunity to tell her. He was ready to get it over with so they could move past this part of his past.

He took a deep breath, and then released it. "The woman that I have been speaking about… is the one who gave birth to me."

Not wanting to hear her response, he closed his eyes, allowing sleep to overtake his body.

* * *

His eyes fluttered open slowly, darkness slapping him in the face.

The first thing that came to his mind was the woman he had just had mind-blowing sex with.

He smiled, reaching beside him to feel for her body, but he found nothing. He sat up on the bed immediately, feeling hurt and betrayed.

"Sakura?"

"I'm right here," she said.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room, thanks to the moon shining through his window, offering a little light. He saw her sitting on the opposite side of the bed, her back resting against the headboard.

"God, don't do that. I thought you left because of..." He stopped, shaking his head. "Come here," he said.

She moved closer to him, keeping her back against the headboard.

His hands slid underneath the hem of her blouse, caressing her flat stomach. "Why are you all dressed?" he asked.

She remained silent, keeping her hands to herself.

"Come on, Sakura, answer me. I wasn't that bad...was I?" he asked hesitantly.

What was he doing? Asking, even? He never ask this kind of stuff. He was always good in bed, so it was never something he had to ask.

"It's not that, really. It's...that I enjoyed it," she said quietly. "It was wrong, we shouldn't have—"

He sat up on the bed, allowing the covers to fall to his waist, exposing his naked torso. He kissed her lips, but it was only brief because he pulled back seconds later.

"You're thinking too much about it. You have nothing to worry about," he assured her, already knowing what she had in mind about this.

"I do, though. If someone finds out about this, I could—"

"No one's going to find out. Now lie down," he said, sliding his hands further up her shirt.

She shivered, moving away from him. "No, Syaoran. We can't do this again."

"Do what again?"

"This," she said, motioning between them.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes, but—"

"Do you regret it?"

"No, but—"

"Then stop worrying about it." He pulled her to his body, holding her tightly.

She struggled against his grip, so he released her with a frown.

"What's the problem?" he asked, voice rising in irritation.

"This is the problem," she said, attempting to stand from the bed, but he grabbed her, stopping her.

"This is not the problem. Why did you stay after?"

"To tell you that..." She stopped, appearing deep in thought about it.

"My point exactly. Now, lie down, and rest. It's late." He looked at the clock to see that it was 20:46.

"Okay, maybe not so late, but we have work in the morning. You need rest, and I surely need it. Let's sleep," he said.

"Syaoran, I have to go," she said stiffly.

"Why? You have to get me to my car, remember?" he asked.

She sighed, running her hand through her hair, frustrated.

He grabbed her hand, forcing her attention on him. "What are you thinking about?"

"The bartender. What if he saw you get in my car? He saw us leaving together, so he'll know what happened. And he could be the one who turns me in. And then I'll—"

His lips captured hers in yet another gentle kiss, silencing her.

Her eyes drifted shut, and she relaxed against him.

"I promise you that no one will know about this, okay? Trust me."

She stared at him for a moment with hesitation, but it soon disappeared after she saw the honesty in his eyes. She nodded, smiling at him hesitantly.

"Now come here," he demanded softly, pulling her towards him.

He placed her under him again, and forgot about the thoughts of letting them rest.

He did not let her catch her breath for more than 10 minutes that night, taking her each time he felt the urge to. She had made him wait for this long, so he thought to take advantage of it.

Eventually, he fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next morning, he woke up to the feeling of soft fingers in his hair, rubbing and caressing him.

He smiled, already familiar with the woman whose lap was occupied by his head.

He sat up from her lap, eyes locking on her slightly wet thighs from the heat of his body.

He licked his lips seductively, but she pulled the covers up her legs. Looking at her face, he saw a small smile playing at her lips.

"I was enjoying that, missy," he said.

"Yeah, well, I need a break," she said, grinning at him.

"I did give you a break after four," he said.

"And it's just near seven."

"Three hours of rest from me is enough," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

She gave him an incredulous look. "Are you serious right now?" She laughed when he shrugged again.

"Come here," he said huskily, crawling over to her.

She grabbed the blankets, covering her body from his roaming, hungry eyes.

When his eyes travelled back up to her face, he stopped his advances, noticing her eyes droop with tiredness a bit.

"Did you not get any sleep last night?" he asked, bringing his hand to her face to caress it.

"Of course I didn't. You didn't let me," she said, sticking her tongue out at him playfully.

"I'd keep that tongue of yours in that mouth if I were you. I can find use for it, other than taunting others."

He took her tongue in his mouth before she could respond, and sucked on it gently.

She pulled back, pushing against his chest. "Stop it," she said with a laugh.

He grabbed her by the hair gently, forcing her to look at him so he could kiss her lips again. He was still not satiated with her yet. He deepened the kiss, but pulled back when she began to yield to his advances. His heart was too heavy with concern for her to continue on with his plans. Her health came before his needs now.

"Tell me. You didn't sleep last night."

His eyes fell to the rise and fall of her chest as she panted from the brief passionate kiss they had just engaged in. They looked away immediately, not wanting to get distracted from the matter at hand.

"I did—"

"I didn't say lie to me, did I?" He gave her a pointed look.

She bit her lip, shrinking away from his touch as if she had thought about something.

His fingers stroked down her hair, falling at the back of her neck gently.

Instantly, she slapped his hand away, hard.

He stared at her in shock, more than angry. "What the fuck?" he said, glaring at her.

She curled up to herself, but he pulled her towards him. "Why didn't you sleep last night?" he asked, forgetting about his own feelings right now.

"I did sleep," she pressed, sounding a little relieved.

At what? That he did not address her slapping him? He decided to deal with it another time.

"You did not, Sakura. Why the hell are you lying to me?" he asked, becoming annoyed with her.

She sighed, struggling against his grip on her. "I just didn't feel comfortable sleeping at someone else's house, other than my own," she explained.

"Stop trying to get away from me," he said, holding on to her tightly. "Look at me and tell me that what you're saying is true."

She looked at him. "I promise, that's all it is," she said.

He looked in her eyes, searching for something—anything that would give away her dishonesty.

There was nothing, so he decided to believe her.

"Okay."

She tried to pull away from him, but his grip tightened. "We won't do it at my place again, then," he finalized.

She looked at him, wide-eyed. "No, Syaoran. We won't do it ever again," she said.

"What?"

"This was a one-time thing. We can't—"

"One-time? You're kidding me, right?"

"You know what I mean. Last night was a one-time thing, so we can't continue this."

His hand slid under the covers, landing on her behind. He rubbed her right cheek gently before his fingers dug into the flesh, kneading it. "Are you sure? Are you sure you want this to be a one-time thing?"

Before she could respond, his hand slid lower down to cup her sex. "You're so fucking wet right now, so lie to me and tell me that you don't want it," he whispered huskily in ear, letting his fingers slip between her wet folds.

She stifled a moan as his fingers teased her under the covers until he was sure that she ached for him to be inside of her again.

He placed a soft kiss against her shoulder, removing his hand from under the covers. Looking at her, he licked his fingers clean of her essence and scooted out of the bed.

From the look of unwavering pleasure in her eyes, he knew he had convinced her enough to at least think about continuing this.

"I'm going to shower. I have to be at the hospital before eight. I have a meeting with the board," he said, walking into the bathroom.

He stripped from his clothes, turning the knob of the faucet.

He stepped in the shower, ready to clean up, but he suddenly stopped.

He had sex with Kinomoto Sakura, his therapist. His _therapist_. And he told her who the woman was.

He had _sex_ with her!

He quickly scrubbed himself clean, anxious to see her again. He felt like a teenager all over again, losing his virginity for the first time to a girl. It was a little different this time, though. Sakura was not just a girl. She was...

His doctor, he concluded. He did not need to get ahead of himself so soon.

He stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist.

When he walked back to his room, he saw her fully dressed, sitting on the bed, staring at the wall. He could not tell from her posture if she felt guilt, remorse, or anything.

He walked towards her, sitting on the bed beside her. "Sakura," he called.

She turned to him, forcing a smile on her face. "Finally. I have to get home and shower because I have patients this morning," she said.

 **Patient**.

"Oh," he said, biting the inside of his cheek. "Right."

"I have a job to help people just like you do. Don't give me that judgmental tone," she said disapprovingly.

"I'm not. I just..."

"Thought that you were my only patient?" she asked with a frown.

He cocked his head to the side arrogantly. "For a moment, yes. I did think I was your only patient," he said.

She sighed. "We should go then," she said, standing from the bed.

He grabbed her wrist, turning her to him. "Did you sleep with me out of pity?" he asked, his heart tightening at the thought. It had been bothering him all morning, and he did not think he could take any more of it.

She lifted her hand to his face, caressing it. "No, Syaoran."

He sighed in relief, leaning into her touch. "Okay. Let me get dressed." He gently moved her out of the way and quickly dressed for work.

When he came out, she was standing at the front door, waiting for him. He walked towards her and opened the door, a little surprised that it was not locked.

"You didn't lock it," she told him.

"Oh...I...normally do. So, that's weird," he said, shaking his head.

He placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her out of the apartment.

She drove them back to the bar with a silence that was almost suffocating for him.

One side of him was relieved, already knowing that she would be quick to bring up the thing he told her, while the other side hated the silence. He wanted to hear her voice, even though he heard it all night, screaming his name.

He sighed, shaking his head when he felt himself harden. He was being insane. He had already taken her so many times less than five hours ago, but he still wanted more?

"Alright. Have a great day," Sakura said after she pulled up beside his car.

He looked at her, searching for something— _anything_ , but there was nothing he could see.

Nothing that validates she would continue to sleep with him, see him, or even look at him in that way anymore. There was nothing there.

"We will talk later, right?" he asked.

"I will see you on Thursday," she said in a tight tone.

His body turned to her in the seat. " _Next week_?"

"Yes. Normal time for the session," she said, unlocking the door for him.

"That's..." He stopped, listening to the way he sounded. "Alright."

He unbuckled his seat belt, and opened the door.

"And Syaoran," she called, stopping him.

"Yes?"

"I expect answers in our next session," she said.

He swallowed, nodding his head. He closed the door after she bid him goodbye.

He took a deep breath, releasing it. He had plenty of time to mentally prepare himself for that session.

He had other things to worry about right now though.

Like those papers he has to go through and sign, the board meeting, and most importantly, how he could see Sakura before Thursday came.

* * *

Sakura ran her fingers through her hair, frustrated with herself.

It was Saturday, and she was still thinking about the night that never should have happened with Syaoran.

She knew that it was wrong the moment she came to that bar and then offered to take him home. The bar was a place that almost everyone resorted to in that town whenever they were not feeling well, including herself.

It was like a habit that seemed unbreakable. Alcohol was a savior to a lot of people when they do not want to feel. And she was sure that Syaoran did not want to feel at that moment, which led her to the bar.

Sex was his savior, so why did she believe that he would not turn to sex as soon as he left her practice? She could only assume that it was because he told her that he would not have sex.

It did not matter because her instincts were right. They led her to Syaoran, so that was all that mattered. They turned against her when she decided to bring him home.

What was she thinking? Taking a patient home? It was not even permitted to allow a patient to get in your car.

She sighed, stopping her pacing in her apartment.

Syaoran was not just a patient anymore, even she could admit that. He was more than a patient now, more like a friend she found comfort in.

She never used her patients for comfort, but Syaoran was different. He made her forget about her own pain when she talked to him about his problems. He distracted her by forcing her to care for his well-being.

She never had a patient who caused this many emotions to stir in her, nor one she had sex with.

Not any kind of sex either. It was...

Her cheeks warmed with a blush at the thoughts of their bodies joined together, only two nights ago.

What was she thinking?

She began to contemplate whether she had any self-control because she surely did not the other day. What good psychologist slept with a patient because she felt like they needed it?

It had been three months that he abstained from having sex, so why would she let herself be the very person to break his commitment by having sex with him? She felt like an awful human being.

She took a deep breath, concluding that she would never do it again and that he could start over. He had told her that she would be the last person he has sex with until he got better, so she should not stress about it.

Besides, she had never done anything illegal or spontaneous in her life, so this one time had to be okay. Everyone did something that they were not supposed to do at least one time in their life.

It may not have been sleeping with their patient who is an addict, but surely they had stolen a cookie from the cookie jar when they were little. Told a lie that they never come clean about.

Whenever she lied, she came clean about it, and she rarely ever lied for her own pleasure, so she was never put in the category as a liar. This was the same thing, right?

She sighed again, realizing how wrong this sounded. Was she really comparing herself to a child stealing a cookie from the cookie jar? She could not help but feel it was true, though.

Wrong is wrong, while right is right. There has never been a thing as something being more wrong than another thing.

As long as she never did it again, she could pretend like it never even happened, and it would just remain wrong like everything else that was wrong. It would be a secret to keep from everyone. Even her best friend, Tomoyo.

A loud buzzing sound caused her to jump in fear, and she nearly ran to her phone on the table in the kitchen.

She looked at the caller id, heart racing at who it was.

What did he want with her on a Saturday?

She swiped the phone across, ending the call.

It was Saturday. Her day. She never did any work on this day, so she could ignore his call. Even if she was doing it for personal reasons.

She did not know how to face or talk to Syaoran anymore after their encounter.

She did not sleep with him out of pity. She slept with him because she wanted to. She could have told him no, but she decided on her own to give in to the urge when his lips kissed hers so softly. She did not even think the demanding man was capable of being gentle. Especially with his barbaric behavior, but he was.

She had never felt so...needed by a man who kissed her. She may have felt wanted, but never _needed_. And that was the reason she gave in to him. Not just because she wanted to, but because he needed her. The moment she felt his lips against hers, she knew that he needed her. He did not feel loved, or wanted by anyone because of her, and now with the information he told her, it all made sense.

She understood what made him want to have sex all the time now, rather than believing that he was just a horny man. That was why she ended up giving in to him the second time because she understood him.

He just wanted a love that everyone craved.

Her phone buzzed again, and she sighed. This man would stop at nothing.

He called five hours after the session ended, but she purposely ignored it. And then he followed up with a text that made it almost impossible to ignore, but she did.

She was doing great. She meant what she said when she told him that they would not do it again because she knew that was what he wanted to talk about.

Her eyes closed, ignoring her lady bits that tingled at the thought of them doing it again.

She groaned out loud when her phone rang again. She ignored it, though. She did not want to give favoritism to any of her patients, including Syaoran.

Saturday was Sakura day. No patients, no—

Her cell rang again and she sighed, picking it up.

She took a deep breath and spoke into the phone, "What do you want?"

 _"About damn time."_

Her heart jumped at the voice of the man. It had only been two days since she heard it groaning and moaning her name like she had been the very thing he needed.

"What do you want, Syaoran? This is my day. I don't work on this day," she said sternly, reminding him.

She had told him this weeks ago, and he said that he understood her, so why was he on the phone with her right now?

 _"I'm not just your job anymore, Sakura,"_ he said through the phone, a little edgy.

She almost bit down on her tongue to stop herself from telling him not to remind her about the incident.

She could not hurt him anymore than she already did, but he does need to understand that they would never have sex again. And most importantly, that they needed to go back to being professionals.

"You are, Syaoran. What happened never should have happened with you," she said.

 _"But it did, and it was amazing,"_ he said arrogantly.

She closed her eyes, praying that the images would disappear, that she could stop thinking about his hands, his tongue, and male parts on her. It was all wrong.

"Why did you call? What do you want?" she asked, ignoring his praise for her actions.

 _"I want to see you—"_

"Thursday," she said shortly.

 _"Before Thursday, Sakura. I can't wait that long to see you anymore,"_ he said.

"Thursday, or no day," she said in a finalizing tone.

She almost regretted saying that, fearing that he would choose the no day' since he was fond of doing such a few weeks ago.

He sighed. _"Fine, but can you stop ignoring my calls and texts? It's driving me crazy,"_ he said in an exasperated tone.

"This phone is for my patients only. Not family, friends, or—"

 _"Patients whose fucked you?"_

She ended the call immediately after he said that. She knew that he would remind her, but not that soon.

When her cell rang again, she ended the call and powered off the phone. She meant what she said when she told him that they would never do that again.

She had other things to worry about now, like her conscious telling her that she was stupid and was warned by her best friend about this man.

But could she really blame Syaoran for her giving in to something that she had wanted?

She almost felt that she took advantage of him by using him as her own distractions.

This was one incident that she could not bring herself to regret, so why stress about something that was just a one-time thing, and would never happen again?

* * *

 **Well, what did you guys think? I know you guys probably didn't expect the mystery woman to be revealed in that situation, but yes, it is his mother as some of you guessed it.**

 **Anyway, thanks to my beta, theDeviantme, as usual and thank you guys for the reviews and story alerts!**

 **I got off work late tonight, and I'm really, really tired so maybe I'll find time to answer questions tomorrow. I'll tell you guys this though, Sakura isn't going to be the first one to fall in love :P.**

 **Ja ne!**


	14. When Wrong Begins to Become Right

**"When Wrong Begins to Become Right"**

* * *

Syaoran ate his food in silence, listening to the others talking at the table about their wives, women from strip clubs, and anything that he would normally find interesting. His mind was already too occupied with other thoughts, though.

Sakura had been ignoring him since Saturday and it was driving him insane. All he could think about was her face, her voice, the way she felt against him. All of his senses were filled with her, and he was beginning to think that she had driven him into a mad man. And now, she was ignoring him, leaving him high and dry for more.

More of what though? He does not know.

He had not meant to offend her on the phone last Saturday, but what should he have said? They did have sex, and it had been the best sex he had ever had. Should he have said sex, rather than fuck? Because it certainly did not feel like he just fucked her.

Making love seemed too...weird to say for him, so what else is there to say? He knew women liked to hear romantic shit like that, but he did not get that vibe from Sakura, ever.

She was hard to read so he does not really know what she liked. Maybe he could ask her about herself on Thursday when they saw each other again.

He mentally groaned, annoyed that it was still less than 24 hours away. It seemed short, but he wanted to see her _now_.

He has not seen her since they had sex, which was way too long. Once a week was not enough for him anymore. He wanted to see her more than that.

"Li-kun? Are you going to come?" someone at the table asked, interrupting his thoughts about the woman.

"What?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at Dr. Haruka.

"Star Lights, down the street from here?"

That was a strip club that he went to, nearly every night before Sakura came into the picture. Why did he stop again?

"Can't. I have to get to the hospital extra early tomorrow," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

One of the other doctors gasped, almost dramatically. "What's going on, chief? You never turn down the opportunity to go to a strip. And, words been going around that you haven't slept with anyone in the hospital for the last two months or so."

Syaoran shrugged again, picking up his chopsticks to take a bite out of his food. "Busy. I've had a lot on my plate," he said nonchalantly.

"For the last couple of months?" Dr. Haruka asked, giving Syaoran a pointed look.

He began to grow annoyed with his employee's interest in his sex life. Surely he never pried in their personal lives like this.

"Why the hell are you guys concerned about my sex life?" he asked, keeping his tone in line.

He had been getting along with everyone at the hospital since he and Sakura had grown close to each other, so he did not want to ruin anything for something this small.

"Because you always come to the strip with us. Don't get all offensive on us, douche," Dr. Haruka said, grinning at him.

Syaoran narrowed his eyes at the man, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "On a Wednesday night?"

"It will be easier to tell my wife that I just have to work late."

Syaoran scoffed. "You're awful," he said, shaking his head.

"I'm not. I've never gone home with a young lady since I met my lovely wife," Dr. Haruka said, grinning.

"If you're throwing jabs at me to hurt my feelings, it's not working. I've never cheated on a girl I've dated before."

"That's true, but you might as well consider yourself a cheater since you sleep with multiple women at a time—"

"Who I'm not in a committed relationship with," he said defensively.

"The point is, it's still cheating technically," Dr. Haruka concluded.

"It is not," he said, voice rising a bit.

Dr. Haruka chuckled, shaking his head. "You don't want to cause a scene in your cafeteria, Li. If you don't want to tag along with us, then you don't have to."

"Thank you. My sex life is none of your damn concerns, anyway," he said, pushing his chair back, grabbing his tray.

He left without another word from any of them.

How could Dr. Haruka claim that he was a cheater when he knew nothing?

Syaoran never cheated on a woman he was in a relationship with. And he certainly has never cheated on anyone he had never been in a relationship with. From the very start of any type of sexual activity he involved himself in, he told the women that he wanted nothing but sex from them. He even told them after he finished having sex with them that it was just sex, so how could that man consider him to be a cheater?

He had never been disloyal or dishonest to anyone before.

He slept with Sakura last week, and he had not done anything with anyone besides his hand, so that made him honest, right?

He may have forgotten to mention to Sakura that he did not want a relationship with her, but he still had not slept with another since her, and he was not even planning to.

He sat and thought for a moment. Did he even want to anymore?

* * *

"Tomoyo, you're killing me!" Sakura exclaimed to the woman who forced the dress over her head.

"You have to try this one on too. I specifically designed it for women with your hair, eyes, and skin complexion. It looks so pretty on you!" Tomoyo cheered, clapping her hands.

Sakura had on a bright, emerald green, strapless dress that had sparkling, small diamonds on it. It fit to her like a second skin at the top part, but it landed gracefully to the floor from the waist down.

"This is the last dress that I'm trying on for the day," she said, pretending to be annoyed with her friend.

"It's not. You know there's one more, and then we'll be done. Oh, then we have to go shopping," Tomoyo said, adjusting a few of the places on her dress.

"But we went shopping this past weekend already."

"And now we have to go again," Tomoyo said, lifting from the ground.

She gasped loudly, causing Sakura to become alert. "What is it?"

"It's not, 'what is it.' It's, 'Who is it'?" Tomoyo said with a mischievous grin.

It reminded Sakura of Eriol for a minute, but then she remembered that they were husband and wife.

"What?"

"Sakura, who the hell sucked on your neck like some kind of a vampire?!" Tomoyo exclaimed, giggling.

"What?" Sakura asked confused.

Tomoyo dragged her across the dressing room to one of the full-length mirrors.

She gasped, noticing five marks on her body. Two was on the curve of her neck and shoulder, another on both sides of her shoulder, while another on the other side of her lower neck.

She swallowed, remembering how hard Syaoran's lips closed around her skin that night. She knew that she had a few small bruises on other areas of her body that were barely noticeable, but her neck?

She never paid attention to it because she had worn clothes that covered majority of her body for the last few days. The weather was dropping, so she was trying to dress warmer.

"Uh..." she said at a loss for words.

What was she supposed to tell her best friend? There was no way that she could tell her that these hickeys were from Li Syaoran, her sex-addict patient.

"Come on, Sakura. You can't keep this from me. You haven't had sex in years. What lucky man has stolen your heart?"

"No, no, no, no," she said quickly, shaking her head. "I promise that I'm not in love with anyone," she said truthfully.

She may have cared about Syaoran, but she was certainly not in love with him. This area in her life was off-limits, and she did not even want to think about opening that door.

"So there is someone that you're sleeping with?"

"No!" she said almost too quickly.

When did she get the ability to lie so easily these days?

"What's that on your neck, then? I'm not going to judge you. You know that I'm all about having your share of fun," Tomoyo said, winking at her.

Sakura's cheeks turned red from embarrassment. "Stop it, Tomoyo. I am not sleeping around," she said in a hushed tone.

"I'm waiting for an explanation on the marks on your neck," she said.

Sakura sighed, eyes closing. She could not think of a lie to tell her friend.

"I burned myself with the flat iron," she decided to go with the old lie that most people used to hide hickeys.

Tomoyo burst out laughing, tracing the hickey on her shoulder with her index finger. "That's very like you, Sakura." Sakura almost sighed in relief, but Tomoyo continued, "But your hair doesn't even reach your shoulders, and you expect me to believe that you burned yourself five times?" Tomoyo gave her a pointed look.

"Even though I've never admitted it out loud, I'm a klutz like that. You know that more than I do," she said, shrugging her shoulders to add to the effect.

"And I know more than you know about hickeys. Though I'm wondering if you know more than I do now. Eriol has never given me that many hickeys in one night. Two, maybe, but five? You have a wild one there, Sakura," Tomoyo said, smiling at her with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Sakura blushed, thinking back on how sore she felt the next few days after she and Syaoran had sex. She had never felt that good sex kind of sore, even from her previous lover. Good was not even a word to describe how Syaoran had made her feel that night.

"Stop it. I'm not sleeping with anyone," she said, eyes straying from hers.

"Stop lying to me, Sakura. Who is it?!"

She sighed, shaking her head as a smile formed on her face at the thoughts of the amazing sex. "It's no one."

"No one? Sakura, you're all teeth right now! And it explains why you've been glowing for the last couple of days I've seen you." Tomoyo gasped as if she had an idea.

"W-what?" she asked, nervous that her secret had been found out so soon before it even got anywhere.

Wait, what?

"Is it Dr.—"

"No!" Sakura exclaimed, assuming the doctor she was about to mention.

"Geez, Sakura. I didn't know that Dr. Akinari looked _that_ bad for you. In fact, he looks good. I think so at least," Tomoyo said, shrugging her shoulders.

"O-oh...no, Aki looks good. Really good, in fact, as you said. I thought you were talking about..."

"Who did you think I was referring to?" Tomoyo asked, smirking at her.

"N-no one. Why would you even think it's him?"

"Sakura...you guys go way back. Like, grad school, like...undergrad," Tomoyo said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I guess; but he's my therapist, Tomoyo. You know that's wrong," Sakura said, laughing nervously.

"You guys were friends before that. Even if, so? Wouldn't it be kind of hot? Forbidden affairs have always been hot, when you think about it. Sneaking around, adrenaline rushing, scared you'll get caught. You have to admit, it would be kind of hot," Tomoyo said.

Sakura wanted to tell her that she had no idea, but decided against it.

"What would you know about that?" Sakura asked, giving her a suspicious look.

"I've read books and Eriol and I have done a few kinky things. We've been married for seven years, Sakura."

"You're right. So...you think forbidden affairs are okay?" she asked.

"I never said they are okay, but they are hot. Realistically, they don't always end great, but the ride is probably a hell of a lot of fun." Tomoyo began picking a few of the things up on the floor in the room to straighten up.

"Would you do it?" Sakura found herself asking as she reached behind herself to unzip the dress.

"If it was with Eriol, yes."

"He's your husband though, so that doesn't count." Sakura giggled.

"If we weren't married and I am one of his employees, I would still want to be with him. I would have an affair with him as long as he's not with anyone else because I love him."

Sakura inwardly sighed. That was no help at all. She did not have strong feelings like that for Syaoran, so there was no reason to continue the affair with him besides the fact that he made her forget about her own pain.

Why did that matter though? She had already said that she would never do it again with him.

Besides, Tomoyo had forgot about the hickeys on her neck, so there is nothing that she needed to worry about today.

* * *

Syaoran sat on the couch in her practice, waiting for her to come over to him.

He was disappointed when she sat on the opposite side of the couch in the chair.

He sighed loudly. "Why are you doing that, Sakura?"

"Dr. Kinomoto," she said sternly.

He leaned back, confused. "What?"

"Address me correctly," she said.

"You're kidding me, right?"

"I'm being serious here, Syaoran. Enough is enough—"

"Because we slept together? Did you not _feel_ what that was, Sakura? Did you not feel some kind of—"

"No! Stop talking about it. It was never supposed to happen—"

"But it did, and we both enjoyed it. Please, don't do this," he said the last part quietly.

"Address me correctly, Syaoran," she finalized.

His fists clenched, eyes shifting from her direction. "No," he said like a stubborn child.

"Then we can't continue the sessions," she said.

"What?! Who the hell do you think you are?" he bellowed, furious that she was the one trying to end the sessions.

"I'm your therapist. You're _my_ patient, in _my_ practice, asking me for _my_ help with your problems. I have a right to decide whether or not I want to keep seeing a patient."

"So that's just it then? You had sex with me, enjoyed it, and now you're forcing me to just pretend to be a helpless patient who needs your help?"

"You do need my help," she said confidently.

"Like hell I do. I was capable of living the way I wanted before you came into the picture," he said.

She took a deep breath. "There is no point in arguing, Syaoran. Just address me correctly," she said calmly.

"Or you'll stop helping me get better?" he asked, heart aching at the voiced words. Though she did not say these exact words, he knew that was what she meant.

"The sessions," she corrected.

"You'll stop helping me," he said.

"Will you stop that? That's not what I'm saying," she said frustrated.

He looked away from her direction sadly. "That is what you're saying."

She sighed. "It's not."

He looked up at her and glared. "What the fuck are you saying then?" he asked angrily.

"The only way I'll keep seeing you is if you treat me as your therapist because that is the only way it will work," she said, lifting her head high.

He scoffed, realizing what she was doing. "Fine. You need to validate reasons to convince yourself to keep seeing me. If you stop seeing me, I'll let the entire town know that you slept with a patient who's addicted to having sex," he said arrogantly.

She gasped, face looking mortified at the threat.

He almost felt guilty, but he did not mean it. He would never do anything that cruel, but she seemed like she needed a reason to keep seeing him, aside from the obvious. He felt like she should have been able to keep seeing him if she truly wanted to help him. Why was that not enough for her?

"You—"

"You seem to need a reason to not feel guilty to keep seeing me," he said.

"I—!" She stopped, head dropping to avoid his gaze.

It was just as he suspected.

"Sakura..." he called.

She ignored him.

He stood from the couch, walking over to her. He stooped to the ground. "Sakura, I won't actually tell anyone. If that's what makes you feel better, believe that. Believe that I've blackmailed you into continuing our sessions," he said gently.

He really did not want to stop seeing her. He had already come this far because of her. He talked about things that he would never talk about with anyone. Even though he was still miserable, he could see the slightest bit of happiness in life now, even if he only began to feel it the morning after they had sex. The feeling was still there.

"Sakura." He lifted her chin so she could look at him.

He frowned when he saw threatening tears about to fall. "Please, don't cry," he said weakly.

He hated when she did this.

"I'm black-mailing you, okay?" he said, wiping the single tear that rolled down her rosy cheek.

She nodded, and he leaned down, capturing her lips with his.

She stopped the kiss as soon as it started, and he was okay with that. He was willing to take it slow for her if that was what she wanted.

She wiped her eyes, cleared her throat, and then locked eyes with his. "Can we begin the session now?" she asked in a strong voice.

He wondered how she could sound alright after she had just broken down in front of him. He was a little jealous.

He nodded, knowing there was no other escape from this conversation.

"Why did you lie to me?" she asked quietly.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"You told me that it wasn't your mother when I asked you," she said, sounding disappointed.

"That bitch isn't my mother," he said through clenched teeth.

"Biologically—"

"That doesn't make her my mother," he said angrily.

She took a deep breath. "You're right. Why did you decide to tell me after we slept together then?"

"Because it felt right," he said honestly.

She sighed, grabbing his hand. "Get up, Syaoran." She pulled on his hand so he would stand from his stooping position in front of her.

She led him to the couch and sat beside him.

"I'm...I didn't think it mattered. She isn't the reason I'm like this today," he tried explaining.

"Yes, she is," Sakura said quietly.

She had not let his hand go, so his fingers clenched around hers.

"She's not, Sakura. I swear that bitch has nothing to do with the way I am today," he said almost desperately.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because...I just...it is logical to think and feel that way. How is it possible for her to have any influence on the way I've turned out when she was never there for me?" he asked.

"You just answered that yourself..." she said quietly.

"What?" He was confused now.

"She's your..."

His hands squeezed hers a little tightly, stopping her from continuing with that sentence.

"She's not. She has nothing to do with the way I am," he said, almost to himself.

Who was he trying to convince at this point? Him or her?

He was not even sure.

He shook his head. "She didn't teach me how to talk, read, have manners, and be respectful or anything about intimacy. She didn't teach me anything."

His hands clenched hers tighter, and he heard her breath hitched, but he did not loosen his grip this time. "The only thing I ever learned from her is how to feel abandoned. That's what she taught me. How to feel abandoned, useless...hated...like shit, Sakura. Can you try to imagine what... _how_ it would feel at the age of two, four, five, six, nine, eleven, and the fucking years go on. Did you feel abandoned as a child? No. Did you feel like the lowest human on earth as a child? No. So, you need to at least _try_ to imagine what it feels like, Sakura. Just try!" he yelled, flipping the glass table over into the chair opposite of them, causing it to shatter into pieces.

He was breathing heavily, hand trembling around hers. The only thing he could hear was his heart erratically beating against his chest, his adrenaline rushing at the painful emotions.

He knew she was there, though. She was there, holding his hand with her probably broken fingers now.

He turned to her abruptly, and she jumped. How could he care about anything right now?

He released her hand, bringing his own up to her face gently. "That's not a mother, Sakura. That's a piece of shit for a human being. I've seen what a mother should be like. She wasn't one...and that's..." He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers with his eyes closed tightly.

He could feel the tears burning the back of his eyes, but he refused to let her see them again. He never wanted her to see him that weak again.

"That's why she doesn't have anything to do with who I am. She didn't encourage me to study, push me to be the best I can. She didn't do anything, so how can she ever be one of the reasons of who I am today?" he asked brokenly.

When she did not respond, he opened his eyes and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

She lifted her hand and swiped the tear away, but he felt more falling after the kind gesture from her.

He leaned forward again so he could kiss her, but she moved back from his a little.

"Syaoran..." she called softly. "We can't..."

He choked back a sob, nodding his head against hers. "I know, Sakura. I know, but..." he trailed off, holding onto her face a little hard, but not enough to hurt her. "Please," he whispered. "Please, help me forget this feeling," he begged.

He knew he sounded desperate, and way out of line, but he did not know what else to do at this point. He does not want another woman, but her, so what else could he do?

She shook her head against his slowly with tears in her eyes. "I can't, Syaoran. I really can't—"

He closed the gap between their lips, kissing her hard. He pushed her down on the couch roughly, climbing on top of her with his lips locked with hers.

She kissed him back when he forced his tongue in her mouth, engaging their tongues in a erotic dance that burned his loins.

He dropped his hand down to pull her skirt up, but she grabbed his hand with her perfect hand. He was surprised that she still slid her tongue past his lips, in his mouth.

He moved his hand, taking the hint that she would not let them have sex.

Her tongue licking around his mouth was good enough because he almost believed that he might have come in his pants. He assumed that he did this time though, so he would not be surprised.

When they needed to breath, he pulled back from the kiss, aroused all over again when saliva connected their lips together.

"Better?" she asked, touching his face softly.

He opened his eyes, staring into hers. A smile formed across his lips when he saw sincerity in hers, so he nodded. "Yes."

She gently pushed him off her, situating her clothes into place. "Let's talk about something else," she said suddenly.

He was more than relieved to hear that. However, what could they possibly talk about after their mini, intense make out session?

The question was answered the moment she opened her mouth. "Hickeys."

He looked at her, confused. "What?"

"Did you purposely leave them?"

A smirk crept to his lips and he chuckled. "Only one," he said truthfully.

He recalled leaving one on her shoulder, but that was it.

"One?" she asked, exasperated.

His brows squinted together. "Only one."

"Syaoran, there were like five that you left behind." She gave him a disapproving look.

He chuckled. "They aren't in plain sight," he said, shrugging his shoulders after observing her.

"I'm not your property, so you had no right to leave behind any. My best friend saw them!" she exclaimed.

He raised a brow at her. "Is that bad?"

"Yes, that's _very_ bad. She wanted to know who it was from."

"It's none of her damn business," he said as if it were the obvious thing in the world.

"It is. She's my best friend," she said quietly.

"Sakura, it's your life. You don't have to tell anyone anything you do," he reasoned.

"I know that, but we tell each other almost everything. We don't keep secrets."

"Well, my apologies. I didn't purposely leave them behind," he half-lied.

He was conscious of how hard he sucked on her skin, but he did not have the thought of leaving behind a mark, besides one.

The thought of another man taking her the same way crossed his mind, so he wanted that man to see that he had already claimed her.

She sighed, shaking her head. "It can't happen again. None of it can," she reminded him.

He wanted to roll his eyes at the proclamation, but decided not to.

He sighed. "I should probably get going. I have to...stop by my place for a bit," he said sheepishly.

"Tuesday," she said.

"W-what?"

"I'll see you Tuesday at six o' clock."

His heart leaped at that. "R-really?" A wide smile spread across his face.

She smiled at him. "Yes. I feel like you need more than one day of therapy to get better."

He sighed, relieved that she understood how he had been feeling. Even though he wanted to see her more, it was partly because she made him feel better and normal.

"Thank you..." he said quietly.

He stood from the couch, feeling uncomfortable with the mess he made in his pants.

"Drive safe, okay?" she said softly when they got to the door.

"I'll try," he said, smiling at her. "Also, I'll...replace the table," he said sheepishly, feeling his cheeks warm. He was beyond embarrassed by his behavior.

She nodded with a smile on her lips.

"Wait, let me see your hand," he said, grabbing her hand to observe it.

"It's not broken. I'm sorry," he said, bringing her fingers to his lips.

He kissed it a second time before she pulled it back. "It's fine, Syaoran. I've felt worse before," she said reassuringly.

He suddenly felt guilty, regret washing over him. "Was it me? Did I hurt you? Please tell me that it wasn't me. Did I?" he asked, hoping she would tell him no.

If he had been the one to make her feel worse than the hand squeeze, he did not know what he would to do himself.

She smiled, flexing her fingers to show him that it was okay. "No, Syaoran. It wasn't you," she said, reassuringly again.

He sighed in relief, but felt an uneasy feeling at the answer.

Who had hurt her?

He grabbed her hand, kissing it one last time and letting it go. He walked out after bidding her goodbye. When he sat in the car, he realized he forgot to tell her that he did not want a relationship. Suddenly, he did not feel the need to do so anymore.

* * *

Sakura checked her phone, looking at the time, and repeating the process.

She was waiting for Akinari because he said he wanted to meet up with her today.

They usually had their lunch dates at least once a week, but she had been slacking on them since Syaoran started seeing her.

She sighed, heart aching at the thought of the man. He had finally told her who the woman is.

 _His mother_.

The woman he had been talking about so terribly is his mother.

He had not given details about what she did to him, but he gave her enough to know that the woman abandoned him.

There was so much more to find out about the woman, but she could work with what he gave her.

The woman abandoned him...

But why?

And then she remembered something he said.

 _"She had another before me, but she lost him."_

Maybe that was—

"Sakura," someone called, interrupting her thoughts.

She turned around, smiling at the man approaching the table.

"About time you got here," she said.

He chuckled and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"I'm sorry. Got held up by a patient," Akinari said.

"I still cannot believe that you allow patients to come in on Saturdays. It's fine, though. I understand," she said, waving it off.

He grinned at her. "It's been a while since we had our date," he said, sitting down in the chair across from her.

"I know. I've been busy," she said, shrugging her shoulder.

"Right, with your new patient that you haven't told me about?" he asked, raising a brow at her.

"I told you about him like two weeks ago," she said, giving him a point look.

"Can I get a glass of water?" Akinari asked one of the waitress who happened to walk past.

She nodded and he turned back to Sakura. "You know what I mean."

Sakura took a sip from her lemonade, and then giggled. "I'm not telling you what's wrong with my patient," she said.

"My boss," he corrected.

She rolled her eyes and picked up the croissant on the table, taking a bite out of it.

He snatched the croissant from her and bit it, winking at her.

"Would you tell a friend about my problems?" she asked, picking up another croissant for herself.

"Of course not. You know that's different, Sakura."

"I don't see how. Besides, why are you bringing up my patients? Him, specifically. I have other patients that I have to worry about."

"Because that patient is my boss, and there's rumors going around the hospital."

Her ear perked at that. "Rumors?" she asked, interested to know about these rumors.

"Yes, about _my_ boss that is _your_ patient."

She took a bite out of her croissant, trying to occupy her hands with something. She was beyond nervous right now.

"You guys are very unprofessional, then. What are you all? High schoolers?" she said, giggling.

"Hey, I just listen, not start any of it," he said, holding up his hand. "Thank you," he thanked the waitress when she set a glass of water on the table.

"What are they about?" she asked nonchalantly, or what she hoped she sounded like.

"Well, he's not sleeping around anymore, for starters," he said.

She paused with the croissant in her mouth, looking up at him. She took it out of her mouth and swallowed the piece she had bitten, almost choking on how thick the texture of the bread seemed right now.

"Oh, really?" she asked, picking her glass of lemonade up to drink.

"Yeah. I'm assuming that has something to do with you?" he asked, raising a brow at her.

She shrugged, sitting the glass back down after drinking it. "That has something to do with him. Not me," she said.

"I'm not stupid, Sakura. If I guess what his condition is, will you tell me if I'm right?"

"If I guess right that you did something with Professor Shizuka for an A, will you tell me if I'm right?" she retorted.

He threw his head back and burst out laughing. "Sakura, I'm not telling you that," he said.

She giggled, shrugging her shoulders again. "That's your answer then," she said.

"That's not even fair," he said, exasperatedly.

"And it's fair that you want me to tell you confidential information about a patient's condition?"

"My boss, Sakura. You're missing the point."

"I'm done playing ring-around-a-rosy with you. How was your week?" she asked.

He began talking about his week, informing her about the cases that he had all week.

She enjoyed listening to every bit of it, but her mind kept drifting back to the man she was going to see on Tuesday. That was only three days away, and she felt giddy inside about it.

She was over the feeling of guilt because she figured he was getting better in the process. He promised her that he would not tell anyone, so she had nothing to worry about.

What her friend just told her was a little shocking, but if she had fully believed Syaoran the first time he told her that he was not having sex anymore, then she would not have been.

But he was really not sleeping with anyone else. Maybe she was helping him...

"Why the hell are you smiling? I mean, you have the most...beautiful smile, but I didn't say anything funny," he said, grinning at her.

She shook her head, trying to force the smile off her face. "I'm not smiling," she said.

"Sakura. What are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing, really. Just...it's nothing."

"Fine. I won't pry into your mind," he said.

"Thank you. You do that enough," she joked, though there was a little truth to it.

"Like you don't ask for me to?" He smiled at her.

"I don't. You're manipulative," she said.

"Aren't we all? It's kind of part of our job to get people talking," he said.

She giggled, shaking her head. "I'm not like the rest of you."

"How has the chief been gloating around his hospital, being nice to everyone, and not sleeping around? I heard that he even turned down the offer to go to Star Lights with the guys. Tell me that you haven't been manipulating that man?"

She was tempted to tell him that it was more like the other way around, but could see his point. Besides, was Syaoran really manipulating her when she was the one getting him to spill the beans?

"I think you're exaggerating," she said bashfully.

"I'm not, Sakura. I'm sorry for underestimating you," he apologized.

She waved it off. "Stop apologizing. You're a lot more manipulative than I am," she said, hoping the conversation would shift away from their previous conversation.

She slept with Syaoran, but did not regret it anymore after putting some thoughts into it.

He had told her something beneficial to his health after they finished, so something good came out of it, besides the way he made her feel.

Thursday's session was another thing that she should not have let happen, but something beneficial also came out of the kiss. Well, it was more of a reward for him since he told her so much.

She began to wonder what he would tell her if they slept together again, but knew better than to dwell on that thought.

She meant what she said. She would not be sleeping with Li Syaoran again. However, she did not mind giving him a kiss or two to show him that he could feel loved and wanted by someone.

She does not love him, but she does care for him, she reminded herself.

He laughed. "Only a little bit more, but I think you've beaten me by a milestone. You've managed to manipulate one of the most well-known men in the world who is known for his manipulative ways."

She laughed nervously, waving it off. "Enough, Aki. You'll start to make me feel uncomfortable," she said.

Her phone buzzed on the table so she looked down at it. She immediately ended the call, but it rang again immediately after.

She took it off the table, resting it in her lap.

"Who the hell is that?"

Sakura laughed, shaking her head. "No one. It's just...Tomoyo harassing me again. She wanted to go shopping today, but I told her that I was going to be with you," she explained, only half lying.

Tomoyo did want to go shopping today, but it was certainly not Tomoyo blowing up her phone.

"That sounds like her. You could always go after we finish here," he suggested.

"That's the thing. We've already shopped three times this week, so I'm not in the mood today. I just want to relax."

He chuckled and her phone rang again, buzzing in her lap.

She ended the call, and then looked up at him sheepishly. "See? Harassment, right?"

"Maybe you should pick it up," he said with a chuckle.

"It's really nothing to interrupt our date with," she said, and then her phone rang again.

She sighed, smiling at him apologetically. "I'll take the call in the bathroom if she calls again. I have to go anyway," she said, standing from the table after he nodded.

She rushed to the restroom and swiped it across when he called again.

"What is your problem, Syaoran?" she said, frustrated in the phone.

"Sakura...I need to see you, now," he said in the phone, sounding like he was in pain.

Her heart immediately sped up, worried about his well-being.

"Syaoran, what's wrong?" she asked quickly.

"Just...please..." he said desperately.

"I'll be there in a minute," she said, and then ended the call so she could tell Akinari.

"Hey, something's come up, so we'll have to cut the date short. I'll text you when I get in, okay?"

Before he could respond, she was already rushing out of the little cafe to her car.

What could possibly be wrong with Syaoran that he needed to see her so urgently?

* * *

 **Well, there you guys have a new chapter before the year is over (probably won't be able to upload a new chapter until after everything winds down after new years.) I wish I could've uploaded this chapter sooner, but I was out of town.**

 **Anyway, as usual, thanks to my beta** theDeviantme **. Even though she is also out of town, she still found time to look over the chapter for me. And thank you guys for the reviews and alerts. Before I continue this authors note, Happy New Years since I won't be active on here before the years out!**

 **To answer questions that I was not able to respond to privately, Syaoran hasn't considered his sex life as "making love." However, on one scene where it says something about that, it was more of an inner voice(or the little devil, as I like to call inner voices :P) telling him that's what he's doing when he's having sex. Syaoran doesn't necessarily believe in love here(since he missed out on the unconditional love of a mother). He doesn't consider his sex life as love making.**

 **I thought his Chinese name 'Xiao Lang' was explained, if I'm remembering correctly, but I may not be. He gets triggered when people he knows personally uses it, since he already hates it so much. When Eriol used it, he was only letting Syaoran know that he knew about the appointment(the first one) that he had set up with Sakura. The fact that Sakura uses his Chinese name to snap him out of one of his little zones triggers him because she knows how much he hates the name. He moved from Hong Kong to hear less of the name, but he explains somewhere in the story why he hates the name and what it means to him. Also, the reason he used it on a phone call was also explained.**

 **Thanks a bunch guys for your support!**


	15. Their Little Secret

**"Their Little Secret"**

* * *

Sakura knocked on his door. When he did not respond, she knocked again harder.

Her foot tapped impatiently on the ground, heart racing at the thoughts of the possibilities that could be holding him up.

When she received no response again, she grabbed the knob and pushed it open.

She was a little surprised that the door was already unlocked, but felt that this was okay since he sounded like he was in trouble. She wondered why she always had to justify everything she did with or for him, wrong or right.

She walked in cautiously, closing the door behind her. She was sure to lock it this time.

"Syaoran?" she called, setting her keys and purse on the little stand by the door.

When she did not get a response from him again, she walked further into the house, to the living room.

And there he was, head buried in his hands.

She sighed, walking towards him. She touched his shoulder and he jumped.

"Sakura," he said, grabbing her wrist tightly.

She sighed once again, yanking her hand back when she felt her heart flutter at the contact.

"Why did you call me, Syaoran?" she asked in a disapproving tone.

He laughed uncontrollably. "Because I figured it out!" he said excitedly.

She looked at him strangely, wondering why he was overly happy.

"Figured _what_ out? Whatever it is could have waited until Tuesday. I told you that I don't work on Saturdays, and you've—"

He burst out laughing, interrupting her.

She immediately knew there was something really wrong. He could barely contain his laughter.

He was never this 'happy' around her. He may have smiled or chuckled, but never _laugh_ like he heard or saw the funniest thing in the world.

Something was definitely wrong.

"Syaor—"

"Yelan," he said with a straight face, but then he broke out into a grin.

Her brows scrunched together in confusion. "What?"

"That's the bitch's name. I figured out why she hated me," he said, smiling at her.

She froze, eyes taking in everything in the room. There were shattered pieces of glass all over the floor, broken lamps, flipped desk and tables. Everything was in disorder besides the couch. The room smelt of cigars, vodka, and something she was not familiar with.

However, she knew that this was not the same man that she had known for the last couple of months.

"Are you high? Drunk?" she asked, feeling anger rise in her chest.

"Of course not. Come here, baby," he said, grabbing her wrist.

She pulled back from him, giving a disapproving look. "No. Why are you drinking?" she asked, a frown pulling at her lips.

"Don't you want to know what I figured out?" he asked sadly.

When she heard the tone of his voice, she knew that it was time for her to leave.

This was how she ended up in his bed last time, also how she ended up in his house.

She looked at him, heart tightening at the sorrowful look in his eyes.

This was not about her and the way she felt anymore, though. She was trained to put others' feelings before her own, so she could do this for Syaoran.

She sat down beside him, ignoring the guilty feelings of abandoning him on this couch seconds ago.

"What did you figure out, Syaoran?" she asked quietly.

Alcohol always did this to people. It made them feel vulnerable, open to spill secrets that were meant to be kept from all.

Sakura knew this, so she does not understand why she would let him do this right now. What is wrong with her?

He grinned. "You have to give me a kiss first," he said, pointing to his lips.

The beating of her heart sped up, but she ignored it as she always did.

"No."

She has self-control, she mentally reminded herself. She has this under control. Even though they were in his house alone, she would make sure that nothing inappropriate would take place, as ironic as it sounded.

He pouted, grabbing her hand. "Please? How about just a kiss on the cheek?" he bargained.

She raised a brow at him, lip turning up in amusement at his behavior.

She should have felt frightened right now, but for some reason, she felt like she was in the safe zone.

She had to suppress a grin. "No, Syaoran."

"Please?" He looked at her with his amber eyes pleadingly.

She looked away immediately, not wanting to get caught under the spell that he seemed to cast on people with those eyes.

Not her though. She may have slept with him, but it was not because she was smitten with him. She had met dozens of men who look attractive, but she never gave in to their advances.

Syaoran's silent plea for love is a far cry from the rest of the men's, which was why she felt that it was okay to have sex with him.

"No kisses. If you ask again, I'll have to leave," she threatened.

She did not mean it, but she wanted to elicit a reaction out of him.

He grabbed her wrist tightly, holding onto her like she would disappear into thin air. "No, don't...you can't leave like she did," he said quietly.

She turned to him with a serious expression on her face now. "She left?"

His eyes darkened, face growing gloomy. "I was...eight. It was my birthday...and the day that..." he trailed off.

She noticed his hand turn into fists, fingers clenching so tight that his knuckles were white. She knew exactly what he was trying to do.

Sighing, she dropped her hand on top of his, gently squeezing his fist to get his attention.

He looked at her, releasing his hands from the tight grip. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.

She could only imagine the way he felt right now. She wanted to make him feel better...

She squeezed his hand again a little before letting it go. "Come here," she said, patting her lap.

He looked at her strangely for a moment before he realized what she meant.

He leaned down, resting his head in her lap.

She slid her fingers in his hair, gently caressing his scalp.

It did not take long for him to relax in her lap with his eyes closed peacefully. She could even see a small smile on his lips.

"Whenever I got upset, sad, or hurt, my dad would always place my head in his lap to massage my head. It always soothed me, helped me feel better and forget about the pain," she explained, running her fingers through his hair soothingly.

He made a slight grunt, letting her know that she was heard. The sound almost gave away his satisfaction with her skills.

She knew it was working because shortly after, he let out a slight moan.

She continued to rub soothing circles on his head slowly as she thought about everything.

Maybe she had been a little too hard on the man lately. He was a sick man. She could cut him a little slack.

He had been doing better lately. He wanted her around, and he always seemed eager to talk about things with her. He was not having sex with anyone, but he still felt the urges all the time. The fact that he was able to maintain some control was a lot for a person with his condition.

She sighed when she noticed his breathing became even. Was he sleeping?

She stopped stroking his hair, but he let out a disapproving sound to prompt her to continue. She smiled and gently pulled on his hair.

He sighed, smiling. "I only drank a few glasses of alcohol," he confessed.

She continued the soft strokes, letting her fingers slide down to the little hairs on the back of his lower neck.

He shivered, goose bumps breaking out on his skin.

"Why?" she asked calmly.

"Because I wanted to have sex—w-with you. I haven't had sex since we slept together..." he said quietly.

Her cheeks warmed at the thought of them having sex, and the information that he had just given her.

Having sex was not good for him at the moment, but the fact that he had not tried to sleep with anyone else caused her stomach to flutter and her heart to leap.

"Why did you suddenly want to have sex?" she asked.

He chuckled, turning over in her lap so he could look up at her. "Because I was thinking about you. In fact, I'm always thinking about you. You're like... every breath I take. You're..."

She placed her fingers on his lips to stop him from further speaking. She kept in mind that he was drunk right now. There was no reason for her to let him spill how he felt about her. Listening to him would be like she was taking advantage of him because he was not sober.

His hand moved up to grab hers, turning it over so he could kiss the back of it.

Immediately, she pulled it back to avoid letting her body do the decision-making.

He sighed when she resumed caressing the little hairs on the back of his neck. "I smoked seven cigarettes," he told her.

She stopped. "Syaoran," she said in a scolding tone.

"I'm...sorry. They calmed me down a bit," he said.

"You know more than I do when it comes to drinking and smoking excessively."

He sighed exasperated. "Stop fucking judging me," he said irritated.

"What?" she asked, confused by the sudden change in his mood.

"You're fucking judging me. Just because I'm a doctor doesn't mean that I have to live by what I tell my patients not to do. Call me hypocritical if you want to, but you have no right to judge me," he said, getting ready to sit up from her lap.

She gently gripped his hair, stopping him from sitting up. "Stop it right now," she said sternly.

"I—"

"No. You can't push me away by being cruel. You don't get to do that anymore," she said, gripping his hair tighter.

His face remained neutral, showing that he was not affected at all by her tight grip.

"Okay," he said simply.

She let out a relieved sigh that they would not go back to square one.

She was tired of this little game that he had going on between them.

At this point, he was in, or he was out. In this case, she was giving him no other option but to be in, whether he wanted to be or not.

"Now tell me why you wanted to have sex," she demanded.

She knew that his body only became aroused because of something that triggered it. She just came to his mind when he realized that his body was aroused, but there was something that triggered it.

She had caught on to the patterns of his behaviors now.

He sighed, closing his eyes. "Okay..." he said.

He was quiet for a while as she repeatedly ran her fingers through his thick hair.

She was willing to wait for him to speak. He was still intoxicated, so she did not want to push him.

"Every year on my birthday, she would give me something – like a gift, I guess. A sick, fucked up gift that... that she knew I would be reminded of every single day of my life," he said, almost sounding like a robot.

He chuckled, shaking his head in her lap. "That's not what got me aroused, though. I figured out why she treated me like shit."

He had said this already.

Her patience was normally strong, but with him, it always seemed to shrink a ton. She always wanted to know more, but it always felt like he offered so little with her.

But she waited. She waited until he wanted to tell more.

"She punished me as a punishment on herself for having me. Maybe I've always known this, but when I got to drinking, it hit me. It hit me hard, and I..." He shook his head. "No, it hurt like hell," he said, voice cracking a bit.

"Did you talk to her about it?" she asked softly, not wanting to come off as pushy.

"I think I had a flashback of a conversation that I overheard with her and...the shitty psychologist," he said with disdain. "Or, maybe the alcohol is putting things in my head. I don't know, Sakura, but it was there. The conversation was playing in my head. Tell me I'm not insane," he said, sounding frustrated with himself suddenly.

Her fingers moved down to his face, cupping his cheek. "You're not insane, Syaoran. It wasn't the alcohol, okay?" she said honestly.

He sighed in relief, leaning into her touch. "Thank goodness. I was starting to think that I was really going insane," he said.

"Of course not."

He smiled at her, closing his eyes. "You...are amazing," he praised. "You're the only person who can make me feel this way."

She was flustered, but she still ignored the tug in her stomach, and the urge to lean down and kiss the man.

"Good," she said softly.

"Mm..." he moaned, closing his eyes at that.

She was sure he was sleep this time.

* * *

Syaoran stirred in his sleep, releasing a strained moan.

His head was pounding, thanks to the killer headache he got from god-knows what.

"Welcome back to the real world, sleepyhead," he heard a familiar voice say.

And then he felt her fingers pull from his hair.

He sighed, sitting up from her lap. He looked at Sakura, and then the living room.

"I...don't know what's happened here just as much as you don't," Sakura said.

That was right, he remembered calling her after he drank a few glasses of vodka.

He cringed inside, thinking about the disgusting alcohol.

He hated alcohol. It was one of the things that he hated the most because of the disgusting taste.

But why would he pick up the bottle that had been abandoned for so long in his refrigerator?

What was he thinking? Feeling? Seeing?

His insides began to twist in knots at the unsettling feeling.

"Syaoran."

He turned to her, hoping she could give him the answers. "What did I do?"

She touched his face, smiling at him sadly. "Wrecked your place if it's not obvious."

He rolled his eyes at her sarcasm, lying his head back down on her lap.

It felt like a hammer was beating against his head.

She placed her hand back on his head. "No, you called me."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because you 'figured it out'," she quoted.

He sighed again. He did not even want to know what it was anymore that he 'figured out'. It was probably something he did not want to think about.

Besides, he had her here. In his apartment...

His heart nearly jumped out of his chest, body suddenly feeling giddy at her here with him.

"I'm glad you're here," he said, lifting his hands to grab hers.

For a moment, she tried to pull it back, but he held onto it tightly. He did not want to let her go yet.

"You know that I'm not supposed to be," she said in a tone that she would accept no arguing.

He ignored it, though.

"You don't understand how much I've been craving to have you here again."

She sighed. "Let me go."

"No. You aren't leaving me," he told her.

"I never said I was, now let me go."

He smiled, releasing her hand. "I have a headache right now, but later let me take you out to dinner."

"This is my day. Sakura day. What did you not get from that phone call a few weeks ago?" She sounded a little annoyed with him.

Why should he care, though? She was here with him, just as he wanted.

"That I'm taking you to dinner tonight, Sakura. Please? I haven't had any time with you today-"

"That is your problem. How dare you call and interrupt my day because you want to get your way?"

Now she sounded furious. She even acted on her emotions because she gently pushed his head off her lap so she could stand.

He was up on his feet in mere seconds, grabbing her so she could not leave.

Seeing her try to leave was hurting him more than he thought it would.

He wrapped his arms around her body tighter. "You're right. I'm sorry..." he apologized sincerely. "But please...please, stay with me. I'll do whatever you want," he said.

He wanted to kill himself for sounding so desperate for something from her. What was it, though?

Her body relaxed against his. "Please let me go, then," she said.

He could feel a huge grin spread across his face.

He placed a silent kiss on the back of her neck and then released her.

"Lie down," she said, motioning for him to sit on the couch.

"Are you going to run away?" He looked at her serious, holding onto her hand.

She sighed, giving him a small smile. "I'm just going to look in my purse to get you Tylenol for your headache."

He released her hand, sitting back down on the couch. "Okay, go." He motioned for her to leave the room.

Once she disappeared, he leaned his head back on the couch, exhausted.

He looked at the clock on the wall to see that it was three in the afternoon.

The last time he looked at the clock, it was only around eleven. Had he really slept for that long?

He sighed, annoyed that she was taking so long to get back to him even though she had only been gone for a couple of seconds.

Okay, one minute and fifteen seconds, but he was not counting.

The longer her absence lasts, the more his headache becomes severe. He began to think that it was not because of the mini hangover either.

Two minutes and thirty seven seconds now.

His leg began to bounce impatiently. What was wrong with him? He had never been a patient man, but it seemed like he had zero patience when it came to her.

He would give her forty-five more seconds, he decided.

Almost immediately after that thought, he changed it to thirty seconds, and then fifteen.

Before fifteen seconds even hit, he stood from the couch, holding his head with a strained face.

Forgetting his own pain, he walked out of the living room, stepping over the mess. He headed to the kitchen where he heard her distinctly talking...to herself?

He stopped at the entrance and listened to her, hiding from plain sight.

"Sorry I left so abruptly," she said.

He heard the water running for a moment.

"I...um...had to pick up a package. I forgot I put an order in."

She was quiet for a moment before he heard her melodious laugh.

His heart raced at the sound, a warmth spreading through his body. Who was she on the phone with that made her so happy?

"I'm not lying, Aki. The call was an emergency."

Aki?

Another few seconds of silence passed.

"After I picked the package up, I had to drop some paperwork off to one of my patients."

He sighed, feeling himself grow annoyed with her and the other person on the phone.

He asked her to stay with him, so he could talk to her, spend time with her. Not listen to her conversation with whoever bastard was on the phone with her. Who did that person think they were anyway?

They had no right to call her phone when he was around.

"Yeah. I'll see...?"

Before she could finish the question, he walked into the kitchen with a scowl on his face.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Love you," she said, hanging up the phone quickly.

He stared at her, jaw clenching. He was trying to hold his tongue.

She let out a short, awkward laugh. "I told you that I would bring you pills," she said, awkwardly holding up the bottle of pills and cup of water.

"It sure as hell didn't look like it. Who was that?" he asked, cutting straight to the point.

If she cooperated and answered all his questions correctly, he would not snap at her.

She looked confused now. "What?"

 _Now she plays dumb..._

"On the phone," he said, nodding his head at the counter to her phone.

She gave him a strange look for a moment. "Akinari?" she questioned.

He saw red.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Sakura?!" he bellowed.

She looked taken aback. "What?"

"That's what you do now? Come to men's homes and talk on the phone with other men you're fucking?" he asked, breath coming out harsh at the anger rushing through his body.

She awkwardly laughed, trying to get rid of the awkward tension in the room.

It did not work, though.

"I don't know what you're talking about—"

"You're fucking him while you're fucking me," he said, heart stinging at the voiced words.

Why did he suddenly feel like he was being cheated on?

"I'm not...what are you talking about, Syaoran? I'm not sleeping with anyone, including you," she said, giving him a pointed look.

He did not believe her one bit.

"Don't lie to me, damn it."

He moved closer to her, grabbing her phone.

She snatched it back from him immediately. "This is my phone and stop it," she said, placing her hands on his chest when he got extremely close to her.

"Are you fucking him, Sakura? Answer me," he said through clenched teeth, pressing her against the sink with his body.

She blushed, sliding her hands down his chest a little.

He stifled a moan, eyes closing at the stir her fingers created in his body.

How could anything matter when she touch him like this?

"Answer me," he demanded when she remained silent. "Sakura!"

She looked up at him, face flushed with a scowl on her. "Why does it matter?"

Why was she being so complicated? Did she not see the distress he was in with not knowing this?

His fists slammed against the counter beside her. "Stop it!" he yelled. "Tell me, damn it. Please," he said the last part desperately.

"I said I'm not sleeping with anyone," she said calmly, pushing against his chest to move him. He did not budge though.

He looked in her eyes, searching for something that would give away her honesty.

For the first time, he found it.

He sighed, leaning his head against hers. "Okay, good. I don't want you talking to him anymore," he said in a finalizing tone.

She stared at him, looking a little surprised by his tone more than anything. "Excuse me?"

"You're not allowed to speak with that son of a bitch again," he said sternly.

He was playing no games here.

"I'm leaving," she said, pushing against his chest harder now.

He grabbed her hands, placing them on the counter behind her. "Like hell you are. Tell me that you won't see or speak with that bastard again. Is he the reason you ignored my calls this morning?" he asked, fingers clenching her hands that he had pinned against the counter behind her.

"This is not up for discussion, Syaoran. Now, let me go," she said.

He could see the panic in her eyes, despite the calm tone that she had right now.

"Sakura," he called sternly.

"Syaoran! We are not going there today. I will leave if you don't release me," she said, voice rising bit.

At the mention of her leaving, his fingers clamped down on hers a little tighter, but he let her go.

She pushed against his chest, so he moved back.

She released a shaky breath, closing her eyes. "If you're going to keep behaving this way, I can't keep seeing you."

His heart dropped. "W-what?"

"I love my job and I can't afford to lose it. If you're always going to behave barbaric, then I won't ever feel comfortable being your therapist."

Immediately, he felt guilty. "Sakura..."

"I didn't say that I would stop being your therapist. In order for this to work, you have to make me feel comfortable. And you can do that by behaving yourself... now, here." She handed him three Tylenol and the glass of water.

He accepted and swallowed them down in one swift motion.

"I'm sorry...I..." He suddenly felt disgusted with himself.

He never apologized before, but he had already apologized a good amount of times today to her. What was wrong with him?

"I'm sorry. I can't help it..." He was being honest. He did not know why he acted this way with her.

He wanted her to himself because she was...

She was his safe haven.

"Please. I'll behave myself as best as I can..." he said sincerely.

She sighed, nodding her head even though he had not directly asked her to stay.

Her stomach made a weird, grumbling sound.

She blushed, looking away shyly.

"Have you eaten anything today?" he asked.

"I was getting ready to before you called. I've eaten half a croissant," she said.

"That's hardly food. Fuck my headache. We can go and get something to eat now," he said.

He was relieved that the conversation shifted to one of comfort.

This was the exact reason he loved her around. Yes, she did make him open up to her and become a vulnerable man, but in the end, they would always revert to the comforting friendship that somehow formed over the last couple of months.

She always seemed to be in a battle with herself. One minute she was telling him no, being angry, and then the next, she would tell him yes and become very caring with him.

Which was she? Angry or happy?

Perhaps she was both, he concluded.

"That's not necessary—"

"I'm not taking no for an answer. I'm going to go and change. Do not leave without me."

He left without getting a response from her.

Their relationship may have been bipolar, but he found comfort and something that he never experienced before, so he was alright with it.

* * *

It was no surprise that Syaoran had abandoned his food again. He was watching and listening to her talk about her week.

Why did he even suggest getting food when he never even touches the plate?

Once again, he rented out the entire restaurant to make her feel comfortable with him. He knew that she took her job seriously, so he did not want to risk her losing her license because of him. That was what he told her, at least.

It was not like the entire town knew that he was her patient. In fact, no one knew, as far as he was aware.

It was their little secret.

"Can't you pretend to be interested in what I'm saying, at least?" she asked, smiling at him.

"I am. I heard every word you said," he said truthfully.

How could she even begin to think that he missed a single word, or syllable that left that beautiful mouth of hers?

"What am I talking about then?" she asked playfully.

He smiled, headache completely forgotten. "You have this case with this fucked up patient who's having these dirty thoughts about little kids," he said, face twisting in disgust.

"Syaoran, you shouldn't title a mental patient as 'fucked up,'" she said, putting emphasis on the last two words.

What was it that gets him turned on when she swore?

"I don't agree with pedophilia, but people with this disorder truly can't help it. While it's unpleasant to think about the things he's thinking about, I can't help but feel like he isn't such a bad person. He hasn't acted on the thoughts, and he took it within himself to seek help before he does. He doesn't want to be that way, so he's getting help," she explained to him.

He wanted to judge her for thinking this way about a man who has disgusting thoughts about children, but how could he when she dressed it up so nicely?

She was just a naturally good person at heart.

"My point still stands. He's fucked in the head," he said, in attempt to hide his admiration for her kindness.

She pursed her lips, looking at him with squinted eyes. "I've been very tempted to bring some soap and water with me to wash that dirty mouth of yours," she said with a smile.

He chuckled, hearing the humor in her tone. "You would know how dirty this mouth is, wouldn't you?"

He regretted it the moment it came out, but he could not take it back.

She was quick to respond, which surprised him. "You don't have to remind me, Mr. Li," she said, smiling at him a little to let him know that she was only joking.

He smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "Let's be honest. Not even soap and water can clean this mouth. Especially not when it's already been on your hot, delicious-"

"And it ends there. My point _is_ you don't refer to people with mental issues as 'messed up.' That's why so many people with mental disorders are ashamed, embarrassed, and depressed. When they hear things like that, they restrain themselves from getting help, in fear of being judged."

He thought about it for a moment, letting everything she said sink in.

He did feel embarrassed and ashamed of his behavior. However, depression was one thing he does not experience anymore.

"So what are they, then?" he asked, eyes narrowing in her direction.

She giggled. "Normal people, Syaoran. They're not animals, or whats. They're humans and whos."

He smiled. "So how should we refer them, old wise one?" he asked in a playful tone.

"Normal people with problems like every other person. Everyone deals with different problems every day, including myself."

"I get it. I'm still fucked up in the head, though," he said, shrugging.

"Syaoran," she said, silently scolding him for his language.

"Right. I'll work on it," he promised.

She smiled, looking satisfied. "Good. No more swearing, drinking, or smoking for the meantime."

"What about fu—sex?"

She sighed. "I've figured out the problem because of the patterns, so y..." She stopped, looking deep in thought for a moment. She shook her head as if she changed her mind. "No sex, either," she concluded.

She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip from it, looking a little guilty. He could tell that she was, but why?

He groaned, lifting his left hand up to look at it. "You see this hand here?"

She stared at him strangely, nodding her head slowly.

"It's the same hand that I've been abusing my dick with," he said, annoyed.

Her cheeks turned a shade of red, and she giggled. "Abusing? Okay. What is your point?"

"I'm a man, Sakura. Every time I use this hand, I'm taking off the life of my manhood."

She raised a brow. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm a man who needs to have sex. Real men don't jack off like they've just hit puberty," he explained.

"Syaoran, married men still pleasure themselves," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, they're not real men. And I'm not a married man, so you can't compare me to them."

She rolled her eyes, smiling at him. "Have you ever been married before? I mean, I've never heard anything about it."

He shrugged, wondering how they got on this subject. "Nah. I've never thought about it before because it's too much. I've had my share of girlfriends, so I know what I want in a relationship. However, I doubt there's anyone out there who can handle me."

"Oh yeah? What do you want in a relationship?"

He looked at her, wondering if she was faking interest, or if she truly is interested.

He shrugged again. "I know that I don't want someone who wants me to quit my job. Uh...don't want someone who wants an excessive amount of attention, want kids, after money, and I guess the most obvious, a disloyal bitch." He looked at her as soon as it came out. "I mean, woman."

"You don't want kids?"

He shook his head. "Hell no. That is the last thing I want," he said bitterly.

"Why?" she asked softly.

"Because, I..." He shook his head. "Just no. Besides, I wouldn't be a good father."

She smiled at him sadly. "I think anyone can be a good parent."

"You're telling that to a guy who was raised by a fucked up parent," he said calmly.

They were talking as friends right now. Not as patient and therapist, so there was no reason to feel angry with her...right?

"What happened to your dad?"

"Nothing. I just...it's not that he wasn't a great dad, but I didn't see much of him. And whenever he came around, it was mostly for that..." He stopped, shaking his head. "Syaoran and child equals disaster. You want kids, don't you?"

He already knew the answer, so why did he even ask?

"I imagine myself having kids one day. I'd like to be married first, though."

He smiled, feeling his heart beat faster. She was not taken, at least.

"Are you thinking about it?" He found himself asking.

She shrugged. "Maybe one day. I asked you because you're getting old," she said, winking at him.

His cheeks warmed, looking away. "I'm not. I'm only twenty-eight," he said defensively.

"Right. Open your mouth," she instructed, holding up her chopsticks, full of spinach.

He looked at her strangely. "What?"

"You're eating today to put me at ease. Now open up," she said, pushing the food towards him with the chopsticks.

His cheeks warmed a little more, but he still opened his mouth.

She smiled, placing the spinach in his mouth.

His lips closed down on it, taking the spinach off to chew.

She watched him closely as if he would secretly spit the food out if she looked away.

He swallowed it down, staring in her eyes intensely.

"See? It wasn't that hard, was it?" she asked sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes. "I told you that I'm not starving myself, Sakura."

"Well, I want to see you eat." She paused for a moment. "I mean, you need to eat."

He smiled, leaning on the table with his elbows. "You want to see me eating?"

He gave her a heated look, which she looked away from, as usual. He briefly wondered if she could hear his heart beating right now.

"I didn't mean it like that," she said quickly.

"Like what?" he asked, smirking at her blushing face.

Was she aware of what he had in mind?

"I just meant that it would put me at ease, seeing that you do eat."

"You've seen me eating before."

He suppressed the chuckle at the way her face turned a darker shade of red.

"Not..."

"Spinach is good, but... I'd rather eat and taste something else," he said in a low, dark voice.

She took a deep breath and released it. "U-uh...so, you've been doing fine?" she asked distracted.

"I don't want to talk about my problems, therapy, or anything that has to do with my issues. I just want...to talk."

She nodded. "Okay. What do you want to talk about?"

He was caught off guard by that question. He never knew what to say when people ask that.

"Can we talk about...what happened?" he asked hesitantly.

She sighed, looking away from him shyly.

"Please...look at me. When you look away like that, it makes me feel like you're ashamed of what you did with me. Do you regret it?"

"I don't regret it...but I should—"

"Look at me, damn it," he said softly.

She sighed and looked at him. "I should be ashamed of myself. I have every right to be. I had sex with a patient," she whispered the last part.

He frowned. "Am I really just a patient?"

"No. You're becoming a very dear friend to me now, but—"

"Then stop titling me as your patient. It..."

He stopped, not wanting to tell her that it hurt, or made him feel rejected.

"It what?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Was I not good enough? Did you not feel good? Did you fake all those orgasms? Please, tell me what it is," he begged.

Here he was again, sounding desperate and asking for her approval. Why did it even matter?

She placed her hand on top of his, squeezing it gently.

Unconsciously, he unclenched his fist. "Tell me about it, Sakura. Please..."

She sighed. "No, no, and no. I didn't fake anything and you were good...great. It was amazing, Syaoran. It wasn't supposed to happen, and that's the problem," she tried explaining.

He turned his hand over to hers, grabbing it gently. "But it did. What's wrong with accepting that?" he asked softly that it almost made him question who was talking.

"Accepting it is like saying that it's okay to do," she said in a small voice.

He sighed. "I know it's not okay, you know that it's not okay—we both know this, so what's the problem? We've both acknowledged that it's wrong, so why are you not accepting it?"

She sighed after him, nodding her head. "I know. I just..."

He grabbed her hand, and brought it to his lips, kissing it. He looked up, locking eyes with her. "It didn't feel wrong, so it isn't wrong. My gut told me that it was right when our bodies joined each other. Isn't there a saying? Like, trust your gut feeling or something?" he asked, confused.

She smiled a little, shaking her head. "Yes, but—"

"Can you tell me how you felt? I couldn't tell what you were thinking, feeling, or... _anything_. It's been driving me crazy..." he said, running a hand through his hair.

"It was...great, Syaoran. What are you expecting me to say?" she asked, a little cautiously.

"Why did you sleep with me?" he asked the million-dollar question.

She sighed, using her chopsticks to pick up more spinach. She motioned with the chopsticks for him to open up.

He allowed her to feed him for a little while before he had enough. "Are you ready to tell me now?" he asked.

She sighed once again. "Because I wanted to...and it felt...right at the time," she said. However, she was quick to back up her answer. "That's what the flesh does to us, though. In our minds, we know something is wrong, but because it feels good, we tend to ignore the mind and think that its right since it feels good."

"You're right," he said quietly.

"I know—"

"But you said it felt right. Not good," he said.

She remained silent for a moment, appearing as though she was taking in what he said.

"Yeah, but it's the same thing," she reasoned.

"It's not, Sakura. Me being buried deep inside of you feels good, but my mind tells me that it's right," he said.

He briefly wondered what the purpose of this conversation is.

She would not sleep with him anymore, so what was he trying to prove?

He looked at her flushed face, taking in her appearance. How could he not bury himself deep inside this woman again? There was no possible way that he could live without doing it again with her.

"Tell me something," he said suddenly.

"W-what?"

"What are the patterns of my behavior? You've done enough assessments, or evaluations, even though you don't use that annoying clipboard when I'm around," he said.

"W-well...I don't think that it's necessarily sex that you're after," she said.

He raised a brow, leaning back in the chair. "What do you mean? I love having sex," he said.

"What I mean is...you just use sex to make _you_ feel better. If you haven't noticed, you only become aroused when you're in a state of mind that's not to your liking," she explained.

He thought about it for a moment, but could not help but disagree with her. In all honesty, she was right. However, he could not erase the thoughts of the way he felt the day they had finally had sex. For some reason, he felt like he did not have sex with her because of that explanation.

At any other time, he would agree to that, but the thought of their first time together...it did not feel right to think that he only slept with her because of his condition.

He felt confused now.

"But..." He stopped, refusing to tell her this.

She did not need to know that it was different with her.

"Syaoran," she called softly.

"Yes?"

"There's this group that I have. We get together every Friday evening at six..."

Suddenly, he knew where this was going before it even started.

He shook his head, glaring at her. "No. Fuck no, Sakura. How could you even suggest me going to your little get together to wallow in self-pity?" he asked angrily.

"It's not to wallow in self-pity—"

"I don't fucking care. How dare you feel okay to ask that?"

He was upset with her now. He felt offended that she would ask him to join a group of people who talked about their problems together as if it were nothing. She knew how he felt about this.

"Because I think that it will be good for you. There are people going through the same thing that you are going through. You can relate to people and not feel like you're alone anymore," she tried saying.

However, what she had said went through one ear and came out the other.

"So you're going to sit here and compare me to other fucked up people? You think that's okay?" He frowned with an angry glare on his face. He reached over, grabbing her hand on the table. "I have you, and that is enough to not make me feel alone in this," he said sincerely.

She turned her hand over, grabbing his hand in support. "I know, but group therapy really would help out, Syaoran," she said softly with a smile.

He sighed, closing his eyes. "What did you not get when I said that I didn't want anyone finding out about this?" he asked, tightening his grip on her hand.

"It's a really small group, Syaoran. There's one girl, and three guys. They're all dealing with the same thing as you, and no one would judge or give away anything," she said.

He released a loud sigh through his nose. "No thank you, Sakura. I don't have time to share secrets," he said in a finalizing tone.

"You don't have to share secrets, Syaoran. You could just listen and—"

"No! And that's final," he said sternly.

She sighed, nodding her head.

There was an awkward silence that passed between them for the remainder of their dinner.

* * *

"Thanks for dinner. I had a nice time," she said formally.

Syaoran turned to her and sighed.

They were sitting in his car, by her car outside his apartment complex. They had not really said much to each other after the little argument of him attending the group therapy. It was driving him insane.

"Look, Sakura, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to disregard your help back there," he said quietly.

She stared ahead at nothing in particular blankly, saying nothing.

"Sakura, please talk to me," he whispered desperately.

A few more seconds of silence passed before she turned to him.

He stared into her eyes, surprised to see passion and...lust?

She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over towards him to capture his lips with hers.

Surprised by the sudden kiss, he did not have time to respond because she pulled back after a few seconds.

He looked in her eyes, aroused by the lust in them.

She closed the gap between their lips again, kissing him softly.

He let out a low growl when she bit his lip a little hard. Reaching on the side of his chair, he pulled the lever to slide the seat back. He moved his hand up to caress her face gently.

After a few seconds of making out in the uncomfortable position, she climbed over to his side, resting her bottom on his lap, straddling him.

He opened his eyes, catching her wince. He brought his hands down to her bare legs, adjusting them to get rid of the discomfort from the seatbelt.

After she relaxed against him, sitting completely on his erection, he pulled her face back down to his so he could kiss her with as much passion as she did to him.

His hands slid up her legs and skirt, directly to her ass, grabbing it hard.

He kneads it for a minute over her lace panties until he had enough of the thin material.

Hooking his fingers around the material, he yanked them down her cheeks only half way, due to her sitting position.

He pulled his lips from hers, breathing heavily. "Sit up," he instructed.

She sat up a little, but lost her balance, falling against the wheel. She jumped at the loud honk, moving back from it.

He chuckled, kissing her neck to take her mind off the small accident. He licked up the curve of it before latching his mouth on it.

She moaned, sliding her fingers in his hair to hold him there.

He sucked hard, and then nipped at it softly while his hands continued to pull at the lace garment under her skirt.

When her fingers pulled at his hair a little hard, he began to grow impatient at the stubborn material.

With one hard tug at the material, it ripped.

He smirked against her skin when she gasped. He licked up the length of her neck until he reached her lips again. His hand moved to the front of her so he could rub her wet core.

She moaned against his mouth, rocking her hips against his fingers unconsciously.

The movement created a delicious friction against his crotch.

It was not enough.

With his other hand, he unbuckled his belt, and then his pants. He sat up a little, lifting her body with his so he could pull his pants down a little to free his aching member.

He pulled his lips and fingers from her, panting loudly. "I-is this okay?" he asked.

She kissed his lips and then pulled back. "Do you have a condom in here?" she asked, staring in his eyes seriously.

He groaned, pulling her down for a kiss. He pulled back, nodding his head. "The glove department," he said, pointing to it.

She reached over to the glove department, digging inside of it. "Are you really clean?" she asked whilst searching for the condoms.

"Positive. I took a test a few weeks ago—maybe a month. I'm clean, and I haven't slept with anyone but you...and...I can't get you pregnant," he said, sliding his hands under her shirt.

She shivered, closing her eyes at his fingers caressing her bare skin under the shirt. "W-what do you mean?" she asked.

"Exactly that," he said, pushing her shirt up to reveal her covered breast.

He pulled one cup of her bra down and latched his mouth onto her breast.

When she threw her head back and moaned, he groaned against her and moved his hand down to grasp his member.

He released her breast, looking up at her desperately. "D-do you trust me or do we use a condom? Please, I don't think I can hold off any longer," he said, stroking himself a little to maintain the ache.

She leaned down and kissed his lips softly.

He moaned against her lips, closing his eyes when he felt her hand move his to grasp him. She positioned herself over him, keeping their lips locked together. Slowly, she guided his member to her entrance and sat down fully to take all of him.

He groaned loudly, dropping his hands to her hips.

He tried to imagine dogs eating their own poop to distract himself from coming so early before she even began.

He pulled her face towards his so he could kiss her again. He needed to do something— _anything_ to distract himself from thinking and feeling how good her walls felt around him.

He pulled his lips back from hers, letting out ragged breaths.

Slowly, he began to push his hips upward, silently instructing her to move.

When her hips began to move, he groaned, gripping them tightly so she would not move.

He did not know if he wanted her to continue or stop. He wanted this moment to last forever.

She leaned down and kissed his neck softly before giving it a light lick.

He lost it.

His grip on her hips tightened as he guided them to move up and down quickly all the while thrusting against hers.

When she moaned his name loudly, he closed the gap between their lips.

Feeling her around him like this without any barriers was already enough, but to hear her scream his name? It was too much, and he knew that he would not be able to take it.

Her walls clamped down around him and she was soon doing most of the work as she rode him faster.

He pulled his lips from hers, gasping. "Sakura... _fuck_..." he said in a restrained tone. "I'm..."

His grip held her hips tightly to still her and he did the rest of the work.

When he heard the loud cry of his name, he was pushed over the edge with her.

Her body slumped against his as she buried her face in his neck.

He shivered, feeling her hot, shallow breaths against his skin.

She moaned, pulling back from him weakly. "Can't I breathe for a minute?" she asked.

He smirked at the realization of him going completely erect again inside of her. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely, reaching up to kiss her lips apologetically. "We don't have to do it again."

However, he was already moving inside of her again.

Ten minutes later, she was pulling her shirt and skirt down, and climbing off his lap to her side of the vehicle.

"It's getting late. I really should go," she said softly.

He looked around the car, noticing the foggy windows, so he could not see how dark the sky was. He knew that it was in the late PM'S since he could only see Sakura clearly because of the light stands outside the apartment complex.

"You're right," he said, nodding his head.

She opened the car door. "Thank you for today."

He smiled at her. "Text me as soon as you pull up to your place," he said softly, but he knew she heard the demand in his words.

"Okay," she said, stepping out of the car.

He watched her limp to her car, and then slide in, through her handprints on his window.

As soon as she drove off, a wide grin spread across his face.

That was...

His mind could not even begin to explain what it was.

He had never done anything spontaneous like that before. And he certainly never expected Sakura to have sex with him again.

Never.

Was it their disagreement that sparked her interest in it?

He really wanted to know now. However, he did not want to push his luck.

He sat in his car for a while until his phone buzzed. He picked his phone up, looking at it.

 **'I'm home. Have a good rest tonight.** '

 **'I'll think about Friday,'** he texted back.

He smiled, leaning down to pick up her ripped panties. He put the ripped material in his pocket, and then opened the door.

He was really curious about Kinomoto Sakura now.

He used his elbows to wipe her finger prints off his window.

He was determined to find out more about her too.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks a bunch for the reviews and alerts...also to my beta, theDeviantme for editing the mistakes :). I can't write a heart-felt authors note since I'm currently at work posting this chapter haha xD.**

 **Next chapter should be from Sakura's perspective of things.**


	16. Just a Phone Call Away

**"Just a Phone Call Away"**

* * *

The hot water slapped against her skin, almost washing away her sins, or so it felt that way.

She had never felt so guilty after sleeping with someone, though she had only slept with one man before Syaoran.

Her hands slid the loofah down her body slowly, mind almost imagining his hands. When had wrong begun to feel right?

Her throat bobbed, swallowing the words that she wanted to speak out loud to the empty bathroom.

She knew that this was wrong. No matter how good it felt, it was wrong. No matter how much her body told her she was right for initiating that sinful act in his car, her mind reminded her that it was wrong. _Very_ wrong.

She closed her eyes, feeling goosebumps glide down her body when an image of Syaoran's steady hands flashed across her mind; the way his lips—his _tongue_ — had felt against her skin. Her skin tingled, which only caused her to scrub her skin harder, hoping that the feeling would disappear.

Quickly, she washed her body, and jumped out of the shower before she could let her thoughts wander any further than that.

She dried off, and then dressed for work. She then rushed to the mirror to apply a little make-up to her face until she noticed the little purple mark on her neck.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she could hardly recognize the woman staring back at her. Her face was flushed, eyes heavy with arousal.

She applied foundation to the marks on her neck, blending it in with the rest of her skin.

She had only thought about Syaoran and the car incident for _one_ second and she was already ready to run back for more. She refused to be the first to cave in again. Besides, it was only Monday, the beginning of a new week.

She wished that she could say that it was refreshing, but how could she when all she could think about was her behavior lately?

First, she ran after a patient who expressed how much he did not want to see her anymore. And then, she purposely hurt him by using his weakness against him to make herself the stronger person in a situation.

And God-forbid she ever forgot about their first time in bed together. A night that never should have happened, yet she felt glad that it did.

She had promised herself to never do it again, so why did she do it again, she wondered. Why did she initiate the sex in the car? And why did she enjoy it probably more than he had?

There were so many questions flying through her head, yet she already had the answer to all of them. She knew why she had sex with him, why she initiated the whole car incident, and why she enjoyed it.

She almost felt proud of herself, thanks to her newfound confidence. But, no. She refused to revel in the wrong. Admitting that she liked it was bad enough. To feel proud of it was on another level of immortality.

She walked to the kitchen, fixing herself a cup of coffee. Once she finished, she sat at the table and began to drink it slowly.

Was she such a bad person to take advantage of him the other night? Well, she had not thought of it as taking advantage of him, but the text that came afterwards made her feel like it.

She did not purposely have sex with him just so he would agree to the Friday night sessions. But when she received that text, it made her wonder if the thought of him agreeing was in the back of her mind while they were having sex.

She had sex with him for her own selfish reasons, not to make him say that he would think about the Friday night group sessions.

She reminded herself of this over and over again Saturday night, trying to convince herself that she would never manipulate a person like that.

Never in her days had she ever manipulated a person like that, so why did that small voice keep trying to tell her that was the reason she did it?

She initiated the sex with him because she wanted to. She wanted to ease the tension between them before they called it a night. All they had to do was talk, she knew, but sex seemed to be the first thing she thought of.

Was it because she felt afraid that he would do something irrational again because he was angry with her? Or was it that she felt compelled to meet his needs before he decided that he had enough of not having sex?

Or maybe, the argument lit something in her body on fire to cause her to desire him so much. This was all new to her because she never did things like this.

Her phone buzzed on the kitchen table as she drank her coffee. She picked it up, reading the text.

 **'Morning, Saks. Are you coming in today? If so, what time?'**

It was Akinari.

Would she really be able to face him and talk about the way she had been feeling lately when she was sleeping with a patient?

She replied back with, **'Can't. Maybe later this week. Have a great day :).'**

She was not ready to face him yet.

Another text followed after she sent that.

 **'Good morning, Sakura. I hope you have a great day.'**

Uncontrollably, a smile tugged on her lips at the text, and she pressed the power button off. It was Syaoran.

Though she felt guilty for her actions, she could not find it in herself to take the guilt out on him. This was her fault. She decided on her own to sleep with him this time, so she was not upset with him because she had no rights to be.

They had talked on the phone last night when he got off work late. He almost begged her to stay awake until he got off work so they could talk, so she ended up agreeing.

She had nothing else planned, and she did not usually go to sleep early, so she found no problem with it. Or maybe this was what she said to convince herself that it was alright.

Besides, they had only talked about their day. Okay, maybe he had become a little personal with her, but it was nothing over the line. Just that he missed her and could barely wait to see her Tuesday. That was it. She did not even say it back to him, so it was okay.

She ran her fingers through her hair, frustrated. Did she _really_ sleep with Syaoran to make him agree to the group therapy, or because she feared that he would sleep with another if she did not agree to sleep with him anymore?

She knew the answer, but at the same time she did not, which nearly drove her insane. She needed to know for sure, even though that small voice in the back of her head was saying it was the former.

Even if it were those two reasons, why did she agree to have unprotected sex? That was the stupidest thing she had ever done, but she trusted him. With this, at least.

Everything else he had told her was the truth, so why would he lie about that, she had reasoned the night she got home.

She paused, thinking for a moment. Would she ever have sex with him again? She already knew the answer now.

Yes, she would. Only if he initiated it, though. She would continue to have sex with him as long as he spilled more secrets to her.

She mentally cringed, not believing that she had just concluded that.

It was the only thing that made her feel okay with their inappropriate relationship. Also, Syaoran had kind of blackmailed her into continuing their little sessions together.

He would tell the town about their little activities if she stopped seeing him, so she had no choice.

She drunk the last of her coffee and stood from the table, grabbing her phone. She walked over to a photo hanging on the wall. She caressed the face on the photo, frowning.

"You'd understand, right Eiichi?" she asked it quietly. "Of course, you would..."

She walked away from the photo, and grabbed her purse from the table.

Deep down inside, she knew she had only been sleeping with Syaoran for one reason.

A reason she refused to acknowledge.

* * *

Sakura slipped her shoes off at the front door, closing the door behind her. She was tired, but had promised Tomoyo that she would come over tonight to see some of the designs that she had come up with.

"I'm glad that you could make it!" Tomoyo exclaimed, hugging her tightly.

Sakura smiled, hugging her back. "I can't stay long. I have a patient early in the morning," she said, glancing at the clock.

It was only 8:35pm, but she wanted to get as much sleep as her body would let her tonight. She had to mentally prepare herself for Syaoran too. He would surely take a lot out of her.

"That's fine. I'm just glad that you could make it," Tomoyo said, grabbing her hand to pull her in the living room.

"Hey, Sakura-san," Eriol said distractedly, eyes paying attention to something else.

Sakura's eyes turned to the device that had Eriol's attention and saw that it was on the channel of a football game. She smiled at him. "Hey, Eriol-kun."

"His attention's been gone for the last hour or so," Tomoyo said, rolling her eyes dramatically.

Sakura giggled, following her up the stairs to her designer room.

Once they settled in Tomoyo's room, Tomoyo was already on the subject that Sakura knew she would surely bring up.

"Did you sleep with the mystery man again?" she asked, smiling widely.

Sakura's cheeks warmed, and she took a deep breath, nodding her head slightly. She could keep this from her therapist, but not Tomoyo. She just needed to get these pent-up emotions out to someone. Who better to, than her best friend that was not her therapist?

Tomoyo squealed, clapping her hands together. "How was it? Was he as good as the first time? Or better? Or worse? Did you enjoy it? Did— "

"Tomoyo," Sakura called, grabbing her shoulders. "Breathe."

Tomoyo took a deep breath, and then released it. "You're right. I'm getting way ahead of myself, aren't I?"

Sakura giggled, nodding her head. "Yes, you are. One question at a time."

"Who is it?" she asked immediately.

Sakura shook her head. "Aside from that."

Tomoyo sighed exasperatedly. "Sakura, you can't keep this from me forever."

She sighed. "I know, Tomoyo. I'm just…it's nothing serious, really. I'm just…I don't even know why I'm sleeping with him," she said, half truthfully.

"Have you talked to Akinari about it?" Tomoyo asked, sounding a little worried.

"No. And I don't want to," Sakura said immediately.

Tomoyo stood from the chair by the door, walking over to her dresser to grab a brush. "Sakura," she called, motioning to the chair in front of the mirror.

Sakura sighed, walking over to the chair to sit in it. She already knew what Tomoyo wanted.

She brushed through her hair, remaining silent.

"Just say it, Tomoyo. I already know what's coming," Sakura said, having enough of the silence her best friend had given her.

"This isn't because of him, is it? You know what Akinari's told you about this," Tomoyo said in a warning tone.

Sakura met her gaze in the mirror. "I promise that it's not because of him…I like this guy," she said, hearing the honesty in her own words for the first time in a long time.

Tomoyo stopped mid-brush, locking eyes with Sakura. "Really?"

Sakura nodded her head, smiling a little. She wanted to tell Tomoyo that she had no other choice because he was her patient, but erased the thought just as fast as it came. She did like him, so she wanted to leave it at that. She found no need to go into details about who the man was.

"He's nice, but he has a few issues of his own, so you know…I don't want to get in a relationship with anyone who has any problems they can't fix on their own," she said, almost believing herself.

"Mentally?" Tomoyo questioned, brushing her hair slowly.

"Yes," Sakura said simply, not wanting to give away any details.

Tomoyo nodded slowly, face appearing deep in thought. "So…you're sleeping with him because?"

Sakura thought about it for a moment. Her face began to grow hot at the thoughts running through her head of their time spent together, and then the second time. "It's…intense. I would even go as far to say that it's mind-blowing, toe-curling, and back-arching good sex," she said, smiling at Tomoyo.

Her best friend had always used those words to describe good sex. And Syaoran surely made her experience all those things.

"Wow. Are you sure you're not in love?" Tomoyo asked in as joking tone.

Sakura giggled, nodding her head. "I'm positive," she said truthfully. "Besides, I'm a big girl. I know the difference between liking someone and being in love."

"So…you're sleeping with him…because you…like him?" Tomoyo asked slowly.

Sakura hummed, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Did she _really_ like Syaoran?

"Yes. Like…I like Aki," she said, smiling at her best friend.

Tomoyo gasped. "So, you're sleeping with Akinari too?" she asked disbelievingly.

Sakura's eyes widened. "No, no, no. That's not what I meant. I just meant…I like this guy."

"You're not helping me here, Sakura. What is it?"

"I like him, and he's great in bed," she concluded for her friend. She was beginning to confuse herself just as much as Tomoyo is.

"So…you're ready to try out a relationship?" Tomoyo asked nonchalantly.

"No," she said quickly.

"Then, what the heck, Sakura? You're confusing me," Tomoyo said, sighing.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry…" she said sheepishly. "I'm just so confused about all this," she added in a small voice.

A knock came to the door, interrupting their conversation.

"It's open, honey," Tomoyo called.

The door opened, revealing Eriol. "I'm hungry. I was wondering if you guys wanted me to order in Chinese?"

"That's fine with me," Sakura said.

Tomoyo nodded.

Once the door closed, Tomoyo turned back to Sakura. "Well, let's just assume that you're sleeping with him because you need some of that pent-up sexual frustration to be released," Tomoyo said, smiling at her.

Sakura's face grew hot, heart warming at her friend's explanation for her behavior. Leave it up to Tomoyo to make her feel better about herself.

"Thank you…" Sakura said sheepishly.

"Just…please, don't get hurt," Tomoyo begged.

Sakura smiled, nodding her head. "Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. I promise that I won't," she said.

"Good. Now, tell me about this amazing sex."

" _Tomoyo_ ," Sakura whined, embarrassed out of her mind.

"I'm serious! You know that I want details on everything," Tomoyo said, sitting the brush down on the dresser. She walked over to a book shelf by the door. She picked up the art book, bringing them over to Sakura.

Sakura smiled, eyes landing on the design of the front page. "Did you draw that?!" she asked excited.

Tomoyo gave her a pointed look. "I'm serious, missy. Details, details!"

Sakura sighed, already knowing there was no way out this. "The car…" she said sheepishly, face heating up.

Her best friend gasped, hands flying to her mouth. "Sakura!" Tomoyo exclaimed exasperatedly.

Sakura stood from the chair, walking away from her appearance in the mirror. "I know…I'm not proud of it, but Tomoyo, it was amazing."

"I'm not judging, Sakura. Trust me, I'm not. I wish that Eriol was that spontaneous," Tomoyo whisper yelled.

"Uh…" Sakura swallowed nervously. "I…that was me," she said shyly.

Tomoyo dropped the book, eyes locking with Sakura's. "You're lying…" When she saw the look in Sakura's eyes, she gasped. "You're lying!" she exclaimed.

Sakura buried her face in her hands, releasing an exasperated sigh. "Please…don't praise my immature behavior. That screams, 'teenager with no self-control, trying to hide from parents,' behavior."

"No, no, no, Sakura. This is good. You're _living_ , getting better and _feeling_. This is what you need. Before you met this guy, you would have never done anything like this, which is good, Sakura. You were almost like a walking zombie, no offense, but seriously. Am I ever going to meet this glorious man?" Tomoyo asked, sounding more excited about her behavior, the more Sakura told her.

"Tomoyo. Do you hear yourself right now?" Sakura asked disbelievingly.

"Sakura, you're my best friend. I need to meet this man. It's not even a want anymore. Am I going to meet him?"

Sakura bit her lip nervously, almost tearing into her skin. "Maybe," she said quietly.

"I'm holding you to that, young lady. We aren't going to live forever, and you're not taking this man to the ground with you. Now, look at these outfits here and choose the five that looks the best."

Sakura sighed in relief, glad that the conversation was over.

"I like this one here."

* * *

As soon as Sakura walked through her doors, something buzzed loudly in her purse, scaring her.

She dug in her bag, grabbing her phone out and looked at it. She frowned at the text.

 **'I won't make it tomorrow.'**

She wondered if she should text back, or ignore the text. However, her questions were answered when her cell began to ring. She picked it up, not making a single sound on the phone.

 _"Sakura?"_ Syaoran called.

"Why aren't you going to make it tomorrow?" she asked calmly, not wanting to come off as upset or needy.

She glanced at the clock to see that it was 11:03pm. She had stayed late at Tomoyo's, after all.

 _"The hospital's going to be busy,"_ he said with a sigh.

"Oh," she said plainly.

 _"What is it?"_ he asked, sounding a little worried.

She smiled, heart beating fast at the concern in his voice. He had been a lot more caring lately. "It's nothing."

 _"I really want to…"_ he said in a shushed tone.

"Where are you right now?" she asked, sounding curious about his tone.

He sighed. _"Hold on…"_ he trailed off.

Her brows scrunched together, listening to anything she could hear on the phone. She could only hear ruffling and distant voices. She sighed, taking her shoes off. She did not understand why he would call if he was so busy.

Ten minutes of hearing the same thing caused her irritation to grow, so she ended the call. Who had time to sit on a phone when they had other things to do, she reasoned.

She locked her door, and then walked to her room. She debated whether she wanted to take a bath, or just get some sleep. Closing her eyes for a moment, she realized that sleep was the last thing her body wanted, so she decided to run water.

Once the water finished, she stripped from her clothes, pulled her hair up, and then stepped in the water. The moment her muscles began to relax, she jumped at the sound of her phone ringing loudly on the stool in the quiet room. For some reason, she already knew who it was.

She reached over, grabbing the phone to answer it. "If you're still busy, I can't just sit on the phone and listen to air," she said with a hint of playfulness in her tone.

He chuckled. _"I'm not."_ She heard a door close softly on the other end. _"Oh, and I'm at the hospital, by the way."_

She pulled the phone back from her ear, looking at the time before placing it near her ear again. "It's almost 11:30," she said.

He sighed. _"I know, I know. I'm not even going to be able to make it home tonight. We have a lot of patients."_

She pulled her knees up to her chin, face appearing deep in thought. "Is everything alright?" she asked.

 _"There was an accident earlier today, so I haven't had a single break all day. This is the first time I've been able to sit down all day,"_ he said with a sigh.

"Oh…well, I'm sorry to hear that," she said sympathetically.

 _"It's fine. I'm in my office now. Alone."_

She rolled her eyes, even though he could not see. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asked as a smile crept to her lips.

 _"I can get a little me time. If you know what I mean,"_ he said with a velvety tone.

She cleared her throat, ignoring the tug in her stomach. "Well, that's good. Also, it sucks you can't make it to the session tomorrow," she said, hoping to change the subject.

He sighed. _"Thanks for reminding me. You know I really want to be there_ …" he said, sounding a little depressed.

She giggled. "Are you sure? Or is it that you just want to see me?" she asked in a teasing tone to lighten the mood between them. She paused, briefly wondering if she was really playing along with him.

He chuckled, and she heard papers being rummaged through. _"It's the same thing,"_ he said a little distracted.

"It's not. Are you looking forward to the talking part, or the seeing me part?" she asked, smiling a little.

He was quiet for a moment, but she knew that he was still there. "Syaoran?"

 _"I'm still here,"_ she heard him say distantly.

Did he have her on speaker?

"What are you doing?" she asked, lowering her voice a little.

No response came.

She frowned, checking to see if he was still on the phone. "Syaoran?"

She sighed when she received nothing on his end again. She remained silent for a few moments, waiting. Waiting for him to come back to the phone, or at least tell her goodbye.

She could admit that she did want to talk to him, especially knowing that she would not see him tomorrow. But who would stop time for them until he was no longer busy, just so they could have a conversation? Not even God himself would do that for her since she was already breaking the law.

Sakura closed her eyes, wondering what she was doing to herself at this point. She liked Syaoran, no doubts about that, but she surely was not ready for a relationship, nor was he. And even if she wanted a relationship, it would not be able to be with Syaoran. His condition, and her job came first in her life, and there was nothing that could change that.

Syaoran was too complicated for her. One minute he was up, and then the next, he would be down. Also, he made her wonder if this newfound interest he had in her was healthy.

He always missed her when they were not in each other's presence; he smothered her with attention whenever they were together; and now he had this whole possessive thing going on?

She was beginning to believe that he thought they were in some kind of relationship.

She never felt that he wanted to be with her like that. It was quite clear that he wanted to have sex with her because she was a woman. She even went as far to think that maybe the obsession he seemed to be building with her was because she made him experience that loss feeling of love.

She sighed, frustrated with her thoughts. How was she to know anything he felt when he offered so little?

Thinking this made her feel annoyed with the man on the phone. She ended the call, sitting the phone on the stool by the bathtub.

Immediately, it rung after she ended it.

She ignored it the second time it rang, but when it rung for the third time, she answered it.

"Seriously, Syaoran."

 _"I'm sorry. I had to find these... papers, and one of my employees came in. I promise that I'm free now,"_ he said, almost sounding sure of himself.

She sighed, nodding her head. "Okay."

 _"But, I'm looking forward to them both. I love talking to you, and I certainly love seeing you,"_ he said.

Her face warmed, heart fluttering at his response. He had really been listening to her.

"So, you're fine with talking about your...problems with me?" she asked in a small voice.

 _"Yes. Talking to you makes me feel normal,"_ he said. _"Haven't I told you this before?"_

She shook her head, forgetting they were not in each other's presence. "No. Unless I'm forgetting something," she said, smiling.

She heard him sigh and say something she could not catch.

"What is it?" she asked. Suddenly, she felt her body growing hot. Or was it the water she had been sitting in for a while now?

 _"I'm horny,"_ he said with a sigh, confirming what she suspected she heard.

She swallowed as her face grew hot as well. She wondered what she could ask him besides why, because he would just go into details about his dirty mind.

She tried to explain how he only wanted to have sex whenever he wanted to feel better. It all made sense now.

In every session they had, he only tried to make advances on her when she brought up a topic that he felt sensitive about. All the questions she had asked him connected to the way he felt, which led up to his actions. Also, he had told her himself that he loved having sex because it made him feel...safe?

Why would he not feel safe, though? Did his mother do something that made him feel unsafe?

And then he told her that his mother would give him...a gift that he would forever remember on his birthday?

She wondered what that was all about. Was it a form of physical punishment? Emotional punishment? Mental punishment?

She sighed, running her hand down her face **,** frustrated. She could never understand why he mentioned something, but refused to give details about it.

 _"Sakura?"_

She looked up, hearing her name, and then remembered they were still on the phone.

"What is it?" she asked quietly.

She wanted to scream at him and demand answers, but she knew that no such thing could be done.

He was still her patient.

 _"I said I'm horny,"_ he repeated.

"I heard you," she said in a tight tone.

 _"What's wrong?"_

 _You won't tell me anything!_

"Nothing."

 _"Tell me. Maybe I could make it better,"_ he said softly.

She wanted to yell at him right then and there.

"It's nothing you can help with," she said.

" _Try me,"_ he said testily.

She sighed, sitting up from her slouching position in the water to get in a more comfortable sitting position. "N—"

 _"Is that water I'm hearing?"_ he asked in a husky voice.

She blushed, feeling her entire body shiver at the tone. "That is none of your business," she said softly.

 _"God, Sakura, you can't do this to me,"_ he said with a groan.

She felt a little offended that he was implying that she was doing something to him, while he was the infuriating one who barely gave her anything to work with.

"And you can't do this to me," she said haughtily.

 _"What?"_ He sounded confused.

"Tell me something and then leave out all the necessary details," she said.

 _"Sakura, what are you talking about?"_ he asked, still sounding confused.

"Why are you horny, Syaoran? Don't tell me it's because you're thinking about me. What were you thinking about before you called me? Before your body decided to become all hot and horny because you were 'thinking' about me. What's been on your mind all day? For the last hour or two? Who were you thinking about, aside from me, and what were you thinking about?" she asked in one breath.

She was so tired of being patient with him. She always had the patience to tolerate everyone's behavior. It was different with him, though.

Why could she never display the actions of an impatient person like everyone else does? Why did she always have to be the one to hold her tongue with people who had no cares in the world for her health?

She knew all of this came along with being a psychologist, but Syaoran made her feel different about all of this. He made her _feel_ different. He made her feel like a normal person, rather than a psychologist.

Since he made her feel this way, did she not have a right to treat him and his cruel behavior as a normal person would?

 _Yes._

 _"Sakura, I—"_

"No! I don't want to hear anything you have to say unless you're answering those questions," she said, eyes closed tightly. She could hear and feel her heart thundering in her chest under the water.

He was silent on the phone, making her wonder if she had been out of line.

 _Of course, I'm out of line._

 _"It's been a long day..."_ he said quietly.

She took a deep, silent breath, hoping to get her heart and breathing under control. She still said nothing.

 _"I haven't had time to think about anything but these patients here..."_ he stopped before continuing, _"When you came to mind, I remembered tomorrow...the session."_

She waited for more, but it did not seem like he would continue. "Sy—"

 _"And the things you would make me talk about. Force me to talk about. Everything from childhood me to fucked up me. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to feel the way you've made me feel during those sessions anymore. I dread going to those things, but you're the only reason I go because I want to see you. Seeing you makes me feel like childhood me. Seeing you makes me feel like a normal person without the problems. That's everything I was thinking before I called you,"_ he said.

For a moment, she felt guilty for being upset with him, but the feeling washed away immediately. Lashing out on him was the only way she could get him to talk.

"So, you wanted to have sex to distract yourself from the feeling?" she asked.

He sighed exasperatedly. _"I want to have sex with **you** , Sakura,"_ he said, putting emphasis on her name. _"And now...knowing that you're sitting in a bath tub all wet...water probably trickling down your creamy, beautiful skin... I'm harder than I've ever been before,"_ he said, voice thick with arousal.

Her entire body from her face down grew hot, but she knew it was wise to keep her mouth closed, lest she said something she might regret later.

 _"Tell me...how would you feel if I were there with you right now, touching you?"_ he asked in low, husky voice.

Her breath caught in her throat at a loss for words.

 _Hang up, hang up, hang up!_

Her mind continuously yelled at her, yet her body ignored it.

"Syao—"

 _"Don't tell me. What about I tell you how you would feel? I am the doctor here, so I know every single detail about your body...what causes pain and pleasure."_

Her eyes grew heavy, mind almost becoming intoxicated with his husky voice. Still, she said nothing.

 _"I want you to imagine my hands."_

Before her mind could retaliate, an image of his cool, steady hands painted itself in her head.

 _"Okay. Now, imagine them on your bare, shoulders."_ He groaned. _"On your soft, delicate skin..."_

She almost lifted her unoccupied hand to rest it on her shoulders, but she stopped herself.

She would listen, but not participate.

 _"God, I'm so hard for you,"_ he groaned out. He was quiet for a moment before he continued. _"Imagine my hands sliding down your arms slowly,"_ he said in a low voice.

And she did. She even shivered.

 _"You'd shiver...that's how your body reacts to my touch,"_ he said.

She looked around to confirm that he was not there with her. He paid attention to the little things, she noted.

 _"I'd slide my hands back up your body to rest on your shoulders again before I move them over to your chest."_ She could hear a chair squeak, making her assume that he had just stood. _"Think about the way my hands would move down your body slowly until they reach your beautiful breasts. Shit..."_ He stopped again. _"I really want to touch them, right now. No, I want them in my mouth."_

She inhaled a deep breath, holding it. Was this water hotter than normal?

 _"Think about the way my tongue would feel licking your left, hard nipple? And the way my hand would tug and pull on the other? God, I really want you right now..."_ He stopped again.

 _"Sakura?"_ he called weakly.

With quivering lips, she cleared her throat. "Y-yes?" she answered, sounding foreign to herself.

 _"I can't hold off until the next time I see you,"_ he said in a strained tone.

Her eyes shot open and she sat up in the water more. "What do you mean?" she asked tightly, heart racing.

Was he saying what she thought he was implying?

 _"I can't wait to see you to come again,"_ he said.

She heard a door close on his end of the phone.

"What are you talking about, Syaoran?" she asked, voice rising a bit.

 _"I... I need to touch—to feel some kind of stimulation,"_ he said rushed.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

 _"I'm going to the res—"_

 _"Dr. Li, there's an emergency,"_ she heard a female voice. _"We paged you and—"_

The call ended after that, preventing her from knowing anything further than the fact that he ignored his pager.

She sighed, sitting her phone on the stool. The slight movement caused her muscles to stiffen, feeling the cold water brush her skin.

Had she really been in the bath that long?

Closing her eyes, she splashed her face, hoping to wash away the flush.

She could not believe that she almost let Syaoran initiate phone sex with her. _Phone sex._

What was she thinking?

Oh, right, how sexy his voice sounded.

She groaned, dropping her head in the water before she quickly washed her body, and then jumped out the tub. She dressed for bed and settled under the comfy sheets.

Her eyes glanced at the clock on the wall in front of her door to see that it was 2:35 a.m, approximately two minutes before _it_ happened.

She needed these two minutes to pass quickly so she could try to sleep.

She looked at the clock again to see that only three seconds had passed.

She closed her eyes, mentally counting the seconds herself. When she opened her eyes, and looked at the clock, only fifteen seconds had passed.

She groaned, pulling the covers over her head so she could drown out the existence of the world.

It was the same every night, at the same time, in this same position that sleep would never seize the day for her.

Why, she wondered. Why could she never sleep through this time of torture? What did she ever do to deserve this pain?

Sakura closed her eyes tightly, holding on to her shirt over her heart as if she had it in her hand. She wanted it to stop. She needed the pain to go away, so why would it never go away?

Pain was the only emotion that she had ever felt since _that_ happened. She often questioned to the greater beings every night if she did something to deserve this torturous pain.

But no one answered. No one would respond with the answers she desperately wanted, which only forced her to conclude that she did deserve this pain.

Maybe if she tried hard enough, she would not be in pain. Maybe if she gave everything she had, she would not be in this mental state. But no, she did not give her best, and she certainly did not put everything she had into _that_.

Sakura took a deep breath, holding on to it so she could feel _this_ again. She needed to experience the feeling of death knocking at her door.

When she felt her head spinning and tears burning the back of her eyes, she released the breath, throwing the covers back from her face. She sat up, eyes locking on the clock.

She sighed, smiling at the time. It was twenty minutes until three, which meant she could try to sleep now. She laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Sleep never came, though.

* * *

 **'Won't be able to make it tomorrow.'**

Her jaw tightened, but she switched her phone off nonetheless to keep herself from feeling disappointed by the text.

Syaoran had been busy this week, so they had not really talked much. After their phone call on Monday, he never called until late last night, and that was only to apologize about their previous conversation the night before that had been interrupted. He explained that a patient had run off from the hospital, or something along the lines. However, their conversation ended as soon as it started because he had to get back to work.

It was now Wednesday and she was waiting for one of her patients to get there. The lady was running a little late than normal, which was not something that happened very often.

Sakura could feel her heart beginning to tighten in pain and worry. Hashimoto Cheiko was never late, in fact. She had obsessive compulsive disorder, or what most people knew it as – OCD, so it was odd that she was not here yet.

Recently, the lady had been depressed, so she resorted to alcohol to drown out the depression. She had run straight to Sakura to get rid of the habit before it became too late.

It had only been six weeks since they started therapy, but Sakura could see a difference in her attitude and responses to questions she asked. It was not a lot, but even a little change was big for Sakura.

Sakura glanced at the clock once again to see that the lady was running seven minutes late now. She sighed, deciding to stop stressing about it. Besides, it should be of the lady's freewill to come as she pleased.

But why was she so worried about her? Why was something nagging at her, telling her that something had happened to the lady to prevent her from coming on time today?

Perhaps she was thinking too deeply about this.

Sakura picked her phone back up and responded to Akinari's text that he sent earlier that morning.

 **'I'm booked for the rest of the week, so I won't be able to make it this week.'**

She pressed the power button off again, taking a deep breath. She was still not ready to see him. She needed a little more time before she could face him again. If she saw him now, she would probably break down in front of him and spill all her dirty secrets.

She frowned, mentally shaking her head at the cruel thoughts. Syaoran was not her dirty secret. He may be her secret, but not a dirty one. She wondered how she could define him by his disorder when she had just chastised him for doing that to other people.

Syaoran was not dirty. He just had a problem just like everyone else had problems.

Another text came in.

 **'Are you okay? I can come over after I get off work.'**

She smiled at the text, feeling her heart clench in guilt.

 **'Thank you, Aki. But, I'm fine :)'**

He sent a text back immediately with, **'Positive? You know I can come over at any time you want me to.'**

 **'I'm positive. Stop your worrying.'**

A few minutes passed before she got another text. When she looked this time, it was from Syaoran.

 **'Are you upset that I can't make it?'**

She looked at the previous text and saw that she did not respond. Another text came, so she swiped the notification bar down and read the text from Akinari which read, **'You know I can't help it, love ;)'**

She smiled at the text, rolling her eyes at the endearment name. She texted back, **'Well you better before I pop that wart, you worrywart :P'**

She switched her phone off, turning to her computer to respond to emails while she waited for Cheiko to get there.

A text came thirty minutes later after she had responded to as many of the emails she could answer.

 _I really need to keep up with these emails!_

She picked up her cell and looked at the text.

 **'?** '

Her brows scrunched in confusion at the text from Syaoran until she looked further up at the previous texts. Her cheeks grew hot at seeing that she sent the wrong message to him.

Quickly, she typed a response, **'I'm not upset. See you next week on Tuesday,'** and switched her phone off completely.

She glanced at the clock to see that it was past the hour of her session time with Cheiko. She frowned, wondering what held the woman up today.

Before she could further worry about the woman, the door opened, revealing another one of her patients.

She smiled at him brightly. "Hello, Mr. Haruto!"

* * *

Sakura had everything set in the building for the session that would take place in an hour or so.

All the chairs were lined into a circle so everyone could face each other. All she had to do was wait until they got here, which should be in less than thirty minutes.

Shinomoto Akiho would be the first to arrive, and the only girl out of the group. She had long, light, blonde hair that she always seemed to curl, and crystal blue eyes. Like the rest of the group, she struggled with Sexual addiction as well.

She had been taken against her will at the age of eight by multiple men when her parents went out of town for a trip. One of the men was a hired babysitter, but as soon as her parents left, he called his friends over to have their way with her.

She had decided on a whim to get help, just as most of her patients did with this condition.

The next to arrive would be Yamamoto Sato. He would also arrive early like Akiho would. He had sandy brown hair and hazel eyes.

Just like Akiho, he was also introduced to sex at a young age. However, it was not in a gruesome way with him as it was with her. He just simply saw things that he should have never seen at the age of five.

Tanaka Rui would arrive next, five minutes before the sessions would began. He had raven black hair with ocean blue eyes. He was the odd one out of the bunch. He had weird kinks and fetishes that were dangerous, but he felt addicted to the acts.

Watanabe Hayato would be the last to arrive, ten minutes late, which he purposely does to interrupt the session. He had chocolate brown hair with grey eyes. He almost reminded Sakura of Touya with his stubbornness.

She did not really know the reason behind his condition. If she were being honest, she did not really know what his problem was. Most times, he would show just to listen and not say a word to anyone. She never complained, though. She figured he must be getting better if he continued to attend the sessions.

Glancing around the room, she made sure everything was in place before her door opened. She looked at the clock to see that it was 5:20pm.

"Hi, Sakura-san!" Akiho said cheerily, walking over to her so she could hug her.

Sakura smiled, hugging her back a little tightly. "How are you?" Sakura asked after releasing her.

"Great! I'm here and on time," the woman said, grinning at her.

"On time is at six o' clock," Sakura said, winking at her playfully.

Akiho giggled, walking over to the seat she usually sat in, the middle chair. "My on time is at five twenty, missy."

Sakura smiled at her and walked over to her so she could sit next to her. "I know. I would be worried if you didn't show at this time," she said honestly.

Akiho 'tsked,' shaking her head comically. "It's because you worry too much for your patients."

Sakura sighed, with a humorous look on her face. "I can't help it. You guys are such a handful, making me lose hair over you."

Akiho threw her head back, bursting out laughing. "Well, maybe you shouldn't get so personal with your patients."

"I know, I know. I'm too friendly, right?"

Akiho's eyes gleamed with mirth as she nodded.

And they continued to talk about their day and the usual until the others arrived to join in the conversation.

Sakura was enjoying their company, talking freely while they could because as soon as six o' clock hit, everyone would go into serious mode.

By the time six o' clock hit, everyone, or the usual three who would be on time, were all sitting in their seats. It was silent for the last three minutes.

"So, how was your weeks?" Sakura asked to break the ice for everyone.

Akiho was the first to speak. "Well—"

The door to her building opened, interrupting her from continuing.

Sakura looked in the direction and her face hardened to keep up a façade that she did not know the man. Her heart told her otherwise, though.

Suddenly, she felt glad that people could not hear the beating of her heart, despite the fact that she always thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

Everyone in the room stared at Li Syaoran who was still dressed in his green scrubs.

* * *

 **Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I'm really glad that you guys are enjoying the story :). Sorry that I wasn't able to get this done sooner. I was sick majority of last week...but I'm better now. As always, thanks a bunch to my beta theDeviantme, who reads over the chapters for any grammatical errors for me!**

 **Also, I did use a character who is going to be in the new CCS series this year! Guess who it is? :P**


	17. How One Comes To Understand

**"How One Comes To Understand"**

* * *

Syaoran stared at the group of people in the room, but only one person in the room has his attention.

Kinomoto Sakura.

His eyes locked with hers briefly, making him feel like they were the only two persons in the room. But, the trance broke as soon as her eyes strayed from his.

He nearly became annoyed with her, but remembered that no one must know about their time spent together. He was sure that someone in the room would pick up on their connection if they continued to stare at each other like that.

He took a deep breath, closing the door behind him. Why did he come here, anyway? He had told her no when she practically begged him to come to one of her group sessions, insisting that it would help him.

 _Help me, my ass._

His eyes raked over her body until they locked on her face again. He missed her. It had only been six days, but it felt like an eternity.

He had been so busy this week at the hospital that he had to cancel all the appointments with her. It was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do.

It was a wonder how he made the time to get here today. He could only stay for a little while before he would have to get back to the hospital.

It took a little extra time to get the opportunity to come here, so he threw the thoughts of shame and embarrassment of people judging him here, out the window.

Besides, Sakura said that these people would keep their mouths shut about it.

She trusted him when he told her that he was clean and could not get her pregnant. He still could not believe that she placed that much trust in him.

Thinking about it caused him to have a warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach. So, he could give her this much trust and believe her when she said that these people would not judge him.

"It seems that we have someone who would like to join us," Sakura said, breaking his trance again.

He looked at everyone in the room, seeing the woman and two of the men that Sakura told him about.

His fists clenched, looking around at them. Suddenly, he felt nervous about all this.

She had told him that he would not have to say anything, so what was there to be nervous about?

Perhaps it was because he feared that she might force him to talk to these strangers.

 _No, I trust her!_

He cleared his throat, walking further in the room. He looked at a corner to see a chair sitting there alone, so he went to grab it. He brought it over to the small circle and placed it by a guy with sandy-brown hair.

Syaoran did not even bother to speak to him, fearing that he would say something to humiliate himself.

It was quiet in the room, awkward, even. No one spoke, just stared. It was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable and regretful for coming here.

 _What was I thinking?_

"Everyone, would you mind introducing yourselves to him?" Sakura asked, smiling at everyone.

"My name is Shinomoto Akiho, but please, call me Akiho," the blonde said, smiling at him brightly.

His eyes took in her appearance, and everything that he could see from her blonde curls to her crystal blue eyes and plain outfit.

After he finished giving her a glance, he realized the desire to see her naked was not there. He nodded towards her, turning his eyes to the next person.

"Tanaka Rui," the raven-haired man said, nodding towards him.

"Yamamoto Sato," the guy beside him said.

Syaoran looked for the third guy Sakura mentioned, but he was not there.

"Li Syaoran," he said quietly.

Akiho smirked, nodding her head. "We know exactly who you are, doctor," she said in a playful tone.

He ignored her, turning his attention to Sakura.

She gave him a small nod with a slight smile on her lips, warming his insides.

Still, he said nothing else.

"Well, shall we continue?" Sakura asked to ease the tension in the room.

Akiho was the first to speak. "As I was saying before the doctor showed up, my week has been great. I've only given in to the urge three times so far," she said proudly.

 _Is that supposed to be good?_

Syaoran mentally counted the days of the week after that thought until he remembered that it was only Friday. He wondered if that meant that she had sex Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday? Or something like that.

Mentally shaking his head from the thoughts, his eyes trained on Sakura.

"That's great, Akiho!" Sakura said excitedly. "What about you guys?"

Syaoran remained quiet, not daring to say a word.

The man who was named Tanaki Rui chuckled with a blush on his face. "I lost count after five on Tuesday," he said shyly.

"That's okay. You only just started, so it will take time," Sakura said, giving him an encouraging smile.

Syaoran felt his heart tightening at the kind gesture she sent the raven-haired boy. And then, the thoughts started flying in; if she was sleeping with this guy too or giving him the same treatment as she did to him.

His fists clenched, eyes leaving her direction.

 _She said that she's not sleeping with anyone else, though..._

Despite the thoughts of her saying that, there was that voice in the back of his head telling him that she said that they would never have sex again, but they did.

She slept with him, _and_ she initiated it.

"Mr. Li?"

He was snapped out of his thoughts, turning in her direction. "What?" he asked, sounding irritated with her.

Her lip twitched and she cleared her throat. "Are you okay?"

He did not say anything for a while, causing tension to build in the room again.

He nodded.

Sakura gave him a small smile before turning to the Rui guy. "How does that make you feel?"

"The same way Akiho said she felt last week," he said shyly. "I haven't quite found anything that could distract me yet..."

"Has anyone found anything to distract themselves when they feel the urge? If you wouldn't mind sharing," Sakura said.

The sandy-haired man beside Syaoran nodded. "I've been trying to hang out with friends more," he said confidently.

Sakura nodded.

"I don't like hanging out with friends, or I'll just be humiliated on the spot with an erection in front of them," Rui said. "It's hard to control my thoughts around women."

"You could hang out with male friends," Akiho chimed in.

"I don't feel comfortable hanging with them either..." Rui said sadly.

"Have you tried?" Sakura asked.

"No...but, I fear getting a boner in front of them and they'll surely humiliate me..." Rui said. "I don't think I can deal with that anymore."

"Bullying is something that we've all faced at one point of our lives. How we respond to it determines the outcome of the way we view things," Sakura said, leaving the discussion open to talk about.

"It was high school...the guys in the locker room would often taunt me, and declare that I was into guys because of it..." Rui said, blushing in embarrassment.

"I was bullied in high school too," Akiho said quietly. "But, I didn't let it bother me too much."

"I did too...but I handled it quite well," Sato, the man beside Syaoran said.

"What did you do?" Rui asked, sounding interested.

"I taunted and bullied back," he said triumphantly. "It was childish, I know that now, but it made me feel better at the time."

"I wish I thought of that..." Rui said.

"You don't," Sakura said. "Sato-san, would you mind telling us how it made you feel after doing it?"

For a minute, it sounded like she already knew the answer to that question.

"Awful at the end of the day. It just made me feel like...I was like them, ruining the lives of other people. In the moment it did feel great, though, but it wasn't worth it," Sato said.

"Still, how am I supposed to feel comfortable hanging out with friends, while fearing that I'll get the urge?" Rui asked.

"You know, adults are different from high schoolers," Sakura said softly.

"When you're around people and interacting with them, you don't even think about the urge," Sato said.

"See? If you give it a try, you'll find out if it works for you," Sakura said, smiling at him.

Syaoran swallowed, keeping his eyes on her lips. "U-uh...my job keeps me distracted from everything," he said hesitantly.

Everyone stared at him before they gave a slight nod, some even appearing deep in thought.

"That's true. When the firm's busy, I don't even have time to think about the urges," Sato said.

"That's—"

The door opened, interrupting Sakura from further speaking.

A man with chocolate brown hair and grey eyes stood at the entrance with a blank expression on his face. He closed the door behind him and walked over to the empty seat that he always sat in quietly.

"It's nice of you to join us this evening, Watanabe-san," Sakura said sweetly.

When the man looked at Sakura, Syaoran immediately noticed the dark look in his lust-filled eyes. He had to look away before he decided to act on his emotions to tackle the guy to the ground.

 _Is she sleeping with him too?_

His fists clenched, thinking about her taking her clothes off for yet another man. A patient. Someone she talked to the way she talked to him.

He could feel his heart beat increasing as his palms grew sweaty with the heat that seemed to course through his body.

He could not understand why he jumps to these conclusions every time he saw her interact with another man. And this feeling that he could not describe would always creep in at the thought of her with another man.

He knows that Sakura was not his, but he sure as hell would not accept her being with another man when he is around.

"What a surprise to see you here, Watanabe," Akiho said playfully.

The man turned to her, not saying a word.

"We were just talking about ways to distract ones' selves from the urges," Sakura informed him.

Every time she opened her mouth to say a word to him, Syaoran could feel his anger rising to new highs.

The Watanabe man said nothing, but stared at Sakura.

Syaoran let out an exasperated sigh, drawing attention to his self.

"What is it, Li-kun?" Sato asked.

"Is this what these sessions are about?" Syaoran asked without thinking.

"What?"

Syaoran did not know who said it, but how could he care now?

"We just...sit around and strip the therapist of her clothes?" he asked haughtily.

"Li—"

"No, _Dr. Kinomoto_. You should understand when a man is looking at you like you're an object, rather than a person," Syaoran said, glaring at the Watanabe guy.

The man only stared at him blankly, not saying a word.

Syaoran felt himself becoming infuriated with his lack of behavior, so he stood up, ready to launch.

"Stop it!" Sakura yelled, standing from her seat.

Syaoran looked at her, shocked that she had interfered so soon. He could see her throat bob as she swallowed.

"S-sit down, or you'll be asked to leave," she stuttered for a moment before her voice became stern.

Syaoran stood for a moment, contemplating whether he wanted to cooperate or just leave.

Sakura looked him in the eyes warningly, silently telling him to sit down.

He swallowed, moving back to his seat slowly.

The moment he sat down, Akiho let out a sigh. "You're new here, I get that. I don't know why you're here, but I can only assume that it's for the same reason as all of us. When we..." she paused, taking a deep breath. "When we see people, we don't... _see_ people, okay? We see sex. The first attractive thing that crosses our paths, sex comes to mind. Sakura is... ** _very_** attractive, okay? So, yes, Watanabe-san sees sex whenever he looks at her. You don't get to come here and judge us like you know anything!"

"Akiho..." Sakura called softly. "That's enough."

Akiho forced a smile, nodding her head. "I'm sorry. You know how I feel about this," she said softly.

"I know, I know. We talked about this last week, though," Sakura said to her.

Sato cleared his throat, causing everyone's attention to draw to him. "Akiho is right. But, so is Li-kun," he said quietly. "Just because we want to have sex doesn't make it right to disrespect people."

Syaoran set his jaw tight, staring at the floor hard, willing himself not to say anything to anyone. And suddenly, he felt disconnected, yet so connected to them on so many levels.

He knew that he was being hypocritical of the Watanabe guy because, in truth, he was the same way. Whenever he looked at women, all he saw was sex. Or, at least in the past it was this way.

Now, it was different. The urge to look at any woman was not there anymore, he began to realize. Or maybe he did not put himself in situations to see them that way anymore.

"Respect," Sakura said with a smile on her face. "Sato-san said it best. We all want it...so, why is it hard to give it to others?"

Anything else that was said, was drowned out by his thoughts of all this – the coming here, the quiet man looking at Sakura, and just the whole concept of being in the presence of people who deal with the same thing that he deals with.

He missed her, but that was all he could come up with for the reason he came here. She had said that she would see him on Tuesday, but...

Tuesday was way too far away. He needed to see her now. Alone, so they could talk about whatever he wanted to talk about. Not what these people were discussing.

Apparently, respect was a topic that could go further into discussion. So, he gathered his wits together and listened to everyone else talk about their problems, while waiting for the session to end.

As soon as it ended and everyone began to leave, he became relieved. He could finally get some time alone with her, even if it would just be a little.

Patiently, he stood behind the Akiho woman who was currently talking to Sakura.

"I didn't want to mention this in the session since it wasn't the topic of discussion this week. But, I've met this guy..." she trailed off.

Sakura gasped. "Really?!" she asked excited.

"Yes. His name is Yuna Kaito. I met him at the market," she said shyly. "I don't know, though...I wanted to know if I should continue seeing him? He asked for my number and said that he would like to take me out..."

"Why not?" Sakura said, smiling at her. "Before you decide to get serious with him, let him know about this. I'm not saying tell him now, but...just take things extremely slow, okay?"

Akiho nodded and hugged Sakura tightly. "Thank you," she whispered.

Once she let her go, Akiho bid her goodbye then turned around and came face-to-face with Syaoran.

She smiled at him, holding a hand out to him. "I know I seemed a little rude earlier, but no hard feelings, okay?" she asked, waiting for him to shake her hand.

He swallowed before grabbing her hand hesitantly.

She shook it and then released his hand. "It was nice meeting you. Hope to see you next week. Have a great weekend, Sakura," Akiho said, waving goodbye as she walked out of the practice.

As soon as the door closed, Syaoran rushed to her side, pressing his body against hers to the counter desk tightly, and his lips found hers.

Her hands flew up to his chest, but her lips responded to his hesitantly.

He deepened the kiss a little, holding her body tightly against his as his tongue slipped past her parted lips briefly. With a quiet moan, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. "I missed you..." he said, eyes still closed tightly. "God, I missed you..."

He hugged her tightly for a moment before he released her. "Talk...don't scold me yet because I know it's coming, but just...wait. Just talk," he said, still panting from the brief, passionate kiss.

"H-how are you?" she stuttered.

"I'm good. Great, actually," he said, relieved.

She moved her hands up to caress his face gently. "I'm glad you were able to make it tonight," she said softly.

"I had to...I really missed you," he said, leaning down to kiss her again, but she turned her head away.

He grabbed her head gently and closed the gap between their lips again.

She pulled her head back, looking at him. "Stop," she said softly.

"Why? I missed you," he said, frowning.

"Because..." she trailed off.

He sighed. "I'm sorry for ruining this..." he said quietly.

"There's no use for scolding since you know your wrongdoings," she said. "I'm not going to let you think your behavior was acceptable, though."

He sighed once again, but in relief this time that the chastisement was not too bad. "I can't stay long...but, I would like to spend some time with you," he said.

Her pink lips trembled a little, making him think that she might cry. "Spend time as in what?"

"As in...talk..."

"Why did you act out like that then?" she asked. "It better be excusable too."

"Because...that asshole... he was looking at you..." he said, hands trembling in anger at the thought.

"And you don't?" she asked softly with a giggle.

He dropped his hands from her body, clenching them into fists tightly. "That's different," he said stiffly.

"How so?"

He baffled at her question. "I've seen you naked already," he said.

He was glad when he was rewarded with a blush. "Well, you were looking before that..." she said shyly.

He sighed exasperatedly. "Do you like it when guys undress you with their eyes?" he asked irritably.

"No. I love to be very well-respected by all," she said calmly. "But we don't always get what we want."

"Well, I'm not having it. No guy is allowed to look at you like I do," he said, leaning down to kiss her lips softly before pulling back.

"And when was this decided?" she asked, raising a brow.

"When I saw that bastard looking at you like you were some kind of sex doll," he said with disgust.

"I'm not yours, Syaoran," she said, reaching up to brush her lips across his softly. She pulled back before he could respond.

"I don't care," he lied, despite the small sting in his chest at that reminder. "Still, no other guy is allowed to look at you."

She shook her head comically. "So, you didn't come here to talk, really?"

"I came here to see you." He leaned down and kissed her lips briefly. He could not get enough of her lips.

"Well, let's talk," she said, smiling against his lips.

To see and feel that look on her face, he nodded. He would do anything to see her happy. Unless...

"So...I am the only patient you've done this with, right?" he asked, feeling no shame in his insecurities.

She pushed against his chest. "Syaoran," she called, giving him a pointed look.

He moved back from her body and followed her to the little couch across the room like a little puppy. "I'm serious, Sakura..." he said, feeling his cheeks warm.

"I am too," she said, sitting on the couch.

"Are you?" He grabbed her hands between his once they sat on the couch beside each other.

"I already told you this."

His cheeks grew hotter in embarrassment. "Just say it again... every time I see you interact with another man... I can't help but think..." he trailed sheepishly. "And it's driving me mad."

"I'm not, Syaoran. If it's the unprotected sex we had last week that has you worried about these things, that was your fault," she said with a small laugh to ease the awkward tension.

 _Ah...last week..._

His mind brought the images back from that evening in the car with her.

She was...amazing. Perfect, even.

The way her shirt was lifted over her breast, along with her skirt bunched around her waist... and the way she rode him...

It was like no other experience he ever had.

Now that he knew she could be adventurous, he wanted to try out so many positions and places with her. And it would all start at his hospital where he fantasized about her daily. He just needed to figure out a way to get her there.

"It's not that. And, thank you," he said quietly.

She tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Why?"

"For trusting me..."

Her face softened. "Can we talk about that?"

"Of course. Anything you want to know," he said, wanting to please her as much as possible.

"Tell me about this, 'not being able to have kids' thing," she said.

He sighed, not expecting her to ask that. "I don't want to have kids," he said quietly.

"So?" she encouraged.

"Vasectomy," he said simply.

Her face dropped, almost looking disappointed. "Why?" she almost whispered.

"I don't want kids, Sakura...mainly because I don't want to be a terrible parent," he said with a sigh.

When she did not say anything, he knew that he had to say _something_ to make this better.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

"I know someone who's done plenty of successful reversals, so if I change my mind one day, then," he shrugged his shoulders.

He did not plan to get a reversal, because, the fact still remained. He did not want kids. However, he would say whatever he needed to say to ease her worries.

"Still, Syaoran. Surely, you've thought about having your own kid one day," she said.

He sighed. "It doesn't matter. I doubt I'll want them one day, so I don't even have to think about it."

"You don't think this has anything to do with your moth—the woman who gave birth to you?"

His hands tightened around hers a little. "You aren't still thinking that, that bitch is my mother, are you?" he asked in a tone that dared her to answer incorrectly.

"I—It's hard sometimes. Because most—"

He glared at her dangerously, making her cower away a bit. "Don't you dare fucking compare me to most assholes," he commanded tightly.

She sighed. "I wasn't, Syaoran—"

He held a hand up, silencing her. "Just don't. Let's just have sex," he said suddenly, feeling his body grow aroused.

It was bound to happen eventually, he reasoned.

"W-what?" she said, looking confused.

He pushed her down on the couch to emphasize his point. He climbed on top of her, straddling her waist. "Sex." He kissed down her neck slowly, never letting his lips leave the soft flesh.

"W-wait, not here, it's..."

Her eyes closed and fingers slid in his hair as he travelled his lips down to her covered breast. He surprised her by biting her nipple over her shirt because she gasped loudly.

"Stop!" she said immediately.

Hearing that word, he pulled back with a frown on his lips.

"I..I...No, not here. It's wrong, and... you're only trying to do this because of what we're talking about," she said nervously.

He stopped, paused, and took in the emotions that he felt, aside from arousal.

Frustration. Anger. And, sadness?

He looked at her with a frown on his face, finally understanding what she had meant. He got off her, sitting on his side of the couch, wincing at the painful erection in his scrubs. "Okay..."

"Do you understand now?" she asked softly.

Though she did not directly say what she was referring to, he understood what she was asking.

"Yes..."

"These are the times when you should try **not** to have sex," she said in a shaky voice. "This is how sex controls you."

"Sex doesn't control me. It's the other way around," he said. "I have control over everything during sex."

She said nothing, besides let out a small humming sound.

"What is it?" he asked, a little agitated that she said nothing.

"You're not fully understanding it yet," she said softly.

He sighed. "I'm sorry that I've been busy..." he said, deciding to change the subject. He really was not in the mood to argue about that.

"You have a life, Syaoran. You, in no way, should feel bad about having a job that you love," she said with a smile.

His heart warmed, hearing her say that. This was the exact reason why he felt drawn to her. She was so understanding and kind. She made him feel good. Not just about himself, but also the things he does.

"Really?" he asked, sounding like a little child almost.

"Of course. I don't expect you to stop your life just to see me. I mean, getting help is good, but that doesn't mean that you should stop everything else," she said reassuringly.

He sighed in relief. "Thank you," he whispered, bringing her hands up to his lips.

A faint blush appeared on her cheeks as she pulled her hands away from his. "Maybe you'll find the time next week to come in," she said softly.

"I really hope so...I feel like...I mean, I think I'm getting a little better. I don't know...I still have the urge whenever..." he stopped, sighing.

He wanted to tell her that he understood what she meant by him getting aroused whenever negative emotions rose. But, he could not figure out how to.

Also, he certainly did not want to tell her that because she would assume that that was the only reason he slept with her.

It was different with her, though. The day she brought him home, he did not have any negative emotions. She washed all those negative emotions that she stirred at that bar with that hug. The simple hug that made him realize she was different from every other female in his life.

 _Different how, though?_

"What is it?" she asked.

He shook his head from the thoughts. "I do still have the urges, but I'm finding myself to be able to control them a little more now, since I started self-pleasuring," he said.

She nodded her head slowly, appearing deep in thought.

The look made him worry. "What are you thinking about? Tell me," he asked, and then demanded at once.

"You are getting better. It may be hard for you to see it, but three months ago, you couldn't even count on your fingers how many times you had sex with different women in one week. You still have the urges, yes, but you're controlling them more than you used to be able to," she said, sounding a little proud of him.

He bit his lip lightly, holding back a bashful smile at her praise.

She really did make him feel good about himself.

"How many people have you slept with, within the last week?" she asked, seeming to emphasis her point.

"Just you," he whispered, letting his eyes land on her.

Unconsciously, his eyes began to strip her of the clothes. However, he looked away, remembering the Watanabe guy doing the same thing.

 _I have a right to do this, though..._

With that thought in mind, his eyes landed on her body again. Was it really so bad that he wanted to have sex with her? That he wanted to bury his face between her legs again and have another taste of her?

 _Gods..._

He shifted uncomfortably on the couch, feeling annoyed with his hard-on. When he felt her eyes on it, he could feel his face growing hotter, along with his erection rising.

It was as clear as day that he wanted her so badly right now, because his manhood was practically begging her to touch it through his green scrubs.

"Sakura..." he called, almost sounding desperate.

When she looked at him, he leaned up from his slouching position and grabbed the back of her head gently, pulling her lips to his.

It felt like deja vu, an event that occurred between them right here, on this same couch a few weeks ago.

His tongue slid into her mouth slowly, the back of his throat releasing a groan against her mouth at her willingness.

She tasted much sweeter than normal, or was it all in his head?

He stroked the back of her hair gently before his grip tightened in her hair, pulling her face closer to his.

With his actions, he hoped she could silently hear him pleading for her tongue to slide in his mouth.

He gasped, pulling her back from his lips to look at her face when he felt her slim fingers caress the top of his scrub top, nails barely grazing his neck.

With her eyes locked on his, her hands began to slide down his covered chest slowly.

 _Sweet, mother of—_

Her hands stopped, just above the top of his bottoms.

He could feel his insides trembling, or quivering for more.

 _More..._

"Sakura," he called her name weakly.

She leaned over and kissed his lips again, and her fingers slid between his bare skin and the waistband of the scrubs.

His lips responded to hers fervently, taking over the kiss that she had initiated as her fingers slid lower.

 _Fuck, fuck, fucketyfuck_ , he chanted over and over in his head.

He had never felt himself _trembling_ at the touch of a woman's. Never in his days had he felt that his heart would jump out of his chest because of the rapid beating.

His senses were heightened, feeling, hearing, and seeing everything in a lust-filled trance with her.

He pulled his lips from hers, groaning loudly when her fingers grasped him gently.

"Harder," he instructed, removing his hands from her body so he would not hurt her. He rested his hands on the top of the couch, clenching them into fists.

Her hand clasped around his girth a little harder, and began to stroke him slowly.

He jerked a little, tightening his fists. "H-harder," he stuttered, imagining her tight walls around him.

When she grasped him hard enough, his eyes closed as she stroked him slowly. Her nails grazed him a little, causing his hips to jerk towards her hand. "S...Sakura," he tried speaking.

She ran her hand up his length until she reached the tip. Teasingly, she ran her hand over the top.

"Sakura!" He jerked again, piercing his nails into his palms tightly. "K-kiss me."

She kissed his lips softly as she stroked him slowly.

He kissed her back, except harder as he withheld the urge to throw her down on the couch and take her from behind.

He was willing to take what she gives, instead of asking for more when she could tell him no altogether if he did.

He pulled his lips back, staring into her eyes darkly. "Faster," he said roughly.

And she followed the instruction, almost driving him insane.

When that familiar coiling sensation settled in his loins, he gasped loudly. "S-Sakura, I'm..."

Her hand increased in the long, hard strokes, and just when his release was there, a loud beeping sound caused her to jump and stop the stroking.

He glared at her, but immediately stopped when he realized the source of the beeping. "Shit..." he murmured, standing from the couch. "I have to get back to the hospital. I'll call you when I get off tonight."

When she did not say anything, he looked down at her to see a beautiful blush on her face. Smiling, he leaned down and kissed her lips softly. "Thank you. I'll talk to you when I can," he said before rushing out of the building.

* * *

Sakura stared at the email, concentratedly. She was trying to figure out a way to respond to a question without giving too much detail about the answer.

She loved to help people, no doubts, but she still liked to challenge them mentally. She wanted this patient to figure out the answer himself.

Just like she was doing to Syaoran.

Her cheeks warmed at the thought of him. And then, she began to think about last night, and the act she tried to perform for him.

It was in the moment, was the only explanation she could come up with for her behavior.

Never mind the thoughts of her wanting to pleasure him because she wanted him to feel good.

It was the moment they were in. He created it, set the pace, and instructed her to pleasure him.

It was all him, not her.

Her stomach did an unpleasant jump at that thought. Was she really trying to blame him for something she did?

 _No_.

Was she really using him to make herself feel better?

 _No_.

Was she really—

Her phone rang, stopping all the questions from coming in.

"Moshi, moshi?" she answered after the first ring.

 _"Did you get my text?"_ she heard Tomoyo ask in the phone.

"I did, Tomoyo. If you gave me time, I would have responded back," she said with a giggle.

 _"So, you're going to come out with us?"_ Tomoyo asked, almost pleadingly.

"It's Saturday, so I have nothing else better to do. And, I would love to hang out with you guys again like old times," Sakura said, smiling.

 _"Yay! I'm going to come over as soon as I finish these designs,"_ Tomoyo said excitedly.

Sakura glanced at the clock, giggling. "Tomoyo, it's only eleven in the morning. Clubs don't even open until later tonight."

 _"I have to get you all dolled up, though! I don't want to hear any arguments."_

The call ended before Sakura could even respond. She giggled, shaking her head at her best friend's behavior. Tomoyo could be so pushy sometimes.

She sat her phone down on the table and looked at her laptop, glancing over the emails.

She had been busy all morning, responding to emails that had built up over the past few days.

She reasoned that maybe she does too much. Doing online counseling was a lot, but she could not help but feel obligated to connect to people all around the world who needed help.

Her phone buzzed on the table, snatching her out of her thoughts.

She looked at the phone to see two new messages. She picked it up to see that they were from Syaoran and Aki.

She pressed Aki's first, seeing that he sent the message first.

 **'Are you coming out tonight?'**

Her heart raced, already knowing that she would have to face him eventually.

She responded with, **'Yes. Are you?'**

She looked at Syaoran's message next.

 **'Can I call really quick?'**

Before she could respond, her phone began to ring. She picked it up.

"What is it?" she asked immediately, wanting to get straight to the point before he would have to go again.

They had talked briefly on the phone last night, but he had to go just as fast as he got on the phone. Apparently, he had to stay overnight at the hospital again.

 _"Yamazaki called about going out tonight. Evidently, he thinks we're all buddy-buddy again since I came to the baby-shower,"_ he said.

Sakura smiled, hearing the relief in his voice.

 _Is he happy that Yamazaki still considers him a friend?_

"What about it?" she asked.

 _"Um...are you going to be there?"_ he asked shyly.

"Maybe," she said teasingly.

He groaned, in what she could hear as irritation. _"Answer the damn question, Sakura. Please. I don't have all day."_

She smiled. "Yes."

 _"Okay. That's all I needed to know."_

And the call ended.

She giggled, realizing that was the second time she had been hung up on today.

She saw that Aki had sent her another text.

 **'Now how could I miss out on the drunk Sakura who I love the most? :P'**

She rolled her eyes at the text. **'Who said that I'd be drinking anything?'**

Another text came immediately from him.

 **'Oh, you will ;)'**

She giggled at the text, leaving his chat.

Her work cell buzzed on the table, so she placed her personal phone down and picked it up. When she saw an unfamiliar number, she pressed the message. She read the text, confusion written on her face.

 **'Is this Dr. Kinomoto, Chieko's psychologist?'**

She swallowed, feeling her heart tighten at the text. Suddenly, she knew there was something wrong.

She responded back, confirming for the stranger.

Her work cell rang immediately after the text went through.

She picked it up, holding it tightly in her palms to her ear.

 _"Dr. Kinomoto...this is Chieko's husband..."_ the man said in the phone quietly.

Sakura's breath caught in her throat before she took a deep breath and let it out. "Is everything alright?" she asked.

 _"Chieko has...Chieko, she..."_ His words cut off in broken syllables.

Sakura's heart began to beat in her chest rapidly. "Mr. Hashimoto," she called brokenly. "Is she..."

The man began to sob loudly on the phone in short breaths. "She...she...she—she put... the gun to her head," he barely whispered.

The phone dropped from her hands, possibly breaking the glass, along with her heart.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry about the late update. Classes just started this week and I'm taking more advanced major courses, so I have to do a lot more studying! I promise that I won't keep you all waiting forever, though :D.**

 **As always, thanks to my beta _theDeviantme_ for editing. And, thank you guys for reviewing, following, and favoriting. I'm forever grateful for them!**

 **Since this is the first week of school, I'm probably just going to binge-write a lot of the story before...Sunday when I have an assignment due for class lol.**

 **Don't forget to leave a review!**

 **Ja ne!**


	18. How One Gains Control

**"How One Gains Control"**

* * *

Syaoran bid Dr. Hanaka goodbye before he slipped inside his car, closing the door after him.

He felt his insides jumping around, and even tying into knots. It was excitement that he felt at its finest.

He could barely wait to get home, shower, and head to the club to reunite with his old acquaintances. The last encounter he had with them was pleasant, but it was ruined because of that Akinari guy.

Tonight, he declared that nothing would ruin his night with them, or with Sakura. He just prays that the other man was not there.

As soon as he pulled up to his home, he almost ran into the apartment. Quickly, he took a shower, washing all the germs away from the hospital.

Once he finished, he grabbed his wallet, keys, and then rushed out of the house. He could admit that he sped to the club after glancing at the time.

Yamazaki had told him that they would all meet up at nine tonight, but he did not get off until ten. It was twenty 'til eleven, which meant that he already missed the beginning of the fun.

When he pulled up to the club, he got out of the car, and headed straight for the entrance. He stood in line for a couple of minutes until it was his turn to pay. Once he paid the guy at the door, he walked inside.

He was greeted with flashing neon lights, and the vibrating bass of the thundering music in the building. He could never get used to this.

Syaoran looked around for any signs of the group before he decided to use common sense. There was no way that he could spot them in this crowded place.

He reached into his denim jean pocket, pulling out his phone. He sent a quick text to Yamazaki, asking where they were.

A text came back immediately, telling him to wait at the entrance. And so, he waited.

It was not long until he spotted the dark-haired man jogging towards him.

Yamazaki looked at him appropriately with a raised brow. "I don't think I've ever seen you in anything besides scrubs," he said teasingly, loud enough for Syaoran to hear him over the distant music.

Syaoran squinted his eyes at him for a moment before he chuckled lightly. "Whatever, fuc—" he stopped, catching himself before he used that insult.

He recalled telling Sakura that he should work on his language a few weeks ago, but it had slipped from his mind. He mentally took note to do so from now on.

Yamazaki grinned. "Come on. We got a room," he said.

Syaoran followed him as he led them to said room. What he saw was not something he expected to see so early in the night when he arrived. And, from _her_.

There Sakura was, standing on a table in a skin-tight, backless, black dress that showed a little too much skin for Syaoran's mind to picture her completely nude. She was dancing offbeat to the vibrating music outside of the room, alone. Her auburn hair was in disarray, hanging in loose waves that appeared to be curls before they appeared wavy.

He tried looking at her face, but she kept swinging her head back and forth to the music, so he could not properly see her face.

"Sakura's had a rough week, if it's not obvious," he heard Yamazaki say over the music.

Syaoran stared at her a little longer, trying to figure out if she was drunk. She had seemed fine to him earlier today when they talked on the phone.

"Li-kun!" he heard someone call his name.

He looked in the direction to see Tomoyo, Chiharu, Rika, and Naoko. He guessed that it was Tomoyo who called his name.

He walked over to them, but kept his eyes on Sakura to make sure she does not fall. He sat on the couch beside them. "Hey," he said, nodding towards them.

"We're glad you could make it out tonight," Chiharu said, smiling at him.

He offered her a small smile, silently agreeing with her. "What's going on?" he decided to ask, pointing at Sakura.

Naoko shrugged when his eyes locked with hers behind her rimmed glasses. "She's always like this when she gets drunk, which is rare. She's just having fun, though," she said, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Why aren't you guys dancing?! This is what clubs are for!" Sakura exclaimed, grinning at everyone and then swirled around on the table.

 _She's definitely drunk._

She bent down, giving him, and probably everyone else a nice view of her curvy rear end. She grabbed Eriol and Tomoyo's hand, pulling them up onto their feet. "Come on, guys!" she yelled.

Everyone laughed at her excitement, except Syaoran. He was not used to seeing her uncontrolled and wild. She was always cool and calm with him. She always had herself together, but this…

It was different and a bit unnerving to see for him.

Sakura dropped to her hands and knees, crawling to the end of the table.

Syaoran's eyes widened at the sight, feeling himself become beyond aroused. He watched, entranced as she leaned down, grabbing a glass of alcohol on the floor. She drunk it in one motion and then dropped the glass to the floor, causing it to shatter into pieces.

"This is the best night ever!" she exclaimed, abruptly jumping up on the table.

On her way up, she tripped over her own bare feet and began to stumble off the table.

Syaoran was on his feet within a blink of an eye, rushing to catch her. Before he reached her, someone else had already beaten him to it, catching Sakura in their arms.

He looked to the source of her savior, seeing the one man he prayed would not be here tonight.

Akinari.

His fists clenched when he heard Sakura giggle. He almost yanked her from his arms when he saw her relax in his arms, even snuggling closer to him.

When the man said something in her ear that he could not catch, Syaoran could have sworn he saw red. However, instead of acting out like a child, he sat down, huffing loudly. He kept his eyes locked on the two incase Akinari decided to try something sketchy with his hands on her.

He would surely pounce if he saw one inappropriate touch.

"Stop being so reckless, Sakura," Chiharu scolded gently with a giggle as she tried to take a sip from her drink.

Sakura sloppily lifted her body from Akinari's and stood up shakily again. She giggled uncontrollably and shook her head. "I'm reckless, no!" she said between giggles.

Everyone laughed at her swayed words, except Syaoran. He wondered if they were getting amusement out of this, or something. He certainly was not.

"Can we continue the game now?" she asked them all innocently.

"Game?" Syaoran questioned before he could stop himself.

"We were playing a drinking game," Rika said.

"For the record, you need to take a shot anyway. We all took shots as soon as we got here," Yamazaki said, handing him a shot glass.

For a moment, he hesitated to take it, but did nonetheless.

Yamazaki poured something in his cup, and then motioned for him to drink it.

Syaoran looked at the clear liquid, mentally preparing himself for the taste and burn. He drunk it in one swift motion and then set the cup down on the table with a straight face.

Sakura cheered for him. "Good job, Syaoran! Now you can get up and dance with me!" she exclaimed, grabbing his hands, attempting to pull him up.

He pulled his hands back immediately, feeling uncomfortable with this Sakura. Her behavior is resembling someone he does not want to think about right now.

Careless and reckless.

She pouted, falling on the table, exaggeratingly. "But, but, but, you guys won't dance with me because you haven't had a drink. And..." She locked eyes with Syaoran. "Our doctor here is drinking." She reached over, grabbing Syaoran's hands again.

"Sakura," Akinari called warningly. "Stop it."

She pouted and released Syaoran's hands. "Yes, Father," she said like a little child.

Everyone laughed at her response, hearing the sarcasm. Syaoran, on the other hand, just stared, feeling a little offended that she listened to Akinari.

Even though her respectful answer was meant to be a joke, he noticed her really stopping like he told her to.

Without thinking, Syaoran grabbed the large bottle of alcohol on the table and chugged a large amount of it down.

"Woah!" His ears registered someone howl.

He sat the bottle down, and then looked at everyone who was staring at him amused. "I've had a hard week, this week, so I'm with Kinomoto here," he said, feeling a little light-headed from the alcohol.

"Really?" Eriol asked, voice sounding like he knew something.

Syaoran could not care about that right now, so he nodded. "I lost two patients because of an asshole," he told them, almost sounding emotionless about it.

"That really sucks..." Yamazaki said, putting shot cups on the table for everyone. He poured the alcohol in all of them, and then turned to everyone. "A shot for Syaoran and his shitty week," he said.

Everyone took the shot at the same time, and then placed the cups down.

And then, they all began to talk about their weeks, while having light conversation about anything that came to the table.

Syaoran even found himself participating in the conversations, surprisingly.

It was only until Syaoran's eyes fell on Sakura that he noticed her silence.

As if she sensed his eyes on her, she looked up immediately. She looked away from him, though.

"I have to go to the restroom," Sakura said, interrupting their conversation.

She stood up, stumbling a little. When she nearly tripped over her own feet, she caught herself, giggling uncontrollably.

Tomoyo stood up with her, grabbing her arm. "I'll go with her, guys," she reassured everyone.

"Be careful," Syaoran and Akinari said simultaneously.

Syaoran clenched his fists, feeling even more annoyed with the man now.

Tomoyo smiled at them, nodding her head, and then dragged Sakura out of the room.

"Have you known Sakura for long, Li-kun?" Naoko asked.

He turned to her with wide eyes.

 _Is she on to me?_

"No..." he said cautiously. "I met her at the hospital once after she sprained her ankle. And then, her brother and sister-in-law were involved in a car accident," he explained.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that," Rika said.

"You sure are a great doctor to care so much about a former patient's family," Eriol said.

Syaoran looked at him, setting his jaw tight after seeing a mischievous glint in Eriol's eyes. Now he wanted to jump across the room and strangle Eriol.

Eriol knew something, he was sure of that.

 _But, what?_

"I know how it can be at places like this. You should worry about your wife too," Syaoran said calmly.

He promised himself that he would not ruin this, so remaining calm was the only thing he could do to accomplish that.

"Of course, but—"

"I think that it's great that Li-kun is worried about their well-being," Rika interrupted.

Syaoran sighed in relief, glad that someone came to his rescue. "Thank you. I thought the same."

Eriol held up a hand in surrender. "Okay. I just sensed the doctor may have something for Sakura," Eriol said.

 _Something like what?_

Syaoran's brows scrunched together in confusion at the statement.

"Eriol, it's an exception now, but please don't say anything like that when Sakura's around," Akinari interjected.

Syaoran looked at him, annoyed with that statement. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked without thinking.

"Sakura's been through a lot...and she's not emotionally stable to even think about anything like that right now," Akinari said, staring Syaoran in the eyes.

For some reason, he sensed the man conveying some form of message to him. It was more like a silent warning.

"Akinari-san may be right," Chiharu said thoughtfully.

"I can assure you that I won't trouble Sakura with anything like this," Eriol said softly, while staring at Syaoran.

Syaoran's fists clenched, annoyed with all of them in the room now.

He could not understand why Akinari talked as if he knew everything about Sakura, and had some form of right to act as her protector.

"Keep it that way," Akinari said.

As soon as he said that, Sakura and Tomoyo arrived.

"Did we miss anything?!" Sakura exclaimed, smiling at everyone.

"Of course not," Akinari said, smiling at Sakura warmly.

Syaoran huffed, annoyed with the man acting so loving towards her.

 _Did he not just say that she was not ready for any kind of relationship?_

Syaoran stood, feeling a little persuaded by the alcohol coursing through his body. "I want to have that dance you offered earlier," he said, staring Sakura in the eyes, almost daring her to say otherwise.

She smiled at him widely, and grabbed his hand. "Let's go then!" she said.

Akinari stood, grabbing her other hand gently. "How about we all go out on the dance floor?" he suggested.

Syaoran locked eyes with Akinari, almost tugging Sakura's body towards his like a child who does not want to share his things with anyone else, but remembered that they were adults.

"That's a great idea!" Rika said, standing as well.

Soon afterwards, everyone stood and walked out of the room.

Syaoran felt a little annoyed that they had decided to tag along. Now, he would not be able to have any alone time with her.

But, another side of him felt a little relieved that they did. After all, he came here so he could spend time with everyone tonight.

As soon as they reached the crowded dance floor, Sakura's hand slipped from his as she went off to dance with her friends.

For some reason, Syaoran did not mind, as long as it was not with Akinari, or some other guy.

Akinari was the reason that Syaoran decided to drag her out here anyway. The man was acting like Sakura belonged to him, Syaoran noticed.

 _Smiling at her like that..._

Syaoran's fists clenched, eyes locking on Sakura as she raised her hands above her head. They unclenched as he stared at her, instantly becoming entranced with her dancing.

She was terrible. She had no rhythm, and it seemed that she has two left feet. But, everything about her was so entrancing as she moved her body.

And then, he remembered that she did not have any shoes on.

Surely, her feet would be sticky and dirty from all the wasted alcohol beverages on the floor.

He was snapped out of his trance when someone bumped him, making him realize that he was standing on the dance floor awkwardly, watching her like a creep.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Syaoran tapped Yamazaki's shoulder, getting his attention. He almost felt a little jealous of the man, watching his wife dance against him like that.

Yamazaki looked at him, appearing a bit heated by the dance as he held Chiharu close to him.

"I'm going to get a drink," Syaoran yelled over the music.

Yamazaki's brows scrunched together, clearly not hearing what Syaoran said.

"The bar!" Syaoran yelled again, pointing towards the bar area.

"Oh! Okay," he said.

And Syaoran took that as the sign to go, but not before glancing in Sakura's direction to make sure she was still with Tomoyo, Rika, and Naoko.

* * *

Eriol's eyes scanned the bar, looking for one person.

He had left the dance floor to find a certain amber-eyed man who had been staring at his wife's best friend all night.

He could not help but wonder what was going on between Sakura and Syaoran.

For sure, Eriol knew that Syaoran had set up an appointment with Sakura a few months ago, but he could not tell if he had really gone.

It was an afternoon when Tomoyo and him dropped by Sakura's place to visit her.

He was not a snooper, but Sakura had left a sheet of paper on the kitchen table, which she never did. Curiosity got the best of him, so he had a look at it.

And there Syaoran's information was on the paper. Her appointment papers, which only meant one thing.

Syaoran did take his advice and used the card that he gave him.

He still could not understand why he decided to make an appointment, when for years, Syaoran had denied the fact that he needed help.

Eriol always had good intentions, though he came off as sly and sneaky most of the times.

He wanted Syaoran to get help. At one point, him and Syaoran had been friends, as hard as it was to believe.

They were distant cousins, so often, his parents would fly over to Hong Kong from England to visit.

When they were kids, Syaoran would always treat Eriol as a brother.

Then, they began to go to the same school when his aunt sent Syaoran to Tomoeda to attend school in Elementary school.

When Syaoran got to Tomoeda, he completely ignored Eriol and shut him out, along with everyone else around him.

Eriol never knew why his aunt sent Syaoran here, nor did he know why Syaoran shut him out like that.

But, Eriol dropped the case of finding out why. It was probably just Syaoran growing apart from him, he had reasoned at the time.

Now, he found himself wondering about Syaoran again. With Syaoran's behavior tonight, Eriol knew that Syaoran had talked with Sakura.

He would even go so far as to say that Syaoran liked Sakura, just from the sight of him showing so much interest in her when he first arrived.

Eriol had noticed his gaze land on Sakura as soon as he walked in. Then again, how could it not have? Sakura was standing on a table dancing and howling like an animal.

Aside from that, Eriol knew that there was something going on between them.

Sakura seemed too familiar with him, which only brought one question to mind – is he still going to her?

Eriol spotted chestnut hair at the end of the bar. Syaoran was sitting down, accepting the drink from the man.

Eriol walked towards him, head held high almost. He wanted to see if he could get any answers out of Syaoran.

He sat in the stool next to him, and then looked at the bartender.

"Can I get an awamori?" he asked.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Syaoran turn to him and glare.

"What the hell do you want?" Syaoran asked.

Eriol held back a smirk, not wanting to piss Syaoran off further.

Syaoran had a temper, and Eriol had been a victim of one of his tantrums in the past.

Eriol had purposely provoked him in the past, only to receive a broken nose in return. Syaoran never even apologized for sending him to the hospital until this day.

Though he would never admit it, Eriol knew that he deserved the punch.

"Is it so wrong for me to get a drink?" Eriol asked, looking at him from the corner of his eyes.

He noticed a scowl on Syaoran's face as he swore under his breath. "You can have this section," Syaoran said, standing from the stool.

"Are you so upset by my presence? Or the fact that I know that you're up to something?" Eriol asked calmly, staring at Syaoran.

Syaoran froze for a moment before he glared at Eriol. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Syaoran, Syaoran, _Syaoran_. Calm down," Eriol said in a fake, caring tone.

Syaoran's fists clenched at his side, almost appearing as though he were trying to hold himself back from launching an attack. "What the fu—" he stopped, taking a deep breath. "I don't have time for you."

"But, you have time for the sessions with Sakura?" Eriol asked boldly.

He knew that he was pushing his limits, but Syaoran would not be able to get far in hurting him tonight. There were too many security guards and people here.

"What?" Syaoran asked, confused.

"Isn't that how you know her?" Eriol asked, raising a brow at him. He thanked the bartender after the man gave him the drink.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, looking away.

"Right, because you weren't disturbed by her behavior for nothing, right?"

Syaoran rushed to his side, grabbing the collar of his shirt. "Were you not? That was completely out of character for her," Syaoran said dangerously low. "Or were you enjoying the view of her body moving like that?"

Eriol grabbed his hands tightly, pulling them away from his shirt. He chuckled, shaking his head. "I very much love my wife. Now, are you by any chance admitting that you're still getting her help?"

Syaoran scoffed, and then locked his jaw tightly. "Why the hell are you concerned with my business? It's none of your business, shitface."

"Sakura is my business, so that's why I'm warning you not to try any of your manipulative schemes on her. I will personally bury you alive if you ever do anything to hurt her," Eriol said gravely.

Syaoran's eyes widened at the threat before he glared at him, and then stormed off.

Eriol dropped the facade as soon as Syaoran was out of sight.

A smirk played at his lips, feeling satisfied of the answers he got out of Syaoran.

That went better than he planned for it to go. And, he even found out that his old friend was getting help with his problems now.

* * *

Syaoran leaned against the wall, keeping his eyes on Sakura. He was making sure that she does nothing to get herself into trouble. With him, at least.

She was still dancing with her friends sloppily. He even noticed that Tomoyo, Naoko, and Rika were a little drunk too because they had loosened up a bit.

His eyes landed on Tomoyo for a moment before he felt himself growing annoyed.

He hated her husband.

Concluding that Eriol soured his mood, Syaoran decided to take a breather from the entire group.

After Eriol asked him those questions, he felt like he was in trouble for some reason.

Indeed, Eriol is the one who opened the door for him to find Sakura, but Syaoran would never admit that. It was no one's business what he does in his personal time, including going to therapy.

It was starting to get on his nerves how much everyone was trying to become involved with him and Sakura. It was not their business.

Syaoran's eyes snapped back to Sakura's direction as soon as his eyes caught sight of something that he did not like.

Another man trying to dance with her.

He was already trudging over to her direction, shoving all the drunks out of his way on the dance floor.

When he reached her, he grabbed her wrist, pulling her clinging body from the stranger.

For a moment, he wondered where her 'father' was, allowing her to dance against these strangers like this. He disregarded the thought immediately, reasoning that it might just piss him off.

Sakura looked up at him through her long lashes, appearing lost.

Syaoran ignored his growing erection and pulled her towards him to drag her off the dance floor.

Before he could get too far, a strong hand grabbed his shoulder, stopping him.

Syaoran turned around, only to see her 'father of the night,' stopping him. He let out an annoyed huff, squeezing Sakura's hand a little.

"Where are you guys going?" Syaoran read his lips yell over the loud, vibrating music.

 _Where **are** we going?_

"I'm fine, I'm fine! I'm just going with Syaoran to sit down!" Sakura yelled over the music.

Akinari's eyes locked with Syaoran's for a minute, warning him not to do this.

 _Do what?_

"I'm not a baby..."

Akinari's brows scrunched together. "What?"

"I'm not a baby! You don't have to treat me like a fucking glass," she yelled louder so he could hear her.

Syaoran gave her hand a light squeeze, almost feeling proud of her backtalking to the other man. Also, she had used vulgar language, something he enjoyed hearing from her.

Akinari held a hand up in surrender. "Okay. I'll be over there," he pointed to a corner in the club. "My ears are opened, so if you need anything, just yell."

Syaoran's jaw set tight again, wanting to chew the other man's head off for acting so caring to _his_ Sakura.

"Li-kun."

Syaoran looked at him, using all his willpower to not lash out at him.

"Take care of her," he said tightly, but Syaoran read the statement as, "You do anything to hurt her, I'll kill you," from the way the man looked at him.

Instead of attacking, Syaoran nodded, and then pulled Sakura with him. He faintly heard her giggle, but assumed that it was only his imagination.

It was only when he got them in the room that they reserved that Sakura burst out laughing.

Syaoran looked at her incredulously as she leaned all her weight on him, forcing him to wrap his arms around her small, lithe body.

"Why are you laughing?" Syaoran asked, confused.

Sakura rest her hands on his chest, causing him to stiffen under her touch.

 _Do not take advantage of her!_

 _I will not take advantage of her._

"It always works," she slurred, pushing against his body, causing him to stumble back a little.

"W-what always works?" Syaoran stuttered, feeling nervous suddenly.

"Raising my voice at him. He acts more like a dad than a therapist or friend," she said.

 _Therapist?_

She pushed against him again, but this time, the back of his knees bumped against the mini couch, causing him to lose his balance, so he sat on the couch.

Syaoran looked up at Sakura and swallowed. He could not tell what she would do next, but he was sure that it was something she might regret later.

When she dropped to her knees, he immediately grabbed her shoulders, pushing her back so he could stand.

He wanted her, but he would not take advantage of her. That was against his morals, and he would not break them just because he liked her.

 _Like her?_

He pushed the thought to the back of his head, reasoning that it was nothing serious.

"Sakura," he called her name.

She looked at him confused before she giggled. "Isn't that why you brought me here?" she asked.

"U-uhh..." he stuttered, at a loss for words.

He did want to have sex with her, but that was not the reason he dragged her away from the dance floor.

"No," he said, shaking his head with a blush on his face. He pulled her up from her stooping position so he did not have to watch the torturous, erotic image.

"Then, why?"

He stared at her face, searching for any signs that showed she was kidding. Not even a smirk or twitch from her lips.

"U-uh...you're drunk," he said awkwardly.

She broke out into a grin, shaking her head.

He read her lips articulate the word, 'maybe.' She had said it so quietly that he could not hear over the distant music.

The grin slowly disappeared from her lips as they began to tremble.

His mind went into overdrive, seeing her eyes water. "What's wrong, Sakura?" he asked, grabbing her face gently.

"This was stupid," she said brokenly. "I shouldn't have come tonight."

"Sak—"

Syaoran's body was yanked from her immediately.

"What the hell did you do?!"

Syaoran looked in the direction of the voice, only to see Akinari being the source of the interruption. He glared at the man, shrugging Akinari's hand away from his body.

"Aki!" Sakura exclaimed excitedly.

Akinari rushed to Sakura's side, wrapping an arm around her comfortingly. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

Syaoran's body began to tremble in anger, seeing Sakura so relaxed in another man's arms.

Before he could stop himself, Syaoran grabbed the back of Akinari's shirt and shoved him hard, causing the man to trip over the table.

"Syaoran!" Sakura exclaimed, grabbing his arm tightly when he began to make a move to go to Akinari who was on the floor.

"What the fuck, man?" Akinari said, glaring at him as he stood up from the floor.

Syaoran dug his nails into the palm of his hands, hoping that the pain would distract him from the urge to punch the man.

Syaoran heard Sakura clear her throat, breaking the glaring battle up. She released Syaoran's arm and looked at them both while trying to hold back a grin. "Now, we are all adults here," she said in a playful tone. "So, let's act like it."

"I think it's time to get you home," Akinari said, grabbing her hand.

Syaoran clenched his fists at the sight. "Like hell you're going to take her home," he said without thinking.

Akinari's eyes widened, surprised by Syaoran's statement. "I'm sorry?"

"You're not taking her home," Syaoran repeated.

Sakura burst out laughing. "Now I have two dads'?" she asked exasperatedly. "I am perfectly capable of getting home on my own. But, it's not time to get home. We have to party!" she exclaimed, grabbing both of their hands, lifting them high.

Clumsily, she twirled around, pulling them with her.

Syaoran pulled his hand back from hers, frowning. He wanted to know what was going on with her.

"Come on, Dads. We should get back to the dance floor with Riku—Rika? I think that's right. Naoko, Tomoyo, and Chiharu, too if Yamazaki hasn't taken her home yet," she said between giggles.

Akinari turned to Syaoran as Sakura continued to ramble on. "Look, I don't know what the deal is with you and me, but no hard feelings, okay? Let's act as adults would," he said, holding his hand out to him.

Syaoran began to grow even more annoyed with him for being the bigger person. He turned away from his hand rudely. "Sakura wants to dance a little longer with the others, so let her dance with the others," he said.

"She's being reckless right now—"

"I am not! I am perfectly—" She stopped, throwing her hands to her mouth as if she were trying to hold something in. She rushed to the little trashcan by the couch and threw up.

Akinari motioned to her with a, 'I told you so,' face on.

"You're not taking her home," Syaoran said in a finalizing tone.

"Li-kun, I have nothing personal against you, but she's my responsibility. She specifically asked me to make sure she gets home safe tonight," he said.

Syaoran's eyes widened as he felt himself becoming infuriated now. "You're lying," he said tightly.

"I'm not. I just want to make sure she's safe," Akinari said sincerely.

Syaoran closed his eyes, praying these feelings to go away. He could not understand why Sakura would go to _him_ , of all people.

It made him mad, angry that she chose to put her safety in another man's hands.

Syaoran looked at Akinari's face, searching for something, anything to say. "You're drunk," Syaoran said once he noticed the slight flush on Akinari's face.

"I'm sober enough," Akinari said.

"No, you're not," Sakura said, giggling once she came back over to them. "Syaoran can take me home."

"What?" they both said at the same time.

"You've watched me all night long, Aki. And, you're drunk," she said, grabbing his cheeks before she giggled. "Your face is all hot!"

Akinari grabbed her hands gently, pulling them away from his face. "You don't know what you're saying, Sakura," he said.

"I do! Let me show you." She held up two fingers on one hand, and then three on the other. "Five fingers!"

She looked a little lost, that Syaoran almost chuckled at the cuteness.

Akinari sighed. "I can't force you to not do this, but are you sure?" he asked, looking in her eyes pleadingly.

Syaoran grew even more annoyed with the man for making him seem like a bad guy. Syaoran knew that he would never do anything to hurt Sakura, but Akinari seemed to think otherwise.

"I'm sure. There's a few things that I have to discuss with him anyway," she said, smiling.

"You're not sober enough to do that, Sakura. Look, just think—"

"Stop it, Aki. You know how I feel when you treat me this way," her voice had become sad just that quick.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," Akinari said.

Syaoran watched Akinari's hand squeeze hers a little and had to look away before his insides come up, out of his mouth.

"But! We have to do more dancing!" she exclaimed.

And just like that, she was happy and cheerful again.

She dragged them out of the room, and towards the dance floor.

As soon as they were in the midst of the crowd, Sakura's body glued to Syaoran's like magnet.

He tried his best to hide the effect that she was having on him. It was hard, so he reasoned that he had nothing to worry about.

There were probably over fifty people on the dance floor, most likely drunk, and everyone was kind of glued to each other. Sakura just happened to be the person glued to him as she clumsily danced to the music, off beat.

Syaoran kept his hands to himself like a good boy the entire time and just moved his body against hers to the erotic lyrics.

A few songs later with more dancing, everyone was ready to call it a night, or those who were half sober, at least.

"You're going to make sure Sakura gets home, Akinari?" Tomoyo asked outside as she clung to Eriol, who was holding up her body.

Syaoran could tell that she was drunk, but could hold her alcohol.

"Yes, he will," Sakura interjected before Akinari had the chance to. "We're going to take an uber."

Akinari looked at Sakura with a strange look on his face that Syaoran could not decipher.

"Okay." Tomoyo hugged her tightly.

Sakura hugged her back and then pulled back with a silly grin on her face. "Chiharu and Yamazaki couldn't even wait until the night ended?"

Tomoyo giggled, shaking her head. "They left an hour ago. Rika met this older, attractive guy, so she insisted on spending time with him," she said.

Sakura tilted her head to the side. "And, Naoko?"

"She met a guy too, though I didn't see him. She only told me about him and..."

Syaoran drowned out the rest of their conversation, mentally preparing himself for what Sakura said she wanted to discuss.

He was not aware of anything that he did out of line tonight—aside from the shove, but surely she would not remember that.

She was too drunk to know anything right now.

"Li-kun?"

He looked in the direction of the voice to see Tomoyo staring at him.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" she asked mischievously.

It reminded him of Eriol, which only annoyed him.

Reasoning that Tomoyo did nothing wrong to him, he nodded. "Yes. I'm glad I came out," he said honestly.

 _Maybe I should do this more often..._

"That's good. Maybe we could do this again," Tomoyo suggested.

He nodded.

They bid each other goodbye one last time before it was only Sakura, Akinari, and Syaoran left.

"Are you sure, Sakura?" Syaoran heard Akinari ask Sakura.

She smiled at him, nodding. "I'm a little more sober now. I'm positive," she said quietly.

Syaoran looked away, not wanting to ruin the rest of his night.

"Okay...call me if you need anything," he said.

Syaoran glanced down at his clock to see that it was one in the morning. And he grew annoyed, assuming that the two talked on the phone at late hours.

"Okay. It's only a few things that we have to discuss, and that'll be it," Sakura said, almost sounding completely sober.

"Okay. I trust you."

And it went silent, making Syaoran wonder why. He refused to turn around and see something he would not like.

"Goodnight, Li," he heard Akinari say.

He remained silent for a moment before he realized how immature he was being.

"Goodnight."

And just like that, it was only Sakura and him. Alone.

Syaoran turned to Sakura, only to see a blank expression on her face.

"Let's go," he said quietly.

She followed him to his car, remaining silent the entire time.

Once they settled in the car, he cranked it up, and she began to tell him the directions to her place.

When they arrived, she invited him inside, insisting that they really needed to talk.

Syaoran looked around the apartment, memorizing everything in it. Everything was Sakura's. That alone made him want to, even though there was nothing spectacular and out of the ordinary here.

He heard the door click behind him, signifying Sakura locking the door.

"Syaoran..." she called brokenly.

Hearing that tone made him turn around to her immediately.

His eyes widened, seeing tears brim in her eyes. Immediately, his hands lifted to her face, caressing her cheek lovingly. "What's wrong?"

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. She choked back a sob and walked closer to him so she could rest her head against his shoulder.

His hand moved down to her chin, forcing her to look up at him. "What's wrong, baby? Talk to me," he said, feeling his heart tear at her glistening eyes.

"I..." she closed her eyes tightly. "It hurts," she whispered brokenly.

Panic rushed through his body as he started searching her entire body for any signs of injury. "What hurts? Did you fall? Run into something? What hurts, Sakura?" he asked in a frenzy as he continued to search her body.

She giggled, shaking her head. "No...it _hurts_ ," she said, moving her hands up to her chest to emphasize her point.

His eyes softened, bringing his hands up to hers, on her chest. "What happened?" he asked, squeezing her hands gently.

"I don't want to talk about it..." she said, voice shaking a bit. "But, you understand...that's why I need you."

His heart sped up at that, feeling useful in this way for the first time.

"I'm here for you then," he said sincerely. "Come on."

He led them through her apartment, blindly looking for her room. Eventually, she showed him which room was hers.

He stopped them at the foot of her queen-sized bed, and kissed her lips as gently as he could.

When he realized his lips becoming more demanding and rough with hers, he used all his strength to break the kiss.

He stared at her with heavy-lidded eyes and pushed her to sit down on the bed gently. "I'm sorry. You've been torturing me all night, though," he said.

She let out a short, forced laugh. "I can't tonight, Syaoran," she said, sounding guilty.

He looked confused now. "What?"

"I can't have sex with you tonight..." she said quietly.

He leaned down and kissed her lips again, even softer this time before he pulled back. "I didn't plan to," he said truthfully.

He did want to, though. But he knew that she was still not completely sober. Also, her needs came before his now.

She was upset, or sad, so he wanted to be there for her, just as much as she had been for him for these last three months.

"Okay..." she said, crawling further up on the bed so she could lie down on top of the covers.

Syaoran noticed her heels still on her feet as she laid there, so he sat at the bottom of the bed and unbuckled the open-toed shoes. He slid the painful objects off her feet and saw how dirty and sticky the bottom of her feet was.

When he stood up to head to the connected bathroom, she sat up. "Don't, Syaoran. Just..." She stopped, closing her eyes tightly.

He read the message loud and clear and walked over to the bed. He slipped his casual shoes off and climbed on the bed behind her.

He felt uncomfortable with his jeans still on, holding his erection down, but relieved all the same. He did not want to bother her with his needs.

He moved closer to her backside, wrapping his arms around her small body. He pulled her closer to him, burying his face in the crook of her neck so he could place light kisses on her.

It took her a minute to relax in his arms before she let him pull her even closer to his body.

"When you're ready to tell me, I'll be right here," he said against her skin.

He felt goosebumps form on her skin at his breath against her.

He placed a few more kisses on her neck before wrapping his lips around the crook of her neck.

He could not keep his lips off her body.

 _What is wrong with me?_

He sucked on her neck gently until the urge grew stronger, making him suck harder.

"Syaoran," she called weakly, snapping him out of the lustful trance.

He released her neck and then rest his chin against her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm really trying," he whispered sincerely in her ear.

She shivered again, so he brought his hand to her arms, rubbing it to get rid of the chill bumps.

"Can you just stay like this?" she asked.

"Of course," he said.

So, they laid there with Syaoran holding her.

When Sakura relaxed in his arms, Syaoran was sure that she had fallen asleep.

He was beyond tired, so he fell asleep without any hesitations.

* * *

Syaoran stirred in his sleep, hand grasping something soft. Too soft.

He gripped it, assuming that it was Sakura's breast. Or, so he hoped for it to be, at least.

Too bad it was not warm, which meant one thing; it was not her breast.

He snuggled closer, only to realize that he snuggled against nothing. He bolted up, looking around for Sakura. He panicked when he saw no signs of her.

 _How long had I been sleeping?_

"Sakura?" he called, sliding off the bed.

He looked around for her, repeatedly calling her name.

When he got no response, he began to pull the sheets off the bed in hopes that she was hiding under them. He looked under the bed before he rushed out of her room. He hurriedly walked down the hall, checking each room he could find as he called her name non-stop.

Suddenly, he realized the emotion that he was feeling. He had not felt it since he was a kid, so it was a little unnerving.

He was terrified.

Terrified that he lost her, that she left him here alone.

The back of his eyes began to burn as his heart felt too heavy to carry in his chest.

And then he heard it. A faucet turning and water hitting against water.

He rushed back to her room and ran straight for the bathroom door. He had no clue why he did not think to check there first.

He grabbed the knob, twisting it.

It did not budge.

"Sakura," he called, twisting the knob uncontrollably.

No response came, further causing the panic to rise in his chest.

He heard the faucet turn again, more water, and then it turned off again. "Open the door, damn it," he yelled, rattling the knob more.

When she gave him no response again, he began to push against the door. "Sakura!" he called, slamming his fists against the door and then his body repeatedly.

One more slam caused the door to tear open.

He rushed inside, but froze at the sight presented in front of him.

There Sakura was, fully dressed in her club attire, sitting in the tub full of water as she held the bottle of vodka.

Her makeup was smeared, hair soaked as if she had been under the water. Her face was flushed as she stared at the clear water blankly.

Syaoran closed the door, and walked further in the bathroom towards her. "What are you doing?" he asked softly.

She looked up at him with wide-eyes.

He noticed the lost look in her glistening emerald eyes.

"How do you do it?" she asked in the quiet bathroom.

Syaoran did not say anything.

"How do you just lose someone you've tried to save, and then move on to the next person as if you just didn't lose them?" she asked brokenly.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

Syaoran panicked, looking around the room for something— _anything_ that could help him. There was nothing there, though.

"Sakura," he called.

More tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head. "No, don't comment on my behavior right now," she said brokenly.

Syaoran's eyes softened, hearing exactly what she was saying. "I'm not judging you," he said. "Move over."

She pulled her legs up so he could climb in the tub with her, fully clothed.

He froze, surprised to feel the water ice cold.

 _I'm going to regret this later..._

Once he settled in the tub with her, he grabbed the bottle of vodka from her hands and set it on the stool beside the tub. He leaned forward, grabbing her wet, cold hands between his. "You're going to be sick," he informed.

He squeezed her hands gently, and then brought them up to his lips so he could blow his breath on them as he thought about her question earlier.

"When I lost my first patient, I quit my job," he began.

He hated to think about that time because that was the lowest he had ever been in his life.

He was willing to for Sakura's sake, though.

"It was my first job in Hong Kong. Chao Wang, 26-year-old male. His death..." Syaoran stopped, feeling the back of his eyes burn with angry tears. "His death took a part of me with it. It was so sudden, so quick, yet from something so simple," he whispered the last part.

He cleared his throat. "So, I quit."

He could not feel himself able to talk about the why's and how's. He never could, so he decided that it was best to leave that part in the past.

"I asked...'How? How could anyone have a job like this? How could anyone lose someone by their own hands after they've put their all into that person?" He shook his head. "And then just move on as if that person never existed. I couldn't find the answer, so I quit because it was too much. There was no way that I could do that," he said, eyes staring at her bare legs through the clear water.

His mind was elsewhere, though. Back to the yesteryears when it all happened. The days that took part of him.

Quite frankly, he did not even want those weak parts of himself back. He felt happy that they were gone.

 _This is not about me..._

Syaoran looked up, locking eyes with Sakura.

The tears were still present, but they were no longer freely falling. She had a look of respect, if anything else.

"So, without a job, little to no money, and no home to go to, I became homeless," he said.

Sakura sniffed, squeezing his hands gently. "You don't have to do this," she said quietly.

He smiled at her a little. "I want to. I want you to know this part of me," he said softly.

Her mouth opened, ready to speak, but he squeezed her hand a little, silencing her.

"I enjoyed it—being homeless. It felt better than having a home. It felt...safer that way. Wei begged me to come back for months, when he could find me. But, I couldn't. He just didn't understand that I couldn't come back because it would mean coming back to _her_ , to that hospital, to the..." Syaoran trailed off, feeling his heart break at the thought of that time. "I just couldn't."

Sakura shifted in the water, causing another wave of chills to glide down his body at the cold water.

"You really don't have to do this right now," she said softly.

He shook his head, squeezing her hand. "I just want you to listen to me, so listen to me," he demanded sternly.

He thought about all those other times when she made him talk, but now she was trying to stop him. That annoyed him.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"There was this guy, I can't remember his name, but he was also homeless. He didn't talk much, but we got along great because I don't either. We would...we would go to all these..."

Suddenly, he felt ashamed of his behavior in the past for the first time.

"I didn't have enough money to get a home, but I still needed to have sex. If I went a certain amount of time without sex, I'd have withdrawals, so I'd go crazy and have it with anyone who had an ass and tits. So, he was my guy to find women, I guess. We'd go to strip clubs all the time, or pay prostitutes for sex."

He looked at her to see if she had a judgmental look on her face.

Relieved to see interest, he continued, "One day, he got really sick. I knew what it was, but he needed medical treatment for it. I held it off as long as I could, stealing anything I could from pharmacy stores, but he only got worst. The worst he got, the more my instincts told me to rush him to the hospital. It was only until he coughed up blood that I knew we had to take him to the hospital. So, I rushed him to the only hospital that I knew would take him in immediately—my previous job. They even accepted me back with opened arms..." He stopped as a smile formed across his lips. "They let me treat him. I scrubbed in on the surgery..."

He sighed. "The surgery was successful. But, afterwards, I didn't know what to do because they told me that they wanted me to come back. I talked to Wei again—or, he forced me to, at least."

Sakura smiled, nodding her head.

"It was something that he told me that made me feel okay with losing people, to accept it. He told me, 'It's okay to feel sad that you've lost someone, but don't ever think that it's your fault. People die because it's their time..." Syaoran smiled a little, remembering how kind Wei had been his entire life. "You can't save everyone, so that's why you should hold on to the people that you do save."

He looked at Sakura, relieved to see the tears had left her eyes. "Suddenly, I wanted to work again. And, so I did. After that, I didn't see the man who forced me back there anymore. I'd visit the place he always was in, but he was never there anymore. Even now...though it's rare when I go to Hong Kong, I visit that place in hopes of seeing him again to at least thank him."

Sakura let his hand go and caressed his cheek lovingly. "Thank you," she whispered.

Syaoran opened his legs, and then pulled on her hand, motioning her to come over.

Once she settled between his legs, he wrapped his arms around her cold body, shivering when her body wet his top area. "I'm going to stay the night," he said, rather than asking. "And, we're going to spend the entire day together."

Sakura sat up from the lying position on his chest, causing the cold water to brush against the dry areas on his skin.

He closed his eyes, resisting the thoughts of how cold the water is against him.

It was impossible.

"Don't you have to work?" she asked, sounding concerned.

He shook his head. "Sunday's are my days off. I choose to go in most times,' he said.

"But—"

Syaoran grabbed her shoulders gently, pulling her towards him so he could kiss her lips to silence her.

He deepened the kiss a little before pulling back. "I'm spending the day with you and that's final."

* * *

 **A/N: I'm so sorry for the late update! I hope I didn't kill anyone with the wait :P. I'm already half way done with the next chapter, so you guys won't have to wait this long again for another chapter.**

 **Anyway, thanks to my beta theDeviantme for editing any mistakes(she really makes this so much easier for me!). And, thank you guys so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites! They are all still extremely flattering to me even though we are on chapter 18 now! Reviews are what really keeps me motivated to continue posting stories online. I was reading through(or attempting to :P) this story and started feeling insecure about it, and almost considered taking it down(I swear I won't!). But, after reading through the reviews, I reasoned that I wouldn't be a very good person if I did that, huh? xD. I really do appreciate you guys for expressing your opinions and thoughts about my crazy imaginations!** **This is the reason that I try to respond to every single one of them at any given time that I can because I really do appreciate them!**

 **Now, I'm going to end this author's note so I can finish the rest of the next chapter tonight lol :P.**

 **Ja ne!**


	19. Baby Steps

**"Baby Steps"**

* * *

Syaoran reached over, grabbing her wrists gently. He tugged on them, but her body posture remained limp and lifeless against him.

"Sakura –"

"No, I'm not getting out," she said softly. "I like this."

Syaoran sighed, leaning forward so he could wrap his arms around her tightly. Her body temperature was ice-cold, making him worry about her health.

He kissed the back of her head gently. What started as one kiss turned to two, then three to four before his lips began to travel down the back of her cold neck.

She snuggled closer to his body, brushing against his aching erection.

He moaned against her neck, and then snaked his hot tongue against her neck, licking a trail of the water up. "Are you sure? You could get sick," he said distractedly before he repeated the act with his tongue. He brought his hands up to her arms, rubbing them gently.

Her head fell back against his chest, looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes.

Uncontrollably, his head dipped, capturing her lips with his gently. Immediately, his tongue asked for entrance as his mind went elsewhere.

She was drunk. If not drunk, tipsy, he knew this, yet he could not control his actions.

 _It'll only be a few kisses…_

The moment the thought passed through his head, his hands dropped to the freezing water, grabbing her hips to pull her back against his crotch.

 _Just a kiss and a little friction…_

And then, his mouth became more urgent, just as much as his greedy hands did while he continuously pulled and pushed her hips against his to have the right amount of friction.

 _More_ …

It was only when she moaned that he realized his thoughts and fantasies were becoming more animalistic. So, he stopped all together.

His hands moved from under the water to rest on her arms again. He let out a shaky breath as he rested his forehead on the side of her head. "I'm sorry…" he whispered.

"Why do you _really_ have sex?" she asked quietly, sounding a little out of breath.

He lifted his head from hers, staring in her eyes curiously. "Is this position uncomfortable for you?" he asked, noticing her top area twisted a bit so she could look at him.

"Answer the question, please," she said, whispering the last plea.

He kissed the side of her head, hoping to distract his mind from his racing heart.

 _She's drunk…_

He reminded himself that a few more times before he pulled his lips back from her.

"When I have sex with **_you_** , I have a sense of belonging. I don't feel worthless…" he said quietly. "I know it sounds crazy, but, the woman who gave birth to me expressed how much she didn't want me; that she never should have kept me…so…" He took a deep, shaky breath again.

He noticed his hands trembling against her arms as he caressed them. He wanted to tell her this, though. He wanted to tell her everything to make her feel better.

"Syaoran…" she called softly.

He let out a short, forced laugh. "I'm sorry." He could not understand why he kept apologizing but felt compelled to continue. "This is supposed to be about you…and I'm selfishly trying to talk about my issues."

"No, keep talking. It…it makes me feel better."

His heart stopped beating for a moment. "Really?"

He slid his hand up to her chin, lifting her face so he could look at her. When a small smile tugged at her lips, he inwardly groaned.

 _Gods…_

He leaned down, brushing his lips against hers briefly before he pulled back. "Why is everything about you so damn perfect?" he whispered, almost to himself.

A blush crept to her face, enhancing her beauty even more—to him, at least.

He kissed her lips again, and then pulled back. "Okay. I'll keep talking, but you have to turn around," he said.

She nodded her head which only made him kiss her one last time before he forced her to turn around.

He kissed the back of her head and smiled a little. He wondered how they got here when he hated her a few months ago. Everything about her had pissed him off, but now…it all made him happy.

"I have sex with you because you make me feel good," he repeated to bring up the topic again.

"What about with the others?" she asked softly.

His insides churned at the question. He does not understand how she could think, or better yet, _speak_ about those kinds of things calmly. The thought alone of her being with another man drives his mind into insanity every time.

He took another deep breath, forcing his anger at the thought to disappear. "The others don't matter," he said.

"Wha—"

"I didn't feel this way with them," he interrupted immediately.

"How did you feel then?" she asked.

He sighed. "I don't know, Sakura. I just felt like I was fulfilling a need. I reasoned that they made me feel wanted or needed, so whenever I could get that, I took it. But, with you…I don't have to reason. I _feel_ it," he said sincerely.

He noticed that he stopped caressing her arms, so he continued to. He just wanted to get out of this cold water. It was surprising to feel that his body had not grown used to it yet.

"I see…" she said quietly.

"Tell me how you feel when we have sex," he said softly.

"Needed," she said simply.

His insides turned into mush at that one simple word. It was always the simple things that seemed to get him. "Really?"

She nodded slowly. "I've never felt needed by anyone before."

He smiled, holding her a little tightly. And suddenly, he felt the emotions of wanting her all to himself again. The little voices inside his head would not stop taunting him with questions like, who else had she slept with? Or, how many men had she slept with? Why was he not her first? Did she feel like this with other men, proving her to be a liar?

He closed his eyes tightly.

"I'm pretty sure you're hurting my arm," he heard her say softly. He looked down and saw that his grip had tightened on her arm. "I'm kind of numb, so I can't really feel it."

He released her arm, and then kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I realized that…I don't really know anything about you," he said quietly.

"I know. And, that's my fault," she said. "It's because I'm a terrible psychologist."

When he heard her voice crack at the end, he pulled her closer to him, if that were possible. He knew that tone of her voice well now, so he knew that the negativity and tears were coming. "No, you're not..."

"I am, though. I didn't do things right with you. I should've told you about myself in the first session to make you feel comfortable, but I didn't. That's why you're not better yet. And, that's why you're still—"

"Sakura," he called.

"It's true! You're this way right now because of me. I haven't done anything to—" She stopped and burst into tears. "I…I can't do this anymore."

His heart tightened, remembering the time he used those exact words. "Shh…" he shushed her, turning her top part towards him so he could look at her. "You are helping me. I'm getting better, Sakura."

She shook her head as more tears spilled from her eyes. "Don't lie to me! That's what everyone says until they—"

His lips cut her off, not knowing what else to do. He could not bear to hear her talk this way anymore.

He pulled his lips back from hers. "Get up," he said stiffly.

She sniffed, shaking her head.

"Get. Up," he said sternly.

She shook her head as a sob escaped her mouth.

He sighed, pushing her up gently so he could stand. He stood up and attempted to grab her body, but she held onto the tub, shaking her head as she sobbed louder, yelling "no."

When he got her up, her body slouched into the water again, so he could have a hard time. It was only when he stepped out of the tub that he froze, feeling the cool air brush against his cold, wet body.

Ignoring it, he leaned down and picked her up bridal style. For a moment, she struggled in his arms, but gave up immediately.

Perhaps, she knew that he was just as stubborn as she was, he noted.

He placed her on her feet in front of the walk-in shower but kept a firm grip on her wrist. He leaned down and turned the handle for the hot water in the shower. He adjusted the temperature with the cold water so that it would be perfect for their freezing bodies.

Hesitantly, he moved behind her and brought his hand to the top of her dress. His eyes trained themselves on the back of her head as he unzipped the dress slowly as she stood in front of the shower sobbing.

When his hand grazed her skin, a sharp, inhale of breath escaped her mouth as the sobs abruptly stopped.

He took a deep breath and then slid the dress down her body. He took a glimpse at the neon-colored bra before his eyes focused on the back of her head again.

 _Not about me…_

He nudged her body towards the shower. "Get in," he instructed.

When he pushed her again, she stepped into the shower.

He followed after her, withholding a groan at the warm water hitting against his body. This felt much better than the cold water.

When he noticed her silence, he opened his eyes and turned to her. And then, the thoughts of taking her against the white tiled walls invaded his mind.

His eyes dropped. Looking at her bare legs until an image of them wrapped around his waist as he took her against the wall crossed his mind.

 _God, stop, stop, stop, **stop**!_

His heart hammered against his chest as he watched her stare at his chest with a blank expression on her face. "Look at me," he demanded, voice heavy with arousal.

When she looked at him through her thick lashes, he leaned down and captured her lips with his tightly.

His hands moved up to wrap around her body, pulling her closer to him tightly.

She responded back just as hard, stopping him from further going through with what he had in mind.

"A-are you sober enough for this? Do you understand what we are going to do? How much I **want** you right now?"

His hand slid lower down her body to the back of her panties, resting on her cheeks.

She blushed, opening her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. So, he squeezed her behind firmly, pulling her closer to him. "Answer me," he commanded in a restrained tone.

She still did not answer him.

Closing his eyes, he sighed, dropping his hands from her body.

 _Self-control, self-control, self-control, Syaoran._

She began to pull his shirt up slowly, but he grabbed her hands tightly. He pushed her body towards the cool, tiled wall. The closer he moved to her, the more her body pressed into the wall.

He placed both hands on the side of her head on the wall, blocking the water from touching her body as much. His eyes dropped down to her body, becoming mesmerized by the little droplets rolling down her skin.

 _Just a little…_

He leaned down and kissed her shoulder.

 _Just a little…_

His tongue dragged up her shoulder to her neck, tasting the water on her skin. Water had never taste so good to him than it did now. His tongue continued to slide up her neck.

When he heard a soft moan escape her mouth, he sucked on the area behind her ear.

 _Just a little more…_

Uncontrollably, his hand moved over to her right breast, grasping it.

"S-Syaoran," she called weakly.

He stopped as soon as he heard the whimper. He sighed, closing his eyes tightly before he moved away from her body.

 _Just a little, alright._

He reached for the liquid soap and loofah. He read the name of the soap with a confused facial expression. She never smelt like vanilla when he was around, so it was weird to see that she had it.

He shook his head, getting rid of the ridiculous thoughts. He squirted a bit of the soap on the loofah, and then lathered it up. He dragged it across her body slowly, watching the foam slide down her body with the water.

She stared at something behind him as he continued to wash her body.

"I've taken advantage of women before," he said as he scrubbed her body, eyes avoiding her face. "But, I've never taken advantage of a woman who wasn't sober-minded."

When she did not respond, he reached behind her with shaky hands and unclasped her bra. With all his control, he kept his eyes locked with hers. He hung the loofah on the hook and used his hand to spread the soapy foams on her breasts.

He closed his eyes, praying that his aching erection would go down when his hands felt how hard and taut her nipples were. When the thought of running his fingers across them again came to mind, he removed his hands.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes tightly before he opened them again, looking into hers. "A woman's husband died…so, I took advantage of her broken heart." He sighed, smiling at her a little. "I feel disgusted by my behavior…so I can't even imagine doing something like that again. To _you_ , especially."

The blank expression on her face was beginning to worry him. "Sakura, I…"

He stopped, shaking his head to get rid of the thought. He hated himself when he got all emotional like this. He had never been emotional in the past, even as a kid.

He sighed and quickly washed the rest of her body.

Once he finished, he turned the shower off and grabbed the towel off the rack. He looked down at her face when he was in front of her again and saw that she was staring at the white-tiled wall.

 _What's wrong?_

"Sakura?" he called.

When she sniffed, he noticed how red her nose had gotten. He wanted to ask her what happened but instead, he put himself in her situation. If he were feeling down and depressed, he would not want anyone to bother and question him about it.

Instead of questioning her emotional state, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed the top of her wet hair.

He lost count of how long he embraced her, but it was only when the warmness in the bathroom began to fade that he released her. Afterwards, he wrapped the towel around her body and gently pushed her body out of the tub.

He stripped from his soaked clothes, leaving his boxers on though. He remembered that he always left a pair of spare clothes in his car, in case of an emergency.

He used another towel to dry his body off before he stepped out with her. "Come on." He wrapped his arms around her body and led them out of her bathroom.

He forced her to sit on the edge of the bed once they settled in her room. "Stay here and I'll get you clothes to put on," he instructed.

When she looked at him, he took that as 'go ahead.'

He rummaged through her drawer for several minutes until his eyes came across a set of pajamas. He picked out the yellow pair with little bears on them.

He smiled a little and then stood from his stooping position on the floor. He walked back over to her.

With his eyes trained on her emotionless face, he pulled the towel from her body. He slipped the long-sleeved shirt over her head and sighed when she would not cooperate with him.

"Sakura," he called in a warning tone.

He grabbed her arm and then pulled it through the sleeve with much difficulty.

This felt like déjà vu, all over again, except with another person. Taking care of someone who is emotionally drained was nothing new to him. He did it all the time as a kid, but it was unnerving to see Sakura like this.

Instead of dwelling on that feeling, he reasoned that it may have been because she was the one who always took care of him.

When he finished putting her shirt on, he slipped the pants on with as much difficulty as it was to get the shirt on.

Not wanting her to get sick, he blow-dried her hair after he found it.

When the cool air brushed against him, he was reminded that he only had on the wet boxers. He stooped in front of her, grabbing her hands. "Sakura, can I trust that you won't do anything while I run out to my car?"

She only stared at him blankly, so he squeezed her hand gently. "Please, answer me," he said, sounding a little desperate and worried, all the same.

She gave a slight nod, which he noticed. He brought her hands to his lips, kissing them before he released her. "I'll be back in less than three minutes," he promised.

Once she nodded again, he rushed out of the room, and then the house.

His breath caught in his throat the moment the cool night air hit him.

 _Not the smartest idea…_

He rushed to his car and grabbed the clothes and rushed back into the apartment. He closed the door, locking it. He was back in her room in less than three minutes, as promised.

Syaoran was relieved when he saw her sitting in the same spot he left her, staring at the floor. He sighed, slipping the plain shirt over his head, and then taking the wet boxers off. He used the towel he had earlier to dry off before he slid the dry pair on.

He walked to the bed and sat beside her. "You want to get some sleep now?" he asked gently.

She did not say anything for a long while before she rest her head on his shoulder. "She killed herself…" she said quietly.

Syaoran froze beside her briefly.

She took a deep breath. "It's my fault…"

"Sakura—"

"No, it is. I shouldn't have become attached to her."

Syaoran wrapped his arm around her. He did not know what to say.

"I've failed again. What's the point of trying anymore?" she whispered brokenly.

She silently cried as he held her tightly. He felt a little useless, knowing that there was nothing he could do to make her feel better.

Syaoran knew exactly how she felt, though. He loses patients every day, so he knew hearing "It's okay," or "Everything is going to be alright," were empty promises.

So, he let her cry on his shoulder. He would normally use sex to make himself feel better, but he knew his method would be no good for her.

When her crying subsided, he loosened his grip around her body. "Sakura," he called softly.

She sniffed, lifting her head off his shoulder to look at him.

"Let's lay down," he suggested.

She nodded, standing from the bed.

He pulled the sheets back and waited for her to climb inside. He followed her, pulling her body closer to him again. He would be sure that she does not escape this time.

When their bodies tangled together, Syaoran lifted her face so she could stare at him. "I know there's nothing I can do to make you feel better. But, know that I understand how you're feeling. If there's anything you need or want, just let me know and I'll try my best to get it for you," he said sincerely.

Her nails gently dug into his arms as she held him tightly. "Talk…" she said quietly.

"About what?" he asked, looking at her face as she stared at his chest.

"Anything…"

He rested his chin on top of her head as he felt his heart beginning to beat quickly. "Okay," he said calmly.

 _I can do this…_

"I…had an older brother," he said slowly.

He stopped, waiting for her response, but one never came to that statement.

"I'm just going to listen," she said, loosening her grip on his arm.

He nodded. "Well, he's past tense because he's no longer on this earth. And, I should be sad that he's dead, but…" He shook his head slowly while staring at the clock on her nightstand. "I'm not. I hate him. Sometimes, I'd find myself being glad that he died."

He knew that he sounded heartless, but he meant every single word. Also, he wanted to be honest with her.

"Why?" she asked softly.

"Because, everything that happened to me is his fault. He's the one to blame for everything bad that's happened to me," he said tightly. "So, I hate him. I never met him, but I hate that he ever existed."

He slid his hand down her arms slowly and then pulled the sleeve of her shirt up a little, so he could stroke the skin. He cleared his throat and continued to stroke her arm. "You know, I'm glad that you didn't know me in the past…" he said, abruptly changing the subject. "You wouldn't have liked me."

He moved back so he could grab her chin and force her to look up at him. He kissed her tear-stained cheek. "Remember when I told you about the control that I love to have during sex?" he asked.

She nodded, staring into his eyes as if she were in a trance.

He released a short, humorless laugh. "Years ago, I went to this…club. It was interesting," he said thoughtfully. "Very interesting."

A small smile tugged on her lips.

As always, he leaned down to kiss her lips softly, unable to control himself.

"What kind of club?" she asked against his lips.

His face lit up, feeling the blood rush to it. "It was…" he trailed off quietly. "Unusual. I thought that I'd be into it, which I was. But, the lifestyle and _that_ much control over a woman's life was too much."

"I get it," she said quietly.

"Why—" He stopped, not wanting to make her switch into her profession. Instead, he asked, "Do you think that I like to have so much control because I didn't have any as a kid?" he asked.

"That is why, so you're right. After you told me everything you love to have control over—what you eat, specifically, I knew that it had something to do with your childhood," she said softly.

He stared at her in awe, a little surprised that he had been right. He held her tightly. "You should have told me before instead of leaving me to wonder," he said.

"I don't make assumptions…except for this one time."

"About what, though?" he asked.

"Making you feel comfortable in the first session. Normally, I'd tell a patient about myself in the beginning to allow them to feel like they can trust me. I…I didn't do that with you, though," she said. "I assumed that I didn't need to. And then, I started to feel nervous when I found out who you were."

"So, do it now," he said encouragingly. "Tell me about you."

She snuggled closer to him as he held her tighter. "Tomorrow, then," she said softly.

His heart sped up. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah."

He closed the gap between their lips and kissed her passionately for a few minutes. "Okay. Sleep with me?" he asked after pulling back from his lips.

When she nodded, he pulled her head to his chest and closed his eyes. It did not take a full minute before he fell asleep.

* * *

Syaoran shifted in his sleep, half-awake already. He had been in and out of sleep for the majority of the night, trying to make sure Sakura had not left him again. He could not afford waking up to see her body lying dead in another room.

Eventually, he fell asleep, which was the reason he could not bring himself to fully wake up now.

"It's past twelve," he heard her soft voice say beside him.

His lips curved a little and he reached over to wrap an arm around her. Briefly, he wondered when they had untangled their bodies, but then remembered her moving away from him a little and telling him that she had been hot last night.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly before opening them a little to look at her.

She was turned to him, staring and holding her head up with her hand.

He held back a yawn, not wanting to blow his breath in her face so early in the morning.

She smiled, seeming to notice. "I have an extra toothbrush in my bathroom if you want to use it," she said softly.

He returned the smile and leaned over to peck her lips lightly. He sat up in the bed, stretching as his eyes tried to get used to the light shining in the room from the window. "Good morning, by the way," he said after he finished stretching.

"Good afternoon," she corrected.

He stretched again, standing from the bed and releasing that yawn he held back minutes ago. "What color is the toothbrush?" he asked.

"Purple."

He leaned down to kiss her forehead again. "Stay here. I'll be back shortly," he said after pulling away.

She nodded, leaving him with no choice but to head to the bathroom.

He found the toothbrush easily, much to his relief, and brushed his teeth quickly while staring at his reflection in the mirror.

His hair looked messier than normal and he had a little more than a five o' clock shadow on his face.

He did not look bad, nor did he look his best, though.

For some reason, he did not really feel ashamed of himself, looking this way in front of Sakura. She knew too much about him for him to feel embarrassed by his appearance, so he thought it best to not worry about it.

Once he finished brushing his teeth, he attempted to comb his fingers through his hair to tame it a little, but it only made it worse.

Sighing, he gave up and headed back to Sakura's room.

He felt relieved to see her still lying in the bed as he instructed her to. "How are you holding up?" he asked gently, walking over to her. He climbed in the bed beside her and pulled her body to his.

"Honestly?" she asked a little too quietly, but he still heard her.

"Of course."

"I have a headache, but thanks to Tomoyo for forcing me to drink all that water, it's only minor."

"And?"

She took a deep breath and then released it. "I don't know. You, being here helps, though," she said.

He smiled, nuzzling her neck when his insides turned into mush again.

 _God, why?_

"I'm glad," he said against her skin.

"Crap," she said, suddenly pushing away from him so she could sit up.

He frowned, sitting up with her. "What is it?" he asked.

"I forgot to do something last night," she said, getting out of bed.

"You weren't in the correct mind to do anything last night," he said, watching her look around the room. "What are you looking for?"

"My phone," she said distractedly as she looked under the bed.

He frowned. "Why? It's in the living room where your purse is," he said.

"I'll be back to get it," she said, already rushing out of the room.

She came back in less than thirty seconds with the phone in her hand as her eyes glued to it.

"Come here," he said.

She walked over to him, climbing in the bed with him again, attention still glued to her phone.

"Who is it?" he asked, feeling his heart tighten in his chest.

"I forgot to tell Aki that I got home safe," she said.

He snatched the phone from her immediately, switching the phone off. "He doesn't matter," he said.

She frowned, attempting to grab her phone from him, but he held it back. "Syaoran, he's probably worried sick about me. He called over ten times already," she said, staring at him seriously.

"Why? Is there something you're not telling me?" he asked, holding on to her phone tightly.

"You're going to break it," she said, reaching to grab it from him.

He placed it under his body, holding on to it tightly still. "Answer the fuc—answer the question, Sakura," he demanded sternly, glaring at her.

She stopped trying to get it, looking at him with a frown on her lips. "There's nothing to tell you," she said.

He held on to the phone a little tighter, looking in her eyes to find any trace of dishonesty. "Are you involved with him too?" he asked.

"No," she said.

Even though she said that, the feelings still would not go away.

"I promise…now, give me my phone, or he'll surely come here."

"Why the hell would he do that?" he asked, glaring at her.

"The same reason why you would," she said.

He huffed, shocked by that statement. "There is something going on between you guys—"

"Syaoran, stop it! Don't make me feel any worse than I already do," she said, staring at him desperately.

He stopped, guilt creeping in immediately. "Sakura—"

"Please, just give me my phone," she said brokenly.

His heart ached, hearing that tone, so he handed her the phone. Suddenly, he felt like he was the most immature person alive.

She accepted it, and then attempted to stand from the bed, but he grabbed her wrist gently, stopping her. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you feel that way," he said.

Her eyes began to water a bit before she looked away from his, nodding. "Okay."

Relieved that she had forgiven him, he pulled her back, so she could lie on the bed beside him. "Tell him that you're safe or whatever and then turn your phone off," he said, leaning over to kiss her lips gently. "You're mine today."

A blush crept to her cheeks, and she pushed him away weakly, so she could sit up. "Okay," she said, switching her phone on.

He watched her punch in the man's number, feeling a bit happy that she did not try to leave the room for privacy.

* * *

"Who's your favorite sister?" Sakura asked him as they lied in front of the fireplace under a blanket cuddled together in the living room.

Syaoran caressed her bare stomach with his hand under her shirt. "Fuutie, the oldest," he said with a smile.

He felt proud of himself. They had been lying here for the last two hours getting to know each other more after he cooked them something to eat. Not once had he thought about making advances on her because he _really_ wanted to know more about her, other than her body.

So, now he knew about her family; that it was only her, Touya, and her father, who is named Fujitaka. She told him that her mom had died when she was very young, so she did not know much about her. She even told him not to sympathize for her when he attempted to with failure.

Then, she told him what she liked to do outside of her profession, which was cooking, spending time with her friends, and ice-skating.

She had told him so much more that he was afraid that he might not remember everything, but then he remembered that he could never forget anything about her.

Sakura smiled, fingers playing with the little hairs on the back of his neck. "Why?" she asked softly.

"She's the most annoying," he said blandly.

Her fingers stopped as she looked at him confused.

He pulled her closer, if that were possible, and smiled. "She's stubborn, persistent, aggressive, irrational—"

"So, everything you are?" she asked with a twinkling glee in her eyes.

He chuckled, letting his hand rise higher in her shirt a bit. "Exactly," he said, leaning over to kiss her neck.

She sighed contentedly. "So, she's your favorite because she's like you?" she asked.

"Yes," he said in a proud tone.

She giggled, shaking her head. "Egomaniac," she said.

"Egomaniac or satyromaniac?" he asked, beginning to kiss down her neck slowly.

Her giggling slowly died down as her chest rose and fell a little quicker now.

His hands slid higher as he pulled the top of her shirt down a little to kiss her collarbone, with his other hand. After he licked it, he stopped.

"Which is it?" he asked teasingly, looking at her flushed face now.

"Th-that's a hard question to answer," she stuttered, staring at him with heavy-lidded eyes.

He was beyond aroused right now but promised himself that he would go the day without sex, and any other self-pleasuring performances. Plus, today was about getting to know her.

He just enjoyed seeing her like this, and knowing that he had this effect on her, just as she did on him. But, for once, he wanted to try and go a day without any sexual activities.

He could not even remember the last time he had done that, if he ever had since he discovered the world of pleasure.

With all his control, he removed his hand from under her shirt. "I guess we're going with egomaniac then," he said, and then gently nipped her collarbone.

When she released a loud moan, he removed his hips from her body to avoid rocking his hips against hers until he had what he swore not to have today.

He sat up from the lying position and reached for his empty glass. "I'm going to go and get something to drink," he said, wanting to get out of there before he threw the idea of not having sex today, out the window.

With a flushed face, she nodded, staring at him.

Clumsily, Syaoran stood from the floor and rushed out of the living room. He walked into the kitchen, going straight to the sink to fill his glass up of water.

He turned around, leaning against the sink, and drank some of the water. He could not understand why he always put himself in situations like that, knowing that he was a weak man when it came to her _and_ sex.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to lead his thoughts somewhere else appropriate. When he opened his eyes, they looked at everything in the room to concentrate on something else.

They scanned the kitchen one last time before they stopped on something across the room from him.

A frame.

Slowly, he walked to the other side of the room to have a look at the photo. He picked it up, looking at the dirty, blonde-haired man in it.

 _Who the hell is this?_

He stared at the photo a little longer until he felt himself growing more and more annoyed with it.

Out of these last two hours they had been talking nonstop, Sakura never mentioned that she had a special person in her life.

There was no way that this man was not special to her, considering the fact that she had a _photo_ of him framed in her home.

His hand tightened around the frame, almost breaking it until he dropped it. He wondered how he had not seen it sitting over here earlier when they were in the kitchen together.

"Syaoran?"

His head snapped in the direction of the entrance where he heard her calling him. He took a few deep breaths to calm his anger and raging heart.

There was no point in jumping to conclusions when he knew nothing.

 _Nothing…_

Syaoran knew that it was time to push his feelings to the side and ask her those questions that had been taunting him for the last twelve hours.

He put the photo back down, positioning it to where it was before and walked back to the living room.

She was still under the blankets but sitting up now. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He walked over to her and got under the covers with her again. "Give me the word of the feeling…" he said quietly.

"What?"

"A person who's very possessive of someone and gets furious when he sees, or even _think_ about her being with another man," he said.

"Jealous—what's going on?" she asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.

 _That's what it is!_

"Sakura, how many men have you been with? I don't think we've talked about this," he said tightly, not even caring that she might notice his change in demeanor anymore.

She let out a short laugh, dropping her hand from his shoulder. "One."

"One?" he questioned, looking at her.

"Yes. Where is this coming from?" she asked, looking at him confused.

"How many other men have you slept with?" he asked, feeling his blood boil at the thought.

"Two," she said.

"Is one of those two the bastard who works in my hospital?" he asked tightly.

"Syaoran—"

"Just answer me, Sakura," he said sternly.

"Aki's my therapist, and a long-time friend," she said, almost sounding a little reassuring.

He did not feel the least bit assured, though.

"What's with the pet name then? It annoys the hell out of me every time you use it," he said, even sounding annoyed.

To his surprise, she giggled and laid back down on the pillow. "Lay down or get under the blanket. I'm getting cold."

He sighed exasperatedly. "You're not avoiding this, Sakura," he said, laying down beside her.

She pulled the blanket closer to her body. "Thank you."

"Sak—"

"In undergrad school, he refused to tell me his first name. We have done projects together, but I never heard his first name. Later, I found out that he talked with the teachers and asked them to leave his first name off the roster. So, I stuck with addressing him by his last name. Since he wouldn't tell me his first name, I gave him the nickname because it felt weird addressing him by his last name when we were really good friends."

Syaoran stared at her face, hoping to see any form of dishonesty. Like always, he found nothing.

She smiled a little. "I'm serious. He hates his first name because it's a female name."

 _What **is** his first name?_

He took note to look at it later.

"Who are the guys you slept with, then?"

"You and my previous boyfriend," she said, sounding nonchalant about it.

He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her body closer to his. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend in the past," he said quietly.

"I'm in my late twenties, Syaoran," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"So?" he said, sounding offended. He questioned why she had to have one, to himself.

"I've had one. How many have you had?" she asked.

"I don't know if I'd call those girls, girlfriends, but three. There were no feelings on my part, though," he said.

"I see…"

"Is the previous boyfriend the man in that photo in the kitchen?" he asked suddenly.

She froze under his arms, which he immediately noticed. She did not say anything for a long while, causing his irritation to grow.

"Who the hell is that, Sakura?" he asked.

"O-oh! Eiichi!" she said, attempting to sit up, but he held her tightly, so she could not go anywhere.

"Eiichi?"

"Yeah. He's the previous boyfriend," she said, forcing a smile on her face.

"Why is…there a _photo_ of him in your kitchen?" he asked, closing his eyes tightly.

"Why not?" she asked, shrugging under him.

"Get rid of it since it's nothing important then," he said testily.

"Why would I do that?" she asked.

"I don't like it there."

She looked at him as if he were insane. " ** _So_**? Syaoran, it's just a photo, and this is _my_ home."

He moved his arms from her body and stood from the floor. He began to pace back and forth in the room, trying to calm himself down.

Jealousy.

That was what she told him this emotion is.

He turned to her, looking down at her. "Do you still have something for him?" he asked tightly.

"He was my first—"

"That's not what I asked. I don't _want_ to hear that," he interrupted.

"I'm sorry, but can we change the subject?" she asked, looking at him.

When he looked at her face, all those emotions washed off him, seeing the sorrow in her eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded, and then sat back down beside her. He got under the covers with her and wrapped his arms around her body again.

 _I'm such an asshole._

"I'm sorry for being this way," he said sincerely. "I know I keep being mean and rude, then apologizing when I notice my mistakes, but..."

She did not say anything as she rest her head against his chest, staring at nothing in particular.

"I don't mean to be this way, really."

He stopped talking after that and just held her, taking the hint that she just wanted to lay there and remain in silence.

* * *

Syaoran looked at the clock for the umpteenth time, seeing that it was five o'clock.

They had been laying here for the last two hours in silence, holding each other. He had not said anything to her, fearing that he might upset or hurt her further than he already had.

He still wanted answers about the Eiichi man, but knew better than asking her about him right now. Whatever the man was to her, Syaoran knew that he was special. Otherwise, she would not have shut down on him like that so fast.

They were having a good time all day until he saw the picture and asked her about the men in her life.

He sighed, caressing her hair again. He just wanted her to talk, let him know how she felt right now. To hear her _voice_ …

As if she could read his mind, she moved her head and rest her chin against his chest, looking at him. "The fire's going out," she said quietly.

"Sakura," he called, sounding relieved that she had finally spoken to him.

She bit the inside of her cheeks, looking down a little. "I just…" She looked up at him with a sad smile on her face. "I don't talk about him anymore."

While looking in her eyes, he could see her silently begging him to be understanding. He gave her a small smile. "Okay. You don't have to," he said softly, pulling her up so he could kiss her lips gently.

She smiled against his lips and kissed him back, holding on to his body tightly.

He broke the kiss as soon as it began and kissed her nose. "Let's do something," he said.

She looked him in the eyes curiously. "Something like what?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Something aside from lounging around. It's five o'clock and that's all we've done," he said with a smile.

She returned the smile with a blush on her face. "That's kind of what I want..." she trailed off.

He stared in her eyes, looking to see if she were telling the truth. "That's fine. I just want to be here with you," he said softly.

Her blush deepened, and she laid her head on his chest. "Thank you..." she almost whispered.

"Anytime and thing you need," he said, hearing the honesty in his tone.

"You haven't had any calls from the hospital today?" she asked.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "They can go a day without me," he said.

"So, you have?"

"A few, but like I said, they can go without me. Besides, I told Dr. Hanaka to call my personal cell if anything happens and they really need me," he said, reassuring her that she had nothing to worry about.

"Okay..." she said quietly.

His hand dragged down her back, resting on the lower part. "Yeah. Are you going to go back to work tomorrow?" he asked.

She remained silent for a moment before he grabbed the back of her head gently, making her look up at him.

He stroked her back with the other hand, seeing the sadness cloud her eyes once again. "You don't have to. Take a few days off," he suggested.

"I can't do that..." she said quietly.

"Sure, you can. Just call your scheduled patients and tell them that an emergency came up," he said.

She shook her head, laying her head back down on his chest.

Before she was out of eye shot, his eyes caught a glimpse of the tears forming in her eyes.

"Just a few days, Sakura. You need a break," he said, making her look at him again.

She sniffed, shaking her head again. "I can't let those people down, too," she said brokenly.

"You're going to let them down by putting yourself through this much pain."

"I—"

"Sakura, just _please_ ," he said desperately, looking at her worried.

He really did not want anything to happen to her, and if she continued to push herself like this, something was bound to happen to her health.

"Okay," she said quietly.

He sighed in relief, pulling her up his body slightly so he could kiss her lips gently.

She pulled back after a few seconds and sat up. "I'm going to get my phone, then," she said.

He grabbed her wrist gently, shaking his head. "Stay here. I'll get it," he said, already standing from the floor before she could.

He wanted to do as much as he could for her now. He did not know when he would see this vulnerable side of her again, so he wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to take care of her. She deserved this much from him, at least.

He walked to her room and looked around for her phone.

When he spotted it on the night stand, he walked over to it and grabbed the phone. For a moment, he thought about turning it on, until the thought turned into curiosity.

He was never a prying man, but with Sakura...

It was different. Something was different that he could not place his finger on. So, he pressed the power button to turn the screen on.

He stared at the screen saver of Sakura and Tomoyo posing for the camera. A small smile tugged at his lips as his eyes trained on Sakura.

Just when his finger began to swipe the phone across to get into it, his mind stopped him.

He could not disrespect her like this by going through her personal things.

Sighing, he left her room with the phone in his hand. He saw her sitting in the same spot in the living room, so he walked over to her with the phone.

"Here," he handed it to her. "Cancel the next three to four days, appointments," he said.

"That's so long, though…" she said quietly.

"Sakura," he called sternly.

She sighed and turned her phone on. "I just…I hate to do this," she said in a small voice.

"But you need to," he said encouragingly.

"Okay…"

"And after you finish the phone calls, we can talk more and watch movies. We can order in pizza or something," he suggested, smiling at her.

A small smile formed on her lips as she looked at him. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you so much." She jumped on top of him, embracing him possibly with all her strength.

His face warmed as he wrapped his arms around her body a little tightly. He could not understand why he felt so good inside whenever he did something to make her feel better.

She released him and then held up her phone, showing him that she was going to call them.

He nodded, moving away from her a little to avoid any body contact. He was still aroused but did not want to cause any trouble for her, nor did he want to break his commitment.

"Hello? This is Dr. Kinomoto…"

He drowned out the rest of her of her conversation out, collecting his thoughts. He did not want to do anything else to upset or worry her today. He had already done enough, so he wanted to please her in the only way he could; acting on his best behavior.

Though he could never contain the thoughts, he scratched out the idea of talking about past relationships. It was obviously an off-limits topic for her, he noticed. So, he wanted to respect her wishes. For today, at least.

"Thank you so much for being understanding," he heard her say when he left the thoughts alone.

"Alright. Bye-bye," she said and then ended the call.

He looked at her, grabbing her hands. "All done?" he asked in a soft voice.

She gave him a sad smile, nodding.

"Come here," he said, gently pulling her face towards him so he could place a brief kiss on her lips.

When he pulled back, he caressed her cheek with a smile on his lips. "I'm going to get my phone and order a pizza. Will you be alright by yourself for a few minutes?" he asked teasingly.

She let out a short, humorless laugh. "Go," she said, pushing him up weakly.

He chuckled and kissed her lips one last time before he stood up. "Do you have any movies here or do I need to go out and get one?"

"I do," she said quietly.

"Well, you can pick whatever movie you want and set it up. Or, I can order the pizza—cheese, right? And then come back and set up whatever movie you choose, or—"

"Just order the pizza," Sakura said with a knowing smile on her lips.

He blushed, feeling embarrassed by his rambling and nervousness. He could not explain why he felt so nervous suddenly.

"Okay," he said and then rushed out of the living room to her room.

Once there, he picked up his phone and dialed the closest pizza place.

After he finished the phone call, he headed back to Sakura, only to see that she had set up the movie and already had it playing as she sat on the couch, waiting for him. He smiled and walked over to the couch and sat down beside her.

"What did you choose?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close to his side.

She shrugged, laying her head on his shoulder while staring at the tv. "I don't know. The first movie I picked up," she said.

He turned to the tv, looking at the introductions scrolling through. He turned to her again and gave her a slight squeeze. "It's fine. I do the same thing sometimes. Just hearing something play soothes me," he said, stroking her arm unconsciously.

When a response never came, he looked down at her face to see if she had fallen asleep or something. "Sakura," he called her name when he saw her staring at the tv screen unfocused.

"Is she dead?" she asked quietly.

Unpleasant chills glided down his body at the random and sudden question. Swallowing, he shook his head slowly, but then remembered she was staring at the movie playing on the tv. "I don't know—no, maybe. To me, yes."

"Don't you want to know?" she asked.

"No," he said quickly. "I don't care if she is or not, physically."

Sakura lifted her head from his shoulder, so she could look at him. "Syaoran," she called disapprovingly.

He sighed. "I know it sounds bad, but it's true. She didn't do anything good in my life, so why should I care?"

"Because she brought you into this world," she said softly.

He paused and thought about it for a moment.

She _did_ bring him into this world, so it should be easy to care if she was still alive or not. He did not know how he could even think about caring about her, though.

"I didn't _ask_ her to, did I?" he said tightly and breaking the eye contact between them.

"No, but she still did," she said sadly.

He sighed, pulling her to his body tightly. "Do we have to talk about her right now?" he asked, not wanting to get on this topic with her.

He had already done enough damage to her today and did not want to add on to it. Talking about the woman who gave birth to him would surely add on it.

"I want to," she said in a small voice.

Closing his eyes, he contemplated whether or not he wanted to do this. It was talk about **_her_** and possibly cause more damage to Sakura or avoid the topic and continue to sit through her silence.

"I'm sorry. We don't have to," she said, voice shaking a little.

"No, I want to," he said without thinking.

She pulled back from him, staring in his eyes seriously. "Are you sure? We don't have to if you don't want to."

"I'm positive," he said, offering her a forced smile.

She gave him a small smile and she grabbed the remote control to turn the tv down a little.

He took a deep breath and then released it. "We aren't talking as therapist and patient now, right?" he asked.

The smile faltered from her lips. "No."

"Okay, good—"

His phone chimed, buzzing on the edge of the couch.

He sighed, reaching over to grab it. It was a text message in a group chat.

 **'Li Syaoran, you pick up my phone call right now!'**

He mentally groaned, annoyed with the person texting him.

"Who is it?" Sakura asked, sounding a little concerned.

Knowing that she sensed his annoyance, he gave her a reassuring smile to let her know that it was nothing to worry about. "It's just Meilin, my cousin. She calls at least twice a week to check up on me. I didn't pick up the phone when she called, so I guess she thinks texting me to call her will make me pick up," he said with a chuckle.

She smiled a little and then shook her head. "Oh, you had an annoyed expression on your face when you looked at your phone," she informed him.

"Because I am annoyed. I haven't answered any of her calls for the past year or so, and she still hasn't taken the hint."

"That's not very nice, then. She's probably worried sick about you," she said, looking at him disappointed.

"She'll be fine—"

"You should call her back and let her know that you're fine," she interrupted.

He sighed. "Sakura—"

" _Syaoran_ ," she said, exaggerating his name a bit.

Chills ran down his entire body as his entire body became hot, hearing her call his name like that.

He looked at her face, eyes landing on her lips.

It had probably been less than an hour ago that he kissed them, but it felt much longer than that.

"Syaoran?" she called, snapping him out of his thoughts. "What—"

He gently pushed her to the other side of the couch, so her head could rest on the cushion. He grabbed the side of her knees, closing her legs so he could climb on top of her on the uncomfortable couch.

Sighing, he rested his forehead against hers with his eyes closed. This had been the longest that he ever went without any form of release.

 _This is long enough._

When her soft fingers caressed his face, he opened his eyes, seeing her stare at him with a small smile.

He sighed, relieved that she was okay with this, so he leaned down and closed the gap between their lips.

As soon as their lips began to move against each other's, the doorbell rang, causing Sakura to jump under him, breaking their lips apart.

Syaoran chuckled, seeing the look of fear on her face. "It's just the pizza," he said, leaning down to kiss her lips again, but she turned away.

"W-we have to answer the door then," she stuttered, pushing against his chest when the doorbell rang again.

He grabbed her wrist, pinning them to the couch under them. "We don't. They'll leave," he said, kissing her cheek.

"But, you already paid and—"

"Sakura," he called gently.

"Okay."

"Thank you," he said and continued to kiss down her face until his lips found hers again.

* * *

 **A/N: Finally found the time to update this chapter! Thanks to my beta, theDeviantme, and you guys for all the reviews and and alerts. I think** **I responded to them all, but I'm not too sure. I've been stacked with homework and test for the past week, but I do still read each of them! :D**

 **This upcoming week, I have a lot of homework and test, so it'll be harder for me to find time to get the next chapter done(plus, I'm out of town right now!). Also, I** **did promise myself to finish writing t** **he next chapter to EFITL, so I want to stand by it.** **I promise not to make you guys wait too long though.**

 **I'll let you guys know that the next chapter's in Sakura's point of view :)**


	20. Receive a Little, Give a Lot

**"Receive a Little, Give a Lot"**

* * *

Sakura slid her fingers through his hair as her lips responded to his fervently. She could barely breathe but did not want to part her lips from his.

She was in. She was all in and there was nothing that she could do about it anymore. This feeling felt too good. Too great to stop this—whatever they had going on.

Syaoran needed her, and now she realized that she had to be there for him, just as much as he tried to be there for her.

She could admit out loud that she is a stupid woman for doing this, but she could no longer care. She needed him to forget her pain, and he needed her to give him something that he missed out on all his life. It was a win-win situation, so she was willing to give him that lost feeling.

Besides, doing this made her happy again. She may have been an emotional wreck for the last two days, but she has been happy at the same time.

She has someone here with her who understands how she feels.

She recalled Syaoran telling her about the way he used to feel when he lost a patient. So, she knew that he was her guy for this. And, she had been right.

He did and said all the right things. Though she could not remember all of it, he was perfect from everything she did remember.

No one has ever understood her the way he did, and it almost scared her. She often talked to Akinari about her problems, emotional state, and everything else. She never felt that he understood her, though.

She knew that a person does not have to experience the same thing to know how to help people. She used to think that way, but quickly realized that was not the case.

She was very grateful for all her friends and family, but sometimes, she wanted someone who could understand.

And that someone happened to be Syaoran, her patient, her friend, her protector, her...

She stopped thinking, realizing the patterns her thoughts were trailing down.

Syaoran untangled their tongues, pulling back from her so he could look her in the eyes. "What are you thinking so hard about?" he asked, caressing her cheek lovingly.

She could feel her cheeks growing hot at the gesture. "Nothing..."

He kissed down her face slowly, sliding his hand under her pajama shirt. "It is something. You're not as responsive," he said against her skin before snaking his tongue against it.

She shivered, closing her eyes tightly. "I-it's nothing. I just..." She pulled his face up from the crook of her neck, so she could look at him. "I'm okay," she said, smiling at him.

He sighed in relief and leaned down to kiss her lips. "You're okay with this too?" he asked, even though he removed his hands from under her shirt, so he could pull it off.

She smiled, nodding her head.

He returned the smile and dropped the shirt on the small table in front of them. He shifted a little and began to kiss down her face slowly while his fingers caressed her stomach.

She closed her eyes as the temperature of her body rose sky high. She wants this. _Really_ bad, but that small voice, known as her conscious, was telling her to stop this before it was too late. She did not know how to, though. This feels so good. **He** feels so good. So, she felt more willing to wait and see the outcome of this mess she was getting herself into.

She understood why he was addicted to sex like a drug. Not because she was addicted to it, but because she understood what it meant to use something to make yourself feel better.

It is normal to want to feel good, so people would always run back to that object or person to get that same high again. Syaoran was a toxic person who could get her in so much trouble and mess with her emotional state, but he was that person she got that high from. So, she declared that everything would be alright.

"Can we go to your room?" he asked, and then sucked on her neck gently.

She inhaled a breath, catching a moan that tried to leave her mouth. She felt his lips curve against her neck before he dragged his tongue lower down her body.

Her room...

She has not had anyone in her room since...

She could feel the back of her eyes begin to burn. She closed them tightly, focusing on the physical pleasure that Syaoran was giving her. She grabbed his hair before he could reach her breast.

He looked up at her, eyes glazed with lust and a little of something she could not place her finger on.

"Okay," she said, smiling at him.

She placed her hands on his chest to push him up, but he grabbed her hands gently. "What's wrong? You're trembling," he said, gently squeezing her hands.

She noticed her hands trembling under his palms.

He brought them to his lips, kissing them. "Talk to me," he said gently when she gave no response.

"I-I..." she said, wondering if she could really tell him what was wrong.

She noticed over the course of two days that Syaoran was a jealous man and did not mind showing it. He was rude, cruel, and certainly did not mind hurting her when he was.

She looked him in the eyes, seeing the concern in them. "I..." She could not sour his mood, so she shook her head. "It's nothing. This moment just feels so intense for me," she said softly, telling the truth. She just hoped he would not want her to elaborate on the statement.

He kissed her lips long and softly, and then pulled away. "It is," he said.

He stood up and picked her up bridal style with ease.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing it lightly. She felt that this was the least she could do since he had been taking care of her. Also, she wanted to do this; see if she could _really_ do this to prove to herself that she was over her last lover; that he has no powerful hold on her anymore. So, she let Syaoran carry her to her room, receiving little kisses to her face on the way there.

Syaoran was turning out to be a very good person behind the thick layers of anger. It was like after every layer she peeled, there was more anger underneath. It seemed like she reached the last layer now. Seeing this side of him was a little scary.

As soon as her head hit the pillows on the bed, she took a deep breath, and then let it go.

"W-we don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said, stroking her cheek as he hovered over her body.

She looked at him. "No, I want to...I want you," she whispered the last part quietly with a blush on her cheeks.

He let out a frustrated groan and leaned down, capturing her lips in another passionate kiss.

She responded back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He moaned against her mouth and then pulled back, so he could take his shirt off.

She stared at his built figure, admiring his toned physique. She wondered when he ever even finds the time to get a good work out in.

She pushed the thought to the back of her head and reminded herself to ask him later before she opened her big mouth again.

He smirked at her, seeming to notice her gawking. She looked away, face feeling like it could explode with the heat. Syaoran chuckled and then scooted down her body so he could face her stomach.

She sat up a little, holding herself up on her elbows to see him.

He looked up at her with a smile on his face. "Your skin is so beautiful," he said, almost in awe as his hand caressed her arms. "Its soft..."

She swallowed, watching him caressing her skin. Something was different this time. They had not talked the first time they were about to do this. He did not bother to compliment her like this. She noticed that this was getting out of hand.

Sakura placed her hands in his hair, gently grabbing his locks.

"No, let me do this," he said, grabbing her hands gently and pushing her to lay back down on the bed. "Do you trust me?" he asked.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "Yes," she said without much thought into the question.

When his lips caressed her belly button lightly, she realized how much she meant it.

Syaoran kissed her stomach again before he dragged his tongue up her stomach to her right breast, increasing the ache between her legs. As soon as his mouth latched onto it, she moaned.

She closed her eyes tightly, trying her best not to be so vocal as he continued to suck. She wondered why this all felt so good; or if it was him, or her because she had not been involved with anyone for so long.

The intensity was building in her chest when she felt his hand slide between the waist band of her pajama pants and skin. He slid his fingers lower until his hand encountered her wet folds. He slid two fingers between them, and she could not hold the moan back any longer.

He released her nipple and came up to kiss her lips again while his fingers continued to tease her.

She could feel the tension building between her legs as she tried to focus on the kiss. His mouth kissed hers harder, fingers quickly stroking the pleasure bud.

She snatched her mouth from the kiss, calling out his name as she came when he never stopped the relentless rubbing. She felt him kiss her forehead before he stripped her from the rest of her clothes quickly. Before she came down from the euphoria, he was already positioning himself between her legs.

 _When did he take off his pants?_

He kissed her sweaty forehead, nose, and then mouth briefly. "I'm going in," he said gently, swiping her damp bangs from her forehead.

She took a deep breath, calming her panting before she nodded.

He smiled at her and then pushed himself inside her fully. She moaned, clenching her walls around him uncontrollably. He sat still, caressing her knees. "God, I don't think I could ever get used to this," he said in a strained tone.

He pushed her legs open wider, so he could move his body to hover over hers.

She closed her eyes, biting her lip to hold back a moan. She had never been filled like this before and it felt so good.

When his face hung over hers, eyes locking with hers, she blushed at the intensity in his eyes.

"Sakura," he called softly. "I've never felt this good being inside of a woman."

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out, so he began to move inside her slowly. He leaned down and kissed her mouth, silencing the soft moans. She wrapped her arms around his body, holding onto him as he thrust in and out of her slowly.

She liked this a lot, but she needed more. This pace only increased the ache, so she needed him to go harder and faster to get rid of it.

She pulled her lips from his, panting with each thrust he gave. Her hips began to move against his more, hoping he would take the hint.

He groaned, burying his face between her neck. "Do you want something?" he asked against her skin in a teasing tone. Her face lit up and she stopped moving her hips.

His breath fanned against her skin as he chuckled. His hips slowed down too, almost to the point of pain for her. She groaned, releasing his neck.

He chuckled. "Tell me what you want," he said in a husky voice, increasing the speed of his thrusts.

She did not say a word, panting loudly with each thrust before he slowed down again. "Harder," she said quietly.

"What?" he asked teasingly.

She sighed loudly, frustrated with him. "Harder," she almost whined.

His pelvis met hers harder, giving him another moan from her.

Feeling encouraged by the reward, she moaned, "Faster."

He groaned and increased the speed of his hips immediately. He leaned down and kissed her passionately as their bodies continued to move against each other's.

Sakura held on to him tightly as she noticed the rhythm of his thrusts turn into passionate ones. And then, they would become very intense and overwhelming, emitting noises from her that she never knew existed.

This was not just sex anymore. Even she knew that. It may have been the way he kissed her, or the feel of his body against hers, but she knew that he was not just thinking this was sex.

The way his face contorted and his fingers caressing any skin they could said otherwise. The way he kissed her with this much intensity told her that this was not just about sex anymore.

Her hands slid up his back, into his hair, grabbing the locks tightly as she kissed him back passionately.

It was not long after they finished before Syaoran's body slouched against hers.

When their breaths started to come in even pants, Syaoran moved his body from hers so he could lay beside her.

Sakura felt exhausted and highly doubted that she would be able to stay awake tonight.

She took a deep breath and turned over to him. She grabbed his arm tightly and laid her head on his shoulder.

He shifted beside her, appearing shocked by the act.

"Don't leave, okay?" she asked softly, remembering him ask her that the first night they had sex.

"Of course not." He pulled his arm back from her and then wrapped it around her body to pull her flush against him.

She wrapped her arm around his chest, holding on to him tightly. "If you wake up, wake me up with you. If you want water, or _anything_ , wake me. If you even have to go to the bathroom, tell me and I'll go with you. When you wake up for work, wake me with you. Just... please don't leave me in here alone," she said quietly.

She knew how desperate and crazy she sounded but letting him stay here meant facing her past.

She had not slept in the same room with anyone since **he** left her. And Syaoran was still here after giving her the best sex she ever had, so there was no way she could kick him out.

She could go one or two nights without sleep as she did for these last two nights, but, not tonight. She had been exhausted all day, and then they just had sex, so she needed to rest.

If he wanted to stay here, it would have to be by her own terms, though.

Syaoran stroked her arms and kissed her head. "Okay, I'll be here all night. Let's get some sleep," he said gently.

She smiled and laid her head on his chest.

As soon as she closed her eyes, she passed out.

* * *

"Sakura," she heard a voice call her name.

Her lip twitched, and she cuddled up against the object she was holding. She was purposely ignoring the voice that kept calling her name.

She had not slept in the last two days, and before this, she had not slept peacefully in the past few years like she had last night. So, she did not mind acting like a stubborn child who does not want to get up for school.

"Sakura," the soothing voice called again.

As soon as a masculine hand grabbed her shoulder gently, she bolted up, and slapped the hand away hard.

Her eyes opened, looking at the direction of the hand with a glare on her face. She stopped when her eyes locked with gentle, caring ambers.

"What's wrong? You're trembling," Syaoran said softly.

"I-it's nothing. You just frightened me," she said, eyes taking in his appearance.

A frown formed on her lips when she saw him fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. "You didn't wake me," she said eerily, feeling anger rise in her chest.

"I couldn't. You looked so peaceful," he said with a smile.

Her frown deepened, and she grabbed the sheets, so she could cover her naked form and scoot off the bed. She did not want to be in his presence right now. She felt angry, hurt, and scared, almost to death.

He grabbed the sheets, halting her tracks of getting out of it.

She huffed loudly, dropping the sheets, not caring about him seeing her anymore. She nearly stomped to the bathroom angrily.

She started to slam the door shut, but a hand stopped it from shutting. She let out a frustrated growl and pulled against the handle to close it, but it would not budge with his firm hold on it.

She stopped when he yanked it open roughly. Stubbornly, she turned away from him, folding her arms over her bare chest, feeling angry tears burn her eyes.

He touched her shoulders, but she shoved his hand away. "What the hell is going on?" he asked, forcing her body to turn towards him.

She glared at him. "I told you to wake me if you had anything to do. And now, you're all dressed which means that you left my house to go to yours without telling me! You've showered, dressed, probably ate, and—"

She stopped, realizing all the possibilities like, what if she had woken to see him gone? Or, what would have happened if she had not woken? _How_ had she not woken up?

The back of her eyes began to burn before she slammed her fist against his chest hard. "Leave! I don't want to ever see you again!" she yelled, hitting his chest again.

He grabbed her wrist tightly, brows scrunched together in confusion. "What's wrong?" he asked, pulling her into a hug.

She struggled, pushing against his chest hard. "Let go, you bastard! I trusted you! Trusted you enough to sleep in the same room as you and you—" she choked back a sob, shaking her head vigorously.

She could not believe that she trusted him. She asked him to do one thing, and he failed to comprehend what she meant.

She just wanted to sleep peacefully for once, which she did, but he still did not abide by her rules. And that hurt more than anything in the world.

"I don't want to ever see you again!" she whisper-yelled, feeling the dam break loose in her eyes.

Syaoran loosened his grip on her body but kept a hold of her body. "That's not an option anymore," he said sternly.

She let out another frustrated sound. "Just, please leave. I don't want to see you anymore," she said tightly. She hated when he is this stubborn.

"Sakura—"

"No! Get the hell out of my place!" she yelled, pushing against his chest hard.

He stumbled back into the door hard. He looked at her with a dangerous glare that sent unpleasant, fearful chills down her body. He walked towards her, making her cower, so he stopped. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong," he said in a similar tone.

She could tell that he was trying to control his anger and frustration. " _You_! You're what's wrong! I trusted you to do _one_ thing," she said the last part sadly.

"What's the big deal? I'm here now, and I woke you up before leaving to let you know. I have to be at work soon, and I didn't want to bother you with meaningless issues. You looked so peaceful and like you needed the rest, so I let you get the rest." He moved closer to her, grabbing her face gently so she could look at him.

She looked in his eyes, seeing the reflection of her glistening eyes. She yanked her head from his grip, so she could look away. "You're such a heartless bastard. This was not meaningless!" She let out a sob, frustrated with her own emotions. It was always hard to control them with things like _this_. "I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't even want to _see_ you!"

"Sakura, we need to talk about thi—"

"I want Akinari," she said quietly.

Immediately, his hand dropped from her face. "What?" he asked disbelievingly.

"That's who I want right now. So... leave," she said shakily.

She knew that she was being cruel right now, but she really wanted him gone. Akinari was her therapist and he helped her with things like this, so he is who she needed.

She could see his fists clench at his side before he let out a frustrated sigh. "So, you're just going to use me like I'm shit and run off into another man's arms?" he asked tightly.

She looked at him, surprised by the question. "I didn't use you. I trusted you, asshole!" she yelled.

"Trusted me with what?! What the hell, Sakura? I'm so confused," he said.

She shook her head, releasing a loud sob. "Just leave!" she said, hitting his chest again, but weaker this time.

He grabbed her wrist and then took a deep breath before he released it. "Okay. You know what? Fuck it. I don't know what the hell your problem is right now, but you're not just going to try and stop seeing me. I'll leave," he said, tightening his grip around her wrist, but not to the point of pain.

"Please," she whispered.

He leaned down and closed the gap between their lips in a bruising kiss.

Before she could even think to respond to it, he was already storming out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

When she heard her apartment door slam shut, she dropped to the floor and burst into tears.

She had not meant to be so mean, but he disregarded her request. It hurt more than she expected it to because, what if she had woken up when he was gone?

She could not find the answer for the question, and that was why she needed to talk to Akinari.

With that thought in mind, she stood from the bathroom floor, wiping the tears from her face. She walked over to the shower, trying her best to hold in the sobs by biting her lip, but it was not working. She stepped in the shower, turning the water on. She closed her eyes tightly, feeling the water hit against her sore muscles.

More tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered the night they shared.

She had been so cruel...

She wiped at her eyes vigorously with her wet hands to get rid of the tears. To make herself feel better, she reasoned that he deserved that treatment.

She could not even begin to think how she would ever trust him again.

She quickly showered and left to get dressed, feeling anger course through her blood.

As soon as she finished dressing, she went straight to Tomoeda Central hospital.

She nearly ran through the halls and doors, looking for Akinari's office.

When she faced the door, she calmly knocked on the door, not wanting to interrupt anything important.

The door opened, revealing her best friend in his lab coat.

Her heart warmed, and she jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Woah, what's going on?" he asked, stumbling back a little. He wrapped his arms around her small frame, pulling her inside his office.

She heard the door close behind them as he led her over to the couch that is located in the middle of the room.

"It happened again. It happened again!" she exclaimed into his chest, wetting his shirt with her tears.

He caressed her back as he gently pushed her to sit on the couch. "What happened again?"

"I..." She paused, wondering what she could say to him. She had not planned to give away her secret so fast, but now...

"I slept with him," she said.

She felt him freeze beside her before he released her, so they could look at each other. "What?" he asked disbelievingly.

"No. We... _slept_ in the same room together," she corrected, not reading his reaction correctly. She had to tread lightly, even if she was feeling like an emotional wreck right now.

"How the hell did that happen? Sakura—"

"No! Just...hear me out..." she said brokenly. "Saturday night, we went back to my place because I did have something to tell him, and I did tell him. He…just stayed the night, but we didn't fall asleep together. Well, he did...but I didn't—" She stopped, looking at him. "Don't give me that look..."

"Sakura, you know better than I do about this kind of stuff. Are you trying to ruin your career?" he asked, voice rising a bit.

"Please, Aki. I don't need you to be against me right now, too," she said, giving him a desperate look.

"I'm not against you, but—"

"I lost a patient!" she interrupted, tired of hearing this conversation run around in circles.

His eyes widened, so she looked away. "She…committed suicide...so...I found comfort in Syaoran because I know that he understands. He loses people every day..."

"And uses sex to make himself feel better?"

"Don't do that! That's not what we did Saturday night," she said with tears filling her eyes.

"Do you expect me to believe that, that son of a bitch didn't take advantage of your drunken state?" he said, standing from the couch with a scowl on his face.

She grabbed his arm, stopping him. "He didn't. I swear...he was very kind and gentle. And he made sure that I got in safe and he took care of me." Her cheeks warmed, thinking about that night. "He didn't take advantage of me. I would have told you if he did, and you know that."

He sighed in relief, sitting back down beside her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder again, pulling her close to him. "Thank God. If I ever find out that the son of a bitch has done anything to hurt you, I'll kill him."

At that statement, Sakura knew she could not tell him that Syaoran and her had been having sex.

"Of course," she said quietly.

He released her and then turned towards her. "Does that explain Saturday night and your behavior? Why didn't you tell me what was wrong?" he asked with a frown on his face.

She shook her head. "You wouldn't have understood. You still can't, but..."

"What happened, Sakura?" he asked, seeming to notice her hesitancy to bring up what _really_ happened.

So, she told him everything that happened for the last two days without the details of their intimacy spent together.

"Damn it, Sakura. What are you doing?" he asked, running his hand through his hair. He looked frustrated with her.

"I don't know," she said sadly. "I need you to tell me."

"You do know, Sakura. You're just refusing to acknowledge it," he said disappointedly.

Her eyes watered again, heart wrenching at his tone. "Please...just...tell me what to do," she said desperately.

"You already know what you have to do."

"I don't. Just give me the answers! What do I have to do to get rid of this awful feeling?"

"End the sessions, Sakura. If you're refusing to do that, draw a line, then. He shouldn't have been in your house to begin with, and he shouldn't be your friend. You know that," he said, frustrated. "Your patients aren't your friends. You can be their friend, but not the other way around. Sakura, you **know** this."

She knew he meant no harm, but she just wanted validity of the wrong things right now. She wanted him to tell her that she was making the right decisions, even though she knew that she was not; that she had not done anything wrong this time. Or, perhaps she just wanted him to tell her this was not her fault.

"It's hard to explain," she said in a shaky voice.

"You like him, Sakura. I get that, but you know you're not emotionally ready for this kind of thing. And, with a patient? I really don't want things to turn out bad for you, but please, tread lightly before you end up doing something you might regret."

 _I know._

"Think with your head, not your heart. You love your job, right?"

 _Of course._

"I know you do, but do you really think getting involved with a **patient** is worth ruining your career?"

 _Of course not._

"Of course, you don't. Just... _please_ , Sakura. You're great. _Really_ great, and you're really smart. Don't do anything that could ruin you again."

She held onto him tighter, nodding her head. "I know...it was stupid to invite him over in my vulnerable state. But...all I could think about was seeking comfort in him because he understands."

He caressed her hair. "I know. I'm not chastising you for feeling that way. But, you have to think logically too, Saks. You know the things that triggers you, so you avoid those things until you feel like you're ready to face those situations. Not with a patient, but anyone you find yourself interested in. If sleeping in the same bed with another person triggers you, don't force yourself, or let anyone force you into that predicament."

"I told you, he didn't force me to sleep with him. We were talking about—"

"I'm not saying he did. I'm just saying...be cautious is all."

She nodded. "I will. It's just...that was the first time I had slept peacefully within the last few years since Tokyo."

Akinari released her so he could look her in the eyes.

Her cheeks warmed, feeling uncomfortable with the attention he was giving her.

"Tell me. Why do you like him?"

For some reason, she knew where this conversation was going before it even started. But, she felt willing to continue it.

"It's a problem," she said quietly.

"You're finding comfort in him?"

She did not feel surprised that he asked that. After all, it was semi-true.

"It started that way, but he's...nice. He's a really good person, but he's just an angry man. I've seen the good side of him. He has a sense of humor and he's a gentleman," she said, looking at him.

"Sakura, you're in a danger zone right now." He looked like he wanted to say something else.

"I know, Aki. I'm **not** in love with him. I know the difference between appreciating a person with an enjoyable character versus being in love," she said honestly.

"I believe you."

She smiled a little, feeling better than she had at the start of the conversation. "I just...I can't believe I let myself trust anyone so easily," she said, shaking her head disbelievingly.

"If you decide that you want to settle down one day, you're going to have to. You do know that, right?" he asked.

She nodded against his shoulder.

"Not with Li-kun, or any other patient though. But, someone you'll fall in love with and want to settle down with."

She heard exactly what he was trying to convey. "I won't end my career for him, okay?" she said. "Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't let myself."

"I know that, Sakura. I just...I don't trust him. I respect him as my boss and for the things that he's done, but I can't let him hurt you. He can hurt anyone he wants, but not you..." he said, holding her tightly.

"That's selfish to all the other women," Sakura said with a pout.

"It is, but you know how I feel when it comes to you," he said, winking at her.

She pushed against his shoulder playfully. "Shut up."

He chuckled, placing a kiss on the side of her head. "I know. You're like the friend some kind of god sent me," he said with a smile.

She giggled. She knew that he meant it. She was glad that he was so understanding.

She knew that Akinari was fully aware that she was not ready for a relationship, nor did he want to ruin their long-lasting friendship with feelings.

There was once a time where they tried to kiss, but felt weird about it, and then agreed that their relationship would never get far. So, Sakura knew that if he ever said anything remotely close to having any kind of feelings, it was in a joking or friendly manner.

"Out of curiosity, do you personally hate Syaoran?" she asked softly.

She could not help but wonder if something had gone down between the two without her knowing.

She briefly remembered Syaoran trying to pick a fight with him on Saturday night. Also, Syaoran would always show discomfort whenever she brought him up.

Then, Akinari would become upset and protective whenever Syaoran's name was brought into the topic about her.

She wondered if she missed something.

He released her and then sat back on the couch. "No. I just know how he is."

"Which is?"

"You said that you kicked him out this morning after finding out he didn't wake you, right?"

Sakura frowned, wondering why he would bring that up when she expressed how hurt and upset she had been by that. "What about it?"

"Most likely, he's upset as well because he didn't get his way, so guess what he's probably doing right now?"

It took her a minute to understand what he was trying to say until it hit her hard. "He wouldn't use sex to make himself feel better," she said, not believing a single word she spoke.

"Are you sure, Sakura?" he asked.

She sighed, standing from the couch. "He wouldn't. We've talked about ways he can cope with his emotions instead of using sex," Sakura said.

 _Why is it so hard to believe, though?_

"Are you sure, Sakura?" he asked again, raising a brow.

She huffed, reaching for her bag. "He wouldn't. Look, thanks for the help...you really made me feel a little better, but I have to get going. I have patients today," she lied.

"Don't you think you should take a few days off—?"

"I'm _fine_ , Aki. I'll see you later," she said, kissing his cheek before she rushed out of the room.

She hated when Akinari would be right. And for some reason, she felt that he was right about this too.

She blindly walked down the halls, looking for any signs of Syaoran.

 _It's just to prove Aki wrong._

She chanted this over and over in her head until she spotted chestnut hair.

He was dressed in the clothes he had on earlier with a lab coat on and a clipboard in his hand.

She looked at the person he was talking to and stared at the woman longer than normal. It was the same woman she saw him try to sleep with the day Touya had woken up.

She swallowed, staring at the two talking.

Syaoran's face gave away no signs if they were talking about sleeping together, or if they already had.

The woman on the other hand seemed to be fidgeting and blushing like a schoolgirl.

Sakura stared for a little while, taking in the emotions that she felt right now. If anything, she felt disappointed, but did not want to jump to any conclusions unless he told her otherwise.

It was only when Syaoran turned in her direction that she noticed how creepy she looked, standing there staring at the two.

He seemed to be as surprised as she had been for being caught staring.

It had only been two hours since they saw each other, yet she felt as if it had been longer.

She noticed him wrapping up the conversation with the woman before he started walking towards her.

Sakura nervously fidgeted with her hands, contemplating if she should run or act like an adult. She could not even remember why she came looking for him anymore.

"What are you doing here?" he almost whispered, glancing around the floor they were on.

There was a handful of people around, but everyone was occupied with their jobs. Some were in a rush, but for the most part, everyone was occupied.

"Come on."

He was already walking ahead of her before she could even respond.

She rushed after him, feeling obligated to.

When they settled in the elevator with a few other people, she was sure to keep a comfortable distance between them.

She felt nervous, not knowing what they would talk about when they got to his office. She knew what they would and would **not** do when they got there.

She was still upset with him, so surely, she was not giving anything to him.

In all honesty, she just wanted to know if he slept with anyone else today after their night spent together.

The elevator doors opened, so they stepped out with a few other people. They walked in an uncomfortable silence until they reached the familiar door.

He opened the door, motioning her to walk in first, which she did.

As soon as the door closed, he turned to her with a concerned look on his face.

"Are you ready to tell me what the hell has been up your ass now?" he asked, staring at her.

She had to bite her tongue at the question, unless she was ready to bark at him, which she was not.

Instead, she sighed. "Have you had sex with anyone today?"

He looked at her confused. "What?"

His hesitancy caused her curiosity to increase. "Have you slept with anyone today?" she asked.

"No," he said with a straight face.

"Prove it," she said testily.

"What the hell, Sakura—?"

"I'm leaving then," she said, turning for the door.

Before she could fully turn, he had already grabbed her wrist tightly, forcing her to turn back to him. "You're not leaving until we settle this," he said in a demanding tone.

"Prove it then!" she exclaimed.

"I...I don't know how, Sakura. You can ask everyone in this hospital if you want to, but I swear that I haven't. In fact, I haven't even looked in the direction of another woman since we began sleeping with each other," he said, pulling her body closer to his.

She ignored the stirring in her chest and pulled away stubbornly. "Back there?" she asked.

She could admit that she sounded like a jealous girlfriend, but she wanted to know that her efforts in helping him were not going to waste. Or, so she convinced herself of this.

"She was showing me her patient's charts, but that's all. I swear that I haven't slept with anyone today. I didn't even think about it, even though I've been upset about you treating me that way this morning," he said, staring at her seriously as his hand slid down from her wrist to her hands so he could grab them.

She pulled her hands back from his before she sighed. "Okay," she said, still not believing him.

"Now, tell me the problem," he said, grabbing her hands again.

She sighed, giving up.

 _The man can be so persistent._

"You lied to me. You told me you'd wake me," she said in a soft, quiet voice.

"I'm sorry, Sakura. If I had known that I _needed_ to, I would have, okay? You looked so peaceful like you hadn't slept in ages, so I couldn't wake you up. What's the problem with that?" he asked gently.

"I..."

She knew that she would have to tell him this little piece of information about herself if they were going to continue whatever this was.

"I can't sle—"

His pager went off, interrupting them.

He sighed, leaning down to kiss her briefly. "Could we talk about this later?" he asked.

She nodded, feeling a little disappointed, but relieved at once.

Just when she was ready to open up.

Without thinking, she grabbed his wrist. "Wait..."

He stopped, looking at her with a raised brow.

She swallowed, not knowing what had come over her. She grabbed his shoulder, pulling him down to her height so her lips could hover directly over his neck.

She pulled the top of his collar down a bit, and then wrapped her lips around the curve of his neck tightly. She sucked against the slightly rough, but soft skin, hard.

She faintly heard him moan and felt him wrap his hand around her waist, pulling her closer as she sucked hard.

She nipped it one time before she licked it, soothing the pain, and then releasing his neck. She observed the bruise mark, feeling a little satisfied with herself.

When he pulled back, she could see the lust in his eyes. He leaned down, kissing her lips hard, but his pager went off.

He pulled back with a groan. "Shit...I want you in this room so badly right now." He released her. "Could you wait here until I'm done, or what are doing when you leave here?"

She licked her lips, and he groaned like a hormonal teenage guy. "I-I don't know—I mean, no," she said, remembering the things that she said they would not do. "I can't stay."

He looked disappointed but nodded. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know. Not to my place...I can't be there right now," she said quietly.

He reached into his lab coat, grabbing out a key. "Here," he said, handing it to her.

She looked at it strange, taking it from him.

"Stay at my apartment. I have a couch, TV, and bed. And, I trust you," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

When his pager went off again, he bid her goodbye quickly and then rushed out the room.

She looked down at the key, not believing he had just given her the _key_ to his apartment.

* * *

Sakura cuddled up to the pillow on the couch, looking at the program on the TV.

She had been sitting here, staring at the TV for the past five hours, and she still had no clue what she was looking at. Her mind was somewhere else, so the program was only on to increase Syaoran's electricity bill.

She took his advice and came to his apartment after she left the hospital. She tried to come up with different things she could do, but she would always conclude that she would end up an emotional wreck in the end.

She wanted to hang out with Tomoyo but knew that she would just trouble her best friend. And then, she thought about sitting at the hospital all day, but realized how depressed she would be.

People died in that place almost every day, so there was no way she could sit there and wait around for Syaoran, while being reminded that people were dying. Besides, she still felt upset with him for leaving her this morning.

At the thought, her arms tightened around the pillow she was holding. She wanted to wreck his home but knew better than to. He gave her the key to his home, trusting that she would not harm a single thing.

Since she did not want to be like him, she decided to be on her best behavior, and not wanting to lose his trust. It had already taken her a long time to get it, to begin with. So, keeping the house nice and neat would do her some justice.

Her phone buzzed beside her, signaling a text coming through.

She ignored it, fearing that she might get an unexpected text as she had a few days ago. She could not afford to hear any news about anyone else dying, so she did not want to take a risk by looking at the phone.

Her phone began to ring, leaving her with no choice but to check it. It was Syaoran.

"Hello?" she answered softly.

 _"Did you get in?"_ he asked.

It had been five hours since she got here, and he was just now asking.

 _How ironic._

 _"Yes."_

 _"Good. Go and look outside the door,"_ he said.

"I can't," she said. She felt too lazy right now. It had been a long time since she had the chance to laze around.

He chuckled. _"Just look when you get the chance. I have to go,"_ he said.

"Okay."

 _"I'll see you tonight when I get off,"_ he said.

She did not say anything for a minute, contemplating if she was going to be here still.

 _Probably not._

"Okay."

And the call ended.

Deciding that she had laid here for too long, she stood from the couch, stretching her sore muscles.

She had walked straight in his home, to the couch and just stared at the TV blandly all day. She never felt good about doing such a thing until now.

She began to walk around the house, looking for anything that could entertain her. The television served no real purpose for her, obviously.

After the long search for entertainment, she settled for his room and closed the door behind her. She looked at everything she could see in the room, searching for something she could find about him. It could be anything, at this point.

She just wanted to learn more about him, even though he was more willing to talk with her. So, she reasoned that maybe she just wanted to snoop and find something more.

In the end, she did not find anything, which made her wonder if he had any secrets that he kept hidden somewhere.

 _But, where?_

When she noticed her behavior, she stopped looking. She was acting out of character, and it almost made her cringe.

She left his room, deciding to end the adventure of finding out the secrets of Li Syaoran.

She could be patient and wait until he told her what he wanted her to know.

When she noticed her demeanor beginning to soften towards him, she chastised herself, remembering that she was still upset with him; and that she does not trust him anymore.

For all she knew, he was at the hospital sleeping with another woman right now.

She huffed, propping herself back down on the couch. At least the woman would see the marks, she told herself. The big, beautiful purple bruise that would show all that he was claimed.

She flipped through the channels for a while before she remembered that he had told her to look outside. So, she stood from the couch and headed for the door. She opened the door, looking for whatever he was talking about, but there was nothing there.

She stepped out the door but stopped when her foot encountered a crunching sound. She looked down, eyes widening at what she saw.

It was a wrapped bouquet of roses with chocolate hearts leaning against it.

The familiar stir in her stomach reminded her of the yesteryears with another certain someone, but she pushed the thought of the man to the back of her head.

This feeling felt a little different with Syaoran. She was not sure what it is, but it was different from the emotion that she felt for her ex.

She leaned down and picked up the bouquet and the heart-shaped box of chocolates. She brought them into the apartment, closing the door behind her. She locked it, and then headed back to the living room.

She sat down and took the envelope that was strapped down by the red ribbons. She tore the envelope and took out the card.

 ** _'I know you're probably thinking this is so cliché, but I don't care. Well, not a lot, anyway. I just wanted to do something that could make you feel a little better. This probably won't but reading it will surely get your mind from things that you don't want it to be on. I know that I've been an asshole from the very beginning of our encounters, but I want to make it up to you somehow. So, I'm really sorry about leaving you this morning. If I had known that waking up next to me meant so much to you, I wouldn't have left you like that. I hope that you can consider forgiving me for my stupid, terrible ways. I'm trying to be better…if not for me, then for you. It's the least I can do to make up for everything else that I've done. Hopefully, I can see you tonight when I get off, and I promise that I'll make up for my stupid behavior. I'm being paged right now, so I have to end this here.'_**

Her eyes scrolled through the letter, looking for something else, but there was nothing else there.

She held on to the letter tightly, feeling a small smile tug at her lips. She could not help but feel flattered by the effort that he was putting into their relationship, even though they were not together.

Akinari had just warned her to tread lightly and think logically, but she could not help but push it to the side for now. Eventually, she would end this with him, but it would only be when she felt that he was ready to function on his own. After that, she would stop all of this before she ended her own career.

She picked up her phone, pressing his chat box.

 **'Thanks for the chocolate. I need to talk to you about something important when you get here.'**

Once the message delivered, she laid back over on the couch, grabbing the box of chocolate. She opened it and took one of the chocolate out to eat. When she swallowed it, she noticed that her taste buds were not working.

She sighed, closing her eyes. It took her a few minutes to decide this, but she finally came up with a solution.

If she wanted to get better and keep Syaoran around, she would have to talk to him. She would have to tell him a little about her past, so he could avoid doing things like he did this morning.

That was the only way this could work.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support! Even though I've been extremely busy for the last few weeks, I've still tried to put in the effort to write the story, so I hope that this was an enjoyable chapter and not just something thrown together because I've been busy non-stop lol. As always, thanks to my awesome beta, theDeviantMe, as this chapter wouldn't be out right now because of her :).**

 **Anyway, what did you guys think about Sakura's point of view? I don't think I've ever written an entire chapter in her point of view in this story, so it felt a little weird doing it here :).**

 **I can't guarantee the next update, but after next week, maybe thing's will wind down a bit and I'll have mercy on my side and get the chance to write a lot more. Writing is so much better than real life...haha.**

 **Ja ne!**


	21. Our Roller Coaster

**"Our Roller Coaster"**

* * *

 _Shit._

Syaoran scribbled on the papers quickly as he flipped from page to page.

It was already past eleven; he had a ton of papers to sign that should have already been completed before ten in the morning when he would have to go to that brunch. And, he had Sakura sitting at home, possibly waiting for him to get there.

She had been sitting there all day alone, probably still upset with him for his stupid behavior that triggered something in her.

He was still confused about her random outburst, but he was sure that it was a personal problem. Definitely not normal **;** which only caused his fingers to scribble down even faster so he could get home and talk to her.

He was beginning to see everything different in life because now, being the chief was starting to get a bit overwhelming for him too. Or, maybe every word and advice Sakura spoke to him was beginning to _really_ make him think.

A few days ago, just before she fell into this depression state, she had told him that he worked too much and did not need to overdo it. And now, he was beginning to think the same even though he was fine with the way things were for all these years. He could not help but feel that he was becoming brainwashed by her like most psychologists do to people.

He sighed, erasing that thought. He finished filling out a few more paperwork before he called it a night. He has someone back home waiting for him.

He did the norm before he left the hospital building. As usual, he had a brief conversation with Haruka and then drove home.

When he reached his apartment door, he dug in his pocket, searching for his key before he remembered that he gave it to Sakura.

 _What the hell was I thinking?_

He knocked on the door softly, not wanting to scare her awake, or anything.

The door opened slowly, revealing Sakura peeking behind the door at him.

His heart tightened in his chest, seeing her current state look the same as it had earlier **–** in distraught. He gently pushed the door open, making her step back.

"Sakura," he called softly.

She looked up at him hesitantly, and he walked further inside, closing the door behind him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I'd be so late," he said, hoping that she was not upset with him.

She shook her head. "No, it's fine," she said quietly.

He walked towards her and grabbed her hands. "And I don't know how much I can apologize for this morning..." he said softly.

He still could not understand what caused her to react in such an aggressive manner. He had not expected her to treat him that way after he had taken care of her for the last two days or so. He wanted to be upset with her, but in the end, he could only feel upset with himself.

She had told him not to do that, yet he did because he thought he was doing her a favor by letting her sleep longer. She looked exhausted and worn out, so the moment he saw her peacefully sleeping, he could not help but let her sleep longer.

She pulled her hand back from his with a frown on her face. "Don't bring that up right now," she said softly.

He leaned down, kissing her lips softly. When he pulled back, he made her look him in the eyes. "We are talking about this, Sakura," he said in a tight tone.

She frowned, pulling her face from his gentle grip. "I know. Just, not now," she said, placing her hands on his chest.

Immediately, he grabbed her hands from his body the moment he felt the stirring in his pants. "When, then?" he asked.

She sat quiet for a moment before she moved her hands from his again and placed them behind his head, so she could pull him down to kiss her.

When her tongue slid past his parted lips, he responded to the kiss, pulling her body flush against his, hard. His hands dropped to her legs, pulling one of them up to his waist as their tongues battled with one another.

He groaned when she pressed her pelvis against his, grinding into his erection.

When she did it again, realization dawned on him that she was trying to distract him from furthering their conversation.

Though it was the hardest thing he ever had to do, he pulled back from the kiss and grabbed her hips tightly.

"Sakura," he called, sounding out of breath.

She dropped her hands to his belt and began to quickly work on it.

Even though he _really_ wanted to have sex with her, the desire to understand her health was greater.

"Syaoran," she almost moaned as she wiggled her hips, so she could slide down his body, onto her knees in front of his crouch.

 _Shit_.

She looked up at him through her thick lashes as she began to unbuckle his pants.

It was one of his fantasies that _she_ was initiating.

When he looked at her again, he took a deep breath and then rest his hand on top of her head. He closed his eyes, hiding the image from his sight. "Get up," he said softly.

Instead of listening to his command, she remained on the floor and began to unzip his pants. "Are you sure?" she asked seductively, and then cupped him.

He jerked back, glaring at her. "Up," he said sternly, feeling extremely aroused, but annoyed at her intentions.

She sighed, standing up from the floor. She did not say anything, while staring at his chest blankly.

He leaned down, kissing her lips gently at first before his mouth became hungry for more. But, he still pulled back, remembering the issue at hand. "Talk to me," he said, almost sounding a little desperate.

She swallowed, moving back from him, and then walking towards the living room.

He was quick to follow after her, not wanting to lose sight of her anymore.

She sat on the floor in front of the couch, leaning her back against it.

His brows scrunched together in confusion. "You can sit on the couch, Sakura," he said, stooping down beside her.

She closed her eyes and then took a deep breath. "I can't sit on the couch," she finally said.

"Help me understand, then," he said stiffly.

He could not help but wonder how Sakura and other psychologists had so much patience with difficult people.

 _Am I like this?_

"Sakura," he called when she did not respond.

"Because I just can't sleep with you!" she exclaimed.

Taken aback with her response, his eyes widened. "What?"

"Sitting on that comfy couch just serves to make me feel relaxed and lazy, which will result in me falling asleep," she explained.

His brows scrunched together in confusion. "That's...good, right? You need sleep, Sakura—"

"I'm _fine_. I was fine before you decided to make me sleep last night," she said, sounding annoyed with him.

He frowned. "You are not going to be fine if you continue to go without sleep," he said.

She sighed exasperatedly. "If we continue to have sex, you can't stay with me, nor can I stay with you," she said in a finalizing tone.

"What?" he whispered.

This should not have been a problem at all, considering that he never stayed the night with women he slept with. But to hear Sakura say that was heart **-** wrenching.

"We can't spend the night with each other anymore—"

"If it's the issue about this morning, we can fix that. I won't ever do it again and—"

"No!" she yelled, surprising him with the volume she used. "I just... don't want to anymore, okay?" she said softer this time.

He took a deep breath, hoping the feeling of pain would go away. "Why can't you sleep?" he asked quietly.

She was quiet for a moment before she shook her head. "It's hard to explain...I..."

"Try, damn it," he said, sounding frustrated.

She huffed, standing up. "Why do I even bother to try with an impatient, pompous, asshole—"

He stood up, grabbing her arms gently. "Sakura, please. Just... _talk_ to me," he said, looking at her pleadingly.

She stared at him for a minute before she released a sigh. She moved closer to him and rest her head against his chest, and then wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry... I'm just...It's not a good time for me. I know that we need to talk, but I find it hard to come up with the right things to say to you. I just..." She shook her head against his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her when he felt his shirt dampen. "How about I ask a question and you answer it?" he asked gently.

She was quiet, except her sniffing. She nodded slowly.

"Let's just sit down. We won't lay down, or anything," he said gently into her hair.

When she murmured a soft okay, he led them over to the couch.

He thought for a moment on what he could ask her without offending her. Apparently, he had her on edge all day.

"Is it nightmares?" he asked cautiously.

"Sometimes," she said quietly.

"Does something happen to you in the dream?" he asked.

When she did not respond, he knew what the answer was.

"Sakura, I would never—"

"I know, I'm just not ready...for _that_ right now. It's nothing personal. I shouldn't have decided something like that without..."

His arms tightened around her unconsciously. "Without what?"

"Nothing. I shouldn't have decided to sleep with you if I knew I wasn't ready," she said.

He sighed softly, wanting to demand straight forward answers out of her, but knew that it was not possible. So, he would wait until she decided to come out with it.

"Well, you can trust that I won't ever do anything to put you in harm's way," he said softly.

"Eiichi would say the same..."

His jaw clenched at the mention of _his_ name and he tightened his arms around her, but not enough to hurt her. "This has something to do with _him_?" he asked, feeling his anger rise at the mention of that name.

"Syaoran," she called.

He took a deep breath and then released it. "What?"

"This is all me..." she said.

"Why the fuck would you mention that name then?" he asked tightly.

"Because, he..."

He held his breath, waiting for the answer.

She sighed. "It's nothing. I do want to continue having sex with you, but I can't sleep _with_ you anymore because I'm not ready for that yet."

He let her go, so he could look at her face. "Yet?" he asked hopefully.

She nodded. "Yet."

"So, you will eventually, then?"

"One day," she said softly. "Hopefully."

"I'll try to be patient and wait then," he said, smiling at her.

Crimson hues formed on her cheeks and she returned the smile. "Okay."

He leaned down to kiss her lips gently and then pulled back. "Do you still feel something for him?" he asked.

"Syaoran—"

"I'm serious, Sakura. I don't like sharing, and if you feel anything for that man, I swear—"

"I don't," she interrupted.

For some reason, he did not believe her. "Sakura," he called in a warning tone.

"I don't, Syaoran." She caressed his face lovingly. "You said you trust me, so trust me with this."

He sighed, resting his hand on top of hers. "Okay. I just..." he said, closing his eyes. "The thought alone of another man on your mind drives me mad."

She did not say anything, causing him to become paranoid.

"Do you think about him too?" he asked.

"I think about you," she said.

His heart skipped a beat and that familiar fluttering sensation formed in his stomach. "What about me?"

"How great you are..." she said softly.

A small smile tugged on his lips. "What else?" he asked.

"How smart and funny you are," she said. "Sweet too."

"Okay," he said, and then brought the hand that was on his face to his mouth to kiss.

"I..."

He opened his eyes, looking at her. He brought her hand away from his lips. "What is it?"

"The woman you were talking to earlier..."

His face relaxed, and he looked at her seriously. "Akari. I swear that we didn't do anything. It didn't even cross my mind to do anything with her. She really was just showing me the charts of a patient."

"She didn't seem to think that," she said in a disapproving tone.

He could not detect if her tone was of jealousy or disappointment as his therapist.

"Well, there was nothing inappropriate going on between us," he said reassuringly.

"So, you've never had sex with her before?" she asked testily.

"I..." He paused, wondering if he should tell the truth and possibly cause an argument to start, or lie to avoid it.

"Yes. She is the woman I took advantage of," he said. "I'm not proud of myself for doing it anymore, though."

When she did not say anything, he looked at her. "I would never do anything like that again, Sakura," he said truthfully.

"Okay," she said blandly.

"You don't believe me," he stated.

She swallowed and then sighed, staring at something on his body.

His eyes detected where she was looking, and his heart began to beat faster.

She had given him a hickey probably bigger than the size of a quarter.

He could not believe that she had done such a thing, which only made him feel even more thrilled and intrigued by her.

No one had ever given him a hickey before, so he never experienced the feeling of being claimed. Quite frankly, it felt beyond good. Or, maybe because it was Sakura who had given it to him.

"Everyone I came across saw this mark," he said gently. "So, they know."

He moved closer to her, pushing her down on the couch. "They know that I'm claimed," he said in a low, sultry voice as his lips travelled down her face.

"I-I didn't mean—"

"Can I do the same?" he asked, lips hovering over her neck in plain sight.

"Y-you've already—"

"I don't care." And his lips were already sucking hard on the sensitive flesh.

His lips kissed down her neck lightly and smirked against her skin when he heard a sharp inhale of breath leave her mouth.

He yanked the top of her shirt down with a hard tug, tearing the shirt a bit. "Don't you like that people can see that I'm already claimed?" he asked against her collarbone.

"I—Syaoran," she moaned when his lips sucked on her skin.

His hips pressed into her, making her gasp when she felt his erection. "I-I'll have to leave after we finish," she said.

He stopped immediately, and then pulled back from her neck. "Sakura..." he almost whined.

She ran her hands through his hair with a sad smile. "I was serious..." she said softly.

"Okay. I don't want to keep you up all night, then," he said with a frown.

"I'm not saying I have to leave yet," she said quietly.

"Really?" he asked, looking at her face with concern. "I mean, are you sure?"

"Yes. We can cuddle and talk for a bit," she said with a small smile.

He sighed in relief and then sat up from her body. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to his room. "The couch is uncomfortable for two," he said.

She giggled. "Are you just using that as an excuse to get me in your bed?" she asked in a playful tone.

He squeezed her hand, making her look at his smirking face. "Maybe. Also, I want to do something for you."

"Why am I not surprised?"

He chuckled and then kicked his shoes off. He began to unbutton his shirt slowly before he stopped, turning to her standing by the bed. "You don't have to wait for me to get in the bed, you know," he said.

She shook her head. "I know. I was just wondering..."

His brows scrunched together, reaching over into his drawer to grab a bottle of grapeseed oil. "What about?"

"Uh... how many women have been in your bed?" she asked in a small voice.

"Sakura, I told you that I haven't even thought about being with another woman since we started sleeping together," he said, sounding disappointed that she had not believed him.

"I know. I just want to know."

He sat the bottle down and slid the long-sleeve shirt off, carelessly throwing it on the chair by the bed. "I don't bring women into my home," he said, pushing her down on the bed.

"Really?"

He chuckled, pushing her over. "Yeah. Why would I?" he asked, sliding in beside her before pulling her close to his body.

"Why am I here then?"

He wrapped his arm around her, and then paused at that question.

 _Why is she here?_

"You're a special case," he said after some thought into the question.

"Meaning?"

"I don't know, Sakura. You mean something to me, I guess," he said, caressing her bare arms. And suddenly, he wanted to have her naked against him.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Well, you're my therapist for one," he said, pushing her up so he could pull her shirt off.

He was surprised when she let him, so he took off the undershirt that he had on.

"And, you're the person who makes me feel happy," he said after pulling her pajama pants down.

He did not bother to look at her in her undergarments, though it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. Having sex with her meant making her leave after. He wanted her here as long as she would willingly stay.

"Alright, fair enough," she said, laying down on his bare chest after he took his pants off.

"And why are you here?" he asked.

"Because I want to be," she said softly, while caressing his chiseled chest.

He shivered, closing his eyes. He was trying to ignore his aching manhood, but the way she touched him was doing no good.

"Why?" he asked, letting his hand slide down her arm, and onto her waist that he grabbed.

"Because I like being around you," she said.

He smiled, pulling her closer to his body, if that were possible. "Oh, that reminds me, why were you at the hospital today?" he asked.

She was quiet, so he squeezed her gently, encouraging her to answer.

"To see Aki," she said.

His hand loosened on her body for a second before it tightened around her. "Did you really go to see that asshole?" he asked tightly.

"It—"

"Damn it, Sakura. I didn't think you were being serious about that," he said, voice raising a bit.

"Please, Syaoran. Not tonight," she said.

"No, I said that I didn't like to share—"

She sat up from his body with a glare on her face. "I said that I'm not sleeping with anyone else, and if you're just going to sit here and act like I'm some kind of whore, then I don't want to see you anymore—"

He pulled her down, crashing her lips onto his in a kiss that they never shared before.

When they pulled apart, he was already pulling her body against his again, possessively. "Can't you just stop seeing him? I don't trust him," he said tightly.

She sighed. "No, I can't stop seeing him. He's my best friend _and_ my therapist, so he's not going anywhere, anytime soon," she said, still sounding a little out of breath.

Syaoran did not say anything, afraid that he might say something to hurt her.

He was consciously trying to work on that because he seemed to do that a lot when she upset him. It was just so hard when she would not let things go his way, though.

"Who would you choose then?" he asked, though he did not want to know the answer. But somewhere deep down, he knew that he did.

"What?"

"Who would you choose? Me or him?"

"Syaoran, you can't ask me—"

"I can. Who the hell would you choose, Sakura?"

She was quiet for a moment before she let out a forced, short laugh. "You're being ridiculous."

"I don't care. Just, tell me," he almost begged.

"He's my best friend and that's as far as it'll get," she said.

He sighed, annoyed with how she could easily avoid topics with statements that always made him feel a little reassured about her loyalty.

So, they laid in silence for a moment.

"It feels like we haven't had a session in a while **,** " she said softly.

He sighed in relief, glad that she was not upset with him.

"Only a few days. I went to the session last Friday night," he said.

"That's true. I guess I just miss it..." she said softly.

He wanted to ask if she meant the money but disregarded the idea immediately. She was not like that, he had to remind himself.

"Maybe...we could have one tomorrow after I leave from Ms. Chiho's place," he said, almost hesitantly.

"The woman you look up to?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. A few months ago, I promised to take some time off to spend it with her kids. They lost their father a year ago," he explained.

"Oh, that's very nice of you," she said.

He swallowed. "Yeah, I just have to finish up a few more paper works and have them turned in by ten, the brunch, and then I'm going to head over there."

"More paperwork?" Sakura asked.

He chuckled a little, nodding his head. "That's the job of the chief. Paperwork, and if I get them done in enough time, surgery. My bosses are very lenient though, so I do a lot of surgeries," he said.

She kissed his chest lightly and he felt her lips curve against his skin. "That's good, then. I hear from a lot of doctors that you guys crave to cut. Is that true?" she asked in a curious tone.

"Yeah, I swear it's like a drug. We get a high out of cutting and fixing something with our own hands," he said with a smile.

It felt a little comforting to know that she was interested in something he enjoyed doing.

"I'm not very good with blood, so I can't imagine myself doing it," she said.

"Blood?"

"Yeah. It freaks me out."

"Well, maybe that's why you're so good at your job."

"What do you mean?"

"Being a psychologist is your destined job, so everything else freaks you out."

She giggled. "Maybe," she said softly.

"So, you don't have anything planned for tomorrow, right?" he asked.

She sighed, blowing her hot breath against his bare skin. "No."

He shivered. "Do you want to come with me tomorrow, then?" he asked.

"Wh-what?"

"To Ms. Chiho's place to spend time with the boys, and you'll get to meet her," he said, giving her a light squeeze.

"Oh."

"I mean, only if you want to."

"I thought you didn't want anyone to know about..."

"Nothing to worry about. I want you to meet her, and I'm positively sure that she wants to meet you."

She lifted her head, looking at him shyly. "Really?"

"Really."

"Alright, then."

His heart nearly leapt out of his chest. "So, we'll spend as much time together as possible, and you're still able to do what you love," he concluded.

She nodded, and he leaned down to kiss her lips as if they were sealing the deal. She laid her head back down on his chest, and they remained in a comfortable silence as he gently caressed any skin his hands could reach. And soon enough, he began to rub soothing circles on her body before he remembered what he had planned for them to tonight.

"Sakura," he called softly.

"Hmm?"

He gently pried her body from his, so he could sit up. "Can I take the rest of your clothes off?" he asked.

Her brows scrunched in confusion as he was already reaching behind her to unclasp her bra. She blushed, covering her breast from his hungry eyes.

"You can keep your panties on," he said, reaching over to grab the oil on the dresser. "Lay down."

She laid down as instructed, letting him have a full view of her body.

He took a deep breath and then twisted the top off the oil to pour some in the palm of his hands. He rubbed them together, warming it up a bit. He gently rubbed both of his hands up and down her arms, spreading the oil on her skin.

"Syaoran," she called softly, trying to sit up, but he pushed her down gently, stopping her.

"No, let me do this," he said, letting his hands glide up her arms, to her shoulders, and kneading them gently.

The soft moan she let out went straight to his groin, but he still ignored his own desires.

He poured more oil on his hands and coated her soft skin with the oil, kneading areas that were tense. His hands only spent a brief moment, massaging her breast to avoid getting carried away. He rubbed down her torso until he reached her thighs, where she automatically closed them.

He smirked, opening her legs slightly so he could teasingly rub between them with his oily hands. He poured more oil on his hands and rubbed down her legs to her feet where he massaged them. He was surprised that she was not ticklish there.

After he finished massaging her feet, he came up from the bottom of the bed and kissed her ear and murmured, "Flip over."

She did as she was told, and he repeated the process on her back, kneading any knots with the right amount of pressure.

His hands glided lower down her body to her buttocks where he squeezed gently before he went lower to massage the back of her thighs and legs.

After he finished, he turned her body over to look at her dazed face. "How do you feel?" he asked teasingly.

"Like mush," she said.

He chuckled and laid back down beside her, pulling her close to his body again. "I had something else in mind too, but I guess it could wait for tomorrow," he said into her hair.

She made a soft humming sound, making him chuckle at her lazy response. He resumed his caressing and soothing circles on her body to relax her even more.

When her breathing became softer and even, he thought about waking her, so she won't freak out again, but erased the thought.

He just decided not to ruin it this time.

* * *

Syaoran gently squeezed her, hoping that this is the easiest way to avoid scaring her again.

"Sakura," he called gently.

He shifted under her, feeling the cool air brush against his soaked skin from their body heat.

Her arms and legs clung to him like a magnet. She was holding him so tight that he was surprised that he had not died from suffocation throughout the night.

He gently shook her this time. "Sakura, baby, I need to get up to finish those papers so today can happen," he whispered in her ear.

She let out a soft moan, stirring in her sleep.

His manhood came to life.

 _Great._

"Sakura," he called.

"I know, I know. I'm up," she murmured, holding on to him tightly.

He smiled, dropping his hand lower down her body to her tailbone. He gave it a little firm squeeze. "Why are you still squeezing the life out of me, then?" he asked playfully.

"Because you let me fall asleep," she said grouchily.

He smiled and gave her a light tap. "Forgive me?"

She sighed and sat up. He was surprised to see a smile on her face. "Only because you didn't leave me this time," she said softly.

He chuckled softly and sat up to kiss her lips lightly and pulled back. "Good morning, kitten," he said in a teasing tone.

She covered her mouth, trying to suppress a yawn. "Good morning. And kitten?" she asked, raising a brow.

"Yes, because your attitude has resembled the behavior of one lately," he said, scooting off the bed. "I'm going to shower and get dressed. Are you doing anything this morning while I'm gone?"

She glanced at the clock. "At five in the morning?" she asked, raising a brow.

"Besides sleeping."

She sat for a moment, giving him time to look at her. She looked so attractive with her bedhead.

His eyes raked down her slim body as the covers bunched around her hips, blocking the view of her matching red panties.

She cleared her throat, snapping him out of his thoughts of having a quick round. She pulled the covers up to her body, hiding the view. "Go shower, or the day won't go as planned," she said, giggling.

He shook his head, feeling his cheeks warm. "You're right. I'll..."

"I may stop by Tomoyo's this morning. Now, go shower," she said, shooing him away.

He went to shower, being sure to rub one off to hold himself off from losing control until later. He dressed and kissed her one last time before he left the house.

As soon as he settled in the car, he took out his phone to call Ms. Chiho and inform her about a friend coming along. He was not surprised at the excitement in the woman's voice at the mention of him claiming someone as a "friend" finally and not being able to wait and meet her.

Afterwards, he decided to call Meilin, knowing that she would want to get off the phone to get back to her sleep. It was four in the morning over there, so this was his best bet to get her off his case.

" _Wéi_ ," came her grouchy response after the fourth ring.

"She lives," he said sarcastically.

 _"Syaoran?"_ her voice perked up.

He sighed. "I'm doing good, you're doing good, Fanren, Fuutie, Shiefa, and Feimei are all doing well. Life is going great, and I'm sure everyone else's are as well. Goodbye."

 _"Wait!"_ she exclaimed.

"Oh, and I've talked to everyone recently, so I'm not trying to cut everyone completely out of my life," he added.

 _"Don't be an asshole,"_ she said quietly, but he heard her.

He sighed. "What else is there, Mei?" he asked, wanting to get this phone call over with so he could leave everyone and everything in Hong Kong out of his life.

 _"We heard about the event and the man offering the large donation to the hospital for the research,"_ she said.

"Thanks for the congratulations, then?" he said questioningly.

 _"That's something big in your career, so we were thinking about coming down to celebrate with you,"_ she said.

He froze, hand tightening around the wheel and his phone. "What?"

 _"That's what Fuutie was trying to tell you the other day before you ended the call,"_ she said _. "Besides, it's been years since we've seen you Syaoran, and we miss you..."_

"I'm at the hospital. Goodbye," and he ended the call immediately before she could even respond.

He took a deep, shaky breath, trying to get his rapid heart beating under control. He had not expected her to say _that_ , of all things. It was just supposed to be a quick call, so he could tell Sakura that he talked with his family and that was it.

And now, his cousin was telling him that they were trying to come down and celebrate with him.

He knew that it was his fault that he had not seen them for this long, but that did not mean that he wanted them to just barge in his life like they had been there the entire time.

He took a deep breath and then pressed the power button on his phone. He pressed the group chat that he had on mute and sent them a quick text, telling them that they did not need to worry about wasting their time.

Once the message was delivered, he closed the chat box out and opened his car door.

He walked inside the building, greeting anyone who said anything to him before he settled into his chair. And then, he continued that paper work he promised himself to finish.

* * *

"How was your trip to Daidouji's?" Syaoran asked as he drove.

He finished the paperwork in enough time and was able to make it back to the house to pick Sakura up. Now, they were headed to Ms. Chiho's place.

"I just ended up stopping at her shop," Sakura said softly.

Syaoran quickly glanced in her direction, seeing her stare out the window blankly, before turning his attention back on the road. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Nothing."

He placed the closest hand to her, on top of her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze over her denim skinnies. "Tell me."

She sighed. "I just feel really bad for canceling on those patients like that. Just so I can sit around and wallow in self-pity, while people are dealing with their own demons alone?" she said brokenly.

He gave her thigh another squeeze, making her look at him. "You're going to feel even worse if you allow yourself to break down in front of them. You're taking a break, and there's nothing wrong with that," he said reassuringly.

"But, how am I contributing—"

"We'll have our session today, and Ms. Chiho's kids just lost their father. She's been wanting to get a therapist, but they're refusing...like I was. You're... _amazing_ , so maybe you could make them change their mind about talking with someone," he said.

She grabbed his hand, making his heart flutter, and squeezed it. "Thank you, Syaoran."

"We're here," he said, pulling up to a medium-sized brick house.

She squeezed his hand tighter. "Are you sure this is fine? Is she fine with this?"

Syaoran gave her a small smile, and then brought her hand to his lips, kissing it. "You have nothing to be nervous about, okay? She's going to love you," he said.

She took a deep breath and then nodded her head. "Okay."

"Come on," he said, though he did not make a move to get up. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was 09:58. "Well, just a few more minutes won't hurt."

He released her hand and pulled her head towards his to kiss her lips. What started as a quick kiss, turned into a ten-minute make out session. Sakura had to be the one to put a stop to it because she could barely breath.

"God, if I didn't promise her that I'd do this, I would take you back to my place and have my way with you," he said, caressing her face gently.

A blush spread across her face and she let out a short laugh, pulling away. "We should head inside, shouldn't we? It's already past ten."

"You're right. Come on," he said, opening his door so he could step out.

He heard her door close and looked at her. "Don't look so uncomfortable," he said, smiling at the face she was making.

"I can't help it. It feels like I'm meeting your family for the first time or something," Sakura said nervously.

He walked to her side of the car and grabbed her hand, kissing it. "She is like family, but you have absolutely nothing to worry about," he said, reassuringly.

She took a deep breath, nodding her head. "Okay."

And they walked up the driveway to her door, hand in hand.

When he rang the doorbell, he heard little footsteps and laughter from inside the house.

He released her hand as soon as he heard the lock of the door unlock.

The door opened, revealing the middle-aged woman with a bright smile on her face. "Syaoran," she said warmly.

He gave her a slight smile before he hugged her gently. When he pulled back, he motioned to Sakura. "This is the friend I was telling you about. Sakura, this is my Ms. Chiho, and Ms. Chiho, this is Sakura," he introduced them.

Ms. Chiho rolled her eyes at him before turning to Sakura with a warm smile on her face. She grabbed Sakura's hand gently. "I'm glad to meet you," and she pulled Sakura over for a hug.

"O-oh, it's nice to meet you too," Sakura said nervously, hugging her back awkwardly.

She pulled back and smiled at Sakura. "Now, it's your choice, but you don't have to call me _Ms_. Chiho. Syaoran just likes to make me feel old, even though I asked him to stop," she said, giving Syaoran a pointed look.

Sakura smiled at her. "Yes ma'am. Chiho it is then," she said.

"Oh, look at that. Someone respects me around here. I love her already," she said, winking at him. "Come in, please. I didn't mean to have you all standing out in this cold weather."

Syaoran chuckled, and then placed his hand on the small of Sakura's back, gently pushing her inside.

"I hope that I'm not intruding or anything," Sakura said in a small, shy voice.

Chiho laughed, waving her hand nonchalantly. "Please, child. You're not intruding anywhere. You will never understand how delighted I was when Syaoran called this morning, informing me that he wanted me to meet someone. That's not something that Syaoran does, well, _ever_. So, I'm glad that you're here," she said softly.

Syaoran smiled when Sakura's cheeks colored. "Okay, that's enough. I hate when people talk about me, in front of me," he said, giving Chiho a pointed look.

"Right. I'm a little surprised that Kinomoto-san doesn't have any patients today."

"She didn't this morning, so that's why I thought it was the perfect opportunity for you to meet her," Syaoran said before Sakura could respond.

"I see. I'm glad you could make it then, sweetie. To be someone so influential in this town, you must have it rough finding free time like this."

Sakura laughed nervously, shaking her head. "It's not so bad, really," she said softly.

"That's good," Chiho said, smiling at her. "Well, the kids are in the living room watching tv. I had to force them to be on their best behavior before you guys arrived."

Sakura and Syaoran laughed, hearing the humor in her tone. She led them to the living room, talking about anything to avoid any awkward silences.

When they faced the living room door, sure enough, the five boys were sitting down on the couch, watching an animation on the screen.

A small smile tugged at Syaoran's lips when they all looked in their direction.

"Dr. Li?" the oldest, named Kiyoki called, looking at him with wide-eyes.

He had black hair and blue eyes. He was twelve-years-old, and the oldest twin. He was also the trouble maker.

Syaoran smiled at him. "Hey, guys," he said.

They all, but one, jumped up from the couch and ran to Syaoran, tackling him to the floor.

"We didn't know that you were coming!" Haru, the youngest boy exclaimed.

He also had black hair, but green eyes. He was only five, and the sweetest out of the bunch.

Syaoran ruffled his raven hair, making the little boy pout. "I know. It was supposed to be a surprise," he said.

"Why are you here so early?" Reo, the third oldest asked.

He had blonde hair, like his father, but blue eyes like his mother. He was ten, and the quiet one.

"Well, I missed you guys, and I wanted to see you, of course."

"You wanted to see _us_?" Kiyoki asked with a raised brow.

Syaoran looked at him for a moment before squinting his eyes. "Is that a problem?" he asked.

"It's just really weird that you could find time to even _want_ to see us."

"Kiyoki, best behavior," Chiho said sternly.

Kiyoki turned from Syaoran to Sakura. "And who is this?"

Sakura forced out a nervous laugh before she held her hand out to him. "I'm Kinomoto Sakura."

Kiyoki stared at her hand for a moment before taking it. "I'm Kiyoki," he said, shaking her hand.

"It's nice to meet you," she said with a smile.

"Hey! Can I shake the pretty lady's hand too?" Haru asked, already pushing his older brother to the side.

Sakura giggled, shaking his hand too.

"What about me?" Sora, the second youngest asked.

He had dirty blonde hair with green eyes. He was only seven, but acted older than his brothers, most of the time.

"No, me!"

And soon after, everyone in the room wanted to introduce themselves and shake the "pretty lady's" hand.

Syaoran noticed Sakura immediately warming up to the kids, with the exception of Kiyoki, faster than he had when he first met them as they asked her all kinds of questions about herself.

"So, what do you have planned for us today, Dr. Li? Mommy says that we will spend the day with you," Kiro, Kiyoki's twin, asked, looking at Syaoran suspiciously.

"No video games for sure. Your mother told me that you guys were grounded from them," he said, giving them a pointed look.

Chiho had left to "run errands" a few minutes ago. It was just an excuse to make the kids bond with Syaoran, though.

"Aww, fuck. You're no fun," Kiyoki said under his breath.

Syaoran's eyes widened, hearing the word loud and clear. "Hey, you should watch what comes out of your mouth. Especially around your little brothers," he chastised softly.

"Oooh, Kiyoki said a bad word. I'm going to tell mommy," Sora said, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Me too!" Haru copied his brother.

"I don't care," Kiyoki said and then sighed loudly. "Well, you can take them out. I don't want to go anywhere."

He started to walk out of the living room.

"Kiyoki-san," Sakura called, making him stop in his tracks. "I...uh...it would be really nice if you came to the arcades with us. It'll be really fun with you there."

The four other boys gasped, turning to Sakura. "The arcades?" they chorused.

"Yeah. That's what we planned, right Syaoran?" she asked, turning to him, with a look that asked if this was alright.

He nodded. "Right. You have to come with us, Kiyoki. Besides, your mom wouldn't want you staying here alone."

"We don't care if he comes," Kiro, his twin said.

The three younger brothers agreed with laughter.

"That's not very nice of you, all," Sakura said, placing her hand on her hips.

Syaoran smiled when they all gave soft apologies.

"So, what do you say, Kiyoki?" she asked.

He sighed, turning to everyone. "Only because the dweebs want me to," he murmured with a blush on his cheeks.

Syaoran raised a brow, wondering why the boy felt so flustered suddenly. "You also need to apologize to your brothers for your foul language," Syaoran said.

Kiyoki sighed in annoyance. "They use the bad words too," he said grouchily.

"How old are you, Kiyoki?" Sakura asked.

"Twelve."

"And how old are they?"

"Kiro is also twelve!" he exclaimed.

"I say we don't tell mommy about Kiyoki's dirty mouth if, and only if, he apologizes to everyone," Sakura concluded.

The other boys sniggered and nodded. "Agreed."

Syaoran chuckled, nodding his head. "I also agree."

Kiyoki glared at him and then turned his attention to his younger brothers. "I'm...sorry...for using such a bad...word," he said quietly.

"Hmm...I didn't hear him. Did anyone else not hear him too?" Reo asked mischievously.

"Nope, me neither," Sora said between his laughing.

"Me too!" Haru said.

"Screw you guys! I'm not saying it again!"

"I guess we're telling then," Kiro said, folding his arms with a triumphant smile on his face.

"You're supposed to have my back, considering you are my twin, betrayer," Kiyoki said, glaring at him.

Sakura and Syaoran laughed at them. "Alright, alright. You guys heard him because I did. Do we forgive him?" Sakura asked, giving the other four boys pointed looks.

They laughed sheepishly, nodding their heads. "We forgive you," they said simultaneously.

"Now that we have that out of the way, we should get ready to go," Syaoran said.

"Are you sure we can't just play video games here?" Kiyoki asked, looking at Syaoran pleadingly.

Syaoran began to feel a bit sympathetic for the boy. "Why are you guys grounded, anyway?" he asked.

"It wasn't even my fault this time," Kiyoki said, folding his arms.

Kiro looked at his brother suspiciously. "Whose fault was it then?"

"Yeah, whose fault?" Haru chimed in afterwards.

"The stupid idiot who trashed mom's room and broke Dad's favorite portrait."

"Oh, and you weren't in there either?"

"No! It was you idiots—"

"No, it was you!"

And they all began to argue back and forth about whose fault it was.

"Alright, alright. That's not what I was asking. I was going to say that we could play a few video games when we get back from the arcades," Syaoran said.

They all gasped. "Really?" they asked excitedly.

"Yes, as long as we don't say a single word to mom about it," he said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Yes! I knew you were cool deep down inside that old body of yours!" Kiyoki said, pumping his fist.

Syaoran narrowed his eyes at him. "Twit."

"So, we play at the arcades first and then home to the video games?" Sora asked.

"That's right."

"Yes!"

And they all began to discuss what game they would play.

Syaoran felt Sakura nudge his shoulder, making him look at her. "What?" he asked.

"And how are you going to let them play video games when Chiho said that she'll be back by the time we get back?" Sakura asked, raising a brow.

He smirked at her. "I'll handle that." He turned to the boys. "We should go so we can get back in enough time before mom does."

He heard Sakura giggle beside him. "You're such a bad influence," she said comically.

"Well, that, I am."

* * *

All the kids jumped out of the vehicle when they arrived. Syaoran had decided to drive Chiho's vehicle, as it was big enough to fit everyone.

Sakura and Syaoran were still sitting in the car, staring at the building.

"You really can think on your feet. I mean, I didn't even know what we would do after Ms. Chiho told me that they were grounded," Syaoran said.

Sakura smiled, turning to him. "You have to be able to if you decide to have kids one day," she said.

"Oh, no. I won't have to worry about that," he said nonchalantly.

"Oh, yeah."

He looked at her, seeing the discomfort in her face. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, we should go—where the kids are," he said.

"Right."

She opened the door and stepped out as he did the same. They walked over to the kids who were standing beside the vehicle talking.

"I'll pay for the expenses," Sakura said. "I am the one who suggested the arcades."

Syaoran's brows scrunched together at her statement. "What?" he asked disbelievingly.

"What?" she asked, staring at him curiously.

"You're kidding me. I got it," he said.

"No, I can do it. I'm the one who suggested this," she said, sounding offended that he would even say that.

"I got it, Sakura," he said sternly.

"Are you guys together?" Haru asked, tilting his head to the side confused.

"Of course, they aren't," Kiyoki said before they could respond.

"But they were fighting like mommy and daddy used to," Haru said.

Kiyoki's face hardened and he huffed. "Why are you guys so stupid? Let's just go so we can get back home," he said, already walking towards the building.

Syaoran saw Sakura frown as she grabbed Haru and Sora's hand. They followed after Kiyoki.

"I know that we're not supposed to use this kind of language, but Kiyoki can be an ass whenever dad's name is mentioned," Kiro said. "I mean, we're all sad too, but we don't act like that."

"He's not an ass. He's just mourning in his own way," Syaoran said. "And don't tell your mother that I used that word around you. Come on."

And they followed after the others.

When they got inside, Syaoran paid for them all to have a certain number of tokens before the kids ran off to play, leaving Sakura and Syaoran alone to sit at one of the tables to watch them.

"You aren't going to go play with them?" Sakura asked.

"How old do I look?" he asked, raising a brow at her.

She looked at him, humming softly. "You could get off as an eighteen-year-old high schooler," she said.

"What?" he asked incredulously, making her laugh. "So, now you're telling me that you're into high schoolers?"

She shook her head comically. "I never said that. I'm just saying that's the youngest you could play."

"So, you are into them. Looks like I'll have to keep an eye out for any high schoolers looking at you too," he said.

She giggled, shaking her head. "Stop it. In my mind, I'm attracted to a _man_ ," she said.

"Good," he said, letting his eyes stray to the direction of the kids playing. "On second thought, I guess I could go and show them how to play basketball." He was looking at Kiyoki and Kiro go against each other with the basketball, missing horribly.

Sakura giggled, and he winked at her, standing from the chair. "Watch the master," he said and walked over to the boys.

"You guys suck," he said, drawing the boy's attention to him.

Kiyoki turned to him with a glare on his face. "Like you're any better, old man," he said.

Kiro burst out laughing at the scowl on Syaoran's face. "I rarely agree with him, but I agree with him this time," he said.

"Step aside, losers," Syaoran said, pushing Kiyoki and Kiro to the side.

He picked up one of the balls and stood in the correct posture and threw the ball in the basket.

Kiro gasped, turning to Syaoran, who had a smirk on his face. "What was that again, noobies?" he asked arrogantly.

Kiyoki pushed him to the side, grabbing one of the balls. "You got lucky," he said stubbornly.

"He didn't even hit the backboard, though!" Kiro exclaimed.

"Shut your trap, Kiro," he said, glaring at his brother.

Syaoran chuckled, watching the boy's posture. "You're standing and holding the ball wrong," he said.

"I am not!" Kiyoki said stubbornly and threw the ball, missing.

Kiro shoved his brother to the side and looked at Syaoran. "How should it be done?" he asked. "I've been trying to beat some kids at school."

Syaoran smirked at Kiyoki's scowling face before standing beside Kiro. He picked up a ball. "Like this," and he got in position. "And hold the ball like this."

Kiro mimicked his movement and then threw the ball, missing it.

"You didn't throw it hard enough. Let me show you again," Syaoran said.

He repeated the movements again and then threw the ball, making another perfect shot.

Kiro tried again but missed because he threw it too hard this time.

Kiyoki snatched the next ball from Kiro and mimicked Syaoran's movements and hit a perfect shot. "You're just so stupid," he insulted his brother.

They heard someone clapping beside him. "That was a great shot, Kiyo-kun!" Sakura exclaimed.

Syaoran raised a brow, surprised to see her standing beside them. He looked at Kiyoki who did not respond, but had a blush on his cheeks.

 _Oh._

Syaoran realized Kiyoki's strange behavior around Sakura now as him having a crush on her. He noted that the kid was more annoying as he thought he was now.

"He learned from the best," Syaoran said arrogantly with his head raised high.

Kiyoki glared at him. "I did not," he said stubbornly.

"Yes, huh," Kiro said, smirking at his brothers blushing face.

"Hey! Can we play too?" the other three boys asked, running over to them.

Syaoran chuckled, motioning them to pick up a ball as well.

So, that was how they spent the rest of their time at the arcades with Syaoran teaching them how to play basketball. Even Sakura.

They spent approximately two hours at the arcades before they called it a day there and headed back home.

As soon as they got home, they were all running to the door to get to the video games.

Sakura chuckled beside Syaoran as they walked towards the house. "Chiho-san is going to be very upset with you," she said.

He shrugged, nudging her lightly. "She won't find out," he said and winked at her, making her blush.

He unlocked the door for them and they all ran inside to the game room.

Syaoran chuckled, following after them with Sakura close by.

"Are you sure this won't get them into more trouble?" she asked.

"Don't be such a worrywart," he said. "So, what game are we playing?"

"This one!" Sora held up a case.

"No, this one!"

"This one!"

"No!"

And then, it became an argument about what they would play until Sakura came up with the solution of voting on three of the games only.

After some negotiation, they finally settled for a game that they all wanted to play.

They only played for an hour and a half, which Syaoran had to convince them to.

Once they finished, they sat in the living room to watch tv and look like they had been on their best behaviors all day.

"None of you better not say a word to your mom about this," he said in a warning tone.

They all had grins on their faces as if a need had been satisfied after such a long time.

"We won't, we won't," Reo said, waving it off.

"And even if we do, you would never be able to watch us anymore," Sora said, grinning.

"And we like you because you're cool, so we wouldn't dare let that happen," Haru said.

Syaoran chuckled, and then looked to the twins who were quiet.

Kiro shrugged. "You know that I won't."

"Kiyoki?" Syaoran called.

Kiyoki looked at Syaoran and then scoffed. "Maybe."

"You guys won't be able to see me anymore, either," Sakura said.

They all gasped, except Kiyoki, turning to her. "Really?"

"Of course."

"I guess... I'll keep quiet about it," he murmured.

"Yes! And then, maybe they could come over again next week!" Sora said.

"How would you guys feel if you could see Sakura often?" Syaoran asked.

"Syaoran—"

"That would be awesome!"

"Yeah! Could we really?"

"Could we, Sakura?" Kiyoki asked, surprising everyone in the room.

He had not spoken a direct word to her since he introduced himself.

Sakura smiled at them. "Since you all are so insistent...I guess I could," she said shyly.

"Yes!" they said.

As soon as it came out, they all heard the door opening.

"Mommy!" Haru said, jumping from the couch and running to the front of the house.

Everyone else followed after him and greeted Chiho.

They all talked for a while longer before Syaoran informed them that they had to leave.

"It was nice to meet you, honey," Chiho said, kissing Sakura's cheek.

Sakura smiled at her. "You too."

"I'll give you a call as soon as possible. Don't forget to leave your schedule clean for us," she said, winking at her.

Sakura giggled, nodding her head. "Of course. You can call anytime, and I'll be sure to get back to you as soon as I can."

They said their goodbyes one last time before they left.

"You really didn't have to do that..." Sakura said quietly once they settled in the car.

"I know, but I wanted to do something that would make you happy, and their family. They've been going through a lot for the last year," Syaoran said, keeping his eyes on the road. "So, you have me for the next three hours because I have to go back in at seven. I need to stop by the hospital really quick though. Is that fine?"

"That's fine. We could do the session in your office," she said.

"Alright," he said quietly.

It had been a while since they had a one-on-one session, so he did not know how to feel about it.

He felt like he was getting a little better, but was he really?

It was getting hard to tell. He still wanted to have sex all the time, except just with her.

He could not help but wonder what the session would be about, what would she ask, and how would he feel during it this time.

He pushed the thoughts to the back of his head, deciding that he should just wait and see.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm so sorry for the late update, but there's been a lot going on in my life, so I hope that you all aren't too upset with me. I know I didn't respond to any reviews, but I did read them all. It was either respond to reviews or post the chapter while I can tonight, which is what I chose. I'll try to respond to as many as I can as soon possible. Thank you guys so much for all the support, though! I really do appreciate you all :). And I sure can't forget about my awesome beta, _theDeviantMe_ for editing when everything's been a mess in my life. She's a lifesaver! :D.**

 **Anyway, while being away, I do have the next chapter written. I just have to find the time to add and take away a few things before it gets edited. It shouldn't be long though, so bear with me :). I'm gonna head to bed, considering it is 5am in the morning.**

 **Ja ne!**


	22. Putting the Pieces Together

**"Putting the Pieces Together"**

* * *

"I called Meilin back," Syaoran said as soon as the door closed in his office, wasting no time. He had a good feeling that she might ask him about this, so he just decided to get it out of the way.

"Really?" she asked, her voice showing excitement. Something he did not like.

He pulled the string of the blinds, closing the outside world from them. He turned to her with a disapproving frown on his face. "They're trying to...come here and see me," he said, his tone so tight that each word sounded clipped.

"Is that not good?" Sakura asked softly.

He walked to his desk and sat in the chair away from Sakura. He knew how he could get during these sessions, so he just wanted to avoid anything that could make things worse for her. Plus, she was sitting in his office where he longed for her to be since she left it.

"I'm not ready—I mean, I don't want to see them," he said quietly.

"Them?"

"My sisters are planning to come too and it's just..." He stopped, clenching his fists around the arms of the chair tightly to inflict any kind of pain on himself to distract these feelings. "I don't want to see them."

"How is it making you feel?" she asked.

"Awful, Sakura. I'm dreading it and it hurts, knowing that seeing them again will be a reminder of _her_ ," he said.

"So, don't then," she said softly.

He looked at her, surprised to hear her go with the opposite of good.

"If you're not ready to see them, don't. Nothing ever turns out good when you truly don't want it. Talk to them, tell them you're just not ready to see them yet," she said, a smile forming on her face.

"Yet?"

"Yes, yet. One day, even if you're 80-years-old, you're going to realize how much you want to see them. When you talked about your sisters, you had this...tone in your voice. I don't know how to describe it, but it wasn't bad. It was good, as if you do love and miss them. Deep down inside, I think that you do want to see them but you're just not ready yet," she said.

Syaoran stared at her, wondering how she can be so perfectly correct in everything she said about him. He did want to see them—all of them. From his annoying cousin, Meilin, all the way down to his youngest sister, Shiefa.

"Okay," he agreed. "I'll...talk to them, but it's not like it'll work."

"Why?" she asked curiously.

"They don't know about... _her_...and...me...and..." He shook his head. "They don't know about any of it, so they just won't understand."

Sakura sighed softly. "So, explain it to them in a way that they can understand. Not with specific details of the events but just how you feel. Last night, I..." she paused, piquing his interest.

"What is it?" he asked, almost impatiently.

"I fell asleep with you again after I repeatedly expressed how much I couldn't do that anymore; after I woke up alone the other night."

Syaoran frowned and stood from his desk to walk over to her. "I'm so sorry, Sakura," he said, stooping down in front of her to grab her small hands between his own. "I really am."

She pulled her hands back from him and caressed his disheveled hair. "I know, and it's not your fault. I didn't tell you about my problems, so I don't have the right to treat you that way," she said, sliding her hands down to his face.

He closed his eyes, unconsciously leaning into her loving touch that set everything in his body on fire. "I'm still sorry," he said softly.

"I know, but, I slept with you again last night," she repeated.

He opened his eyes, looking at her curiously. "You're right, you did. Why?" he asked.

"Because I realized how much I missed it—getting a good night's rest. It feels nice to sleep next to you," she said softly.

His cheeks warmed, hearing the sincerity in her tone.

"My point is, you also just don't know how it will feel to know or do something until you just do it. What are the odds of seeing them being disastrous?"

He thought about it for a moment. "I just don't want to," he said quietly.

"I know, I'm just saying that you should think about it."

"Okay. I'll think about it, but it won't change my mind about how I feel about this," he said, despite his mind already imagining his reuniting with them.

"Fair enough," she said.

He sighed, standing from the stooping position so he could sit by her on the comfortable couch. "You sound better today," he said.

She giggled softly. "This is _my_ session, Syaoran. Don't try to lead and take my role."

He chuckled along with her laugh. "You know how I feel about this control thing. I need to feel like everything is in my favor," he said, playing along.

"Well, stop it. This is about you today, not me and my mental issues," she said, giving him a pointed look.

"What if I like to hear about your mental issues, too?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Too bad, then. That's my job," she said, sticking her tongue out at him.

They laughed, causing a light atmosphere to suffuse the room.

He missed this, a lot. It felt like it had been ages since they talked like this, even though they actually had just two days ago.

"I say we both listen to each other's mental issues," he said after they composed themselves.

"I say you stick to physically fixing people while I stick to mentally fixing people," she retorted.

Syaoran smiled, coming to the realization that she was back to her normal, witty self. Perhaps doing her job really does make her feel herself, he concluded.

"I don't want to fix other people mentally, just you," he said, winking at her.

A blush crept to her cheeks and she rolled her eyes playfully. "I don't need to be fixed, _doctor_ ," she drawled.

His eyes lit up, hearing her call him that. And, so did his body.

"I think you do," he said in a husky tone.

Her breath hitched after hearing the tone. "A-anyway, how have you been lately?" she asked, abruptly changing the subject.

He chuckled, seeing the panicked but excited look in her eyes. "Great, actually. Did I tell you about this beautiful woman I've grown an interest in?" he asked.

Her face dropped, turning a deathly pale color. "No, you didn't," she said.

"Well, I met her a few months ago, and she's perfect. She's smart, funny, intelligent, and drop dead gorgeous. I swear the list could go on, but I think I like her," he said.

"Oh."

Syaoran looked at her face and had to hold himself back from laughing at the angry red color on her face now.

"There's one downfall, though," he said. "She's my therapist, so it's hard to decide if I just feel this way about her because she makes me feel good and listens to me, or if I really do like her."

She faltered as she realized who he was referring to. "Seriously," she said, giving him a disapproving look.

He chuckled, grabbing her hand. "It's hard to tell, really. You listen to... _everything_. I talk about... _everything_ with you, Sakura. That alone makes me feel good," he said, feeling bashful suddenly.

"That's not true," she said softly. "I talk, and you listen too. We both give and take in this."

He looked at her and smiled. "That's true. That's why I said I want to listen to you too, so I know that I'm not just using you to make me feel good."

She squeezed his hand gently. "The fact that you want that proves that you're not," she said.

"So, tell me. Tell me why you don't want to sleep with someone, why you had not slept with anyone besides one person. Tell me something that you struggle with," he said.

"You want to know about my past?" she asked.

"Of course, I do. I want to know everything about you," he said.

"Eiichi included? Because he is my past," she said in a soft, quiet voice.

He felt jealousy course through his blood, but he decided to put a pause on it. "Even... _him_ ," he said tightly, not even able to say his name.

"Fine," she said.

He looked at her. "Really?" he asked.

"If you tell me more about the woman who gave birth to you," she negotiated.

He glared at her, pulling his hand from hers. "No," he said quickly.

"There's my answer then," she said in a finalizing tone.

"That's not fair, though. I've told you a ton of shit about that bitch already," he argued.

"I'm not changing my answer," she said, her tone sounding serious.

She was trying to manipulate more answers out of him about his past when he felt that he told her enough.

He could not help but wonder if she was purposely trying to take advantage of his feelings and interest in her, for her own benefit.

For the first time in a long time, he realized how she was trying to manipulate him.

He looked at her face, seeing a smile on her face.

"I'm being manipulative, I know, but, how else are you going to get better if you can't talk about your past?" she asked.

So, he thought about it, thought about it some more, and thought again before he realized how right she was.

"Okay," he said softly.

"I'll go first," she said.

His fists clenched, wanting to hit something to make him feel better. But there was also a small portion that made him feel the slightest bit happy that she would let him understand her.

"If I tell you something big, your answer has to match mine," she said.

His lips formed into a thin line as he stiffly nodded, fearing her answer now.

"I was strangled in my sleep," she said as if it were no big deal.

He stared at her, looking to see if this had any kind of effect on her. There was nothing in her eyes that gave anything away, though.

She smiled at him softly. "And when I woke up, it was to nothing. I was alone..." She looked him in the eyes with a sad smile on her face. "That's why I..." she trailed off. She sighed, and then continued, "That's why waking up alone freaks me out and makes me feel like everyone's going to leave me alone to die."

His fist clenched, itching to punch the person who did this to her. "Who was it, Sakura?" he asked tightly.

She sighed, shaking her head. "It doesn't matter who it was," she said softly. "It's all just a misunderstandin—"

"Was it that bastard?" he asked.

She frowned, leaning back on the couch to relax. "Eiichi is not a bastard," she said.

"It was that son of a bitch!" he bellowed, standing up.

She grabbed his arm, yanking him back down. "Keep your voice down," she hissed.

"What—"

"It's not like that, okay? He's... It's not like that, so just leave it alone," she said softly.

He huffed, snatching his arm from her grasps angrily. He could admit that he had hurt her on numerous occasions, but he never did anything to physically harm her, and he never would.

"It's...your turn now," she said hesitantly.

He froze, remembering their deal. He had not even thought about what he would tell her. She had told him something traumatizing, which meant that he would have to, too.

"I..." he paused, unclenching his fists when he felt the palms of his hands going sweaty.

He was quiet for a minute before he looked at her, knowing exactly what he could tell her.

"Every year on my birthday, she would...do something to hurt me," he said quietly.

Her eyes widened, mouth opening slightly.

"It was something different every year."

He could feel his body getting heated with anger at the vivid memories. "Every year, for fifteen years until I realized that she really didn't love me," he said, voice wavering a bit.

His eyes fell to her neck, seeing a very light, faint scar. He began to unbutton his dark blue button-down shirt slowly.

Once he reached the last button, he stopped, realizing his hands are trembling.

He was a little surprised that Sakura had not said or done anything to stop him, so he unbuttoned the last one.

He took a deep, shaky breath before shaking his shoulders to get the expensive material to fall, showing off his bare chest.

He stood from the couch and turned over, revealing a dark red scar that reached from the middle of his waist to his hip on the right side.

Sakura gasped, covering her mouth as she stared at the ugly bruise.

"It was my fifteenth birthday. As usual, she would shower me in her love before...snapping out of it," he said, sitting back down beside her, but avoiding all eye contact. He would not be able to take the sight of disgust on her face. Disgust of _him_.

"It was a great day when I think about it. She took me out and we had a good time like we always did on my birthday," he said, consciously living the moment again in his head.

"It came out of nowhere. We were in the kitchen after coming inside from swimming and..." He stopped, feeling the pain all over again from the steaming pan his mother had surprised him with.

He felt a soft hand grab his arm, distracting him from the reminder of the pain.

"I _hate_ her, Sakura," he said passionately, meaning every word he spoke. "I really do."

"I know," she said softly.

"For fifteen years, I believed that she loved me because of one fucking day out of the year. The day she would act like she did love me for a few hours before punishing me for doing it. I fucking _hate_ her," he said, clenching his fists.

"Syao—"

"I hate her because she makes me love this pain. She makes me want to _feel_ pain. How fucked up is that?" he asked with a humorless laugh.

"Really?" Sakura asked, sounding as if she had known everything all along.

 _Of course, she does._

He let out a sigh. "Yes. A few weeks ago, I told you that physical pain feels better than any other pain...and I meant that. When she physically harmed me, it gave me some hope that she did love me; that she wanted to have something to do with me. It felt so good... _so_ damn good, and it still does. The pain gives me that hope of finally having her love..." he trailed off, realization finally dawning on him.

"Shit, I'm damaged goods, aren't I?" he asked, looking at her with a troubled look on his face.

She smiled at him sadly and slid her hand up his muscular arms to his shoulders, making him shiver. "Damaged goods that can be fixed," she said softly.

He grabbed her face gently, so she could look directly in his eyes. "Fix me then," he almost begged before he pulled her face to his to kiss her lips gently.

He dropped his hands to her hips immediately and lifted her with ease to place her on his lap as their tongues rubbed against each other's. Their hands began to caress and touch any part of each other's body that they could before Sakura pulled her lips back from the passionate kiss to catch her breath.

She began to kiss down to his neck, making a smile form on Syaoran's lips when he felt them kiss the purple bruise she had given him yesterday. He could not help the excitement that coursed through his body at the reminder of her soft lips sucking on him so hard with the intent to claim him. If he were being honest, at this point, he was sure that she could convince him to do anything for her.

He moaned when her tongue lightly brushed against his neck. He felt her lips curve against his neck before she nipped at his neck hard, making his hips jerk up against her for friction. She licked against the skin, and let her tongue drag further down his body.

He tried to take even breaths the more she placed kisses and licks over his chest, but it was hard to when this felt so great. _She_ felt great against him.

When her hands dropped to his pants, he looked down at her, surprised that his eyes were even closed. A loud groan slipped past his mouth when her tongue flicked against his nipple, making him blush. "Sakura," he moaned, gyrating his hips against hers as she raked her nails against one of his nipples, while her mouth sucked on the other.

He was always a sensitive man, but never had he ever gotten pleasure from this.

She kissed further down his body until her lips hovered over the scar. "I'm so sorry, Syaoran..." she said brokenly.

His eyes softened, looking at her. "Sakura," he called softly, attempting to pull her up by the shoulders, but she swatted his hand away with a smile.

"No," she said, kissing down the mark on his side slowly, as she moved down to the floor between his parted legs. "I want to do this."

"You don't have to," he said, breath catching in his throat when her fingers began to unbutton his pants.

"I want to make you feel good," she said, attempting to pull his pants down. "No one will walk in, right chief?"

His eyes scanned the room frantically, looking for something— _anything_ to help keep him from exploding in her face so soon after hearing her call him that. "N-no, the door automatically...locks," he said, voice sounding confused. He lifted his hips, helping her pull them down.

"Perfect," she said, rubbing him over his boxers, making his hips rise from the couch to match each down stroke she did.

"Sakura," he moaned, resting his hand on her cheeks to caress her.

She pulled his boxers down and stroked him a little more while looking up at him. "Can I taste you?" she asked coyly, running her thumb against the slit of his head.

"Sakura!" he called, hips jerking off the couch towards her.

"Is that a yes?" she asked teasingly.

He groaned loudly. "Please!" he pleaded when she breathed against the head.

He had never begged anyone for a release before, but Sakura was torturing him. He had no choice, he reasoned when the small voice in the back of his head told him that he is weak.

She put him out of his misery by taking a hold of him and licking up the vein on the underside. He moaned, sliding his hands in her soft, auburn hair. When she reached the head again, she licked the slit, tasting the precum, causing him to grip her soft locks tightly and jerk towards her face uncontrollably.

She looked up through her lashes at him. "Syaoran," she called.

"Please," he whimpered desperately, making her giggle.

Eyes still locked with his, she took the head of him into her mouth, sucking tightly.

"Fuck, Sakura!" he hissed, loosening his grip on her hair.

She took more of him into her mouth while letting her tongue lap on the underside of him with each bob of her head. With each time she slid her mouth down, she took more of him into her mouth while sucking tightly, making him moan loudly with each caress of her tongue. Whenever her mouth rose from his hips with each up and down movement, her hand tightened around him.

His grip tightened in her hair again when her teeth grazed against him lightly, nearly sending him over the edge. The way she moaned around him was too much; looked him in the eyes through her lashes, while using her mouth to pleasure him like this was too much. It was _all_ too much.

He struggled to keep his eyes opened, wanting to watch every move she made, hear every sound she released around him. He wanted to see, hear, and feel all of it. It was starting to get hard to breath as his body shook with the need to release his load into her mouth. He was never vocal during any kind of sexual activity, but this felt better than any other time he had someone else doing this to him.

When her hand moved down and grabbed his balls, rubbing them gently, his grip tightened in her hair, guiding her head to move up and down faster, but not forcefully. He wanted her to continue how she wanted to, but it was so hard to let her lead when her mouth felt so good.

The familiar tingling sensation settled in his balls, notifying him that he would come. "Fuck, Sakura, I'm going to come," he moaned loudly, using all his will to hold himself back from thrusting up into her mouth at an uncontrollable pace.

She swallowed around him, rubbing and sucking him harder and faster. "Sakura!" he nearly yelled through heavy breaths. "I can't...hold out much more. Let me be inside of you," he begged, letting his hips thrust towards her face with each down movement of her head.

She stopped, releasing him with a popping sound. She wiped the side of her mouth as the line of saliva disconnected from her mouth and him.

"Fuck, that's so hot," he said, pulling her up onto his lap again so he could kiss her hard.

He began to unbuckle her pants in a swift motion and yanked them down roughly. He pulled her shirt over her head, only breaking their lips apart briefly to get the article of clothing off.

"I want you against my desk," he said into her mouth as he lifted them both up, making her wrap her legs around him tightly.

He walked them over to his desk and placed her behind on the cold desk after pushing some of the papers to the side. He chuckled when she let out a shuddering sound as he pulled the rest of her pants down, throwing them on the chair carelessly. He stared at the damp area on her panties and smirked. "You're so wet," he said, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra. "Why are you so wet?"

Her breath caught in her throat when one of his hands moved down to rub between her legs over her panties while the other massaged her left breast. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss her lips as his fingers continued to glide up and down between her lips, dampening her panties more.

He moaned in her mouth and began to pull her panties down quickly, ripping a few of the seams because she was still sitting. He moved his mouth to her breast after grazing his teeth against her collarbone, and suck on her nipple hungrily. He grabbed her bare behind, pulling her to the edge of the desk so he could rub his dick between her wet lips teasingly. "You never answered my question," he said, dropping to the floor on his knees in front of her spread legs to lick her.

Her fingers threaded in his hair as his tongue lapped at her wet core, making her moan so loud that he was sure that someone might hear if they walked past his office. He could not care, though.

After sucking on the bundle of nerves a bit, he sat up, not able to take it anymore. He pulled her off his desk and turned her around to face his desk. He pushed the papers and keyboard off the desk, so he could place her hands flat on the desk as he rubbed himself against her backside. He kissed her shoulder, licking at the skin teasingly as his hand grabbed her hips tightly. "Answer the question, Sakura," he demanded tightly in her ear, licking up the edge of it.

She moaned, throwing her head back against his shoulder. "You feel so good," she said, pushing back against him.

He groaned, pushing her upper body down to lay on the desk so she could bend over for him. He positioned himself over her and leaned down to kiss the side of her neck, letting his lips slide up her neck slowly until he reached her ear. "You look so beautiful in this position," he said, resting his hands on her ass cheeks, squeezing them.

"Take me then," she said in a breathy moan.

He pushed himself inside her fully, moaning at the sensation of her walls engulfing him. She felt even tighter in this position.

His hands slid down to her hips and he began to thrust in and out of her slowly. He moved his hands further over, so he could trap his hands between her hips and the desk to avoid the edge of the desk digging in her skin. His hips began to meet her behind quicker and quicker with each thrust as he went deeper.

Her moans were only encouraging him to slam harder into her each time he did as they both moaned louder.

"Sakura," he groaned.

"Oh, Syaoran!" she moaned loudly, pushing back against him with each thrust.

He leaned down, kissing her ear as one of his hands slid up to her breast, grasping it. "Call me Dr. Li," he demanded huskily in her ear, slowing down his pace.

She moaned, sitting up slightly to hold on to the edge of his desk. "D-Dr. Li," she whimpered in a quiet voice.

He groaned into her shoulder, picking up the pace again, bringing their bodies to new heights of pleasure.

"Louder," he said, pounding into her harder.

"Dr. Li!" she exclaimed as his pace quickened.

He groaned loudly into her ear. "I'm going to come," he said in a strained tone, letting his hand slide down to her wet core as he pushed in and out of her harder.

He rubbed her clit quickly as he nibbled on her ear to increase her pleasure. He wanted her to come with him.

She trembled against his desk, hips grinding into the edge of the desk as she screamed his name. He noticed this but could not help but keep pounding into her to get her there.

"Dr.—Syaoran!" she screamed, tightening around him.

Syaoran grunted, picking up his speed as his hands held her hips tightly so he could ride himself into oblivion with her.

"Come for me," she said in a breathy tone, sending him over the edge.

His eyes closed, seeing stars in the back of them as his balls had that familiar tingling sensation again. "Sakura," he groaned after a few more strokes, spilling himself inside of her.

He slumped against her with all his weight, making her squirm underneath him. "That was..." he trailed off, at a loss for words.

It just seemed to get better each time they did this.

"Amazing," Sakura finished for him. "I'd like to live, though."

He noticed all his weight on her, so he stood up, pulling her with him. He kissed the side of her neck before sucking on it tightly.

She moaned in protest weakly. "I still have to walk out of this place," she complained half-heartedly.

He kissed the mark on her neck in plain sight before pulling back. "I love seeing you marked by me," he whispered against her neck. "That's the last one. For now."

He pulled out of her carefully, watching their mixed cum drip down her thigh. He groaned, kissing her sweaty back one last time. He moved back so she could stand up straight.

She hissed when she tried, alerting him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice laced with concern immediately.

She was quiet for a moment. "Uh..." she hesitated. "It's nothing."

He grabbed her shoulders, turning her to him. "Are you sure—?"

"Positive," she said quickly. "We should go, right?" She looked at the clock.

"You're right. I have to be back here not too long from now."

He leaned down, kissing her lips gently. "Thank you..." he whispered against them.

She giggled, pulling back from him. "You know that you don't have to thank me every time we do this like I'm doing you a favor," she said.

He wrapped his arms around her small waist, pulling her close to him. She gasped, feeling his erection poke her stomach. "Okay." And he kissed her one last time before moving away from her.

He walked over to the couch and put his clothes back on, feeling fully satisfied. When he heard Sakura hiss again as she pulled up her panties, he looked in her direction, eyes automatically falling on her hips.

Shame and guilt immediately washed over him, seeing the angry red scratches on either side of her hips.

"Shit." He walked over to her after slipping his shirt back on. "I'm so sorry, Sakura."

He dropped to his knees in front of her to observe the bruises. "I can go to the third floor and get somethi—"

"Syaoran, I'm fine," she said, smiling to reassure him.

He frowned. "You're not, Sakura. Just let me," he said, already standing from the floor and walking towards the door.

Sakura was quick to grab him before he could turn the knob. "No. I said that I'm fine," she said tightly, almost warning him not to do this.

He looked at her brokenly, turning to her with a guilt written expression. "I hurt you, Sakura. If you don't let me do something about it, I won't be able to forgive myself," he said brokenly.

She let out a soft sigh, nodding her head. "Okay," she said.

"Sit here, I'll be right back," he said.

She nodded, and he opened the door, leaving her in the room to wait for him.

* * *

Sakura pulled back from his lips, giggling as he tried to pull her back in.

They had been tangled in his sheets having sex since they walked through his apartment doors after leaving the hospital. She was exhausted, but still had not had enough of him yet.

"You're going to be late if you don't get up," she said as he showered her body with more kisses.

He chuckled, nuzzling her neck. "I don't care," he said in a low, dark tone.

Her fingers raked through his wet, matted hair. They were covered in sweat, yet they still could not call an end to it.

"You do," she said, wrapping one leg around him.

He groaned, kissing her neck again. "I know. I just wish I could stay here with you all day," he said in a pouting tone.

She giggled, holding him close to her. "I do too, but you have lives to save."

He let out a content sigh, nodding his head. "Now, that I do," he said, sitting up on the bed.

Sakura sat up with him weakly, all the muscles in her body feeling like jelly. They had been having sex for the past two hours non-stop, so she was exhausted.

"I'm going to take a quick shower and leave. Want to join me?" he asked, wagging his brows at her suggestively.

She laughed, pushing him up from the bed weakly. "Go shower or you're not going to make it in time," she said playfully.

He chuckled, kissing her one last time before he disappeared into the bathroom.

She was finally left alone, giving her time to think.

She felt much better today than she had for these past few days. That was all she needed —to do what she loved the most to feel herself again.

Even though she still felt bummed about not being able to save one of her patients, she still had others that she could save before it would be too late.

She took Syaoran's advice, accepting that she could not save everyone, but she could hold on to the people that she could. Thinking that way made her feel ten times better than anything else.

Now, she had more patients to save, including the man currently occupying the shower right now.

She was glad to find out more about him, even if she had manipulated some answers out of him. How could she care, though? She wanted to know more about him; how he became the man he is.

For some reason, it was beginning to feel like she wanted to know more about him for herself, rather than for his health as a psychologist. She felt bad about it, but whenever she would find out more about him, the feeling was just too great to stop feeling that way about wanting to know for herself.

"You doing math in your head, kiddo?" a voice said, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She looked in his direction, and smiled, seeing him only covered with a white towel around his waist. Her head tilted slightly so she could have another look at the mark on the side of his waist. She still could not understand how she missed that bruise mark when she had seen him naked multiple times. But then, she remembered that it was always dark in the room when they were together.

"Math was my least favorite subject, so why would I do that?" she asked, smiling at him.

"Exactly why I asked. Your face looked lost," he said, chuckling at her.

She laughed, shaking her head.

"Did I tell you?" he asked, walking over to his dresser.

"What?" she asked, watching him grab out clothes.

"I think we may have been a little too loud," he said in a teasing tone.

Her brows scrunched together in confusion. "When?" she asked.

"At the hospital, I had more than a few comments from several doctors I walked past when I went to get that ointment for your hip.

Her eyes widened, almost missing the guilt evident in his face at the mention of her hip.

"I told you, it wasn't a big deal..." she said, watching him dress slowly now.

Despite her saying that, she could feel her cheeks flaming hot at the reminder of their scene at the hospital. "Really?" she asked in a small, shy voice.

He burst out laughing as he buttoned his shirt up. "Did you seriously expect no one to hear?" he asked.

She covered her face with her hands. "This is so embarrassing..." she said behind her hands.

"No one knows it was you, so calm down," he said nonchalantly.

Her eyes widened, and she jumped from the bed. "Did you see Aki?" she asked.

She remembered him talking about the rumors going around the hospital about Syaoran not sleeping around anymore.

"Is that who you're worried about?" he asked, his tone showing disapproval.

"Of course! He can't find out about this," she said in a determined tone.

Syaoran stopped dressing and turned to her with an expression that she read as anger. "Why? He doesn't matter. In fact, I want him, of all people to know about it," he said.

"Syaoran, stop, you're not going to do that," she said in a warning tone. "You're not going to, right?"

He sighed exasperatedly. "Calm down. I hate when you look like that," he said, turning away from her so he could continue to get dressed.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Scared, frightened that I would ever do something to intentionally hurt you. I'm not like that anymore," he said the last part softly.

Her heart fluttered, hearing the sincerity in his tone. "So, you won't?" she asked hesitantly, staring at the angry red scratch marks on his back from her nails.

Her cheeks warmed at the reminder of how deep and hard he had taken her.

"As much as I want to throw it in that bastard's face, I won't," he said.

She released a relieved sigh, not even aware that she had been holding her breath. "Good. He can't find out," she said without thinking.

Syaoran turned to her with his brows scrunched together in confusion. "Why?" he asked curiously.

"Uh..." she stuttered, suddenly remembering that he did not know about Akinari knowing about their sessions.

 _Would he become angry or upset?_

"I just don't want my best friend knowing about my sex life," she decided on with a shrug.

He frowned. "Okay," he said.

And she was happy that he left it alone.

"So, you're going to be here when I get off?" he asked, fixing his tie.

"What time do you get—"

"Crap, never mind. I may not come back until later tomorrow evening," he said.

It was her turn to frown now. "What?"

"I'm not trying to get into the routine of working late night shifts, so, I—"

"Do you have to?" she asked quietly.

"I don't have to, but I can't just take off all these hours and not make up for them—"

"Then, don't. You'll overdo it," she said, ignoring everything else he said after hearing he did not have to. "You don't want to do that."

He walked over to her, sitting on the bed beside her.

She covered her naked body from his wandering eyes bashfully, even though they had been naked for hours now.

"I'll think about it," he said, leaning over to kiss her lips briefly before he stood up.

She smiled, already knowing what that answer meant. He would come home early.

"I'll see you later, okay?" he said.

She nodded with a grin on her face. "I'll miss you," she said.

"I'll call as much as I can," he said, kissing her forehead before he left the room, leaving her alone.

Perhaps she was getting a little bit too spoiled, she noted.

* * *

"Are you sure that you're not making this up?"

Syaoran sighed, only a little annoyed with his friend, or employer.

"I swear that I'm not. It's no one at the hospital," he said, signing more paperwork that was due soon. He wanted to get ahead.

"Who is it then? The whole hospital's talking about it," Dr. Haruka said.

"Discussing my sex life, as usual, huh," he said, not the least bit fazed by it. It was always like this. Except, this time, it was not with anyone at the hospital.

"Dude, who is it? Is it a girlfriend? A fling? A patient! Oh Li, I never expected that from you—"

"It's not a patient, man. Look, can I work?" He asked, still working.

In all honesty, Syaoran was getting a little entertainment out of this. Most of the time, everyone knew who his partners were because they would all comment and rate the women he slept with to determine if he was just plain old out desperate. But, now, no one knew besides him and Sakura. And sure enough, he did not want anyone else looking at Sakura and trying to rate her appearance and how good she looked in bed.

It was only for his eyes to see, he reasoned stubbornly.

"So, it's a girlfriend?" he asked.

"No, Haraka—are you done? You're not going to find out who she is."

"Man, I would love to at least know since I can't even meet her. I heard that she sounds hella hot—"

Syaoran slammed his fist on the desk angrily to shut him. "Even if you do know who she is, you're not even going to _look_ in her direction," he threatened in a dangerous tone.

"Damn, Li. Calm down, okay? I love my wife and kids, so you don't have anything to worry about," Dr. Haruka said, chuckling.

"Good," he said shortly.

"So, you're serious about this one?" he asked.

Syaoran stopped scribbling and turned to him, ready to scold the man, but stopped when he realized he could not come up with anything.

 _Am I?_

"I'm interested in her," he said.

"Okay...you're interested in every girl you sleep with, obviously," he said.

Syaoran grimaced at his response, hating that Sakura could be put in the category as every other woman he had slept with. "No, it's different this time," he said.

"So, you're serious about her?" Dr. Haruka said in a teasing tone.

"Okay, it's time for you to leave now," Syaoran said, pointing to the door seriously.

Dr. Haruka laughed, standing up from the couch.

Syaoran stared at it a bit longer after Dr. Haruka left, remembering a certain event that had taken place there earlier. Sakura had given him the most pleasurable act anyone could ever ask for.

He groaned, feeling his body grow unbearably sensitive, despite them having sex non-stop, three hours ago for two hours.

He looked away from the couch, not wanting to give in to the urge of getting himself off. He already had to one time today when he walked through his office doors, seeing his desk; the same one that he had taken her from behind on. And he did not have the time for a repeat, especially if he wanted to get home tonight.

Everything was great. He was happy, Sakura was happy, so there was nothing that he had to stress about. Well, there is one thing that does bother him; more like a who, and that was Akinari.

He could not place his finger on what he does not like about the man. Was it his existence? His occupation? His demeanor? Or, was it just his name since Sakura use it to much around him?

His fingers gripped the pen, thinking about her not wanting him to find out about them. He just wanted to understand why she did not want him, of all people, to know. It was not like the man knew about his and Sakura's session, so what else could there be, he wondered.

Syaoran sighed, opening the file cabinet beside his desk. He needed to find out more about this man since Sakura was so adamant on keeping him around.

He let out another exasperated sigh at the thought of that. He would just have to learn more. And it would all start with finding out his name, since he remembered Sakura talking about Akinari hating it.

He looked through the files in alphabetical order by last name.

After he found the folder, he pulled it out, opening it immediately.

 _What is he trying to hide...?_

His eyes scanned through the first page before they landed on the top where his name is.

A smirk crept to Syaoran's lips as his eyes kept reading over the name repeatedly.

Maybe he could use this to his advantage...

* * *

 **So sorry for the late update, guys! Next week is finals, and I'll be done with school for the summer, so the updates will be more frequently! As usual, thanks to my beta, theDeviantme, for editing, and thank you guys for the support! I think I responded to all of the reviews :). Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter, considering a lot of secrets were revealed here xD.**

 **Uhh...I think I need to address one review that was a guest just to inform everyone of the things that you may be assuming about the story. My intent here is not to romanticize any kind of mental illnesses or a toxic relationship. It's safe to say that Syaoran does have feelings for Sakura and it's not because of his addiction. He does depend on her with some things, but it is only natural for a person who has been through what he's been through, to cling to the person who shows him any kind of love. In a relationship(though they're not officially in a relationship), it's only natural for a person to feel like they can depend on their partner with some things. This could go for friendships or any type of relationship too, hence, why people say, "If I need anything, I could depend on you." Syaoran was disrespectful in the beginning of this story because of the way he viewed every thing and one. He knows his wrongdoings now and he's trying to change for the better because he wants to. Changing isn't something easy, but I feel like if you really want to change(which he does, since he came to a psychologist), then you try your best to become a better person. Same with men who start as playboys, and realize the error of their ways when they find that one person, and they decide to commit to them.** **Emotional manipulation is involved in this story because that's just psychology...**

 **Psychologists manipulate people to open up and tell them about their problems(Reverse Psychology is a thing too that is very manipulative). Syaoran is an aggressive guy, or was in the beginning, but never to the point that he would hurt anyone physically. He hated Sakura in the beginning, so of course he expressed his hatred for her. He's a toxic person who is trying to get help to become a better person, so there is nothing wrong with this. But, this kind of story is touching on very heavy topics, so I don't expect everyone to take a liking to it and have the same view about things the way I do. I just don't want any of you to think that I'm promoting these type of behaviors(in the beginning of the story) and problems as something positive, when it's not. (Also, thanks to the reviewers who defended me lol).**

 **Anyway, the next chapter should be out soon, so you guys won't have to wait this long again!**

 **Ja ne!**


	23. A Surprise Visit

**"A Surprise Visit"**

* * *

Sakura stretched on the bed before snuggling into the soft blankets in Syaoran's bed. She had been laying there for the past hour, thinking about all the events that had taken place today, and everything that she discovered about the man who was slowly having a tremendous impact on her life.

He had left her over six hours ago, and she was starting to miss him, despite the short phone call they had two hours ago. It was past midnight now, and she still had not heard from him like he said she would.

She was not upset or angry with him, but a little disappointed that he had not called.

 _Guess that comes with being interested in a man with his kind of job._

She was still going to wait up for him until he decided to come home. He had said that he would think about getting off early for her, but she was beginning to doubt that he still would since it was already past midnight and she still had not heard anything from him.

She sighed, sitting up from the bed. She needed to get out of bed and walk around instead of moping about him not being here with her.

She knew exactly why she felt so anxious to receive that phone call, or for him to walk through those doors. Whenever he does not talk to her, she could not help but feel like he was not working, but instead sleeping with someone else at the hospital.

She wanted to trust him **;** like, fully trust him, but thinking about his past and the type of person he was, it was hard sometimes.

He was known for sleeping around with multiple people at once, and that thought never settled well in her mind or heart.

Whenever she looked at a female walking by, she often wondered if he had slept with her, or did anything.

 _It was his past…_

She knew that it was wrong to judge someone based off their past, but because of his condition and everything he had been through, it was always a question lingering in the back of her mind if he would do it again.

A loud chime and buzzing sound interrupted her thoughts, making her look over to the desk to see her phone shining in the dark room.

She reached over, grabbing it off the desk to look at it. A smile formed across her lips at reading the text message.

 **'I miss you. I'll be home shortly.'**

Her heart almost melted in her chest at the warm fuzzy feeling the text caused her to have.

And here she was, thinking that he was probably sleeping with someone else right now. She could not help but wonder if that made her a terrible person.

She put the phone back down on the desk, and then climbed out of the bed. She stretched all her muscles, still enjoying the achy feeling that she had from their earlier activities.

Her cheeks warmed, mind wondering if the man was turning her into some kind of nymphomaniac.

She picked up her phone again, turning the switch on. Just as she went to the messages, her phone began to ring, surprising her.

Her brows scrunched at the caller id that came up on her phone. She swiped it across, answering it.

"What are you doing awake this late at night, mister?" she asked into the phone.

 _"I couldn't sleep, and I figured you were awake since you always are at this time,"_ the person on the phone said.

"I'm not sure if I should take offense at that, Aki," Sakura said with a small smile on her face.

He chuckled into the phone before she heard ruffling on his end. _"I was just thinking about you, is all,"_ Akinari said.

"Oh gosh, what is it?" she asked, already knowing that he called with a purpose.

He may have thought about her sometimes, but it was never for nothing. He always had a purpose behind everything he did and said to her. She knew him too well for him to not have a purpose about anything.

He sighed. _"Are you doing okay?"_ he asked softly into her phone.

She smiled, feeling very grateful for such a great friend who cared about her so much. "I'm fine, Aki. Matter of fact, I'm almost back to my normal self," she said brightly.

He sighed again, except in relief. _"It sounds like it. I'm so glad,"_ he said.

"You're such a kind person," she said sincerely.

 _"I care about you, so of course you think so,"_ Akinari said in a playful tone.

Sakura smiled. "No, you are kind to everyone around you," she said in a similar tone.

She heard him chuckle. _"Stop it, Sakura. You know I hate it when you try to flatter me,"_ he said in what she perceived as a sheepish tone.

"I'm not, though. You really are kind…I don't know what I would do without you," she said truthfully.

 _"You wouldn't make it in this life,"_ he said playfully.

She giggled, shaking her head. "Why else did you call?" she asked, already knowing there was something else.

He was quiet for a moment, making her wonder if he had hung up on her.

For some reason, her heart began to beat fast, thinking that he might mention something about the rumors at the hospital.

"Aki—"

 _"Hey, that reminds me. Where were you today?"_ he asked in a nonchalant tone.

She knew exactly what he was asking, though.

"My place," she said shortly.

 _"Oh,"_ he said.

"Why?" she asked, deciding to play along with the little game he had going on here.

 _"Just making sure that Li-san didn't woo you into his office,"_ he said with a chuckle.

She frowned. "Of course, he didn't 'woo' me into anywhere. If I went to his office, it would have been because I wanted to and did out of my own freewill," she said defensively.

 _"Okay, okay, okay. You don't have to get all defensive on me. Besides, I trust you and know that you wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize your career,"_ he said confidently, making her feel slightly guilty.

The feeling disappeared quickly, though, being replaced with another emotion that she felt for Syaoran.

"Why do you ask, then?" she asked softly.

He chuckled. _"I don't know if I should tell you or not,"_ he said

She rolled her eyes, despite him not being able to see her. "Just tell me," she said.

 _"Apparently, he had someone unfamiliar here at the hospital earlier,"_ he said.

"Okay?" she asked, waiting for more.

 _"Well, they were…well…you know,"_ he said, sounding awkward in the phone.

She giggled. "Having sex?" she asked.

 _"Well, yeah! I don't know what the hell they were doing, considering the things I have heard about it,"_ he said.

Her cheeks colored, thinking about the events again. "W-what do you mean?" she asked in a timid tone.

 _"They weren't the quietest thing around the hospital. Apparently, the whole hall heard what the hell they had going on,"_ he said.

"Hoe…" she murmured very quietly to herself.

He burst out laughing at her heard response. _"Yes, that's how loud they were. Everyone's suspecting that it's a patient,"_ he said.

"W-why a patient? Isn't there a policy about that?" she asked.

 _"Well, she was calling him 'Dr. Li,' and I doubt that a girlfriend or partner would do that. Unless it was one of the workers here because they all do that out of respect...but... it's no one here, so I really don't have a clue who it could be,"_ he said, sounding deep in thought.

Sakura closed her lips tightly, fearing that she might say something stupid to give herself away. She could not afford to do that, especially after he praised her a few minutes ago.

 _"Sakura?"_ he called after she did not respond.

"Y-yeah, I heard you. That's strange, I wonder who it could be..." she said awkwardly.

 _"He didn't mention anything to you about seeing anyone new?"_ he asked.

Her face relaxed, remembering her and Syaoran's conversation at the hospital about him liking her now.

"Confidential information, sir," Sakura said in a playful tone. "And, you're not getting information from me to spread in that hospital."

Akinari laughed before letting out a sigh afterwards _. "Fair enough. Looks like you caught on to what I was doing,"_ he said in a similar tone to hers.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You're ridiculous, just like everyone at the hospital who works there," she said, giggling.

 _"Oh, stop it. What are you doing, anyway?"_ he asked, changing the subject.

"Just...laying down," she said.

 _" **Oh**? What are you wearing?"_ he asked in a teasing tone.

Sakura burst out laughing, shaking her head. "Goodnight, Aki," she said.

He chuckled. _"Goodnight, Saku. Love you,"_ he said.

"Love you too," she said before hanging up.

As soon as the call ended, she heard a knock on the door.

Suddenly, she felt giddy inside because of the person she was sure standing behind the door.

She had showered, cleaned the house out of boredom, changed the sheets and all **;** patiently waiting for him to get home since he left. Finally, he was here.

She debated whether she should change into more clothes instead of his T-shirt after she showered, but she disregarded the thought.

She was dressed enough to hide anything that could trigger him. Or, so she reasoned.

She walked to the living room with a huge smile on her face. She unlocked the door, not even bothering to check and see who it was.

When she opened the door, a wide smile spread across her face before it faltered at seeing that it was not Syaoran.

It was a woman with dark hair that was pulled up into a bun with crimson eyes. Her face looked very sculpted and defined with pale skin.

In other words, the woman looked beautiful, making Sakura feel slightly insecure about herself.

"Does Syaoran live here?" the woman asked with a Chinese accent, causing Sakura's throat to become dry, at a loss for words to tell her.

The woman arched one of her brows, placing her hand on her hip. "Come on, I know he has women coming in and out sometimes, so you don't have to feel ashamed or anything," the woman said in a reasoning tone.

Sakura's cheeks warmed at that statement but feeling slightly pleased that the woman had not referred to her as a whore. Nor, the other women to whom Syaoran had slept with in the past.

"H-he's at..." The woman gently pushed the door open, so she could walk in without Sakura's permission. "work," she finished awkwardly.

"Damn, that boy. He purposely did this, didn't he? He ignored my calls, texts, emails, and ugh," the woman sounded frustrated now.

"I—I'm sorry, but who are you?" Sakura asked in a polite tone.

"Well, this is a bit awkward. I didn't think that I would be meeting one of the women he sleeps with on the first night I got here," she said, scratching the back of her head awkwardly.

Sakura looked at her, noticing her dressed in foreign clothes, that she assumed as Chinese.

"U-uh..." Sakura stuttered, not knowing how to respond.

"I'm Li Meiling," she introduced, holding her hand towards Sakura to shake.

Sakura awkwardly took her hand, shaking it slow. "K-Kinomoto Sakura," she said shyly.

"Kinomoto-san!?" she exclaimed.

"U-uh..." Sakura felt shame and embarrassment wash over her body at being recognized by the woman.

And then, it struck her.

Li.

Meilin.

Syaoran had told her about Meilin, so she knew that it was his cousin.

For some reason, a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders, knowing that it was not some random woman coming to his home this late.

"Yes..." Sakura said awkwardly, feeling shy all of a sudden.

Meilin looked her up and down, humming softly. "I didn't peg you as the type to fall into my cousin's games," she said thoughtfully.

Sakura frowned, folding her arms around her body in an effort to offer herself comfort. "I didn't fall into anything...and... it's not like that," she said, not knowing how to defend herself in this situation.

She did not know how to react to the woman coming up with all these conclusions. And she surely did not expect to meet one of his family members in this predicament.

She felt so humiliated right now.

"What is it like, then?" Meilin asked, raising a curious brow at her.

"I..." Sakura could feel her cheeks going hot again, not knowing how to answer.

Meilin circled her as if she were observing Sakura. "You guys are dating," she stated, rather than asking.

"W-what?! Of course not!" Sakura said immediately.

"So, it's not that..." She looked thoughtful now. "Unless, you guys just want it to be a secret."

"W-we're...not dating," Sakura said uncertainly.

"What is it then?" Meilin gasped, making Sakura alert. "You're his therapist!"

"I-I..." Sakura's eyes widened, not able to lie on the spot.

"Wow, he would really stoop this low to corrupt an innocent woman's career. That son of a-"

"Please! It's not like that," Sakura said immediately, already knowing the conclusion that Meilin had come up with on the spot. "It's...complicated."

Meilin sighed, sitting on the comfortable couch. "Alright. I won't pry, but I'm not leaving until Syaoran gets here," she said in a concluding tone.

Sakura bit her lip lightly, feeling even more awkward. She wondered if she should leave, stay, or call Syaoran to inform him about the surprising arrival of his cousin.

"Come, sit," Meilin said, patting the couch that was free beside her. "I want to talk."

Sakura swallowed, slowly walking towards the couch to sit beside her.

"I didn't mean to make you feel awkward, but Syaoran doesn't just bring and leave any woman in his house. You must be special to him," she said thoughtfully.

Sakura's cheeks colored, eyes looking down at her hands in her lap. "I-I don't think it's like that," she said nervously.

"You're his therapist...for whatever reason, and you're in his home without him here...so, you have to be special to him," she said, causing Sakura's cheeks to warm even more.

"You guys are having sex too," she stated boldly, looking at Sakura hard, like Syaoran would sometimes.

"I-I—"

"It's okay. I didn't come here to find out anything and spill secrets to the media, so you don't have anything to worry about," Meilin said in a reassuring tone.

Sakura let out a relieved sigh. "Then...why?"

Meilin sighed, crossing her legs. "Because, Syaoran's abandoned us long enough. I'm tired of it, and..." Sakura looked at her, seeing sadness cloud her eyes. "I'm worried about him. He's gotten worse with contacting any of us. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to have anything to do with us..." Meilin said sadly.

Sakura looked at her sympathetically, wishing that she could tell her why he _really_ did not want to have anything to do with them. But, she knew there was no way. It was not her place to say anything.

"This event that's coming up for him is great...so damn great, that I don't want to miss it, and neither do his sisters. We told him that we would come here to celebrate with him, but he told us not to show. And after that, he stopped responding to any messages we sent him..."

Sakura swallowed. "Well, he's a doctor, so he's just busy maybe..." she said quietly.

"I'm sure he could take one minute out of his day and call back or send a text or two," Meilin said haughtily.

She sounded bitter now.

"I'm sorry," Sakura said softly.

Meilin looked at her with saddened eyes. "No, I'm sorry. I just came here, ranting to you as if we've been long time friends. Please, forgive my forwardness, Kinomoto-san," she said, bowing her head.

Sakura shook her head. "No, you're fine. I..." Her cheeks warmed a little. "I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to talk so freely to me."

Meilin sighed exasperated, dropping her head. "Is my cousin treating you well? You seem too good for him," she said with a frown.

Sakura's eyes widened. "He's...he's very sweet..." Sakura said softly. "He was very rude and mean when we first met, but he...he warmed up to me and became this kind person that I didn't even know he was capable of."

Sakura could feel her cheeks growing hot the attention Meilin was giving her by staring at her like that.

"You like him," she said.

"W-well, I appreciate the kind of person he is," Sakura stuttered.

Meilin rolled her eyes. "Please, don't be like my cousin. Whenever he's feeling something for anything, he tries to brush it off and use excuses," she said.

"W-well—"

The door opened, interrupting Sakura from finishing her sentence.

They both looked to the door, seeing Syaoran hang his keys on the little rack. Neither of them said a word.

When he turned towards them, Syaoran's face went from calm and relaxed to angry **,** immediately. "Why the fuck are you here?" he asked angrily, glaring at them both.

For a moment, Sakura felt like he was directing the question at her, so she stood quickly from the couch.

"Syaoran," she called, getting his attention, but he ignored her, storming over to them.

He gently grabbed Sakura's hand, pulling her behind him to block her from Meilin as if he were protecting her. "I thought I was clear when I said I didn't want to see any of you!" he bellowed, making Meilin stand from the couch.

She glared at him, folding her arms over her chest. "Can't you at least show some form of decency in front of your guest?" she asked, almost in a tone similar to his.

"Leave!" he yelled.

Sakura looked to the door, hoping that no one could hear them from the other apartments.

They were being a little too loud, especially at one in the morning.

Meilin straightened up, holding her head high. "No. I'm not leaving until you sit down and have a decent, rational conversation with me about why you don't want us here," she said.

Before Syaoran could respond, Sakura grabbed his arm tightly to get his attention.

He turned to her with a horrified expression on his face, almost shattering her heart into pieces.

"Sakura, I don't want her here and there's nothing that you can do to convince me otherwise," he said tightly.

She was surprised that he knew that she would try to convince him to do so.

He turned back to Meilin, glaring at her. "Leave, now," he said tightly.

Meilin folded her arms stubbornly. "We are going to talk," she said in a stern tone.

He groaned loudly, pulling his arm from Sakura so he could storm out of his own apartment.

Sakura turned to Meilin with an apologetic look on her face. "He just needs time, okay? Wait here," she said softly before rushing out of the house after him.

She closed the door behind her and rushed down the steps, only to see him leaning against the side of the apartment building, sitting on the ground with his head buried between his arms.

Sakura frowned, stooping down beside him, and grabbing his arm gently. "Syaoran," she called softly.

He looked up at her with anger clouding his eyes. "Why the fuck is she here, Sakura?" he asked angrily.

"You know why she's here..." she said in a disapproving tone.

"I don't want to talk to her, or any of them. What did she not understand from that? I just don't fucking get it," he said in a frustrating tone now.

"She misses you, just like all your other family does..." Sakura said in a soft, gentle tone.

She did not want to cause any more unpleasant emotions for him.

He was quiet for a moment before he sighed. "Come here," he said, opening his legs slightly for her to get between them and into his arms.

She crawled over to him, facing him and he wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her flush against him.

"I can't see her right now," he murmured into her neck, tickling her neck.

"Okay," she said softly, caressing his hair.

"Please, make her leave so we can have the night to spend together," he said. "Just us, no one else."

"It'll just be us tonight, okay?" she said softly.

She felt him release a relieved sigh against her before she tried to pull back, but he held her tightly.

"Please, just hold me…let's sit here for a moment," he said.

"Okay," she said, sitting on the grass so she could feel comfortable between his legs.

Even though he told her to hold him, it felt more like he was holding her.

So, they sat on the ground embracing each other for the longest of times before Sakura shivered, remembering that she only had his T-shirt on and it was probably 40 degrees out.

Syaoran released her as if he noticed it too. "Where the hell are your clothes?" he asked gently, sliding his hands down her body slowly, warming her skin slightly.

She blushed, snuggling closer to him. "I didn't think we would go outside tonight," she said sheepishly.

"Damn it, I'm sorry," he said, sliding his hands under her shirt to her bare waist to pull her closer to him.

He leaned down to kiss her lips softly, in what Sakura felt as an apology.

She responded back, holding him tightly before pulling away when she felt him poke her through his pants.

Syaoran sighed, releasing her. "How can I get rid of her? She won't listen to me. None of them ever listens to me," he said, sounding annoyed all over again about his cousin being there.

"Don't say it like that," Sakura said, feeling sorry for Meilin and him at the same time.

She could see that Meilin was just worried and concerned about him because he had been ignoring them, but then, she understood why Syaoran did not want to see them. It was just a reminder of his traumatizing past that he wanted to forget.

"There is no other way to say it. She's here, and before I know it, my annoying sisters will be here too. I..." He held her tighter. "I can't do that right now, Sakura."

"Okay, okay. I... does she have a place to stay?" she asked hesitantly.

"Hell, if I know. I didn't even know that she was coming here," he said.

"Okay. I have a spare room at my place, so she could stay with me," Sakura said without thinking.

Syaoran looked at her with a frown on his face. "Then, you'll have to leave..." he said sadly.

Sakura caressed his face gently and reached up to kiss his lips softly.

He deepened the kiss shortly after, sliding his tongue in her mouth so they could taste one another.

He moaned into her mouth, letting his hands glide up and down her sides gently.

It was only when his hands became needier that Sakura decided to put a stop to their kissing. Besides, they were still outside where anyone could walk out and see them.

"I was going to leave today, anyway. I have patients to see tomorrow," she said.

He sighed, resting his forehead against hers. "When will I see you again?" he asked.

"Come to the group therapy on Friday," she suggested.

He sighed, opening his eyes to look her in the face. "I can't. I have to work, and I don't think I can stand a minute being in the same room with that guy, especially with the way he looked at you," he said, holding her to him.

Sakura smiled knowingly. "You have no reason to be jealous," she said.

"I don't want him looking at you like that, though," he said stubbornly.

Sakura kissed his nose before prying his touchy hands from her body. "Come on," she said, standing from the ground.

He sighed. "What did she tell you?"

"Hmm?" Sakura asked confused.

"Did she tell you anything about me?" he asked, almost sounding anxious.

Sakura frowned, wondering if he was trying to hide something from her. "What would she need to tell me that you haven't?" she asked.

Syaoran stared at her face for a moment before shaking his head. "Nothing...just..." He sighed. "Get rid of her."

Sakura kissed his forehead and nodded. "I'll be back," she said.

Sakura walked back up the stairs to his apartment. When she opened the door, she was surprised to see Meilin already standing at the door.

"It was very nice to meet you, Kinomoto-san. I'm sorry that we had to meet this way. Hopefully, next time it'll be better," Meilin said, stepping aside.

"W-where are you going?" Sakura asked hesitantly.

"I rented a place for my stay. I'll be back tomorrow, so could you let him know for me?" she asked.

She nodded mutely, watching her walk out the apartment.

A few minutes passed before Syaoran came up, closing the door behind himself loudly, making Sakura jump.

"Syao—"

His lips attacked hers before she could finish that sentence. He picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as he pushed her against the door, hard. His hands were already trying to pull her panties down before Sakura stopped him by grabbing his hands.

"W-wait," she said, holding his hands tightly.

"Why?" he asked in a frustrated tone, attempting to pull her shirt up instead.

"Because we don't do this anymore; have sex to make ourselves feel better," she said, even sounding like she was talking about herself too.

His hands stopped trying to get her clothes off, and he looked her directly in the eyes before he closed them tightly. "You're right..." he said, setting her down on her feet.

"You're fine, okay?" she said in a reassuring tone.

"I know, I know," he said, pressing her body into the door with his. "I just...want to feel something, other than _this_ ," he said tightly.

"Let's cuddle then," she said, smiling at him.

He looked at her face as if he were trying to read her mind.

Her cheeks colored, eyes shifting from his. "W-what is it?" she asked nervously.

He shook his head. "Let's cuddle, then," he said.

She smiled, pulling him to his bedroom.

When they settled under the covers, Syaoran wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his body.

Sakura knew that he did not want to talk, so for the remainder of the night, they laid together in silence until they fell asleep.

* * *

"Deep breaths, Syaoran," he chanted over and over to himself. "Just take deep breaths, go in there, and get it over with already."

Syaoran was standing in front of the café door, trying to calm himself down from the pressure of finally talking to Meilin. It had been three days since he last saw her, and he was still not ready to see her.

After having a brief conversation over the phone about her not showing up at his place again like that and her agreeing, he gave in to the idea of meeting up with her on Saturday at a nice café for a nice chat, which was today.

He still could not believe that she had just shown up at his place unannounced at one in the morning. He was lucky to have arrived home early or Sakura could have come up with so many different conclusions about a random woman showing up at his place.

He could feel his face going hot at the thought of her, and his stomach had that familiar tug. He wanted her to trust him with everything, but was sure if things like that happened, she would never be able to.

He wanted everything to be perfect with her— _for_ her. He was beginning to doubt that it would now, thanks to a certain someone for showing up after he practically demanded her not to.

He sighed, shaking his head before pushing the café door open. He immediately spotted the dark-haired woman in the corner of the café, looking down at her phone.

He was almost sure that she was probably texting one of his annoying sisters.

He pushed that thought to the back of his head, making his way over to her. The closer he got, the more he could see her.

It was not like he had anything personal against Meilin, but the dark hair and pale skin was a reminder of the woman he hated the most.

"Finally!" Meilin said, glaring at him.

He grimaced, already becoming annoyed with her. "Could you keep your voice down?" he said, returning the glare at her.

"You were late on purpose, weren't you?" she asked with a frown on her face now.

Syaoran sighed, sitting in the chair in front of her. "What do we have to talk about?" he asked grouchily.

He already did not want to be here, and he had not seen Sakura since she left his apartment the night after they cuddled. He needed his dosage of Sakura to become the better him again but knew that it was not possible with their tight schedules.

Sakura was trying to catch up with her patients and the ones she missed, while he had so much work to do at the hospital.

For once, he wished that nothing else in the world mattered besides him and Sakura, but knew it was selfish to think such a thing.

He sighed, pushing the thoughts to the back of his head. He had other things to focus on right now, like getting rid of Meilin before the big ball and stopping his sisters from coming here too.

"You, dodo brain," she said.

"What about me?" he asked, purposely avoiding the topic he knew she was hoping for.

"Why don't you want us here? Or, why don't you want to have anything to do with us?" she asked sadly.

He looked away, seeing the familiar sadness cloud her eyes. He felt bad, but not enough to the point where he wanted them in his life.

"I like life better without you guys," he said truthfully.

"That is so cruel…" she whispered.

"It's the truth," he said coldly.

"How do you think your sisters feel? Or, Uncle? And Auntie—"

"I don't **care** about the way they feel. This is **my** life and I want nothing to do with you guys. Why is that so hard to understand?" he whispered the last part desperately. He just really did not want to have anything to do with them.

They were all a sad and terrifying memory of the past that he wanted to forget about.

"Because, you can't just throw away the people who were with you for half of your life—"

"None of you were there for me!" he bellowed.

"Keep your voice down," Meilin hissed when attention was drawn to their table.

Syaoran took a deep breath, leaning back in the chair. "I…just, can you leave? You'll only get in the way and make things worse than they already are," he said coldly.

He could be cold sometimes, but right now, he did not mean any of the cruel things that he was saying to her. He just hoped he hurt her enough to the point where she would not return. He wanted this to be the last time she ever showed her face in his life.

"What the hell happened to you? You weren't like this before," she said in a frustrating tone.

"I grew up and realized how much of a shitty family I have. That's what happened," he said, despite his heart aching at the lie.

Not everyone in his family abused or mistreated him, but anything would do as long as he got rid of her for good.

"Stop it!" she hissed. "You said that we could have a civilized conversation."

"Just tell me what you want from me," he said with a sigh.

"I don't want anythi—"

"Then, why the hell are you here?"

"Because I missed you, Syaoran! Is it so wrong to miss the guy I grew up with?" she asked brokenly.

He shook his head unbelievably. "Okay."

"Okay? That's all you have to say? Did you just agree to come here and purposely hurt me?" she asked, brows scrunched together in anger.

"Did you just purposely come here to ruin my life?" he retorted haughtily.

She stood from the table angrily, glaring at him. "Fuck you, Li Syaoran," and she stormed out of the café.

He let out a relieved sigh, glad that she had been the one to leave.

He felt bad for being so cruel and hurting her, but he hoped that he did not have to see her or have anything to do with her anymore.

 _She should have never come here to begin with._

With that thought in mind, he stood from the chair, leaving the café as well, feeling guiltier than he thought he did. He refused to fix anything with her though. He had warned her, but she chose not to listen to it.

He needed—

The loud chiming sound and buzz in his pocket interrupted his thoughts.

He took his phone out of his pocket, looking at the caller id. His heart warmed at the person on the screen and he swiped it across.

"I was wondering when you'd call," he said into the phone.

 _"My patient just left,"_ Sakura said. _"How was it?"_

He froze at the reminder of him telling Sakura that he would see Meilin today.

 _"Hello?"_ he heard her say when he did not respond.

"I'm still here," he said softly.

 _"What happened?"_ she asked, voice sounding accusing a little.

"I think she's gone," he said after a while.

 _"Syaoran,"_ she said disappointedly.

"I already said I didn't want to see her," he said softly.

 _"What are you doing right now?"_ she asked.

"Sitting outside the café we met at today," he said.

 _"Are you doing anything else today?"_ she asked.

"If I can't find anything, I might just go back to work," he said. "Why?"

 _"Don't do that. Let's go out for drinks later,"_ Sakura said in the phone, nearly surprising him. _"We need to talk."_

His heart began to beat fast, hearing her say that. That statement almost never meant anything good.

"What's wrong?" he asked, holding on to the phone tighter.

 _"We just need to talk,"_ she said.

"Sakura, what do we have to talk about?" he demanded, feeling annoyed that she even brought the topic up, but not wanting to give away any details.

"Everything that's going on, okay? We can have a…friend to friend conversation. Not as therapist and patient," she said, reasoning with him.

He sighed, somehow knowing what she was talking about. "Okay."

"Okay, what?" she asked uncertainly in the phone.

"Okay, we'll go out for drinks…" he said quietly.

"Grea—"

"On one condition," he interrupted immediately.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You give me one dance," he said.

She sighed into the phone softly before a giggle ringed in his ears, warming his heart. "Fair enough," she said.

He could feel his mood brightening, forgetting about everything else. "R-really?" he asked, almost excitedly. He could already feel her body against his moving so fluidly.

 _"Yes. I'll be free after eight, so could we meet up then?"_ she asked.

Syaoran nodded, already feeling his blood course through his body with excitement.

It had been ages since he last saw Sakura. Or, so it felt that way. He had seen her three days ago, yet it felt like an eternity.

He was starting to notice that phone calls and texts were not doing him any good anymore. He liked it better when they could physically see each other. Even if tonight would mean talking about something he may not want to talk about.

"Okay. See you then?" he asked.

"Yes. I'll text you the—"

"No, I could pick you up," he said immediately.

She was quiet on the other end, making him wonder if she had hung up or not.

"Sakura?"

"As long as you take me back to my place," she said after a while.

He frowned, sighing into the phone. "I know. I promise to get you home safe," he said, meaning every word.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Okay. Lo—" he stopped before he could finish that word.

 _What the hell?_

"What is it?" he heard her ask in the phone with concern.

"I-it's nothing. See you then," he said, and then quickly hung the phone up before she could respond.

He could not believe that he was really about to say _that_. It felt normal, and like a natural thing to do, especially since it was Sakura.

He had never used that word before, so he was sure that it was just a slip of the tongue. He heard other people tell their significant others that they loved them after getting off the phone all the time, so that was where the thought came from…

Right?

* * *

 **I didn't expect the chapter to come out this late, but the first time I wrote the chapter, my files got deleted, leaving me with no choice but to rewrite it over...**

 **On a brighter note, thanks to my beta,** theDeviantme **for editing! Also, I have a bit more free time now, since school's done, so I'm looking forward to getting more chapters out for you guys!**

 **Anyway, I know this wasn't the best chapter, but it's a chapter that had to be done to prepare you guys for the drama galore that's on it's way. Meilin's here, which I'm sure a lot of you will hate. But, her role in this story plays a big part too, so let's hold off on the hate towards her character for right now :P. I'd still like to know what you guys think of the chapter, and where do you think the story's headed now that his family's getting involved? Or, if he's _really_ hiding something as Sakura suspected for a brief moment? Hmm...**

 **Again though, thank you guys for the love and support. I have to get rest now because I've been running on 4 hours of sleep for the past 36 hours.**

 **Ja ne!**


	24. When Pain Brings Happiness

**"When Pain Brings Happiness"**

* * *

Syaoran sat in his car, patiently waiting for Sakura to come down from her apartment. For some reason, it felt like she was taking an incredibly long time.

When he arrived, he had given her a call and she convinced him to stay in the car and said that she would be down shortly.

That was already five minutes ago, so he was beginning to wonder if she had forgotten that he was sitting here, waiting for her.

It had been three days since he last saw her, and now she was just prolonging the time by not coming here.

He would not be able to stay out late tonight, because he had to work early in the morning, so he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

He sighed, picking up his phone to check and see if she had sent him a message, informing him that she could not do it.

He looked around the parking lot, spotting her car. She was at her apartment, so he could not understand why she had not come down yet.

Another five minutes passed before he decided that he waited long enough. He turned the car off and stepped out of it. He walked up the steps, heading straight to her apartment number that he had memorized now.

Just as he reached the top, the door opened to her room, stopping him in his tracks as his eyes trained on her figure.

His mouth went dry, not being able to form a coherent thought, or sentence at her appearance.

She had on a low-cut, black dress that stuck to her skin like a second coat of skin. The middle of the dress revealed her flat stomach, and the rest of the dress reached the middle of her thighs.

He closed his mouth, feeling like he would drool like a fool in front of the one woman he wanted to impress.

When he heard a throat being cleared, his eyes shifted up to her face, seeing her short hair curled a bit. Her face had on very little makeup, but enough for him to be able to tell that she had some on.

"Too much?" Sakura asked.

His breath caught in his throat and he shook his head, feeling his face heat up even more.

She smiled at him kindly and walked over to him. She grabbed his hand, causing a wave of electricity to shoot up his body at the contact. "Sorry for the long wait," she apologized.

He swallowed, shaking his head before interlocking their fingers together. "No problem. I just got a little worried," he said sheepishly.

She squeezed his hand, making his heart flutter at the act. "I'm sorry. I got caught up…" she said softly.

He nodded, and then they walked down the steps together in a comfortable silence. He was afraid that she might hear his raging heart beating loud.

He opened his car door for her, letting her get inside before he closed the door behind her.

He walked to the other side, settling in the seat beside her, and then took a deep breath. "Sakura," he called, eyes landing on her lips that were the color of blood because of the lipstick she had on.

"What is it?" she asked. "My eyes are right here."

He blushed at that statement before letting his eyes travel up until they met her eyes. "U-uh…" he stuttered, feeling like a foolish teenage guy on his first date.

They had been on dates a few times before this one, but something felt different this time. Maybe it was the fact that they were going somewhere public this time without him having to try and convince her to do it. Or, it could be that he did not have to rent out an entire place, so no one would know of their relation together.

He was not sure what it was, but he liked the feeling, a lot.

"That outfit looks nice," he said.

A light shade of pink tainted her cheeks before she smiled. "Thanks. Tomoyo designed it," she said shyly.

"Daidouji?" he questioned.

"Yeah, she designs for a living," Sakura said.

He hummed, and then turned the car on before pulling out of the parking spot.

The ride to the club was peaceful, filled with conversations about Sakura's day with her patients.

As soon as they pulled up and Syaoran turned the car off, he turned to her with a desperate look on his face. "A-a kiss…." he said nervously. "Please, can I just have one kiss?"

Her eyes widened, staring into his deep amber ones. "W-what's wrong?" she asked uncertainly.

"I know that you won't let me in any public places, but I…I just really need to have a taste of you before we go in there. You're already tempting me with that outfit…"

Her cheeks colored when his eyes dragged across her body hungrily. "Y-you—"

He gently grabbed her hand, pulling her hand to motion for her to come over to him. "Sakura," he called, almost hearing the plea in his own tone as he said her name.

She let out a soft sigh before a smile formed across her lips and she leaned over to let him kiss her.

It was a quick, chaste kiss, because she was already pulling back from his lips before he could even respond properly.

He could feel a pout come on his lips uncontrollably. "That was barely a kiss," he said grouchily.

"It was a good enough kiss because you have lipstick on your lips now," she said.

Syaoran was quick to wipe his lips after that statement, forgetting that she does have lipstick on.

She giggled beside him before opening the door.

After he finished wiping his mouth off, he got out the car with her, coming straight to her side.

She made sure to keep a distance between them, slightly annoying him. He thought she had gotten past this part of being in public with him.

He could not help but have a million different questions in his head about her behavior with him in public. Like, was she ashamed of him? Or, was she still thinking that everyone knew that she was his therapist and she could get in trouble?

The list could go on, but he found the answer to none of those questions the closer they got to the doors of the club.

"What's wrong?" she asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"You're ashamed of me, aren't you?" he asked, deciding to get the conversation over with.

He found no point in dealing with this stress alone when he could talk to her about it to put his mind at ease.

She stopped walking, making him stop as well. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"You're acting…distant now that we're in public together," he said quietly.

She was quiet for a moment, making him assume that he was correct about her being ashamed.

"How?" she finally asked.

He grabbed her hand, but she instantly pulled it back on instinct, hurting him more than he thought it would. "That's how," he said quietly.

She frowned, sighing loudly. "We have no reason to display such affection in public," she said in a reasoning tone.

It was his turn to frown now. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"It just means…we aren't together, so there's no reason for us to act like we are," she said quietly.

"Oh, so we're 'together' when we're alone, but not when people can see?" he asked testily.

She let out another sigh, seeming to detect his annoyance. "Syaoran, can we not do this tonight?" she asked sadly.

"No, I want answers, Sakura. I admitted that I _like_ you the other day," he said, remembering how she had avoided his confession of being interested in her.

That had hurt him, but she somehow made him forget about her not responding to his feelings with another statement she made.

"You did," she said softly. "Can we not talk about that here, though? We were supposed to have a conversation about other things tonight," she said softly.

"Oh, you don't want to have this conversation because we're in public then?" he asked.

She sighed again, sounding annoyed now. "Will you stop that? I'm not ashamed of you," she said with a frown on her face.

"Hold my hand then, right now," he said.

"Why?"

"Why'd you hold it when we were at your place?" he asked, sounding a little mad now.

"Syaoran, please…I really don't want to argue tonight," she said.

"Then, answer the damn question," he said, annoyed that she was avoiding the question now.

He had wanted to see her, but he was still on edge about everything today. Especially with his cousin so close.

He missed Sakura and wanted to see her and knew that seeing her would make him feel happy again. But now, she was acting weird when she had been the one to suggest going out for drinks.

"Do you like me, Sakura?" he decided to ask, wanting to know this answer more than anything else.

"Of course, I do. Why else would I sleep with you?" she asked with a frown on her face.

His heart untightened in his chest, feeling relieved that, that was out in the open now. "Not as just a patient, right?" he asked to get a little more reassurance.

She sighed. "Do you still think I sleep with my patients?" she asked, sounding annoyed with him now. "I thought you said that you trust me."

"I do," he said, meaning it, though his heart ached with jealousy at the thought of her sleeping with someone else. "I promise, I do, but I just wanted reassurance that you like me more than a patient."

She was quiet for a moment before murmuring something under her breath that he could not catch.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked you out tonight," she said.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Why? Because you like me?" he asked.

"No, because this would give you false hope that we could—" She stopped.

"That we could what?" he asked, already assuming what she would say.

"Nothing—"

"What the hell, Sakura?" he said frustrated.

"Look, can we just…" she sighed as if she did not know what to say. "Let's just enjoy this night together…as friends," she said.

He frowned, feeling like she was putting him in the friend zone now. "Why? You know how I feel about you," he said.

"I do."

He looked at her, waiting for her to say more, but it never came.

"What's wrong?" he asked, knowing that something was clearly bothering her now.

"Nothing," she said stubbornly.

"Bullshit. What's going on? I thought we were being honest with each other," he said sadly.

"Then, why aren't you being honest with me?" she retorted.

"What?" he asked confused now.

"You haven't told me everything I want to know," she said accusingly.

His brows scrunched together in confusion. "What?"

"What are the other reasons that you don't want Meilin-san here?" she asked.

"What the hell did that bitch tell you?" he asked angrily, already coming up with several things she could have told Sakura.

This was exactly why he did not want his cousin around. She always ran her mouth too much about everything.

"What do you mean? What don't I know, Syaoran? I thought you said that you weren't hiding anything," she said accusingly, again.

"I—" he stopped, wondering what was _really_ wrong with Sakura.

"What's going on, Sakura?" he asked again, wanting to get to the bottom of her change in attitude suddenly.

"If you're not going to tell me, there's no point in us being out together right now," she said, getting ready to walk back to the car.

Before she could get far, he was already chasing after her, stopping her from going any further. "Wait, wait, wait," he said, holding on to her arm.

"No, Syaoran. I'm done with this—"

"What's this about, Sakura? What happened? Why are you changing up on me now?" he asked sadly, pulling her to his body.

He imagined feeling her body against him tonight all day, but not in this situation. He did not expect himself to hold her back from leaving him here.

She relaxed in his arms immediately but pushed back from his body gently. "I'm not comfortable…" she said softly.

He looked at her face, confused now. "What?"

"I didn't think anything about it today when I first suggested going out for drinks…" she said, stepping back from him a bit. "I just…it was just supposed to be friends going out, but I forgot that we don't do that; we don't, _just_ act like friends…"

He stared at her, wondering where she was going with this. Quite frankly, he was starting to get a little scared that she was trying to end whatever they had going on. He was not ready for that yet.

"What's uncomfortable? Tell me, and I'll fix it for you," he said in a concerned tone.

"You've slept with so many women…" she said in a small voice.

His heart tightened at that reminder, feeling like it could rip apart. "I'm not sleeping with anyone else but you, Sakura," he said truthfully. "That was the past."

"Even if you say that, I still don't feel comfortable..." she said, looking away from him with a distant expression on her face.

"Sakura, I…" he stopped, at a loss for words to tell her. "I would never do that to you."

"It's not what you would or would not do, Syaoran. It's what you've _already_ done," she said.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"Don't…It's just hard seeing a woman walk by and I can't help but wonder if you've slept with her. And now, all I can think about is if people see us together, will they think that you've taken advantage of me? Or, if we're more than friends? And, I…" she took a deep breath before releasing it. "I don't think that I'm ready to take on the rumors. That's why…we _can't_ be affectionate in public."

He stared at her, not believing everything she had just told him in one go. He did not know how to feel about it. He was sure that the information she had just given him hurt, but he also felt that he understood her too. And, he wanted her to be happy.

With that thought in mind, he nodded. "I understand," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around herself.

"No, this isn't your fault. It's all me. I didn't think my stupid, irresponsible actions would catch up to me like this," he said quietly.

He wanted to reach over and wrap her in his arms to offer her comfort, but knew it was not the right time or place for it. And, he certainly did not deserve to.

"I'll stop trying to show affection to you in public, and I won't do anything to make anyone question you," he said. "I won't ruin your name like I did mine."

She looked up at him with wide-eyes.

"I'll try my best to protect you and make sure that nothing ruins you. I'll be as careful as you want me to be, and I'll…I'll make sure everything turns out fine for you. Just…" His fists clenched, feeling his heart ache at the thought of losing her. "Don't leave me. I need you, even if it's just as a friend…or therapist. You make me feel sane…"

A blush spread across her cheeks and she nodded. "I know…I'll be here until the end of this all; until you're _fixed_ ," she promised.

The tightening sensation in his heart slowly loosened up at hearing her say that. That was all he needed to hear.

"Come on. I still owe you that drink and talk I mentioned earlier," she said with a smile on her face.

His mood lightened up at hearing her statement. He was glad that she still wanted to be around him, which meant one thing; she was not giving up on him yet like everyone else did.

From that point on, he made it a personal goal to keep her happy, even if it meant hurting himself in the process.

* * *

Sakura leaned against him slightly as she giggled at a joke he made about the bartender.

They were having a good time, slightly tipsy, but still aware of what was going on.

Syaoran was happy that she had not mentioned anything about the whole Meilin incident, or the talk he had with her earlier. He really hoped it stayed that way. But, it was all thanks to the bartender who was currently talking to them.

"You know, I didn't know the two of you were acquainted," Seijou, the bartender said, as he made another drink for Sakura.

Sakura looked at Syaoran and smiled when he stiffened beside her. "Yeah. We met at the hospital," she said softly.

"How did you end up at the hospital?" Seijou asked, sounding like he already knew how.

Syaoran smiled, remembering the first time they had met. "She tripped over her own feet," he said with a smirk.

She groaned beside him and pushed him gently with a pout on her lips. "That's what the other doctor told him, but that was _not_ the case. I ended up tripping over a bag that was lying on the floor," she said, glaring at Syaoran softly.

Syaoran shrugged towards Seijou as if to say he did not know what she was talking about. "The other doctors bullied me because of it too. I felt like the joke of the hospital," she said with a soft laugh.

Seijou laughed, sliding the drink towards her. "That sounds like you," he said.

When Sakura winked at him playfully, Syaoran felt a small sting of jealousy. "How did you guys meet?" he asked. "Or, did you guys meet through therapy?"

"I had some issues in the past and was kind of forced into therapy by my wife," Seijou said, chuckling.

"Ah," Syaoran said shortly.

"He's a former patient," she said. "I told you, it's a little strange to see current patients outside of work."

Seijou burst out laughing as if he were remembering something that happened.

"I know what you're thinking about," Sakura said, giggling uncontrollably.

 _She's had a bit too much to drink…_

With that thought, Syaoran reached over to grab her drink. "What's so funny?" he asked, feeling out of the loop.

"There was a time that we saw each other outside of therapy…and, I'm not an awkward man, but I didn't know Kinomoto much at the time and we were just beginning therapy, so it was the most awkward conversation ever," he said.

Sakura reached over to grab her drink from Syaoran, but he held it from her. A pout formed on her lips. "It was awkward, which is why I don't see patients outside my practice," she said. "Can I have my drink back?"

"I think you've had enough for the night," he said in a reasoning tone. "Besides, you said that you weren't getting drunk tonight."

"I'm not. I'm completely sober right now," she said in a normal voice.

He stared at her for a while as if he were trying to read her. When her gaze did not falter, he gave her the drink.

"So…are you guys dating or something?" Seijou asked in a cool tone.

Syaoran could feel his cheeks getting hot at the knowing smile the man gave him. "No. Just…good friends," he said awkwardly.

Syaoran almost jumped when he felt her hand fall on his thigh under the bar counter. "Yeah. After the hospital incident, we reconnected through mutual friends," she said with a smile.

"That's good. Well, I'll let you two get on with your night," Seijou said in a friendly tone.

Sakura nodded, standing from the stool. "You too. It was great seeing you," she said.

Syaoran followed after her, nodding towards Seijou. "It was nice meeting you."

"You too."

Seijou left the two to do his job elsewhere, leaving Sakura and Syaoran to stand alone.

She stretched beside him, leaving him with no choice but to let his eyes hungrily run over her body. He was tempted to reach over and pull her towards him but remembered his promise. It was just not fair that all the other men in the club were looking at her like she was a piece of steak.

They walked away from the bar counter to another room in the club where it was less noisy. They could still hear the music, but it was not as loud here.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't know that he would be here," Sakura apologized.

Syaoran shook his head. "No, it's fine. It wasn't your fault. Besides, we got free drinks," he said to make light of the situation.

Sakura giggled, sitting down on the couch in the room. "That's true. Man, it's been years since I last saw him…" she said thoughtfully.

Syaoran sat beside her, staring at her dazed face. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. He looked…" She shook her head again with a smile. "He looked fine, like he's been doing well."

Syaoran was quiet for a moment, wondering what could have possibly been wrong with the man who seemed very happy about life. It did not even look like it was possible for him to struggle with anything.

"I see," he said quietly.

"Yeah. Let's talk about you," she suddenly said.

He tensed up beside her, not expecting her to say that. "I'm fine," he said stiffly.

"Right now," she said.

"I'm fine, as long as you're around," he said truthfully.

"I was around when…Meilin was around the other day," she said the last part hesitantly.

His fists clenched, thinking back on the day she first arrived. He had been so angry, infuriated to see her sitting in his living room so close to Sakura.

He had just told her earlier that day not to come here, but she still did. That was the exact reason he never wanted her around. She was always so bossy and pushy, that it nearly gave him no choice to have a say in anything.

"If you weren't around, I may have _considered_ , doing something irrational, but I don't know if I would have…" he said sadly.

"What will you do if I weren't around?" she asked.

His adrenaline began to rush at the thought of losing her. "I don't know, and I don't want to think about it," he said.

"Did she do something to you?" she asked softly.

He sighed, leaning forward to rest his head in his hand. "No…it's what she or anyone else _didn't_ do," he said.

He felt her lean up beside him, placing a hand on his back. "They couldn't have known what was going on…" she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You can't be upset towards the ignorant."

He sighed, feeling his heart beat at the small act of physical contact from her. "I know that…" he said, remaining completely still. He did not want her to break contact with him.

"Then, you shouldn't punish her," Sakura said in a small voice.

"She shouldn't be here then," he said, feeling the ugly monster poke at his heart again.

"She shouldn't," Sakura agreed. "But, she is."

Syaoran did not say anything for a minute, not knowing what to say.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" she asked.

"I…" he sighed, running his hand through his hair, frustrated. "I don't know. What _should_ I do?"

"I can't answer that for you…" she said, removing her hand from his back. "But, I can tell you what I would do."

"Please," he said, looking at her desperately.

She sighed with a sad smile on her face. "I would take it slow with her. Gradually talk with her by having decent conversations," she said.

"We have nothing to talk about, though," he said.

"You could start with asking how she's been," she said.

He thought about it for a moment before turning to her with a frown on his face. "I saw her today. I don't think I can see her in such a short time again," he said.

"You don't have to see her right away. Just take your time; take baby steps," she suggested.

"It could be at my own pace?" he asked, looking at her like he was lost.

And, he was. He did not know what to do, what to say, or anything that has something to do with having to see or talk to his family again.

It was not like he had cut them off completely from his life, but he sure does not parade them around in his life. He would have two to three-minute conversation with one of his sisters every six months or so, but it was never a real conversation. Just a, "Hope you are doing well," kind of conversation.

He did not even try to communicate with his father but asked about him through his sisters. That was good enough for him.

"Of course, as long as it's not forever," she said.

A smile crept to his lips at hearing her say that. "You know…let's forget about the dance," he said suddenly.

"Really?" she asked.

"I want to go back to your place…" he said.

"Syaora—"

"It's not for the reason you think it's for…" he said. "Just, trust me with this and let me take you home."

She stared at him for a moment before nodding her head. "Okay. Let's go," she said, standing from the couch in the room.

A smile spread across his face before he stood up with her. "Thank you," he said, knowing that she understood how he felt.

* * *

A smile crept to Sakura's lips, feeling Syaoran's lips travel down her wet neck slowly as her eyes closed. Chills ran down her body, despite them being in the tub that was filled with hot water.

He had his arms wrapped around her naked body, pulling her back against his naked wet chest as she rested between his parted legs.

She was surprised that he wanted to do _this_ , instead of receiving the dance back at the club. She had started to feel hesitant and sketchy about doing it anyway, but brushed it aside, reasoning that it would be dark in the room and too many people for anyone to notice them.

This felt better than them doing that, though. She recalled sitting in this tub a week ago after Syaoran had taken her home from their night out. The only difference this time was that they were naked, and having a pleasant conversation this time, instead of the one they had last time.

Syaoran had not even tried to make any moves on her, despite them being in her tub, _naked_. _Together_. And, pressed against each other. They were just simply having a nice conversation. It felt oddly weird, but in a good way.

"I met Meilin at the age of four. My dad had brought her home with him because my auntie was out of town, or something along those lines," he said, running his hands up her arms lightly.

She closed her eyes tighter, enjoying the sensation his hands brought to her body. "I'm listening," she said softly for him to continue.

"Oh, she was less annoying and bossy, at first," he said.

"How so?" she asked, tilting her head back so she could look up at him.

He smiled at her, leaning down to brush his lips against hers a little. He pulled back, but pulled her body closer to his, if that were even possible.

She could feel a blush creep onto her cheeks at feeling something hard poke her lower back. She felt relieved that he was able to maintain this much self-control, even while he was aroused.

"She acted quiet and shy at first. I didn't mind her being around then," he said, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"But?"

"She opened that damn annoying mouth of hers, and it never shut after that," he said, letting out an annoyed groan.

Sakura giggled, grabbing his hands that were under her breast. She lifted them from under the water and kissed them softly. "Is she the only person you don't want to see, aside from the other person?" she asked softly.

She felt him shake his head on her shoulder. "No, I don't want to see any of them," he said.

She hummed softly, deep in thought about this. She was sure that he needed to try and talk with his family to relieve some of the pent-up frustrations that he had towards them. Not necessarily let it out on them, but to talk to them. He needed to know and understand them better.

She was almost sure that it would help him feel a little better, but she did not want to bet her life on it. One thing that she was certain about was the fact that Meilin may not be the best option for him to talk to.

"But?" she asked, caressing his hand.

"If I had to choose, I would choose one of my sisters," he said softly against her skin.

"Which one?" she asked. "Is it Fuutie? I remember you telling me that she's your favorite."

Syaoran nodded against her shoulder. "Yeah. I feel like…she would be less pressuring than the others…" he said quietly.

Sakura nodded, squeezing his hand as she came up with a plan. "Are they still coming here?" she asked nonchalantly. Or, so she hoped. She just needed to have a word with Meilin.

He sighed, holding her tighter. "I hope not…I _really_ hope not," he said.

"Let's say they do show up…what are you going to do?" she asked thoughtfully.

"I don't want to think about it," he said, tone sounding like it was not up for discussion.

"Okay. No pressure," she said, taking the hint.

"Thank you…"

It was quiet for a moment, giving Sakura time to think on her own about everything. She wanted him to talk with his family but did not know how to encourage it without coming off as pushy.

"Speaking of family, how's your brother and his wife?" Syaoran asked suddenly, surprising Sakura.

He sounded like he was concerned, making her want to question him, but she knew better than to.

"They're doing great," she said quietly.

He hummed, sending a nice vibrating sensation on her body.

She felt so relaxed and peaceful, only making her assume that Syaoran knew that sitting in a tub full of hot water would do that for you.

Her muscles were relaxed, and she felt like she was on cloud nine. She wondered if he felt the same.

"I'm glad," he murmured, making her turn around to look at his face suspiciously.

"I thought you hated my brother," she said, matter of factly.

"I don't like him, but...I know that, if something were to happen to him, you'd be affected. I don't want you to be hurt in any way, so..." he trailed off, sheepishly. "I want you happy."

Hearing the sincerity in his voice, nearly scared her. Instead of responding, she squeezed his arm gently in response.

"You know...this is the first time that I've ever really been interested in anyone...to the point where I want to be with them," he confessed.

Sakura froze in his arms, closing her lips tightly.

He held her tightly. "I'm not saying anything weird, am I?" he asked timidly.

When she did not say anything, he loosened his hold her body. "Sakura, I'm sorr—"

"You're not...I just..."

"You're not ready for a relationship?" he asked.

She shook her head, no, sadly. "I've been through so much more than you could ever understand. And now, I'm _finally_ back on my feet. _Finally,_ happy again. It's been so long since I've felt this way..." she trailed off, feeling a smile creep to her lips.

She was happy again, especially now that she could see improvement in Syaoran too. She was happy that the past is the past, and nothing more than that.

She did not have anything to worry about anymore, and there was no point in holding on to the past in her life.

"I want to sit in this place in my life for a while. I can't add any more than what I'm willing to give right now," she said quietly.

She prayed that he understands. She was not sure if he really liked her because he _just_ did, or something else. She knew that he felt something for her, though.

"I understand. I just wanted you to know that I do...have this emotion that makes me want to be with you, to keep you safe, and even make you happy..." he trailed off, holding her tightly again. "But, I know. I'm not ready to take that step forward either. There's...so much more that I need to deal with before I can decide to add anyone else in my life...right?"

She smiled, turning around towards him so he could look her in the eyes. "You're right," she confirmed for him. "You have so much going on in your life...especially with your mental health, so that's what you need to focus on more. You need to find peace within yourself first before you can add anything else in your life. Or else…you'll wind up using me as your anchor."

A sad smile formed on his face and he leaned his head down to rest his forehead against hers.

When Sakura saw his eyes glisten with tears, he closed his eyes tightly, and nodded his head. "You're right," he said quietly.

She raised her hands from under the water and caressed his face gently. "I'll be here until the end of this all, okay?" she reminded him again. "You don't have to go through this alone."

He nodded against her head and smiled at her. "I know…"

"Good," she said.

They were silent for a moment, enjoying the peace and calm atmosphere in the bathroom.

She could not help but wonder if this was the reason Syaoran had suggested them to come here.

For whatever reason he has for doing this, she felt grateful for it.

There were no burdens weighing her down. In here, nothing else mattered besides the two of them.

"Hot baths have been proven to relax you," he said into the quiet bathroom.

She opened her eyes that she did not even know she had closed. She stared into his amber eyes.

"Is that why you...?"

"Yes. I've felt...tensed and stressed all day. Well, for the past few days since Meilin arrived," he said.

"What made you think of this?" she asked.

"Well, naked Sakura, hot water, and... hot water on a _naked_ Sakura pressed against me, sounded very appealing."

Her cheeks warmed as she giggled, hearing the humor in his tone. "You're such a pervert," she said softly.

He nuzzled her neck. "It's your fault," he said against her skin.

She smiled, shaking her head. "Seriously," she said.

"Well, soaking in hot water rises the temperature in your body. When our temperature rises, the blood and lymph circulation improve. Your metabolism increases, and your nervous system becomes calmer," he explained.

Sakura hummed, surprised to hear this for the first time. It was not like she had never felt calm and relaxed from soaking in a hot bath, but she never understood why.

"That's very interesting...what else is there to this?" she asked, wanting to become more knowledgeable about the human anatomy.

She had taken one anatomy class in university, but she barely remembered anything from it.

"The heat releases tension in your muscles and relaxes you. This is because the hot water immersion heightens the balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic components of your nervous system," he said. "The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for when our bodies relax and the sympathetic system for stress."

Sakura nodded slowly, understanding what he meant. "You're very knowledgeable when it comes to the body," she said. "You would think that a doctor forgets things since you guys learn so much..."

"That's true. I just...whenever I find the time, I often go through books to refresh my memory sometimes," he said, shrugging it off.

She hummed, closing her eyes before pulling back from him. "We should get out or we'll be all pruned," she said.

He chuckled softly, releasing her. "You're right. You don't mind if I stay tonight, right?" he asked timidly.

She looked him in the eyes, seeing him look at her shyly. She smiled at him. "Only because you let me stay the night at your place," she said.

A smile spread across his face and he leaned down to kiss her lips softly. "Thank you," he whispered against her lips.

She smiled and then stood up from the water. She could feel a blush form on her cheeks, feeling his eyes study her body.

She turned to him in the water, motioning him to get up with her pointer finger.

He was quick to follow instructions, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer to him.

She giggled, pushing him gently to get space between them. "I was just telling you to get up because I know that it would be hard to on your own," she said.

He kissed the side of her head before smiling. "I know."

He reached over and grabbed the towel off the rack, wrapping it around her body.

She smiled at him gratefully before wrapping it around herself tightly and climbing out.

He followed after her, not making a sound, causing Sakura to wonder if there was something wrong.

She turned around to him, surprised to see him staring at her bare shoulder blankly. She raised a brow, feeling her cheeks warm, nonetheless. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I... I feel like..." He stopped and sighed. "I just want someone to hold me."

Her eyes softened, seeing the sorrow in his eyes.

She does not know what is going on his mind, or what seems to be bothering him, but she knows that he needs someone there with him.

"Okay. Let's go to bed," she said softly.

"I-I'm not asking you if we could have sex, just to clarify," he stuttered.

She grabbed the towel off the rack and threw it at him. A smile formed on her lips when he looked her in the eyes. "I know."

He sighed in relief. "Okay, good."

She smiled and motioned with her head for him to follow her.

 _Looks like tonight will be another night of comfort._

* * *

"No," Akinari exaggerated.

Sakura giggled at his response, nodding her head. "Yes. She's gotten so much better," she said.

"That's good to hear. Last I heard, she was seeing some guy, right?" he asked.

"Yes. She hasn't told me much about him. She really likes him, though," Sakura said.

They were sitting at the typical cafe where they normally do on Saturdays, except it was Sunday this time.

She could not hang out with him yesterday, so they just postponed it.

She could not help but feel like it had been a while since they did this.

"Wow, a patient not opening up to you?" Akinari joked with a smile on his face.

Sakura giggled, kicking him under the table a little. She grinned when she saw his face grimace. "She's open enough with me. Besides, you said that I shouldn't be so attached to my patients anyway, so why do you have something to say about it now?" she asked, raising a brow at him.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "I know I said that, but do you ever listen to me?" he asked.

"About some stuff," she said, sticking her tongue at him.

"Barely anything," he corrected.

"Are you done?" She smiled at him.

He took a sip of his coffee and set it back on the table with a smile on his face. "I'm done," he said.

"Thank you. So, what's up with you? Any new patients? Girls? Our conversations don't always have to be about me," she said.

"Same patients, no girls," he said.

"Come on, Aki. You're getting old," Sakura said playfully.

"Alright, alright. I took this girl out a few days ago," he said shyly.

Sakura gasped, smiling widely. "Really? How was it? Is she pretty? Someone I know? Funny? Smart?"

Akinari chuckled, shaking his head. "Slow down there, kiddo. We went on _one_ date. And, it was...decent."

"So, it sucked. Man..."

"I didn't say that. I'd have to take her out again to determine if I like her or not. The date was short, and we went to the movies...which meant we didn't have much time to talk besides dinner, which we had to cut short because she got a call from her boss. She seems very nice, though," he said.

Sakura nodded, looking deep in thought.

Akinari had not been involved in the dating world for a while after his last girlfriend had cheated on him. She always wondered why he did not try to get back out there.

"It's hard trying to get back in the groove of dating, you know," he said. "It's not that I wasn't feeling her, though."

"Alright, one date wasn't enough to determine that. So, you're going to take her out again?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Why not? She's a very nice woman, so I have no reason not to."

A wide grin spread across Sakura's face at hearing that. "I'm so happy for you," she said, meaning it.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of taking people out, you want to be my date for this upcoming event?" he asked.

Her brows scrunched together. "What event?"

"It's a Christmas ball, and I don't think I'd go if I wouldn't have my best friend there with me," he said with a smile on his face.

Sakura returned the smile, feeling happy that he still considered her someone important in his life. Even though she was being a disappointment.

"I'd love to," she said.

He let out a relieved sigh. "Thank goodness," he said.

"When is it?" she asked.

"Uh...the 22nd of December," he said.

"Alright, fine with me. Onii-chan and his family are going to come down for Christmas to spend with father and I this year," she said, feeling giddy inside suddenly.

It had been a few months since she last saw them. It was in an unfortunate situation too, so she hoped the visit would be better this time too.

"That's awesome. He didn't make it last year," he said.

She nodded. "I know. I'm just glad that he's doing fine, though," she said with a smile.

He smiled at her, nodding.

"Are you visiting family this year?" she asked.

"I suppose so. I have nothing better to do," he said, shrugging.

"Well, please send them my regards. I haven't seen them in a while," she said.

"Of course. We should get ready to go, though. Our movie starts in 20 minutes," he said.

She nodded, standing from the table. "You're right."

She could not help but feel relieved about this hang out, because it had been less stressing on her this time. Simply because he did not mention anything about Syaoran for a change.

* * *

Better coping strategies...

Sakura had told him several things he could do to distract himself from giving into the temptation of using sexual pleasure to feel better.

But, sometimes it is hard.

It had been five days since he last saw Sakura or Meilin.

Since she had arrived, his sisters had been bugging him a lot more lately. Not that he gave them the time of day, but still. He knew that Meilin was the source behind it.

He guessed that she had probably told them that he did not have anything to do with her after their meeting at the cafe. She probably even mentioned how cold he had been to her.

Why should he care, though? She asked for it, he reminded himself.

Syaoran walked through the halls of his hospital, looking and observing all the workers. He was making sure that everyone was doing their jobs and not slacking off.

He needed everything to be perfect with Mr. Clow Reed around. The man was offering a large sum of money so that they could run a clinical trial.

Clow Reed has a daughter who is suffering from epilepsy and wants the hospital to run a trial on finding a cure for it since there is none.

This was something big for Syaoran and the hospital. _Very_ big. Him and his team could make history.

Even though it was something major, he could not stay focused these days. All he could worry about was his personal problems, which was something that never happened in the past.

He could not help but notice that his entire life had been affected ever since he started having the therapy sessions with Sakura.

Before those, he could push everything to the side and pretend like nothing was wrong with him. But, now, everything bothers him.

It may have been because he does not have sex as often as he did before to briefly make himself feel better, or, it could be that everything was becoming a clear picture now.

He wondered if this is how the average person who does not ignore their true emotions feels.

"Dr. Li, Mr. Reed is here," one of his workers said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He nodded his head, following the doctor as he rambled on about the upcoming research.

"Dr. Li!" Clow exclaimed as soon as he saw Syaoran approaching him.

Syaoran briefly nodded, and then shook his hand. "Mr. Reed, I didn't expect you to come here so early," he said formally.

"Well, I just decided to drop by earlier to have a word with you," Clow said with a smile.

Syaoran stiffened, wondering if he wanted to break the deal off.

"Nothing bad. I just wanted to know your thoughts and feelings about this deal again. I need affirmation that you're still confident in trying this out..." he said quietly.

Syaoran could see the sorrow in the man's eyes, just as much as he could hear it in his voice.

Syaoran nodded. "Me and my team will do the best that we can, sir. I may not be able to guarantee how everything will turn out in the end, but I can promise you that we will try our best with every means and resource that we have," he said confidently.

A smile slowly crept to Clow's face before he nodded. "Of course. You've informed the hospital about the event? I feel like this is something big for the hospital, so it is a cause for everyone's support," he said.

Syaoran nodded.

"Even though we don't know if the trial will be a success, I still think that a celebration should happen by the fact that you guys have agreed to go through with this outrageous plan. Plus, I have some old friends coming into town for the event to contribute to the research," Clow said.

Syaoran nodded again. "Again, thank you, Mr. Reed. I could never understand the grief you have been going through for years, but I am willing to place myself in your shoes and imagine how you feel," he said formally.

Clow nodded with a smile on his face. "Thank you, Dr. Li. You're as humane as the patients describe you to be," he complimented.

A small smile crept to Syaoran's lips as he nodded with a quiet, "thank you," before Clow bid him goodbye.

Now, he has one more place to go before he could finally find a little peace within himself about this whole ordeal that was about to take place very soon.

"Li Syaoran!"

Syaoran looked up at hearing the familiar voice with scrunched brows, wondering if he was hallucinating.

When his eyes took in the person who was standing in front of him, his eyes widened, and his heart nearly stopped beating.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello, everyone! I know I said updates wouldn't be as late anymore, but life gets in the way sometimes, sadly, so sorry D:. Thanks to my beta theDeviantme for editing!**

 **On another note, thank you guys for the love and support! I think I responded to all the reviews, but a few that I couldn't because they were guest. I do feel the need to address a few of them, so you guys don't have to read the rest of this author's note, unless you may want to be educated a little bit more about addiction/psychological topics.**

 **Though I don't ever feel the slightest bit bothered by other opinions about my story, or writing style, I winced a bit for my fellow people who actually struggle with their mental health. I don't like when people invalidate every person who is or have been addicted to anything (it's not just about sex, because addiction could be with anything…) that actually made me want to educate anyone who isn't aware of this.**

 **"Mentally-ill" people, whether it's addiction or many other types of disorders, are very capable of falling in love, just like every other person who are considered, "mentally healthy." From the perspective of hundreds of people, I know, sex does feel different when you're having it with a person you actually have feelings for (whether if you're in love, or anything remotely romantic, which Syaoran's feelings are here) so, the logic that was given about him feeling different about sex because he doesn't have it as often doesn't validate the way the character feels here. This is true to a certain extent with others, but not in my story. One thing I do agree with is, "he is very capable of cheating" …yes, he is…just like every other man or woman is in this world. Sakura is also capable of "cheating," though neither of them will be considered cheaters because they are not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, right now.**

 **I have nothing personal against people who have their own opinions, but I don't like when they leave uneducated comments that could possibly cause others to think otherwise. Everyone isn't educated on the topic of addiction or many other types of mental issues, so I'm not upset about it. However, I do think it's best to do research on the topic before coming up with these assumptions about people who are addicts. I can assure everyone that recovering sex-addicts can be in healthy relationships where they are exclusively in love with their partners…it just takes time, therapy, practice, recognition, and a few other things before people can get their _compulsive behaviors under control_. **

**And guys, even though Sakura does not trust Syaoran and knows how he was before (and assume how he is now), she's mature enough to know that she has no right to badger him like a girlfriend would because it's clear in her perspective that they're not together. She likes him, and still has the emotions of a girlfriend because of that, but that still doesn't give her a right to act as a girlfriend would in her predicament (even if she unconsciously finds herself doing it sometimes). I can't say much about this topic of how much she trusts him and her being paranoid because it'll give away information in the future chapters, but right now, she's playing it cool and trying not to act based off her emotions like most people do because she clearly doesn't trust him here.**

 **I'm not attacking anyone and would have responded privately to these reviews (to clarify that it wasn't to belittle anyone), but they were guests, so I couldn't. I just don't want anyone to remain uneducated as I was before I actually took classes and did my own research about addictions :).**

 **Anyway, if you read through all of this, I do have the next chapter done and just needs to be edited, so will be out shortly!**

 **Ja ne!**


	25. A Family Reunion

**"A Family Reunion"**

* * *

What were they doing here, so soon?

He had not expected them to arrive just a week after Meilin. This was too much for him.

"Syaoran!" Feimei exclaimed, running towards him with her arms reached out in front of her.

Because he was caught off guard by their arrival, she tackled him to the ground, hugging him tightly.

Feimei was the youngest sister amongst his four older sisters. She has long, brown hair and light eyes, that appeared very innocent like.

For a brief moment, his heart warmed, seeing her appear the same after all these years, before the feeling disappeared with anger that she was here now.

He was not sure what made him feel upset. It could have just been the fact that she was here, or that he felt a sense of happiness, seeing her after so many years.

He struggled under her tight grip as she held him tightly, landing kisses on his face relentlessly.

He was almost sure that he would be the laughing show of his hospital if she continued on with this.

Too much was happening at once that it was starting to get hard to keep up with. First, there were the rumors, or actual facts, going around that he was finally seeing a woman and staying committed to her. And then, Meilin showed up, trying to force him into talking to her about why he had been away for so long. Then, Sakura had told him that he was not ready to be in a relationship.

It was not the fact that he could not be in one, it was **_who_** he could not be with. That alone was hard to deal with, and now, his sisters were here.

"Feimei, get off," he hissed tightly, still trying to push her.

She giggled, releasing her hold on him a little, but not enough to get her away. "Aww, you're still the same, Syaoran," she said, using one of her hands to pull on his cheeks.

He grimaced, pushing her off him gently, not wanting to hurt her the least bit. He just wanted space.

"Why the hell are you guys here?" he asked, glaring at her gently.

Even though he had rehearsed in his head many times how he would treat his sisters when they got here, he could not bring himself to hurt them.

"How do you know it's not just me?" she asked with a pout on her lips.

He groaned, standing from the ground. "Because you guys come in packs, just like you came out during birth. If it's one, it's all," he said, sounding agitated.

"Well, we were all looking for you…but, I was the lucky one to find you," she said, grinning. "Oh, you're still so cute with your messy hair!"

She grabbed his head, pulling his face down to her breast so she could reach the top of his head to ruffle his hair easily.

He let out an exaggerated sigh and pulled his head from her. "Will you stop? People are staring at us," he hissed at her.

She burst out laughing, turning to everyone who seemed to be standing around, watching the scene. "Isn't my brother just the most adorabl—"

He grabbed her wrist, dragging her with him before he barked at everyone, telling them to get back to work, which they all hurriedly did.

He surely did not expect his day to turn out this way.

* * *

"Why are you guys here?" he asked them all grouchily after he made them sit on the couch in his office in a mannerly order.

Him and Feimei searched around the entire hospital to find them all. It had taken him a while to get them off of him, showering him with their "love."

 _More like smothering…_

Fuutie stood up, pointing at him with an accusing finger as she glared at him. "You know _exactly_ why we're here so early, mister," she said.

He sighed, remembering why she was exactly like him. Bold, critical, straight to the point, and always willing to get her point across. Though she was less cold-hearted than he was, he still felt that he could relate more to her than his other sisters.

She has brown hair, just like Feimei, but shorter.

"You did **_not_** fly here because I said something to hurt Meilin's feelings," he said, equally glaring at her, but not as harsh as hers was.

There was a fierce look in her eyes, possibly similar to his, but he knew that he would never be able to argue her down if they were put in a situation to go against each other.

That did not mean he would never give it a try.

"You're right, it's not," she said. "Father's sick."

His face faltered a bit, before the façade of anger replaced it. "What?" he asked.

Shiefa stood up, walking in front of him as well. "He is. He has pneumonia," she said sadly.

Shiefa was the second oldest after Fuutie and has the shortest hair among them all. She was always happy and cheerful, sometimes as happy as Feimei. She was also vocal and obnoxious at times, but never over the top, like Meilin.

Syaoran shook his head. "Why didn't you guys just tell me that over a phone call, so I could send my regards?" he asked, despite the ridiculous feeling he felt inside at that statement.

Pneumonia was very treatable, so he knew that his father would be fine if they took him to the hospital and got the right antibiotics.

"Are you deaf?" Fuutie said with wide eyes. "Your own _father_ being sick wouldn't even bring you home to visit?"

"That's not my home," he said, fists clenching at her statement.

 _Here it comes…_

"Oh, really? You didn't have shelter? Food? Water? A bed to sleep in? Love? Don't let me make the list longer," Fuutie said, glaring at him. "Don't make yourself sound like an ungrateful child, please. That's not the Syaoran I know."

He wanted to yell at her— _them_ —for even being here, but he could not bring himself to.

Even though he had dreaded them coming here since he found out they would come, he could not say anything to hurt them. Somewhere deep down, he knew that he was happy to see them because he missed them.

That did not mean he had pleasant feelings on the surface about them being here, though.

"It doesn't matter. Just…I'll get you guys plane tickets, and let father know that I hope he gets well," he said quietly.

" _Syaoran_ ," Fanren interjected, seeming to be tired of his ridiculous talking.

Fanren was the third oldest. She was just as happy as the other two were, but she has a more mature atmosphere about her.

"Look, I'm glad to see you guys here, but you can't stay here," he said, letting his eyes stray from their hurt expressions.

He could take looking at anyone else, aside from Sakura, who may have been hurting, but not them. His sisters…

It was too much. Even though he has this burning hatred and anger towards them for being oblivious to everything that went on at home, he still could not see them hurting.

"Why? What's your excuse this time?" Fuutie asked.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see her fists clenched at her side angrily. "It doesn—"

" _Yes_ , it does matter. You should be glad that we didn't bring mother here either."

At the mention of _her_ , his entire form froze, feeling all the blood in his body boil. "Get out," he said quietly, trying his best to remain calm.

"Wha—"

"Get the fuck out, _now_!" he yelled, not caring if the entire hospital had heard him.

"Syao—"

"No, Feimei. We should go," Fuutie said softly, sounding like she knew that their stay was not welcome anymore.

Syaoran would have sighed in relief and thanked her, but could not even think, feel, or concentrate on anything besides the rapid beating of his heart and his blood rushing through his body.

He faintly heard Fuutie whisper, "We'll talk when you're ready, but it's not going to be forever," before they all disappeared.

As soon as the door closed, he let out a loud breath, not even aware that he had been holding it in, since they mentioned her.

He needed…

He paused, taking in the emotion that he felt. For the first time ever, he realized that he needed something else, other than sex.

Before he could stop himself, he was already grabbing his keys and rushing out of his office to the locker room, so he could change.

* * *

"Would you all mind if I shared what I wrote this past week?" Syaoran heard the same woman he had seen a few weeks ago, ask, as he closed the door to Sakura's practice.

He was a little late but decided on a whim to come and see her. It had been a while since he last came to a session. He knew this is exactly what he needs. And for a change, it was not just so he could see Sakura.

He actually wanted to know how the others were progressing and feeling about abstaining from sex, like he was doing. After the arrival of his sisters, he knew that sex would not fix this feeling he has.

He needed something greater and better than sex, which was talking about the feeling.

All eyes turned to him, causing his cheeks to warm when he felt Sakura's eyes on him.

 _Great._

"How very nice of you to join us, Li-san. We missed you last week," Sakura said, smiling at him.

His cheeks flamed even more as he nodded, sitting in the empty chair in the room.

"Would anyone like to give a recap on what we talked about last week?" Sakura asked. "And, following after that, Akiho can read her journal, as she asked."

Akiho smiled widely, nodding her head.

"Well, Dr. Kinomoto offered some great advice here last week," Tanaka Rui said, smiling brightly.

Sakura's cheeks colored, and she swatted her hand bashfully. "Don't flatter me," she said shyly.

Syaoran stared at her reaction, not enjoying her flushing over another guy like that. But then, he remembered, she told him to trust her; that he did not have anything to worry about. Plus, he did not want to add on to his problems.

"Really…even though it has only been a week, writing down in the notebook has helped me tremendously. Not only with avoiding sex, but with my depression, anxiety, and everything else that I struggle with…" Rui said quietly.

"I agree, Dr. Kinomoto. This was a great idea," Yamamoto Sato said, smiling at her.

"Well, I'm glad that it's been helpful for you guys," Sakura said.

Syaoran just stared at them, listening to everyone talk attentively, until it hit him.

This was the exact reason he came here today; to hear how everyone else had been coping with things. He had been trying to get in contact with Sakura for the past few days, but she was always busy. And when she was not busy, he would be, so there was never really time that they could talk much.

He silently sighed, realizing how much they would not be able to communicate with each other. Especially when this trial started.

"Akiho," Sakura nodded towards her, motioning her to read the piece of paper she had in her hand.

Akiho smiled widely. "Well, I decided to tell Kaitou about my problem…" she said.

Sato sighed. "I know it must have been hard on you," he said, tone sounding similar to hers. "Was he accepting?"

Akiho sighed, looking down at the piece of paper in her lap. "It's not like I'm not getting better…" she said sadly. "We haven't had sex because of my issues, I'm actively engaged with you guys, and even some friends I have outside of therapy. I'm more aware of my feelings, and I can talk about them with you guys…including Sakura-san. I know how to come to others when I'm having a hard time with my cravings. I know the route of all of my issues and I'm getting help for them all, right, Sakura?"

Syaoran could hear the tears coming in her voice, and even felt empathetic towards her. He could not help but know the answer she was about to give for Sato's question.

"Of course, Akiho," Sakura said gently.

Akiho sniffed. "And, my behaviors aren't impulsive as they were before. I'm past the feeling of wanting a relationship out of desperation. I don't want a relationship because I want to find self-worth. I'm actually starting to love myself…" she said quietly.

Everyone was quiet in the room, even Sakura, which surprised Syaoran.

"No, I _do_ love myself. I want a relationship to add value to my life; not to feel loved…that's why I don't see why he said that he had to think about it…my past…and everything I told him. I was completely honest with him," she said, now letting the tears fall from her eyes. "I was so honest with him, like you said I had to be, Sakura. How did I lose him in the process?"

Syaoran could feel his heart ache for her, somehow understanding how she feels.

He had asked Sakura if they could get involved in something similar to what Akiho said she wanted, but Sakura had basically said no, for several reasons that he understood why. But still, it had hurt him.

Even though she had not blatantly rejected him, it sure felt like it. But, he could not be mad at her because she made a valid point. He did not want to use or abuse her emotionally in any kind of way. Sakura already seems to have been through so much, and he did not want to add on to her horrifying past.

Syaoran looked at Akiho as she wiped her tears, realizing they were different. Akiho seems to be a lot better than he was. She understood more, and she even admitted out loud that she loved herself. He was not so sure about that.

"Akiho," Sakura called softly, snapping Syaoran out of his thoughts.

Akiho sniffed again. "I'm not crying because I'm sad…it's just…because I understand, you know? He's a great guy, and he doesn't deserve someone with my past. I want the best for him, and…"

Before Syaoran knew what he was doing or even thinking, he cleared his throat, drawing the attention on himself. "Just because you have a terrible past, doesn't mean you don't deserve happiness…" he said quietly.

It was quiet in the room, making him feel awkward for even opening his mouth. Instead of backing down, he continued, "If he's a great guy, then he would see how much of a good person you seem to be."

Akiho let out a short, soft laugh. "Look at this…I didn't even think you were capable enough of being so nice when you first came here," she said softly.

"We're all capable of being whatever we want," Sakura said with a smile.

"You're right. I just said that to say…our doctor is getting better," Akiho said with a smile.

Everyone in the room agreed with her, making Syaoran feel slightly bashful with all the attention on him as they praised him.

That was not his intentions when he first opened his mouth. He just wanted her to feel better because he understood how she felt, but this…made him feel a little better about himself.

Maybe he was capable of getting better like the rest of them were slowly.

"And, Akiho," Sakura called to get her attention after everyone settled down in the room.

"Yes, Sakura?" she answered.

"Just give him time, okay? Right now, he has a lot to think about and come to terms with. Syaoran said it best, if he's as great as you say he is, which I believe you, he'll come around and give you an answer," Sakura said with a smile.

Akiho returned the smile. "Thank you, guys. You're right," she said, sounding a bit happier now.

"Is that what you wrote about?" Rui asked.

"Yeah, I was very curious about that," Sato added.

She shook her head slowly. "I just wrote about how I felt after his answer…" she said. "Which, I'm sure you guys can guess what that was about since I just poured my heart out to you all about it."

They chuckled, hearing the humor in her tone.

It was only when the door to Sakura's practice opened, that their laughter stopped.

Everyone's attention turned to the door, seeing Watanabe Hayato stand at the door.

Syaoran froze, not knowing how to feel about the man being here. Last time, his blood boiled, seeing him stare at Sakura like that.

He never liked to see another man looking at Sakura, so he wondered how he would react this time if the Watanabe guy stared at her today like that again.

As he thought that, he realized how impulsive his behaviors were.

"You're a little later than normal, Watanabe-kun," Sakura said with a kind smile on her face.

Hayato looked in her direction briefly before letting his eyes drift away from her.

 _Huh?_

"Meeting ran a little late," he said quietly as he walked over to the seat he normally sat in.

Syaoran wanted to question when the man had even started _talking_. The last time he came here, the man had not said anything.

"That's alright. We're glad you could make it," she said, smiling at him.

"Oh! Are you planning to regularly attend now, Li-kun?" Sato asked, shifting the conversation suddenly.

Syaoran's face faltered, caught off guard by that question.

"U-uh…I guess?" he answered, not sure what answer the man was expecting him to say.

"Kinomoto-san wouldn't that mean he needs an accountable partner now, too?" Sato asked, directing the question at Sakura, though his tone insinuated that Syaoran should answer it.

Suddenly, Syaoran knew what he was trying to say. "Oh, no. I'm fine," he said, hoping that the topic would be dropped.

"No, you're not. Having an accountable partner really helps. We've all been accountable to each other, aside from Watanabe-san, who just started talking here, last week. Why don't you two partner-up?" Rui said with a gentle smile on his face.

Syaoran's face turned a deathly pale color, feeling all the blood drain from it. "No, _really_. I don't feel comfortable doing that," he said, even hearing the discomfort in his own tone.

"What do you think about it, Watanabe-kun? Since you didn't want to pair up with either of us," Sato said, not sounding the least bit offended by that.

Syaoran held his breath, hoping that the man would not agree to this outrageous idea like him. He was not up for sharing secrets, or his personal life with people.

When he let his eyes stray over to the man, they widened, seeing him shrug his shoulder as if he did not care about it. "Whatever," he murmured.

"It's settled then. Now, Watanabe-kun wouldn't feel left out, or Li-kun," Rui said with a grin.

"I-I—"

"You want to do this, Syaoran," Sakura said softly, locking eyes with him.

His eyes widened, surprised that she had just called him by his first name in front of everyone.

Feeling obligated to oblige to everyone's suggestion, he nodded, not knowing what else to say about it.

He sighed after everyone, except for Hayato, applauded to his agreement.

Looks like he had no choice but to see what this accountability thing was about.

* * *

"Have a great one," Sakura said, waving goodbye to Akiho who was walking out of the door.

She was the last one to leave, aside from Syaoran, who was still sitting in his chair. She was a bit surprised that he had even shown up, without telling her.

They had not really talked with each other since he stayed at her place on Saturday night. She had been trying to distance herself from him a bit, especially after his confession of wanting to be with her.

She had not expected him to say _that_ , of all things. She was still shaken up by that declaration but felt that she handled it the right way. She was not ready for a relationship, and she knew that he was not ready either.

Plus, she had been busy lately with her patients. She had more patients coming in and could not even find the time to spend any with Syaoran lately. And, Syaoran had been a lot busier than normal too, so there was just no time for them.

She silently sighed as she looked at him, sensing a gloomy aura around him. "Syaoran," she called softly, somehow knowing something was wrong.

He looked up at her, seeing her stare at him. He smiled at her sadly and motioned with his head for her to come over.

She walked over to him slowly, sitting in the chair beside him. "What happened?" she asked gently.

"Can I just…" He stopped, making her look in his direction.

Her heart almost broke, watching his lips quiver like that. She was almost sure that he could break down at any moment now and cry.

There was only one other time that she had seen him cry, and it was only for a brief moment because he panicked and left before she could even comfort him.

"Can I just…sit here for a moment?" he asked quietly.

Sakura's face softened, and she nodded. "Of course, you can," she said softly.

She did not know how long they sat there in silence, but she patiently waited for him to place his thoughts together.

"Father's sick," he said after a few more minutes of silence.

Sakura turned to him with a frown on her face. "How did you find out?" she asked gently, already knowing that this was not the problem bothering him.

He was quiet again, making her curiosity increase. Still, she waited patiently for him to open up to her.

She had not even planned to stay here after the group session ended, but now that he was here, probably in one of his most vulnerable states, she did not mind.

It was not every day that Li Syaoran opened up so freely without her having to coerce him.

"Meilin, that…" His teeth clenched as if he were trying to hold himself back from saying something so cruel. He took a deep breath and then let it out. "She went back to my sisters and informed them of how I treated her."

"Oh," Sakura said softly, not wanting to force any details out of him.

"So, now, they're here…" he said.

"Syaoran—"

"And, I'm so _angry_ …so fucking angry that I felt… _happy_ to see them, even after everything that I rehearsed over and over in my head. The feelings of hatred and anger disappeared, after so many years. And, I hate that. I didn't want them to disappear because I still feel those things deep down…but they just…"

Sakura did not say anything, at a loss for words for the first time as a therapist. She normally knew what to say, but she had not expected him to say that.

"I don't know, Sakura. I couldn't say anything to hurt them like I tried to hurt Meilin. I couldn't even _look_ at them, seeing such hurt on their faces after I told them to leave. I don't know what happened," he said sadly.

"They still hold value in your life," she said quietly. "That's why…you felt happy to see them, but angry at the same time because you remembered everything they didn't know you went through."

He sighed, running a hand down his face, frustrated. "I told them to leave, so angrily, with _so_ much hate, that I'm sure they detected it. At least Fuutie did…"

"Why did you tell them to leave?" she asked.

"Because…Feimei…" He frowned. "She mentioned something about… _that_ woman, as if she had any kind of special significance in my life," he said, suddenly speaking in such a bitter tone.

"Because, she doesn't know, Syaoran. None of them knows," Sakura said in a reasoning tone.

"How could they not have known about the abuse, Sakura? Only sick, twisted people would look past a child's abuser," he said, clenching his fists tightly.

Sakura dropped her hand on top of his, gently pulling them apart so he could stop inflicting the pain on himself. "Do you think they're the type of people who would look past your pain?" she asked softly.

He was quiet for a moment, staring down at their joined hands together blankly. "No," he said after a few more seconds passed.

"Exactly—"

"But, I still hate them for being so oblivious to all of it," he said sadly.

"I know…"

He was quiet for a moment, as if he were thinking about everything. "I don't think I can talk to them about anything, like I talk about everything that happened with you…" he said. "I don't trust them…and, I've realized the more I talk about things...the more I feel...relieved? It hurts to talk about it, but there's this feeling I can't describe that I have after talking about things with you."

"So, we can, then. Whenever you're ready, we can talk about whatever you want," she said, offering him an encouraging smile.

"Really?" he asked, hopefully.

"Of course. You can trust me, right?" she asked.

"You know I can."

"Then, you can talk about it whenever you want to," she said.

He smiled at her a little, turning his hand over to hers to hold it gently. "Thank you…and…" he trailed off.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Today, I didn't think about actually giving into the urge of sex to make myself feel better; in control of my feelings…" he said shyly.

Sakura's face immediately brightened, hearing him say that. "Really?" she said.

She could see his cheeks being tainted with a blush as he nodded sheepishly. "No…I just wanted to come here, and…get involved with everyone, who I'm sure are going through the same problems as me," he said.

"I'm so glad to hear that," she said, truly meaning it.

She could slowly see his mood shifting from the look in his eyes. There was relief, happiness, and a pleased look, if she was seeing correctly.

"I understand that sex isn't the answer to everything. Even though Sunday was a bad time for me and I tried to have sex with you, I knew you weren't going to do it before I had even tried…" he said.

"Why did you try, then?" she asked, even more curious about what had been going on through his head lately.

It had only been a few days since they had really talked. She could not help but wonder if he had been talking to anyone else about these things.

He shrugged. "Just to see if I would get my way, I guess," he said quietly. "And, I'm sorry for that. For trying to use you…"

She shook her head slowly. "Syaoran, I'm not going to allow you to use me, okay? When we had, or have sex, it's a consensual thing, not because I feel obligated to, to make you feel better. And, if you haven't noticed, we don't have sex when you're influenced to by your emotions."

He was quiet for a moment, as if he were thinking again.

 _Just tell me everything that's going on in your head already!_

"You're right. I remember you saying that the times I shouldn't have sex, is when I'm most influenced by the negative emotions because that's the reason I'm…dependent on it."

"That's right. And, you're doing a lot better," she said, smiling at him.

"I feel like I am…" he said bashfully.

She could feel her smile widening at his response. "You know, it's not just about the sex, right?" she asked.

He looked at her, confused now. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Being addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol, or anything isn't about the substance or act," she explained.

"What is it about then?" he asked quietly.

"It's about the hole in your life and how you try to fill it. Alcohol makes you feel good in the moment and so does drugs. Be honest with me, okay? Sex really isn't about the intimacy to you, is it?" she asked.

He was quiet for a moment as if he were thinking about it now. "Before it wasn't. It was just to make me experience that euphoric feeling, which was normally a result of…how I was feeling," he said sadly.

"See? You can become addicted to _anything_ that makes you feel good. And because of your past, sex came into the picture because you didn't experience love."

"It didn't always feel like I was loved when I had sex…but I guess I thought that when I first decided to have sex for the first time. But then, I lost track of that because of how good it felt. I felt so in control of my life and happiness **;** that _I_ , Li Syaoran, lesser than anyone else, could make another person feel that great. Seeing a woman experience such great pleasure gave me pleasure, knowing I could make someone so happy. Even if it was with sex, I still made another happy. And, knowing I had that much control over happiness, made me feel secure— _happy_ —that I could do that," he explained while staring blankly at the floor.

"You're speaking in past tense," Sakura said quietly. "Why?"

"Because…when _we_ have sex, it doesn't feel like that anymore. I don't know what it feels like, but it doesn't feel like I'm doing it anymore to feel like I have control," he said.

Sakura smiled a little. "That's good."

"How? When I don't understand how it makes me feel now," he said sadly.

"Does it feel bad?" she asked.

He shook his head, no. "No, it makes me feel…" He sighed. "I don't know. I'm sure it's a positive feeling, though."

"Well, let's give that thought time before you discover how it makes you feel," she said.

He nodded, looking deep in thought as a comfortable silence settled between them.

"Can I ask a question?" he asked after a while.

"Of course. Anything you want," she encouraged.

She wanted him to always feel this comfortable and at ease around her.

"When is it alright to say that I'm healed from this? And, when is the right time to get in a relationship?" he asked.

Sakura smiled, already knowing what he was thinking about. "Akiho-san covered most of it," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"When you're active and involved in a recovery group and don't mind being in support groups."

When Syaoran stared at her, she knew that he wanted her to elaborate and explain more.

"You become more aware of your own feelings and you're able _and_ willing to talk about them to others, so that's why. You learn how to go to others when you're having a difficult time with your feelings or cravings and you can acknowledge the problem and want to fix it, too," she explained.

"Relationship?"

"And, for the relationship question…I guess it's when you want a relationship to add value in your life, rather than it being out of desperation to have love from another," she said.

Syaoran was quiet for a moment, as if he were thinking again, which annoyed Sakura slightly.

"It's all about self-love, Syaoran," she said after he still did not respond after a while.

"Self…love?" he questioned.

Sakura nodded. "Yes. With most addicts, or all, it's about the worth a person feels for themselves. Having sex with so many people and not thinking about your own health or the results of your compulsive and risky behaviors show how little respect a person have for themselves. And then, a person who doesn't want to feel like they're anything, and like they have no worth, tends to turn to others who are willing to make them feel like they are something, which is sex, for you."

"Oh…" he said, appearing deep in thought again.

 _Just kill me now…_

"This is why…" She did not know if it would be alright to say anything about this, but she felt the need to for some reason. "I can't help but feel that this feeling of self-love that you lack stems from the lack of love the woman who gave birth to you, gave you, so you unconsciously try to get it from others…" she said.

When he did not say anything, Sakura knew that this was a subject he did not want to touch on right now.

"It's just something you should dig deep and think about," she said.

He sighed softly, standing from the seat. "Thank you, Sakura…for everything, but I have to get back to the hospital," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

Sakura nodded, not wanting to push her luck with him today, as her cheeks warmed at the kind gesture. "Alright. I'll see you next week on Tuesday at our regular time," she said.

Instead of retreating immediately, he kissed her lips softly, and then offered her a small smile, nodding. "Okay. I-I'll…call you later, I guess," he said, moving towards the door.

She nodded, waving goodbye before he walked out the door, closing it behind him.

For some reason, she was looking forward to seeing him on Tuesday, knowing that he would talk about his past more.

* * *

Sakura slid the shoes on her feet, while rushing to pick up her ringing phone. She had planned to go out with the girls tonight, like old times.

It had been a while since they had all gone out together and enjoyed one another. The guys would always tag along.

"Moshi, moshi?" she answered the phone.

 _"Are you ready yet? We're out here,"_ Tomoyo said into the phone.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Sakura spoke into the phone, distractedly.

She rushed to the living room and grabbed her purse before rushing out of the apartment. A grin spread across her face as she saw Tomoyo's car parked next to hers.

She felt excited, especially because she knew that they would do their normal ritual when having a girl's weekend; karaoke, makeup, dress-up, and drinking games that would make them do outrageous things.

It had been a long time since they did that, so she was happy when Tomoyo called, telling her about the plan.

"Glad to see you're still alive," Tomoyo said, smiling at Sakura as she slid in the back seat with her.

Sakura giggled, greeting Tomoyo's drivers before turning to Tomoyo. "I'm sorry. You know I can be a little slow sometimes," Sakura said sheepishly.

Tomoyo shook her head, good-naturedly as she smiled. "You're fine. We have to go and get Chi, Naoko, and Rika-chan. Oh, and remember about the friend I was telling you I wanted you to meet?" Tomoyo asked.

Sakura looked thoughtful for a moment, trying to remember the conversation her and Tomoyo had.

She was so busy these days, talking to so many people at once, that it was hard to keep up sometimes.

"The one from Hong Kong?" Sakura asked after remembering their conversation.

"Yes! I invited her out with us tonight since she's been here by herself for the past few days. I think you guys would get along great," Tomoyo said excitedly.

Seeing Tomoyo so excited and happy about them meeting made Sakura excited to meet this person Tomoyo was mentioning.

"That's great. There's no such thing as meeting too many people, right?" Sakura said.

Tomoyo nodded enthusiastically, and then gave the instructions to the driver about the location of the other women's house.

This gave Sakura time to think about the new person Tomoyo had mentioned coming out with them tonight.

Syaoran's cousin, Meilin, had also come down from Hong Kong a week ago.

She could not help but wonder if the two from Hong Kong came down together, and what was so special going on in town that everyone was coming here?

Syaoran's sisters also came, so it must have been something special.

"Are you okay, Sakura?" Tomoyo asked, snapping Sakura out of her thoughts.

Sakura turned to her with a smile on her face. "Of course. What is it?"

"You looked deep in thought about something important, is all. Everything alright with you?" Tomoyo asked, sounding concerned about her.

A wide grin spread across Sakura's face, to reassure her best friend that she was alright. "I'm fine. Just thinking about one of my patients," she said.

"Ah-ah-ah, no work tonight, okay? You're partially the reason I planned this girl's night. You need a break every once in a while, away from the world of people who place their problems on you," Tomoyo said gently.

Sakura rested her hand on top of Tomoyo's to show her appreciation. "Thank you, Tomoyo. And they don't place their problems on me," she said the last part teasingly.

"With you, yes, they do. You wear your heart on your sleeves when it comes to listening and helping people," Tomoyo replied.

Sakura silently agreed, knowing that she could not argue with her about this. Sometimes, it even irritated her.

She could not help but wonder why she had to be such a caring person sometimes.

"You're right. No patients or work tonight."

Tomoyo turned her hands over to grab Sakura's, squeezing it gently. "Thank you. You make me worry sometimes."

"I'm sorry," Sakura apologized.

Tomoyo shook her head as if to tell her not to. "Don't apologize. What you can do is tell me how things are going with you and the mystery man," Tomoyo said, suggestively.

Sakura could feel her cheeks growing hot at the mention of Syaoran. Or, the mystery man.

And then, she remembered. She had not even told Tomoyo about who it was.

Suddenly, she felt guilty for holding this back from her. It was one thing to keep it from Akinari, but Tomoyo was a different story.

Her and Tomoyo had been best friends since elementary school and they always tell each other everything, including confidential information.

Telling Tomoyo would not hurt...right?

 _Of course not._

With that thought in mind, Sakura turned to Tomoyo with a serious look on her face. She was determined.

"When I tell you this, you can't mention it to anyone, okay? Including Eriol," Sakura said.

Tomoyo pressed the button to close the passenger side out. She turned to Sakura with a kind smile on her face. "Of course," she said softly.

Sakura smiled at her nervously. "The person I've been seeing...is Syaoran," Sakura told her timidly.

The look on Tomoyo's face did not falter, making her wonder what she was thinking about it.

"T-Tomoyo—"

"Li-kun?" she asked softly.

Sakura nodded slowly, letting her eyes drift from hers.

"What's so bad about him that you would want to keep it a secret?" she asked.

Sakura paused, remembering that Tomoyo did not know about his condition.

"Wait, he's dealing with something mentally, isn't he?" she asked. "I remember you telling me that the guy had issues that he couldn't fix on his own."

Sakura nodded slowly. "Partially..."

"Is he a good person now?" she asked.

"Now?" Sakura questioned.

"Years ago, there were rumors about him hanging around prostitution homes and leaving with a different woman every night. People even went as far to say that he was a hypocrite for teaching health when he does not care about his own," Tomoyo said softly. "I haven't heard anything in years, though."

Sakura remained quiet now, not surprised that people had actually caught up his behavior in past. This was one of the reasons she could not bring herself to fully trust him.

"It's complicated," Sakura decided to settle with.

She could not tell Tomoyo yet that he was her patient. And, telling her if he was good now would lead to other questions asked that she may not be able to answer yet.

"I see. Well, I trust that you would do what's best for you," Tomoyo said encouragingly with a kind smile on her face.

Sakura stared at her, feeling the back of her eyes burn with tears at her best friend's choice of words. "Thank you..." she said quietly.

Tomoyo leaned over, hugging her tightly. "Just remember that your well-being comes first," she whispered in her ear.

Sakura hugged her back, nodding her head against her. "I know."

"Now, dry your face. The car has stopped, which means that we're at Chi's house," Tomoyo said.

Sakura smiled, wiping her face gently to not smear any makeup.

Sure enough, Chiharu, Rika, and Naoko were in the car with them seconds later.

In no time, they were engaging in conversation about everything they would do as if Sakura and Tomoyo never had a serious conversation before they got there.

Once they pulled up to the club, Tomoyo thanked her drivers before they left, leaving the girls alone.

"First shots on me," Chiharu said, grinning.

"You did pump before, right?" Tomoyo asked Chiharu.

Chiharu chuckled, nodding her head. "What kind of mother do you think I am? Yamazaki would personally bury me alive and come up with a lie to everyone about how I disappeared into space or something," Chiharu said, rolling her eyes.

Everyone laughed as they walked toward the entrance.

"Hey, did Meilin say what time she would show up here?"

 _Meilin?_

"Yeah, she should be about—"

"Oi!"

Sakura's head was the first to turn towards the familiar voice.

 _Please let this be a nightmare..._

* * *

 **A/N: Another chapter out within a few days, as promised! Of course, because of my awesome beta, theDeviantme! And, thanks to you guys for all the love and support! I know I didn't respond to any reviews, but that's because I've been trying to get all my financial issues with school and living arrangements straight before the next semester start. However, I'll get around to it because I read them all through my email.**

 **I hope you guys did enjoy this chapter :).**

 **Ja ne!**


	26. Secrets Don't Make Friends

**"Secrets Don't Make Friends"**

* * *

Sakura stared at the ceiling in the dark room. She had been staring at it for the last two hours, wishing that sleep would smack her in the face, or anything, other than the ceiling.

Everyone was fast asleep, long before she had even lain in bed.

After Tomoyo introduced Meilin to Sakura, they had gone inside the club, drank, danced, and had a great time.

After the club, they had gone to karaoke, and then back to Tomoyo's house. They had all been drunk, with the exception of Sakura, who tried to stay sober, for everyone's sake.

Normally, she would get drunk with them, but she could not bring herself to do it with Meilin there. She barely knew much about the woman, so she was afraid that she might say the wrong thing and slip up around her.

She was glad that Meilin did not say anything about Syaoran or the incident back at his apartment when they first met, to her or any of them. And honestly, she was hoping that Meilin kept it that way, because they still had the rest of the weekend to spend together.

She had just told Tomoyo about Syaoran and did not want Meilin to tell her friends anything else about it. It was one thing to tell Tomoyo about the man who was once known for sleeping around with multiple women, but to tell everyone she knew?

It was not something she was ready to face. Quite frankly, she did not know if she ever would be able to. Syaoran is no one to be ashamed of, but she knew that if things were to get out about them being romantically involved, everything would change in her life.

Sakura sighed, mind wandering back to the conversation when Meilin threw hints that she was still thinking about Sakura being with Syaoran.

Sakura had been acting quiet and standoffish when they had gotten back to the house as Tomoyo was doing Meilin's makeup while they talked about the men in their lives.

It was when Tomoyo asked Sakura about the color red fitting Meilin. She had forgotten to respond, which Meilin immediately noticed.

"Are you okay, Kinomoto?" Meilin had asked.

Sakura's cheeks colored before she nodded her head. "S-sorry," she had apologized. "Red fits you good."

"You were all quiet on us. Something on your mind?" Meilin had questioned.

Sakura could remember hearing the suggestion that her tone held. Instead of entertaining Meilin, she shook her head, only mentioning her thoughts about how good Tomoyo sounded during karaoke.

She had been relieved when everyone chimed in, taking the attention away from her.

Sakura sighed again, turning in the soft comforters of the bed. She just wanted to get some sleep but knew she would not be able to. She missed Syaoran, for this exact reason. Even though she had just seen him earlier after the group session, she wanted him with her. Or maybe, she just wanted him here, so she could get some sleep since that seemed to be the only time she ever could.

Deciding that tossing and turning would not get her anywhere, she sat up from her lying position on the bed. She climbed out of bed, grabbing her phone to look at the time.

 **3:57am.**

She sighed, wondering if Syaoran is awake right now. She walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. She held her hand out while walking in the dark room blindly, so she would not bump into anything.

Once she found her way to the balcony, she took her phone out, going to Syaoran's contact information. She stared at it for a minute, wondering if she was really going to call him right now.

Before she could come up with anything that could make her not do it, she pressed the call button. She placed the phone against her ear, only hearing her heart beat erratically against her chest.

The phone rang a few more times before she finally came to the assumption that he would not pick up.

What was—

 _"Hello?"_ a gruff voice sounded in the phone, nearly making her heart stop beating.

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "S-Syaoran?" she questioned.

 _"Sakura,"_ his voice immediately softened, making her heart beat again. "What are you doing up?"

She cleared her throat, hoping for it to come back. "I couldn't sleep," she said softly.

She heard shuffling on the other end. _"Is everything alright?"_ he asked worriedly.

She smiled a little, feeling that familiar fluttering sensation in her stomach. "Yes. I just...I wanted to talk to you, because I miss you," she decided to settle with.

 _"I miss you too. I could come over, if you want,"_ he suggested.

Sakura pulled the phone back from her ear to check the time. She giggled softly. "At four in the morning?" she asked.

She heard him chuckle into the phone a little. _"I'd come see you at any time, Sakura,"_ he said.

Chills ran down her spine at the tone he used. Or, maybe because it was cold out tonight. Either way, she smiled. "Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked.

 _"Because, this...beautiful woman just so happened to be talking to me on the phone,"_ she could hear him say in a teasing tone.

She rolled her eyes, though he could not see her. "I'm sorry if I woke you up," she said in a serious tone.

 _"No, I'm glad you called. I'd rather you call me than anyone else."_

Sakura smiled, shaking her head. "Of course. How are you?" she asked into the phone.

He went completely quiet on the other line, making her wonder if he had hung up.

"Syaoran?" she called.

She heard him sigh and then more shuffling on the other end. _"I'm fine,"_ he said quietly.

She could hear the sadness in his tone with that response.

 _"I'll **be** fine,"_ he said after she did not say anything.

Sakura smiled, glad that he was able to reassure himself now, rather than her having to do it all the time. "Good."

 _"What are you doing tomorrow?"_ he asked.

"I'll be here with the girls still. We might be going to the mall," Sakura said.

 _"Oh,"_ he said, sounding disappointed.

"What about you? You're going to work?" she asked.

 _"Yeah. I have a lot to do at the hospital,"_ he said.

Sakura wondered if she should tell him about Meilin being there with them but decided it would be best not to.

"Alright. I'll let you get to bed then," Sakura said, deciding to end the conversation.

 _"I can still talk to you, though,"_ he said.

She smiled, hearing the concern in his voice. "No, it's fine. I'm going to head to bed, too."

 _"Are you sure?"_ he asked.

"Thank you, Syaoran. You're very kind, but I'm sure," she said.

 _"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow,"_ he said.

"Have a good night's rest," she said.

 _"You too,"_ he said before hanging up the phone.

Sakura sighed, staring at his contact information.

She could not help but wish that she could sneak off from the girls and head to his house, so she could get some good sleep.

It had been a long time since she slept with a person beside her in the bed before she met Syaoran.

Before he came into the picture, she could not even think about sleeping in the bed with someone else.

After the incident – _the_ _mistake_ – everything changed for her. She had been a walking zombie on this Earth.

Akinari had nursed her back to life, but she had never been the same as she was before until she met Syaoran. He gave her the inspiration to bring life back to herself because she wanted to give it to him.

Sakura sighed, deciding to try and get some sleep. She turned around, but froze in her spot, seeing Meilin standing at the entrance of the house from the balcony.

Immediately, thousands of questions started running through her head, but there was only one that stuck in the front of her mind; had Meilin heard her talking to Syaoran?

Sakura just stared at her, not wanting to humiliate herself in front of the Chinese woman.

"So, it really is a secret, huh?" Meilin said, almost sounding certain about it now.

"W-what?" Sakura asked, holding on to her phone tightly.

"You and Syaoran," she said quietly. "Your relationship really is a secret."

"We aren't in a relationship," Sakura said immediately.

"Are you that ashamed of my cousin?" she asked.

Sakura's eyes widened, surprised that Meilin had been so straightforward with her. "It's not... no, that's not what this is," Sakura tried to explain, but knew she could not come up with something to tell her.

"Kinomoto-san," Meilin called.

Sakura looked at her, wide-eyed. "I'm sorry, but this really isn't any of your business," she said, hoping to sound polite about it.

She just wanted Meilin to not mention anything about it, and to just pretend like she knew nothing about them.

She just wanted her and Syaoran's relationship to remain a secret from everyone. Everything seemed and was beginning to feel fine, with just the two of them knowing of it.

"You're right, it isn't my business, but I do try to make it my business to know that my cousin is safe from any harm's way. I know that he and I don't talk much, because he doesn't allow it, but I'm at least satisfied, knowing that he's not hurting in any way," Meilin said.

Sakura's heart twisted in her chest, hearing the concern in Meilin's voice. But, what Meilin was wishing for was just a fantasy. Syaoran was always hurting these days.

"I would never hurt Syaoran," Sakura said softly, instead of letting her know what is really going on.

"I know…but, he's hurting anyway…right?" Meilin asked quietly.

Sakura stared at her, wondering if she should mention any information about Syaoran to his cousin before realizing what she was doing.

She shook her head. "As his therapist, that's confidential information," she said professionally.

Meilin nodded. "You know…I didn't peg Syaoran as the type to get a therapist," she said quietly.

Unable to stop herself, Sakura asked, "Why?"

"If you're really asking me that, you must not truly know how he is," she said with a soft laugh.

Sakura thought about Syaoran for a moment before she agreed with Meilin. "You're right."

"He's very similar to his mother," Meilin said.

Sakura froze, surprised that she had just brought up the woman Syaoran hate. She suddenly wanted to keep talking to Meilin, but at the same time, she did not want to continue the conversation. It was wrong.

Even though she knew that, she found herself brushing the thought to the side, reasoning that it would just be small conversation to pass time.

"How so?"

Meilin laughed softly, walking further out on the balcony, closing the door behind her. "Here," Meilin said, handing a small blanket to her.

Sakura accepted it, wondering how long Meilin had that blanket in her hand. She wrapped it around herself, sitting in one of the chairs.

Meilin sat down in the other chair beside hers. "My Auntie's very stiff, stubborn, and stern most times, like Syaoran can be. She's very quiet, but vocal when she needs to be, just like Syaoran. You can tell they are mother and son."

Sakura nodded, remembering how quiet Syaoran always is when they are in groups. The only time he ever really opened up and talked with her freely was when they were alone.

"That's true."

"How long have you guys known each other?" Meilin asked.

"A couple of months."

"Kinomoto, you don't have to be so short and quiet with me. I told you I wouldn't tell anyone about you guys," Meilin said.

"I know, I just…—"

"Don't feel comfortable, I know. And, I'm not trying to get you to spill any secrets about my cousin, if that's what you're think."

Sakura raised a brow. "Then, what are you trying to do?" she asked skeptically.

"Find out if my cousin's _really_ okay," she said.

"Why wouldn't he be okay?" Sakura decided to ask, just so she could get an insight on what the others thought.

She knew how Syaoran felt about them, and what he thought, but she knew nothing about them.

"He doesn't care too much about Hong Kong anymore. And, he just…up and left without saying anything. He got in this huge argument with my uncle, and things ended ugly between them. Ever since then, he never came back to Hong Kong," Meilin said.

It was on the tip of Sakura's tongue to ask her what the argument was about, but knew it was not her place to ask. Especially anyone, other than Syaoran.

This was Syaoran's business, and no one else's. Therefore, she had no right to ask anyone about his business, other than Syaoran, himself.

"I see," Sakura said.

"I talk to Auntie–his mother– all the time about him, but she acts very distant and short when he comes up. And, for some reason, I know not to bring her up with Syaoran. He'll talk about his father, _if_ we talk, but it never gets any further than how his father's doing," she said sadly.

"Why didn't you come to visit until now?" Sakura asked quietly.

"Never had a _real_ reason, as he likes to put it, until now. Syaoran has always come up with these excuses why he can't come for Christmas, big family dinners, or any other holiday. He always has excuses why we can't come here either. If it's not because he's busy, it's because he's not in the greatest condition, and the list goes on."

"I see," Sakura said, pulling the blanket around herself tighter to get warmth. "Were you guys close in the past?"

Meilin's face brightened. "I wouldn't say close, but Syaoran kind of was like a protector. I wouldn't say it was a personal thing, though, because he was always protective of his family. That's why it's hard to deal with his cold demeanor towards us now," she said.

"His sisters are down, I heard," Sakura stated, trying to skirt the situation away from his demeanor towards them all.

"They are. And, I know he may think that it's because of me, but it isn't. Uncle has recently been sick, and though we all know that it's a dangerous sickness, he can be healed from it. Fuutie and the others just believed that it would be something that could bring Syaoran back home to visit everyone, finally. Everyone misses him, including auntie," Meilin said.

Sakura hated to butt into people's business and get involved. But, she knew that it was time to take things into her own hands.

If she would not push Syaoran as far as he could go, he would never get better. He would never find peace within himself, _and_ his family. He would never be able to live his life to the fullest happiness.

He had said that he wanted to get better…to finally be healed of this sickness.

And she wanted this for him, more than she had ever wanted anything in her life, oddly.

"Meilin-san," she called, getting Meilin's attention. "Are his sisters staying with you?"

"Yes, they are. They just arrived today," she said.

"We should all go out one day for lunch, while you're all here," Sakura suggested with a kind, inviting smile on her face.

Meilin turned to her, eyes widened in shock at Sakura's invitation. "Really, Kinomoto-san?" Meilin asked, one of her brows arched in curiosity.

"Yes. As a woman who is interested in being with your cousin…and their brother, I think you all have the right to get to know me," she said.

She has _never_ done anything like this before, so she felt out of place.

 _It's for his happiness, though…_

It was not necessarily a lie, either. She did, in fact, want to be with Syaoran.

He made her happy, and she saw that he _could_ make a great significant other, if it were not for his issues. He made her feel so many things that she had missed, and more. She just knew that he was not ready for a relationship yet, and nor was she.

And, there were too many other issues that _really_ stops her from being with him, but they do not matter right now.

She just wanted to focus on the plan of having a lunch date with the girls.

A bright smile formed on Meilin's face and she nodded. "Of course! You don't know how much that would mean to all of us," she said happily.

She just wanted Syaoran to get better; to be _happy_.

And, she would make sure he does, at any cost.

* * *

Syaoran collapsed on his bed, burying his face in the soft pillows. He was exhausted from the day's work.

The hospital had been busy today, so he had clocked out later than normal. But now, he was home, in bed.

 _Alone_.

He sighed, feeling this deep sadness wash over him at that thought. For some reason, the thought of coming home to no one was beginning to become a burden on his heart.

Perhaps it was because Sakura had spoiled him by staying those nights with him. Now, he wanted her here all the time, even when he was not here.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was a little past twelve. He wondered if Sakura was awake right now. Usually, she would be awake this late when he called her at night sometimes.

It was Monday, which meant that she may be sleeping already because she has a long day ahead of her. Especially since he would be one of her patients.

His heart sped up at that thought, remembering what he told her on Friday night after the group session. He meant every word he told her about feeling better whenever he talked about his past and the way he felt about it. But now, he was not sure how to go about telling her more about his past.

She had caught him off guard by telling him that the lack of love that woman had given him, made him want to get some form of love from others.

He did not like to think of it that way, because it made him feel like a weak man.

Weakness has never been used to relate to his character because he had done so much already that most people have not been able to.

He had taken care of himself from the age of three all the way up to the age he is now. He has _never_ been taken care of by anyone before, because he always does the taking care of others.

He took care of himself, his sisters, when they were sick or in danger, and even the woman who gave birth to him.

He cleaned, cooked, fed her with his _own_ hands, and even washed her body on days when she could not even move because of her state of mind.

There were even countless of days where she would sit in her own mess, and he would have to clean her and attempt to nourish her back to life.

Even during her attempted suicides in front of him, he would take care of her; talk her out of doing it. There was even a time where he had to save her because of something reckless she had purposely done to end her life.

He gave her love that she should have given him.

So, weak was the last thing he ever want to consider himself as. He is strong. Possibly one of the strongest people anyone could ever meet.

He sighed, sitting up on the bed to look for his phone on the nightstand. He hated when he thinks about these things, but it is what it is. There is nothing he could do about it, besides talking to Sakura about the way he feels about them.

He was slowly realizing that that is all he needed to do, to feel a little better.

He pressed Sakura's contact information, sending her a quick text, asking if she was awake. They had talked on the phone briefly last night, but she had to go soon because she had to get ready for her patients today.

As soon as his phone lit up in the dark room, he looked down at his phone immediately.

 **'I'm going to come over.'**

He read the message over and over again, trying to make sure that Sakura had just sent him the text.

Before he could even get his thoughts together, his phone went off again.

 **'If that's okay with you, of course…'**

He was quick to respond to the message with a **'Of course, you're always welcomed here. Since it is late, you should stay the night too.'**

Syaoran took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart down from the excitement coursing through his body.

He had just seen her a few days ago, so why did it feel like he would be seeing her for the first time in a long time?

He could not help but reason that it was because a day without Sakura feels like an eternity.

Syaoran hopped off his bed, began to straighten up his room, not wanting anything to look out of place.

Immediately, he stopped, realizing how ridiculous he is being right now. His room was not even messy.

 _What the **actual** hell is wrong with me?_

He sighed, deciding to head to the living room to wait for her there with his phone in his hand.

It was not too long before his door bell went off, signifying someone ringing it. He was quick to rush to the door and unlock it for her.

There was a small bag in her hand, so he took it from her and ushered her to come inside.

"I hope this is okay," she said softly.

He placed her bag on the couch and turned to her with a reassuring smile on his lips. "You don't know how much this means to me," he said shyly.

He walked over to her, and wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her close to him. He released a silent, relieved sigh when she relaxed in his arms and wrapped her own around him.

Once he let her go, he locked the door and led her to his room with his hand on the small of her back gently.

Since she walked ahead of him, he looked at her appearance, seeing her dressed in a stripped pajama set. A small smile crept to his lips and a blush to his cheeks, admiring how she could even look attractive in this.

"Is everything alright?" he asked once they settled into his room.

Sakura turned to him with an unreadable expression on her face.

His brows scrunched together in confusion. "Saku—"

Her lips cut him off gently as she stood on her tiptoes to reach him.

His body untensed, and he leaned down to kiss her lips back gently.

She smiled against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him closer when his tongue swiped across her lips.

She opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to explore as it always does when they kiss.

He pulled her body to his, wanting to feel her soft body pressed against his more.

How long _had_ it been since they had sex? He was not even sure himself.

When one of her legs slid up the side of his body, he regretfully pulled his lips from hers with a smile on his own.

"Let's talk first," he said, kissing her nose teasingly.

She pouted, making him lean down to kiss her pouting lips, while leading her over to his bed, being sure that their lips stayed connected.

They landed on the bed together, Syaoran keeping his weight off her, but still on top, straddling her body.

He pulled their lips apart and then laid on the bed beside her. "Why the sudden visit? I missed you," he said, turning over to her so he could look her directly in the eyes.

"That's why," she said, staring into his eyes. "I missed you too."

His cheeks warmed, and he nuzzled her neck lovingly, hoping to distract his heart from jumping out of his chest. "You never just decide to come over, though," he reasoned, leaving soft kisses on her neck.

She hummed, placing her hands on his face, stopping him from kissing her. "Well, I sleep more and better when I'm with you," she said.

He was almost sure his heart would burst in happiness at hearing the _honesty_ in her voice. She was _always_ so honest with him that it made him like her even more.

"I'll always be here for you then," he said, wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her body towards him.

"Thank you," she said with a smile on her lips.

Because her smile was so contagious, he smiled too, leaning over to kiss her lips gently.

"What are you still doing up, anyway? I didn't think that you would actually be awake, considering we have a session in the morning, young man," she playfully chastised.

He chuckled softly. "I had actually just walked in and lain down, but I was thinking about you," he said the last part timidly.

"You worked late today?" she asked, sounding concerned for him.

"Yes, I had to do a double-shift, but I'm fine," he said the last part immediately. "I wanted to."

"Didn't I warn you about overdoing it? That's not healthy for your physical or mental health," she said in a disapproving tone, but he could hear the worry behind her statement.

"I'm sorry, you're right," he said, kissing her nose. "I'll try to do better. As soon as this trial starts, I don't know, though."

"Trial?" Sakura questioned.

At that question, Syaoran remembered that he had not mentioned anything to Sakura about the whole thing, so he proceeded to explain everything that was about to take place.

"I know exactly who Mr. Reed is," she said when he asked her about the man. "My father and him are good friends. They met at the university my father works at now."

"Oh, really? He's throwing this big gathering, but it's really a charity banquet for the hospital with the trial. There's going to be a lot of people flying across the country coming to it, so it's really important to me," Syaoran explained.

Syaoran thought about it for a while, wondering if it would be appropriate to invite her before he decided it would be.

"You know, you're welcome to come too…" he said quietly.

When she just stared him in the eyes, his cheeks warmed, and he looked away shyly.

"Actually, I wanted you to come as my date, but I didn't know how you would feel about it, considering you didn't want people to start talking…"

Sakura held on to him tighter before a smile played on her lips. "When is it?" she asked.

"The 22nd," he said.

Her face dropped for a moment. "Of December?" she asked.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Of course, silly. It can't be November, considering that's gone, and the trial starts before the 22nd of January," he explained.

She hummed. "I'd really love to come, but I promised a dear friend to attend a Christmas event on that same day," she said apologetically.

"Oh," he said, not even caring that disappointment could be heard in his tone.

She slid her arms up until her fingers rested on his face gently. "I'm sorry. I really want to be there to support you," she said sincerely.

He nodded, feeling a sting of jealousy at the person who beat him to asking her to an event. He trusted her with all his heart, but he still hated the idea of her not being his only. He never liked to share, so he could not help but feel possessive of her right now.

"Who is it?" he asked without thinking.

"What?" she asked, confused.

He could hear the discomfort in her tone, almost telling him that she did not want to argue or anything tonight. He sighed, shaking his head. "It's nothing. Never mind," he said, getting ready to sit up from the bed, but she grabbed his hair gently, stopping him.

"Syaoran," she called softly.

"It's fine, Sakura, really," he said, despite his heart clenching in his chest at her not being there for him.

"I'll drop by the event, okay?" she said, making him lay back down beside her.

His heart relaxed a bit at that. "Really?" he asked.

She nodded. "Of course. I know this is something important to you, so I have to support you," she said, smiling at him.

He grinned, leaning down to kiss her lips passionately. Even though she could not come as his date, just knowing that she would come by just to support _him_ , made him happy enough.

She kissed him back, only half-way responding before she pulled back from his lips. "On one condition," she said, sounding a little breathy from the brief passionate kiss.

"Of course, anything."

"My friend will have to drop by as well," she said.

He shrugged it off, wanting to just show her how much he cared and appreciated her right now. "Okay, yeah. That's fine," he said half-heartedly.

Before she could even respond, his lips were already on hers again, tongue battling with hers as he climbed on top of her to straddle her body.

Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck again, and he easily lifted her up slightly to push her further up on the bed where the comfortable pillows were. He wanted her to be comfortable.

The lamp was still on, giving them a little light in the room, so he could not help but debate with himself if he should turn it off or not, to help her feel more comfortable.

She had not ever complained about him seeing her lie under him bare before but knew that some females liked the lights to be off.

"Are you comfortable?" he decided to ask, instead of battling with himself.

Sakura smiled at him shyly, nodding her head.

He sighed in relief before lowering his mouth to hers again to ignite that familiar passion and fire between them. His hands were in her soft auburn locks in no time, enjoying the soft texture of her hair between his fingers.

Whenever they would kiss like this, he often forgot the last time they had shared a kiss that made him feel so needy for her touch and the sounds she elicited from _his_ touch.

He let his hand slide down her body slowly before he began to slowly peel the articles of clothing off her body.

As she lay bare underneath him, he began to slowly realize how much self-control he had gained since the last time they had done this.

It was not like he ever rushed with her, but he would normally have one thing in the back of his mind the entire time; to just be inside of her.

Now, he wanted to care for her, show her how he felt with each kiss he placed on her body; each gentle caress his fingers would give her body.

He wanted her to understand how much she meant to him.

He rested his hand on one of the curves of her hips before he let it slide down until it rested between her thighs, cupping her.

He stilled when she jumped slightly under him. He looked her in the eyes, almost asking for her permission to continue. Willingly, she nodded and lifted her hips slightly towards him.

The moment his fingers slipped between her aching flesh, she cried out. Feeling encouraged by the response, he continued to stroke her core gently, while using his other hand to spread her leg open a little wider for him.

Hearing these sounds alone was enough for him to feel satiated, but he wanted to express himself so much more with his actions.

His fingers continued to pleasure her until he sent her over the edge with the gentle and thorough strokes.

When she came down from her high, he removed his own clothing from his body, and then started leaving kisses all over her body, from her head and down. He kept the kisses loving and soft, wanting her to _feel_ how much she meant to him in his kisses.

He hoped she knew how much she meant with the gentle caresses his hands gave her breast, stomach, her back, legs, and anything his fingers could reach.

He came back up to devour her mouth with his own once more before he pulled back to look her in the eyes after he was sure she ached for him. "Are you ready?" he asked softly.

Sakura stared in his eyes with a blush on her cheeks. "Yes," she said breathily.

Syaoran leaned down and kissed her lips, positioning himself over her entrance. He pressed his hardness against her core, reminding her what's to come.

"Sakura," he called, looking in her eyes.

As if she knew what he was asking through his eyes, she wrapped her arms around his body, encouraging him to continue what he knew she craved in this moment.

He slowly pushed his weight into her, burying himself deep inside her. They both released a sound together, remaining still. Syaoran did not know about her, but he was savoring the moment and feeling of being in her at a moment like this, with this feeling.

He leaned down, resting his forehead against hers so he could look in her eyes lovingly before his body began to move carefully and slowly.

They moaned together, keeping their bodies in sync with each other's as their lips found one another's again in a passionate kiss that matched their body movements.

Syaoran lost track of the amount of time they continued the slow dance, because before he knew it, Sakura had let out a loud moan, no doubts, reaching her peak. And then, he followed after her a minute later with his slow and passionate thrusts.

The only thing that could be heard was their panting as he remained slumped on top of her with half of his weight.

When he found the energy, he moved on the side of her. He reached over to the nightstand, grabbed a napkin, and then cleaned Sakura off. He cleaned himself afterwards.

It was quiet in the room, neither of them making a single sound that could put this tension in his chest at ease.

He could not explain what this was about, so instead of talking about it, he just pulled the sheets up over their bodies, snuggling closer to Sakura.

Sakura seemed to be in the same boat, but cuddled up to him immediately under the blankets, holding him.

"Good night, Sakura," he said, kissing her forehead gently.

"Goodnight," she said tiredly, eyes drifting shut.

A smile crept to his lips at seeing her sleep before him finally. He pulled her body closer to his, feeling satisfied.

For a change, it was not just because he had sex either.

* * *

Syaoran stared down at Sakura's face with one of the palm of his hands propping himself up. With the other hand, he moved his hand to her face, so he could brush the strands of auburn hair from her face.

She looked so peaceful and calm, that it made _him_ feel at peace. He was still a little surprised that she had suggested coming over and could not help but wonder what prompted her to do so.

Leaning down to kiss her soft cheek, Syaoran thought to himself, what had _really_ happened to Sakura?

She did mention that she was strangled in her sleep, but what else was there to it? Surely, something led up to her being strangled, right? Something had to have occurred before the big finale. And, what happened after that? Did she just move on and get over it, but still not trust anyone else?

Syaoran felt an unsettling feeling in his heart, thinking about the man she had once dated. He had already made up his mind that he would never have pleasant thoughts about the man but wondered if it had _really_ been him who strangled Sakura in her sleep.

Who else would strangle his angel in her sleep, besides the person she slept in bed with?

Syaoran removed his hand from her face, suddenly feeling upset that she had even lain beside another man in bed. It would have made Syaoran feel better to know that he had been the only man she had ever thought of. A little part of him wished that she had lied and told him that he was the only man but knew that she would never lie to him like that.

Sakura's heart was too good for him, sometimes.

"Are you okay?" he heard a voice, beside him, ask.

Syaoran looked down, seeing Sakura's eyes opened, staring at his face concerned. He leaned down, kissing her lips softly, while cradling her face with the palm of his hand. "Good morning, beautiful."

A blush spread across her cheeks and she smiled at him a little. Sitting up, she grabbed the blankets to cover her naked upper body. "Good morning," she said softly. "What were you thinking about?"

Shaking his head, a little, he sat up from the bed to face her. "Nothing important. I didn't wake you, did I?" he asked.

She let out a silent sigh, shaking her head. "You didn't."

Staring at her face, he smiled, admiring how she could even look so beautiful early in the morning. He could see himself waking up to this every day.

Her face faltered a bit and she turned away from him. "What is it?" she asked, looking self-conscious suddenly.

"You're just so beautiful," he stated boldly.

Blushing furiously, she lay back on the bed, so she could hide her face for him, no doubts. "Don't you have to get to work?" she asked.

He chuckled softly, patting her behind lightly before he turned over to climb out of bed. "I do. You can sleep a bit longer if you'd like," he suggested.

"Are you sure? I can leave with you this morning."

He looked at her, shaking his head immediately. "No, no, no. Please, I want you to stay here as long as you need."

She smiled at him sweetly, making his cheeks warm a bit. "Okay."

"I'll see you at the session, right?" he reminded her.

"Same time."

"Alright," he leaned down, kissing her lips briefly, "please get more sleep."

Sakura nodded. "I'll try."

He smiled before he went to the connected bathroom to shower.

As soon as he showered and got ready for work, he left for the hospital.

On his way to work, all he could think about was his sisters being here, because they had still been calling his phone.

There were only so many phone calls that he could ignore, so he had decided that he would answer the phone if they called one more time.

It had only been five days since they arrived at his hospital, _harassing_ him about spending time with them.

Syaoran sighed, feeling a heavy weight on his chest at that thought. He just wished they would leave so he could get back to his normal life.

He had been feeling a lot better without anyone here, aside from Sakura. Everything had been progressing _just_ right.

Now, he had to face them, Meilin, the questions, and the list went on.

And then, another thing was added on the list just a few days ago; the Watanabe guy, who had not even tried to contact him since the session.

Sakura and everyone at the session had said that it would be a great idea if they could be accountable partners, so why had the man not tried to get in contact with him?

Syaoran was not even sure what they would have to do; what they would have to _talk_ about.

The idea of talking with another person about his urges, other than Sakura, was still unsettling for him. Sakura had said it would be a great idea, though, and he trusted her, so he had put some thought into it.

His hospital came into view, putting his thoughts to a stop. After he parked his car, he took out his phone and went to the Watanabe man's contact.

He pressed the text message, letting his fingers linger over the keypad, not knowing what to send the man.

One minute passed before he typed, **'one, but not compulsively,'** before he put his phone away.

The Watanabe guy could take it how he wanted, but Syaoran wanted to start somewhere.

* * *

 **A/N: I just got off the plane and it's super late, so I'm super tired and I have to work in a few hours. I just wanted to hurry and get the chapter out for you guys after I received the edited version back. (Thanks to thedeviantme!)**

 **I do hope you guys enjoyed it!**

 **Ja ne!**


	27. Pushing the Limits

**"Pushing the Limits"**

* * *

Syaoran looked down at his phone, staring at the text the man sent him. He could almost feel his organs twist in knots. He was certain the man would not text him back so soon, or even at all, really. So, it was a big surprise to see that he had in the end.

He read over the message one last time before switching his phone off.

"What is it? Did something happen?" Sakura asked, walking over to the couch where he is, with a cup of coffee in her hand.

He smiled a little, hearing the concern in her voice, as he shook his head. "No, I texted, uh...Watanabe," he said sheepishly.

Her face brightened up, turning to give him all her attention. His heart almost melted into mush at the feeling she caused. "How's that going? I mean, if you don't mind me asking. If you want to keep it private, then that's fine too—"

He reached over and grabbed her closest hand, wanting physical contact with her. "I have nothing to hide from you."

"O-oh—"

He switched his phone back on, handing it to her with the message still on his phone.

For a moment, it looked as if she hesitated to take it before she accepted it.

He watched her face as she read through the message. "He wants to go out for lunch one day this week?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I guess so. I'm not sure why. After he told me how many times he's given in, he just asked if we could."

"Are you going to?" she asked softly.

He looked at her worriedly, wanting to question if he should.

As if she knew, she smiled, squeezing his hand gently before handing him his phone. "That's up to you. Do you want to?"

"I... don't know what to expect, so I don't know. What do you think I should do?" He looked at her, almost telling her to tell him what to do.

She giggled, shaking her head. "I'm not making your decisions for you, mister," she said, raising a brow at him.

His eyes shifted from hers, glaring at the floor. It was not that she made him feel upset, but the whole idea of the situation did. And then, she insisted on not helping him make the decision like she normally would.

"There's something I need to tell you," she suddenly said.

He looked up immediately on hearing that. His heart tightened, unaware of what she would say, making him fully aware why he hated this relationship.

Even though she told him that he could trust her, something told him that he could not trust _this_. _Them_. The relationship they have.

He knew if he made one mistake, it could end things. Said one simple word, and she could end it all.

He was not ready for that, and quite frankly, he never would be, he realized. So, statements like this make him nervous; scared that she would end _them_.

She had all the power in this, which is something he hated.

"What is it?" he asked in a calm tone, not wanting her to suspect that he felt scared.

"I talked to Meilin."

His head jerked in her direction, eyes glaring daggers in her soul. "What? When? Where? What did she do? Tell you? Did she hurt you in any kind of way?"

He was up on his feet, ready to confront her for whatever she may have done to Sakura, until he felt soft hands on his arm.

He looked down at her, eyes immediately softening when he saw a small smile on her lips. "No, we had a pleasant conversation," she said. "Sit down."

Slowly, he sat down, keeping his eyes on hers, waiting for any kind of reaction from her.

"Tell me everything she said," he demanded.

She remained quiet for a moment, making him even more anxious than he already is.

"Sakura," he called, grabbing her hand gently.

"She...just wanted to know how you were doing," she said quietly.

"What else?"

"Nothing of importance. I didn't let her tell me much because I wanted to hear everything from you myself," she said.

He turned to her on the couch, glaring at her. "What else did she tell you, Sakura?" he asked tightly.

He knew that Meilin had said something else to her. He could feel it.

She let out a defeated sigh. "An argument occurred between you and your father...but I don't know what it was about. Let's talk about that today," she suggested in an encouraging tone.

He pulled his hand away from her, feeling himself crawl back to that hole of self-hatred.

He should have never tried to say anything to his father about _her_ and _her_ health. It was his wife, so of course his dad would get defensive when he tried telling him that she needed serious help. He just wished he had gone about it in another way, rather than going by his emotions of hatred and anger.

"Syaoran, are you with me, still?" He could hear Sakura's voice ask so distantly that he could barely hear her.

"I'm right here with you, still." She squeezed his hand, snapping him out of the yesteryears.

"I told him that _she_ needed help," he said quietly.

"Who is she?" Sakura asked so innocently that he almost looked pass her attempt at trying to get him to say her name.

"That... _woman_ ,'" he said with so much distaste.

"What's her name?"

"Sakura, we're not _doing_ that today, okay?" he told her, pulling his hand away from hers.

He loved when she touched him, but he refused to hurt her any more than he already has. Talking about his past made him a little more aggressive than normal, so he knew not to push his limits.

"Why? We've been at this for a few months now, so I think it's time for you to say her name out loud," she said.

He sighed, shaking his head. "My father got mad because...I was mad and... said some stupid things..." he said quietly. "I should've just kept my mouth shut."

"What do you mean?"

"I told him how...she treated me for all those years. How much she hated me and..." He shook his head as if he wanted to get rid of the memory. It was not possible, though. That was the last time he saw his old man.

"It was stupid of me. I don't know what I was expecting anyway. That he would come to the rescue and save me? Defend my well-being? Give her the help I tried to give her for so many years? It was dumb. It was..." He closed his eyes tightly, fists clenching. He felt a little embarrassed, thinking about what he felt at that time. "Me looking to find out if I was the victim..."

"You are the victim," Sakura said immediately.

Syaoran shook his head, not believing a word she said. He trusted Sakura, but this was one thing he knew not to believe.

"I'm not the victim, Sakura," he said, allowing anger to course through his body. "I deserved all of what she gave me."

"Syaoran—"

"I _did_ deserve it. There's nothing you can say to change my mind," he said in a finalizing tone.

"Why? Why did you deserve to be abused?"

"I—" He stopped, realizing he had never thought much about _why_ he deserved it. At times, he reasoned that no person deserved to be treated that way, but at others, he felt that _he_ did deserve it.

"Why?"

After a few moments of silence, he opened his eyes, staring in her eyes. His heart nearly shattered into pieces, seeing tears brim her eyes.

Feeling the anger and every other emotion vanish, he grabbed her face gently, wiping under her eyes with his thumbs to get rid of the tears before they could fall.

"What's wrong, baby? Don't cry," he said, cradling her face with his hands.

He pulled her over to his body, so he could offer her some kind of comfort and support to let her know that he was there for her.

She pulled back, shaking her head. "No. You don't understand how this makes me feel, knowing that you don't think you're the victim in this situation. You were _abused_ by your own _mother_ , Syaoran. A woman who carried you for nine months, made a promise to love and cherish you the moment she decided to keep you...how could you not think you're the victim?" she asked the last part so quietly that he barely heard it.

She wiped her eyes, shaking her head. "Help me understand why you aren't the victim," she said in a shaky voice.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair frustrated. "I _never_ should've been born, that's why. She should have _never_ kept me. Every day, for years, I wished that she _never_ kept me. That she got rid of me while she could. I hated living so fucking much that it hurt like hell. There wasn't a second out of 24 hours a day, that I didn't wish to be alive."

Sakura stared at him, making him look down to avoid eye contact.

" _I_ killed my brother. She didn't kill him, she didn't deserve to live through that pain. She shouldn't have had to either...I killed him. And, that's why I deserved the punishment from her. I loved that pain, Sakura. I loved it so fucking much that I would sometimes _pray_ to whoever is above, for her to give me that pain on certain days."

He took a deep breath, trying to get his breathing under control. He was angry. At what, though? He did not even know what.

"How?" Sakura asked softly.

He looked at her. "What?"

"How did you kill him?"

Syaoran stared at the floor, wondering _how_ he should answer that question. He knew the answer, but how could he tell her? She had just nearly cried, listening to him tell her that he is not a victim.

How would she react to how he killed his brother? His twin.

"Syaoran, look at me."

On cue, he looked at her, seeing a sad smile play at her lips. "I thought you trusted me."

"I do trust you. I just...I don't want you to cry or be sad. It affects me," he said in a calming tone to let her know that he is not upset with her.

"I'm sorry. It was a moment of weakness on my part. I'm not sad," she said.

He nodded, believing her, once again. "I killed him because...I was born..." he said quietly.

He looked to see her reaction, but only found that she is patiently waiting for him to continue, so he did.

"She...had a complicated birth. Her body was too weak to carry two...but she refused to get rid of one of us..." Syaoran sighed, hating this part of the story. His father had told him the story one time, but it was engraved in his brain as if he had a thousand times.

"During the delivery...only one of us could survive out of the two of us. I was the one who fought to survive...taking away what my brother could have had. I..."

He trailed off, wanting to continue but not knowing how to.

"My mom died giving birth to me."

Syaoran looked at her, seeing a sad smile on her face.

"She didn't survive because of me," she whispered.

Instantly, he shook his head. "That's not true. These kinds of things happen to women because their bodies can't take it. It's because they're weak or have some other type of condition. It happens to so many women, so you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault that your mother died, so please don't believe that," he said.

She looked at him before a smile that told him she was alright, formed on her lips. "So, the same could be said for you too."

He paused, realizing how...right she is. He was always ready to jump and encourage others not to feel a certain way about something when he never did the same for himself.

"You survived for a reason, which gave you a purpose on this earth. If you didn't deserve to be here, then I can guarantee that you wouldn't be here," she said.

He was quiet, wanting to sit in this silence and think about everything that has been said.

Sakura was right, as always.

"Where were you 15 years ago when I needed you?"

She giggled softly, shaking her head good-naturedly. "In grade school," she said.

A small smile played at his lips, hearing her smart comment. "If I had known you at 13, I wouldn't have had sex so early. I wouldn't have slept with so many women over the years." He frowned. "Why couldn't we have met earlier? I..."

"Things wouldn't have been this way if we had," she said.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because...before...I wasn't the strongest person. I mean, I wasn't weak, but I surely wouldn't have had the strength to tolerate your rude, cold-hearted behavior. I would've been scared—frightened by you. Besides, I had this huge crush on you because you were so well-known at such a young age. Didn't you go to Tomoeda?"

"Only a few years. That's how I met Yamazaki and his wife," he said. "You had a crush on me?"

He could feel his cheeks flaming hot at finding out that piece of information.

He could see a blush creep to her cheeks. "I was a kid," she tried to reason.

He smiled. "You still did, though. If I had known you existed back then, I would've had a crush on you too," he said.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Of course, because I'm of the opposite sex."

His smile immediately dropped. "I'm not like that anymore, Sakura. I haven't had sex with anyone other than you since we started. I haven't even thought about it," he said.

She giggled. "I never said you did."

Syaoran sighed in relief. "Good. And I won't, okay? It's just you."

"H-how did we stray away from therapy, anyway?" she asked, drastically changing the subject.

He frowned, hating how she always changed the subject about them being exclusive.

"Are we exclusive?"

Sakura turned to him immediately. "What?"

"Are we. Exclusive?" he asked again.

"As in…—"

"As in, you don't fuck anyone else, and I don't either," he said bluntly.

He hated when she played dumb with him.

"I told you that I don't _just_ sleep with anyone," she reasoned.

"So then, yes we are," he concluded.

"I..."

"Damn it, Sakura. Would you fuck anyone else, besides me, right now?"

"Of course not. And stop using that word," she said, lowering her voice at the end.

"So, we're exclusive," he finalized.

"Yes, but we aren't going to talk about this anymore," she said.

"Okay. As long as it's out there, that's all that matters," he said.

"Now let's get back on to topic."

"Therapy..." he trailed off.

"Yes. That should be our main focus when we come here, okay?"

Syaoran sighed. "I know, but you come along with that too. You have this huge impact on my life that the focus is on you too, now," he said.

"I understand. I want to focus on _you_ , though. You only. Nothing else matters in these minutes of therapy besides you and your emotions. It's all about you," Sakura repeatedly reminded him.

Syaoran stared at her for a moment, feeling his heart tighten in his chest. "Okay," he said, not understanding this feeling.

He felt cared for, but at the same time, conflicted about her wanting to focus so much on him.

He never really had anyone care about him so much that they were willing to make everything about him. This all felt new to him and he did not really like new.

"Can we take a step forward today?" she asked, giving him an encouraging smile.

"H-how?" he stuttered.

"By saying her name."

Syaoran swallowed, and then opened his mouth, wanting to do this for Sakura, and most importantly, himself. How could he take a step forward when he kept falling two steps back, though?

"Yel..."

He stopped, deciding to take the conversation in another direction. "Sometimes at night, I think about what life could have been like to have a mother. A _real_ mother. I don't mean this in a way to make you feel...offended since you didn't have a mother. I just mean..."

Sakura grabbed his hand, pulling it over into her lap. "I know. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I told you this is all about you. Don't think about the way I'd feel or anything, okay? Just show me...you."

Syaoran looked at her and felt his eyes watering at her sincerity. Turning his hand over to hold hers, he made a conscious decision to tell her everything.

"She was sad..." He shook his head, no, as if he remembered something else. "No, she was depressed. Lifeless..." He trailed off, staring at their joined hands.

"Is it sad or depressed? I know a lot of people confuse the two together but there is a difference," Sakura explained.

"No, she was...or is, depressed. She wasn't sad because of one thing or event that occurred, you know? Depression typically is a long-lasting feeling and not about just one thing, right? I mean, she may have started feeling that way because of one thing, but it was more of a trigger. A trigger to all her problems that...I just happened to have the bad end of." He stopped, thinking about why she had been triggered.

"When did everything start? The abuse...the feelings of hatred? Everything."

He let out a short, humorless laugh. "Ever since I can remember. I can't remember a time where she was genuinely...sincere. She never...fed me, cleaned me...or any of that. I just...hate that I feel this way. Talking and complaining about my past makes me feel like I'm still a child. A child who's whining and complaining about life and—"

"Syaoran. Abuse is **NOT** life, okay? I want you to get that in your head. That is **NOT** something normal. That is **NOT** something that should be accepted, no matter who you are, what age you are, or what you've done. No one should have to accept that," Sakura said sternly.

"Why? Why do you feel so strongly about this, Sakura?" he suddenly asked, after picking up on her extremely defensive nature when it came to this topic.

Of course, it is only natural for a person to be against abuse. But, there was something about her entire demeanor that changed. It may have been the tone of her voice. Or even the way she looked, talking about it. Her reaction was not normal.

"Sakura," he demanded after she remained silent. He just wished he could force answers out of her sometimes.

"Did—"

"I've been in a situation where I accepted...no, I willingly accepted something so cruel with opened-arms," she said quietly.

Syaoran froze, feeling horrified, sad, angry, curious—all at once.

"W-what?"

"We call them codependent relationships," she whispered, pulling her hand back from his.

He wanted to pull her over to him and hold her like nothing else matters in this world but her.

"Don't look at me with such sympathy in your eyes. I was not a victim in a sense of me not being able to get out of the situation. I'm not innocent," she said.

"What do you mean? How the hell can you sit here and tell me that **I'm** a victim and didn't deserve any of what was given to me, while you did? Don't be that fucking hypocritical psychologist that I hate because I know you're not like that. Don't—"

"Stop it! I never said I deserved any of that. No one deserves abuse no matter what they've done. The problem was that **I** supported my partner with his problems—I enabled him and his problems to help him, or what I assumed was helping him. There's no innocence in that, so don't do that to me. Don't—"

"Is this the reason you don't want to...try anything with me? That you're ashamed of me because you think the same thing will happen again? That—"

"Damn it, no, Syaoran. Just stop it. We can't talk about that right now. This is therapy time. Not our personal problems. Not—"

Syaoran grabbed the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her locks and pulled her face towards his in a hard kiss.

She struggled against him for a split second before she decided to respond in a vicious manner, bruising his lips.

He used his other hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks that had been freely falling since she mentioned how she enabled her partner. He pulled her closer to him by her head, reaching down with his other hand to grab his wallet from his pocket. He untangled their tongues and pulled away from her.

Staring at her panting, blushing face, he took out a large sum of money. He threw it on the table carelessly before turning back to her.

"Our session time is up. It's been over almost 20 minutes ago. This is just me and you talking now. Man and woman talking; not patient and therapist. Just us," he said sternly.

Her eyes widened as the lust slowly disappeared from them.

"Now, answer my fucking question," he said, staring at her hard. "Do you not want to do this... _us_ , because you're afraid that we'll slip into a codependent relationship?"

She shook her head slowly as tears began to well in her eyes again. "No, that's not what this is about. You're my patient—"

"Bullshit. We can stop this therapist and patient relationship right now, wait a few months to a couple of years and get together. Matter of fact, you could tear my charts up right now, deleting any evidence of me being your patient because I haven't used any type of insurance or funds from this country. So, _this_ is about that," he said.

"No, it's not. You don't understand—"

"Help me understand, then!" he yelled. "Are you just toying with my emotions? Knowing I feel this way about you, but—"

"Let's stop seeing each other, then! We don't have to do this anymore. You could get another therapist to help you. I like you and want to help you, Syaoran, but we can't continue this if—"

Syaoran grabbed her hand immediately, stopping her from talking. "No. You're just talking out of your emotions right now—you said to not do this, so the same applies to you. We can have this conversation at another time when you're not feeling this riled up, if that makes you feel any better."

"I..."

"I'll leave now, Sakura and—"

He stopped, shocked to hear quiet laughter coming from her direction. He looked at her, surprised to still see tears in her eyes, but a smile on her lips as she tried to hold back her laughter.

 _Has she lost her mind?_

"Are you—"

"We're fighting like a married old couple," she said between laughter.

A smile slowly crept to Syaoran's lips, realizing how right she is. "I... heh..." He scratched the back of his head nervously as he chuckled. "You're right. I'm sorry."

He leaned over and kissed her lips apologetically, chuckling when she laughed against his lips.

"No, I'm sorry for taking my emotions out on you like that. You didn't deserve it. I just...This is a part of my past that I haven't shared with a lot of people. I mean, Aki and Tomoyo know a bit of it, but—"

"Akinari?" he questioned, feeling triggered by that name.

"I told you...he was my therapist. Well, he still is," she explained.

"Why? Can't you just come to me and talk?" he asked, looking at her pleadingly.

"It's so much more than just talking, Syaoran. You should know that by now," she said, giving him a pointed look.

He sighed, nodding his head. "Okay... but, I still..."

"I know. Let's call an end to this conversation too, okay? You still have a long day ahead of you and we don't want to ruin it," Sakura suggested, making him silently agree.

What good would come out of him being riled up by something he could not change?

"You're right. I should be heading back to the hospital, anyway. When are..." He sighed after trailing off. "When can I see you again?" He grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips. "And not as your patient."

A blush spread across her face. "Well... I'm going to meet up with Meilin-san for lunch on Thursday," Sakura said timidly.

Syaoran clenched his fist, feeling upset about this. "Why?"

"I'm not allowed to talk to your family?" Sakura asked, raising a brow at him.

When she asked this way, it made him feel ridiculous. "But... I'm not comfortable with it and—"

"So, I'm not allowed to—"

"Sakura, it's just..." He stopped, at a loss for words to tell her.

"Would you like to come with me? Just so you could feel comfortable. You could monitor whatever you want. That way, you'll be more in control of the situation," Sakura said, making him consider doing it.

It was not that he does not trust Sakura. It was Meilin who he does not trust. Her and Sakura had one meeting and she had already opened her mouth and told Sakura information.

"Okay," he agreed, after giving some thought into the answer. "We'll see."

Sakura smiled at him, instantly making the regret wash off his being. "I'm so glad," she said, relieved.

"She says one thing—one word to piss me off, we both leave, okay? I get to call an end to the whole lunch," he said sternly.

He could see her throat bob as she swallowed. "Okay. It's a deal."

He nodded, standing up. He noticed a huge weight was lifted off his chest. He motioned with his hand for her to stand, which she did.

"You're really pushing my buttons, young lady," he said, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her body flesh against his.

She smiled after she saw a small smile on his lips, telling her he was not upset with her. "I have to," she said, standing on her tiptoes to brush her lips against his lightly.

His lips caught hers, instantly deepening the kiss before he pulled back. "I know," he said.

She rests her hand on his chest, making him release the hold on her body. He let his eyes rake over her body, feeling aroused at her appearance.

She had on dark jeans that hugged her skin, and a light pink, causal blouse with pink flats.

Her outfit may have looked simple to everyone else, but she looked like the most beautiful woman alive in his eyes.

"You look beautiful today, by the way," he complimented.

A blush crept to her cheeks, almost matching the color of her blouse. "Thank you," she sheepishly said.

Syaoran chuckled, kissed her nose one last time before pulling away. "I'm going to head out. I have a long day ahead of me," he said quietly.

She nodded. "Okay. I hope you have a good day," she said. "And don't forget to tell me about your date with Watanabe."

He shook his head, hearing the humor in her tone. "You have a good day too," he said, walking out of her office.

Everything suddenly felt alright.

* * *

Sakura raked her fingers through her hair a few times as she checked herself out in the rearview mirror. She wanted to make sure she looked presentable to the ladies she is about to meet for the first time. She had given Syaoran the perception that it would just be her, Meilin, and him going to lunch.

Little did he know; his sisters would be there as well.

She could admit that she toyed with his head a little by telling him that he could come and monitor the whole date, which would give him that sense of control in the situation.

She sighed, feeling awful about this whole plan, but somehow, she knew it would work out. Syaoran may be upset and try to leave for the first few minutes, but she would just convince him to stay and talk. Even if it would be for a little while.

Meilin seemed to be more of a trigger than all of them, so she prayed that it would not be as bad as his reaction to meeting Meilin after so long.

Taking a deep breath, Sakura opened the door of her car, and stepped out into the cold air. She grabbed her purse, closed and locked the door, before heading straight to the cafe entrance.

Immediately, she spotted the dark-haired woman sitting in the corner of the cafe at a table full of four other beautiful women who she assumed as Syaoran's sisters.

She walked over to them slowly, listening to her own heart beat erratically in her chest. She had never felt this nervous before, not even when she met Eiichi's family for the first time, so she knew this was serious.

Before she even reached the table fully, all girls turned in her direction, mouths opened in awe at her.

 _Hoe?_

"Kinomoto-san?"

"I—"

"Kawaii!"

Before Sakura could comprehend anything, they were already at her side, tackling her with hugs and kisses to the cheek as they commented on how cute she is.

"Okay, guys, you're causing a scene," Sakura heard Meilin's distant voice over the loud women.

"I-it's nice to meet you guys too," Sakura said sheepishly as her cheeks burned from embarrassment.

"Okay, okay. We have to contain ourselves," one of the women said after releasing Sakura's cheeks.

Sakura wanted to thank her but did not want to offend the others. She silently sighed in relief after they gave her a little space.

"Please, have a seat," the same woman said, motioning her to slide in the booth, which she did.

They all followed after her, still commenting on her appearance.

"We're sorry for not formally introducing ourselves, we just didn't expect the woman Syaoran to be in love with would be so beautiful."

Sakura could not help but notice that this was the sister Syaoran related to the most.

"W-what? He's not in love with—"

"Oh, please. You don't have to explain yourselves. Meilin's already said it all."

"W-what?" Sakura asked, afraid that Meilin had told them everything already.

"Well, she just told us how he acts around you."

"It's like our baby brother to show unconditional love to important people in his life."

A sigh came from another one. "That's true. Our brother has always been like this."

Sakura's eyes just followed each woman who spoke, not able to put names on who they were.

As if they noticed her confusion, one of them cleared their throat; the one who seemed to be like Syaoran.

"My name is Fuutie," She pointed at herself. "Here's Shiefa, Feimei, and Fanren." She pointed to each of the girls as she introduced them all.

"It's nice to meet you guys," Sakura said, smiling at them.

With names attached to them, she could identify each of the girls now from remembering Syaoran talk about each of them.

"We didn't expect Syaoran to have found a girl here. He's been living here for years now, and he never mentioned anything about a significant other in his life," Feimei said.

"I... Well, we just met a few months ago," Sakura said sheepishly.

"Really? How so? Tell us everything," Fanren said excitedly.

A blush stained Sakura's cheek as she looked at the girls bashfully. "It was at the hospital..." she said, before going into full details about everything that occurred.

"So, it was love at first sight?" Shiefa asked.

"Well...uh...I wouldn't say that exactly."

She was not sure how Syaoran felt about her when they first met. Personally, she thought he acted a little weird. A bit flirtatious, but more so on the creepy side, as she remembered the way he looked at her.

"I think it may have been love at first sight for Syaoran," Meilin chimed in for the first time, making Sakura freeze.

She did not know what Meilin would tell the girls, or what she had already told them.

"Syaoran doesn't necessarily allow people in his home, especially without him being there. He's never been that type, so that's why it was a surprise to see Kinomoto there when I arrived," Meilin said. "It's only been a few months and he's already let you do that? It had to be love at first sight."

Sakura giggled nervously, not knowing how to feel about that. Syaoran had hated her when he found out that she is a psychologist. Lust at first sight sounded better than love.

"Really? Our Syaoran doesn't trust anyone that easily," Fuutie said, raising a brow.

"I... I don't know," Sakura said quietly.

"How do you feel about him?" Fanren asked.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but could I get you girls anything to drink today?" A waiter interrupted their conversation.

The girls nodded, and they ordered their drinks and something to eat.

Once he left, they all turned their attention back to Sakura, including Meilin.

They were expecting her to spill her heart out to them about their brother.

"Syaoran, he's..." Her heart beat sped up, making her nervous to continue, but she did. For her sake. "He's such a sweetheart. He's so precious and he...deserves the best. He doesn't deserve to experience any pain. I... I want to give him everything he wants, but I know it's impossible to. I can't..."

"Sakura-san—It is okay to call you that, right?" Sakura nodded. "I'm sure you're giving our little brother enough by being with him. Even though we've just met, I can already see why he's in love with you."

Sakura smiled at Fuutie, feeling that guilt stab at her chest. Their brother deserved someone he could be with.

"Thank you," she whispered, almost wanting to tell them that her and Syaoran's relationship was not as it seemed.

"Of course. Father will be so proud that our Xiao Lang has found someone," Fanren said.

Sakura looked at her immediately, hearing her address him that way.

"Xiao Lang?" she questioned dumbly, though she knew who the woman is referring to.

"Yes, Syaoran. Sorry, that's his Chinese name," Fanren corrected, looking at Sakura apologetically.

"Oh no, I know. It's just...Syaoran told me not to refer to him as Xiao Lang, so I thought that he would say the same to you guys," Sakura said.

"He's...never voiced his discomfort in the name with us before," Fuutie said cautiously.

"Oh...I was hoping you guys could tell me why he didn't like it," she said, feigning innocence.

"Unless... it has something to do with..."

Sakura held her breath as the woman trailed off, sounding deep in thought about her response.

She wanted to know what these women knew; how much they knew.

Fuutie shook her head. "I don't have any clues. Everyone calls him that in Hong Kong."

"Oh..."

"Should we not call him that at all?" Shiefa asked, looking at Sakura curiously.

"Well, I don't want to tell you guys how to address your brother, but... I think it would make him happier if you guys just call him Syaoran," Sakura said, smiling at them kindly.

"Syaoran it is, then," the girls said simultaneously.

Sakura silently let out a sigh, glad that she could eliminate some of his triggers. She wanted this to go perfect, so she was willing to do whatever it takes to make sure it does.

"When will he get here?" Feimei asked.

Sakura looked down at her timer, seeing that he should have already been on his lunch break five minutes ago.

"His lunch break is around this time, so he should be on his way over here."

Just as she said this, they heard the bells of the cafe door opening.

Immediately, Sakura turned in the direction of the cafe entrance, feeling her heart beat erratically against her chest.

And there Syaoran stood, looking around the little cafe for them, making Sakura even more nervous.

 _Please let this turn out right..._

* * *

 **A/N: I'm so sorry, guys! University's kicking my butt already and it hasn't even been a full month yet! I am in my last year, so I don't expect any less...**

 **Anyway, thanks to theDeviantme for editing, because her help always makes my life easier :D.**

 **I remember responding to reviews, but I can't be too sure. Thank you guys so much, anyway! And, sorry for the cliffy, but I had to :P. And, sorry in advance for the ending of the next chapter, because the real drama begins after that with another cliffy. I'm pretty much done with the next chapter, thanks to me starting my routine of writing my stories in class this semester too lol. I just have to tweak up a few things, and then it'll have to get edited and then I'll post it, hopefully by next week or earlier :).**

 **Don't forget to let me know your thoughts on this chapter, considering more information has been uncovered :).**

 **Ja ne!**


	28. A New Revelation

**"A New Revelation"**

* * *

Syaoran looked around the small café for auburn hair and jet black hair. He was running a little late because of the guys back at the hospital. They had been trying to bombard him with questions about why he was leaving the hospital.

He has never left the hospital during lunch break, unless he had a lunch meeting with the board, so it rose questions in the hospital. He had just had a lunch meeting the day before, so almost everyone knew that, that was not where he was going.

Thus, of course, leading them all to believe that he had a lunch date with his "secret girlfriend."

How wrong they were, he thought when he remembered that Meilin would be there as well.

Just at that moment, he spotted auburn hair and emerald eyes that were locked on him. A smile slowly crept to his lips as his heart sped up in his chest. But, when her eyes shifted from his to something else, his eyes followed hers and his smile faltered, seeing who it is. Or, who _they_ are.

His fists clenched, feeling all those pleasant emotions he had just felt, wash away as he saw four other women he was not aware would be there.

In an instant, he turned on his heels, storming out of the café.

He was not surprised that Meilin would pull some strings like this, because it was like her to. Or, so he assumed it was Meilin.

The moment he reached his car, he heard the bells of the café jingling and a familiar voice calling his name, snapping him out of his anger fit. He turned in her direction, clenching his jaw.

"It's not what it seems," Sakura said, rushing to his side.

His eyes scanned the area, glad to see that there were not many people out in the area right now. "This is _exactly_ why I didn't want to do this. She pulls shit like this all the time. She kisses up to everyone's ass in my family and—"

"Meilin didn't invite them!" Sakura interrupted, shocking Syaoran to the core.

"W-what?" he stuttered, moving back from her slightly.

"She didn't invite them…I did," Sakura said quietly, keeping her distance from him.

He was not sure if he was relieved or hurt about that. One part of him felt hurt and betrayed, not wanting her near him. But, the other part wanted her to touch him; comfort him and explain herself to him.

"Why would you do this to me? I told you I didn't want to see them—that I wasn't _ready_ to do that yet!" he bellowed, clenching his fist.

"Because, you are now," she said calmly, cautiously moving over to him.

He moved back, realizing he did not want her to touch him after all. "No—"

" _Yes_. You said, 'was,' past tense, which means you are now," she said confidently. "You're just saying you're not because you _think_ you're not."

He stopped, thinking about what he had said. He did say 'was,' he realized.

"But, that doesn't mean I am right now—!"

"You are! It's been years, Syaoran. You've had years to prepare yourself for this. Years since you've seen them and just sat down to _talk_ to them. You're ready and I'm going to need you to trust me when I say that," she said, moving closer to him again.

He did not make a move to stop her this time. "How could I trust you when you just pulled some shit like this? I feel so betrayed right now, and—"

Small, lithe arms wrapped around him tightly, shutting him up immediately. "I know that this was wrong, Syaoran. It was wrong to go behind your back and plan a date with your sisters and us, but I had to. I have to do things like this with you to help you get better. And, I know that it'll be hard for you to, but try to understand, okay? Try to trust me when I say these things to you. I'm looking out for your best interest. I'm putting my all into helping you, because you're a top priority in my life right now. I want the best for you, and if making you feel betrayed will get you better, I would do it over and over again. Just don't let this ruin what we've already fixed."

Sakura held him tighter as she said all this into his shirt. Hearing her say all this, while she held him so tightly, he could feel the sincerity in her emotion. He could feel how much she had the passion to help him.

The hurt and betrayal began to slowly disappear, and he wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her closer to him. He did not say anything, letting her know through his embrace that he believed her.

Her head rest directly over his heart, so he was sure that she could feel and hear the rapid beating of his heart. He could feel her soft warm lips press against his chest, kissing over his heart before she pulled back.

He looked down at her and saw a small smile on her face. "Are you ready?" she asked.

He was quiet for a moment, but then grabbed her hand, squeezing it a little tightly. "If you're here with me, then yes," he finally said.

Sakura squeezed his hand in return, and then tugged on it. "Please, behave yourself."

"I'll try."

They walked back to the café and headed for the corner where Meilin and his sisters are.

Sakura motioned with her hands for them to slide over for her and Syaoran to sit in the booth with him. She was sure to let Syaoran sit at the end, which he felt grateful for. Just in case he needed to make an escape.

No one said anything at the table, making Syaoran want to get up and leave to ease them all.

He jumped when he felt Sakura's hand drop to his thigh to grab his hand under the table. "So, I heard about the ball at the hospital," Sakura said conversationally.

Syaoran released the breath he did not even know he was holding, due to the tension at the table.

"That's why we're down. Syaoran's team must be skilled for the well-known Clow Reed to trust his daughter's life in their hands," Feimei said, making Syaoran look in her direction.

She caught his eye and smiled at him, making him look away shyly.

"They are. They patched up my ankle," Sakura said in a teasing tone.

Syaoran could feel a small smile form on his lips. "It didn't need patching up. It just needed it's owner to be more careful," he said, not looking at anyone at the table.

He heard his sister's laughter, along with Sakura's.

"Kinomoto-san has two left feet?" Fanren asked.

Meilin laughed, making Syaoran freeze in the booth. "There are even photos online with people catching her on the ground," Meilin said.

Sakura gasped, causing Syaoran to look in her direction. "Are you serious?" Sakura asked, bewildered.

Everyone, except Syaoran, laughed at the disbelief in her tone.

"I'm so embarrassed," she said, covering her face with her free hand. "Hoe…"

Syaoran intertwined their fingers together. "For the record, I think it's adorable," he murmured to her, so they could not hear.

"Kawaii!" His sisters chimed at the table, making him shrink down a little, feeling embarrassed that they had heard him.

His eyes drifted to Sakura's face, seeing the red crimson hue that enhanced the innocence of her nature.

"You guys are so cute together!" Shiefa exclaimed.

When Syaoran did not hear Sakura say anything, he wondered if it made her uncomfortable.

"How's father?" he asked, deciding to change the conversation to safe territory.

The laughter and fangirling stopped immediately.

"You should come home and see for yourself, baby brother," Fuutie said in a reasoning tone.

"I am home," he retorted, holding Sakura's hand tighter.

"To Hong Kong, where you grew up," Fanren said sadly.

Hearing the sadness in her tone made him feel guilty.

"We miss you, Syaoran," Meilin said. "Everyone just wants to see you again. My mother and father still talk about you, my brothers and sisters still ask about you…and—"

Syaoran scoffed, feeling annoyed that she is the one who had so much to say. "You should be glad I haven't come back," he said in a snarky tone.

"Syaoran, don't—"

"Are you still holding a grudge against me for something I never had control over?" Meilin said, clenching her fist on the table.

"Grudge? W-what's going on?" Fuutie asked.

"Wow, I'm surprised that she hasn't said anything about _that_ ," Syaoran said sarcastically.

Sakura squeezed his hand, getting his attention. "You promised to behave," she whispered to him.

"I am. I just find it oddly weird how much _she_ misses me," he said, directing the statement at Meilin.

"What are you talking about, Syaoran? We all miss you. Uncle Zou, Aunt Ying, Cousin Bo—hell, even father and mother does," Fanren said.

Syaoran pulled his hand away from Sakura, making her look at him worriedly. "Then, why the hell haven't they come here? Why hasn't _she_ come here if _she_ fucking misses me so much?" he asked angrily, keeping his voice down, though.

"She?"

"Syaoran, you should calm down and rationalize where you're at, and who you're with," Sakura said tightly.

He humorlessly laughed, shaking his head. "Not like they would ever understand because _she_ actually **_cared_** about them. She didn't spit in their face and trample all over their lives. She didn't—"

"That's enough!" Sakura hissed, silencing him instantly.

"I'm confused. What's going on?" Fanren said.

Sakura sighed, shaking her head. "Please, don't worry about it. Syaoran's just going through a lot and—"

"And, it all has something to do with auntie," Meilin said boldly.

"Meilin-san, please—"

Syaoran glared at her. "Oh, you would know since you had so much shit to say in the past; so much attention that you needed. Just shut the fuck up and—"

"Syaoran Li! You were raised better than that, and to not talk to a woman like she's not a person," Fuutie said, glaring at him. "Apologize to Meilin this instant."

Syaoran stood up from the table, making Sakura follow suit behind him.

"Wait—"

"It was nice seeing you guys. I do miss you guys, but this," he pointed to Meilin, "is the exact reason why I don't tolerate the bullshit from this family. I will see you guys at the ball, and hopefully not anymore after that."

And he stormed out of the café, but not before hearing Sakura apologize to them quickly and rushing after him quickly.

Not wanting to hear her chastisement or anything else, he rushed to his car.

"Li Syaoran, you wait!" she exclaimed, catching up to him.

He stopped at the demand. "I know I shouldn't—" When he turned around and saw a smile on her face, he stopped.

"It's okay," she said, panting softly from rushing after him.

"What?" he asked, shocked by her statement.

"You were able to sit in the same room and have a conversation with them in a well-mannered tone. You got angry, yes, and you said something that should not have been said, but you didn't yell. You didn't strike, and you were able to sit in the same place with them for 20 minutes," Sakura praised him. "And, you take very large steps."

Even though he did not want to, a small smile formed on his lips at her witty comment at the end. "Let's…do this again," he said hesitantly.

He missed his sisters and actually wanted to spend time with them, he realized.

"What?" Sakura questioned.

"Without Meilin with us," he said quietly.

Sakura frowned, making him annoyed slightly. "What is that all about?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I have to get back to the hospital," he said, turning away from her.

"We have to talk about this, Syaoran," Sakura pressed.

He opened the door to his car, keeping his eyes from her direction. "Another time," he said. "I'll see you later."

He got in the car, closing the door behind him.

His heart hammered in his chest, feeling the pain hit him all at once as he thought about everything that just occurred. He had not felt this much pain since he started seeing Sakura, but it was not foreign to him.

The only difference this time is the fact that he did not want to have sex to get rid of it.

He wanted Sakura.

* * *

 **'I want to see you tonight,'** Syaoran sent the text, after he contemplated for hours if he should send her the text. He was quick to send another message saying, **'if that's alright with you.'**

After scrubbing in on a surgery, Syaoran had been sitting in his office, wanting to text Sakura, but at the same time, not wanting to bother her.

He should have been doing this paperwork, but Sakura was the only thing he could concentrate on, though she was not there with him.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

A knock on his door put a stop to these thoughts, instantly turning his professional mode on. "Come in," he said in a clear and concise tone.

The door slowly opened, revealing…Eriol?

Syaoran's professional mode switched off as he glanced at the man. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, folding his arms over his chest, leaning back in the chair.

His glare faltered, not seeing the usual playful smirk on his face. Eriol's face looked a little sad, he would even say.

Syaoran sat up in the chair with scrunched brows. "What's going on?" he asked. "You can close the door."

Eriol closed the door quietly and walked over to grab one of the chairs in the room to bring to Syaoran's desk. He sat down in it, and then looked at Syaoran. "I need medical advice," Eriol said, seeming to cut straight to the point.

Syaoran raised a brow. "About?"

"Do you know about Sakura's mom?" he suddenly asked.

Syaoran looked around the room cautiously, making sure Eriol was not playing any tricks. "What about…her?" he asked slowly.

"She didn't survive giving birth to Sakura. Tomoyo's mother is Sakura's mother's cousin, and she almost didn't make it out alive giving birth to Tomoyo. So, it's a genetic thing, right? Something that runs in their family, right?" Eriol asked.

Syaoran slowly nodded, taking precaution. "Possibly, but that's not always the case," he said.

Eriol took a deep breath and then released it. "But, it still is, even if it's **just** a possible thing. I have one more question," he said.

Syaoran nodded, motioning him to ask.

"What is the percentage of this happening to Tomoyo?"

Syaoran's eyes widened, surprised that Eriol would come to him and talk about this.

"We're planning to try sometime in the beginning of the year, so…I just want to be sure that…I won't lose her in the process."

Syaoran remained quiet for a moment, making him wonder how he should respond.

"Answer me, man. I'm starting to freak out," Eriol said calmly.

"Th-there's…a slight chance, but it's not a guarantee. Maternal deaths are due to a lot of different complications, though. Extra precaution and extra care could just be provided for her. And, typically, the doctors would be able to tell after a few weeks if her chances of living after birth will happen with this type of condition," Syaoran explained.

Eriol let out a relieved sigh and stood up. "Okay, thanks," he said, walking towards the door.

Before he left, he turned around to say, "And, don't mention this to Sakura," and closed the door behind him.

As soon as it closed, Sakura came to mind, making him wonder if she knew there was a chance it could happen to her.

Just as he thought of this, his phone went off, letting him know he had a text.

 **'Your place :),'** it read, making his heart flutter in his chest.

He texted her the time to be at his place. He turned to his desk, suddenly having the motivation to get some work done.

* * *

The moment he pulled up to his apartment, his stomach fluttered in excitement, seeing Sakura sit outside her car, waiting for him. Sakura turned to him with a smile on her face.

He smiled, leaning down to kiss her lips gently as he wrapped his arms around her small frame. When she let out a soft, satisfying sound, he pressed his body against hers, pushing her body against her car.

It had not even been two full days since they saw each other at that café, yet he still missed her like he always does. There was definitely something wrong with him, but he felt alright with that.

Sakura made a slight grunting sound, making him pull back from her lips.

He even got off work early to see her.

"I can't get a proper, appropriate greeting anymore?" she asked, smiling at him.

"I'd say my tongue down your throat is proper," he said teasingly.

He leaned down and kissed her nose before motioning her to follow him up to his apartment. She followed closely behind him, wrapping her arms around his, making him smile as they walked up the stairs.

He unlocked the door, letting her inside first.

As soon as the door closed, his lips were on hers again, kissing her passionately. "I missed you," he whispered against her lips.

She smiled against his lips and then pulled back, but wrapping her arms around his waist, hugging him.

Surprised by her sudden show of affection, he looked around to see if someone is playing tricks on him again today.

"I would suggest us going out for dinner tonight, but I feel like something's wrong," Syaoran said light-heartedly, so he would not upset her.

"I missed you, is all," she said, still resting her head on his chest, no doubts listening to his heart beat.

He dragged his hands up her arms until he reached her shoulders. He pulled her back slightly, so he could look at her face. He could not read the expression on her face.

"We do need to talk…" Sakura said softly.

Syaoran's breath caught in his throat, feeling like this is déjà vu.

They just "had to talk" the other day when she tried to end them.

"It's nothing you should be afraid of," she reassured.

He sighed, moving his hand up to caress her face. "Good. What is it?" he asked.

She pulled back from him, looking around the apartment.

Syaoran's eyes followed hers, trying to find what she is looking at. The entire place was spotless clean, so she would not find what she is looking for.

"Hungry?" he asked after she remained quiet for a few minutes, rising the tension in the room. "I have wine."

Sakura smiled, nodding her head. "That's what I could use right now," she said.

Syaoran chuckled and nodded his head before heading to the kitchen to grab them two glasses and the wine bottle. Once he finished, he called to her, letting her know that he was going to change.

When she said, "okay," he headed to his room and changed into comfortable clothes, unconsciously checking his appearance in the mirror. He walked back to the living room with the two glasses in his hand and the bottle of wine in the other.

He smiled, seeing Sakura sit on the couch with her phone in hand and the tv playing on the screen, on the news channel. Most times, he would feel upset that another had her attention while he was around, but this time, it was different.

He was not angry, just curious and a little jealous; only because it was getting late and possibly some other man was texting her phone.

Pushing those feelings aside, he walked over to her, sitting on the couch beside her. He leaned forward to set the glasses and wine on the table in front of them.

Sakura switched her phone off and casually placed her phone on the table, relieving him a little.

There was no suspicion in her actions and she did not even seem jumpy in the least bit. It was relieving.

"I was just texting Tomoyo." She tilted her head to the side slightly, looking at him curiously.

"Oh," he said, not even noticing that he had been staring at the phone on the table. "About that—" He stopped, remembering that Eriol had asked him not to mention it to anyone. Sakura, especially, since they are best friends.

"Hmm?" Sakura asked.

Syaoran leaned up and poured them both a glass of wine. They would need to drink a bit before having this conversation, he assumed.

He handed Sakura the wine, glad she accepted it. "You are fine with red wine, right? I should've asked you before," he said, sheepishly looking down at his glass.

Sakura touched his arm, making him look at her. She took a sip of her wine and then smiled at him. "Red wine is fine," she said reassuringly.

He sighed in relief. "Okay, good." He took a sip from his wine too.

"What about Tomoyo? You started to say something earlier," Sakura said, and then took a larger chug of her drink.

Syaoran watched her, wondering what is bothering her. She never pegged him as the type to be a drinker, so something had to be wrong.

"It's…not about Tomoyo," he said slowly, watching her pour more wine in her glass with shaky hands.

"What is it, then?" Sakura asked innocently.

"You said you want…kids, right?" he asked, sounding uncomfortable.

During mid-sip, she stopped, not moving an inch. She swallowed her drink slowly and then turned to him. "What about it?" she asked, raising a brow.

Syaoran shook his head, taking a chug of his wine. "Just asking," he said, in what he hoped, as a nonchalant tone.

"Well, yes, I do want kids some day in the future," she said, nodding her head slowly.

He wondered how he could ask the next question without hurting her.

"You don't want kids," she said suddenly.

He looked at her cautiously, wondering how he should respond to that. He could not tell if it was a trap or what. "I got the—"

"Vasectomy, I know. You told me," she said.

The tension was so thick in the room that it was beginning to become suffocating.

"Yeah, but—"

"So, why are we having this conversation?" she interrupted.

Syaoran untensed beside her and sat his half-empty glass down. "Because I thought about your mom and your birth," he said boldly.

"What about it?" she asked as if to say that she did not understand the question. "I mean, I know I said I didn't know much about her, because I don't. Even though it sounds crazy and unrealistic, I can still remember the way she smiled and held me when I first came out after they briefly brought her back to life. Nothing else after that, though."

Syaoran stared at her, feeling sympathetic for her. "I know, and I believe you. It's just…don't you think that…" he trailed off, hoping she knew where he is coming from.

"Wouldn't you think it's a genetic thing?" he asked, seeing that she was not going to figure it out on her own. She could be dense at times, he was beginning to notice.

She stared at the glass in her hand blankly, making him wonder if the question hurt her. She chugged the rest of her drink down.

"Sakura—"

"I'm having kids, Syaoran," she said in a finalizing tone.

"I—"

"Just because you don't want kids, doesn't mean you have to put it on me too," she interrupted again with a frown.

Syaoran's brows scrunched together, confused at why she would say that. "I know, and I wasn't trying to say that you couldn't have kids. I just thought that—"

"I know the percentage rate is higher for me to die during birth, but I still want to. I won't know unless I try," she said. "And, hopefully one day, I have a husband who'll understand and support my decision to do so."

He looked at her, sensing the hint in her tone. "I have nothing against you wanting kids, Sakura," he said gently.

Sakura sighed. "I never said you did. I just mean what I said," she said.

"There are re—"

"You don't want kids, though. Why have kids that you don't want? It'll just be like…" Sakura stopped.

Syaoran had already assumed in his head what she would say, though. "Like, what? A vicious cycle of me treating my child like shit, too?" he said distastefully.

"That's not what I was going to say," she said softly.

"You're thinking about it, because I am too," he said, grabbing his glass of wine to drink more.

He suddenly wanted something stronger than this.

"That's not true, Syaoran. There are only two routes you could take, if you did ever decide to have kids. Either choose not to let your kid go through the same thing because you want the best for them or treat them that way because it's the only way you know how to treat a child. I don't think it's the latter, either," Sakura said, caressing his arm lovingly.

His stomach fluttered as he leaned into her touch unconsciously. "That's what scares me," he said quietly, listening to his own heart beat loudly against his chest.

"I don't want kids because…what if I **do** treat them like shit? What if I **do** repeat what that woman did to me? I don't want to do that to anyone else," he whispered the last part quietly, as he recognized the burn behind his eyes.

"Syao—"

"It's not that I don't want kids, I just don't want to put them through that," he said sadly.

Sakura pulled on his arm. Taking the hint, he moved over into her arms, feeling weak and vulnerable. He hated this feeling so much, but Sakura always made it seem okay to feel like this.

She wrapped her arms around him tighter, making him snuggle closer to her chest in the awkward, slouched position. "You don't want to hear this right now, but I'll say it anyway. You will be alright. It's okay to feel this way about it now, but you can't dwell on this fear for the rest of your life," she said, caressing his hair gently.

The technique soothed him, even if it was a little.

"It'll get you nowhere, trust me."

Syaoran slid down her chest to her lap so he could look up at her face. As soon as he did, he felt something wet slide down the side of his face.

Before he could wipe them away, Sakura leaned down to kiss the tears on his face. "And, it's okay to cry sometimes. You've had all of this bottled up for so long, so you deserve to let it out sometimes," she said, and then kissed his cheeks again.

"Sakura…are you…"

"Yes, I'm speaking for myself as well," she said, taking the question right out of his mouth.

She sighed, smiling at him sadly. "We are so much alike in more ways than you can imagine," she said.

"How so?" he asked quietly.

"Because…" She looked at him, making him give her all his attention. "Right now, I'm stuck in the same position. I'm scared to get in a relationship, fearing that it would just be a repeat of the same thing. I don't want to enable another person because of their problems. I don't want to have to _fix_ the person I'm with. I want to help the person as they fix themselves on their own, but I don't want to be the one who has to do it," she explained quietly.

He suddenly understood so much more about her from that explanation.

All this time, he had been assuming that she does not want to be with him because of his condition and she was ashamed of him. But, in the end, it was so much deeper than that.

Syaoran sat up from her lap and scooted closer to her. He kissed the side of her head. He motioned for her to lay down on the small couch, so they could cuddle.

When she did, he moved behind her, so they could spoon. He prayed that she would ignore his growing erection because it would just remind her that he still had some issues of his own.

Even though he did not think of sex as the first thing to turn to when things were going bad, his body still did. It was not used to the new Syaoran yet.

Syaoran wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. "Tell me about this codependent relationship you had," he said softly.

Sakura relaxed in his arms, letting out a soft sigh. "It was with Eiichi…" She trailed off.

"Look at me," Syaoran demanded softly.

Sakura tilted her head to the side, so she could look at him. "It's okay. I want to hear about your past," he said reassuringly.

She smiled at him before leaning up to brush her lips against his softly and then pulled back. "I met Eiichi in undergraduate school," she started off, laying her head back down on the sofa pillow under them.

"It was my first year in college, so I was 18. We were taking a class together, but he was only a part time student. He was in the military," she exclaimed in a cheerful tone.

Syaoran knew it was not the time to get upset, though. This was about her.

"It was…magical, like every girl says it is, being in love for the first time."

When she stopped talking, Syaoran squeezed her gently, coercing her to continue.

"Even thinking about this is hard, Syaoran. I don't talk about him anymore, because it's hard sometimes. I…"

"I understand. You don't have to rush yourself. We have all night," he said, kissing her head gently.

"Really?" she asked in such a vulnerable tone.

The tone made Syaoran pull her closer to him. He never saw Sakura in her weak moments. It was only a few times where he had, so he wanted to cherish every second she put her trust in him; her heart in his hands.

"Of course, take your time."

A few minutes of silence passed between them before Sakura sighed. "He got…deployed."

Syaoran caressed her arm, looking at the ceiling as he listened to her voice and the sound of her breathing.

"We were together for almost four years. We moved in together and he had just proposed to me before he was told that his unit would deploy," she said quietly.

Sakura sat up and turned to him, so she could look at him.

His heart twisted, seeing the tears glisten in her eyes. He sat up slightly, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her head to his chest. "Shh…you don't have to talk about it anymore," he said, caressing her hair gently as her tears wet his chest.

She shook her head against his chest. "No, I have to. I have to, so you can understand why we can't be together," she said between sniffling.

Syaoran ignored the stabbing in his heart, wanting to make her feel better any way he could.

She turned her head over, so she could lay her ear directly over his beating heart. "When he got back, things changed— _he_ changed. He was… so cruel…he was mean, and it was like he lost touch with his humanity. Every little thing triggered him. Every little thing I said angered him, anything anyone said triggered him. So, he…started getting physical," she said the last part quietly.

Syaoran almost did not even hear her.

"It started with minor things like…pushing me aside when I upset him or saying mean things to hurt me. And then, it escalated from there. I know this may sound crazy to you, but it wasn't his fault. Something happened out there to him that I still don't know until this day, because he wouldn't talk about anything from his deployment. Even though I knew I couldn't help him, no matter how hard I tried, I still wanted to. I…"

When she stopped, Syaoran realized he had been holding his breath the entire time of her rant. He could feel white hot blood course through his body.

He had been upset before, but never this much. He wanted to kill the man. He was already plotting out how he would do it.

All he had to do was find out how he would find the man and hide the evidence. He wanted the man dead for putting his Sakura through something so traumatic.

"Your heart is beating so fast…" Sakura said quietly, resting her hand on the other side of his chest to caress it.

He shivered, holding her tighter to use something that could bring back his humanity. "Why?" he asked tightly. "Why did he do this to you?"

Sakura sighed. "I…I don't know. It was PTSD from whatever happened while he was gone, is the only thing I can come up with. And…it was me, taking up for his actions. Whenever he would do anything to hurt me, **I** reasoned for him. **I** covered for every single thing he did. By me doing this, it was like **I** supported his behavior. Our relationship just became one-sided over time. Just…me trying to take care of him and protect him from others," she said quietly.

Syaoran swallowed, feeling his hand shake from anger around her body. He had so many questions but did not know which one he should ask first. He knew he had to know one thing, though; where the man is.

"I told you a while back that I was strangled in my sleep…" She trailed off.

She grabbed his trembling fist, making him loosen the grip on his palms. "Please… I don't want you to get yourself all worked up over this," she said softly.

"How could I possibly **_not_** get worked up over this?" He grabbed her chin, forcing her to look up at him. "He hurt you. Just thinking about it, makes me want to skin him alive."

Her eyes dropped down, looking as if she did not want him to see her cry.

"Look at me, Sakura," he demanded.

When she did, he leaned down and kissed her lips gently. "Where is he now?" he asked after pulling away from the short kiss.

"It doesn't matter where he is—"

"Sakura. If you don't tell me, just know that I'll find him on my own," he said dangerously.

"I…" She stopped, pulling back from his face so she could lay her head on his chest again. "He's already gone."

Syaoran froze under her, not fully understanding what she means. "What?"

"He was depressed…and didn't want to live anymore, so he…" She stopped again, suddenly bursting into hysterical sobbing.

Syaoran was quick to sit up slightly, pulling her body with his so she could rest between his legs, as he wrapped his arms around her body tightly.

He had not expected her to say _that_ , of all things. And, he was just trying to plot how he would kill the man himself. He suddenly felt guilty, because of her hysterical crying about it.

"I-I'm not crying because…I'm sad," she said between the sobs. "I…"

Syaoran held her closer and began rocking back and forth, stroking her hair gently. "Shh, you don't have to talk anymore," he said in a soothing tone.

She shook her head against his chest as she held on to his shirt tightly. "No, I have to. I'm over this. It's been six years…six years since this happened. I'm just crying because…"

She could not even finish the sentence as her entire body trembled, crying for some form of release of the tears and sorrow.

"I'm still so disappointed in myself. I failed him as a person. I couldn't save him and…" She stopped, and just continued to sob into his chest.

Syaoran continued to hold her, letting her cry into his chest as he thought about everything.

It all made so much sense to him now, especially her first breakdown when she had lost the patient a month ago. It was like a reminder of her losing Eiichi because she was powerless in the situation. She is a psychologist, so he thought that she would understand more than himself, that it is not possible to save everyone. But then, he realized it dug deeper than that.

Eiichi was not just a patient to Sakura, if one at all. He was a person who held great significance in her life. He was going to be the center of her life, but that was suddenly taken away from her. And, because of her overly-caring and passionate nature, she felt like she failed these people as a person, rather than a psychologist.

Instead of voicing his thoughts about encouraging her, he kept quiet. He knew that she was very well-aware that it was not her fault; that she had no power in this situation. She had been through this six year ago, so of course she had thought everything through. Plus, she had—

"Is this why you see Akinari?" he asked after her sobbing calmed down.

She sniffed, sitting up from his body, but he was quick to pull her body back to his. "Yes…"

Syaoran did not say anything, still not feeling comfortable with the thought of her seeing him to get help.

"But, I'm fine now. I've moved past that part of my life, and only see Aki when I need to. It's no longer a priority in my life anymore," she said, voice cracking a bit from the crying. "I'm a psychologist, listening and helping others 5 to 7 days out of week, so it's only natural for me to have a therapist. I have to maintain some level-headedness too."

Syaoran stared at Sakura, not knowing how to feel about all of this. One part of him understands her, but the other wanted to know so much more to understand a lot more.

"He strangled you, didn't he…?" he asked, though he already knew the answer to it.

She sniffed, nodding her head against his chest. "And, shot himself right afterwards."

At the whispered response, Syaoran released her, letting her sit up from his chest. He looked at her saddened expression, feeling his heart pause in its beats.

"He had already attempted to end his own life several times prior to that, but I was always there to talk him down from his episodes. He saw a therapist, but he was…already gone. Nothing could get through his head…no amount of therapy, medicine…nothing could help him." She looked down, wiping her eyes of the tears.

"Sakura…" He did not know what else to say, still surprised by this information.

"What sucks the most is…I didn't even get to go to his funeral. I didn't even get to see him one last time…to…apologize for not being enough for him at the time; for not being able to save him. I just wanted to see him one last time before…letting all of this go," she said quietly.

"So, do that," Syaoran coerced. "Go and talk to him. Apologize…tell him how you feel."

Sakura shook her head slowly. "I can't. I don't even know where he was buried… _if_ he was buried. I just…left everything behind me in Tokyo, and Aki told me it would be best to. And, he was right. Moving back here was the best thing I could have ever done…"

"But, you want closure."

"I guess so. I just…I can never bring myself to ask Aki where he was buried… _if_ he was buried at all, you know? Maybe…"

"So, try. You're always telling me to try things. The same could be applied for you as well," Syaoran said.

Even though he said this, he had already formulated a plan in his head to help Sakura. She is always ready to help him, so now he wanted to do the same, in any possible way he can.

It seemed like they were both an emotional rollercoaster right now.

She released a soft sigh. "I know, Syaoran. And, I'm not expecting you to…accept everything I've just told you about myself. I just want you to understand me."

"I accept everything about you, Sakura." He was quick to clarify that he was not judging her in any kind of way.

"Oh, Syaoran…please, you don't deserve this," she said in a shaky tone, telling him she would cry soon. "I can't be with you because we even started off wrong."

"I know we started off wrong, Sakura. Hell, _I_ started off just wanting to have sex with you. We both started off wrong in this, but now, it's different for me." Syaoran leaned up to grab her face, caressing her soft, rosy cheeks. "I want you, Sakura. _All_ of you. I don't just want sex anymore. I want the whole package."

The tears streamed down her cheeks as she stifled her sobs, touching his hand on her face. "Syaoran…"

"I'm not in this short-term anymore. You're the first person I think about every morning I wake up—hell, you're the last person I think about every night before I go to sleep. Every single time I come home to nothing, I can't help but wish that you were here, waiting for me to get home from work. Everything I do in my life, I always think about the way it would affect you. What I feel for you is long-term," he confessed, pulling her close to him by her neck.

She sobbed, trying to pull back from him, but he would not let her. She was quick to let him pull her over to him, so he could kiss her lips gently.

He could taste the salty liquid on the side of her mouth, but there was no way he could care. He had feelings for this woman in front of him, and he would be willing to do whatever it takes to have her with him.

She broke the kiss, looking at him sadly. "I used you, though, Syaoran. I used you for the sex. I used you for the good distractions of my own pain that I blamed _you_ for bringing to the surface again. How could you ever want to be with someone who used you?" she sobbed, shaking her head.

"Are you using me now?" He was serious suddenly, not even the least bit hurt by this revelation.

They both had done some things they should not have done in the beginning. It changed nothing now, though.

Her face faltered, shaking her head. "Of course not, Syaoran. I care about you. I care about you enough to make you see that you deserve better. You deserve someone who can sleep at night in bed with you; someone who hasn't used you in the past. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust you, someone who—"

"I want to be with _you_ , Sakura. I don't just want _someone_ to be with. I want Kinomoto Sakura."

"You can't, though. What if I enable you too? What if—"

"You won't, Sakura. I won't let you do that to me. I won't even do anything to hurt you the way that bastard did. You mean too much for me to do that to you. I—"

"It's **not** you. It's all me, because of the type of person I am. That's why I can't be with someone who has issues of their own. That's—"

"I'll see another therapist, for crying out loud! I'm working through my problems now, aren't I? I went to lunch with my family earlier this week. You said I did fine, you—"

"Oh, Syaoran…please," she nearly begged. "Don't put yourself through this. You don't have to deal with me. I don't even trust you!"

"And, that's my fault. I created this fucked up image of myself by sleeping around. I don't blame you for thinking that I could cheat on you at any moment if we got together. That I'm thinking about another woman. But, let me take the blame for that. Let me build a trust to make you feel secure. I'll show you that you can trust me."

"How?" Her voice cracked. "How could you possibly do that? How could you possibly change how I feel?"

"It doesn't matter how. Just let me handle it, and we can see where we go from there. I'm working out my own problems too, so it's not just you helping me anymore. You told me to trust you with your betrayal stunt, and I did. So, could you at least _try_ to trust me with this?" he asked gently.

She was quiet for a moment, rising the suspense in the room. "I can't be both your therapist and significant other…" she said.

"So, let's choose one. You can be my therapist until—"

"Syaoran," Sakura called, stopping him from talking.

"I'm _trying_. I understand why you're hesitant but try _."_ He put emphasis on 'try.' Trying meant putting effort into their relationship.

"Psychologist aren't supposed to like their patients…"

"But, you do."

"It's normal for the patient too, but I should've stopped the meetings before it was too late," she said.

"But, you didn't."

"I…"

"Come here, Sakura," he demanded softly.

She crawled over to him in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her, making her fall over to rest all her weight on him. "You can think about it. I know it'll take some time wrapping your head around everything that's going on with us, and what I've said. We are in no rush. No one knows about us and the way we feel, so there's no pressure or expectations held over our heads. We can do this at our own pace."

Sakura looked up at him with a vulnerable, frightening look on her face. "Okay," she said softly.

"We can keep quiet about it as long as you want to, because I know you have to think about your name in this town too. Just think about everything I've said, baby," he said, kissing her head.

He grabbed her by the waist, making her sit up slightly. He moved his hands down to her thighs, making her straddle his waist. Leaning forward, Syaoran ghosted his lips over her neck, leaving light kisses all over it.

As if she took the hint, Sakura situated her body, so she could sit directly on his lap, making him wrap his arms around her waist. He moved his hands up to her soft strands, pulling her head back slightly to have better access to her neck.

His other hand glided down her body to her waist, letting his hand slide under her shirt slightly to feel her smooth skin.

"R-right now?" She sounded breathless, spurring him on more.

He shifted under her, making her sit directly over his erection. "If you want to."

She dropped her head back down to look him directly in the eyes, telling him that she wanted this.

He pulled her head down, closing the gap between their lips.

The only thing that could be heard in the room was their kissing and heavy breathing as their kisses became more passionate.

 _"Tonight's news is something we all did not expect! Our famous psychologist Kinomoto Sakura and Doctor Li Syaoran were found canoodling near the café in downtown Tomoeda! Is there something going on between the two, or…"_

Syaoran's lips stopped, head turning to the TV instantly. And there they were, hugging outside the café the other day after he saw his sisters at the café.

Everything came crashing down on him, telling him that all good things come to an end, even though they had not even started anything yet.

* * *

 **A/N: I didn't get the chapter out last week, so sorry, but I hope this update made up for the missed time! As always, thanks to theDeviantMe for editing, though I went in and added a bit more to the chapter after she finished. Therefore, any grammatical mistakes that are seen is completely my fault!**

 **I didn't get to respond to reviews(I did read them all, so thank you all so much!), but I wanted to get the chapter out to you guys as fast as possible. This week has been extremely busy and will be for the rest of it because I have three test and assignments due before Thursday D:.**

 **And, I know this is _very_ random, but is there any episodes on CCS where we hear our dear Syaoran laugh? Chuckle? Anything remotely close to laugh, besides smile? I didn't notice until re-watching the show this past summer that he doesn't at all. Anyway, I was just curious if anyone else noticed it or if he did and I missed it :o.**

 **Aside from the random thought, what did you guys think of the chapter? A little too much information to take in at once? Too little? Just the right amount? It would be great to know your thoughts!**

 **I can't make any promises when the next update will be up, but I'll try to get around to working on the next chapter as soon as I find the time! I promise!**

 **Ja ne!**


	29. The Falling out

**"The Falling out"**

* * *

The two stared at the television screen still talking about them, completely still. It was only when Sakura shifted on top of him that snapped Syaoran out of it.

"Uh, Sakura—"

"Shit," she interrupted, shocking Syaoran at the vulgar language she never used.

She made a move to get off his lap, but he grabbed her hips tightly, holding her in place. "Calm down, it's okay, Sakura," he said, noticing the patterns of her breathing pick up.

"No, it's not. It's not okay," she said in a panicky tone, struggling to get off his lap.

When her struggling became vigorous, he released her, letting her stand up. He was up on his feet in mere seconds at her side, though.

"It's not that serious, Sakura. They only caught us hugging and—"

"Turn the tv off!" she exclaimed, as the newsman continued to theorize about their relationship.

Syaoran turned the tv off calmly and moved over to her again to grab her, but she flinched back from him.

"Don't, Syaoran. This is it—"

"Sakura—"

"Don't come near me, Syaoran. I'm so **disgusted** —with myself," she whispered the last part, wrapping her arms around herself in the corner of the living room.

Syaoran's brows scrunched together, mind wondering what the hell was going on in her head. "Sakura, what's the problem? It was a small mistake on our part, so it's not—"

"It's not _just_ a mistake, Syaoran," she said, raising her voice a little.

"What is it, then? It's not like they know you're my therapist," he said. "Besides, we can tell them that we're just good friends and—"

"It's not that easy! Everything is ruined now and—please, don't," she said.

Syaoran looked at her face, seeing a frightened, vulnerable look on it. It nearly broke his heart, seeing the side of her that she had just told him about. She almost seemed scared of him.

He stopped moving towards her. "What's the problem, Sakura?" he asked sadly.

"We have to stop this before it's too late," she said, shaking her head.

"But, Sakura, we just started—"

"And, now we're ending it."

She moved away to the corner to gather her things.

Syaoran was quick to follow her. "No, Sakura. We can work this out some way. We can—"

"Aki knows that you're my patient!" She interrupted.

Syaoran stopped, freezing in his spot. He knew he could not trust the man for a reason, he realized.

She sighed. "Don't look so surprised, Syaoran. He's my therapist, and he found out on his own," she said, no longer gathering her things.

He suddenly felt angry at that statement. "You said all that shit about confidentiality to get me talking, knowing that you would just go back and tell your little best friend about my problems? Discuss my obsession with sex? What? Were you guys laughing about it too?" he asked, fists clenching at his side.

Her face dropped. "I haven't told him anything about your problems. I would never do that," she said defensively.

"How the hell does he know I'm your patient then, huh? You told me that no one would find out that I was even seeing a therapist, so how the hell does he know!?" Syaoran bellowed, feeling angrier at himself, than her, for trusting her.

He felt exposed and out of place, knowing that another person knew that he was getting help from a psychologist. This was the exact thing he wanted to avoid.

"He's my therapist, Syaoran. He saw us together multiple times, on multiple occasions, in multiple compromising positions. You didn't give me much of a choice but to tell him a few months ago when we first started seeing each other. He knows a lot about you, so he didn't want me to—"

"Who the fuck _cares_ about what he wants?" Syaoran interrupted angrily, beyond pissed that Sakura even considered caring about the man.

"I care! He's been here for me in more ways than you could **ever** imagine!"

"So, you'd rather be on his side, with him right now? You'd rather be at his house right now because he's been there for you more than I've even had the chance to be?" Syaoran asked in a deadly calm tone.

"Syaoran, this has nothing to do with me wanting to be with Aki," Sakura said, shaking her head with a confused look on her face.

"Why the hell does he matter, then? If he's such a good friend and _therapist_ , he would keep his mouth closed about me being your patient," Syaoran said, feeling the ugly green monster come to the surface.

It always seems like Sakura gives him more reasons to hate the man.

"Syaoran—"

"Fuck him, Sakura—"

"Stop it! Aki has done nothing wrong. All he's ever done is care about me and—"

"Why the hell does that matter to me? Why is he even an issue in our relationship? I thought this had something to do with everyone else knowing, not him. But, let me guess, you've been sleeping with him too? Because, I see absolutely no reason as to why he has any relevance here!"

"No, I'm not _sleeping_ with him and he has everything to do with me— _us_. He got me where I am today. Sleeping with a patient, which is totally against all the rules in the world we live in, would disappoint him to no end!"

"Why should I care?" he asked angrily.

"If you cared about me, you would care about the world that I live in!"

"I do care about the world you live in, Sakura. Don't you dare try and doubt how I feel about you when I've been nothing but honest with you! I just don't understand why you're so stuck on this bastard who has no say in who you decide to get involved with!"

Sakura stopped, taking deep breaths, trying to calm her rapid breathing. "This is done, Syaoran."

The finalizing tone in her voice pissed him off even further. She started gathering the rest of her things in silence, being sure to keep her eyes away from his direction.

"So, that's just it? You've never felt anything for me? Never even _thought_ about your feelings for me? You were just using me for the good sex that distracted you from your own problems?" he asked in a distasteful tone, watching her every shaky move. She looked like she would break at any moment and needed an escape.

When she did not say anything, Syaoran moved over to her, gently grabbing her arm so she could look at him. But, in an instant, she snatched her arm away as if she had been burned by a hot stove.

"Fucking _talk_ to me," Syaoran said stiffly. He was holding himself back from grabbing her and shaking answers out of her.

"Sak—"

"What do you want me to say, Syaoran!?"

Taken aback by her sudden outburst, he glared at her. "The truth, damn it!"

Sakura took a deep breath and let it out. "Goodbye, Syaoran." And she headed for the door.

He was hot on her trail in an instant. As soon as she opened the front door, he slammed it shut before she could even think to take a step out the door. "We are not done having this conversation," he said tightly.

Sakura turned towards him with a glare, face red and all. "Yes, the hell we are. This **is** done, Syaoran! And there's nothing you, me, or anyone else in this world could do to change my mind about—"

Syaoran's lips cut her off, as he pushed her back against the door loudly, not caring if the neighbors could hear the ruckus. Sakura held up her hands, trying to push him off, but he only kissed her harder, hoping to remind her that she could not just get rid of him easily. He was already deep into this when nothing has even started yet, so he would not want to let her off now.

She continued to push against his shoulders, but he could already feel her primal inclination to submit creeping in, feeling her heart rapidly beat against his chest that is pressed against hers hard.

Barely even a second later, her shoving and pushing turned into pulling and clawing at his body in an attempt to have him closer as she breathed against his mouth loudly. Willingly, she opened her mouth, accepting his tongue in her mouth as her hands grasped his arms tightly. His hands moved into her hair, holding the strands tightly so he could devour her mouth the way he wanted to, without her taking over, as his body shoved hers into the door harder, rocking his hips into hers.

Her hands moved up, nails digging into the back of his neck tightly, almost telling him how angry she felt about all of this—him, but she wanted more.

Syaoran released her hair, moving his hands down to her pants, quickly undoing and pulling them down roughly. She stepped out of them, which he felt more than happy, but he was quick to grab her thighs, hitching her body up on the door. She automatically wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer, as he roughly grinded his covered erection into her heat.

"Oh, you're getting something out of me being all fucking worked up over you?" Syaoran asked, feeling even more furious, yet beyond aroused at her reaction to his response at her behavior.

"Fuck you," Sakura said, glaring at him for using such a demeaning tone with her.

Syaoran cut her off with his lips again, hands grabbing her breast, squeezing and rolling his thumbs over her hardening nipples through the thin piece of material that separated their skins. Hearing her moan of frustration, he squeezed her harder before moving his head down to her neck. He kissed, licked, and sucked on every part of her skin that he could, wanting to mark her to let the world know who she belonged to. Especially, Akinari, who seemed to have her attention the most.

At that thought, Syaoran sucked the area on her neck harder, praying that Akinari would see this mark specifically so he would know that Sakura wanted him and only him; that she craved for his touches, rather than anyone else's.

When Sakura let out a discomforting sound, letting him know that he was starting to make her uncomfortable, he eased up on the sucking, licking the area before pulling back from her neck.

As soon as they made eye contact, both eyes filled with lust; a sudden look of realization dawned on Sakura's face, telling him that she knew what he was doing.

"You're such a bastard, you asshole!" she exclaimed, glaring at him, yet she made no move to push him away.

"And, you're a fucking hypocrite, but do you hear me complaining?" he shot back before closing the gap between their lips, moving his hand to her body between their crushed bodies, until he pushed it down her pink panties. He groaned into her mouth, feeling how wet she is, as he deepened the kiss. The moment the tip of his fingers touched the sensitive flesh, Sakura pulled her lips back from his, moaning his name loudly. He was almost sure the neighbors could hear them now.

Deciding at the last minute to skip the extra foreplay, Syaoran pressed her body into the door tighter with his, removing his hand from her panties, making her groan in protest. He pushed his pants and briefs down, creating a puddle at his ankles.

He kissed her lips harder, pulling her panties to the side, and positioned himself over her entrance. When he pulled his lips back from hers, he could still see the anger written over her face with lust.

They just stared each other in the eyes for a moment, almost as if they were waiting for the other to make the next move. Feeling Sakura's legs tighten around his waist with the heel of her foot digging in his lower back to pull him closer, Syaoran knew that she would not be the one to make the move, so he took the initiative and pushed himself completely inside of her: both moaning in bliss at the sensation of being joined again.

Even though he felt furious with her right now, he still moved his hand up to caress her face lovingly, making her look at him. As soon as she saw the caring expression on his face, her face untensed from the emotions, eyes staring in his. "Tell me to stop," he said in a tone that told her she still had the option of stopping them if she did not want this.

Eyes looking fiercely into his now, she whispered in a breathy tone, "Fuck me." And that was all he needed to hear before driving himself into her relentlessly, picking up the pace each time he slid himself in and out of her. His hands slid behind her to grab her round, plump ass as he thrust in and out of her brutally, making her lower back grind into the door.

As if she thought she might fall, Sakura grabbed the door knob behind her body tightly, holding her body up with Syaoran as he continued to pound into her. Syaoran's fingers gripped her rear-end tighter as he moved his face closer to hers, so his lips could hover over hers. "Who do you belong to?" he asked roughly through their, not so gentle, lovemaking.

The only response she gave him was a strangled moan, digging her nails into his arms and the heels of her feet into his ass. He barely paid attention to the pain, though, too focused on the feeling of being inside her. "Answer me, damn it," he said in a frustrated tone as his body drove into hers faster than before.

"I...I..."

The fact that she could not admit out loud that she belonged to him, made him even more jealous. Even if she had said that she was no one's, it would have made him feel a little better than this. All because Akinari mattered more to her than he did.

At that thought, he buried his face in her neck and continued to bury himself deep inside her quickly to erase the thoughts of her and Akinari.

"J-just you," Sakura said in a breathy tone, almost sounding foreign to Syaoran's ears.

He slowed down his thrusts, pulling his face back from her neck so he could look at her flustered face. "Say it again," he demanded in a husky voice against her lips. He could feel her hot, rapid breathing as she pushed her body towards his, trying to coerce him to finish what he started. He squeezed the meaty flesh on her tailbone, making her stop. "Say it again," he repeated himself, looking straight in her eyes, wishing he could read behind the lust in them.

"I only want you," she said, face turning redder.

"You can have me, Sakura," he said. "Just give me you in return."

She bit her lip, eyes straying from his.

"Look at me," he said in a frustrated tone. When her eyes locked with his, his heart leaped in his chest at the sparkling emeralds. "Erase everyone else from your mind and let me have you."

She let out a shaky breath, shaking her head. "It's just not that easy, Syaoran," she said in a frustrated tone.

"It **is** that easy. How much easier do you need it to be?" he asked, raising his voice a little. He was tired of playing this game with her. He just wanted her to be straight forward with him and tell him what she wanted to do. Aside from cutting all ties with him.

"It's not! You don't understand, and you never will!" she said, raising her voice over his.

"If you'd tell me, I'd understand!" His voice overpowered hers, making her glare at him.

"I've already told you what you needed to know."

Tired of the arguing and yelling, Syaoran began to move inside of her again, pushing her back into the door. Their lips met in a furious kiss as he drove her body into the door harder, wanting to release some of his frustrations. When her walls contracted around him, he pulled his lips back from hers, resting his head on her forehead. "Come for me," he demanded.

He watched her face contort into that beautiful look of ecstasy as she came at his demand. He was soon to follow right afterwards, spilling his seed deep inside her, because he had been holding back for the last few minutes of their erotic dance.

As soon as they came down from their high, Syaoran released her, and pulled out of her. He kissed her lips gently, caressing her face to remind her that he could still be gentle with her.

Sakura pulled her lips back from his, trying to catch her breath as she pant softly.

A knock on the door made both of them freeze, seeming to automatically know that it may have been one of the neighbors. Syaoran was quick to ignore it by pulling Sakura's body with him to the couch.

He pushed her down on the couch gently, climbing on top of her immediately to trap her from answering the door.

"Are you crazy? Someone's at the door—"

"Who the fuck cares? They're probably just coming over to tell us to keep it down. You care too much about people's opinion and feelings," he said, pulling her panties down, and throwing them on the table.

"And—"

"Will you just shut up and let me continue what we both want?" he said, already hovering his lips over hers as the knocking on the door finally stopped.

She closed her mouth, pursing her lips slightly before a small smile played at her lips.

"Thank you," he said, closing the gap between their lips.

* * *

Sakura stirred in her sleep, letting out a soft moan, as she felt the silent alarm in her body waking her. She felt a familiar, heavy arm draped over her waist, holding her to its body so she could not escape him.

She looked at Syaoran's face, seeing him sleep soundlessly beside her. She touched his face, caressing his cheek gently, feeling the slight stubble coming in.

Glancing at the clock, she realized they had just fallen asleep a little over an hour ago when they finally called an end to the sex. It was four in the morning and she had to be right back up at seven.

 _What was I thinking?_

As if Syaoran sensed her trying to leave, his hold around her body tightened, pulling her closer to him. She felt a sudden stab of guilt at her heart, knowing that she had to end this for good.

She still could not wrap her head around how stupid and careless she had been the other day. What even made her think that was appropriate to do in public?

Getting caught and exposed with Syaoran was just a reminder that she was not a good psychologist.

All psychologist would look at her and shame her for getting with a patient. Even though no one but Akinari knew that he is her patient, she still felt the guilt of being with a patient when it was wrong and against all rules. And, if she somehow got caught, because she never had any kind of luck at getting away with doing wrong, it would be the end of her.

She trusted Akinari with all her heart, but she knew that he had every right to turn her in, ending her career. She had worked too hard to get to where she is today, and if it was somehow snatched from her, she would not know what to do with herself. This was all she ever wanted to do in life since she entered high school.

She had a friend who struggled with depression and drug abuse because her parents had been struggling with their marriage. She had been in the middle of it, taking the back lash from both parents, so she was constantly an emotional wreck. Her father often physically abused her, while her mother did emotionally.

Her friend had even attempted suicide a multiple time during all of this, but Sakura had always been there for her whenever the girl was at her lowest points.

Sakura had always been the type of person to help others since a child, but it was only when that friend took her own life when Sakura was not around to stop her. It had been devastating, but it gave her the passion to want to help people like that. She saw through her friend's life the hardship that addicts go through while abusing substances.

She had even tried some herself when she first met the girl. They had gone to her friend's house because her parents were not home, and she had convinced Sakura to take a whiff of what she had. And, that was the last time Sakura even thought to engage in it because she could see how a person could get addicted to drugs. It felt good. It made her forget all her worries and problems. _She_ felt good. But, she knew that, that was not how she wanted to live. So, instead of joining her friend the next round, she made it a goal to get her friend away from the drugs.

It was just not in her control that she could not help the poor girl, until it was too late.

Now, here she was years later, and still wanted to help any person she could before it was too late.

Her eyes fell on Syaoran again, seeing him still sleeping. She did not want to leave him, but she knew this was the only way she had to. By force.

Every time she tried to be reasonable by telling him that they could not work, all she wanted to do was kiss and hold him like nothing else mattered in the world but them. She was a logical person and knew that acting based on your emotions was not a good thing. So, sneaking out and cutting him completely off was the only thing she could think of.

She still wanted to help him, but there was no way she could by still being his therapist. She had already failed him as a therapist by allowing her emotions to get involved, so the least she could do is correct this before anything else could be ruined.

She just hoped that he would go to another therapist to continue getting better. The thought of him seeing another one made her feel beyond jealous, but logic and reasoning over feelings was always better, she reminded herself.

Not knowing what to expect outside these doors nearly scared her to death already. No one had to know, but that did not mean she did not know what she was doing is wrong.

Sakura took a deep breath, thinking of anything that could make her not want to stay here with Syaoran.

 _My Career._

 _Standards and morals._

 _A sex addict._

 _A patient._

 _A man who slept with, God-knows-how-many, women._

 _And no kids._

The last one was a major factor. Even though Syaoran gave her the slightest bit of hope that she could change his mind set about having kids one day, if the reversal would even be successful, she felt like he only said it to convince her to agree to be with him. But, when it came down to it, he would tell her no and that he does not want to have kids in the end.

He said that he did not want kids to begin with because he meant it. It was the fact that he went as far as getting a vasectomy that convinced her that he already had his mind settled about having kids.

So, Sakura knew how this worked. She had mastered the game of manipulation, so she felt like he was trying to manipulate her with the things he told her.

She wanted kids one day. In fact, she wanted them very soon before she got up in age and would not be able to play around with them anymore.

Syaoran could not give that to her, so she could not be with him. They wanted different things in life, so she could not see how it would work.

With that thought in mind, she gently untangled her body from Syaoran's, certain not to make any noise. She slid a pillow under his arm carefully, because she knew how he liked to grip her body throughout the night to remind himself that she was still there with him.

Taking one last look at his peaceful face, she picked up his shirt on the floor, slipping it on and leaving his room. She put her pants back on and grabbed her purse, so she could leave this place and never come back.

* * *

"Dr. Li, what is this all about?"

"Are you and Dr. Kinomoto having an affair?"

"Are you her patient? We weren't aware that you were struggling with your mental health!"

"Is she _your_ patient?"

Syaoran ignored all the reporters and flashing lights, walking through the crowd to get into the hospital. He should have known that they would come here. But, he refused to tell them anything, not knowing what Sakura would want to tell them.

As soon as he walked through the doors of his hospital, the ruckus did not stop.

"Li!"

Syaoran jumped, surprised by the sudden call of his name. "Could you keep it down, Hanaka?" He glared at the man who is approaching him with a grin on his face.

"Shouldn't we be telling you that? Look what you brought to the hospital with you," Hanaka said, grinning at him as he pointed to the door.

"I didn't bring anyone here. Now, go find a way to get rid of those people," Syaoran said, sounding annoyed as he stepped on the side of Hanaka to clock in.

Hanaka was hot on his trail, though. "I'll handle it in a bit, but is it all true? You're seeing _the_ Kinomoto Sakura?" Hanaka asked, rushing to walk beside him.

"No. We're...just good friends—"

"Is she the woman you were giving a good fuck to, a week or so, ago?"

Syaoran clenched his fist, not liking the way that sounded about Sakura. She was not just a "fuck" or a woman he just slept with. They were doing much more than "fucking."

"I told you we're just good friends. And that woman was not just a good fuck," Syaoran said defensively.

"Cool it, doctor. I never said she was," Hanaka said, holding up a hand in surrender.

Syaoran punched his numbers into the computer so he could clock in. "Good. Keep it that way," he said, heading towards the locker room. He could still feel Hanaka following him. But, as soon as he walked through the locker doors, all heads turned towards him.

 _Just fucking great._

"What the hell are you all looking at? Get ready for the day," he snapped, making everyone jump and finish what they were doing.

Syaoran walked over to his locker and changed into his work clothes.

"So, you're still not going to tell me who she was? Everyone's been talking, man—"

"Does it look like I give a shit about that?" Syaoran asked, slipping the scrub shirt over his head.

He could see Hanaka shrug through his left peripheral. "As your good friend, I'd still like to know. It's not like I'll let everyone know," Hanaka said.

Syaoran turned to him, giving the man a deadpanned look. "There is nothing to tell, so keep your nose out of my business," he said.

"Man, we're like brothers. We tell each other everything—"

" _You_ tell me everything," Syaoran corrected, raising a brow at him. "Can I change in peace?"

"Continue changing, but you tell me everything too. You used to tell me about the women you smashed daily, but you just suddenly stopped when you started seeing this mystery woman that you're refusing to tell me about," Hanaka said, sounding disappointed.

"There's nothing to tell, Hanaka. Now, will you stop giving everyone in my hospital more to gossip about? I know it's you opening your mouth."

Hanaka burst out laughing, smacking Syaoran on the back. "If I get the word around to everyone, then maybe the lucky woman who has your heart would speak up if it's her."

"It's no one at this hospital, now drop this subject and move on."

As soon as he finished and turned to walk out of the locker room, he could feel all eyes on him again. Sighing, he just walked out of the locker room to go check the surgery schedule today. Today was one of those days where he wanted to cut and fix. He was glad that he got caught up on all his paper work, because this would serve him some justice.

"Dr. Li," a familiar feminine voice called, making him freeze in his spot.

"Akari," he acknowledged without even looking back at her.

"Uh..."

Sensing her obvious hesitancy, he turned around to face her. "What is it?" he asked, looking down at the blushing woman.

"I was just wondering if everything was alright with you... with all that's going on," she said quietly.

He nodded, looking around the hospital for any other woman he may have slept with. There was just so many...

"Everything's fine. It'll blow over—"

"Is it true?"

He raised a brow, wondering what she meant by that question.

"That you're seeing someone else... and that's the reason you haven't been... with me or anyone else at the hospital," she said.

Syaoran sighed, nodding his head. "I am involved with someone else, but that's not the only reason I haven't been sleeping around anymore," he said truthfully. He had been wanting to do this lately, so he decided that now would be a good place to start. "I've realized how wrong it is to... just sleep with anyone. I should respect you and any other female I'm around every day. It's a struggle, because I am still a man, but that's what I'm striving to do now. The person that I have feelings for just makes it that much easier for me to because I respect her and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her."

Akari's eyes watered a bit. "Is it Kinomoto-san?"

He sighed, not wanting to deny Sakura, but knew she would not want him telling anyone about their relationship. "The news is bullshit. But, I want to apologize to you," he said. Her eyes widened, surprised to hear that statement. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. You're a beautiful woman who I should've respected from the very beginning, but I didn't. So, for that... I'm sorry and hope that you could find it in yourself to forgive me for my wrongdoings."

Akari stared at him in awe, deciding to just nod.

"Have a good day," he said formally before walking away to avoid the awkward atmosphere between them.

He walked to his office, deciding to wait to scrub in on a surgery. The moment he walked to his desk, he took out his phone to check and see if he had any missed calls or texts. There were none.

He ringed Sakura for the tenth time that morning, growing frustrated with her absence. She had left his place sometime throughout the night without him knowing and now she was ignoring him.

He understood that she was still upset with him for whatever reason but ignoring him was driving him insane now. He just wished she would be honest with him, so they could somehow work this out.

It was clear that she felt something for him. But, what exactly? He did not know.

Now, he was having to deal with all of this alone.

Damn living in a small town, because there were news reporters still outside his hospital with so many questions.

After seeing him and Sakura on screen together, he never thought it would be this bad. Quite frankly, he did not even think it would go any deeper than the clear picture.

But when he arrived at his hospital this morning, they were sitting outside his hospital, waiting for him to ask questions about everything.

Apparently, Sakura had some connections with Clow Reed, because they were theorizing that she talked the man into putting his trust in the hospital.

He could not understand why they were making a big deal about this.

 _Maybe because you were once known as a manwhore..._

Syaoran wanted to strangle his subconscious for reminding him of that.

Now, he was thinking about how this all could affect Sakura. He remembered one of the reporters asking him if he was a patient or she a patient to him. There were just too many questions asked and theories created, that he was not even sure how to answer any of them anymore.

It was not as easy as he thought it would be.

There were too many factors to take in, so he was beginning to understand why Sakura had been so uptight about them being discovered.

That did not change the fact that he still wanted to be with her, though.

He just needed to figure out how they could fix this without hurting Sakura in the process. He had to keep into consideration that she had already been through enough and her being exposed like this was like opening another wound.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, making his heart stop beating. Or, so it felt that way.

"C-come in," he stuttered, sounding foreign to his own ears.

The door opened, revealing...Akinari?

Instantly, his blood boiled, remembering how Sakura defended him so much last night.

Syaoran was surprised to see a glare on his face as well as he closed the door behind him loudly. He had a newspaper in his hand, storming towards Syaoran, making him stop his pacing.

Akinari threw the paper on the desk, revealing the picture of Sakura hugging him. "What the hell is this?" he asked, turning to Syaoran.

* * *

 **A/N: I know this was a terrible note to end on with another cliffy, especially since I've been MIA on you guys, but please, please, please understand that life's being a pain in the behind right now. As always, thanks to theDeviantme for editing any mistakes from the writing binges I have xD.**

 **I have read through all the reviews, but still don't really have much time to respond to all of them(sorry!), so I'll just let you guys know that the outcome is very close to happening if you couldn't tell from this chapter xD. I really do appreciate you guys for the support and encouragement. They mean so much to me and often brightens my day every time I even think about you awesome readers! :P**

 **I can't promise a specific update on this story(sorry, school's still being a pain!), but it won't be too long from now :). The next update you guys may see of my name on Fanfiction will most likely be EFITL, as I am almost done with the next chapter in that one, so it's not abandoned for those of you who read that story as well! :P**

 **Aside from all of that, your thoughts on this chapter? :D**

 **Ja ne!**


	30. The Separation

**"The Separation"**

* * *

Syaoran stared at the man who was glaring down at him with a skeptical look on his face. "What the hell is your problem?" Syaoran barked, standing tall from his desk to intimidate the man.

"That's what I should be asking you. Do you know what you're even doing here? You're just adding unnecessary problems in her life that she doesn't need!" Akinari said angrily.

Syaoran stared at him, unbelieving that the man was being so bold with him. "Uh…and you standing here isn't adding _unnecessary_ problems in her life?" he asked, clenching his fist. He was just itching to punch that look off Akinari's face.

"I gave you a fair warning, Dr. Li. I warned you **not** to pull her into your disgusting game of perversion, yet you did!"

"I didn't pull her into anything! Sakura's not a game to me and everything up until now has been nothing but real. I don't need _you_ , of all people, to come in here and talk about things you have no knowledge of," Syaoran said.

He was surprised that he had not yelled or jumped the man yet. He knew that if Sakura were here, violence would not be the answer. She would tell him to calm down and rationalize his decisions before acting out on his emotions.

During all their sessions together, there was one thing he knew to never forget; and that was to never act out based on your emotions. Feeling an emotion that was out of his control does not mean he should have sex.

He was now realizing this applied to every aspect in his life, rather than just with sex. Violence would not fix the problem, just like sex would never erase what made him feel those negative emotions.

"Are you in love with her?" Akinari suddenly asked.

Syaoran's death glares stopped, turning into a look of shock at that question. "What?" he asked quietly.

"You're in love with her…" Akinari repeated, but much quieter this time.

"Why the hell are you trying to interfere with our lives?" Syaoran asked, clenching his fist.

"I'm not the enemy, Li—"

"You sure as hell aren't the hero either!"

"Just let things end here, Li. No more sessions, no more visits, and no more hangouts on your own time. I know it's selfish to say and do, but this is all for the better. You can save Sakura's career if you refrain from having anything to do with her."

Syaoran's eyes widened, not believing the man had just said that. "What?"

"Sakura's been through—"

Before Akinari could finish his sentence, Syaoran was at his side, landing a hard punch to his stomach, shutting him up. "You turn her in, you lose your job and reputation wherever else you decide to go," Syaoran threatened, moving back from him.

Akinari coughed, clenching his stomach before he looked up at Syaoran before shoving him, causing Syaoran to stumble back and bump into his desk behind them.

Syaoran was quick on his feet, throwing his fist at Akinari's face hard. Akinari glared at him before letting his emotions take control of his actions and returning a punch to Syaoran's face.

Feeling his adrenaline rush, Syaoran attempted to grab Akinari's collar to pummel his face, but Akinari dodged him, moving away from him. He wiped the side of his mouth, glaring at Syaoran who attempted to move towards him again, but stopped when Akinari held up a hand. "I…didn't come here for this, Li, so I advise you to keep that temper of yours under control," Akinari said tightly.

Syaoran made a move to attack him again, but he stopped, realizing he was acting based off his emotions right now.

"I don't care about my job or my reputation when it comes to…Sakura. She's been through enough in her life because of bastards like you and I refuse to allow another one of you to come in and ruin her again," Akinari said, sounding a bit strained from the pain.

Syaoran glared at him, lifting his fist to throw another punch to his face this time, but he stopped. "Don't you dare try and put me in the same category as that bastard who hurt her. I would never hurt her in any way—"

"But, you already did! She's already hurting because of you and you guys aren't even together. You'll do just like him! I can already see it happening now, and do you know who she'll come crying to? Who's going to have to watch her suffer in pain again? _Me_. And, I cant let that happen again. Sakura's too precious for this world and she doesn't deserve any of this, so could you please, Li…. Just, _please_! Spare her life, her career, and if none of that is good enough for you, spare her happiness," Akinari said, voice sounding so desperate that Syaoran did not know a man could sound.

Syaoran just stared at his face, words not even able to come to mind to tell him. One part of him wanted to kill the man for even being in his presence, defending her like she belonged to him, but the other part; the rational part, telling him that Akinari just did not want Sakura to get hurt.

Syaoran took a deep breath and then released it. "No, I'm not giving her up," he said in a finalizing tone.

 _Fuck the rational side._

"How could you claim that you have such strong feelings for her when you can't even—"

"I would never hurt her! In all the months we've grown closer together, hurting her has never even been a thought in my head. I can make her happy—"

"And, so could Eichii."

"Don't you dare try and compare me to that bastard," Syaoran said, grabbing the collar of Akinari's lab coat.

Akinari remained calm, grabbing his wrist tightly to pull them from his coat. "And, this temper of yours just proves that you'll just hurt her like the last guy."

It was like a huge blow to his stomach, hearing the man say that.

Akinari moved back from him again, adjusting his clothes. "Tell me, Li. What is the difference between you two? You've already hurt her multiple times. She's cried because of you already and you're trying to stand here and tell me you won't hurt her?"

When Syaoran did not say anything, shocked to the core at Akinari's boldness, Akinari moved over to the desk to pick up the newspaper. "I didn't come here to fight with you, Li. You are still my boss and I am still on the clock, so you have every means to fire me. But, I won't just sit around your hospital and pretend like all of this shit going on has nothing to do with Sakura," Akinari said angrily. "I gave you warnings first, but I have no more warnings to give."

Syaoran's brows scrunched together. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying it's more of a threat now. I have to turn Sakura in at this point if any questions rose about me knowing your personal involvement with her. My license will be on the line too. Why should I do that for a man who can't even keep his genitalia area to himself or his temper under control?" Akinari asked, clenching his hand around the newspaper.

"I would never hurt her," Syaoran whispered. This was the only thing that made sense to him right now.

"I'm not like that bastard. I would never hurt her on purpose…and I would never leave her the way he did…"

Akinari stared at him for a moment, looking thoughtful, making Syaoran uncomfortable.

At this point, he was not sure if Akinari was being serious or not. It almost seemed unbelievable that the man would ruin his own friend's career. Syaoran understood that he could get in trouble too, but a friend would never do that to a friend they care about…right?

"How much do you know about Sakura?" Akinari asked suddenly.

Syaoran looked at him, glaring to build his wall of defense back up. "What?"

"How much do you _really_ know about her?" he asked again.

Syaoran swallowed, not sure if this was a trick question or not. "I know enough to know that I want to protect her…keep her safe from everything," he said confidently.

"How could you keep her safe when you're the one person putting her entire life at risk?" Akinari asked quietly.

Syaoran's instinctive emotion was anger at that statement, but he decided to push it down, remembering Akinari say something about his temper hurting Sakura.

"I…I can save her from all of this. I can prove to her that I'm a man she wants to be with…and I can show her that I'll never leave her," Syaoran said.

"Do you know that she can't sleep at night?" Akinari asked, ignoring everything else he had said.

"She's been sleeping at night since we started getting serious."

"Then, you would know that when she _does_ sleep, she wakes up at 2:37am every night because this is the time that Eichii tried to kill her," Akinari said.

Syaoran's breath caught in his throat. He had slept with Sakura multiple times and he had never seen her wake up at this hour if they were already sleeping.

"Every night at 2:37, when she sleeps, she wakes up and experiences the same thing that happened to her that night, and it's not fair. She has no one to comfort her at times like that, because no one knows what she's been through. No one understands her pain…and no one can save her from that pain besides herself. But, there are selfish people like you, who think they can come in and be the hero to benefit themselves," Akinari said distastefully. "So, no, you don't know enough about Sakura to protect her."

"She's strong," Syaoran said before Akinari could walk out and end the conversation. "She's the strongest person I know. You're right, I don't know everything about her, but I do know that she's strong. Despite everything she's been through. She can still smile. She still wakes up every day to face her own problems, while carrying the load of hundreds of people's problems. She's not a glass doll, so stop acting like she could be broken at any time!"

"I know she's not perfect. I know she's been through it all and deserves nothing but treatment of a glass doll, but who's to say that's what she wants? She's lost more than one loved one, and then one of them killed themselves, while she was there…trying her best to save another person…" Syaoran stopped, feeling the back of his eyes burn with angry tears. It was not just him who she wanted to help. It was everyone she could get her hands on.

"So, no, I'm sure that no one could ever match up to what she truly deserves. No one could ever understand her pain and probably never will. But, that doesn't mean that I can't be there for her in every possible way I can when she needs someone."

It was quiet in the room, neither one of them speaking a word to the other. Syaoran was almost tempted to tell the man to leave but wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Take a seat, Li," Akinari said, sitting in the chair across from Syaoran's desk.

Syaoran stared at him skeptically, wondering what the man is trying to get at. He hated this man…this was the man he felt threatened by because he was trying to take _his_ Sakura away from him.

"There's something you need to know about Sakura and it's not just a few seconds…sit," Akinari said calmly.

Hearing that it was about Sakura, Syaoran sat down at his desk, staring at the man hard. Just because he would have a decent conversation with him does not mean that he trusts him.

"You're right. Sakura is strong, and she does deserve to be treated like a queen…but she's not strong enough to take on her battles alone. She needs someone who—"

"I don't need you to tell me what kind of man she needs," Syaoran interrupted rudely.

"Just _listen_. She needs someone stronger than her. And, I'm in no way telling you that you're not strong, but she needs someone _stronger_ than her. Someone stronger for when she…" Akinari sighed, shaking his head. "Eichii is not dead."

* * *

Sakura held the pillow tightly to her chest as she drunk the hot cocoa from her favorite mug.

"Here are more blankets if you need them, sweetie," a kind, gentle voice said from behind her.

Sakura leaned forward, placing the cup on the table as she accepted the blanket from her father's hand. "Thank you," she said softly.

Her father smiled at her gently before sitting on the couch beside her.

She had decided to pay him a visit after the big bomb dropped. The first place she thought to run to was Tomoyo's place, but at the very last second, she turned and took the road to her old house.

She had nearly scared her father to death, knocking on his door at four in the morning after leaving Syaoran's place. But, instead of turning her away and assuming she is a mad woman, he accepted her with open arms. And, what felt like she had not done in forever, she broke down and cried in her father's arms, letting go of everything she had been holding in for years.

What made her even happier was the fact that her father did not question her behavior or spur of the moment actions. He just comforted her and made her feel valid for the things she felt.

 _"No one could ever invalidate the way you feel because they're your emotions; it's your tears and your problem that you have to deal with," he had said._

And that had only made the dam break even more.

"You doing alright now?" Fujitaka asked gently.

Sakura smiled at him a little, nodding her head. "I'm still sorry for springing up on you like this," she said quietly.

"Of course, you didn't. This is still your home, so you're welcome to come here any time. Even if it's four in the morning," he added the last part teasingly.

Sakura laughed softly, shaking her head. "I'm still sorry," she said, laying her head on his shoulder.

He let out a soft sigh, nudging her head off his shoulder. She looked at him, only to see him smiling and patting his lap.

She grinned, feeling like the old times before everything became serious in life.

She laid her head on his lap with the pillow resting under her head.

When he ran his hands through her hair, she hummed, grinning like a child on Christmas morning.

Her father continued to stroke her hair gently, soothing her like he used to in the old times. He had not even asked her anything, which swelled her heart even more. She knew that he had seen the news—who hadn't?

He had been on campus today, so she knew the students were talking too. He had to be aware of it. He was just not saying anything about it.

"How were your sessions this morning?" he asked.

"They were great. Mr. Kau came in today. He asked about you," she said.

"Oh, I haven't heard from him in a good bit since he graduated. I'm assuming he's doing fine now since the accident?"

Sakura nodded. "Yes. He's doing fine...everyone's doing fine, which is relieving," she said, mostly talking to herself.

All the patients she saw today were doing fine. None seemed on edge and they were all willing and cooperating.

"Well, that's good. Have you heard from your brother?"

Sakura smiled, nodding her head. "We usually talk at least once or twice a week. He says that he'll be down in two weeks or three from now. Nakuru's excited about it too."

"She is. Yukito's going to spend Christmas day with us as well. Do you still keep in contact with him? He constantly asks about you every time I see him," Fujitaka said.

Yukito lived closer to her father, so they often crossed paths with each other. It almost made Sakura jealous that they saw each other more than she saw them.

She shook her head. "No, not recently. I haven't even had much time to think about it with all that's been going on in my life. I guess that makes me selfish, huh?" she asked with a sad smile on her face.

Her father touched her face, making her look up at him. "Of course not. Don't you ever doubt and question yourself. You are the most selfless person alive that I know—"

"Oh, you know that's you," Sakura interjected with a blush on her cheeks.

"For you. I do everything in my life for you and Touya, so you guys could look at me and see me as a good example of a good person. You are not selfish, honey. Don't you ever doubt your character."

Sakura smiled sadly, sitting up from his lap. "Oh, what should I do?" she finally asked, wanting to get everything off her chest.

"Whatever your heart is telling you to do," he said, not surprising her one bit. It was like her father to always know when or what was bothering her.

"If your heart's telling you to do something and it's not causing you or anyone harm, you listen to it. Your heart could lead you to your happiness."

Sakura's eyes teared up, mouth wanting to spill everything to her father, so he could tell her what to do, but she knew she could not. If she would decide to have anything with Syaoran, she needed to keep his name as cleared as possible to her father, even if it was not already cleared.

"What should I do if one part is telling me something, but the other is telling me another thing?"

"Then, you wait and feel the situation out. I like to believe that your heart has never failed you or made you have any regrets in life, so it will be the same thing with this situation you're dealing with."

Sakura smiled at him and then hugged him tightly.

 _He's right._

"Just think about everything and the outcome of the situation...will it all be worth it?"

At that very question, it made Sakura wonder about that for the very first time.

* * *

 _"Will you please pick up my calls or answer my text? I'm worried sick about you and don't even know what to do with myself without you. You're not at your home, I always seem to miss you when you're at your practice. Just please. Call me when you can and—"_

Sakura ended the voicemail, unable to hear his voice anymore. It had been three days since everything went down. She was glad that Syaoran cleared everything up yesterday, and for confirming that nothing romantic was going on between them, besides a platonic relationship. That still did not stop the weird looks she received from others and the angry glares she received from women she was sure he has slept with.

And most importantly, it did not stop the people from following and watching her every move to see if she would see and meet with him again. This town was just too small for her.

A loud buzzing sound knocked her out of her thoughts, making her rush to the source. It was Akinari calling her for the first time that day.

She sighed, deciding to pick up the call she had been avoiding. It was not like she's in love with him, so there was no reason to distance herself from him too.

"Moshi...moshi," she answered uncertainly.

 _"Thank God, you've decided to finally pick up,"_ he said in an exasperated tone.

"Sorry...I just...needed space," she said quietly.

 _"You've had three days to get it together without my harassment, so where are you now?"_

Sakura frowned. "I've been staying at my dad's and Tomoyo's," she said.

 _"That explains a lot,"_ he said, sighing.

Sakura held her shirt tightly over her heart, not ready to see him yet. "I've still been at my practice every day, taking patients," she said, letting him know that she was not disappearing on everyone.

 _"I know you wouldn't do that. You're too selfless for that because you put others needs before your own..."_

When he trailed off, Sakura knew there was more. "What is it?"

 _"I hope you're putting yourself first right now,"_ he said.

She took a deep breath and then released it. "Let's go out, Aki," she said, deciding to settle things with him.

Just because there was a conflict between her and Syaoran did not mean she has to have it with everyone else. Plus, she still has this event to go with him to this month.

 _"Come over,"_ he suggested.

The first thought that crossed her mind was Syaoran. She knew he would not like that and would flip if he were to find out.

 _Stop it, Sakura. He is **not** your boyfriend and you're trying to get over him!_

Despite these thoughts, she still went with what her heart was telling her to do. "Let's meet at the usual cafe," she said.

 _"Okay, that's cool with me. I'll see you in about an hour?"_

She nodded, though he could not see her. "That'll be fine."

They bid each other goodbye before Sakura went to get ready.

Just as promised, they were sitting in the usual cafe an hour later.

Sakura took a sip from her cup of coffee, staring at Akinari's hand as he texted someone back.

"You...uh...been good?" he asked, sounding distracted.

"Do you have somewhere to be?" Sakura asked instead of answering the question.

"No, it's my patient," he said before switching his phone off. "Now, how are you?" he asked again.

She swallowed. "As what? Your friend or patient?" she asked cautiously.

Akinari sighed, shaking his head. "Friend, Sakura. I think you forget that we're still friends sometimes," he said sadly.

"It's just..."

"I know it's hard sometimes trying to distinguish between the two. A therapist is like a friend to a patient. As a therapist, the patient isn't the therapist friend, though. Right now, we're out as friends and nothing else. I'm trying to comfort you in a mutual friendship right now."

Sakura smiled at him sadly. "You're right. I'm sorry..." she said quietly.

"How are you holding up? I've seen the news and... the pictures," Akinari said carefully.

Sakura looked at him, catching the plural sound in the word. "Pictures?" she questioned.

"You haven't...? Yes, Sakura. They've caught more than one picture of you guys together. One at a bar downtown and you guys were headed to some restaurant some other time," Akinari explained, shocking Sakura even more.

Now she understood. These reporters were building this case within the last few months.

She let go of an awkward laugh. "It sucks living in a small town, huh," she said quietly.

"What are you doing, Sakura?" Akinari asked softly.

"I...at this point, I don't know. I started this and now, I don't know how to end it," she said.

"A patient, though, Sakura. Them, of all people? I wouldn't be hard on you at all if you didn't decide to take Li-san under your care, but you were still interested in him. He's your patient, though."

Sakura sighed, dropping her head. "I know…I've decided to stop seeing him," she said, dropping her head.

"What?" he asked, sounding like he could not believe her.

"After I saw the news, I ended it. I know the consequences of getting caught with a patient and I…I don't think it's worth losing my license over," she said.

"You don't sound convincing at all."

She sighed, annoyed with that response. "What do you expect me to do? I know it's wrong and that I shouldn't pursue this with him, so even if I wanted to, I wouldn't."

"You want to, though," he said.

Sakura looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"You want to be with him. Admit it, you're in love with him," Akinari said confidently.

"I…of course I'm not in love, you idiot. I just…appreciate his character. If I were truly in love with him, then I would've chosen to stay with him," Sakura said.

"Your neck says it all," he said, eyes landing on her neck.

"W-What?" she asked, subconsciously touching her neck. The spot her hand automatically landed on was a little sore, making her remember the other night. She knew he had left a mark in plain sight the other night, but she had been covering it with makeup for these past days.

How could she act so stupidly and forget to cover it today?

"I-I…" She did not know what to say; how to explain herself to him. There was nothing she could say.

Akinari let out a short laugh, making her cheeks flame even more as all the blood in her body rushed to her face. Or, so it felt that way. "The fact that you _slept_ with him, knowing full well that he's your patient says enough," he said, shaking his head.

That shut her up immediately, unable to defend herself for once in a long time.

"I'll admit it. You've changed Li-san, Saku. You've helped him, I mean. The moment I walk into the doors of his hospital, I can't help but notice it. For that, I'm glad. We've helped another person in our community…but, was it enough? Because you're not helping him anymore, will he revert back to his old ways? That is when we can both determine if you've truly helped him."

Sakura sighed again, feeling her annoyance rise with the man sitting across the table from her. "Who's side are you on? Are you telling me to stop therapy with him or keep helping him until he's fully better?" she asked.

"I'm telling you to do the right thing," he said.

"The right thing would be to stop seeing him when I know I have feelings for him—that I _do_ want to be with him," she said.

She could feel the hot tears brim her eyes at that confession. That was the first time she had ever said those words out loud.

They had so much more meaning to them now.

"I'm glad you're admitting your feelings—"

"Stop it! Just, stop it because you said that you're my friend right now, not my therapist," she said, sensing him try to slip into the therapist mode that all therapist slip into. "Are you going to turn me in?" she asked before he could even say another word about her behavior.

"Of course, I won't. I would never do that to you," he said.

Hearing the honesty and sincerity in his tone, Sakura could feel herself relaxing. She knew she could trust him.

"I mean, I may have said some threatening words to Li-kun, but I would never do that to you. I love you way too much for that," he said, smiling at her.

At hearing Syaoran's name, everything else went unheard. "What did you say to Syaoran?" she asked.

Akinari shook his head, chuckling. "Nothing you should worry about. I just gave him a little something to think about before he tries to hurt you. Just a man to man talk," he said.

Sakura frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"A talk that stays between two men," he said.

Sakura sighed, knowing he would not tell her.

"Seriously, though. He is—or, was, just a patient…just make sure nothing like this happens again. If something like this happens again, it's termination of license if someone finds out, okay?" he said seriously.

"I know…I just…got caught up in my feelings is all…"

"I know, it happens to everyone sometimes. How we learn from it determines how we will grow from the situation," he said.

Sakura sighed again. "You're right. I just wish that…this could all stop and disappear," she said.

"Nothing's ever that easy. Just hope and pray that it all blows over quickly," he said, smiling at her. "By the way, you don't think that Li-kun would…do anything, like ruining your career, right?" he asked worriedly.

Sakura scoffed. "Of course not. Syaoran may be a lot of other things, but he's not evil. He would never do anything like that. He's kind…and very trusting, I think," she said timidly.

Syaoran may have done and said some hurtful things in the past, but she knew that he would never do anything to sabotage her life. He had been so sweet and caring over this past month with her.

"You think?"

She nodded. "I would be a fool to completely trust a man with his history."

"You're right."

"Uhh…could you do me a favor?" she asked.

"Sure, of course."

"My group session's on Friday night…Syaoran attends them, and everyone know him there…so I'm sure that they'll have questions about everything that's going on so far—"

"Oh, Sakura, no…they know he's your patient?"

She dropped her head again. "I know. I just…I don't know what I've been thinking this entire time. Now, I have them to worry about too, because one of them could expose me…"

"Are they those type of people?"

Sakura shook her head. "Not that I know of…"

Akinari sighed, shaking his head. "What's the favor?"

"I was wondering if you could hold the sessions for the next couple of Fridays. Once he's seen you, he'll take the hint and stop coming," she said sadly.

Akinari stared at her for a while, as if he were trying to read her. "You know the girl I was telling you about a few weeks ago?" he asked after a few moments.

"What about her?" she asked, confused at his sudden change of topic.

"Turns out, I like her," he said.

Sakura grinned, forgetting all about her problems. "Really?"

He nodded. "She's great. She has all the traits I look for in a partner."

"What's the catch? I hear it coming…"

"She's a run away from an abuser. She's been living in Tomoeda, hiding from her abusive husband for the last two years…" he said quietly.

Sakura's breath caught in her throat at hearing the news. She could not understand why Akinari would bring this up to her, of all people.

"I just found this out after we've been talking for a month or so now. Now, I have to decide whether or not I can take on this baggage. She has major trust issues, always skittish and lying about certain aspects of her life…" he said.

Sakura swallowed, nodding her head. "So…what are you going to do?" she asked.

Akinari shrugged. "Is she worth everything I have to put up with because of the last guy in her life?"

"Well…if she has all the traits you want in a woman, I'd say yes," Sakura said uncertainly.

"Who's to say that the man won't find her, though? That's something I have to fear every day too. Not only will her life be the one remaining in danger, but so will mine be," he said. "But, will it all be worth it? That's what I have to find the answer to. That's what we all have to find the answer to in situations when it comes to things that could lead to love."

For some reason, Sakura could not help but wonder if he were throwing hints out to her.

"I will do the sessions for you and try to clear your name as much as possible. Just thought I could give you something to think about," he said.

Sakura smiled at him. "Thank you…and, I hope you come to a conclusion for your problem."

"I hope the same for you," he said before taking a sip from his cup.

Sakura looked at him, noticing a scratch on his mouth. "What happened to your face?" she asked.

* * *

Syaoran's leg bounced up and down under the table as he kept looking down at his phone.

A full week and a half had passed since he last saw and heard from Sakura. It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth.

He left messages and calls on end. Every single opportunity he had, he called her, sent her a text, left her voicemails. None of it worked.

She was never home, and she was apparently never at her practice. He had the shock of his life on Friday night seeing Akinari at the group session, announcing that he would be leading it.

It made his blood boil even more, so he just stormed out of the practice. He was extremely close to calling a search team out to find her.

After his meeting with Akinari, he knew what he could do to make Sakura trust him; to see how much he felt for her.

After Akinari told Syaoran that Eichii was still alive, he proposed a deal, telling him that he would spare his job if he told him where Eichii was. Once Akinari revealed Eichii's whereabouts, he sent him on his way. That was all he needed to hear.

For some reason, he could sense the emptiness in Akinari's threat, so that is why he was still fighting to see Sakura. He just wanted to know she is alright and safe at this point.

Her absence was driving him mad. Never mind the "No sex for Li Syaoran," because he still had his hand for that. He just wanted to know she is alright.

"Li," a familiar voice called, snapping him out his thoughts. "Just because you send her one hundred messages a day doesn't mean she'll respond to them."

Syaoran glared at the man softly, already on edge due to his irritation with Sakura's absence.

"Unless her phone is turned off, she's seen the very first message you sent her and chose not to respond to it."

Syaoran looked at Watanabe, annoyed that he was even here now. After postponing their meeting multiples time, Syaoran was on the verge to calling the entire lunch meeting off. "Why the hell are you so late?" he asked, glaring at the man.

Watanabe shrugged, sitting in the chair across from him. "Things to do," he said casually.

The man's attitude was ticking him off even further. How could he plan a brunch and then cancel on him multiple times, show up late when he finally decides to go through with it, and then act rude about it?

Syaoran took a deep breath, trying to calm his raging heart. He could do this. He could keep his temper under control like he had been before Sakura decided to disappear on him. "I thought we were good," Syaoran said calmly.

When Watanabe did not respond, Syaoran said, "We've been keeping up with each other's lives and the times we've given in."

"The times _I've_ given in. You're a week and a half clean, apparently."

Was that bitterness Syaoran detected?

"That's a good thing. You should be happy for me."

"How are you doing it?" he asked. "What's your secret to not giving into the urges? I've seen the news and I know that you have a lot of stressful events coming up. So, what are you doing to keep yourself from trying to feel?"

"Uhh…" He wanted to say it was because Sakura has not been around, but knew it was not possible. Plus, he did not use Sakura to make himself feel better.

Matter of fact, he was not even sure that he used sex to get rid of negative emotions he felt anymore. He may still feel the urges, but that is because it was just an instinctual thing. He had been doing it for more than half of his life, so of course his body still gets the urges.

"My hand and…control," he said awkwardly.

"Your hand," Watanabe said.

Syaoran sighed, feeling pathetic. "Yes, I've gotten my thoughts under control. Once you do that, everything else should go fine for you," Syaoran said confidently.

Watanabe stared at Syaoran for a moment, making him uncomfortable. "What?" Syaoran questioned, annoyed.

"I've been getting better too," he said.

Syaoran nodded. "I know and—"

"So much better, to the point where…I don't want to have this inability to not have kids anymore," he said quietly.

Syaoran stilled at hearing that statement. "…What?"

"I have a fiancée. I started attending therapy because of her a year ago. She was done with the cheating, so I decided to get help. And, now…because she sees that I've been getting better and haven't cheated on her since…before therapy, she's talking about our future and how she wants kids…" He stopped.

Syaoran did not know what to say, so he remained quiet.

"She doesn't know that I got a vasectomy years ago before we even met. It was because of the stupid urges. I thought I didn't want any kids at the time, but…my soon-to-be wife…I can't see us not having kids together anymore. The one and only thing that only **_we_** can make and share…I can't see that not happening anymore, so I…"

As if Syaoran sensed the next thing he would say, he smiled, suddenly understanding where the man is coming from. "I know this great surgeon who's success rate for reversals are high."

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to go to Li's event? You told him that you'd be there to support him," Tomoyo said, applying the makeup to Sakura's face.

"Yes, but that was before everything that happened. Besides, he probably doesn't even want me there anymore. I kind of did him wrong by disappearing on him like that. I feel really bad about it, but...I think that's what's best for the both of us. We aren't good for each other," Sakura said, meaning every word spoken.

"Open your eyes," Tomoyo instructed.

Sakura opened her eyes so her best friend could have a look at her.

Tomoyo nodded in approval before telling her to close her eyes again. "Why do you say that?" Tomoyo asked after Sakura closed her eyes again.

"Because...he triggers a side of me that I always keep hidden and I trigger a side of him that he's not afraid of showing. We have good conversations, a good time together, but we also argue a lot."

"That's because you're stubborn, Sakura," Tomoyo said, giggling.

Sakura smiled softly. "Not as stubborn as he is, though. He always wants his way and when he doesn't get it, he throws tantrums like a child would. It's so annoying," Sakura said.

Even though she complained about that, she miss it. Matter of fact, she miss _him_.

It had been almost three weeks since she had last seen him. It was a struggle not answering any of his texts or calls that he gave her every day. She had been staying with Tomoyo and her father for the last three weeks as well to avoid the man.

It was just her way of getting away from everything too.

Even though things were slowly going back to normal in her life since she stopped seeing him, she was not happy anymore.

She could feel herself seeping back into that hole of nothing that Tomoyo and everyone had said she lived in since her deceased boyfriend. However, it was a lot different this time.

She did not feel this—whatever it is she is feeling—when Eiichi died. She felt sad and like a failure because she failed him; to save him from his demons. But, now, she did not feel sad and like a failure since Syaoran left. She felt lost and lonely, like a huge chunk of her life was taken away when she stopped seeing Syaoran.

"Well, if you feel that it's best for you, I'm fully on your side and for your happiness more than anything else," Tomoyo said, smiling at her. "Now, let's see what color lipstick you should wear..."

Sakura thought about Tomoyo's statement. Since she stopped seeing Syaoran, her nights were even horrible again. She felt that event play over and over again every night at 2:37am. She could only conclude that it was because she did not have any distractions anymore, but deep down inside, she knew it was because she did not feel that protection anymore.

A protection that only Syaoran could offer her. She miss him.

"Here is the perfect color—"

"I think I'll drop by the ball," Sakura said. "Just to see if he's doing alright, you know...have some type of closure within myself to know that he's doing alright."

Tomoyo turned to her with a smile on her face. "Just let me know when you get there, and I'll stick by your side," she said encouragingly.

Sakura smiled at her, nodding her head. "Thanks."

"Now, give me your lips."

Sakura smiled, letting Tomoyo work the rest of her magic on her face.

As soon as Sakura slipped the expensive green and gold dress on, her phone rung, making her jump in surprise. She picked it up, looking at the caller ID.

Her heart clenched in her chest, seeing Syaoran's name.

 _Shouldn't he be getting ready right now?_

She pressed the phone off, ignoring the call once again.

Three weeks had passed, and the man was still being persistent with her. She had been right to think that Syaoran is way more stubborn than she is.

As soon as the call ended, a text came through right afterwards.

She picked her phone up immediately, reading the text.

 ** _'I know that I'm bugging the hell out of you, but just...please...answer my calls. I really miss you and want you here tonight. This event and this deal won't feel complete if the one important person in my life isn't here...'_**

Sakura read through the text a few more times, feeling the hot liquid burn the back of her eyes. She blinked the tears away immediately, not wanting to ruin Tomoyo's makeup.

Her phone rang again just as her mind decided to pick up the next one Syaoran would call. Instead, it was Akinari.

 _Oh._

She picked up the phone.

 _'Hey, I'm downstairs,'_ he said.

She smiled. "Okay. I'll be down in a few minutes," she said.

"30 minutes," he joked.

She giggled, hanging the phone up on him. Sakura turned to the full length mirror, examining Tomoyo's handiwork.

Her hair was pulled up in a high, curly ponytail with her bangs curled and framing her face. There was a green and gold butterfly clip in her hair that made the style look even fancier.

Tomoyo had treaded lightly with the makeup. A bit of foundation, eyeliner, gold eyeshadow, and mascara complimented her emerald eyes. Tomoyo stuck with a light shade of red to apply to her lips to emphasis the Christmas theme, though her green, sparkling gold dress was enough to.

At the thought of her dress, her eyes landed on the expensive material covering her body.

Though the dress revealed enough to catch the eye, it covered just enough to keep her warm.

It has a V-neck, revealing a bit of cleavage with its off **-** shoulder strap that has gold soft feathers around it. The upper part of the green sparkling dress fits her like a second coat of skin, but it fell gracefully down her hips to the floor. Though the fabric is silk and soft to the touch, there is still sparkling gold embedded in the material, making her appearance glisten.

She had to admit; Tomoyo outdid herself in this dress for the event.

Sakura picked up her gold scarf and the jacket that would keep her warm in the cold, snowy night.

After taking one more glance at her appearance, she noticed the light blush would not leave her cheeks.

She took a deep breath before slipping the gold heels on her feet and walking out of the dressing room to Tomoyo's room.

"You look gorgeous!" Tomoyo exclaimed as soon as she walked out of the room.

Sakura's face heated up even more as her best friend complimented her with a camera in hand, snapping pictures. "Because of you," she said sheepishly.

"Oh, honey, it's you who makes this look boom!"

"Mou...isn't Aki downstairs?" she asked, hoping to get the attention off her.

"Hold on, you have to pose for me," Tomoyo nearly begged as she continued to snap the photos.

Sakura giggled, not knowing what to do with her best friend.

Tomoyo instructed her to do a few poses before she called an end to the mini photoshoot.

"Okay, let's get you downstairs, because Aki's waiting. Come on, so his pants can be knocked off," Tomoyo teased.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop it," she mused, still letting Tomoyo lead her downstairs.

As soon as they reached the end of the stairs, Akinari spoke, "The star of the show."

Sakura looked at him, feeling flustered at the compliment.

He chuckled, walking over to her. "You look absolutely stunning," he said before kissing her forehead lightly.

She smiled. "You clean up well too," she said softly.

"I would suggest taking pictures, but I know we all must get going," Tomoyo said, looking a little disappointed.

"You took pictures before we got down here, though," Sakura said sheepishly.

"Yeah, but not with you guys together," Tomoyo said, nudging her suggestively.

Sakura giggled, being reminded of how her friend truly is.

"You know I can't have enough photos of you." It was like Tomoyo to obsess over her.

"I wish I could've seen the outlook of your appearance too," Sakura said, looking at her sadly.

Tomoyo waved it off. "I'll have pictures to show you. Besides, I won't be leaving until another hour when Eriol decides to get off work."

"Alright. And, thank you," Sakura said, hugging her tightly. "For everything."

Tomoyo giggled, shaking her head. "You can stay here as long as you want, honey. My home is your home," she whispered back in her ear before they pulled apart.

"I'm not sure yet, but I may be back here after the event."

Tomoyo nodded. "Have fun, you two." She waved at Sakura as they made their way to the door.

"You too," Sakura called over her shoulder as she put the warm, red coat on.

Akinari said his farewells and then led Sakura out the house.

As soon as the night air hit her skin, she shivered. "God, it's freezing," she said, wrapping the scarf around her neck more to keep warm.

Akinari wrapped his arm around her, offering her some of his warmth.

Sakura smiled at him, appreciating the kind gesture, but she still felt cold.

When Syaoran would hold her, everything always warmed inside her body, no matter the weather.

Even that night Meiling arrived and he left his apartment, it had been freezing, but as soon as he wrapped his arms around her, making her feel like she was the only thing he needed to survive, she forgot all about the cold. She had thought the connection between them was just lust, but every part of her body told her it was something else.

Her heart told her it was something more. She miss _him_. Not the sex, not the weird things he made her feel in those moments of intimacy or their time spent together; she miss Li Syaoran.

She miss his amber eyes that looked at her like she was the only woman in the world. His mouth that had spewed so many hurtful things, yet from where she could hear the cry for love with each word spoken. She miss his loving touches that made her feel protected and like he would never let anyone, or thing hurt her in this world.

She just miss him.

And, for some reason, she felt that there was not a thing in this world that could help her turn back time and change things to the way she wished they could be.

"You okay, Sakura?"

Instantly, she was snapped out of the trance of realization at hearing that voice. "Eh?" she asked.

"We're here," Akinari said.

Sakura looked around, seeing that they were sitting in Akinari's car, parked outside a hospital.

"When did—how did we—" Sakura took a look around her again. "Why are we at the hospital?" she asked, lost out of her mind. How deep in her thoughts was she? Did he mention that the plans were changed? What was going on?

"Uh...the ball? Remember? Are you okay, Sakura?" Akinari asked, looking at her concerned.

"No—I mean, huh? The ball? I thought we were—" She stopped, trying to process everything going on right now.

And then, it hit her. The entire time, everyone had been talking about the same thing. She had told Tomoyo that Akinari had something else going on somewhere else, which probably confused Tomoyo too about knowing she would be here.

Syaoran had told her it was a charity banquet, while Akinari called it a Christmas ball, so she assumed they were two different things.

She felt so stupid.

"Look around, Sakura," Akinari said.

She looked around, seeing so many cars that she did not know could all fit here. It almost looked like the entire Tomoeda had invited their friends and families to the event apparently.

"He won't even notice you're here. There's way too many people here and he's going to be too busy talking with the higher ups, so don't worry," he said in a caring tone.

Little did he know, Sakura was not worried about that. It was the fact that she was here as Akinari's date after Syaoran had asked her to be his. They left on a bad note because of Akinari's name, but now she was here with him as a date?

Sakura's eyes closed, head suddenly spinning. She did not know if she could do this anymore.

A hand grabbed hers, making her look in his direction. "I promise you that it's going to be okay. I wouldn't have brought you here if I thought otherwise," he said.

Sakura swallowed, nodding her head nervously. "You're right. I'm just overthinking things," she said, smiling at him uncertainly.

He squeezed her hand gently. "Come on," he said, opening his door and making his way to her side to help her out.

He grabbed her hand, gently leading her inside with him. She held his hand tighter, wanting to believe that Akinari was right, but something told her otherwise. Syaoran would spot her.

Before the night was out, he would find her there and she would not know how to react when he did.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry for the late update! The next chapter is already done, so you guys won't have to wait this long agian! Again, thank you guys so much for the reviews(I think I responded to them? lol. I have too much going on, if it isn't obvious :P), follows, and favorites. Thanks to my beta, thedeviantme! Her helps is also much appreciated!**

 **What did you guys think of this chapter, aside from the torture of our lovebirds being separated? And the cliffhanger?**

 **One more week before the semester is over, so updates should be a bit more frequent, as I'm not even going to pick back up on my hours at work. I'm literally mentally, physically, and spiritually drained, so I need a break lol.**

 **Anyway, I'm going to try and get some rest, since it's extremely late! If it isn't obvious from looking at almost every update I post with my stories on Fanfiction, I have insomnia, so I suck at getting rest, bleh.**

 **Ja ne!**


	31. Rejection Destroys the Soul

**"Rejection Destroys the Soul"**

* * *

"Dr. Li's a great surgeon, wouldn't you say?" a man said, grinning at Syaoran.

Syaoran smiled at him half-heartedly, though the smile was forced. He had been here for the last hour trying to look grateful and excited about the trial they were about to start, but he could not feel it. All he could feel was pain and abandonment as his eyes scanned the room every few seconds.

He could barely focus on the important conversations with the rich people from around the world who would be giving money to his hospital.

Despite everything to distract himself from her, his mind and heart always drifts back to her. She had really left him hanging without anything.

There was no kiss, no goodbye, or even a text to let him know that they were over for good.

There were so many questions running through his head like, did he do something wrong? Or, wasn't he a good person? Was he not good enough?

He had thought they were still good after their lovemaking that night. He knew he had been angry with her for giving up on them like that and showed her, but he did not mean for her to think he did not want to have anything to do with her.

When he saw her missing body the next day, no note behind or text, he felt _used_. And then, she had not cleared this feeling up after ignoring his texts and calls the following days.

She had _used_ him. For what, though? To have one last act of intimacy? A distraction from her problems?

Has she been using him this entire time while he has been wanting to be with her?

He could not help but feel like this was karma coming back to bite him in the butt for treating all those women like that in the past.

He wanted to pull his hair out in frustration of not knowing anything, since she was ignoring him.

When he called her tonight before the event started, he had the slightest bit of hope that she may answer and tell him that she would show, but she still ignored his call.

Nothing had ever hurt more than this.

"Master Li?" a familiar voice called, snapping him out of his thought.

He looked up, seeing a familiar tall man with grey hair. He had the same moustache Syaoran had seen years ago and the same spectacles.

"Wei?" he called, staring at the man.

Wei offered him a kind smile, walking closer to him. "It has been a while," he said politely.

Syaoran did not know what came over him to do this, but he engulfed the man in a tight, friendly embrace, feeling his mind and heart ease a bit.

Wei stood in his spot, unmoving of Syaoran's behavior, which was no surprise to Syaoran. He had been Meiling and his butler back in the day when Syaoran stayed in Hong Kong. He had been more than a butler to Syaoran, though.

He was more like a mentor that guided Syaoran in every aspect of his life. He was his best friend.

"What are you doing here?" Syaoran asked once he pulled back.

"I heard from your sisters and Meilin-sama about the event and the project your hospital will be a part of," he said.

Syaoran could not help but feel grateful for his sisters and Meilin's mouth for once. He had not seen this man in years, which he could admit is his fault, but that did not matter. He is here now.

"You could've told me that you were coming, and I would've had everything arranged for you and a place to stay. When did you get here?" Syaoran asked, smiling half-heartedly at a man who had just walked by, greeting him.

"I just got in yesterday," he said. "I didn't want to bother you or bring anymore stress on your plate."

Syaoran shook his head. "Of course not. You know I would never consider you bringing stress in my life," he said.

Wei smiled at him gently. "I'm glad to see that you're doing well," he said.

Syaoran sighed. "Yeah. A lot has changed."

"I can tell. I'm proud of you," Wei said, making Syaoran smile genuinely for the first time that entire night.

"Thank you."

"Your sisters and Meilin are coming over right now," he warned, looking behind Syaoran.

Syaoran did not even bother to turn around, not wanting to show them his gratitude. He was never one to wear his "pleased" emotions on his shoulder. He was very grateful to have them here for him, though.

"There you are, baby brother!" he heard Feimei say, hugging him from behind.

This made him turn around, having her hang on his shoulder. "Let go, Feimei," he hissed, starting to feel embarrassed when he saw others staring at them.

"We've really been looking for you all night," Fanren said, staring at him. "Glad to see that Wei could make it too."

They all greeted Wei before turning their attentions to Syaoran.

"I've been busy, if it isn't obvious," he said dully.

Fuutie nodded. "We know. We just wanted to tell you how proud we are," she said, smiling at him.

Syaoran could feel his cheeks warming at the sincerity in his sisters' actions, yet he had been treating them horribly since they arrived. He felt a little bad.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "You guys look beautiful, too."

When they squealed and started hugging him, he regretted giving them the compliments.

"Guys, stop," he hissed, trying to get them off.

They always caused a scene everywhere they went, which would bring direct attention to him.

"Oh! There he is," Syaoran heard Clow say, pointing at him as he walked over to him with another man at his side.

His sisters released him, moving back to give him his time. "We'll be sitting at that table over there," Fuutie said, pointing to a nearby table.

He nodded, catching Meilin's eye for a moment before looking away. She had not said anything at all to him tonight, which was shocking.

After Wei informed that he would go with them, they all left just before Clow and the man stood in front of him. "I hope we didn't just run anyone important away," Clow said in a joking tone.

Syaoran shook his head, smiling at the man a little. "No, sir. Those were my sisters, who live in Hong Kong," he said.

"Oh, they came all the way over here for this event to support you?"

"Yes, sir…" he said.

Clow smiled. "It's good you have such a great support group."

Syaoran nodded, looking at the man beside him who has brown hair and brown eyes that were hidden behind glasses. He looked oddly familiar, yet he could not remember where he had seen him from.

"Yes, this is my good friend, Kinomoto Fujitaka. We grew up together from elementary school and have never missed a day where we talked with one another to check up. Fujitaka, this is the man who will change the world and save my daughter's life," Clow introduced.

Syaoran froze, standing in front of the man, who was smiling at him kindly.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Li. I've heard nothing but great things about you from my dear friend," Fujitaka said, holding his hand out to shake his hand.

Syaoran could not find the courage or strength to shake the man's hand, seeing that it is Sakura's _father_. He opened his mouth, trying to speak something—anything that would make sense to the man. Nothing came out, though.

Clow threw his head back, laughing at his reaction, snapping Syaoran out of his stupor. "Dr. Li can be very comical sometimes," he commented.

Syaoran cleared his throat loudly, grabbing Fujitaka's hand, shaking it firmly. "I-I'm very pleased to meet you! I-I've heard a lot about you as well—I mean, I know you're a professor and archaeologist from…" He stopped, realizing that the man may not know about him and Sakura. "I mean…I…I…"

He wanted to disappear at this very moment, making a fool out of himself in front of the one and only man he had ever wanted to impress.

Before he had even met Sakura's dad, he knew that he wanted to, because she spoke so greatly about him. She had never said anything bad about the man, so he could barely wait to meet him when he started realizing he wanted to be with Sakura.

And, now…

Fujitaka chuckled, attempting to pull his hand back, making Syaoran realize he still had a tight grip around the man's hand.

 _Fuck._

"I'm glad to know there's a person who wants to change the world in one of the most helpful ways possible," Fujitaka said kindly, making Syaoran feel like the worst human alive.

The man had not even said anything offensive, yet he felt like the biggest sinner beside the man.

"Th-thank you," he managed to say.

Clow chuckled, patting Syaoran's shoulder. "I don't know what's gotten into you, boy, but I hope you haven't been acting this way with all the other guests tonight."

Syaoran could feel his entire face flush, embarrassed for being called out in front of the man. "N-no, of course not! I just…" He looked around for help—anyone, at this point. When he spotted Yamazaki, he said, "W-would you guys excuse me? There's someone I have to talk with over there." He pointed to Yamazaki's direction.

Clow chuckled, nodding his head.

"It was nice meeting you, Dr. Li. I hope we cross paths again," Fujitaka said gently, smiling at him.

Syaoran swallowed, bowing his head very low. "Y-you too. And I hope the same," he stuttered before scrambling away from them.

He had not expected to meet her father this way. If he had known he would meet her father tonight, he would have come more prepared than this. He would have practiced his introduction, at least, but now…

 _Did I ruin it?_

"Syaoran!"

Syaoran looked at Yamazaki, nodding. "Glad you guys could make it," he said. "Where's your wife?"

Yamazaki pointed to a direction in the room, making Syaoran look. "Over there with Daidouji and their crew," he said.

Syaoran froze, eyes immediately spotting the back of the head of familiar auburn hair.

"They forced me to come over and get the drinks—"

Syaoran was letting his instincts lead him over to her until she threw her head back, laughing at something someone said in the group. When her head turned towards a person, his gaze followed hers, only to see Akinari standing dangerously close to her.

And then he saw it.

His hand on her back, caressing the little skin that was shown from her green dress.

He stared for a moment, unmoving as his head tried to register the sight. His heart had registered immediately, telling him that she had come here with _him_ , which made the ugly green monster come to life. His head just could not figure out _why_ she would do this to him.

As if Akinari could feel someone glaring fire at the back of his head, he looked over from the corner of his eye, catching Syaoran's eye.

When they locked eyes for a moment, Syaoran ripped his eyes away immediately when seeing Akinari's hand slide down to her lower-back slowly.

And that was his breaking point.

He stormed over to the group, pushing past the people in his way, getting ready to yank Sakura away from Akinari but someone stopped him.

"Dr. Li! I'm very pleased to meet you!" the man said, holding his hand out to shake. "My name's Yazuka Rui."

Syaoran kept his eyes on Sakura, shaking the man's hand. He could faintly remember Clow mentioning something about this man donating a large sum to the trial, but his jealousy clouded that.

"Yeah, yeah, you too. Could I get back to you? I have to get somewhere," he said, hoping to sound polite, but he really did not care. He just wanted to get over there and talk to Sakura after killing Akinari for trying him this way.

"Oh, I didn't know you were in a rush—"

"Yes, I'll be right back."

Before the man could respond, Syaoran was already rushing over to the group of people. He almost snapped on the other people who kept stopping him to congratulate him and wish him luck on the new trial.

When he finally reached the group, he grabbed Sakura's shoulder gently, making her turn around to face him.

His breath caught in his throat, seeing how beautiful she still looked after not seeing her in three weeks. Her emerald eyes stared at his in shock, making him unable to look away from her face. Everything about her looked the same, minus the extra makeup on her face that enhanced her beauty.

If he were as irrational as he was months ago, he would have leaned down and kissed her red lips in front of all these people without a care in the world.

"Li-kun," he heard someone in the group call, but he could not tell who it was, too entranced by the woman in front of him.

"My date looks beautiful, doesn't she?" Akinari asked, snapping him out of it.

"Aki," Sakura hissed, glaring at him.

"Date?" Syaoran questioned, sounding highly offended, not caring that everyone in the group could tell. He thought it was his imagination earlier when Akinari touched her like that when he caught his eye, but now he was sure the man was pulling on his leg.

" _Please_ ," Sakura said, begging him with her eyes to not do this.

How could he not, though?

"Yes, date. I asked her to come with me, and she willingly said yes," Akinari said confidently.

Syaoran clenched his jaw, closing his eyes tightly to calm himself down. He could not ruin his night by acting out in front of all these people who are putting their trust in him. He had too many people trusting and believing in him.

He could remain calm until he got the man alone. Then, he would kill him.

Tomoyo giggled, drawing the attention to her from everyone. "Akinari don't be rude to the other men here who thinks I did a fabulous job on Sakura," she said.

Chiharu laughed along with her, nodding her head. "That's very true. Sakura does look gorgeous," she said.

"Mou, was putting this much attention on me necessary?" Sakura asked sheepishly, cheeks coloring.

"Blaming it on the boys here fighting over you," Chiharu said, winking at her.

Syaoran looked away from them, catching Akinari's eye again and then looking down at his hand on her lower back still. He was sure he had a murderous look on his face, demanding the man to get his hands off her.

Akinari's hand slid a little lower before he removed his hand with a mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

 _He is doing it on purpose!_

"There's no fighting when she's already _mine_ tonight," Akinari said, grinning at the group.

Sakura frowned. " _Aki_ ," she murmured.

"Oh, look! There's Yamazaki and Eriol coming back with the drinks!" Tomoyo said, pointing towards the two coming over to them.

"Oh, look who decided to join the group," Eriol said.

When Syaoran and Eriol caught each other's eye, there was a silent agreement between them that said they would behave.

Since Eriol had come to his hospital asking about his wife, Syaoran and him had been on a mutual ground. Not friends, but not hating each other, either.

Whenever they saw each other, Eriol never commented on his addiction and him getting help, so Syaoran did not have any problems with him anymore.

He nodded, acknowledging Eriol.

"So, this is where you ran off to," Yamazaki said to Syaoran.

"Yeah… I didn't know that _all_ of you would be here tonight," he said, hinting at Sakura that he is still upset with her disappearance.

"Of course we would be, Li-kun. We support you," Rika said.

Syaoran looked at everyone, seeing that Naoko and Rika were here as well. He had not even noticed them, thanks to Akinari playing with his emotions right now.

"Thank you, guys. I really appreciate your support," he said sincerely.

"Any time. I know a lot has went down between us, but if you need anything when the trial starts, just ask," Yamazaki said.

"He's right," the others agreed.

For the second time that night, a genuine smile crossed his face. "Thanks," he said, though his heart still had that tightening pull in his chest, since Sakura had not said anything.

She would not even _look_ at him. That hurt like hell too.

He let out a breath, hoping it relieved some of the pain. "I'm—"

"Dr. Li! There you are," he heard someone call from behind him.

He turned around, seeing an old, wrinkled lady with grey hair. "Ms. Ahiru," he acknowledged. Clow had told him about her too.

"It's hard to catch you around here. Come with me, boy, I'd like you to meet someone," she said, voice trembling a bit.

His heart tightened even more in his chest, knowing that he would have to leave her behind with _him_. He was stuck between telling the woman "no," while also going because he had to. Clow had told him that he would have to kiss up to these people so that they would feel giving.

"We'll catch you later, Li-kun," Sakura said, making him turn around to look at her.

He was almost sure that his heart was bleeding at this point, because she had stabbed him right in the chest.

"Come on," Ahiru said, grabbing his arm.

"Yeah, I'll see you guys around," he said, turning away from them, deciding that he would just wait to get Sakura alone before the night was out.

He would make sure of it.

* * *

"Why would you do that, Aki?" Sakura hissed at him, glaring as they stood where the entrance of the hospital was, away from everyone else.

Akinari had used the excuse of seeing some of his coworkers to get them away from the group when Sakura caught his eye.

Akinari chuckled, shaking his head. "Because it was funny," he said nonchalantly.

"It was not! That was very mean and unlike you—well, not unlike you, but that was wrong on so many levels. Did you see the way he looked when you said that? He had asked me to be his date for this event, but I rejected him, thinking I had to go to another event and you just threw it in his face back there. How could—"

"I thought you were over him," he interrupted her.

"W-what?"

"You're not in love with him, remember? It was your decision to reject him and ignore him, remember?" he asked.

She was baffled by his response, not believing he had just said that. "Y-yes, but—"

"Why does it matter that he's jealous that you're here with me as my date, then?"

"I-I never said it matters, but you…"

When she looked up at him, she glared, seeing a knowing smile on his face. "I'm not in love with him, idiot—"

"Then, it doesn't matter that he's flirting with that beautiful nurse over there, does it?" he said, staring somewhere behind her.

Immediately, Sakura looked in the direction Akinari was looking. Syaoran was still with the older woman, looking like he needed an escape.

Akinari burst out laughing, causing a frown to form on her face. "That was mean," she murmured.

"The look you just had on your face! I didn't think it mattered since you aren't in love with him, remember?"

Her frowned deepened and she shoved him playfully. "Stop…" she said quietly.

He shrugged before wrapping his arm around her shoulder, pulling her over to him in a hug. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you in this much pain anymore," he said, kissing the side of her head.

"And telling me that he's talking to another woman will help?" she asked.

"No. Just helping you realize your feelings," he said.

"Oi!"

Sakura looked up, seeing her brother walk over towards her with a frown on his face.

Akinari dropped his arm from around her when Touya glared at him dangerously.

"Do you have to be mean to my guy friends, too?" Sakura asked, pursing her lips.

She had seen him earlier, along with her father, Nakuru and Aika. They had talked together for a bit before Clow came and snatched her father, claiming he wanted to introduce him to someone important.

Sakura had said that her and Akinari would go where their friends were after a while, which Touya allowed, saying they would not be alone, so it was okay. She had rolled her eyes, feeling happy that her brother was still the same after everything that happened.

"Only the ones who can't keep their distance," he said, making Akinari move over from her a little.

"I'm sorry," Sakura apologized.

Akinari chuckled, shaking his head. "Not a problem. I like him for this. Maybe he'll scare the _others_ away," he said, being painfully obvious who he is talking about.

She shook her head. "Is Yuki and Yue here?"

"What does he mean by others?" Touya asked, completely ignoring her. "I hope he isn't referring to that _gaki_."

"Oh, he knows about him?" Akinari asked, raising a brow.

"Please, can we not get on this topic here?"

"Of course I know that bastard was looking at my sister like that. I would've buried him after murdering him if it were not for me being in recovery," he said.

Sakura pursed her lips. "Are they?" she asked, referring to her earlier question.

Touya shook his head. "They couldn't make tonight. Yue's not coming down, and Yuki's coming to spend Christmas with us—Dad didn't tell you?"

"He told me that Yuki would spend Christmas with us, but I figured they would come tonight, since they're pretty close with Mr. Reed," Sakura said.

"Nope. Why are you guys here, though? Come where everyone else is. I don't feel comfortable with you guys being here alone," he said, motioning them to follow him.

Sakura rolled her eyes, pulling Akinari's arm to drag him along with her to make Touya feel comfortable.

"Your brother's still scary?" Akinari murmured to Sakura.

"I heard that," Touya said, glaring at the man, making Sakura giggle. "Sit at this table here. They're supposed to be starting the bids very soon. I just need to see where Mr. Reed has dragged father—and where is my wife with my kid?" Touya was already walking away, looking around for said people.

Sakura giggled, shaking her head. "My brother always has his nose in everything," she said.

"He just worries too much, it seems," Akinari said, looking around at all the people. "Are you going to give me a dance tonight?"

Sakura looked around at all the people who were conversing with each other and enjoying themselves. She turned back to him with a smile on her face. "If you go and get my drink," she said.

He rolled his eyes. "Wine or something much stronger?"

"Wine is fine."

"Wait here," he said, already standing from the chair and walking away.

She let out a relieved sigh, finally able to breathe correctly. Ever since Syaoran had spotted her, she had been on edge all night. She had tried her best to keep herself together when he approached her like that.

When she saw him, everything hit her at once, making her heart ache in her chest. They had been lost in each other's presence, yet they were surrounded by so many people. It was always like that when they were together.

She reminded herself to thank Tomoyo for breaking the trance between them. If Tomoyo had not, she would have let him drag her out of that place, so they could go somewhere alone if he had tried to.

"Sakura-san?" a soft voice called her.

She looked up, seeing the Li sisters standing, staring down at her. Uncomfortable and awkward was the only thing she could feel.

"H-hi!" she stuttered, standing from the seat, bowing to them.

"We haven't seen you all night. We were sure you wouldn't be coming," Fuutie said, smiling at her sweetly.

"Have you seen our brother tonight, yet? I know he's been occupied with all these old farts," Feimei said.

Sakura giggled, nodding. "I saw him briefly earlier," she said.

When she counted all the sisters, she noticed one person missing.

"Where's Meilin?" Sakura asked.

"Uhh…she said she had to go to the restroom when we told her that we'd come to look for you," Fanren said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh," Sakura said, getting a bit curious about her absence.

"You want to come sit with us? It must be lonely sitting here alone because your brother left you," Shiefa said.

"O-oh, no. He hasn't—"

"And, who are these beautiful ladies?"

Sakura looked at Akinari, seeing that he had the glass of wine in his hand. He handed it to her, making her stand. "U-uh…this is Syaoran's sisters, Fuutie, Shiefa, Fanren, and Feimei. Guys, this is Akinari, my…good friend," she introduced awkwardly.

The sisters were quiet for a moment, looking at him, almost suspiciously before they shook his hand.

"It's nice to meet the Li sisters," he said once they all shook his hand.

When an awkward silence passed between them, Akinari let out an awkward cough, looking at them. "I'll leave you ladies to it, then. I'm going to go and speak to some of my coworkers," he said.

They all bid him goodbye before turning to Sakura when he left.

"He's your date?"

"I thought you were my brother's date?"

"Does he like you?"

"Did something happen between you and Syaoran?"

"I…" Sakura shook her head, unsure of how to answer all of their questions.

"I understand why you decided to come with someone else, though. I mean, look at our poor brother. He's literally getting dragged around by everyone," Fanren said.

"Or, is there something more to that excuse?" Fuutie asked, staring at Sakura intensely.

The look reminded her of Syaoran's. It was a bit unnerving.

"N-no. It's nothing like that. Aki is just a good friend I went to—"

" _Aki_?" Fuutie questioned. "I thought his name was Akinari."

"It's a long story, you see—"

"Sakura owes neither of you an excuse," a masculine voice interrupted, making her look in his direction immediately.

"Syaoran," she said breathlessly.

He grabbed her wrist, making her stand up. "Come on," he said dangerously, already pulling her with him.

"Hey, can't I walk on my own?" Sakura said, attempting to pull her arm back from him, but his grip tightened as he pulled her towards the staircase after opening the door.

When the door closed behind them, Syaoran cornered her in the wall and his body so she could not escape. "So, you can run off and disappear again? I don't think so," he said, glaring down at her.

Her heart felt like it would jump out of her chest. Quite frankly, she was not sure if it was because she was scared or excited to see him again.

"Why the fuck are you here with him?" he asked, resting his hand on the wall and cold window, beside her head.

Her breathing picked up, looking down so she could not see his eyes.

"Sakura," he called, irritation dripping from his tone.

"I…" she stopped. "We should go back before people start to notice you're gone."

"I don't give a _fuck_ about that right now, Sakura. Make me understand why the hell you told me no to being my date, but you're here with this bastard," he demanded, closing his eyes tightly.

She could see the pain written all over his face, yet she could not bring herself to stop this pain that she knew he had been suffering with forever. The only difference this time was that she was the source of this pain.

"Because, we can't be together," she finally said.

His eyes shot open, making her freeze in her spot, seeing the pain in his amber eyes. "Tell me you don't want to be with me then. Just fucking say it so I can know if I need to move on," he demanded.

When her silence made tears well in his eyes, she knew she could not give him false hope. "I…" She closed her eyes, not able to lie and look him in the eyes.

"No, you fucking look at me and tell me. Don't you dare try to take the coward way out of this. I told you we could make this work if we both want it, so you tell me your answer now," he said.

Her lips trembled as she opened her eyes. "Have you been with anyone else for these three weeks I've been gone?" she asked, fearing his answer would break the rest of her bleeding heart.

"No," his answer was quick and confident, making her _almost_ fully believe him.

"How do I know that?" she asked, looking him directly in the eyes.

"I don't know, Sakura, but you're just going to have to take that leap of faith and believe me when I say it," he said, letting his hand slide down beside her head to her shoulder.

Her breath caught in her throat as her body set on fire the moment his hand touched her bare skin. "D-don't touch me," she stuttered, though she made no move to push him away. She knew how this would end. It always ends the same.

She would try to have a reasonable conversation with him, but he would start kissing her, making her fall under his spell. She would not let it happen this time.

"Do you believe me?" he asked quietly.

"No," came her response, though she did not mean it.

"So, you think I haven't changed at all, even after everything we've been through? All the conversations?" he asked, looking at her desperately; begging her not to make him feel like he was still the same guy she met months ago.

When she did not say anything, he let out an aggravated sound, making her look at the door, fearing that someone would hear and walk in on them. "Will you just be honest with me? Please, for this once, Sakura. Just this once, tell me the truth," he said, moving his hands from her body to respect her wishes.

"You've slept with someone else," she stated, looking away from his eyes. "When you finally admit that, then I'll tell you the truth."

"Who the hell do I want to sleep with besides you, Sakura? You know I don't have the desire to even look at another—"

"I don't know that," she said, despite her heart and mind knowing that.

"Look at me and tell me that, then. You should at least have the decency to do that," he said, his voice starting to crack.

 _God, please don't cry…_

"Can you please let me get back to my date?" she asked calmly, trying her best to keep her emotions in check. If she did this, both of them could move on with their lives.

She could see his teeth grit in anger at her question. "What the fuck, Sakura? Are you enjoying putting me in this much pain? Is this your way of getting back at me for everything I've done over the years? I deserve every bit of it, but give it to me while being with me," he said, letting his hand caress her face, making it heat up.

"Aki—"

"I don't give a fuck about that bastard, so will you stop mentioning him?" he said through grit teeth.

"What do you want me to say? You wouldn't want everyone here to think that you came and took one of your employee's dates because you couldn't get your urges under control, right?"

His breath caught in his throat, making him drop his hand from her face. She knew that had hurt him. She just hoped it hurt him enough to want to move on from her, so they could get on with their lives. With her life that would be back to being the miserable one she had been living for years.

When he did not say anything, she moved her hand to his shoulder, attempting to push him out of her way, but he grabbed her hands, pinning them to the wall behind her. "Say it, Sakura. Just fucking say it," he demanded, sounding angry now. She could hear the hurt in his voice too, though. "Say it!"

She looked up when he yelled that. "If I wanted to be with you, I wouldn't have ignored you for this long, right?" she asked, masking all her emotions with a bland tone.

Syaoran's eyes widened, hands dropping her wrist as his eyes watered with threatening tears. "Wh-what could I do to change your mind? Is there anything I can do? Do I need to change? Do you really not want me? What was the point in playing with my emotions for this long then? How could you play with me like that? You've never had…how…how…"

When Sakura saw and heard this, all she could hear was the little boy asking for his mother's love and how he was willing to do anything to get it, so she broke.

"I do! I do want to be with you, but we can't—"

Syaoran cut her off with his lips, not needing to hear anymore after her confession. He deepened the kiss, surely smearing her lipstick on their lips. He dropped his hands down to her waist, pulling her closer to him.

He pulled back when they needed to breath, looking down at her. "I love y—"

The door opened, making them both freeze in their spots.

Neither of them had time to react, as they were the first thing a person could see when a person walked in.

"Woah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" the man said, turning away, clearly shocked by their compromising position.

Syaoran moved back from her body, glaring at the man. "What the hell, Haruka," he said.

Sakura looked at the man, embarrassed that they had been careless, once again, getting caught.

"We're fine, Sakura. I know this idiot, and he's going to keep quiet," Syaoran said before she could panic, while looking at the man threateningly.

"Shit, it is Kinomoto, huh…" Haruka said, making Sakura fidget uncomfortably when his eyes scanned her appearance.

Syaoran stepped in front of her immediately, covering Haruka's wandering eyes. "Keep your fucking eyes in your socket before you lose them," he threatened.

Haruka burst out laughing, shaking his head. "Congratulations, guys," he said.

"W-what?" Sakura stuttered, not understanding what he was congratulating them for.

"What the hell do you want?" Syaoran finally asked.

"Well, Dr. Akinari is wondering where his date has gone, while Mr. Reed is wondering where the hell the star of the show is. They're getting ready to start the bidding," Haruka said.

"Okay. We'll be out in a few minutes," Syaoran said.

"Okay. And, please, wipe your faces before coming out of here…" Haruka said, making Sakura's cheeks warm. He walked out, letting the door close behind him.

Syaoran turned back around to face her with a loving expression on his face. "We don't have anything to worry about with that idiot."

Sakura did not know what to say, feeling her stomach get those unpleasant jitters. She was lost now. She did not know what to do.

"We can talk after the event ends," he said.

Sakura did not say anything. She did not even remember agreeing to anything.

"Please don't go back to that bastard either," he said, wrapping a hand around her waist, pulling her towards him possessively. "He's been purposely irking me all night. I don't want him touching you anymore."

Sakura could feel her cheeks warming as she shook her head. "It's not like that," she said quietly.

"I don't care what it's like. Don't let him touch you like that anymore," he said, leaning down to kiss her lips gently, and then place butterfly kisses down her face to her neck.

Her breath caught in her throat as she leaned her head back slightly, giving him better access before her senses came to her, making her push against him. "W-we should get back inside before someone else walks in…" she said.

He released her. "You're right."

He made a move to leave, but she stopped him by grabbing his arm. He turned around, looking at her, only to see her motioning with her hands for him to wipe the lipstick off his mouth.

A blush spread across his face as he wiped off his mouth, while looking at her. When he finished, he stared at her. "You look…so beautiful," he said. "I'm sorry that I didn't get to tell you when I first saw you tonight. My mind was occupied with other things, but you are…the most beautiful woman here tonight—well, the most beautiful woman that I know."

Her cheeks warmed, making her look away. "Go," she said, pointing to the door.

He chuckled, grabbing her hand, kissing the back of it before leaving the staircase.

Sakura waited a few seconds to recuperate herself. She had not meant to tell him the truth, but that look, those questions—everything about him in that moment—didn't give her a choice. Now, he was thinking that they would try to work something out when she said they could not.

She took a deep breath before releasing it. She would just wing it and pretend like this incident did not happen here, and maybe he would stop.

She groaned, knowing that he would never stop until she said that she did not want to have anything to do with him. How could she do that when she only saw that little boy crying for love when she rejected him, though?

* * *

"Everyone's dancing, Sakura, and you still haven't given me that dance you promised, earlier," Akinari said as they sat at the table together, watching everyone else waltz to the ballroom music.

After the bidding ended, Clow had declared that he wanted to end the night with a dance with his daughter. After their song ended, he encouraged everyone else to join, which they all did, but Sakura and Akinari.

She had used the excuse of, "I'm really tired and would just rather watch everyone else."

Akinari being as respectful as he is, agreed to sit with her and said they did not have to.

But, in all honesty, she was unconsciously trying not to make Syaoran anymore jealous than he already was tonight. This was the least she could do, since she had even shown up here as another man's date.

"Even Li's dancing with someone," he murmured.

At hearing that, Sakura looked in his direction, only to see that he was, in fact, dancing with someone else. She stared at him dancing with the blonde. The girl did not look a day older than 18, which made her feel even more uncomfortable with the sight.

Her age should have made Sakura feel a bit more secure, yet it did not. She could not help but wonder if he preferred younger girls now, but she knew she was being absurd.

She ripped her eyes away from the sight, ignoring the sting of jealousy. She looked at Akinari with a forced smile on her face. "Wow, you're right. I guess one dance wouldn't hurt, right?" she suggested, already standing up.

Akinari raised a brow with a smirk on his face as he stood up. "Really, Sakura? That's really mature," he said.

"What are you talking about? I just want to dance with my best friend," she said, grabbing his hand, already pulling him with her to the dance floor.

"After you see Li dancing with another girl," he said.

She frowned, looking up at him. "No. I'm just giving you your dance I promised," she said, resting her hand on his shoulder, and holding out her other hand for him to take.

Akinari chuckled, shaking his head as he rest his hand on her waist and grabbing her outstretched hand.

When they began to waltz to the soothing music, Akinari cleared his throat, making her look at him. "You know that's one of his patients here, right?" he asked before spinning her, and then pulling her back towards him.

"So?" she said, pretending like she did not care.

"She has cancer too and doesn't have much longer to live," he said. "So, that's why he's dancing with her, I'm sure."

Sakura looked at Akinari, surprised to hear him say that. She frowned. "What the heck is with you? You're really confusing me these days," she said before releasing him. Now that she heard that, her mood was soured. She felt awful for making such an assumption about him, when she knew he had been getting better.

He grabbed her hand, stopping her from leaving. "I was just informing you, so you wouldn't get the wrong idea, is all," he said, pulling her into his arms.

She sighed, wrapping her arms around him. "Thank you," she whispered in his neck sincerely.

When she pulled back from the embrace, her eyes caught Syaoran's who's was glaring at her.

She looked away from him. "I guess this was pretty immature, huh," she said, giving him a half smile.

Akinari chuckled, shaking his head. "I didn't even know you were the type to act out when you like a guy," he said.

She pursed her lips as he led her off the dance floor. "Stop it, because this was your idea to come here tonight," she said.

"I know."

"Can I go and see Otou-san and then we can go home?" she asked.

Akinari nodded, looking in the direction where her dad was.

She smiled at him gratefully, and then walked over to her father.

"You do know you're the most beautiful woman here tonight, right?" he said, grabbing her hands as she stood in front of him.

Her cheeks colored as she leaned down to hug him. "Thank you," she said.

"You look just like your mother."

She smiled, pulling back from him. "I can't help but believe you when you say I look beautiful, then."

He chuckled. "Dr. Li seems to believe that as well," he said, making her freeze in the spot.

"E-eh?"

"I met him earlier when Clow dragged me away from you and Touya," he said.

Her heart began to race in her chest. "O-oh, you did?"

"Mhm. He's a nice young gentleman," he said.

When he did not offer any more information after that, she smiled, and nodded her head. "He is."

"Your mother would have liked him," he commented.

"R-really?" she asked, looking at him.

"Of course. Hopefully, he would've been a bit more orthodox with introducing himself," he said thoughtfully.

"Eh?"

"The boy was so nervous he forgot his own name," Fujitaka said, chuckling.

 _Oh, gosh._

"I wish I could've seen it," she said, smiling a little.

"Maybe you'll be there next time to help the boy out," he said.

Sakura smiled, deciding to end the conversation there. At least she knew he liked him now.

She gathered her things and was getting ready to grab her satchel before she felt a familiar hand grab her arm gently. She turned in the direction, not surprised to see it was Syaoran.

"Really, Sakura?" he asked sadly.

"I promised him a dance," she said quietly, trying to avoid his eyes.

"After I asked you **not** let him touch you anymore," he said disappointed.

"I'm not your property, so I can let whomever I want, touch me," she said, looking him in the eyes now confidently. This was true, and she did not even know why she just had not said that earlier.

"I never said you were," he said quietly. "You aren't an object, Sakura."

"Good, now, I need to get home…"

"How are you getting home?" he asked, tugging on her hand, so she could look at him again.

"Aki…"

His grip tightened on her wrist. "Sakura, please," he begged. "I thought we were going to talk."

"We've talked."

"No, _talk_ seriously," he said, putting emphasis.

She sighed, looking around for Akinari before she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She took it out, seeing that she had a text.

 **'If you need to stay and talk with Li, I'll go ahead.'**

She sighed again, knowing what that meant. Akinari knew they had disappeared together earlier, and he was telling her to settle things with him.

"Okay."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you guys so, so freaking much for all the love and support (I can't help but feel extremely happy whenever I read them, even if I may feel down at the moment)! I know I haven't responded to the reviews yet, but I really do appreciate them all. It's finals week, so I've been getting destroyed lol. I'm a bit crazy right now, because it's late and I have a final at 8 in the morning...Therefore, I need to sleep, like, now, lol!**

 **Thanks to theDeviantMe for getting this chapter edited, despite her busy life as well! I really do appreciate everyone! Now, I'm going to sleep since I'm clearly rambling at this point lol. I'll get around to answering reviews and questions from the previous chapter as soon as Wednesday hits and I take my last final and turn in this freaking 21 page psychology research paper.**

 **Ja ne!**


	32. A Solution to the Problem, or not

**"A Solution to the Problem, or not"**

* * *

Syaoran watched her fiddle with her fingers as she kept her gaze from him.

They were sitting at one of the tables in the hospital. The room was almost empty, with the exception of a few people staying behind to clean the hospital.

He wanted them to be somewhere alone, but was too afraid of suggesting it. He feared she may run off and disappear again. She was already close to getting away earlier, but he caught her in just enough time.

He did not think he could take anymore hurt that she threw at him tonight. The things she said at the staircase, her being here with Akinari, and her letting him touch her even after he asked her not to, was too much for him in one night.

"Can you look at me, Sakura?" he asked gently when he noticed her eyes trained on the floor.

"You said we would talk..." she said quietly.

He could feel his heart twist in his chest, not understanding why she is acting this way. "I want an honest conversation with you, though. How could I know you're being honest when you won't even look at me?" he asked sadly.

"Can we _really_ have an honest conversation around so many people?" she asked softly.

"Let's go somewhere else, then. We can go to my house, your house—hell, we can go to my office if you don't want to go to our places," he suggested, grabbing her hand.

She pulled her hand back from his after looking around. "I don't want this night to get any more troubling as it already has been for us," she said.

"And it won't. Just..."

"Your office is fine. You're not off work tonight anyway, right?"

He frowned. "I'm off. I've been working all day," he said.

When she did not say anything, he stood up from the chair. She looked up at him, surprised by his sudden movement.

"Come on," he said, looking elsewhere in the room.

"Hmm?"

"Let's go to my office," he said.

She sighed, standing up with him. " _Talking_. That's it," she said in a strict tone.

He swallowed, not wanting to make that promise. He was not dragging her to his office to do anything but talk. He just wanted to take caution, though. He knew how he could be sometimes. Making a promise like that could be futile.

"Come on," he said.

"Syaoran," she called in a warning tone.

"Please, Sakura. I just...we'll talk," he said.

She sighed, looking around and then nodding.

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it before gently pulling her with him to the elevator. He pressed the up button, squeezing her hand a little tighter unconsciously. "Everyone we have to worry about is gone. There are just the night shift workers and patients," he said.

He was glad when the elevator doors opened. They walked inside, and he pressed the highest floor.

The elevator doors closed, making his heart twist in anticipation.

He swallowed, turning to her. His breath caught in his throat, seeing her stare at him with an intense look in her eyes he had never seen before. He still did not bother speaking until they reached the top floor, though.

He motioned her to step out first when the doors of the elevator opened. He followed close behind her, reminding her where his office is.

Once they settled inside, he closed the door behind him, looking at the back of her head as she stood.

His eyes slowly scanned her backside, not able to help but admire how beautiful she looked, even from behind.

"I really need to personally thank the seamstress who created this dress," he said, slowly walking towards her as his eyes trained on the little skin shown from the dress that Akinari had touched earlier to irk him.

"Tomoyo," she said quietly, making him stop his advancing towards her.

"The moment I saw you tonight...I couldn't keep my eyes off you. It was so hard concentrating on conversation with anyone else, knowing that this...that the most beautiful woman to me, was in the same room as me..."

He continued to move towards her before standing directly behind her, feeling her heat. He just wanted to turn her around to see that beautiful blushing face he was sure she has right now.

"Syaoran," she called timidly.

He closed his eyes, loving the way his name sounded rolling off her tongue so fluently. It almost erased the painful feelings of when she called him by his last name earlier.

At the thought of that, he snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. "Don't ever address me so formally like you did earlier," he whispered in her neck, holding her tightly.

Her breath hitched as she froze in his arms.

He squeezed her small frame a little gently and buried his face in her neck. He could almost melt in into a puddle of mush at her strong scent intoxicating his lungs. She smelt so good. How he missed this smell.

His lips brushed against her neck, emitting a surprised noise from her mouth that sounded too close to a moan to his ears.

"I missed you," he whispered against her skin. "…so fucking much that it hurt being away from you. Even the thought of you leaving me for a moment hurts."

"S-Syaoran," she called weakly, struggling to get loose a little.

He held her tighter. "Just...wait. Let me hold you a little while longer," he said.

She stopped struggling, letting him hold her for a little longer.

It felt like it had been ages since he last held her in his arms. Three weeks. That's all it had been, yet it felt longer.

"I thought about you every single second of the day for these last weeks. It's been so hard without you," he said.

When he felt her shiver, he brushed his lips against her neck again, kissing it this time. His lips dragged up her neck slowly until they reached her ear.

She whimpered, sending a message straight to his groin, awakening the beast.

"Where's your scarf?" he asked in her ear gently.

He was glad the scarf was missing right now, but he still wanted her warm at the same time.

"F-first floor," she said quietly.

He hummed, kissing his way down her neck again, except to her bare shoulders.

"S-Stop," she said weakly. "We said...just talk."

He stopped kissing her neck, but kept his arms wrapped around her tightly. "What do you want to do about us?" he asked gently.

She took a deep breath and then released it. Nothing came after that, though.

"Should we keep us a secret?"

"No," she said immediately, interrupting him. "I don't see an 'us' happening, honestly."

He released her, feeling that stab of rejection in his heart again. "Why?" he asked. "Is it the rumors? My past? Your reputation? Your license? That bastard? _Your_ past? Whatever it is, I can fix it," he promised. He grabbed her shoulders gently, turning her so she could look at him. "Let me fix it."

"No...don't. I just want you to fix _you_ ," she said, looking at him sadly.

He grabbed her hands, squeezing them. "I can't do that without you, though," he whispered brokenly.

And he could not. Everything was too hard without Sakura. She had become his supporter. His person. What could he possibly do without her now?

She removed her hands from his, moving them up to cup his cheeks. "Yes, you can. You have to," she said.

His heart tightened, seeing the threatening tears in her eyes, and hearing the brokenness in her tone. "Okay, I can, but, I don't want to. I want you to be here every step of the way," he said.

She sniffed. "I can't do that," she said, closing her eyes tightly.

She was in pain with him too. He could tell. How could he take it away from her when she would not let him, though?

"You can. You just don't want to," he said, looking away from her, feeling hurt by that obvious information.

"That's not true," she said, making him look at her. "I do want to, but I can't baby you every step of the way."

"You aren't, Sakura. I'm the one who has to face my problems. I'm the one who has to live with them... _and_ fix them. I just need support. _Your_ support," he said, hoping to convince her with this.

"I..."

"Why can't you give me that, Sakura? That's all I'm asking right now to your declaration about me needing to fix myself. Why can't you compromise?"

Her eyes watered even more, making him grab her hands on his face. He brought them to his lips, kissing each finger. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked sadly. "Please, don't cry."

"I..." Her voice wavered, telling him that she would break down at any moment.

"Shh, you don't have to talk," he said, pulling her in his arms.

"This is why I knew we couldn't talk," she said into his chest brokenly.

"We can, though. You just need time—time, like I needed time to warm up to you and talk about everything. That's all," he said, inhaling the scent of her hair.

He felt disgusted with himself for getting aroused at a time like this when her scent intoxicated his senses.

She shook her head against his chest. "I just don't see it happening, Syaoran. We aren't good for each other," she said.

Syaoran released her, making her look up at him when he grabbed her chin. "Why?"

"We just can't. I'm not ready for this and you aren't either," she said sadly.

"Why? Make me understand," he said desperately.

"I'm just not ready—"

"Is it Eichii? You aren't over him?" he asked, feeling his heart tighten in his chest in anticipation. This was something he did not think would be a factor in their relationship.

"Of course I am. I just..." She dropped her head.

"No, look at me," he demanded gently. "I want to see you."

She looked up at him sadly. "What if I lose you too? What if—"

"There is no what ifs, Sakura. You won't lose me. I won't ever leave you, okay? I would never betray you or purposely hurt you," he said.

When she did not say anything, Syaoran grabbed her face gently, so she could look him in the eyes. "What else is there? If the 'wanting to have kids' is an issue, that's fixed. I've already set up an appointment to get a reversal. It won't be tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, nor this year. After everything gets settled and the trial starts in January, I'll have it. And no, it's not because you want kids..." he trailed off.

"Syaoran," she called softly.

"I want something that only _we_ can create together. I don't want to share that with anyone else but you," he said sincerely.

He had never thought of having kids as something like that until Watanabe said it. Kids had never sounded appealing to him before, but after Watanabe said that...all he could think about was a mini Sakura and mini Syaoran running around a house.

The image made his heart warm like nothing had ever done before.

"We can have however many kids you want," he said.

As soon as that statement came out, she pulled back from him with a sad smile on her face. "Syaoran," she called again.

"I'm trying, Sakura. I'm compromising and it's something I want to do. I've had more than enough time to think about all of this, especially after your ploy of disappearing on me. I'm trying, because I want you. I want to be with you. I want to spend a life with you, if you would let me...if you want me," he said the last part quietly.

He moved closer to her, cupping her cheeks. "I mean it. I mean every bit of it. I want to be with you," he said.

She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch as her cheeks warmed under his palm. "Syaoran, I..."

"Just don't turn me away again. You know I hate that the most," he said, leaning down to kiss her nose.

She took a deep breath, nodding her head.

"Tell me you won't turn me away then," he demanded, begging her with his eyes.

Her eyes shifted from his, telling him that she could not say it.

"Please..."

She bit her lip lightly, nodding her head a little.

"So, what do you want to do? You can have all the control in this, and that's saying a lot," he said, surprising himself with this information.

He was already a control freak as it is, so he could barely believe that he was standing here, telling her that she could have all the control in their relationship.

She opened her mouth slightly, but nothing came out.

"Come on, say something. You're making me nervous with your silence," he said impatiently.

"O-Okay," she blurted.

"Okay?"

"We need to...take this really slow, though. You know that...I still have some things to work on too, so we...can't just jump into a relationship," she said slowly.

"Okay. Where should we start?" he asked, feeling the unsettling feeling in his chest relax. They were getting somewhere finally. "A kiss?" he added teasingly, though he meant it. He missed her lips the more he stared at them.

Her cheeks colored, making him smile and deciding to take one anyway without her permission.

He leaned down and closed the gap between their lips in a sweet kiss. He shivered underneath his suit when she grabbed the sleeves of his shirt, pulling him closer to her.

His hands moved up to her hair, grabbing the hair tie that held her hair up as his lips continued to kiss hers.

She pulled back from his lips, showing surprise at his actions as her hair fell down in a disheveled look. He liked the look on her.

"I love your hair," he said, running his hand through the short tresses.

She touched her hair subconsciously to straighten it a bit. "It looks a hot mess right now," she murmured.

He grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it before he brought her hand to his chest and kissed her lips again. He wrapped his arms around her body, enjoying the silk material underneath his skin.

He pulled his lips back from hers, looking down at her with heavy eyes. He wanted to be inside of her so badly right now, but knew it was not the time. "I love your hair," he repeated. "You look good."

"You look good," she said quietly.

His cheeks warmed before he leaned down, kissing her lips again as he led her over the small couch in his office.

When he gently pushed her down on the couch, and he sat down beside her, she pulled back from his lips with a blush on her cheeks. "Have you really not slept with anyone else?" she asked in a timid voice.

Syaoran pushed her down on the couch, climbing on top of her.

She rests her hand on his chest, looking up at him with pursed lips. "Answer me," she said stubbornly.

He clenched his jaw, feeling his heart flutter in excitement at her question. "Are you, by any chance, jealous?" he asked teasingly.

The red in her cheeks darkened even more and she pushed against him to get up. "It's not funny."

He grabbed her hands, pinning them on the couch underneath her. He leaned down, kissing her jaw. "There's no one I'd rather have under me like this," he whispered against her skin before he dragged his tongue down to her neck.

Her breath caught in her throat as she stopped struggling to get free. "J-Just answer the question."

"Of course I haven't. I don't want to either," he said, kissing her neck gently.

Her breathing picked up as she closed her eyes. "What have you been doing to stop your urges?" she asked, keeping her eyes from his.

Syaoran watched her chest heave up and down faster. "Look at me and I'll tell you," he said, sliding his hand up her body to her chest.

She closed her eyes for a moment before looking in his eyes.

He smirked, kissing back up her neck to her lips as he hovered over her. Their eyes locked with each other's as he kissed her lips briefly. "Thoughts of you and me…in here, naked and sweating," he said against her lips. "On this couch."

He closed the gap between their lips, squeezing her right breast gently.

She moaned against his mouth, making him pull back. "But, we're taking it slow," he said tauntingly, lifting from her body. He pulled her up with him. "I've masturbated to thoughts of you since you've been gone. I would never betray you like that," he said, caressing her face.

"Okay," she said softly.

"Do you believe me?" he asked.

She swallowed, nodding her head a little. "Kind of."

"I'll take that for now," he said, kissing her lips again.

She laughed softly, pulling back from his lips. "You're not going to stop, are you?"

He frowned, looking at her sadly. "It's been...three long weeks. Of course I won't stop," he said, grabbing the back of her neck to pull her face towards his again in a deep kiss.

When she closed her eyes and opened her mouth for him, he slid his tongue in her mouth, tasting her for the first time in three weeks.

He groaned in delight and reached behind her to find the zipper of her dress. He played with it for a moment before sliding it down a little.

He untangled their tongues and stopped when he heard her moan in protest. He looked at her, wondering what was bothering her.

Once she controlled her panting, she looked back at the door. "Let's just go to your place. I don't want a repeat of last time," she said.

His heart leapt in joy as he helped her up.

"Where's your scarf and purse again?"

* * *

With each caress his lips made on her skin, her body burned with desire, but her heart ached with guilt.

Syaoran had been so honest, pouring his heart out to her like that back at the hospital. This was the only thing she could do in return of his kindness; show him how much she wanted him.

She knew coming to his place would further lead him into believing they would be together, but she wanted this too. It was selfish and wrong.

Selfish because they were here right now, just for her. He wanted her here because he believed they would be together. She had been stringing his emotions along all night, giving him false hope that they could be together.

She did not have to let him kiss her like this; touch her like she meant the world to him. And she certainly did not have to tell him that they would start something, but would have to take things slow when she knew they would not.

She meant the stuff about her needing to work on herself first and he needed to work on him too, but not the working on themselves _together_.

He may have taken things slow if she had not suggested them coming to his place, but she could not help it.

Three weeks without his touch, his lips, and his scent was her undoing. So, yes, she took the opportunity the moment he started seducing her into making love with him.

She just did not know how this night would end, especially with his emotions so invested in every touch he made, every kiss he gave her, and every word he spoke.

After his declaration of wanting to have kids, and having already set up an appointment, she knew he was all in, and not just for the sex.

She was stuck, once again.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, coming back up from her neck to look in her eyes. "You're distracted."

She could feel her cheeks warm as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her lips. She kissed him passionately, letting her hands move up to his buttons so she could start unbuttoning the white shirt.

He grabbed her fingers gently, pulling back from her lips. "We don't have to do this, if you don't want to. I know you said you wanted to take us slow," he said gently.

This was her opportunity to stop this. Stop it before she hurt him again like she had all this time; even tonight with her hurtful statements.

Looking in his longing amber eyes made her forget that, though. She just wanted to be one with him again. She wanted to feel him one last time and have some type of closure and then she would be done.

"I want you," she whispered, pulling him down to kiss her.

And he let her finish unbuttoning his shirt.

"I want you too," he said after pulling back from her lips with a smile on his lips.

She _needed_ to stop this, yet she still slid her fingers down his chiseled chest, making him shudder on top of her.

"You know..." He made her sit up on the bed so he could unzip her dress. "I was thinking when you said I needed to fix myself."

He pulled the rest of the dress down, revealing her bare breast.

Her cheeks warmed, seeing his hungry eyes stare at them. He leaned down, taking her right breast in his mouth, sucking on it gently.

She moaned quietly, burying her head in the soft pillow under her head. When his tongue swirled around the sensitive bud, his name slipped past her mouth.

"Goodness, I missed these," he said once he pulled back as he grabbed the other breast, pinching her nipple.

He switched to her other breast, giving it the same amount of attention. As he pleasured her breasts, his other hand made to pull the rest of her dress down gently, not wanting to tear it.

She helped him get it off, leaving her in her green lace panties. She reached down to unbuckle his belt when he kissed back up to her collarbone, sucking on the place that was oddly sensitive for her.

Once she got the belt loose, her hands made to unbuckle his dress pants. "W-what about your thoughts on that?" she asked, needing a distraction from the nagging voice in the back of her head telling her to stop while they still could.

"That woman...I have to confront the situation, don't I?" he asked, dragging his finger down her torso to her navel teasingly.

She swallowed, closing her eyes as she shivered. "R-right," she stuttered, anticipation growing in her nether regions as his fingers teased the top of the lacy material.

"I should talk to her eventually, shouldn't I?" he asked quietly, stopping his fingers from teasing her.

Her eyes widened, not believing he had said _that_ of all things.

Just a month ago, he could not even say her name. Actually, he still could not say her name, it seemed.

Sakura looked at him, seeing his eyes avoid hers. "Syaoran," she called softly.

He let out a forced laugh, shaking his head. "Like I'll ever be able to do that," he said, leaning down to kiss her, but she turned away from his lips.

"Are you planning to?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said quietly.

"Do you want to?"

"No," he answered immediately.

"But?" she asked softly.

He sighed, shaking his head with a sad smile on his face. "I don't know...something just tells me it's the right thing to do," he said sadly.

And this here was the reason she knew that this should stop right now. He was opening up to her, showing her the vulnerable side that no one else had ever seen. Yet, she could not stop him.

"Okay," she whispered, running her hands through his hair soothingly. "We'll figure something out."

He smiled, nodding his head, and then leaned down to kiss her lips as his hand grabbed the waistband of her panties, pulling them down slowly. His lips trailed down her face again the further he pulled her panties down, until she kicked them off when they reached her ankles. His face stopped at her stomach.

He kissed around her navel teasingly, as his hands caressed her hipbones gently. "Why aren't you ready for a relationship?" he suddenly asked against her skin in the quiet room.

Her breath hitched in her throat, caught off guard by that question. She had not expected him to be so bold and ask her that at a time like this.

"Tell me, please," he said in a demanding, yet desperate tone.

 _Only Syaoran._

Because he was being so open and honest with her today about everything, this was the least she could do for him. Even in this awkward predicament.

"It's hard to...trust people. In a serious relationship, you're supposed to be able to show a side of yourself to a person that no one else may ever see. That side of me just happens to be...toxic for the person I get with and myself," she said.

Syaoran's lips stopped caressing her skin and he looked up at her. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I just...I would only enable my partner, if he were to have a problem."

She only seemed to attract problematic people in her life, so she just assumed that she was not ready to get into a relationship until she could handle her own issues. There was no way she could tell Syaoran that, though.

"Say you were to hit me...I won't see a problem with it, because I'll see reasons _why_ you did it. When I see why a person commits an action, I understand them and forgive them over and over again in hopes that they won't do it again when they tell me they won't—"

"I would never hit you, though," Syaoran interrupted with a frown on his face.

She smiled sadly, nodding her head. "I know, but it's not just that scenario. It's _any_ scenario. Even if you were to cheat on me...I know it would be because of your condition, so I would forgive you...so I can't do that. I value myself way more than that, and because I know that I am like that in a relationship, I'd rather not be in one until I can fix that problem," she said.

"I would never cheat on you either, baby. You're too special for that," he said, kissing her stomach softly.

"I know. It's just...I want that problem fixed," she said, shivering at the contact.

"How would you fix that, though?" he asked.

She went silent at that, not even sure herself. She just knew that she needed to face the thing that caused the problem to begin with. And then she would go from there.

"I don't know," she said. "You're the first person I've ever told that to before, so...I hope that I can trust you with that information."

"Of course you can. I would never betray or take advantage of that," he said.

"Thank you..." she said quietly.

"Why...why didn't you tell me about that time at night?" he asked sadly.

She froze under him, not believing he had just asked her that out of the blue. He even asked it as if it had been bothering him for a while. "W-What time?" she asked, deciding to play dumb.

"2:37," he said without any hesitation.

"H-how...did you..." She was at a loss for words, not understanding.

"What happens at 2:37? I've seen you react..." he said.

She was quiet for a moment, trying to remember a time where he had seen her experience that moment. She may have in the beginning of their affair, but she had stopped overtime when she began to feel safe with him.

Maybe he had in the beginning, but did not feel comfortable asking until now, she concluded.

She swallowed, closing her eyes. "It's the time that Eichii strangled me..." she said quietly. "I don't experience it as much anymore since we've been involved with each other, though."

"I want to keep you safe from that—everything, including your own demons..." he whispered, caressing her hipbone again with his fingertips.

"Thank you..." she whispered, knowing that he meant that with all his heart.

"Is this why you're not ready for a relationship either?" he asked.

"Yes...I don't want to depend on you to make me feel good all the time. I want to get to a point where I can feel good by myself, because you may not always be around to make me," she said.

"I would try my best to, though," he said.

She lost her train of thoughts when his lips started kissing lower slowly. She hummed, sitting up slightly on her elbows, so she could see him. "H-how?" she asked, feeling her cheeks warm when he spread her legs open for him.

When he stared between her legs for too long, she attempted to close them, feeling self-conscious about herself, but he stopped her.

"Don't cover yourself from me. You're beautiful—everything about you is," he said, leaning down between her legs to kiss her.

She blushed, watching him place teasing kisses all over her bare skin before he used his fingers to spread her lips.

She could not hold back the moan when he licked her from bottom to top a few times slowly. His tongue began to tease the pleasure bud by licking slow circles around it before speeding up.

She closed her eyes, feeling them roll to the back of her head when his tongue began to directly stroke her clit back and forth quickly. The moment his lips closed around it, sucking gently, her hips bucked, and she almost came immediately.

His sucking remained gentle, yet he used the tip of his tongue to circle around her clit quickly, sending her over the edge quickly as soon as he slid a single digit into her.

When his licking and fingering did not stop, she trembled under him, screaming his name, as she was extra sensitive. Yet, he kept going.

"S-Syao—!" When he curled his finger inside of her, she stiffened underneath him, feeling herself come again uncontrollably.

She fell back on the bed, panting loudly as she tried to catch her breath.

Syaoran kissed up her body slowly until he reached her forehead.

"I-I—"

"You don't have to apologize for feeling good," he said, before kissing her lips hard.

She kissed him back, tasting herself on his lips as she moved her hand down to pull his pants down.

He grabbed her hand, stopping her. "We don't have to do this, if you don't want to. We can still stop," he reminded her again.

She wanted to pull her hair out in frustration at his actions. He was being too good to her, yet she would still not give him a chance.

She should stop this.

Her eyes fell down between them to the raging erection Syaoran had. How could she possibly tell him they should stop when he had given her a release, while he suffered?

She swatted his hand away and pulled the rest of his pants down, along with his boxers. She pushed him over to the side so she could climb on top of him. Looking him in the eyes, she sat down on his erection, making him groan. "Do you want this?" she asked in a seductive tone, grinding her wet core against him.

He moaned, trying to move along with her. "A-are you sure? This isn't just about the sex anymore," he said, looking up at her.

Despite his efforts to convince her of that, she could still see the look in his eyes, begging her to ride him into oblivion.

"I know," she said quietly, reaching down to grab him and position herself over him.

And she did know. She knew that he would make love to her with the intent of them being together; building a future together.

He sat up, making her sit directly on his lap before she could do anything else. "You know...I think there's something more to this," he said, caressing her hair.

She looked him square in eyes, wondering what he meant by that. He sure was being random tonight, she noticed.

"Us...how do we keep being in this same predicament when we try so hard to end us? It was me first, rejecting you and ignoring all your efforts in the beginning...and now, you're rejecting me and ignoring all of my efforts," he said, sliding his hands down to her neck.

"I'm not ignoring your efforts, because I see them," she said, shivering at his touch.

"Then, why? Why aren't you acknowledging them? Why haven't you tried us out yet?"

 _Because I'm scared!_

"I don't know...I just..." She sighed. "Can we just make love?"

She could see his cheeks color in the dim room at her question. "Make love, huh..." he said sheepishly.

She smiled, nodding her head. "That's what it's been feeling like since...I can't even remember," she said.

He smiled, kissing her lips gently. "You're right," he agreed.

 _Stop it, Sakura, now! You know this will get either of you nowhere._

"Your love is better than any love I've ever experienced before, so I...don't ever want to lose it," he said, wrapping his arms around her body, pulling her flesh against his. He squeezed her tightly, almost appearing afraid she might just disappear if he let her go.

And that's when she realized she could not leave him. There was no way she could leave him alone in this world. She wanted to be here for him when no one else is. She wanted to be the one behind him, supporting him in everything he did.

Only she could give him this love that he needed.

And she would, she decided.

Abandoning all thoughts of not giving him a chance just second ago, she slid her fingers in his soft hair, pulling his face closer to hers so she could kiss him with as much passion that she ever had before.

She would try with him. She wanted them to work, so she would compromise until they were both ready to be in a relationship. She would put in as much effort as he had been over these months, she promised herself.

He flipped them over so he could straddle her body as she looked up at him. He positioned himself over her entrance, but she stopped him before he could finally bury himself inside of her for the first time in a long time. "You won't ever lose it," she promised, meaning it with all her heart.

When she saw the huge grin on his face, she knew she had made him the happiest man alive.

"I promise you won't regret giving it to me either," he said before pushing himself inside her to make them one.

* * *

 _"Please, Eichii! You don't want to do this!" she exclaimed, grabbing his arm as he tried to yank it back_ _from her_

 _He still stroked her, though._

 _"I...I can't do it anymore, Sakura. I can't live with these thoughts anymore. I can't live, knowing that I..." He stopped, trembling under her touch after she grabbed his arm again to stop his assaults._

 _"Knowing what, babe? We can talk about it now. Maybe it'll make you feel better," she said, wrapping an arm around his back._

 _Eichii's eyes watered, breaking her heart even further. "I can't. It won't! Just, please! I want it to stop. Make it stop! Make it **all** stop!" he yelled, pushing her away roughly and covering his ears suddenly._

 _Because she was caught off guard, she bumped into the wall, screaming when her back made contact with it._

 _She was on her feet in mere seconds, at his side again, ignoring the pain like she always did. She knew not to touch him this time._

 _"Calm down—"_

 _"Don't you dare fucking tell me to calm down, bitch! It's your fault I'm in this predicament anyway!" he spat, glaring at her._

 _Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes watered at his cruel statement. His mood swings were only getting worst, she noticed. "Eichii—"_

 _"Don't call me that. You should've never told me it was a good idea to go out there—you should've **never** encouraged it. If you never encouraged it, I wouldn't have gone, I wouldn't have saw what I saw; experienced what I experienced...I..." He stopped, suddenly storming out of the kitchen._

 _Sakura was quick to follow him, afraid of what he might do next. This was not the first or even the tenth time he had one of these moments._

 _It had been months since he started acting like this. Despite it being this long, she still could not register that **her** Eichii would even be capable of acting and treating her this way._

 _He had been the sweetest man alive before he left the country. He had been the man of her dreams; the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with._

 _But, now...he was the complete opposite of what she wanted._

 _"Eichii! Don't you dare do anything stupid," she called after him as she followed him to their room._

 _He slammed the door in her face, locking it before she could go in with him._

 _She knocked on the door gently, not wanting to cause a ruckus. Loud noises were one of his triggers. She had learned that the hard way with a hand and shove to the kitchen counter._

 _When he did not respond, the panic began to rise in her chest as she knocked on the door again calmly. "Eichii, babe, open the door. We can talk about this," she said._

 _No response._

 _Her breathing picked up and she began to shake the door knob, trying to get it to open. "Eichii!" she yelled._

 _He would normally let her talk him down from his episodes before he did anything stupid, with the exception of a few failed times._

 _"So help me, Eichii. Don't make me break down this door," she exclaimed, feeling her patience run dry._

 _The door unlocked, getting rid of the unsettling feeling in her chest. She opened the door immediately and nearly ran to him as he sat on the bed with his head down._

 _She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Don't do that again. You know how I feel when you lock yourself in a room," she whispered in his neck._

 _"I'm sorry..." he said quietly, leaning into her touch. "I just..."_

 _"Shhh, don't talk," she whispered, stroking his hair._

 _"I'm just so tired..." he spoke anyway, sounding exhausted._

 _For some reason, it sounded like he was referring to something else, other than lack of sleep. She looked past it, though, pushing him back on the bed to rest._

 _She helped him under the covers before sliding under them with him, not caring that they were fully clothed. She cuddled up to his body, holding him tightly. "It's okay," she whispered in his ear._

 _"I just can't keep living this way," he said, ignoring her encouraging words._

 _"We'll figure something out tomorrow. Let's get some rest now," she said, ignoring the signs that she should be paying attention to. She had been ignoring them for months now, thinking she could get him past this._

 _"Sakura, I love you...you know that, right? Things would be so much more different if I...if you...everything would be different if we could..."_

 _Sakura could not understand what he was trying to say, so she hugged him tightly, stroking his hair. "Tomorrow, we'll get this sorted out, okay? Just rest," she said quietly._

 _"I hit you again, though...you're hurt," he said sadly._

 _"I'm okay," she said, despite her back stinging from the earlier push. "You didn't mean to."_

 _"I still hurt you, though..." he said sadly._

 _"I'm okay, alright? Stop worrying about me and just focus on you," she said._

 _He sighed, nodding his head against her._

 _Sakura held him until she was sure that he had fallen asleep._

 _At this point, she was not sure what she could do. She had done everything she could. Anything that bothered him, she fixed it. She rearranged their entire apartment when he complained about it. She had the entire place painted a different color, all the furniture changed— **everything**._

 _She adjusted her life to his, took a semester off and everything to accommodate his needs. Nothing seemed to work for him._

 _She was determined to get him better, though. She would do whatever she had to do to get him better._

 ** _Whatever it takes..._**

 _She could feel herself drifting off to sleep not too long after that thought, hoping that she could figure out a way to help him get past this—whatever it was._

 _Just when that darkness swallowed her whole, she could hear a faint voice from the distant whisper, "I'm sorry," before something cold and wet wrapped around her neck tightly._

 _Her eyes flew open immediately, coming in contact with dull green eyes as her mouth opened slightly. "Ei...chi—" She grabbed his arm tightly, trying her best to pull his grip from her neck._

 _When his grip did not loosen, she started to panic as she thrashed under him, trying to gain control of the situation. His hold took the air she could breathe, along with her voice to snap him out of his trance, because that's exactly what he is in right now._

 _The more she struggled, the harder his grip tightened around her neck, making her eyes feel like they would bulge out of her sockets._

 _She attempted to gasp, but she could feel her very last breath approaching as her head almost exploded with heat the tighter he held her._

 _After digging her nails into his arms weakly one last time, she realized he would not stop blocking the oxygen from entering the wind pipes that supports her brain and organ._

 _Her hands weakly fell from his arms, as her body gave up on the losing battle._

 _Everything went black as she felt herself slipping into that place that everyone approached when facing death._

 _"Sakura," she faintly heard a distant voice call._

 _'Huh?'_

 _"Fuck, Sakura, baby, can you hear me? Are you there?" the voice kept talking as she suddenly saw her own body lying on the bed with a man shaking her gently._

 _'Is that...me?'_

 _"Fuck! Wake up, baby!" The man attempted to breathe life into her mouth, but her body remained motionless._

 _Sakura stared at her own body lying on the bed, wondering what the hell was going on._

 _She was watching herself lie unconscious on the bed with her fiancé trying to wake her as he performed CPR on her. She could not make a move to tell him that she was there. She could only watch as she felt something hold her body in place from stopping the scene._

 _"Fuck!" Eichii stopped, jumping off the bed as he paste back and forth in the room, swearing under his breath before he ran to the dresser beside their bed. He grabbed the phone off the desk, dialing a number._

 _He tapped his feet impatiently before he spoke into the phone. "Hello? Yes, m-my fiancée, she, she's—unconscious! I think she's dead, just please, get here now!" he panicked, running his hand through his hair frustrated. "Please, just get here **now**!" He hung the phone up, rushing back to her side._

 _He caressed her hair before grabbing her nose gently and blowing into her mouth again repeatedly. When he saw that would not work, he went to pump against her chest repeatedly. "Come on, baby," he said, almost starting to look like a maniac, trying to wake her up._

 _Sakura just stared at the scene, wondering when this darkness would release her to calm him, yet she made no move or attempt to tell him anything._

 _"Fuck! I can't live without you, Sakura. I need you to get up," he yelled in her face, now shaking her vigorously when he realized his attempts would not work._

 _He cried out as tears welled in his eyes._

 _Watching the scene, Sakura still could not move to calm him. For some reason, she wanted this all to end like this. Her misery of being with him, the abuse, and the torment that she lives in everyday because of him. She could not take it anymore._

 _So, she thought, as she watched him attempt to wake her, she would be better off dead and away from this all. And maybe, he would even move on and not be reminded of his past because of her._

 _And that's when she realized she was making a conscious decision in accepting death._

 _"I-I'm sorry, Sakura," the voice said, making her look up at the scene._

 _She gasped, seeing him pull a gun out of the drawer beside their bed._

 _When he held the gun to his head, she panicked, trying to break free of the dark entity holding her back now._

 _'No! Stop!' she yelled from the top of her lungs, yet her voice was mute to her own ears._

 _"I love you," he whispered, looking at her before pulling the trigger._

 _As if the dark entity was satisfied with the scene, it released her, letting her run over to the bed where they were._

 _She stepped back into her own body, waking up, gasping for oxygen, yet her body could not move._

 _She heard sirens outside of the door as she continued to try and catch her breath before everything went black again._

"Sakura," a voice called softly, making her sit up, gasping for breath.

Cool air slapped her skin as the covers fell down her body along with a strong arm. She looked in the direction of the arm, only to see that it was Syaoran who had called her name in his sleep.

She took a deep breath and then released it, trying to catch her breath. Looking around the dim lit room, she noticed that she was in Syaoran's room still. "Okay," she whispered, trying to get herself together.

She had not had that dream in a long time, so she did not even know what to do to calm herself down. Her heart felt like it would jump out of her chest, just as much as her lungs burned like fire.

She closed her eyes, running a sweaty hand down her soaked face.

She could not do this anymore. She should have never come here with Syaoran tonight, she noted, feeling the tears well in her eyes.

Every time she cared about a person so much and decided to give them a chance, she was reminded of how much she loved and what extent she would go to for a person.

She could not experience that again and create another trauma that would scar her forever like the last. She had no doubts that she would go to the ends of the Earth for Syaoran now.

She needed to get out of here, because she felt suffocated. She felt trapped; like she was actually being strangled by the situation. This was too much for her right now.

When movement beside her was made, she quickly laid back down on his chest, pretending to be sleep. She could not face him right now after that dream.

She needed out without any more trouble. She had to stop this, even if it meant hurting Syaoran in the long run. She would thank herself later for it, and hopefully he would too.

* * *

 **A/N: Soo, I still didn't get to respond to reviews even after last Wednesday when I took my last final, because I suck. Something came up again, which stopped me from getting this chapter finished, as usual (Life's so freaking annoying, ugh). Because I've been stuck at the hospital all week with my sister, I was able to get this chapter started and finished within a few days. I'm going to try and get another chapter or two (three, with my fingers crossed) out before the year is out!**

 **Thank you guys so much for the support, because your support really pushes me to keep going with writing these days lol. I'm going to end the author's note here, so I can get this chapter posted and possibly respond to some of the reviews :P.**

 **I do wonder if I'm the only one here who's ever had an out of body experience before...(not a dream, but the actual experience)**

 **Ja ne!**


	33. Their First Holiday

**"Their First Holiday"**

* * *

Sakura remained still, resting her head on his chest for a solid 60 seconds. She could not help but wonder if he noticed her drenched form, lying on top of him.

He had somehow wrapped his arm around her waist without her being aware of it, molding their bodies together like glue.

It had been so long since they slept like this, yet she would be giving it up as soon as she broke the news to him; they could not be together.

The final decision was set in stone, and there was nothing that could change her mind now. Especially after that nightmare she just had.

It felt like the higher beings were looking down at her, pointing fingers, and laughing at her earlier decision to love him. Well, they were finally getting what they wanted, she thought.

She took a deep breath, releasing it as she shifted on his weight to receive a little air to the area on her face that is drenched in sweat from his body heat.

She wanted to stay like this forever, but somehow, it was too much like a fairy-tale that does not exist in real life. They had to live in the real world—outside these doors, away from each other.

All thoughts stopped when she heard Syaoran groan. She felt him shift slightly, but she remained still, having been exhausted from their earlier activities still.

As usual, Syaoran's appetite had not gone down, even after he had not had sex in three weeks. It was something like a routine between them every time they had sex. He would take her, not only one time, but a few more times after that. She often wondered if he were ever fully satisfied even after those times.

Opening one curious eye after feeling his movements become vigorous under her, she encountered his most private part in his hand as he attempted to get himself off.

 _Well, that answers my question._

Because she knew this would be the last time they did this, she moved her hand down to his, stopping him. "Syaoran..." she called, wanting to help him, but not quite sure how to without feeling terrible about herself.

At this point, she could not tell if her actions were out of pity or love this time.

Her wonders were answered the moment he grabbed her hand, making her grab him, which made her realize she _wanted_ to help him, rather than it being pity.

When a breathless gasp slipped past his lips, she obeyed his silent demand, wanting him to feel fully satisfied.

His hands moved from her waist, to her head and grabbed her locks tightly, as he always did when he wanted something.

 _A kiss_.

He pulled her head back and closed the gap between their lips tightly.

She continued to stroke him as his mouth devoured hers in one of the most pleasurable ways possible.

She could not understand herself sometimes. One minute she would be this strong and determined to get whatever she wants woman, but then at other times, she would be this weak and easy to control woman.

There was no balance. She always wanted to be the strong and independent woman, but somehow, Syaoran always brought the weak and vulnerable woman out of her at times like this.

Her past lover never even made her feel this way. After he had come back from his deployment, she had been strong. Never showing a single weak bone in her body, aside from the one time she decided to accept the easy way out; which was death. And yet somehow, Syaoran made her feel okay to show how she truly felt.

His trembling and groan put a pause on her thoughts, warning her that he had just spilled his essence on her hand.

It was not even a full minute before his body was ready for action again. This was starting to become too much, proving that he still needed to get himself together. There was no way they could continue like this.

"This has to stop, Syaoran," she chastised softly, not wanting to come off as too harsh. After all, she was about to get ready to hurt him _again_.

"I know, baby, but you know that I can't get enough of you. Just one more round, I promise," he said. "You can't get enough of this cock anyway."

She could feel a blush creep to her cheeks, feeling his hot breath brush against her ear. He was using the husky tone that always turned her on. He was doing it again, trying to seduce her into getting what he wants.

She would not let him this time, though.

As soon as his lips captured hers, she pulled back before the kiss could even turn into a real one. She frowned at him, showing her disapproval of his actions. "No, Syaoran...really, this needs to stop. We can't keep doing _this_."

"Why not?" he asked, sounding irritated with her.

She knew that he knew what she is referring to, despite her telling him that they would take things slow and try to make them work. She could tell that his patients was running dry, which she could not blame him for.

She was being complicated. She just could not help it.

"You know why..." she said softly.

She could see the guilt in his eyes for a moment before it disappeared. "No, I don't know why, actually. You've been avoiding me for the past couple of weeks and it's been driving me insane. You know I can't fucking be away from you for that long, yet you've made me endure it!"

And she did know all of this. She just wished that she could do something about this—take away this pain somehow, but she could not. She was the source of this pain. She almost felt sorry for him because of what she was putting him through.

Her eyes softened, and she grabbed his face gently, caressing it, in a way to apologize to him; let him know that she is sorry for everything she has put him through. But, she still had to put his pain to an end.

So, she used the excuse and fact that would hurt him the most. "It's not right for me to be with a patient like this. Especially one who has an addiction to —"

"Don't say it!"

She knew how he felt about his problem, but he still needed to be reminded that it still _is_ his problem.

When his body trembled in anger under her, she knew he took it as a way of her throwing it in his face. "Syaoran, you know I didn't mean it like that—"

He cut her off with his lips in a bruising kiss that she accepted wholeheartedly. She deserved this, and more. She is the one who should be hurting the most, not him when he had been nothing but good to her over these months.

They may have had a rough start, but she still had changed him and made him a better man. And now, she was tearing him down. She hated herself so much for being selfish in a moment like this.

Her eyes opened when she felt his hand grab her breast. For a moment, she wondered if he was trying to have sex because of the negative emotions, but she disregarded it. Syaoran is not like that anymore, she reminded herself. He was upset right now, but that was not why they were about to have sex. He was trying to have sex with her in hopes of making her stay with him.

When one of his hands dropped between her legs, she closed them on instincts, but his body made it between them before she could. Her ears registered a moan escape her mouth when his teeth encountered the oddly sensitive area on her body.

She could feel him position himself over her entrance as his tongue snaked across her collarbone, alleviating the pain from his earlier bite.

Even at a time like this, he was still being kind to her; caring about her well-being.

She could not help but feel like she does not deserve him.

He further proved her point by focusing on her, even though he was still furious with her actions. Even though she saw he still cared for her, something told her that this would be the last time they would be together like this. Not because she decided it, but he would.

And for some reason, that thought angered her when it should not have. She should have been happy that he was finally accepting defeat. Accepting that they would not be together...

At that thought, she felt him push inside of her to the hilt, making her moan loudly at the discomfort.

How could she care when this would be their last time together, though?

Their dance began in no time, just wanting to feel that sensation of pain and pleasure. It made her feel good. It seized some of the guilt from her aching heart. She needed this pain.

When his lips found hers in another bruising kiss, she attempted to kiss him harder, but failed miserably. There was no way she could hurt him anymore than she already has.

The thumping of his headboard against the wall, did nothing to better her position. It only spurred her on to get this last time over with.

She could feel her upending release rising in her abdomen as their lips continued to assault each other's.

When his hand slid between their bodies to rub the sensitive flesh, she could feel her eyes water at his actions.

He was still trying to put her first. He was still trying to put her needs before his own. How could she ever make up for the pain she has put him through?

Even giving him a chance to be with her would never make up for the pain he was going through.

She closed her eyes, just listening to the sounds they both emitted and their flesh meeting each other's quickly.

"Say my name…" she faintly heard him say as her entire being was drowned in the pleasure of their erotic dance.

She opened her mouth, wanting to give him what he wanted, but his hips slammed into hers harder; making it hard to talk. He even had to hold on to her shoulders to prevent her from sliding back from the force.

"Sy—"

She was cut off by her own moan when he picked up the speed of his thrusts.

"Now, Sakura!" he said with clenched teeth

"Syaoran!" she moaned, digging her nails into his flesh painfully tight as she came undone under him.

It was not even a full 30 seconds before she felt him spill inside of her.

He took a deep breath before he pulled out of her, moving to the side of the bed.

They did not speak a word, just listening to their rapid breathing. Sakura was too afraid of saying anything, but she knew she had to.

"Syaoran...we can't—"

"Get the hell out, Sakura. I'm done with your mind games fucking with my head."

Hearing him say that broke her heart, not believing that he was capable of doing so. He had never been that cold to her before.

In the beginning he was, but never _this_ cold. It hurt more than she thought it would.

It hurts so much that she wanted to take back her decision of ending them. "But, Syaoran—"

He glared at her, making her hush in an instant. He was done with her. She could tell from the cold look in his eyes. It was similar to the look he used to have, but far colder this time.

This hurt more than anything he ever did.

She stood up from the bed quietly with tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment.

She could not do this anymore. It was too much for her.

She grabbed the first thing she saw and slipped the large shirt on that reached past her mid-thigh. She took a deep breath before leaving the room and his apartment quickly without another word.

She had not even bothered to think about transportation until after she closed the door of his apartment and walked out into the cold winter night.

Dressed only in a T-shirt, she realized she could not feel anything besides the hurt of everything.

She had brought this on herself, though.

She had not expected him to chase her forever. She knew they would end things between them eventually. She just could not understand why this hurt her more than anything had ever hurt her in her entire life.

She sniffed, feeling the hot tears spill from her eyes before she let her feet lead her down the steps of his apartment.

She could feel her bare feet go numb as soon as she stepped into the snow. It burned, yet it could not compare to the pain of knowing she lost Syaoran.

She let her legs lead her away from his apartment, ignoring everything besides the tightening feeling in her chest.

* * *

It was done. They were finally done, which meant it was over. The pain would go away, just like he planned for it to.

She was gone.

Syaoran sat up on the bed, running a shaky hand through his soaked hair. He took a deep breath, trying to get his heart under control.

Now, his life would get back to normal, right? He was no longer a patient, which meant he had nothing to worry about anymore, right?

He felt...free. He could do what he wants again. Everything would go back to normal before Sakura came in his life...yet, he had no desire to do any of that anymore.

He still wanted Sakura, but her indecisive actions were enough to make him realize that she did not feel the same way about him.

He could not force anything on her, so his best bet was to let her go. Let her do what she wanted.

He was tired of trying to force her into wanting him the way he wanted her.

It was clear that they were after two completely different things.

He wanted something long term that would last, while she just wanted a good fuck every now and then. That's what he thought, at least.

He deserved better than that, though.

He could not understand how she could just lie to him like that; make him the happiest man alive by telling him those things. It was so cruel and... unlike her, he realized.

Syaoran has never pegged her as the type to trample over a person's emotions like that. She never showed any traits that would make him think that, but tonight...she showed him her true colors.

Perhaps, that's what made him happy to see her leave. He was more than just a good fuck. He may have done a lot of wrong things in the past, but he was a good guy now. He would never do anything to purposely hurt anyone anymore.

He deserved to be loved and cared for. He was more than what Sakura made him feel tonight; like an object used for her own pleasure.

His fists clenched as he thought about it. He could not believe that she was truly that hypocritical. After everything she said about him not needing to use her to make himself feel better to him not needing to have sex as much, she had done the exact thing.

She used him until she could not use him anymore.

He took a deep breath, hoping the pain and anger would wash away from his heart, yet it did not. He sat up on the bed, only to feel the cool breeze slap his sweaty skin. And that was when he realized something.

Sakura had left in just a T-shirt, no panties and all while it was probably one of the coldest nights in Tomoeda.

"Fuck," he said under his breath angrily.

He had just kicked her out and accepted that they would never see each other again unless they **_had_** to. He still felt angry with her for the way she had been treating him, yet his heart told him to protect her; keep her safe from everything.

He did not want to do this, though. He had just thrown all his pride away earlier to have her, and now, she was trying to make him do it again? He would never do that for a woman who kept hurting him, right?

Without thinking, he jumped out of bed and slipped on the first clothes he saw before grabbing his keys and rushing out of the apartment. The moment he turned the car on, he did not even let it warm up before he pulled out of the complex, driving off into the streets.

He drove around for 10 minutes, looking for her before he realized he had been sitting in his room for the past 30 minutes, thinking about his own self-worth and what he deserved.

He never thought letting go of a woman who used him would make him realize how much he loved himself. Then again, everything was always different with Sakura.

He drove towards her house before he saw a person, lying on the ground, body covered in snow.

Once he saw the auburn hair, his heart dropped in his chest, making him realize it was Sakura.

Not caring that he was in the middle of the road, he put the car in park and got out of the car immediately, rushing over to the sidewalk where he saw her body.

He forgot about his anger towards her for a moment before leaning down to wipe the snow off her body, and then picking her frozen body up bridal style.

When he felt how lifeless her body was in his arms, the alarms went off in his head and his heart.

He rushed her over to his car, opening the door and putting her inside the back seat.

He got inside with her, closing the door behind him to trap in the warm heat. Immediately, he checked her pulse, making sure she was not dead.

He picked up on one before he decided to shake her gently. "Sakura," he called calmly.

He shook her again and again before the panic rose in his chest at her lack of response.

She was still unconscious.

He wondered how long she had been out before he got here.

"Sakura," he called again, running his hands up and down her arms fast, trying to provide some warmth to her ice-cold skin. He rubbed her legs vigorously, starting to regret his decision of throwing her out like that in this weather.

He could not help but realize he was not thinking when he did that.

"Sakura," he called again, shaking her before pulling her body towards his so he could wrap his arms around her body.

When he heard her gasp and felt her tremble in his arms, his heart relaxed a bit before he squeezed her tightly.

"Don't you fucking dare scare me like that again," he said tightly, rubbing up and down her arm.

"W-What are you doing here?" she stuttered, shivering in his arms.

"I should be asking you that," he said, glaring ahead.

"I-I-I had to get home," she said.

He frowned, caressing her wet hair. "Not laying out there in the snow like that," he said, his voice sounding cold.

He still felt upset with her, but he could not turn her away.

"Y-you don't have to be here," she said stubbornly, trying to pull away from him.

He glared at her, yanking her body back towards his. "After all this shit you've been putting me through, the least you could do is show some gratitude for me saving your ass," he said tightly.

He grabbed her hands between his and brought them to his lips, blowing his breath to warm them.

"You don't have to be here," she said again, but not pulling away from him this time. "I don't want anyone's help—"

"Just stop it, Sakura! I'm tired of your shit and your random mood swings and your indecisive behavior. If you didn't want to be with me, that's all you had to say to begin with instead of telling me that shit. I would've left you the fuck alone instead of you letting me look like a fool!" he said angrily, making her shut up.

Syaoran took a deep breath, hoping it would relieve some of his anger towards her. "I'm..."

"I'm sorry..." she said quietly.

When he heard the tremor in her voice, his heart had this unsettling twist in his chest. "Just, don't," he said, not wanting to hear or see her tears. They would break him. They would make him turn into the fool she had him acting like these last weeks.

"I don't even want to hear an apology from you," he said, holding her tighter.

They were silent in the car for a while, just cuddling on the back seat of his car. He hoped that she would stay silent, so he did not have to hear her voice.

When she shivered under him, he released her and pushed her to get up. Once she sat up, he did too, only to take his coat off.

He grabbed her arm, pulling her cold wet back to him and draped the coat over her body.

When she tried to sit up and speak, he made a grunting noise, stopping her. "I'm fine," he said before she could even complain. "Just don't talk."

He leaned his head back against the seat, closing his eyes tightly.

He hated this emotion she always made him feel. He never understood why he feels this way about her.

He wished he could treat her like those other women in the past. Have a good time and leave. But, no, with her, he never wanted to leave.

Even after her toying with his emotions for this long, he still wanted to take care of her, hold her until she feels safe.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

He could remember the conversation they had one night after making love. His body would not stop reacting to her every touch, her scent—anything that involved her. No matter what they did to relieve him, it still would not stop, so much that it even started to hurt, as it should.

It brought back memories to when he first hit puberty. It would be on Sundays when he had a day off that he would sit in his room all day and masturbate to porn until it would start to become painful to.

He shuddered at that thought, brushing it to the side, reverting back to his earlier thoughts about the conversation they had during that time.

He had asked her why she had such an effect on him, which she responded with telling him that she did not know and could only guess that he was just a sensitive and easy to seduce man.

He took that answer for the time being, yet his heart told him otherwise. He knew that if any other woman were to come on to him, he would not be as affected as he normally is with Sakura.

Only she could make him ache for her choice. Only she could make him bend over backwards for her. And only she could...make him realize how much he deserved better than this.

All this time, he hated himself. All this time, he believed he deserved to feel pain. But now, because of her, he could see how much more he deserved than that. And that was why he felt happy to finally let her go if she would not be with him.

He leaned his head back against the seat, closing his eyes as he unconsciously held her tighter in his arms.

He would just sit here for a while until she warmed up, and then he would take her home, he decided.

However, before he knew it, he could feel himself drifting off to sleep.

* * *

 _Honk._

 _Honk._

Syaoran's head propped up immediately, cracking his neck in the process. He groaned, moving his arm to massage his neck, but felt something holding him down. He looked down, seeing auburn hair.

He took a deep breath and shifted under her weight before turning his head around when he heard another honking sound.

His eyes widened, seeing a line of cars stacked up behind his. "Fuck," he muttered, grabbing her gently. "Get up."

Sakura stirred in her sleep, which Syaoran took the opportunity to slide from under her, making her fall over with a soft "oof," sound.

He opened the car door, rushing to the front.

"Fuck you, asshole!" he heard one of the drivers yelling before he closed the door behind him.

"Shit," he muttered, putting the car in drive before taking off.

"What the hell, Syaoran?" Sakura said in the back seat.

He huffed, keeping his eyes on the road. "Merry Christmas to you too," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, gosh, it's—"

Syaoran's eyes shifted to the front rear view mirror when she suddenly stopped, seeing her fall over on the seat. His eyes shifted back to the road. "Sakura?" he called, feeling himself start to worry about her. She was good at this.

"Sakura?" he called again when she never responded.

He quickly sped to her place, parked the car, and stepped out so he could rush to the back where she is.

His eyes widened, seeing her laid out on the backseat, mouth slightly opened as her breaths came in uneven pants.

Once he noticed her flushed face, he realized she was sick.

 _This is definitely my fault._

Letting any remaining anger wash away, he reached in and grabbed her arms gently to pull her up.

She snatched her arm back from him, letting out a grunting sound. "Leave me here..." she said weakly.

His eyes softened, and he forced her to get out of the car, which she struggled to get free from his grasp.

"Please...I don't want you to do anything else for me," she said sadly.

His heart tightened, hearing the tears in her broken voice. "Sakura," he called softly. "Let me take care of you this last time."

He picked her up bridal style before she could even respond. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her hot face in it.

His cheeks warmed, feeling her hot breath brush against his skin as he walked them to her room after closing and locking his door. He was sure to keep his coat around her as much as he could, not wanting her cold or anyone else seeing her naked body.

"Where's your key?" he asked gently once they faced her door.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head.

"You left everything at my place..." he trailed off.

"Put me down..." she said softly. "There's a spare key under the mat."

He placed her on her feet gently, leaning down to lift the mat and take the key from under it. He unlocked the door, gently pushing her inside before closing the door behind him.

With her back turned against him, he was reminded of the times they would come in and go straight at it as soon as the door would close.

It was different this time, though. It was different because he would not allow her to use him anymore. He would not offer her anymore sex unless she would be with him.

She started to walk, but stammered in her steps, which Syaoran was quick to grab her arm gently.

"We need to get you in the shower and dressed in something warmer," he said.

"Can't...I have to...get to my fathers—"

"You can't go back out in this weather, Sakura. It's horrible enough that you're still capable of being this stubborn. I'm going to go and run you some water as soon as I get some heat turned on in here," he said, picking her up bridal style and carrying her to her room.

She hit against his chest weakly before dropping her head against his shoulder. "I can...wal..."

Syaoran looked down, seeing she had fallen asleep.

He sighed, realizing he would be spending Christmas Day taking care of her.

This was **not** how he planned to spend Christmas, but because it was Sakura, he did not mind one bit.

* * *

Syaoran pat her flushed face with the cool rag gently, trying to reduce some of the heat.

After he had made her get in the shower, he had laid out some comfy pajamas for her with fluffy socks to keep her warm. He had tucked her in, checked her temperature, and had her eat some soup an hour ago.

She had been sleeping since then, with him watching her every move, and unsteady breathing after he came back from the pharmacy store to pick up some medicine for her.

He hated seeing her like this. She was normally strong and independent, but now, she was at her weakest self.

 _All because of me._

He glanced at the clock, seeing it was past noon. Her family must be worried about her not coming.

"My phone..." he heard her small voice.

 _Did I say that out loud?_

"I need to...call my father to let him know I'll be late," she said before coughing.

He frowned, caressing her hair gently. "I'll call and let them know. Where's your phone?"

When she did not say anything and kept her eyes closed, he knew the answer to that. "My place...do you know their number?" he asked.

She took a deep unsteady breath, nodding her head.

"I'm going to get my phone," he said, already standing to leave the room.

"Syaoran," she called weakly, stopping him. "You don't have to do this for me..."

He sighed, leaving the room to get his phone, and coming back immediately with it in his hand. "Take this medicine," he said, grabbing the medicine off the bed stand.

He tried to sit her up a little, but she stubbornly shrugged him off. "Sakura, could you just... _please_ , do this one thing for me? Take the medicine to make me feel better, at least," he said.

She stopped and sat up slightly.

He handed her the medicine and the glass of water. He was sure to watch her take it before helping her lie back down.

"Give me your father's number," he said.

She shook her head. "Not necessary..." she said quietly.

"For the love of God, would you stop being so stubborn, woman?" he bellowed, glaring at her.

She bit her lip lightly and was quiet for a while before she told him her father's number slowly.

He pressed the call button, putting it to his ear. He listened to it ring a few times, feeling like his heart would burst out of his chest before the man picked up the phone.

 _"Kinomoto residence's speaking,"_ he answered.

Syaoran took a deep breath and released it. "H-hello, this is Li Syaoran speaking," he said.

 _"Oh, Dr. Li. I hope everything's going well with you on this morning. Merry Christmas,"_ Fujitaka said gently.

Syaoran smiled a little. "Merry Christmas to you too. About that everything going well thing...I'm with Sakura right now and she's behind the weather, so she may not make it to dinner tonight," he explained.

 _"Oh, should I—"_

"No, no, no. I have everything under control. I've been taking care of her, so don't worry about her. She will be better in no time. I just wanted to let you all know that she wouldn't make it," he said.

 _"I hope she gets better...if you guys need anything, let me know and we'll—"_

"Please, with all due respect, she doesn't want you guys to worry, and neither do I. I promise to have your daughter back into better health," he promised.

 _"Alright. I'm putting my trust in you, son,"_ he said.

Syaoran could feel his heart explode like fireworks in his chest at that. Or, so it felt that way.

"Th-thank you. I'll keep you guys updated," he stuttered.

 _"Send her my regards and tell her to keep her phone on her, please,"_ he said.

"Y-Yes sir," he said, not able to tell him that it was at his place.

Fujitaka said his farewells before they hung up.

Syaoran turned back around to the bed, only to see her eyes closed with her mouth slightly parted as she breathed through her mouth. He sat in the chair beside the bed that he brought in here earlier.

He caressed her soft hot cheeks gently, staring at her face. He wished he could do something more to make her feel better but knew he could not.

Antibiotics was the first thought that came to his mind, but he did not want to leave her for too long and the hospital was not closer than the pharmacy store.

He would just have to wait it out as her body fought it off.

"You know..."

He looked at her as soon as he heard her voice. "Shh..." he said gently, caressing her face.

"Last night, I dreamed of Eichii again after years..." she said, keeping her eyes closed. "Just as I made my mind up about trying us out...I dream of him."

His eyes softened, hearing the tears in her voice, though she had her eyes closed.

"It was of...the last night I saw him." Her voice cracked, breaking his heart.

He did not say anything, knowing it was breaking her to talk about this, but she had to. She had told him herself; talking about things could help a person feel better. He wanted to be here for her like she had been for him.

"We had just had an argument about nothing, really...I saw all the signs...that told me he didn't want to live anymore. I ignored them and... _that_ happened..." she trailed off.

"What happened?" he finally asked.

And to his surprise, she told him what happened. _Everything_. Even down to the physical, mental, and emotional abuse.

When she finished, she had not even cried during the entire time of her talking. She just sounded exhausted and torn.

"So... this is why I can't trust you so easily or myself. That is what I mean by...fix myself first," she said quietly.

"Could you open your eyes and look at me?" he asked gently.

He understood so much more about her now. He still would not disregard her actions up until now, but he felt that he understands her a lot more now.

"No... I don't have the strength to cry right now," she said.

He caressed her hair again. "Okay, don't. Do you know how you will fix the problem, though?" he asked gently.

She shook her head slightly. "Remember the pivotal event that started the behavior," she said.

"Which was?"

She was quiet for a moment, making him patiently wait.

"Eichii...said something," she said quietly. "It was one time..."

When she stopped talking, it made him think she might have just fallen asleep.

"'If you love me, you would understand where I'm coming from and support me in every way you can...' that's what he said," she said. "And, because I was much younger than I am now, I took that manipulative response and ran...and took that statement too far," she said quietly.

"Okay, and how—?"

"I feel like this would all end if I could see him one last time to just… _talk_ to him. Know if everything I did was in vain. To hear why he did what he did...what happened out there when he was gone... _something_. I just...why can't I let this part of my past go? Why can't I become a better person already?"

"You're not a bad person, Sakura," he said, wanting her to feel better about herself.

Despite his realization of how she had been treating him until now, he could not just let her feel this way.

"Why did I do this to you, then? You don't deserve anymore pain than you already experience. You don't deserve anything but love, yet I..." she said brokenly.

Syaoran could slowly feel the guilt creep in for feeling hurt by her actions.

"And, please, don't feel bad. I don't want to seem like a manipulative person, because I'm not normally like that...and I..." She stopped, seeming at a loss for words to explain herself.

Because she told him to stop feeling guilty, and he saw that was not her intentions, the guilt washed away slowly. He did have a right to feel hurt.

"Okay..."

"What I've done to you is wrong and you do deserve better. I want you to know that, okay?"

Syaoran nodded, already knowing this. But now that she had opened up and told him everything about her past relationship, he knew why she acts the way she does.

Her and Eichii had been together for years, and he ended up changing after his deployment. Sakura had just been the one to take the backlash of it all.

While he thought that he was damaged goods, it was Sakura who has been this entire time. He could not understand how he did not see that until now.

He looked at her and nodded his head again. "You should get more rest," he said softly.

She hummed, pulling the blankets closer to her body. "I'm sorry you had to spend your Christmas like this..." she said softly.

"I'm with you, so that's enough for me," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"Don't watch me sleep..." she said before drifting off to sleep.

Syaoran smiled a little, sitting back in the chair, keeping his eyes on her flushed face.

The smile dropped from his face immediately, as he reminded himself that they would probably never be together. Unless...

There was only one more thing he could do to determine if they would be together. And that was help Sakura get better.

It would all start at the mental institution in Tokyo.

* * *

"Ahhh," Syaoran said, holding a spoon full of soup towards her mouth as she sat up on the bed.

"I've had enough," she said with a pout on her lips.

"One more spoon after this one," he said.

"You said that before this one," she whined.

He smiled, shaking his head. "I promise this time."

She let out a sigh before letting him feed her. After taking one more spoonful, she moved back from him. "There, no more," she said stubbornly.

Syaoran chuckled, sitting the bowl of soup down. "Okay. As promised, your majesty."

She sighed before looking at him with a sad smile on her face. "Thank you...I'm feeling a lot better."

"You've been sleeping all day, so I'd hope you feel better," he said, smiling at her.

"Still, thank you. Were you supposed to spend today with your sisters and Meilin?"

He shrugged. "It's fine. I'll see them before the year's out," he said.

"Still..."

"Stop it," he said. "Don't worry about anything besides your health."

"Okay..."

"You know...I thought I was the only one who didn't set up my place for Christmas," he said suddenly, looking around her room.

"It's just me and... I'm not here often during the month of December and I typically spend Christmas with my family at my father's. I see no need to," she explained.

He nodded. "I'm usually at the hospital."

"Oh...so this is your first time spending Christmas at home?" she asked timidly.

"Yeah. It's not like it's a big deal, though," he said nonchalantly.

She frowned. "I would have invited you to come over and spend it with my family if I had known..." she said quietly. "You met my dad, right?"

His cheeks colored, thinking back on their first meeting. He had humiliated himself to the utmost. "Y-Yeah..."

She laughed softly. "I wasn't even there to see..."

"You wouldn't have been able to bear it," he said, feeling his cheeks warm even more.

"Well, I'm sure it wasn't that bad," she said.

"I'm sure it was worse than you think," he said, shaking his head.

"Well, maybe next time I'll be there to see myself," she said.

When the slightest bit of hope rose in his chest, he was reminded that there would be no next time because they could probably never be together.

"I doubt there will be a next time," he said.

He would not let her give him any more hope than she already has.

Silence fell in the room at that statement, almost making him regret saying that.

"Syaoran...I... you..." She sighed. "I wish we could...make this work somehow. I just want to—"

"Let's take a trip to Tokyo for New Years—"

"Syaoran," she called.

" _Sakura_. Just...let me do this last thing for you and I'll get the hell out of your life like you want me to," he said, feeling his heart break all over again at hearing it out loud.

Her face showed how distraught she felt about hearing him say that. He could not understand why. _She_ wanted this. Not him. She gave him nothing to work with, so he did not know what he could do anymore besides hurt and hope that she would give in to him hopefully.

Even if she wanted him to wait for her, he would wait. All she had to do was ask him and he would do it. Yet, she had only said they could not be together.

"So? Let's go to Ageha that night...and maybe we could spend a few days out there..."

"Tokyo is..." She shook her head. "I can't go out there."

"Yes, you can. And you will...I promise you won't regret it. You trust me, right?"

"I..."

Syaoran looked at her pleadingly. "Please...this has nothing to do with me, okay? I'll pay for everything...including two separate rooms. How could you ever move on if you can't even go and _visit_ Tokyo? You have to do this, just like I'll have to visit my hometown and talk with that woman. If you do it, then I'll definitely do it and—"

"Okay, Syaoran," she said softly.

He smiled, glad he had convinced her to do it.

"Let's go on the 30th and we can head back here on the first," he said.

"Then what?" she asked softly.

He shrugged. "Then, we move on with our lives if you get your closure. I don't think you want to continue therapy with me anymore, so I'll just..."

"We can still be friends and... we'll see after that, okay? I still want to be here for you. I just..." She trailed off, seeming to be lost.

"We can be friends still," he said, feeling his own heart ache at that statement.

He could be her friend still, but he just wanted more.

"If you find someone else, then I can't..." He shook his head. "I can't be around to watch that."

"I won't. You know you're the one I—"

A knock on the door interrupted her statement, making him want to slam the person's face into a wall.

And then a thought crossed his mind, making him realize that he did not know so much about Sakura.

"Who's that?" he asked in a well-mannered tone.

There was no reason for him to make any assumptions about her seeing someone else. She had told him that she wanted him, so there was no reason to doubt her right now.

"I don't know. I'll—"

When she made a move to get up, he stood up first, pushing her back on the bed. "Don't you dare think about getting out of this bed until you're better," he said, giving her a pointed look. "I'll get it."

"But—"

"I'll get it," he said, already walking out of her room to the living room.

Not even bothering to look in the peephole, he unlocked the door, opening it.

"Why the hell did I know it was this gaki here with her?"

Syaoran looked at the two men standing in front of him before his eyes landed on the brunette in a glare.

When he thought his Christmas could not get any better than the woman he wanted being sick, her overprotective brother shows up.

 _Just fucking great._

* * *

 **A/N: Hello, everyone! I didn't get the chapters out as fast as I planned for myself to, but either way, Happy New Years! I'm hoping that everyone has a great year with a lot of positivity and great opportunities :).**

 **Sooo, I did not expect to get so much support from the last chapter. That was the most reviews that I have ever gotten in one chapter, which was very overwhelmingly wonderful, so thank you guys so much! :D I really appreciate them. I tried to answer any questions, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get to respond to all of your reviews, because I've been too anxious to get the next chapter posted first, but I did read them all, as usual lol.**

 **Anyway, I'm pretty sure that you guys did not expect the prologue to be in this chapter and for the chapter to end like this. I just decided to do it in Sakura's point of view so we could see what shes going through. There's still a little(extremely little, just to warn you all) more time before the big separation happens, because they do need the space to realize how much they are head over heels for each other. It will help Syaoran, but it will definitely help Sakura, seeing how much she got hurt by his rejection in this chapter.**

 **I do have the next chapter done, but I have to wrap up a few things in it, so it shouldn't be long before I post it! Just give me 2-3 business days and it'll be posted :P. I'll end the note here to get the chapter posted.**

 **Ja ne!**


	34. The Blame Game

**"The Blame Game"**

* * *

Touya stared at the man in front of him, glaring daggers into his soul, _hopefully_.

"Touya, calm down," he heard Yukito say beside him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked again, pushing Syaoran aside so he could walk through the door without his permission.

He sensed Yukito looking at the man apologetically before walking in the house himself.

"I don't remember giving you permission to come in," Syaoran said, glaring at Touya, which resulted in a glaring battle between the two.

Touya made a move to launch towards Syaoran, but Yukito grabbed his shoulder gently. "Touya," he called in a warning tone.

"This little asshole is getting smart with me in _my_ sister's house. And, how is she sick within a span of 24 hours? This bastard has to be the cause behind it." He glared at him, wanting to smack the smug look off the doctor's face. "Where is she anyway?"

"Resting—"

"I wasn't talking to you," Touya said, moving past Syaoran with a bump to his shoulder as he walked through the house. "Can't believe the Kaijuu skipped out on Christmas," he said under his breath to himself.

He headed to her room, feeling annoyed with the footsteps following closely behind him. He pushed her door open, eyes landing immediately on her bed where she sat up.

His face faltered, seeing her pale skin, but flushed cheeks. "What bus ran you over?" he said sarcastically, walking towards her bed, sitting in the chair beside it.

She frowned before a pout formed on her lips. "I knew I heard your loud voice," she said quietly.

The smug look left his face the moment he heard how weak and vulnerable she sounded. He sighed, shaking his head. "I didn't even know that kaijuu's were capable of getting sick," he said.

"Mou, did you really come here to make me feel worse?" she whined, making him smile a little.

That is the response he was looking for.

"No, I was coming here to beat the asshole that I knew would be here _and_ who did this to you," he said, sounding annoyed again.

"Syaoran?" she questioned.

He scoffed. "First name basis now?" he asked in a disappointed tone.

"Touya, don't make things harder on her," he heard his best friend at the door.

Sakura gasped softly. "Yukito-kun, too?"

Touya looked at her face, noticing her face turn redder. And not because she's sick.

He rolled his eyes. "When does he ever not tag along when I'm here?" he said.

Sakura pursed her lips. "Shut—"

"I wanted to see that you were doing alright myself," Yukito said, walking all the way in the room.

Sakura giggled softly, making Touya cut his eyes at her. He could not understand how his sister still had a thing for a man she knew she would never be with.

Honestly thinking, he did not think that she actually liked him. But because his best friend was a kind and charming man, there was no way that a person could not like him.

He heard someone clear their throat at the door, making him look in the direction to see that it was Syaoran. He had a scowl on his face as he marched over to the bed where they were. Touya looked at him from the corner of his eyes, wondering what the man was up to now.

If he could have, he would have been butt in and stopped whatever Sakura had with this man before it was too late. Because he had been too far away from them, he did not even get the chance to properly meet Syaoran and scare him away.

All he knew was that the man had this sense of protection over his sister the moment he opened his eyes in that hospital. He could tell that Syaoran would be the man to sweep his sister off her feet. He could tell that Syaoran would be the one to fight for her no matter what.

And that's what made him hate the doctor even more.

"I don't think we've properly met, Dr. Li," Yukito said, turning to Syaoran.

Touya watched the scene, seeing Syaoran's displeasure with Yukito.

A smirk crept to his lips before he turned to Sakura. "Is this really your type?" he asked.

When his sister's cheeks colored, he rolled his eyes, feeling annoyed with her response. He had expected her to retaliate like she always does by yelling at him for being rude or embarrassing her. It may have just been because she is sick right now, but there was still the thought that the doctor actually is her type, which annoyed him.

"Well, either way, we'll be spending the rest of our day until you're well enough to come," Touya said confidently.

He could feel the doctor glaring at the back of his head. "That's not even possible. Don't you have a wife and kids?"

Touya turned around to face him with a glare on his face. "And don't you know how to mind your business?"

"You two aren't making me feel any better with your arguing," Sakura said, making them look at her.

"Sakura's right. We should go so she could get more rest," Yukito suggested.

She smiled at him appreciatively, making Touya take the hint.

He sighed, looking at her. "You need to get better," he said, popping her forehead softly, not wanting to hurt her.

She pursed her lips slightly before a small sad smile formed on her lips as she slid back down to lay. "I'm trying," she said softly, eyes drifting close slowly.

He smiled a little. "Kaijuu."

Her eyes flew open, glaring at him with the familiar fire he loved. "Wait until I get back up. You're dead," she threatened.

He smirked. "Looking forward to your failure." He stood up from the chair, smiled down at her before walking out of the room with the other two men.

The moment he closed the door behind them softly, he turned to Syaoran with narrowed eyes. "Are you planning to stay here?"

"I do believe that I promised her father that I'd take care of her until she gets better," Syaoran said confidently.

Touya frowned before walking past the two. "I'm going to turn on a movie in the living room."

He hated the doctor so much, but he had never given him a reason to think that the man would hurt his sister. Any man who came into Sakura's life was very capable of hurting her, though. He knew the last bastard had hurt her, but he never knew to what extent. Sakura had changed after that, so he knew it had to have been bad.

He hated himself for almost an entire year for not knowing what the bastard had done to his sister, or even where he was. Thanks to Nakuru, she kept him sane.

Now, he had to deal with another man who is trying to take his sister away again. He was convinced that he hates every man who liked his sister now.

Syaoran just happened to be one of them.

* * *

Sakura giggled softly at Yukito's comment about needing to drag Touya out of the house or they would never leave. Touya and Yukito were finally getting ready to leave after spending time with her for the last hour when she woke up.

She had finally convinced them to go home to her father's. She still felt stumped about missing Christmas at their dad's home, but she knew it would have just ruined their Christmas because they would be too worried about her. She never liked to make anyone worry about her, though she seemed to do that a lot.

Her eyes landed on Syaoran who seemed to be feeling awkward about something Yukito had said that she missed, clearly.

She could not believe that he had come to her rescue _again_. After kicking her out like that, she knew that he would never speak to her again. Yet, he came back, saving her like he always does. She did not know where they stand at the moment, but something told her that Syaoran was really done with the games.

She knew he would not sleep with her, seduce her, or try to charm her anymore until she decided what she wants. And she could not even be too sure about that happening either.

Right now, Syaoran had a new mindset that she could not quite place her finger on.

She knew there was nothing she could do to make him feel better about the way she had been treating him; making him feel like he was just good for sex. He is so much more than sex, though. He is Syaoran, one of the most caring men in her life. She wanted nothing but the best for him, and she knew she could not give him what he wanted. She was glad that he knew that now.

"Hey, we're going to head out seriously this time. Are you sure you don't want to come with?" Touya asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She looked at him, seeing the desperate look in his eyes before she shook her head slowly. "I don't want to worry anyone. If I'm feeling better in the morning, I'll drop by. Plus, I still have to give you all your Christmas gifts," she said, smiling at him a little.

After she had woken up from her nap, she had come to the living room and watched the movie with them. Or, more like they talked during the entire movie. She had been feeling a lot better since she woke up, so she should be fine to go out there in the morning.

"Here, I'll go and get them—"

Touya stopped her before she could get up. "Tomorrow," he said, looking at her pointedly. She saw the look as a way of telling her that she had no other choice but to drop by tomorrow.

She sighed with a smile on her face, knowing what her brother was telling her. "Tomorrow," she promised.

Sakura and Syaoran bid the two goodbye, without Syaoran and Touya having a glare battle before they left, leaving them alone again.

Sakura stood at the door with her hand on the knob after closing it behind her brother.

She did not know if she could have any further conversations with him because it would just make things worse. She had already agreed to going to Tokyo with him for New Years, so she did not want to give him any more hope than that.

She could not even begin to fathom how she let him convince her to do that.

Tokyo, of all places? She could not help but feel like Syaoran was hiding something drastic from her now.

Going to Tokyo with him would be the only way to find out what it was.

 _I'm such an idiot._

"Sakura," he called, his voice sending chills down her body.

He had not even tried to do that, yet it still affected her like it always does.

She took a deep breath before turning around to face him hesitantly. Her breath caught in her throat at the look he had in his eyes.

He looked tired and worn out.

"Syaoran..." she called softly, slowly walking over to him. "You should get some sleep."

He sighed, shaking his head. "No, I'm fine. I should be telling you that," he said tiredly.

"I've rested enough today already. I've been sleeping since 8 this morning and now it's 8 in the evening...you really should rest."

He closed his eyes for a moment before they opened. "Okay. I'll need a blanket and pillow then," he said.

"Eh?"

"I can't leave until you're better like I promised your father…and because this is really all my fault," he said the last part sadly.

"Okay, it's just, why do you need a blanket and pillow?"

"The couch. I'll rest there for a few hours."

She frowned, not expecting that answer from him. She knew he had said that he would not just jump up and sleep with her anymore, but not sleeping in the same bed as she was being too much. It was very foreign to her.

Even if they would not sleep in the same bed together sometimes, they would not have sex. He had proven himself capable of sleeping beside her without jumping her bones, so why was he suggesting the couch now?

"Syaoran, you can—"

"No, not until we come to a real agreement about what we are going to do about us," he said before she could even finish her statement. "I just need a few hours anyway."

She bit her lip, feeling them tremble at his distance. How could he just go from loving and caring to cold and distant so fast?

Oh right, being fed up with a woman who has continuously strung his emotions along for months now. She did not want to use the excuse of her past on why she played with Syaoran's feelings for this long. Even after the first time they had sex, she had already made up in her mind that they would never be together. And then the second time came around, she reasoned that she just felt lonely. And then the third time came around and she suddenly started to lose excuses as to why she was doing it when she knew from the start that they could never be together. He was still her patient, after all, but even she knew that was just an excuse she kept giving him.

She felt bitter. Not because of him, but herself. She had never done something like this in the past. She had never played anyone as hard as she had been playing him these months. She did fall for him in the process, but not enough to change her mind about not being with him.

Despite him realizing that she had been playing with his emotions for so long now, he still wanted to help.

The fact that he wanted her to spend New Year's with him in Tokyo, to help her, made her heart ache even more. She just could not understand him sometimes. Did he hate her or like her? She could not help but wonder what had happened during those three weeks of her absence. Was it that he realized something else?

"Sakura," she heard him call, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Eh?"

"The blanket..."

"R-right," she stuttered, rushing to get him a blanket.

Once she returned, she handed it to him quietly, which he accepted.

"I'll just rest for a few and then go over to get your things from my place, okay? I'll be right back to check on you and make sure your temperature's gone down," he said.

She swallowed, nodding her head before her phone came to mind.

Akinari had texted her by now, she was sure.

She looked at Syaoran as he laid down on the couch, throwing the blanket over his body.

The moment his head hit the pillow, his eyes closed, and she could tell he was out. He was exhausted because of her...

 _But he deserved it._

She wanted to strangle her inner voice for speaking up.

Syaoran had no business throwing her out in the cold like that, but neither did she have any, playing with his feelings like that.

She sighed softly, staring at his face that is slowly starting to relax. What would she do after New Year's?

He clearly said that he would try to move on with his life if she would not give him an honest answer about giving him a chance. She never wanted that, though.

She just wanted...

 _What do I want?_

* * *

Syaoran stood in front of her door with his fist raised against it, debating if he should wait or go ahead and knock.

It had been three days since he last saw her on Christmas Day.

Before he left that next morning, he made sure she was alright, and her fever had gone down. Once he saw that she was fine, he allowed her to leave and go to her father's house after holding her hostage.

It had been quite awkward that morning, him not even knowing how to depart from her without a single act of intimacy. He was used to giving her a kiss, or even a hug, at least.

He was trying to stick by his word. He would not try anything with her anymore unless she said she wanted it; wanted him— _something_ with him, other than sex. He would not just let her keep using him if that was what she has been doing this entire time. He did understand where she is coming from now. She had been through a lot. Being with her would mean having patience, time, commitment, and the list could goes on. He could not understand how he could do that if she would not even give him the chance to.

He would wait until she gave him her honest answer, and whatever it is, it would determine if he could wait around for her or try and move on as a lonely man again. He was already certain that he would never find a woman he wanted to be with as much as he wanted to be with Sakura. He had absolutely no doubts about that. Therefore, he concluded within these last few days that he would just be alone for the rest of his life.

He still had to remind himself of this every ten minutes when he suddenly felt the urge to send her a text or call.

He wanted to give her space to think about what she wants instead of smothering her like he had been doing this entire time. He would not just sit here and put all the blame on Sakura for the reason he is in this much pain now. He had been the reason too. Sakura did constantly tell him that they could not be together, so it is not like he is completely innocent in this entire situation. He knew from the start that there was a possibility that they could never be together, especially since she kept saying it.

He had decided himself to try and win her over; make her see that he is worth a try. She never made him make that decision, so most of his pain is on him at the end of the day. Everything was not on Sakura, he had reminded himself after thinking about everything the next day.

Though she had three weeks to think about being with him, he knew that her mind was not solely focused on him. She had other things to worry about instead of just him. He was trying to be more understanding instead of jumping to conclusions now.

After New Year's and his plan, if she still told him she did not want to, he would let her go like he knew he had to. He could not just sit and mope around like a lost puppy when she would never be with him. He may not look at another woman the way he looks at her, but he still needed to be at peace with himself and her.

He heard the door unlock before he could even knock, making him put his fist down quickly.

The door opened, revealing Sakura with her small suitcase in hand.

As it always does when he sees her, his heart skipped a beat.

She had on a dark green sweater with burgundy leggings and brown knee length boots. She had on a green beanie to top the look, along with gloves.

Not being able to resist the urge any further, he smiled at her a little and caressed her blushing cheeks. "You look cute," he said.

His eyes fell down to her pink lips when she bit them bashfully.

He wanted to lean down and take them between his own, but knew he had to resist it. He could not be the one to cave.

He ripped his eyes away from her lips, realizing it felt harder than normal even though it had only been four days since they last shared a kiss.

He thought he might have died a few weeks ago when she disappeared like that, but this time, it felt much worst. He concluded that it was because she is so close, but he could not do anything about it.

"Thanks..." she said. "And... are you sure you want to spend your New Years with me?"

"Positive," he said quickly. "We're going, whether you like it or not." He gave her a pointed look.

She frowned, showing her displeasure of his demand. "But—"

"You're already packed and ready, so let's go," he said, taking her bag from her hand.

"Hey, I can carry that—"

"Come on," he said, already walking down the steps of her apartment with her bag.

"W-wait a minute," he heard her say behind him distantly, as if she had run back in the house.

He unlocked his car door and placed her bag in the back with his before he settled in the front seat.

A few minutes passed before Sakura came rushing out to the car.

She opened the door to the car and hopped inside, panting softly. "Why are you in such a rush?" she asked, sounding out of breath.

"I'm supposed to check in at the hotel at 5," he said, cranking the car up.

She sighed, bulking up her seatbelt. "Well, I'm sorry you decided to arrive late," she said.

He chuckled softly, shaking his head before he pulled out of the parking lot. "Are you done trying to argue?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

"Mou..." she whined, making him chuckle again.

* * *

"You really didn't have to get such a nice hotel for three days," he heard Sakura say as he sat her bag by the bed. "And the view is so nice!"

He looked in her direction, only to see that she had run to the huge window that displayed all of Tokyo.

A smile crept to his face as he noticed her behavior resembled a child's. He sat on the edge of her bed, dropping his head down so he could look at his hands.

He was not sure how he would bring up the fact that they would be seeing Eichii within the next few days.

He could not help but stress about how she would react to the information, what she would do, and what the outcome would be.

Even though none of this has anything to do with him, he knew that he had to be the person to tell her. Akinari would not tell her clearly, and no one else in this world would have the guts to do it.

He had to do it.

"Are you okay?" he heard her voice, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He looked in her direction, only to see that she was looking at him, and a lot closer than he expected her to be.

Almost instantly, his body reacted as it registered what could occur right now.

They were alone. In a hotel. With one bed. No one would bother them. They would have no interruptions. And not to mention, she was in arms reach.

All he has to do is grab her arm and push her down on the bed and seduce her into having sex with him like he normally would.

It had only been four days...

When he looked her in the eyes, her breath caught in her throat and she began to blush.

"I'm fine, just thinking about the view my room would have," he said, abruptly standing up on the bed.

He prayed that she would not look down and see the excitement in his pants.

"O-oh..." she said quietly.

"Yeah. I'm just in the room across from yours, so just call if you need anything," he said, smiling at her a little.

"You're going over now?" she asked softly.

He could have sworn he heard the disappointment in her tone, but he ignored it; reasoning that it might just be his imagination.

He shrugged. "I'm going to go ahead and get settled in too," he said, walking towards the door.

Before he could even open her door, she stopped him. "Wait, Syaoran."

"I..." She sighed, making him hold the knob of the door tighter as anticipation rose in his chest.

"What is it, Sakura?" he asked softly.

"I just..." She let out a quick huff.

He turned around to see her standing at the foot of the bed, looking in distress. He felt a little bad for her. He could not help if he did not know what she is trying to tell him, though.

"Tokyo is..." She let out another sigh. "Tokyo is a good place with great things. I have so many memories here that it's a little...surreal that I'm actually here again. Being here makes me feel...a little less tense about the thought of Tokyo now, so thank you," she said quietly.

He smiled at her, nodding his head. "I'm glad then," he said before opening the door and walking out.

As soon as he closed the door, the idea of telling her that they were here to see Eichii erased from his mind.

He _had_ to, though. That was the only way he could help her move on.

He sighed before walking to his room. Once he swiped the card to get in, he went straight to unpacking all his clothes.

He sat on his bed and laid back as soon as he finished, with his phone in his hand. He held it up, scrolling on the internet for the number of the institution that Akinari told him.

He put the phone against his ear, listening to it ring as he stared at the ceiling.

After the phone rang one more time, a lady's voice came through the phone, _"Hello, this is Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa Hospital, this is Maiya speaking, how may I help you?"_

"Hello, this is Li Syaoran speaking," he said confidently.

 _"D-dr. Li? Everything doing alright?"_ the woman stuttered over the phone.

"Yes ma'am. I'm calling in regards to one of your patients. I was wondering if a man by the name of Eichii Kobayashi is still present?" he asked.

 _"Kobayashi-kun?"_

"Yes ma'am. I'm a friend wanting to visit," he said.

 _"Yes, he's still presently here. I didn't know that Kobayashi-kun had any friends. No friend has visited him in the last few years that he's been here,"_ Maiya said.

"Well, I was his doctor after the accident. If you'd like, you can contact the hospital he was at when the incident first happened. You'll see that I was the surgeon who performed the complicated surgery when I flew out," he said.

After doing some research, he remembered that he did receive a call from the hospital to help scrub in. At the time, he did not know that it was Eichii.

He had looked so much different on the picture that he saw in Sakura's house. After Akinari told him what happened, all the pieces were finally put together. So, he formulated a plan and felt overly confident that it would work.

 _"Oh! You're right,"_ the receptionist said. _"I remember it clear as day. You want to make a visit?"_

"Yes. I knew him personally and have just found time on my schedule to visit him," he said.

 _"Alright. When should we expect you?"_

"Is today too soon?" he asked uncertainly.

 _"Uhh...I think the morning would be better because that way, he'll have all his meds and—"_

"That's fine. I'll be there bright and early in the morning," he said, not wanting to hear the extra details.

He heard a knock on his door. _"Alright, Dr. Li. Thank you for calling and letting us know,"_ she said.

"Syaoran," he heard Sakura call from outside the door.

He sat up on the bed before ending the call without saying bye. He rushed to the door, opening it to reveal her standing in front of his door.

He could not understand why he felt like he was doing something wrong.

 _You are hiding something from the woman you want._

He cleared his throat, looking at her. "E-everything okay?" he stuttered.

"I... I'm hungry, and thought..."

"You want to go and get some dinner? I know this nice restaurant down the street from here," he said.

Her face brightened and she nodded her head. "Okay. I'll just go and get my things and we can leave," she said, already rushing over to her room.

She yanked the door, trying to open it but it would not budge. "Uh..."

"You forgot your card in the room, didn't you?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Maybe..." she said sheepishly.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Come on, we'll go get you another one," he said.

* * *

"Mmm, it still tastes the same after so many years," Sakura squealed as she bit into the shrimp.

Syaoran smiled a little, watching her eat the food excitedly. He was not even hungry, but because she wanted food, he was alright with sitting here with her.

"You aren't going to eat?" she asked after noticing him watch her.

He took a bite out of his shrimp before training his eyes on her again.

"You know...Me and Eichii used to come here sometimes," she said suddenly.

Syaoran swallowed at the mention of his name. The thought of the man and Sakura being together still unsettled him to no end, but he knew that he had to endure it. This would help her close this chapter of her life. After these three days, there would be no Tokyo in their lives. He would make sure of it too.

"Really?" he asked, making himself interested.

"Yeah. He hated this place because he never liked seafood," she said.

"Well, you should be glad that I do," he said, taking another bite out of his plate.

Sakura giggled. "I am."

Syaoran looked at her, surprised to hear her say that. He did not even respond, not knowing what to say.

"Hey...I was wondering...and I know that it's wrong of me to ask of you and I totally understand if you say no..."

"Sakura," he called softly. "What is it?"

"Could I... stay in your room with you? We don't have to do anything, I just..."

When she trailed off, Syaoran looked at her, seeing the distressed look on her face.

 _How could I ever say no to that?_

"Okay. That's fine," he said.

She let out a breath of relief. "Really? I mean, are you sure? You really don't have to if you don't want to," she said.

He shook his head. "Of course. I know how...your nights are. I'll still be here with you until the very end," he said, though he whispered the last part.

He did not know how she would react when he brought up Eichii, but he knew he had to.

First, he would meet the man alone, talk with him about a few things before bringing the idea up to Sakura.

He was not even sure how he would bring up Eichii being alive yet. He just needed time and tomorrow morning to get there now.

He brushed the thought to the side for now. He had other things to focus on right now. Like, him and Sakura sleeping in the same room tonight.

He would not do anything for sure.

"Thank you...I don't know how I could ever make it up to you," she said sheepishly.

He smiled, grabbing her hand on the table gently and giving it a light squeeze. "Being a little less stubborn could make up for it," he said in a teasing tone.

She giggled, shaking her head. "I'll try then," she promised.

"Good. Now, finish eating your food," he instructed.

She grinned at him before resuming her meal.

They made small talk as they finished their meal.

They drove back to the hotel after they finished, with Sakura going to her room and Syaoran to his.

As soon as he closed the door, his heart almost jumped out of his chest in excitement that he wanted to be pressed down.

He could not believe that Sakura had asked him to _sleep_ with her. She was almost never that bold and open with him. She was starting to show him that she trusts him.

He almost felt a little annoyed that she is starting to after he decided to stop pestering her about them. He would take what she gave him now, though. He would just not be blind with the signs and things she gave him this time.

He walked over to his bed, picking his phone off of it. He swiped it on, seeing that he had a message on his phone.

 **'What room are you in?'** it read.

He had texted Wei earlier that day asking if he could bring something he left at his place. Matter of fact, he had forgotten it like three times already now.

He had Sakura's gift sitting on his couch for the last week, abandoned by his lack of attention. So much had been going on that he always forgot it when he left the house, including today. He only thought of it when they first got settled into their rooms before he texted Wei and asked if he could drop it off in a rental car he had paid for.

Syaoran texted Wei the number of his room before he threw the phone on his bed with a sigh.

Things were so complicated now between them. He could not even pinpoint when they changed between them.

He guessed it was when he started to feel something for her, other than an attraction. But then again, it could have been the moment he realized how much he really needed help.

Nowadays, it seemed like he never had a problem to begin with. His urges were not as frequent as they used to be, and he had not even had a release since the other night with Sakura.

Knowing that she would never be his took away his appetite for everything.

There was just so much going on that he did not even have much time to focus on his own problems.

He could not help but realize what Sakura means now. She had said that they should focus on themselves first and fix themselves.

That thought had angered him, as he took it as her way of telling him that they would never be together, but now that he thought about it...it seemed like he had swept all of his own problems under the rug.

It was almost like Sakura had done for all these years...

A sting of guilt and pain stabbed at his chest.

He had treated her so coldly the other day, feeling like his old self again. Not the one who used sex to get that high, but the one who was abused by his own mother.

He hated that feeling. It was the worst feeling in the world, yet...only people he felt important to him made him feel this way.

Sakura was the most important person in his life, so of course the assumption of her using him would make him feel like the abandoned child.

He was never one to wallow in self-pity, but this time felt different. He wanted to wallow in this pain that only he...had brought upon himself.

Blaming Sakura would get him nowhere. She never told him to be her patient. She never told him to get help. She never told him to want to be with her. And she certainly never told him to love her like this, he realized.

 _Love..._

Though he never experienced the love of a mother; the first time a person experiences love...he sure felt like Sakura had been giving it to him this entire time.

That is why he could not understand why she did not want to be with him. If she showed him that unconditional love that a mother is supposed to show, why could she not just be with him?

 _Because it's just not that easy..._

A light knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts.

For a moment, his heart stopped before he took a deep breath and realized it might not be her. He walked to the door, opening it slowly.

"Master Li," a man said, bowing slightly to acknowledge him.

Syaoran smiled a little, forgetting his own pain, seeing the person at the door. "Come in," he said, stepping to the side for him to walk inside.

It had been so long since he last had a _real_ conversation with the old man.

Wei walked inside with the little wrapped box in his hand. "Where is she?" he asked gently as he sat the box down on the desk.

Syaoran closed the door and sighed. "The room across the hall," he said quietly.

"I see," Wei said, sitting down in the chair carefully. "The walk here was long, so I hope you don't mind me resting a bit."

Syaoran shook his head. "You're fine. I hope I didn't trouble you," he said.

"The only thing troubling me is not knowing how you're holding up," Wei said.

"I..."

"Are you serious about her?"

Syaoran took a deep breath, nodding his head slowly. "I want her... _so_ badly, but it's never going to happen," he said, hearing the tears in his own voice.

He would not do this, though. He would not cry in front of the man.

"Is it your condition she's worried about?"

Syaoran clenched his fist tightly. "No... it's not even just _that_ anymore. It's me and it's...her and her past. It's so...complicated that I don't know what else to do besides be here, in Tokyo," Syaoran explained.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out. You're a smart young man who has his head screwed on right," Wei said encouragingly.

Syaoran smiled gratefully, nodding his head. Even though he had not given Wei all the details of what was going on, Wei seemed to pick up rather fast.

"What's the difference..." He trailed off, not sure if he should ask this question or not. It had been a question that had been bothering him as of late, but he thought it was quite ridiculous to ask.

"Take your time," Wei said quietly.

Syaoran took a deep breath before letting it go. "What's the difference between...a mother's love and... a _woman's_ love? Is one greater than the other or…what is it?" he asked, feeling his cheeks warm at that question.

"Ah..." Wei said quietly, making him nervous.

After not seeing Sakura for those three weeks, it made him realize so much that it hurt every second of his day.

It almost felt like a deep hole had appeared in his heart and it constantly bled. There were so many questions running through his head the entire time. Questions like, what had he done? Had he done something wrong? Was he not capable enough of being loved by someone? And the list went on.

All he did was overthink everything in those weeks.

Even after he tried drowning himself with work, it never worked. Nothing worked, because there was always still that slightest bit of hope that Sakura would come back to him; comfort him and tell him that she did want to be with him.

It all hit him like a shock wave when he finally realized the person who caused him the most pain would not comfort him. It hurt so much because that's what he wanted the most.

So, because she did not comfort him, he put the blame on himself. He had thought, maybe he did deserve all that pain he was in when she left him. He thought that he was not good enough to be with her. He did not deserve to be with the most wonderful woman in the world to him.

All of his insecurities were lying on his shoulder for that entire time period when she was gone.

He could not fathom how or why she had such an effect on him that made him feel like the lowliest scum on earth.

Maybe he was before, but he thought he had changed. He thought he was a better person than he was months ago. Yet, her rejection and absence made him feel like he was not even worthy of her presence.

Even after feeling like that while she was gone, he still wanted to be with her. He still thought that she is the woman meant for him. He was sure that no other woman could make him feel what he feels for Sakura.

That's why when she showed up at the charity banquet, he knew it was destiny telling him that she is meant for him only.

That's why he felt so thrilled and happy that she finally agreed to give them a chance. He could not understand how she could make him the happiest man alive with an answer as simple as yes. And then she comes right back and crush his heart, his dreams; all the hope he had left for living on.

No one had ever played with his emotions like that before.

It still hurt, even thinking about it. Being here with her, in Tokyo, so she could feel better, even hurt. It hurt because he knew that whatever he did or would do to convince her of giving them a chance, she would not do it.

She had proven that enough, so he could see no reason to keep annoying her with his feelings because that is what he felt like he was doing at this point.

Sakura would only give him a chance if she wanted to. Not because he wanted to be with her.

He knew that he was no one in her life to be mad about that, though. He almost admired her for putting herself first in this situation.

If she felt that she would be happier without him, even if it hurt him more than anything in this world, he would have to be happy too. At this point, he just wanted her to be happy.

Nothing mattered anymore about himself besides the way she felt. There was no more convincing in this.

Until Sakura came to a conclusion about what she truly feels for him, he could not do anything besides stand by her side and support her.

"Master Li?" Syaoran heard a voice call.

He looked in the direction of the voice, only to see that it was Wei who had called him.

 _Did I zone out?_

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Syaoran asked.

Wei smiled at him gently. "The love of a mother for her child is primal, like nature in a sense. She created you, you came from her, so it doesn't matter what you do or how you look, she will always love you and see you as...one of the best things that ever happened to her, no matter what because you are a part of her. You're biologically linked to each other, so it's almost instinctual," Wei explained.

"Yeah, right," was what Syaoran wanted to remark at the thought of his own biological mother. He saw it no way possible for Yelan to have felt _that_ about him.

"But, a woman's love is quite different. She's not connected to you in any type of way by nature...yet, a woman will still love you. Not because she _has_ to, like a mother does, but because she _wants_ to love you with everything she has. Do you understand?" he asked.

Syaoran thought about it for a moment before it all made so much more sense than it had before.

He nodded slowly, clasping his hands together in front of him. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her, then, huh?" he asked quietly.

Wei's eyes widened, hearing him speak so boldly about it. "Why do you say that?"

"Because...I don't _have_ to love her like her father has to. I do because I want to. I want to be the only man in her life...I want to be with her. I want to make her happy. I want to keep her safe, even if...I put her in harm's way the other day...but even when I tried to do that, I failed at it and gave in immediately. I want to be there for her...I just want...her. I know it's selfish of me, but I just..." He stopped, not sure what else he could say.

There was too much to say, but he could not see any reason to hurt himself more by saying all of this when she would not let him do any of that for her.

"How did you hurt her?" Wei asked.

Syaoran was quiet for a moment, not sure if it would be quite appropriate to tell him what actually had happened.

"We..." He swallowed. "...got in a very heated discussion. I'll spare you the details and just tell you that I kicked her out in just my T-shirt..."

"In this weather?" Wei asked with a raised brow.

Syaoran dropped his head, feeling so disgusted with himself when Wei asked the question like that. He had been wrong for doing that, but at the time, he thought nothing of the predicament.

He thought he was just giving in to what she had been wanting for so long. He was attempting to let her go like she wanted him to.

He mentally scoffed, realizing he would not have been able to do that, even if he tried.

He had just been angry and beyond hurt, so he was just going to give her what she wanted and try to move on. He knew it was impossible for him to move on at this point in their relationship, though.

"I didn't think about it. I forgot that she didn't drive to my place. I forgot...everything in that moment honestly..." he said, thinking about how he truly felt after she told him they could not be together.

He just wanted to give her what she wanted and get rid of the pain. Clearly, that was one of the worst things he could have ever did.

"Have you apologized?" Wei asked.

Syaoran sighed, shaking his head slowly. "And I feel like an even shittier person because she came back afterwards and told me why we couldn't be together. She told me about...her, and who she is and I... I really am one of the worst people on this Earth," he said sadly.

"You know that, that's not true. You already know what you have to do, so there is no point in wallowing in self-pity. What you did was absolutely wrong...but not unforgivable compared to the past you. You can fix it if you do the right thing," he said.

Syaoran sighed, shaking his head. "It's a lot more complicated than that. I've probably made her feel like the shittiest person alive too—"

A knock on the door interrupted his sentence before he could get it out.

"I should get going," Wei said, standing from the chair in the room.

"You should meet her," Syaoran said, walking towards the door.

He opened it, revealing Sakura stand at the door with her pajamas on. He smiled at her when a blush crept to her cheeks.

She looked behind him, insinuating that someone is behind him.

Syaoran stepped to the side, revealing Wei. "Sakura, this is Wei, my old butler...Wei, this is Sakura," Syaoran introduced them.

"O-oh, it's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you," Sakura said, smiling at him as she held her hand out towards him.

Wei took her hand and shook it gently. "It's nice to meet you as well, Ms. Kinomoto. I've heard nothing but great things about you," he said gently.

Syaoran could see her flush even more at that statement. "Well, I'm glad then."

An awkward silence passed between them before Wei cleared his throat. "Perhaps I should get going and let you two enjoy yourselves," he said.

Syaoran could feel his own cheeks warm at that statement, though he knew Wei meant it as something innocent.

 _Head out of the gutter, Syaoran._

"Thank you again," Syaoran said, smiling at him.

"It was nice meeting you," he said to Sakura.

Sakura smiled at him before she bowed. "Y-you too," she said after stepping to the side for him to walk out.

Wei nodded towards Syaoran before walking out the door.

"You can come in," Syaoran said, stepping to the side for her to walk in.

"I really hope this isn't a problem," she said timidly, walking inside the room.

Syaoran closed the door before turning to her. "I told you it isn't a problem," he said quietly, walking towards her.

She sat on the bed with a sigh. "I'm exhausted."

He sat beside her on the bed, being sure to keep an appropriate space between them. "I know being here is a lot for you. I'm just really glad you decided to come here with me," he said.

Sakura looked at him for a moment. "Why? Why are you doing this?" she asked quietly, her voice wavering a bit.

Syaoran frowned. "I'm sorry, Sakura. I just...want to make it up to you for everything that you've done for me...and everything horrible that I've done to you," he said sadly.

"But, being here?" she asked.

"I know it seems like I'm doing this for...terrible reasons, but I'm really not. This _really_ is just for you. I don't want you to have those horrible memories here anymore...I don't want you to hold on to such...horrible things in your past. I want you to have closure, just like you've been saying that I need closure this entire time. I want you to have exactly what you want me to have, you know? And Tokyo...as much as I hate thinking about you being with someone else here and being close to legally binding yourself to another man...you need this. You need this to be happy. Just...trust me, okay? That would really just..."

"So, we're here to help me get closure?" she asked softly.

"Yes. You said that you didn't know how you would, so I've come up with my own plan to help you get that closure," he said.

She looked at him with amusement in her eyes. "Really?" she asked, sounding interested.

He nodded. "And, I think...it'll really be closure for you. You just have to promise me that you won't be mad or hate me for it," he said, smiling at her.

"That's not even possible..." she trailed off.

A bit of hope rose in his chest at that statement. "Why do you say that?" he asked.

She sighed, shaking her head. "There's no point in telling..." she said.

"No, tell me, please. I'm tired of this miscommunication between us. I'm just assuming things in my head, making myself angry and bitter like last time, so just tell me so we won't have a repeat," he said.

"What...did you assume the other night?" she asked quietly.

"No, we aren't getting into that because I want to know this thing," he said, not wanting to get into it, though he knew they needed to so he could explain himself and profusely apologize.

"I'll tell you why if you tell me what you assumed..." she said.

He was ready to as soon as she said that, even though he was going to tell her anyway. "I... I felt so... _used_. I couldn't really understand what was really holding you back from getting with me. I just thought that you really didn't want to be with me. And after you said we'd be together finally...I was so...happy. Nothing had ever made me happy, even after I passed residency and became an official doctor. You say that, make me happy, then we spend the most wonderful night of my life together. I'm dreaming of you and then the next thing I know, you're telling me that we can't be together even after you said we could. It had hurt so badly and you lying beside me began to make me feel...used just for sex. I know I did that to other women in the past, so I could only blame karma, but...I've never ever had sex with you to use you. I may have tried in the beginning, but we never have. It's always been genuine in our time. I've meant every touch, kiss... _everything_. That's why...it hurt so much, that I just wanted to give you what you wanted," he explained.

"But, I've always wanted to be with you," she blurted, making his heart skip a beat.

"Why couldn't you just tell me all of that before? You know I've always wanted to be with you," he said quietly.

"I didn't know how to...I just...you were a patient, so I couldn't just tell you about my past and abusive ex. That's just not how it works. And I saw how much I hurt you the other night. It hurt me so damn much to know that I hurt the man that I... the man that I want to be with. It hurt so..." She stopped, breath catching in her throat.

Syaoran's eyes softened and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. "You've been through enough...please don't think about anything besides what you need to be focusing on. Forget...me. I'm fine, okay? I don't want you putting your focus or feelings on anything but the goal. And that's your closure," he said, leaning his head back so he could give her a pointed look.

She smiled at him sadly before nodding her head. "Okay."

"No, promise me you'll stop feeling like you're a horrible person for the things you've done. I understand why you did them...I just wish you could've told me ahead of time and I may have reacted differently and that..." He held her tighter. "I'm so sorry for kicking you out like that. You did not deserve that kind of treatment no matter what you do."

"Syaoran—"

"No, Sakura. What I did was heartless and cruel...I got you sick. You could've died if my humanity didn't decide to kick in," he said brokenly.

"But, it did because that's not the type of person you are..." she said softly.

He sighed. "I know...can we just...communicate more now? None of this would've happened if we had communicated everything," he said.

She nodded. "I know. We just..." She groaned, making him chuckle.

"Let's just get these last few days over with and then we can decide what we'll do after that, okay?" he said gently.

She nodded against his arm and sighed. "You're right. I'll stop...I'll try to worry about what I need to worry about right now, even though you haven't told me what you have planned to get me this closure," she said, raising a brow at him.

"You'll see," he said before pushing them back on the bed so they could lay down.

"What are you doing?" she asked, sitting up a little.

"Laying down. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow," he said, already closing his eyes.

He felt her shift beside him. "What do you have planned for tomorrow?"

"I have somewhere to be in the morning, but I should be back by the time you get up," he said, sitting up. "Come on. Let's get under the covers."

She followed him to settle under the covers with him.

He wrapped his arm around her body, pulling her close to him as he rest on his back.

"Could you switch the light off?" she asked quietly.

He reached over and switched the lamp off, the darkness enveloping them in the silent room.

Syaoran closed his eyes, wanting to fall asleep immediately.

He wanted no distractions. Sleeping so close to Sakura with her body pressed against his was already enough to make him want to jump her bones. He promised that they would not do anything until they got their own issues settled first. Plus, he did not want to confuse them any more than they already are. Sex added in their relationship would just further confuse them.

His hands unconsciously rubbed up and down her arm soothingly before he thought of something. "Why did you want to sleep here with me tonight?" he asked.

When her small hand dropped on his chest, he froze, unsure how to keep his body from reacting to her touch.

"I feel safe with you. When we're together...there's not much else I think or feel...so, I don't experience that moment again," she explained.

He smiled, holding her tight. "Sakura," he called.

"Hmm?"

"What's your definition of love?" he asked.

For a moment, she stayed quiet before clearing her throat. "Um...it's..." she trailed off.

She never continued, though.

"What would you do if I told you that I'm in love you?" he asked instead.

She gasped softly, sitting up slightly while leaning her weight on her hand on his chest.

He opened his eyes, meeting her emerald pair in the room.

He felt grateful for the city lights shining in their room. He had forgotten to let the curtains down, but he was glad about it now.

"W-What are you trying to say?" she asked.

"Just a hypothetical question..." he said, caressing her arm. "You can answer that when you're ready too. We should sleep right now."

"I—okay, you're right," she said, laying her head back down on his chest.

"Goodnight, princess," he whispered, kissing her head as he pulled her body closer to his.

"Goodnight, Syaoran," she said.

He stayed awake past 2:37, just to make sure she would not wake up.

* * *

Syaoran kissed her forehead after tucking her back into bed. "I'll be back in a few," he whispered to her sleeping face before caressing her disheveled hair.

He had been awake for the past two hours, rehearsing how the conversation would go between him and the man this morning. He just wanted to get it over with so he could be sure how to plan Sakura and his reuniting.

He had not decided if he would be there with them or let them be alone. In all honesty, if it were up to him, he would definitely not leave them alone. He was too afraid that she might decide to go with him instead. But another side of him trusts her to never do that to him. It was not possible for her to go back to the man who damaged her anyway. She would not even give him a chance, so there was no way she could give the other man a chance...right?

He internally groaned, pulling away from her before he could let his anger take over. He needed to stay calm before he walked into the institution and buried the man alive himself.

Even after playing the blame game, all along, he knew that the fingers should have been pointed to the man at the institution. Not Sakura. Not him, but Eichii.

He shook his head before grabbing his wallet and keys on the desk by the bed. There was absolutely no reason to get himself riled up over the man all over again, lest he was trying increase his chances of being behind bars.

He had to behave for this, or the plan would not work. He was doing this for Sakura. Not himself, because he would have already had the man killed if that were the case.

He left the hotel room, closing the door behind him gently and left the hall. He walked out of the hotel, going straight to his car as he took deep breaths repeatedly.

He continued to do this as he drove to the institution. He was trying to get himself together. And hopefully keep it together. He could **not** snap. No, he would **not** snap.

He parked the car outside of the large institution, just staring at it.

This was definitely for Sakura.

 _All for Sakura._

He would keep it together and behave himself.

When he locked the door and stepped foot outside the doors of his car, he realized his anger had only rose sky high.

 _Fuck._

* * *

 **A/N: Darn it, a day late! I'm still glad I was able to get it done faster than normal, though :).**

 **Thank you all so much for the support! I kind of expected you guys to still be upset with Syaoran, after the prologue, about him realizing what self-love is when he hasn't had it his entire life haha. While it wasn't right for him to kick her out in such a state, I do think it was necessary for him to realize that he should love himself and not just accept anything anyone gives him. We should all have self-love at some point in our lives, but it's really hard to find it when there's so much going on around us that makes us hate ourselves, and/or accept any kind of treatment from people. It's good to realize when you deserve something so much more than what you're getting! Sakura has learned this already, hence her wanting to get out of the situation with Eichii in the past (little teaser: Sakura MAY have wanted Eichii gone...not spilling anymore than that until the time comes :P).**

 **In Sakura's defense, because I love her and will always stand by her side, we can all see why she is the way she is, what triggers her, and her being a victim of abuse, so it's very understandable how or why she would conform to the sin of getting with a patient she slowly falls for. We even see why she "uses" him in a sense to make herself feel better because she has been abused in the past. However, it doesn't make her right for doing everything she's done so far in the story.**

 **Both characters are in the wrong here, but we should be able to see from each person's perspective about the entire situation, which is what I've been aiming to do the entire time.**

 **Also, I don't think either of them are toxic for each other. They just have problems they need to fix about themselves before they can even get together, like we all do. Like, the communication thing needed to be fixed, which Syaoran pointed out in this chapter. There has been horrible miscommunication on both sides here, where they did not tell each other something, which made them come up with assumptions in their heads(hence, Syaoran thinking Sakura doesn't want to be with him and she just wants to use him for sex and vice versa on her side). I don't think there's been any abuse as of late in the story, aside from Eichii's, of course D:. Syaoran's comment about him feeling "free" was just him insinuating he didn't feel like he was in a relationship anymore, like most people feel when they get out of a relationship, because you are kind of tied down to one person unless you're just a cheater lol. When you're with a toxic person and you break it off, you could also feel free too, because you don't feel like that person is controlling you anymore. There's a difference between the two, but I'm not going to go too deep into it to make this author's note any longer than it already is haha.**

 **And, FYI, we're all going to hurt the person we end up with, regardless if we're in love with them or not. It's going to happen because we aren't perfect and it's nearly impossible to do everything right in a relationship, especially with a person you're in love with.**

 **I don't think it's impossible to be friends with someone you've had feelings for in the past, because I have done it before and still do it, but that may just be because I try to have a mature mindset about everything at this point in my life. It's more about just wanting the person you "love" to be happy, honestly lol. It's not hard at all, especially when you've both moved on to better things after realizing the two of you couldn't work out.** **Also, friends don't have to equal talking to that person every single day when you're much older and have lives to live, so I think that's what makes it easier to still consider an "ex" or " ex-lover" to be a friend if the breakup wasn't extremely bad or a betrayal was involved, which some people can still do afterwards :).** **I'm not saying that will be the case here, though, because there's no way I'd write a SxS story and not make them end up together in some way in the end haha. Just giving an insight on a mature mentality on that issue :).**

 **ANYWAY, I just wanted to clear everything up since we are pretty far in the story and getting ready to directly tackle the issues that caused everything else in the story :).**

 **I start classes on next tuesday, so I'm going to try and get another chapter out in a few days after I respond to your reviews xD. I was trying to get this chapter out first lol. I hope everyone who's in school have been having a great semester so far, by the way!(Sorry, I talk way too much, even online!)**

 **Ja ne!**


	35. The Darkness in the Tunnel

**"The Darkness in the Tunnel"**

* * *

Sakura woke to an empty bed, which she expected this time. She had slept wonderfully last night and even had sweet dreams.

She dreamed that she lived in a perfect world; no problems or anything negative.

It was just her and...Syaoran. Everything about that world had been perfect.

She trusted him with all her heart. She had never been so happy a day in her life, even when she first fell in love.

Everything was... _perfect_ , that it made her realize how much she wanted to choose _him_.

She wanted to wake up to him every morning. She wanted to receive that kiss to the forehead before he would head off to work every morning. She wanted the three kids who would jump on their bed at eight on a Saturday morning, who had been in her dream.

There was no more nightmares, no more fear in her heart...everything was... _perfect_. She could not imagine her life **not** being like that after getting a glimpse and feeling of what it would be like.

A loud buzz made her sit up from her bed, seeing her phone light up on the nightstand by the bed.

Immediately, she reached over and grabbed it, swiping it across to answer the person calling.

"A-Aki, you're up awfully early," she said, feeling her heart beat out of her chest.

 _"I always wake up early. I should be saying that to you,"_ he said with a chuckle.

She took a deep breath and then released it. "You would not believe where I am right now..." she said.

 _"Enlighten me,"_ he said with amusement in his tone.

"Tokyo," she said quickly.

He was quiet for a while before he cleared his throat. _"Uhh...why's that?"_ he asked quietly.

"Syaoran..." she said awkwardly.

There was no use in hiding anything from him anymore. Besides, Akinari was probably their only source of working if she truly wanted them to work.

After having that perfect dream, she realized that they could only work if she _made_ them work, along with the help of Akinari. She had to fix this therapist-patient issue first before she could tell Syaoran anything else about her feelings.

Especially after that question he asked her last night.

Her cheeks warmed, just thinking about it.

 _"Oh, gosh, what is the man doing?"_ she heard him say under his breath.

"I don't know...but I'm just going to trust him..." she trailed off.

 _" **Trust** him?"_ Akinari questioned. _"Sakura, you haven't **trusted** a guy since...you do know that, right?"_

She nodded, though he could not see her. "I do know that, but I've been trusting Syaoran for a while now," she said honestly.

Now that she thought of it, she has been trusting him for a while. It had all started after he had told her that he was clean and that they could do it without any protection.

 _"How?"_ Akinari whispered.

She cleared her throat. "I don't know...It just... _happened_ , you know? I know with his history it should almost be impossible, but...that's not who Syaoran is anymore," she said timidly. "Why'd you call?" she asked, hoping the conversation would shift.

 _"No, no, no. I'm interested in this,"_ he said.

"Can we not have a therapy session over the phone?" she asked with a smile on her face.

She almost felt a little excited to tell him what she wanted to do. She knew she would have to break it down to him slowly, though. She could not be too certain that he would support her decision, especially with the way he reacted the first time. But, she knows that Akinari always has her best interest at heart.

 _"When's the next session? I hear more progress after years finally,"_ he said excitedly over the phone.

"When I get back..." she said slowly.

 _"And when's that?"_

"The first or second..." she said.

 _"Hey, how was...the other night? I've been trying to contact you for the last two days and you haven't responded until now,"_ he asked.

She sighed. "It's complicated and a lot has happened within the last few days...but, everything's fine now. Syaoran has something planned that he says will...help me move on from my past, so I'm going to trust him with this. I'll let you know everything after I get back, okay?" she said.

 _"Shit..."_

"What is it?" she asked.

 _"I hope it's not what I'm thinking it is. He should have more sense than that,"_ he said, seeming to be talking to himself.

"What do you mean?" she asked, starting to feel worried about this.

He sighed. _"Sakura, you do know you're one of the strongest women alive right now, okay?"_

"Aki, what are you talking about? You're starting to freak me out, but I'm trying to stay calm," she said calmly.

She heard him sigh. _"I have to get going. If you need anything, please call me,"_ he said.

"O-Okay," she said, sounding more confused as ever after this call.

They bid each other goodbye before ending the call.

Sakura took a deep breath and shifted her body to the side so her legs could hang from the bed. Her entire body froze as a wave of shock glided down it.

 _Tokyo._

 _Tokyo._

The realization suddenly hit her that she is in _Tokyo_ , the one place she swore to never return to and here she is, in one of the nicest hotels. In _Tokyo_.

 _What the hell was I thinking coming here?_

She slid off the bed, landing on her trembling feet. She steadily walked over to the nightstand, grabbing the hotel key card.

She wanted to leave.

She looked around for her phone, needing to call Syaoran. She grabbed it from the bed with trembling hands. She dialed his number immediately, placing the phone against her ear. She bit her nails nervously, listening to the phone ring before he picked up.

 _"Sakura?"_

"Syaoran, where are you?" she asked, hearing the rush in her own tone.

 _Calm down, Sakura!_

" _Sakura, what's wrong? Are you okay?"_ she heard him ask, sounding equally as worried as she about their absence apart.

"I…" She bit her lip, realizing she was only causing him to worry about her. "We're in Tokyo," she settled with, not wanting to send him in a frenzy.

She heard a soft sigh of relief on his end. " _Yes, we are,"_ he said in a shushed tone, making her notice that he had been quietly speaking in the phone this entire time.

"Why are we in Tokyo?" she asked, instead of addressing his quiet tone.

She had agreed that she would try and trust him, so this was just a test to see if she _really_ could.

" _We both have business here,"_ he said shortly.

"What kind of business?" she questioned, not caring if she sounded like a nosy friend prying into his business.

" _We'll talk about it when I get back, okay?"_ he said through the phone. " _I promise."_

"Where are you?" she asked in a timid voice, knowing she failed her own made-up test.

" _Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa Hospital,"_ he answered into the phone without any hesitations, relieving her aching heart a bit.

"Oh…" Her face scrunched up a bit, wondering why he would be there. "Is there a reason you…"

" _We'll talk about it when I get back, okay?"_ he said.

She bit her lip lightly, nodding her head, though he could not see. "Please hurry back. I hate being here alone…" she said quietly.

" _I promise I won't be long. Just sit tight."_

They bid each other goodbye before ending the call.

"Sit tight…" she said under her breath to herself as she walked back over to his bed.

How was she supposed to sit tight in a city where she nearly died, though?

* * *

Syaoran scrutinized his reflection on the black screen of his phone, clutching it tightly in his hand.

He had not expected Sakura to be awake so early. Or, at least he prayed that she would be sleeping until he arrived back to the hotel so he would avoid the explaining. Either way, he had to find a way to bring up them meeting Eichii today regardless.

And he guessed that would be the way.

"Dr. Li, are you ready?" a feminine voice registered in his ears.

Without moving his head, his eyes shifted to the nurse standing in front of him with a clipboard in her hand.

His eyes quickly drifted up her body until they landed on her blushing face.

A brow quirked on his face before he stood up, realizing he had no reaction to the attractive woman in front of him.

While she had on the tradition uniform, he could still see that she had a decent body.

It was not that he is _truly_ checking the woman out or even thinking of her in any provocative way. However, he is still a man.

An attractive woman is an attractive woman and a human with decent eyesight can tell when there is an attractive person.

There was no denying that the woman is attractive, but he did not feel attracted _to_ her.

He never thought he could think others were attractive without feeling attracted _to_ them. He could not feel or think of any other woman in that way aside from Sakura, as odd as it sounded.

 _Guess that's what comes to being in love with a woman._

Syaoran stood from the chair, nodding at the woman. "Yes ma'am. How long did you say visiting hours are?"

"Well, visiting hours technically don't start until later this afternoon, but after I heard of your relations to him, I had to do a bit of convincing to my boss about what you had to do," she said.

He offered her a kind, small smile before nodding.

She cleared her throat when he did not say anything to clear the awkward air. He was not sure what she expected him to say or do with that information, so he found it best not to address her kindness.

"W-well, right this way," she said, nodding towards the door.

Syaoran followed behind her quietly, thinking about the woman back at the hotel waiting for him to get back. His heart felt heavy, yet anxious to get this part of their relationship over with.

He could not be too sure if this would change anything in their relationship, but he just knew that his heart told him to do this for her.

A lot of people may have told him that this was none of his business, but who else would do it if he did not choose to, is what he thought. Knowing that no one had not told her anything about her ex-lover being alive made him realize he had to be her savior.

 _She has a right to know._

"Dr. Li?" a voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

He looked up at the woman who is staring at him skeptically. "Hm?" he grunted.

"You have to be checked," she said, motioning to the security guard standing in front of them.

He held his arms out, letting the man run the scanner down his body.

He mentally huffed, glad he decided not to bring a weapon to skin the man alive.

"He's good," the guard said, opening the door.

The nurse led him inside the room.

His eyes scanned the room, seeing several patients sitting down, watching tv, and some even having conversations with each other or themselves.

He felt a little odd being around so many people who were...mentally unstable to live on their own; being a harm to others or themselves.

"Come on, Kobayashi-kun is over there," the nurse said.

Syaoran followed her over to said-man, wondering how he should act— _think_ , in the presence of a man who hurt the woman he loves.

 _Cam down, Syaoran._

 _Stay calm._

 _We're here for Sakura..._

"Mr. Kobayashi, you have a visitor," the nurse said, snapping Syaoran out of his thoughts.

Syaoran looked in the direction of the sandy brown haired man, realizing he looked the exact same from the photo in Sakura's apartment.

He had not even aged one bit, it seemed.

As soon as the man caught his eye, Syaoran froze, feeling the heat rise in his chest.

He knew it was the past, but he was staring into the eyes of the man who damaged his angel, destroyed her innocence, and even laid a finger on her before. He was starting to regret coming here now.

"Dr. Li?" Syaoran faintly heard the nurse call his name.

When Syaoran saw the figure stand from the chair, he could hear the sound that no person ever wanted to hear in a hospital; the sound of a straight line crossing the machine, signifying cardiac arrest of a patient.

For once in his life, he wished that he had not saved a life.

"This is the man who saved your life years ago, Mr. Kobayashi, aren't you going to greet him instead of staring?" the nurse asked.

Syaoran caught the man eye, seeing that he is just staring at him with a dull expression in his eyes.

"Dr. Li, right?" Eichii spoke after a few seconds of silent awkwardness.

Syaoran continued to stare in his eyes, searching for something— _anything_ that the man could give him reason to smash his head into a wall without getting himself into trouble.

"Yup," he said shortly.

"Uh...well, I'll leave you two to it. I'll be back to check in on you in an hour before your next dosage," the nurse said.

Eichii nodded before the nurse left the two.

"Do you want to go out back?" Eichii asked conversationally.

Syaoran's brows scrunched together, wondering if the man was trying to bury his own grave.

Not wanting to miss the opportunity, he nodded. "Is that alright?" he asked, not wanting to get the man in actual trouble for doing something he is not supposed to be doing.

"Yeah. We're trapped in here, but not to the point of suffocation, you know. There's a balcony that we can sit out on in the back," he said, pointing to the direction.

Syaoran nodded before Eichii led him to where the balcony is.

"A lot of people have their assumptions about these type of places," Eichii said, still facing forward.

Syaoran stared at the back of his head, almost still seeing the bullet that had been resting in his brain before he got rid of it. "Like what?" he asked after a moment of silence.

Eichii shrugged. "That we're treated like animals...trapped in white rooms 24/7...used as test subjects. You know...everything these people don't treat us like here."

Eichii opened the door quietly, not seeming to want anyone to know they were going out back.

"I thought this was fine," Syaoran said, raising a brow.

Eichii abruptly turned to him, making him jump in defense.

"I'm assuming you're here to talk about Sakura," he said quietly. "This is fine, but essentially, I'd like more privacy right now."

He motioned for Syaoran to walk out first, but Syaoran suddenly felt skeptical about the man and being alone with him.

He had no doubts he would beat the man to death, but something seemed off about them going out here now.

"We have tv's here and the channels stay on the news. I can put two and two together, _Dr._ _Satyromaniac_ ," he said with a hint of humor in his tone.

Syaoran thought it not to be funny, but he went out first anyway, deciding to ignore the smart witty comment at the end.

Once he heard the door close, he turned towards Eichii, feeling even more alarmed now.

"Take a seat," Eichii said, motioning to the chair.

Syaoran clenched his jaw, holding himself back from snapping at the man any second now.

"So, why pay a visit to the man who fucked over one of the kindest women alive?" Eichii asked.

"You're supposed to be dead," Syaoran said, getting straight to the point.

He saw no point in beating around the bush about what he wanted to talk about. This was solely business; no personal feelings involved.

"Ah," Eichii emitted, walking towards the railing of the balcony. "Thanks to you, I'm alive."

There was no sarcasm or humor in his tone. He even sounded genuine about that.

"Why?"

Eichii sighed. "Maybe because some higher being out there just doesn't want me gone yet."

"Right," Syaoran scoffed sarcastically.

There was no way in heaven or hell would he believe that, considering how much the man had put _his_ Sakura through.

"Why are you here? To do what you should've let happen years ago on that table?" he asked quietly.

"Sakura's..." Syaoran stopped, suddenly not sure why he is here.

One side of him told him that it was because he wanted to see the man who Sakura had fell for, while another side told him it was because he wanted to kill the man for putting her through so much pain. But then, the logical side told him that it was because he wanted to know how he could help Sakura.

"You love her," Eichii stated boldly.

"What?"

"I'm no fool, just because I'm here. I'm here by choice," he said. "And I know what love looks like...how it sounds. The way you just said her name..."

Syaoran swallowed, feeling awkward at that declaration. "You know why I'm here then."

"I can't just disappear off the face of earth," Eichii said comically.

A slight smirk played at Syaoran's lip. "That would be nice," he said.

"Sakura doesn't know I'm alive, because if she did, I wouldn't be here right now. We would still be together; miserably married with kids who sees what love _isn't_ ," Eichii said, answering Syaoran's unasked question.

Syaoran had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold himself back from barking at the man about the mention of Sakura being married with kids with someone other than himself.

That thought scared him more than anything ever had before.

"Sakura's still miserable and she isn't even with you, though," Syaoran said lowly, clenching his fist as the anger began to boil in his blood.

He wanted to make the man feel the lowest he had ever felt in his entire life. He wanted him to know that he had been the worst man alive. Syaoran wanted him to feel how he had always felt before he met Sakura. But something made him stop.

Something told him that...blaming the man and making him feel like the lowest human alive would fix nothing.

It would just create more problems that could be avoided if he stayed mature in this situation. It would show that he is still the same person before he met Sakura. But he was not.

"I know, but...I thought it would be best for me to be out of her life to get her out of harm's way," Eichii said quietly.

Syaoran looked at him, seeing a dark gloomy look in his hazel eyes. "Why are you here?" he asked in a demanding tone, not wanting to show any sympathetic emotions toward the man.

"Why every mentally ill person is here," he said. "We're either a danger to ourselves or...a danger to society...other people. I knew this would be the only way to protect Sakura and...myself," he said quietly.

"Hiding here has done nothing for Sakura," Syaoran said, looking out at the view before them.

It was snowing, but the view of the buildings in Tokyo still looked nice.

"How is she? She is doing alright now, right?" he asked. "I know I don't have a right to ask, but...I think about her every single da—"

Within a blink of an eye, Syaoran was at his side, gripping his throat tightly with one hand. "You're right, you don't have a single damn right to ask about what or who you fucking damaged, but I sure as hell don't want to hear about a man who fucked over the woman I love, still _thinking_ about her," Syaoran said tightly, gripping his neck tighter.

Hearing Eichii say that almost sounded like he was saying that he still loves her; want her. He sure did not want to hear the man saying that about the woman he loves.

Eichii barely gasped, grabbing Syaoran's wrist tightly. "D-Dr. L-Li," he choked out, though he did not use all his strength to stop him. "S-sec-urity wi-ll show!"

Syaoran squeezed a little tighter to suffice his own pleasure before he released his neck, pushing him back a little to not _really_ end his life.

He was a doctor after all. He knew the limits a human could take before snapping a cord. He just needed a reason right now to hurt the man, which was easily given.

Eichii coughed, trying to gasp for air as he grabbed his own throat to sooth himself, it seemed.

"She's suffering. She dreams about _that_ night. She dreams about the abuse—about every single fucked up thing you did to her. So no, she isn't doing alright," Syaoran said, moving away from him before he did something else to hurt the man.

Eichii took one last deep breath before turning to Syaoran. "I never meant to hurt her," he said, sounding a little hoarse, like Syaoran expected him to. "I didn't want to hurt Sakura, just like you don't want to—"

"Don't you dare compare me to you, asshole," he said tightly, almost making a move to finish what he started earlier.

"You won't understand. You won't ever understand because you're just like every other fucked up individual in this world who automatically associates mentally ill people as the worst humans alive," Eichii said, glaring at Syaoran now, to his surprise.

"What is there to understand about you fucking over one of the best people alive? How could I ever see reason for what you did to her?" Syaoran asked, encouraging the glaring battle between them.

"That I didn't _want_ to hurt her; that I don't _want_ to hurt myself or anyone, but it just happens because it's out of my control. It's not easy living with myself; knowing how much I've hurt so many people in my life. It's not..." Eichii stopped, closing his eyes tightly as his body began to tremble. "Why did you come here?"

When Syaoran heard the tremble in his voice as well, he knew Eichii was having a hard time.

"Sakura needs to see you again. She needs closure..." he said quietly.

"No," Eichii said immediately, surprising Syaoran.

"No?"

"She doesn't know I'm alive for a reason. I want to keep it that way," he said. "She hasn't been back to Tokyo since she left that hospital. I don't want to cause her anymore pain than I already have," he said the last part sadly. "I've kept everyone silent about it for this long, so I want to leave it be."

"And that's the thing. Not knowing you're alive is causing her to have this unbearable pain she's had to live with. She still blames herself for your death. She still thinks she could have done more to help you if she had just tried hard enough. She..." Syaoran closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to admit this out loud, but knew he had to even if it hurt him. "She still loves you."

Eichii looked at him; his eyes wide before he shook his head slowly. "Don't be naive, doctor. Any man who has the balls to face a mentally ill man who hurt the woman they love would see that...you're the man she loves because there's a reason you love her so much. She feels something to make you realize that she's the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's how Sakura is."

Syaoran looked at him, feeling skeptical about his declaration. "She needs to see you to talk to you."

Eichii huffed, turning away from Syaoran stubbornly. "I can't see her. I'll just hurt her again," he said in a finalizing tone.

"Why? What has she ever done to you? I know she's been nothing but kind to you, so why would you ever want to hurt her?" Syaoran asked, glaring at the side of his head.

"I don't _want_ to. She's just a trigger for me. Seeing her reminds me of _that_ and _them_. I've been doing so much better since she's been gone and I'm not happy about that, but it is better for my own mental health. I can't..." He shook his head. "No, I won't see her. There's nothing you can do to convince me to see her again."

"What does she remind you of? The people? The place? What was it?" Syaoran asked, realizing he would not be able to get to the man through talking.

"Leave. I'm done with this conversation. I'm done with the nonsense about Sakura or me seeing each other again. It's just not going to happen!" Eichii exclaimed, holding his head now as if his head were hurting.

Syaoran kept quiet, not wanting to make matters worse for him. He had to take this slow and be understanding of him. He had to do something that would make the man see that he really needed to see Sakura.

He turned to Eichii with a hard look in his eyes. He could not think of anything else he could do aside from this—even if it meant throwing all his pride away.

"Kobayashi-kun," Syaoran called sternly, making Eichii turn to him with furrowed brows.

Syaoran did the unthinkable; he dropped down on his knees, kneeling before the man. He dropped his head a little, closing his eyes tightly so he does not have to see the ground. "Please... _please_ , just...let her _look_ at you. Let her see you're alive and well. Just so she knows that...everything she did was not in vain," he whispered the last part.

"D-Dr. Li," Eichii stuttered, sounding more surprised than Syaoran himself about his actions.

He did not even want to look up and see the look on the man's face. He could barely believe he is kneeling before the man who nearly killed the woman he loves.

Just a few minutes ago he was trying to kill the man and now, he was on his knees and begging him for something.

 _How contradicting._

"Okay," Eichii said once he realized Syaoran would not give up.

Syaoran released the breath he had been holding, looking up at him. "Yes?" he asked.

"If you truly believe this will help Sakura...I'll see her," he said slowly.

"Answer her questions too..." Syaoran said gently.

Eichii was quiet for a moment, making Syaoran believe he might not answer that.

Before either of them spoke another word, the door opened, ending the conversation between them.

"What are you all doing out here, Mr. Kobayashi? I wasn't even aware you were out here," a voice said from the door.

The two looked in the direction, seeing an unfamiliar man with a white lab coat on.

"I wanted some fresh air, is all," Eichii said casually.

Syaoran looked at Eichii, seeing a neutral look on his face as if they had not just had a difficult discussion.

"Why don't you two come in to have authorized supervision—what happened to your neck?" the doctor asked, sounding alarmed as his eyes landed on Eichii's neck.

Syaoran looked in the direction too, seeing a light red line on his neck.

"I had one of my episodes this morning," Eichii said before Syaoran could speak up about it.

Syaoran looked at him, surprised by the lie.

"I didn't hear of this. You two surely don't need to be out here. Come inside," the doctor said, opening the door for them to walk through.

"None of the nurses know of this," Eichii said, passing the doctor. "I just...moment of weakness, but I'm fine now. I was just getting ready to see Dr. Li out. He says he'll be back later with another visitor. I will have more visiting hours later on today, right? I didn't know I was so popular."

Syaoran just stared at Eichii, not believing the man is cooperating so easily after throwing a fit a few moments ago. He was even joking around and acting as if none of that had occurred between them.

"I don't know yet. We have a session in a few and I'll let you know from there," the doctor said.

"Come by later, Dr. Li. Thank you for visiting," Eichii said, nodding at Syaoran to reassure him that it would be fine.

"Uh...okay," Syaoran said, almost sounding a little unsure.

"It's good to see you again, Dr. Li," the doctor said, nodding at Syaoran before him and Eichii left him alone.

When the two disappeared from his sight, Syaoran released a breath he did not even know he was holding.

That had went way different than he even thought it could go. He had not expected Eichii to cooperate so easily and give in to the idea of meeting Sakura.

 _How am I going to bring it up to Sakura now?_

* * *

Sakura stared at her image in the mirror, feeling her heart drum against her chest hard as she attempted to fluff up her curled hair.

It was official. She would give Syaoran a chance.

After coming to the solution that it _is_ time to move on, she felt like Syaoran would be the man she wanted to move on with.

She would talk to Akinari when they got back to Tomoeda. She would ask him if he could be Syaoran's therapist, so she would not lose her license or get into any trouble.

She may not have felt like she could _fully_ trust Syaoran, but that was only because she had not been allowing herself to. With time and dating, she knew she could trust Syaoran.

He had her best interest at heart; she could tell.

She was not sure what Syaoran was telling her last night, but she does feel sure that he was telling her that he wanted to be with her.

One part of her told her that he was trying to tell her that he is in love with her, but the other part had been telling her not to jump that far ahead of herself.

Syaoran wanted her. And she wanted Syaoran, so nothing else should matter after that if they would make each other happy.

She rubbed her glossed lips together before a small smile appeared on her lips, seeing how attractive she looks right now.

She had threw on a simple, burgundy sweater dress that reached a few inches above her knees with grey leggings to keep her warm for the weather. She applied the very minimum makeup to her face, wanting to look appropriate enough for Syaoran when he would get back.

She wondered what he had planned for them today.

"Sakura, it's me coming in," she heard his voice from a distant.

She could have sworn her heart almost dropped to the bottom of her stomach in excitement to tell him the news.

She did not even know if he would accept her back with opened-arms, but a huge part of her told him that he would.

She took a deep breath, examined herself one last time in the mirror, and then walked out of the bathroom to greet him.

As soon as the door opened, her eyes lit up, seeing him stand at the door in all of his sexiness. She rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around his body tightly before he could even walk in the door fully.

She buried her face in his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent that almost made her melt into a puddle of mush. "I missed you," she said into his shirt.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and rest the other in the back of her hair gently. "I-I missed you too," he stuttered, sounding like he was caught off guard from her sudden change of behavior.

 _Of course he is, silly!_

"Where did you go?" she asked, pulling her head back from his chest to look up at him worriedly.

"I—"

"It doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're back," she said, moving her hands up to his neck, pulling him down so she could close the gap between their lips.

When his lips automatically responded to hers, she smiled against his lips and deepened the kiss immediately.

She moaned, pulling him in the hotel room as her tongue slid between his lips, exploring his mouth. The moment she heard the door close behind him, he had her pinned against the wall beside the door within a blink of an eye.

His teeth grazed against her lip gently before he tugged at her lower lip. When his hands slid up her body, she moved one of her legs up his side, making her dress rise.

To her surprise, Syaoran pulled back from her lips, staring in her eyes with a dark look in his eyes. "What are you doing?" he whispered against her lips.

"Let's do this— _try_ us. I want to be with you," she said, caressing his face.

"What?" he said, moving back from her body a little.

"We can both work through our problems, but, you can have a different therapist. I'll sit in on the sessions with you, so you could feel more comfortable. That way, two birds are killed with one stone. I'll deal with my own issues and continue to see Aki and you—"

"No, I don't want any other therapist than you," he said, frowning at her now.

"Syaoran, I can't be your therapist _and_ girlfriend. Since Aki knows about us and you being my patient, I could always just hand over all of your charts to him, and that way, it'll just seem like he's been your therapist this entire time and you can do therapy with him. He works at your hospital, so it'll also be easier for you to have access to a therapist when—"

He shook his head slowly, looking lost about everything being said. "Sakura, no, I can't talk with anyone besides you about my issues," Syaoran said, sounding offended that she had even suggested that.

"I won't be able to feel morally right being with you then if you're still my patient. I'll be there with you during every session, if you want. We can't work if I'm your therapist, or it'll just be a repeat of my past and I…" She stopped, not wanting to talk about that right now.

She just wanted Syaoran to understand her and agree with her so they could finally be together the right way. She would have to face the consequences of being with a man with his history in Tomoeda, but she would be willing to do that, as long as he would agree to this.

"Sakura, I…"

"Syaoran, it's that or nothing. I…"

"I can't talk about my sex life with a man who's friends with the woman I want to be. Quite frankly, I don't even want him being your friend, but I'll have to accept that if I want to be with you, which I **do**. I can't let him be the therapist too. I don't want him involved in our relationship. I just want this to be us and no one else," he said the last part sadly.

"Finding another therapist will just cause higher risks for my career if I have to give your charts to another therapist and then that therapist sees us together in the media. Syaoran, we have to do this with Aki. He's the only other psychologist I trust with your problems. Just, please trust me," she whispered the last part, cradling his face now as she stared in his eyes longingly.

She wanted him to trust her with this. They would only work if they did this her way.

"Sakura, I…"

"Just trust me. Have I ever failed you before?" she asked, pulling him down to kiss her lips again before he could even answer the question.

Syaoran closed his eyes tightly, responding back to her lips fervently as he grabbed her legs, hitching her up.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, while he walked them over to the hotel bed, being sure to keep their lips locked with each other's.

He placed her on the bed gently, crawling on top of her to straddle her body. Once his lips left hers, he began to kiss down her face slowly until he reached her neck.

She closed her eyes, feeling her skin break out in goosebumps as he placed featherlike kisses all over her neck.

"Syaoran," she called softly, moving her hands up to his messy mane, grabbing it gently. "I've never felt this way about anyone before," she added without thinking.

When those words left her mouth, Syaoran's lips stopped caressing her skin, to her surprise. He pulled back from her face, staring down at her with both hands resting beside her head. "Sakura."

"What's wrong?" she asked, rubbing his arm.

She could sense something was off about him, because he never hesitated to make love to her. He was always ready.

Her eyes fell down to his pants, seeing that he is, in fact, aroused right now.

"Today, I…" He blurted but stopped suddenly.

Her heart tightened in her chest in anticipation, hoping that he would not tell her what she is thinking he would.

"No, it's nothing like that, baby," he said as if he could read her mind.

"What is it then?" she asked, starting to sit up a little to make him move.

He moved from on top of her body. "Today, I went to a mental institution," he said.

Her brows scrunched together, moving away from him a little. "What's going on, Syaoran?" she asked.

"You just told me to trust you, Sakura—"

"Which you never said you do," she said defensively now.

"I do, Sakura. I do trust you, which is why I'm expecting the same from you right now about this," Syaoran said, grabbing her wrist gently.

"What's at the institution here, Syaoran? Who is?" she asked, closing her eyes tightly.

She could not help but feel like this piece of information would change everything. She does not know what, but it would change everything.

"Sakura, I…"

"Who **_is_** it, Syaoran!?" she asked loudly, annoyed that he would not just say it.

"Eichii," he blurted.

She froze, sitting quiet for a while as she tried to process what he had just spit out, out of the blue.

 _That is not even possible._

"Eichii's…gone, Syaoran. Have you…gone mad?" she asked slowly, turning to look at him now. "I've told you this before already."

"No, Sakura. It was a lie. He's been alive and well for all of these years," Syaoran said.

She let out a humorless laugh, yanking her wrist back from him. "Don't kid around with things like this, because it's not funny, Syaoran," she said, sliding off the bed to get some space.

She suddenly felt hot and smothered being in this room with him.

Syaoran stood up with her, moving over to her. "It's not a joke," he said cautiously.

She held her hand up defensively when she saw him come a little too close. "No, Syaoran! Don't come any closer!" she said, backing away from him like a child from a stranger.

He stopped approaching her, dropping his hands down. "It's not a joke, Sakura," he repeated, making her release a noise of frustration at the lies.

None of this was making sense to her right now.

"No, no, no. This is all wrong," she said, shaking her head slowly. "This isn't funny—no! Where is he? Where is he, Syaoran? I have to see him for myself. I have to _feel_ him alive, because it's not possible. I saw him kill himself. He shot himself, Syaoran, so it's not possible he's alive. I can't, I can't, I can't—Syaoran!"

She knew she sounded like a mad woman, but nothing made sense to her anymore. None of this was possible when she saw with her own eyes. She does not even know what she is saying or feeling about all of this.

 _It's just not possible!_

She felt strong arms wrap around her trembling form. "Sakura," he called gently.

She squirmed in his arms, trying to escape, but he would not release her. "Syaoran, I can't—"

"We can go see him—just so you know and see for yourself," he said immediately.

She pushed back from his chest tightly, looking up at him, feeling the most vulnerable than she had ever felt in her life. "W-we can? Where is he?" she asked anxiously, staring in his eyes pleadingly.

He had already said where he had been all morning like three times, but she wanted more reassurance. She wanted confirmation that he _is_ still alive.

She needed to see this for herself.

A dark gloomy look clouded his eyes briefly before a loving expression appeared. "Tokyo Metropolitan institution," he said. "That's where I've been all morning."

She took a deep breath before releasing it as she tried to get her raging heart under control. "Let's go."

* * *

 **A/N: Yes, I'm still alive and have not abandoned this story. I'm so sorry, guys! I've just had a hell of a lot going on with university, personal life, getting ready for graduation, and blah, blah, blah, the list goes on, so it's not that I've forgotten about you guys!**

 **I've had an idea about how this chapter would go for the last two months since the last update, but I have been having such a hard time putting it all into a chapter, which really sucked, if I'm honestly speaking. I feel completely off about this chapter and the flow of the story, as far as their conversations went here. Soooo, if you guys see some minor changes later on in a few hours, it's because my head is screwed on correctly to better the chapter lol.**

 **It was hard writing Syaoran and Eichii's scene, considering I didn't want too much to be revealed about Eichii to Syaoran before Sakura gets the scoop. Ahhh, I feel like I need to rewrite that entire scene and this chapter, but for your sake's and my own insanity, I'll leave it be lol.**

 **Anyway, Sakura's finally realized that she wants to try with Syaoran after the dream. She seems certain, but...does the ending make you guys wonder if she will change her mind if she sees Eichii and talk with him? Will she _really_ see Eichii after all these years? Will old feelings be rekindled? Will Sakura attempt to strangle him like our Syaoran did? Or...will Sakura get her closure and decide to still try with Syaoran as she's realized he's the one she wants to be with now? **

**So many possibilities and routes I could take, but I'm not even quite sure which one I will be taking for sure :P. I'm super excited to write the scene between Sakura and Eichii, so I will stop this A/N's so I could start on it.**

 **My spring break just started today, so you guys will get more updates this week!**

 **Ja ne!**


	36. A Figment of the Imagination

**"A Figment of the Imagination"**

* * *

Syaoran could see Sakura fiddling with her hands nervously from the corner of his eyes as he tried to keep his attention on the road.

He reached over with the hand nearest to hers and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. "Everything's going to be alright," he said, remembering her use that quote in the past.

It always served to make him feel fine in situations that were overwhelming, so he hoped it worked the same for her too.

She turned her hand over, grabbing his tightly. "I..."

He could hear the nervousness in her tone, so he decided not to pressure her into speaking on how she is feeling right now. One side of himself told him that she felt petrified, while the ugly green-eyed monster told him that she felt excited and anxious to see her ex-lover.

 _Stop it!_

No matter how much he tried to convince himself that she had been over the man, he still felt that fear and jealousy in his heart.

Seeing how anxious she was at the hotel washed all his security and happiness away.

He had been surprised by her sudden attack when he came back from seeing Eichii. She had been going on about some nonsense about Akinari being his therapist and them being together finally. The moment she said she wanted to be with him, the thought of her seeing Eichii again vanished.

She had _finally_ admitted that she wants to be with him. Nothing had ever sounded so right before that.

It was only when she said that, that also made him realize they could not just be together until she settled her issues with the man at the institution. And that was why he stopped them from making love again.

He felt that he would have betrayed her if he slept with her and then told her that Eichii is alive.

They needed to settle this, even if he did not feel the least bit happy about her seeing the man again. There was no way they could _just_ get together, considering how Sakura had been so indecisive these days. She may be saying they could be together right now, but in a few hours, she could be breaking his heart again by telling him they could not be together.

Sakura needed to get her own problems under control before he could come into the picture. It may have taken him a while to learn this, but he knew better than to go right along with Sakura and her spontaneous decisions these days.

"You'll be fine. Trust me," he said again, squeezing her hand one last time.

The rest of the ride to the hospital was quiet with them holding the others hand in a comforting manner.

Every time she squeezed his hand, it felt like she was trying to tell him not to worry; but then again, assumptions would have him hurt in the end again.

He would just have to trust her with this one thing. If she was over him, like she said, he had nothing to worry about.

 _Nothing to worry about…_

The moment he pulled up to the institution, he put the car in park and turned to her with a pleading look in his eyes. He realized he did have something to worry about. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, wanting to make sure she feels alright with this.

Another side of him wanted her to say no so he would not have to fear her falling for Eichii all over again with just the sight of him.

Sakura stared in his eyes with a determined look in her eyes. "Of course I'm sure about this..." She stopped before her eyes squinted at him. "You're worried that...?"

When she did not finish, Syaoran knew exactly what she is asking him. "I..."

A sad smile formed on her lips as her eyes watered a bit. "You don't have anything to worry about."

Hearing the sincerity in her tone relieved the jealousy in his heart. A little. "Sakura..." he called.

She stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I..." He took a deep breath and released it. "I just want you to know that I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what you go through or choose to do..."

She smiled at him gratefully and leaned over towards him, kissing his lips gently. She pulled back before he could even respond. "I know what I want, Syaoran. I promise this won't change a thing about my decision," she promised.

For some reason, he felt that he could not truly believe that. But because she said it, he would try to.

He nodded, caressing her face gently. "We should go in, then," he said.

She forced a smile on her face, making him realize how she was trying her best to act normal and keep it together for the first time.

He just hoped she could when she finally sees him, because he had a hard time doing so earlier.

* * *

Gloomy skies with the fog hiding the sun from his eyes is the only thing Eichii could concentrate on.

His chest felt beyond heavy, knowing that _she_ would be coming here any minute now. If the doctors allowed her in, of course.

He stared out the window for a few more moments before he moved away from the window. He looked around the room, seeing all the other patients he had grown quite familiar with over the years.

This was his family now.

"Are you good, man?" he heard a familiar voice ask beside him.

He turned to the direction of the voice and smiled. "Who let the tiger out of the cage?" he asked.

The boy in front of him shrugged with a grin on his face. "I'm not plotting anything. I just wanted to come and see you. My stalkers are right there," the boy nodded behind him.

Eichii looked behind him, seeing a nurse and a few others standing close by to watch him.

"You don't really care about how I'm doing. Why are you _really_ here? I know the doctors didn't believe you when you said you wanted to socialize and check in on me, Koizuru," Eichii said.

The boy in front of him had been an acquaintance over the years. They had met after a group session one day six years ago.

Apparently, Koizuru had been struggling with depression just as much as he had at the time. The only difference between them is that Koizuru was known as a psychopath around here. He had attempted to kill his parents in the past, so he had been admitted.

Eichii never wanted to know the details of his past, so he just stuck to the basics.

Over the years, they had grown quite comfortable with each other from the few times they had seen each other because he knew how devious the boy could be.

"I heard the she-devil was visiting today," Koizuru said, making Eichii chuckle.

"She is anything but the devil. How did you hear about it?"

Koizuru shrugged nonchalantly. "Another patient overheard your conversation with that doctor who was here earlier. I just heard the name Sakura and you having a visitor coming, so I'm only putting two and two together," he said. "Am I right?"

"What are you trying to get at?" Eichii asked, lowering his voice when he noticed the gleam in his eyes.

"She could be our way out of this hell hole," Eichii whispered very lowly.

Eichii chuckled, shaking his head.

Koizuru had been trying to get out of there since he got in and often talked about it with him.

"How are you purposing she could help us out?" Eichii asked, just to enlighten the man. He would never even dream of helping Koizuru escape. He _really_ needed to be here.

"She's a psychologist, right?"

Eichii clenched his jaw, instantly being reminded of all the times she tried to help him in the past. It was just something about the word "psychologist" that always sets him off, knowing that they are the ones who are supposed to be compassionate.

At the time, she was not even a psychologist; just studying to be one. Yet, she had been trying to help him like one.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he asked.

Koizuru smirked at him.

Instead of responding, Eichii just rolled his eyes and shook his head. He knew exactly what the boy's trying to tell him to do. There was no way he would manipulate and drag Sakura into this mess.

"Alright, Koizuru," He heard one of the nurse say behind them.

Koizuru sighed in annoyance. " I'll see you next year, I guess," Koizuru said sarcastically, making Eichii chuckle.

They did not really see each other much, but only because the boy really is a lunatic.

Once they left him alone, Eichii sighed, feeling the dark fog of clouds creep back over his existence.

Sakura would be here any minute, reminding him of his horrible past.

At that thought, he had the sudden urge to bang his head against a wall.

He hated blaming her for everything because, really, it was never truly her fault for anything that had happened to him. He had come to terms over the years that it had never been her fault.

He felt awful about himself for blaming her and the actions he had committed up to that point of almost killing himself. Blaming an innocent person for all the things wrong with him had been his biggest mistake.

He knew Sakura never deserved that kind of treatment from anyone. Sakura never should have had to live with the demons Syaoran claimed she has had over the years because of his 'death'. She deserved none of what he had given to her over all those years, even up until now.

There was nothing in this world that he could do to make it up to her. So, he made the decision about what the least thing he could do for her.

Because Sakura had been nothing but good to him in the past, he thought that she at least deserves some form of closure. So, that is why he agreed to let her know he had been alive for all these years. He wanted her to see that he is not the man she believe he is. He wanted her to see that everything she did in the past paid off.

He took a deep breath, feeling his heart clench in his chest at the memories of their past swimming in his head.

 _I can do this._

"Mr. Koishiyo?" he heard a familiar nurse aid call behind him. "Are you up to par for visitors? I believe the young gentleman who was here earlier is back with another young woman. Is that alright with you?"

He closed his eyes before taking a deep breath to steady his racing heart. "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

"Sakura, you have to calm down," Syaoran said quietly, squeezing her hand tightly.

Sakura took a deep breath and then released it. She had not been able to stop fidgeting and being jumpy since they walked in the hospital. She looked like an addict going through withdrawals. "You're right. I know," she said, feeling the palms of her hand form sweat.

She released Syaoran's hand, needing to have some space to herself. When she caught his eye, she could see a cloud of sadness flash through them before he released her hand.

She could tell that he took it personally, but there was nothing she could tell him to comfort him right now.

She was not sure what he had going on in his head about all of this. She had already told him that he had nothing to worry about, but Syaoran seemed to have this habit of thinking that she would leave him to be with another man.

She may have given him reason to think that she might leave him, but for another person? She never did anything to make him think that she might be with another person. She never even thought of talking to another man before she met him.

She could not help but feel like there was an underlying issue to his paranoia.

She wanted to ask him if an ex had left him in the past before, but knew it was not the appropriate time for that.

 _Of course it's not, moron! You're going to see Eichii right now._

Her heart almost stopped beating in her chest at that thought. Her mind could not properly process everything going on right now. It felt like it was too much.

She actually expected herself to act much worse than this, but it seemed like her brain had not registered the news yet fully. She could tell that her raging heart has, though.

"Sakura," she heard Syaoran's voice call.

Her trance was broken before she looked ahead of them, only to have her breath knocked right out of her. Her heart nearly dropped to her feet as her eyes took in the first thing they could see; the familiar golden locks on the man's head.

Her eyes traveled down to his marble blue eyes after sucking in the crease of his forehead. They studied all the way down to the familiar lips she could almost remember on her own years ago.

Everything looked the same about him. Hardly any blemishes tainted his pale skin, almost making her envy his perfection like she used to.

She could not tell if he truly looks this beautiful or if something was off in her head.

When her eyes fell down to his chest, seeing the healthy patterns of his breathing, she knew it was just in her mind because everything looked enhanced on him.

She found it hard to process the man standing in front of her... _breathing_... _alive_ without a bullet in his head.

She could not tell if she felt happy, sad, or angry about him still being alive in front of her.

One side of her wanted to punch the living daylights out of him, while another side wanted to grab him and touch every part of his body, just to feel his warm conscious body.

Her eyes drifted back to his marble eyes, only to see a look of mirth in his eyes. "I didn't expect to see you looking so in distraught about seeing me," his masculine voice boomed in her ears.

She could feel a wave of chills glide down her entire body.

"I..." She stood frozen with her mouth slightly gaped. She was at a loss for words.

"You look the same, minus the horror-filled expression," he said casually, making her lips purse at his witty comments.

"How has it been six years and that mouth of yours hasn't changed one bit?" she remarked.

"There it is," Eichii said, flashing her his charming smile.

Her cheeks warmed just as they used to before she heard someone beside her clear their throat.

She turned to see a tight expression on Syaoran's face. She dropped her hand, grabbing his. "You've met Syaoran, right?" she asked, trying to avoid the awkwardness of their situation, yet it created one. "I mean…" She closed her eyes. "…of course you guys have met. That's the reason I'm here, huh? I don't know what I was thinking saying tha—"

Eichii burst out laughing, making her look at him surprised by his outburst. "You're still so adorable," he said after composing himself. "I'm sorry, Dr. Li. I mean well and will respect your wishes."

Sakura's brows scrunched together, wondering if she had missed something. She had not heard them exchange any words to each other, so she was confused by his statement.

"Could I borrow Sakura for a few moments, though? We did agree to this," Eichii asked, looking Syaoran in his eyes as if he were trying to deliver a message without saying it.

Sakura wanted to ask what they agreed to but realized that she could not even find her own voice.

Syaoran's grip tightened on hers, making her realize he felt extremely uncomfortable with that. Instead of voicing his frustrations, he turned to her. "Sakura?" he asked, looking her in the eyes.

She could almost hear him begging her to say no by the pleading look in his eyes. She knew he could not be there for this, though. This was their business; no one else's because no one knew in depth about what had happened between them. No one knew everything that went on behind closed doors.

"Yes," she said.

His grip tightened on hers again, almost cutting off her circulation before he loosened it a little.

She turned her body towards his completely and reached up to grab his face with her other hand. She stood on her tip toes and kissed his lips very lightly before whispering against them, "I'm sorry, but I have to do this alone."

They stared in each other's eyes before Syaoran closed his tightly and nodded his head. "You're right. I trust you," he said, though it sounded like he did not mean it.

She smiled at him sadly. "Good."

He closed the gap between their lips one last time briefly before he broke apart from her, releasing her hand.

For a moment, Sakura had forgotten where they were and who was around until she turned back to the man in front of her.

She thought that she might feel uncomfortable displaying such affection in front of her ex-lover with her current lover, but she had not, because she knew she had to. For Syaoran's sake, at least.

"We'll just be over there," Eichii pointed towards an area where him and Sakura would have some privacy.

Sakura looked at Syaoran, seeing his jaw set tightly as if he were holding himself back from spitting out a few venomous words.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then nodded.

"It'll be fine," Sakura whispered to him one last time.

A forced smile appeared on his lips before he nodded again. "I'll be over here," He motioned to a seat that is facing the tv.

Sakura returned the smile before turning to Eichii.

He grinned at her before motioning her to follow him.

Once they settled in the seats by the window, Eichii released a sigh. "That guys really in love with you," he started off.

Sakura looked at him, raising a brow. "Hmm..."

"He has some serious balls coming here to meet me," he said comically.

"Syaoran's a really kind man. You have to really know him to see that he does care about you a lot," she said, deciding to open up a little to ease the tension between them.

"I can tell he cares about _you_ ," he said, placing emphasis on her.

"He does," she agreed.

It became silent after that, building the tension in her chest. She could not tell what he was trying to get at by talking about Syaoran like that.

"So, I'm here because I'm clearly a loony," he said in a joking tone.

Sakura looked at him with a serious expression on her face now, feeling triggered by his nonchalant behavior about this. "This is no laughing matter," she said, not caring that he would know how upset she felt about this.

For six years, she had been beating herself up about him dying; blaming herself for his death when he had been here this entire time. Alive and well, apparently.

She could not help but feel like the gods had been playing a cruel joke on her, laughing at her pain from above.

And here he sat, trying to make a joke about it.

He was quiet for a moment as if he were thinking about something. "You're right. I admitted myself," he said seriously now, seeming to detect her attitude.

For some reason, that made her even more upset. "Why?"

"Because I felt that this would be best for me...and you," he said the last part quietly.

She could nearly feel the breath being knocked out of her, _again_ , at that statement. "Me?" she asked breathless. "You did this...for me?"

Eichii did not say anything.

"What the hell..." she whispered quietly, feeling the back of her eyes burn with angry tears so quick and suddenly.

"It was for me mostly, Sakura. I knew that...I wasn't good for you or myself. All I ever did was hurt you and myself, so I...I just wanted to get away from you so you could be safe and a part of me still wanted to live back then, so I came here," he said the last part quietly.

"And you had a right to decide what was best for me?" she asked unbelievingly. She had not expected them to jump straight to this conversation so fast, but then she remembered that this is the only reason she wanted to see him.

"I know, it sounds…wrong, but that's what I thought at the time of everything going on…" he trailed off, letting her mind wander.

She could not understand if his intentions were to _truly_ kill himself, or just to _attempt_ to, and leave her high and dry like he had over these years.

"W-What about the gun? Didn't you...p-pull the trigger? Didn't you..." she stammered over her words, not sure how to process any of this.

"How do..." He looked at her confused now, seeming lost. "You were _dead_ when that happened, Sakura. How do you know I did that?" he asked incredulously.

She swallowed, thinking back on that night. "I don't know. Something weird happened," she decided to settle with.

She could remember seeing herself lie dead on that bed. She had done everything to convince herself to fight through and come back to her senses. Yet, her subconscious told her to open the door of death to end all of her pain and misery.

"I really did think you were...and I knew I couldn't live without you. There was no way I could after everything you had done for me. I _lived_ every day for you. Hell, every breath I took was for you, so I...after I came down from one of my episodes...I realized I had...and you were..." He closed his eyes tightly as if he were in pain thinking about the situation. He shook his head vigorously. "I knew I couldn't live without you, so I had to end it all..."

She clenched her jaw, feeling her lip begin to tremble. "You..." She closed her eyes, not able to take this pain in her chest. "You came here instead of letting me know that you were okay."

Despite his efforts to let her know how much he really did love her at the time, all she could think and feel was the lie that she had been believing all these years.

"It was selfish of me, I know that, but it's all I could think of. I knew you would never end it—"

"I would have if you had just _said_ it," she hissed quietly so no one could hear her.

She wanted to do so much more, though. She wanted to scream at him; hit him, strangle him, yet hug him and tell him how happy she feels to see him alive.

Her emotions were all over the place right now.

"Why didn't you just say it?" she whispered brokenly.

"I loved you too much to just end it with you. We were about to get married. Of course I couldn't just say I wanted to end us—"

"So you put a gun to your head after you strangle me instead and then live and hide from me?" she asked, feeling the dam almost break loose. "Was I so bad to the point that you wanted to _hide_ from me in a _mental_ hospital?"

Eichii's eyes softened after she choked over her words as the pain reached her voice. "No, it's never been you. It was all me and I was the coward who ran and hid because I couldn't face what I knew had to happen," he said sadly.

She took a deep shaky breath. "Six years..." she said quietly. "Six years and you've been...I just...how could I ever believe..."

Eichii held up his hand towards her. "Touch me."

Her eyes widened, surprised to hear him voice what she desperately needed to do.

"Maybe it'll help you believe," he said.

She remained still for a moment before she realized she _needed_ to do this for herself.

Slowly, she raised her hand towards his. Hesitantly, the tips of her finger brushed against the soft pads of his fingers.

Her breath caught in her throat; hands feeling the warm skin beneath her fingers. Her fingers grew bolder, sliding down to his palms before they shifted back up to his fingers.

She interlocked their hands together and the dam suddenly broke as the realization that the man she almost dreamed about every night _is_ alive.

"You're really alive," she said brokenly, not caring that people may look at her weirdly.

"I'm alive," he confirmed, gently squeezing her hand.

Her other hand suddenly moved up to touch his face, caressing his cheeks gently before her fingers started touching the rest of his face.

More tears poured from her eyes the more she touched him, making her realize how much she really is happy to _feel_ him alive.

"I...I don't know how to process this. How could you hide from me for this long?" she whispered.

"I don't know. I...I do think about you every day and I miss you every single second of the day, but I..."

She closed her eyes, waiting for him to say what she knew he would say next.

"I love you too much to put you through any more pain than I already have," he said.

Her heart clenched in her chest, hearing the honesty in his voice.

"I just...I need you to be honest with me," she said.

She knew she could not hold on to those words. She had already moved on with her life now, so taking those words to heart would serve her no justice. She just needed the truth out of all of this.

"I'm ready to tell you," he said, already knowing what she wanted to know.

She took a shaky breath, nodding her head for him to continue.

"There was this...girl over there. One of the kindest people you'll ever meet. She had been so...sweet. She was the only person who made me feel sane over there. There was so much I'd seen, so much I had to do. I killed people; saw people I _know_ get killed. I saw innocent people's bodies getting blown away. There was countless of times where _I_ almost died. There was just...so much I'd seen, so I was already fucked in the head. The only sane thing over there was the girl who had been hiding from the terrorist. She was the only light I could see over there and I...destroyed that," he said the last part angrily.

Sakura swallowed, watching him tell the story as so many different emotions flashed across his face.

She released his gripping hand and moved her hand from his face to give him space. He may have been here, but that sure gave her no reason to believe that he would not hurt her anymore. She had been there and done that countless of times in the past.

"I...got her killed. I had gone out to her hiding spot because she said she had a surprise for me. One of the troopers must've spotted me, because that was the only way her spot could've been exposed. So they..." He stopped, taking a deep breath.

"I lost her in one of the most awful ways and I…when I lost her, I couldn't see that light anymore once she was gone. Everything was dark again, so I...lost it. When I got back here and finally saw you again...I was reminded all over again _why_ I saw the light in her. It was because she reminded me so much of you," he said.

Her breath caught in her throat at that statement, as her mind already knew where this was going before he had even said it.

"So, seeing you started to remind me of her, and thinking of her just reminded me of all the shit I went through over there and I...the light was gone, Sakura. You guys were almost the exact person and that's why it's so hard for me to...look at you because I see you guys as one person and I don't want to think about those things over there anymore. I don't _want_ to think about…" Eichii stopped again, making Sakura look at him.

She could see his face turning scarlet red and his hands were pale as he clenched his fist.

She could tell that he was at his limits of telling this story.

"Okay," she said softly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you... _ever_. I never wanted to, but it's just...those images and everything I went through there...I don't know, Sakura. I know overtime I started blaming you for what I went through, but it was never your fault. It was all me and..." He stopped again.

She shook her head. "You don't have to tell me anymore," she said softly.

"I'm better now, though. Can't you tell?" he asked, looking at her with threatening tears in his blue eyes. "Aren't I?"

She nodded. "You are. I'm so glad," she said sincerely.

"And I'm just..."

"No. You don't have to apologize...because I've already forgiven you," she said truthfully.

Six years had been long enough to hold a grudge, she thought.

"I'm truly sorry for ever hurting you. I never wanted to. I know I shouldn't even apologize because I don't even deserve your forgiveness, but I truly am sorry," he said.

"I know," she said, smiling at him weakly. "I truly believe you when you say that."

"I'm better right now because of you too. Everything you did and said paid off—I swear it did, so I hope you haven't thought otherwise," he said, making her heart flutter at his confession.

"You don't have to say that," she said quietly.

"It's the truth, though. I would never lie about something like this to you. You deserve nothing but honesty from everyone. That's why I..." He suddenly stopped, making her curious about what he would say next.

"What?" she asked softly.

He shook his head. "No, I don't have a right or say in this," he said quickly.

She sat quiet for a moment, trying to process what he had just said.

She could not fathom how he just said that she deserved nothing, but honesty and he does this.

"You—"

"I know of Dr. Li's past, is all," Eichii interrupted before she could chastise him.

Her jaw clenched, not sure how to feel about him saying that. Almost everyone knew of Syaoran around Tomoeda area.

She knew what could come with dating Syaoran, but now she had to see how she would handle it, starting here. With her ex-lover.

"Syaoran's a good man now," she said quietly.

Eichii nodded. "I know. I just...want you to be happy," he decided to settle with.

"I am happy," she said, yet her voice cracked in the process of her claim.

"Then why are you crying?" he whispered.

Her mouth opened before she reached up to touch her cheeks. "I..." She was surprised to feel her cheeks wet.

"Sakura..."

"I just...I've been so scared and blaming myself for..." She stopped, shaking her head. "No, I shouldn't be talking about this with you," she said brokenly.

"Sakura...Dr. Li's coming over," Eichii warned, making her sit up taut.

Like he warned, Syaoran came and stood in front of Sakura. "What the hell did you say to her?" she heard the over-protectiveness in his voice, making her smile a little at his behavior.

She grabbed his arm gently as she wiped her eyes with the other hand. "It's not like that," she said quietly, standing from the seat.

Syaoran turned to her; his face softening the moment their eyes locked. "What's wrong?" he asked gently.

She shook her head. "I just...I want to go," she said.

She had reached her limits for the day. Seeing Eichii alive and finding out that he came here to get away from her was all she could take.

At the end of the day, she knew she could not look past how selfish he had been for all these years. Everyone in her life had been selfish who knew of this because they all knew she had been beating herself up about it; blaming herself for his death. And he has been sitting here all this time, _hiding_ from her.

She needed out and the only person she could trust and know had her back is Syaoran.

He seemed to be the only person who had her best at interest because he went out of his way to show her the man had still been alive. Yet, here Eichii was, trying to make her doubt Syaoran is a good man.

She was no fool or would go into anything with anyone blindly believing anything a man tells her. But, that did not mean that she has a bad sense of judge of character.

Just like now, she could see how selfish Eichii had been for all these years.

She forgives him, but that certainly does not mean that she wanted him back in her life after putting her through so much and leaving her to live a lie for years.

Syaoran grabbed her chin gently, making her look at him. "We can go. Just stop crying," he demanded softly.

She took a deep shaky breath before nodding her head. "Okay."

She pulled away from him so she could look at Eichii. "I'm glad you're alive and well. It was really nice seeing you, but I don't think I can see you anymore," she told him.

Eichii stared at her for a while before nodding his head. "I understand. I'm glad you came by," he said quietly.

Hearing the sincerity in his voice made her feel a little bad for her decision, but she brushed it to the side.

There was no way she could continue seeing him after finding out she had been lied to for all these years.

With her most forced smile ever, she nodded. "So, I guess this is it," she said.

"Sakura..."

"No, I'm fine. We can leave, Syaoran," she interrupted Eichii before he could even continue on to apologize to her.

Syaoran nodded, grabbing her hand.

* * *

Syaoran kept his eyes on the road as Sakura tried to keep her composure sitting beside him in the car.

Neither of them had spoken a word since they left the hospital.

Syaoran had not bothered to break the tension between them and Sakura found herself unable to speak.

She knew the moment she opened her mouth; she would break, and she was not sure if she was ready for that. She wanted to be behind closed doors before she let anything out. She knew that she felt at her worst state, because she did not even care that it would be in front of Syaoran.

The rest of the ride was quiet as Sakura nearly held her breath the entire way back to the hotel.

As soon as the car turned off, she could feel Syaoran's eyes on her.

Too afraid to look at him, she stared ahead at the luxury hotel in front of them. "I'm fine," she said softly, yet her heart told her otherwise.

"Sakura—"

"I'm fine. I just need a moment," she said quickly.

She could see him nod from her peripheral.

Just as he promised, he gave her a few moments to get herself together.

When she thought she was ready, she turned to him, giving him a small smile. "Okay, we can go in," she said confidently.

"Are you sure? We can sit here as long as you need to," he said gently.

Her heart warmed, hearing the sincerity in his voice. "I'm ready," she promised.

"Okay, come on," he said, opening his car door.

She sighed and opened her side of the door and stepped out.

Her legs felt like jelly the moment they touched the ground.

 _Just a few steps..._

Syaoran came to her side of the car. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

She nodded, yet she felt nauseous. "Just been sitting down for too long," she reasoned.

He placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her to walk in front of him.

She took two steps before her legs finally gave out and she fell to the ground on her knees and burst into hysterical sobs.

"Sakura," Syaoran called and was down on his knees beside her, wrapping an arm around her back.

"I-I-I-I can't b-believe he's been alive this entire t-time, h-hiding from me!" she sobbed, not caring that she could possibly cause a scene if someone were to walk by them.

"I know, I know..." Syaoran said soothingly, pulling her over into his body, offering her his warmth.

Feeling his warm body around hers made her realize how cold it was out for the first time. And here she was, sitting on the cold ground in the snow hysterically crying for a man who had selfishly hidden from her for six years.

"It's not fair!" she exclaimed angrily as she thought about it. "It's not fair that he's been alive this **entire** time! It's not fair that I've had to live with this pain because of him and he's been doing **just** fine! I know that makes me sound selfish, but why has he gotten to live his life the way he wants to when mine has been controlled by him for so long?! I deserve to be happy too! I deserved to have some form of closure before he decided on his own to leave me high and dry like this! I deserved to know that he lived after putting up with all his bullshit! I—" She stopped, choking on her sobs before burying her face in his chest, crying hysterically.

"I know..." she could hear Syaoran say as he rubbed her hair soothingly.

"It's not... _fair_!" she sobbed again before wrapping her arms around his body tight as if her life depended on it.

She felt like the biggest fool alive; utterly humiliated to have been played by the world for so long. She wanted a hole to swallow her whole at this point, so she could hide from the embarrassment of being played like she were a fool.

She did not know how long they sat there while she sobbed hysterically in his shirt, but before she knew it, she did not even have any more tears to shed.

She could feel her eyes drifting shut, exhausted from her breakdown just moments ago.

"Feel better?" she heard a faint voice ask before the realm of darkness enraptured her mind.

* * *

Syaoran stared at her sleeping form on the bed as he rest his elbows on his knee.

She had been sleeping for the last two hours and he was starting to get a little worried.

He had knew she was exhausted and fell asleep outside, so he carried her inside the hotel and put her to bed.

A small sting of guilt was still eating at his heart, blaming him for her current state.

He kept telling himself that she needed this; she needed to see that the man had been alive. That everything she did was not in vain. That Eichii had not died because of her.

She deserved to know and get some form of closure.

He had almost selfishly kept it from her too, afraid that she would fall back into the man's arms, but he pushed that feeling to the side.

Everything he had been feeling was nothing compared to what Sakura was feeling.

All the jealousy, hatred, and spite would never compare to how Sakura felt for all these years, and now too, so he sat at the table in that hospital and sucked up his own emotions.

He had almost lost it when he saw Sakura touch the man, but for some reason, something stopped him from going over. Something told him that she needed that. Something told him that everything that went on between Sakura and Eichii in that hospital was supposed to happen. For Sakura, at least.

And that was enough to make him remain calm and not act out irrationally.

He hated seeing them together, but not as much as he hated seeing Sakura in pain.

"I'm fine..." he heard a soft voice interrupt his thoughts.

He noticed Sakura trying to sit up, but he was up in a split second, forcing her to lay back down. "Don't push yourself. You're exhausted," he said sadly.

He hates seeing her like this.

She smiled at him weakly, shaking her head. "I'm fine, I promise. I just needed rest," she said in a scruffy voice.

His heart tightened in his chest seeing the puffiness from her earlier outburst.

Nothing had ever saddened him as much as seeing her cry like that earlier. He knew she needed it, though.

"You've been staring at me for the last five minutes. I was almost convinced that you were sleeping with your eyes opened," she said, smiling at him.

His heart warmed a little, seeing the genuine smile. "I'm sorry. I've just been so worried..." he said, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed beside her.

She moved over before sitting up carefully. "I'm sorry. I just...I needed that," she said bashfully.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I know...I'm glad you're better now," he said against her skin.

"Thank you, Syaoran..." she said softly.

"It's no problem. I'm a doctor, so I'm used to taking care of people," he said proudly to lighten the mood.

"No...I mean... _thank you_ , for everything. I don't know how I would have dealt with this if you weren't here," she said.

"Oh..." he said, feeling his cheeks warm at the sincerity in her tone.

"You've been so kind to me and I...I don't know how I could ever repay you one day," she said regretfully.

"You can repay me by being happy finally," he said with a supportive smile on his face.

She looked up at him and returned the smile. "I'm...happy right now," she said.

He could not tell if she was just saying that or if she truly meant it. "And why's that?"

"I...I finally understand now," she said. "Everything I was blaming myself for...was never my fault. Everything that he did was because of himself. He abused me because _he_ chose to. He tried to kill me because _he_ chose to...not because of anything I did...and _he_ chose to end his own life because _he_ wanted to. Not because I couldn't save him."

"Of course. I'm glad you've finally realized that," Syaoran said with a smile.

"I think everything that I've been scared of has all just been a delusion of something that _I_ created in my head," she said softly.

Syaoran caressed her face gently, staring at how beautiful she looked to him.

Despite her crying and the puffiness in her face, she still looked so beautiful to him.

He sighed, feeling himself drift into a daze. "What do you mean?" he asked in a tone as if he were in a trance.

"We...all do it, but I never thought that I would fall victim to this crime too because of my knowledge of knowing that people do it," she said.

Syaoran hummed, trying to put the pieces together himself about what she is trying to say.

"We...create monsters, such as fear, in our heads and let them have all the power in our situations or circumstances. I've been...so scared of this demon that's been taunting me; telling me that the moment we get together, you're going to be this...abusive man who can't control himself because of something traumatic that happened to you in your past and I'll be ready to stand by you and defend your every action because I know what you've been through..." she said, staring at him seriously now.

"Sakura, you know I would never—"

"I do know that now. I also know that I have the power to make sure that doesn't happen. I have the power to make myself not go down that same path. Right now...hatred and anger towards Eichii is knocking at my door because of what he did. I have the power to open that door...or keep it closed and stay inside the door of forgiveness and love that I've decided to open for all these years," she said. "Opening that door would only give Eichii all the power again. There's really nothing I should be afraid of."

"You're right..." he agreed.

She sighed with a dazed expression on her face. "So, how'd you find out he was still alive?" she asked, suddenly changing the subject.

For some reason, he felt relieved that she did.

"How else do you think I could've found this out?"

"Aki, huh..." she said, sounding deep in thought.

"It was..."

"I don't need any explanations for him," she said distantly.

He never thought he would see the day where she sounded like she did not care about the man. He was not sure how to feel about that.

One side of him was happy and jumping for joy, while the other side felt a little bad.

"What he's done is unforgivable..." she said under her breath. "Yet understandable."

"Let's not worry about him right now," Syaoran said, smiling at her. "I know it was horrible planning and timing for everything to happen today, but...it's New Year's Eve and I wanted your year to start off right."

She smiled at him. "It will now."

"I had it planned for us to go to the festival, but if you're not up to par, I completely understand and—"

"Let's go," she interrupted. "I...let's get stupid drunk and enjoy ourselves tonight."

Syaoran looked at her with a raised brow, wondering if that was a trick proposal.

"I just...today was hard enough and now I just want to...enjoy myself and you. You did bring me all the way here, so it's only fair that you enjoy yourself too."

Syaoran chuckled hearing the humor in that last statement. "Okay."

* * *

 **A/N: I'm finally back! I know it's been a while, but your worries are over since I graduate in like two days! I am sorry for the delay in this chapter, because it has been done for quite some time now, but every time I'd start editing it at night, I'd fall straight to sleep due to exhaustion from everything going on irl. I'm so glad it's done! I won't be going for any schooling until the beginning of next year. I'm still trying to decide between psychiatrist and psychologist, so you guys should see me being very active on this site again.**

 **Anyway, enough about me and more about the story! Sakura's finally seen Eichii, which I'm not too sure about her claiming that everything's fine now that she's seen him alive and well. There are still so many questions that needs to be answered about this chapter, like...will this _really_ be the last time they see each other for good? Is he no longer in the picture anymore? Will this lead Sakura and Syaoran to their own happily ever after? And, let's not forget about Syaoran's problems with his family either. That _woman_ still has to play her part in the story, so don't get your hopes up too high about our favorite couple finally conquering all their challenges and being together! Lets not forget that their relationship is still considered taboo, so Aki still has a say so in how this goes as well! :P**

 **I didn't plan for this story to be this long. Honestly, it was just supposed to be a 25 chapter story, but somehow, my overthinking and imagination took over, like always, so my apologies to those who hate long, drawn-out stories.**

 **But, I do want to say thank you guys so freaking much for all the reviews! Like, I never expected this story to get so many reviews and likes, considering the topics are very, _very_ heavy to take on in this story! **

**I hope I didn't disappoint too much with this chapter, though. I am still trying to get back into the flow of writing again since I have not been as active in writing stories this year! I will be getting around to responding to reviews(especially questions) after this chapter gets posted(probably later on, because it's like 4am here) :).**

 **I won't give a specific day or amount of time about the next update since I do have to get ready for graduation and figure out what will happen within the next few months, but just know that it won't be as long as this update. Just know I will have plenty of time to write after graduation! So, I promise not to be a stranger again (also, hoping that you guys will forgive my absence!).**

 **Ja ne!**


	37. Their New Beginning

**"Their New Beginning"**

* * *

Sakura's thumb lingered over the keys of her phone, as she stared at the beaming screen. She had been staring at her phone, at **_his_** name, for a solid 10 minutes. She was debating if she should text the man to let him know how she had been.

Her heart told her not to, though. Her mind even agreed with her heart how he did not deserve to know how she felt after everything that just happened today. Her heart and mind **never** agree with each other.

The little demon on her left shoulder began to blame him for her pain. He had been her best friend over a decade now, and he kept this from her.

 **'Please call me when you can'**

She wanted to throw her phone against a wall after reading the text he sent her as soon as Syaoran left the hotel.

At the thought of Syaoran, she could feel her cheeks almost melt into a puddle of mush, as the thought of him distracted her mind from the other man.

He had left 10 minutes ago to get drinks for them to have for the next few hours before they would go out.

She could not believe she had cried in front of him like that. She had never bawled her eyes out in front of anyone like that—not even Eichii _or_ Akinari.

What warmed her heart even more was the fact that he had no type of judgement or ill-thoughts about her. He had been so sincere with the simple responses he gave her.

He made her feel like it was okay to cry and feel the things she felt.

Everything Syaoran had done for her in these last few days made her realize that she could never find anyone who feels as strongly about her than he does. Syaoran was the type of man she could see herself spending the rest of her life with.

Her heart sped up at that thought, wondering where it had even come from. She was getting way ahead of herself _and_ Syaoran now. They were not even together yet, and she was already thinking long term with the man.

They still needed to go on their first official date before anything else, she reasoned.

 _Click._

Her head turned towards the hotel door, hearing that noise. She took a deep breath, hoping it would calm her raging heart.

The moment the door opened, and she caught a glimpse of the man, all the blood rushed to her face.

Syaoran flashed her a charming smile as he held up the two bottles of alcohol. "Sorry it took so long," he said, walking through the door. It closed behind him, automatically locking. "Apparently a lot of people are staying inside their hotel rooms tonight for New Year's."

She smiled, shaking her head. "It's fine," she said.

"Is something wrong? Your energy level is different from what it was earlier about us drinking," he said, sitting the bottles on the counter before walking over to her.

Unconsciously, her fingers tightened around the forgotten object in her hand.

He sighed, eyes drifting down to her hand. "Give me your phone," he said, holding out his hand for her phone.

"What?" she asked, holding her phone closer to her chest now. "Why?"

"It's New Year's Eve...we've stressed about enough today, especially you. You aren't adding anything else to this list, so give me your phone," he said sternly.

"But—"

"I've informed your dad where you are and will be tonight, tomorrow, and the day after that. He has my number too, so if anything happens, he'll call me. The phone," he said, motioning her to give him the phone.

For a moment, she wondered when he had got her father's number.

"But, Tomoyo—"

"I've contacted Hiiragizawa and told him where we are and to also tell your friend, so we'll be getting a call from them probably tomorrow or tonight. Your phone," he said again, motioning her to hand it over.

She looked at him, seeing how serious and determined he looked to get her phone. The butterflies in her stomach could not help but appreciate all the effort he had been putting into her, even now.

If her dad and Tomoyo knew where she is, she could give him her phone.

"Here." She handed it to him slowly.

Not even bothering to look at the phone, he turned it off before slipping it in his dark loosely fitted denim jeans, making her realize he had on normal clothes. He even had a navy blue sweatshirt on with tennis shoes.

"I didn't know you were capable of dressing so...normal," she said, letting her voice turn playful towards the end.

She wanted to lighten the mood between them now. She had been the one to suggest them having fun for the remainder of the day, so they would have fun.

"I..."

She looked at him, seeing his cheeks color. "You look good," she complimented to make him feel less uncomfortable about her comment on his appearance.

"Well...I didn't bring any of my scrubs, so this is all I have, unfortunately," he said, giving her a crooked smile.

She giggled, standing from the little flat couch where the window is located. "That sucks, because...you look good in those too," she said, smiling at him bashfully, though she had a playful hint to her tone.

Syaoran chuckled, walking towards her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her towards him in a hug. "Well, you look good in everything you put on," he murmured in her hair, making the butterflies in her stomach flutter.

"Syaoran..." she called, closing her eyes as she rest her head on his chest, breathing in his scent.

He pulled back from her, but kept his arms wrapped around her waist as he stared in her eyes. "I mean that."

Staring in his eyes made her realize the honesty in that response. She knew they had to talk about _that_. "You don't have to say these things to me," she said softly.

"I know, but I want to," he said, resting his forehead against hers.

"I..."

"I know we haven't talked about us or whether or not we're getting together or anything, but I mean it. I mean everything I tell you," he said, holding her tighter.

"I meant what I said about wanting to be with you. Seeing Eichii today changed absolutely nothing about the way I feel."

She wanted to get that out in the open so he could know she still wanted that. She still wanted _him_.

"Is it really what you want?" he asked, looking in her eyes seriously. "Because saying that means you're not getting rid of me."

Her cheeks warmed at the sincerity in his voice. "I do."

"No more mind games. You can't change your mind about this anymore. You either want me or you don't," he said.

She smiled at him a little before nodding her head against his slowly. "With all this work you've been putting in...I'm pretty sure I don't want to lose you. No one could ever be as patient as you've been with me. We still have a few things to fix before we can make this work, but I'm certain about wanting to be with you," she said.

He let out a sigh of relief. "Good, because you don't know how long I've been holding my breath to hear that answer," he said.

She giggled before biting her lip bashfully. "How did...you know to do this? What made you think of this?" she asked.

"You," he said, unwrapping his arm around her waist to caress her face. "We've had too many conversations; too many sessions for me to not know what has to be done to fix a problem. I know I have to face the thing that started the problem and one part of me feels like...things will be a lot better in my life if I did. But the other part dreads it, but I have this feeling somewhere deep inside that it'll all be worth it. So...I figured...if I feel this way about facing the thing that started the problem, you might feel that way too. I don't know, I'm probably not even making sense right now."

Sakura smiled at him, leaning into his touch. "It does. I'm so glad that you've really been listening to me the entire time of me trying to help you," she said.

He smiled at her. "Of course I have," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

She looked at him, glaring at him playfully. "Don't 'of course' me, when you were a complete asshole halfway through all of our sessions," she said with a smile on her face now.

Syaoran chuckled, leaning down to kiss her forehead before pulling back from her. "That doesn't mean I never listened. Besides, I'm not now, so that's what matters."

He walked over where the drinks were to grab them and the glasses.

"I don't know that. We haven't had a session in like a month," she said, giving him a pointed look.

"You know I wouldn't treat you that way anymore. You're special to me now," he said quietly.

"Even though I'm a psychologist?" she asked testily.

She knew how he felt about psychologist when they first started talk therapy. She could briefly remember him saying how they never did anything to help him or the woman who gave birth to him.

She never knew to the full extent of what happened with the psychologist and his family, so she wondered if she could coerce it out of him.

He turned the top of the whiskey and poured himself some in the glass before pouring Sakura's. He handed it to her, which she accepted.

"Even though you're a psychologist. I told you that you're different. You're not like most psychologist I know," he said.

Sakura smiled at him a little before holding up her glass for a toast.

He chuckled. "What should we toast to? The start of our relationship?" he asked in a joking tone.

Her heart sped up at that statement as the excitement coursed through her body. "To a new beginning," she said.

He was all teeth the moment she said that before he touched her glass with his. "To a new relationship," he corrected before downing his drink in one go.

Her eyes widened, surprised to see him drinking the full glass of whiskey as if it were juice.

Feeling like she was getting behind, she attempted to drink hers in one go, but found herself stopping the moment the burn hit her throat.

She heard snorting beside her, making her eyes open to look in the direction of the noise.

"No whiskey?" he asked, raising a brow at her.

"Of course not. I barely drink alcohol," she said.

He chuckled before moving over to the bed with the bottle in his hand. "Come here," he said in a husky tone that was all too familiar to her.

She walked over to the bed where he was, slowly, with her glass in hand still.

Syaoran grabbed her free hand, pulling her between his parted legs on the bed so she could stand directly in front of him.

She swallowed, feeling nervous about what he would do. He had not tried to do anything intimate with her since their big fight, but now...

"We're going to make this work," he said confidently. "If you really want to be with me, I'll make sure it works out in your favor."

"What about yours?" she asked in a timid voice, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about something that had not even happened yet.

"What about mine?" he asked, gently squeezing her hand.

"Everything should work out in your favor too," she said.

"Sakura," he called, making her look him directly in the eyes. "I'm not going to get anything negative from everyone if we get together. I mean, there will be here and there snarky comments, but nothing that will ever compare to what you'd have to face, being with a man who has a disgusting past ..."

Hearing the way he spoke about himself made her realize he may have still had some underlying issues with himself.

"You are not a disgusting man, so stop that," she said in a reprimanding tone.

"Do you know how many women I've been with? How many women I've paid to _sleep_ with? I'm pretty disgusting," he said in a concluding tone. "Drink the rest of your drink."

She looked down at the glass in her, seeing she still had half a glass. "We aren't done with this conversation," she said before drinking the rest of her drink in one go.

She would not just let him talk down on himself like that. Not in her book, at least.

"This is why I can't let you go out. How are you 27 and can't take whiskey?" he asked in a teasing tone.

That was when she realized she made the same face she had earlier when drinking the alcohol. She tried to straighten up her face, but the burn in her throat said otherwise.

"Alcohol is just not my style, but you aren't changing the subject," she said, sitting her glass down.

He sighed, drinking more of the whiskey from the bottle. "It doesn't matter, right? I just want you to be sure that you're willing to take that on. I don't want you to have to go through anything bad because of me. That's why I...don't want you to do this unless you truly want to," he said the last part quietly.

"I want to," she said confidently. And she meant that. She wanted to be with Syaoran.

Syaoran took one more chug from the bottle before setting the bottle down on the small night stand by the bed.

"Come here," he said, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her towards the bed more.

He slid his hand down her waist, to her leg before he lifted it up on the bed so her knee could rest on the bed as she straddled him.

Her mind told her they would finally do this again, but her heart told her it would not happen.

Deciding that she had enough of the anticipation, she pushed him back on the bed before resting her behind on his lap. She looked down at his red face, seeing the familiar lust in his eyes.

"Are we really going to finally start something serious?" he asked, grabbing her hand to pull her down with him.

Before she could even respond, he wrapped a hand around her neck, pulling her face towards his to kiss her lips hard. She responded back with the same amount of passion he put into the kiss, moving her body closer to his. Before she could even think twice about making any other moves, he flipped them over to where he was on top. She looked up at him, lips slightly parted from their intense kiss.

He groaned, closing his eyes tightly before she felt something hard press against her stomach. She looked down, seeing him press his lower body against hers.

"I really wasn't planning for us to do this right now..." he said against her lips before he started kissing down her face to her neck slowly.

She sighed, sliding her hands up to his hair, as all the hairs on her body stood on end. Her senses all seemed to heighten, signaling the alcohol had finally taken effect.

"But?" she managed to get out.

He kissed back up her neck slowly until he reached her lips so he could place one long kiss on hers before pulling back. "We're going to be in this hotel room all day if we start something," he said, standing from the bed, pulling her up with him.

She smiled, feeling just the slightest bit of disappointment that they would not be doing that. Somehow, she felt a bit grateful that Syaoran had not been making huge advances. She knew that when he started, he would never stop.

Her lady bits tingled at the thought before she brushed the feeling to the side.

She held his hand a little longer as they stood up beside the bed before she let it go. "Aki texted me," she said out of the blue to change the subject. She needed to calm down too, and he would be the perfect subject to get her mind off her raging hormones wanting the man to tackle her already.

Syaoran rolled his eyes in annoyance. "What does he want now?" he asked with the same manner his body language showed at the mention of the man.

She smiled a little, glad to see that he had not changed too much. "Did you tell him that we went to see Eichii today?" she asked softly.

"I never told him directly that we would, but I did have a conversation with him to find out that the bastard was still alive, so I'm sure he put two and two together on his own," he said.

Sakura realized she had not become annoyed with his insult of the man, surprisingly.

Usually, she would be ready to defend Eichii whenever Syaoran would talk down on him, but this time felt different.

In her heart, she knew Syaoran meant well with most things, and there was nothing she could do or say to convince him not to hate her past lover.

"Why'd he text me to call him then?" she asked testily.

He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to his hard body. She could still feel his arousal, letting her see how much self-control he has now. "Why are you worried about him? I told you..." he kissed her forehead, "..the rest of this trip is about you..." he kissed her nose, "...and me spending time together to get away from it all," and then he kissed her lips briefly.

"I know, I'm just not used to...ignoring him for long—"

"Sakura," he called in a scolding tone gently.

She bit her lip lightly, realizing how wrong she is being right now. Syaoran had set all of this up for her, and here she was, worried about another man after they were just about to make love.

"I talked to Akinari when I went to go get the drinks. I told him you were fine and that he didn't have anything to worry about and that I'd make sure you're safe. Does that make you feel better?" he asked.

She smiled at him a little, nodding her head. "You're right. I'm sorry for being such a worry wart sometimes," she said bashfully.

"More like all the time," he remarked teasingly.

She giggled, pushing against his chest playfully so he could release her. "Don't be an asshole," she said.

For some reason, that had lifted a huge weight off her chest. Even though she felt mad and upset with Aki, she still wanted him to know that she was fine.

She did not even know if she would be able to face him after finding out he had been hiding this, but she knew she would not ignore him forever. Just until she felt her negative emotions towards him calm down. And that would not be for a while.

She could not tell if it was the alcohol or her carefree spirit now, but she felt oddly...relieved about everything. There was no wrenching feeling in her chest anymore like there always was. No unsettling feelings in her stomach anymore. She felt...o _kay_ , for the first time in a long time. She would always say she is alright to everyone, including herself, but for once...she actually does this time.

She felt alright and it oddly felt great to feel _alright_ for once in a long time.

"So, how about we play a little drinking game?" he suggested with a smirk on his face.

Already feeling herself a little gone, she smiled and nodded her head. "I'm down."

* * *

Sakura leaned against the counter top of the bar counter, giving Syaoran a view of her cleavage. "We would like...a shot of your most ordered drink tonight," she said, grinning at the bartender.

Syaoran dropped his hand under the counter, landing it on her thigh. "Could we just get a water for now?" he asked the bartender, glaring at the man as he caught him looking at her cleavage as well.

"Don't be such a party pooper," Sakura said with a pout on her lips.

Syaoran turned her chair towards his, raising a brow. "Is this what you do when you go out with others? Flirt with the bartender?" he asked with a frown on his face.

If she were to tell him that is true, he would not know how to feel about her going out without him anymore.

"I am _not_ flirting. I'm just trying to get us free drinks," she said into his ear, in not the quietest tone.

"No, I can pay for the drinks. You're going to make me kill every guy in this bar if you don't stop the flirting," he chastised gently, squeezing her hand.

"No...you," she poked his chest, "…just need a little bit to drink so you won't be so uptight." She hopped off the stool, moving over between his legs.

Instantly, his body reacted to the heat of her proximity. "You agreed to get drunk with me...so get drunk, please, baby. We're in Tokyo...at a bar, where no one would probably even know who we are...we're fine, so let loose," she said, wrapping her arms around his body.

He closed his eyes, feeling his heart beat faster in his chest as the guy in his pants came to life. "If we're fine to do whatever we want...kiss me like you mean it in front of all these men you've been flirting with tonight with your little outfit on," he said in her ear, as he pulled her body closer to his tightly. He slid his hand down to the small of her back, dangerously close to her bum.

She pulled her face back from his, looking in his eyes.

He mentally groaned, seeing her flushed face with her lips slightly parted.

"Right here?" she asked with heavy lidded eyes.

"Right now," he confirmed, his breath brushing dangerously close to her lips.

They had played a game of two truths and a lie, which resulted in them both being too far gone.

She ended up changing into a dress that showed way too much for the public eye—at least to Syaoran—but she persisted on keeping it on.

Syaoran almost took her at that very moment, seeing how the green of the dress complimented her eyes. The cleavage was low cut and the back showed way too much to be considered appropriate. It was not too short, but short enough for him to pull the tight fitting dress up her waist to take her from behind.

He groaned at that thought before grabbing the back of her neck with his other hand to pull her towards his face to close the gap between their lips before she could even respond.

As soon as their lips met, Sakura kissed him with all she had, holding on to him tightly. He allowed his hand to drop lower to her ass, grabbing it tightly as she slipped her tongue past his parted lips.

Someone cleared their throat, making Sakura break apart from his lips immediately.

They both looked in the direction of the noise, only to see the bartender looking at the two, a little annoyed.

Syaoran smirked at him, giving Sakura one last squeeze before releasing her. He looked towards the counter and grabbed the glass of water and handed it to Sakura. "Drink this," he said.

She smiled at him a little. "Only if you promise to drink more. You're not supposed to be a babysitter tonight," she said, looking at him with a mischievous look in her eyes.

He smirked at her. "Alright, baby. No more babysitting, now drink the water," he coerced.

"I like when you call me that," she said with a grin on her face.

"Drink," he said in a playful stern tone, pushing the glass towards her lips.

She drank the water within a span of a few seconds.

Syaoran turned towards the bartender. "Barcardi."

"Finally," Sakura exaggerated, leaning towards him.

"You're drunk," Syaoran stated.

"I am not. I'm just tipsy," she said.

"Prove it," he said, smiling at her a little.

He was the definition of tipsy, but slightly drunk, while Sakura had to be drunk, he noted.

"I'm here with...the most beautiful, talented, smart, and sweetest doctor alive. And I know that there's no one else in this world who I'd rather start my year off with," she said.

Syaoran knew it was just the alcohol talking, but his cheeks still warmed at her confession.

"Here's your drink, sir," the bartender said, interrupting their moment.

Syaoran took the drink and downed it in less than a minute.

He closed his eyes tightly, feeling the burn like he always does. The alcohol had his body on fire.

He turned to the bartender, ordering another drink like he promised Sakura. He wanted to be as drunk as Sakura so he could enjoy himself with her. He had promised to get drunk with her tonight, so he would.

He only hesitated because he wanted to stick to the plan of them going to the festival after this.

He looked down at his watch, only to see it was past nine, which meant they still had time to get there. He could feel Sakura's eyes on him, so he looked at her, only to see a dark look in her eyes.

He mentally groaned, knowing that look more than anything. He could spot it a mile away.

"Let's go to the festival before it's too late," he said, loosely wrapping an arm around her.

The bartender handed him his drink and he drank it quickly. He threw a large amount of money on the counter before hopping off the stool. "Keep the change," he said over his shoulder before grabbing Sakura's hand, pulling her with him.

He heard her faintly giggle over the noise in the bar as she tried to keep up with him. "I'm glad I didn't wear any heels," she said over the music.

"I'm glad you didn't either, though it would have been nice to show those sexy legs off," he said without much thought into it.

Fuck.

Just at the boldness and forwardness of that statement, Syaoran knew the alcohol had finally settled in his blood.

Syaoran led them outside of the bar to the Uber he paid extra money to drive them around.

He helped Sakura settle in the back before he sat beside her in the car.

"The festival," he called to the driver before turning his attention back to the woman sitting next to him.

"You just know you look good tonight, don't you?" he said, moving his hand up to caress her face gently.

Her cheeks warmed under his palm before she bit her lip coyly.

He groaned, leaning down to kiss her lips hard.

Even though they had kissed earlier, this felt like the first time they had kissed in a long time.

He pulled back slightly. "I missed these," he kissed her lips hard before moving his lips up. "I missed this too," he kissed her nose, forehead, cheeks, and all the way back down to her chin.

"I missed you too," she said breathlessly as he started traveling kisses down her face to her neck.

His kisses turned from soft and gentle to vigorous suckling on the sensitive flesh of her neck. "Now, you're off limits from those guys you've been trying to get the attention of," he said, biting her neck a little hard, but not enough to hurt her.

She yelped as his teeth tugged at the huge hickey he left behind his suckling. "I told you I was just getting us free drinks," she whimpered weakly.

He could feel a sting of jealousy play at his heart. "Is that really what you do? You flirt to get free drinks?" he asked, dropping his hand to her thigh.

"As a single woman, I would," she answered confidently as her thighs automatically squeezed together.

Syaoran slid his hand down between her thighs, squeezing one of them gently, causing her to jerk a bit. "And now?" he asked, trailing wet kisses down her neck slowly. "Will you still flirt to get free drinks while you're with me?" His hand slid under her dress a little higher.

He studied her facial expressions, seeing how flustered and frustrated she looked as his hand teased her smooth thighs.

"N-no," she whimpered.

He slid his hand up a little higher. "I don't think I quite heard you," he said in a teasing tone.

All he could see was her bright red cheeks in the dark car with her mouth slightly parted as she pant softly.

"No...I'm done flirting for free drinks," she said weakly.

"Good," he said before closing the gap between their lips again.

Feeling someone's eyes on them, Syaoran looked to the front, only to catch the driver's eyes glancing at the front rearview mirror at them every few seconds.

He smirked against her lips before removing his hand from under her dress.

If there was some barrier to block the man's eyes from seeing Sakura naked, he would have taken her in the back of the cab.

He pulled back from her lips with a smirk on his lips; eyes feeling extremely heavy. He was done drinking for the night, he decided.

"Why'd you stop?" she asked with a pout on her lips.

"Because, we have an audience I'd rather not perform for," he said quietly.

She opened her mouth, ready to respond but he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to him. "Just take it easy for right now. You're going to be sick in the morning," he said, leaning his forehead against her head.

He could feel a headache start to rise, but he chose to ignore it. The night was still pretty young, so he did not want to be a buzzkill by calling an early one.

"I will not. I had that huge glass of water back there, didn't I?" she slurred.

Syaoran chuckled, hearing a hiccup even erupt from her belly. "You're right," he said, deciding to play along with her.

"Oh! Look at all the lights!" she suddenly exclaimed, looking out the window.

His eyes followed hers, looking at all the bright lights in Tokyo. He smiled.

"I've never seen something so beautiful," she said in a daze. "Oh, look! There's a dog!"

For the rest of the ride, Syaoran listened to her random outburst and never-ending rambling about any and everything they drove past.

* * *

"Here, try this too," Sakura said, already stuffing Syaoran's face with the unknown food.

She had been dragging him around this festival for the last two hours, making him taste all the different foods the people had at the stands.

He was on the verge to puking up his insides, but was trying his best to keep it all down.

She had been trying all the food too, so he was surprised none of the food had come back up yet.

He chewed the food slowly, immediately recognizing what it is in his mouth.

"It taste weird, doesn't it?" He read her lips.

It was loud and crowded out, as they were at a festival with thousands of people. It was a wonder how she had not gotten lost yet.

"It's Cantonese food," he said, remembering the rich taste of food in Hong Kong.

He could not help but miss the place, just thinking about the food alone. It had been years since he went back there.

The thought of Hong Kong used to always leave a bitter feeling in his chest, but this time it was quite different. For the first time in his entire life, he missed home.

"I've taste Chinese food before, but it taste slightly different than that..." she said very thoughtfully.

"Well, you might've taste mandarin food. There's different kind," he said.

"Oh wait! You're from Hong Kong, aren't you?" she exclaimed, sounding surprised by her realization.

He smiled a little, being reminded that she was drunk. "Yeah," he said.

"So, it doesn't make sense why you would be in Japan," she said, leaning against him.

He could feel his cheeks warm at the heat from her hot body close to his.

He could not understand why she still had this effect on him when they had been so close—more intimate than her leaning against him slightly.

Suddenly feeling bold, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her even closer to him. He leaned down, kissing the side of her head before kissing down until he reached her ear. He whispered, "Because I want to be with this...beautiful woman who has the most amazing heart I've ever encountered," he said before kissing her ear gently.

"Hoee..." he heard her quietly say over the noise as a blush spread across her face.

He chuckled, moving back from her ear to look at her face. He could tell the natural blush on her face from the cold weather, but he could also see the arousal written all over her face.

He could not help but wonder what would happen when they went back to the hotel room.

The moment his buddy sprung to life at that thought, he mentally piped him down, warning him not to think he would be so lucky to get some tonight.

"We'll visit your hometown one day, right?" she asked, looking at him hopefully.

He could not tell what she was thinking or what she was referring to, due to her drunken state, but he knew she had good intentions in her heart.

"Of course," he promised, meaning it from the bottom of his heart.

"When?" she asked innocently, catching him off guard.

"Uhh..."

When would they visit his hometown?

"Ohhh, we should go to the shrine before it hits New Years," she suddenly changed the subject.

He felt oddly relieved she changed the subject.

"The shrine?" he asked. He had never done this before.

"Of course. We have to start the year off right. You've never done it before? Me and my family normally do it as a tradition," she said. "Come on! We have to head there now," she said, grabbing his hand, dragging him through the crowd of people.

He stumbled in the process before catching himself and walking closely behind her as he excused them through all the people they were pushing.

Unconsciously, he situated their hands to where they could intertwine their fingers. This felt much more comfortable and calming.

He could finally hold her hand in public without either of them giving a care in the world.

Needless to say, it was a nice feeling.

By the time they found the shrines, Sakura had calmed down and seemed to be completely sober. He could not tell if she truly was, or if she was pretending. Something seemed serious about her now, even though nothing had happened between them within the timeframe of them coming here.

A sudden realization hit him, making him feel guilty for his earlier actions.

"Sakura, I'm sorry if the hand holding made you feel uncomfortable in any kind of way—"

She turned to him with a raised brow before holding up their still intertwined hands. "If this felt uncomfortable, I would've let your hand go a long time ago," she said softly.

He felt grateful that it was a lot calmer and more peaceful here, even though it was still a lot of people here.

Everyone seemed to respect what the place is meant for, so for that, he felt relieved.

"It's just...I'll be bringing in the new year with you..." she said.

"Yeah. Is there something wrong with that?" he asked, hearing the concern in his own voice.

He had not wanted her to feel uncomfortable with that thought. Otherwise, he would have never brought them here to Tokyo to bring in the year together.

She squeezed his hand. "Of course not. It's just...I want to cherish this moment forever with you," she said sincerely, making his cheeks warm.

He brought their hands to his lips so he could kiss the back of hers. "I've never done this with anyone before..." he said quietly against the back of her hand.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Brought the year in with someone...like, I usually work," he said, suddenly feeling himself sober now.

Had he already been sober, but had not noticed?

She gasped, looking at him surprised. "Why? You've really celebrated New Years alone?" she asked brokenly.

The alarms went off in his head immediately, hearing the tears in her voice. "It's not a problem or anything. I just choose to, so please don't worry or anything like that," he tried explaining, turning to her.

"That's so sad, though. The feeling that you get from bringing it in with your loved ones is an indescribable feeling. Just...knowing that you made it another year with your loved ones is...great because not everyone gets blessed to see another new year—especially with a loved one," she said.

Syaoran could not understand where this emotional side of her was coming from. It may have hit close to home for her, though. For years she had been thinking that Eichii was dead, so of course this meant a lot to her.

He released her hand, wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her in a warm hug. "I've always just kind of thought of the hospital as my home...my family, because it's all I've ever depended on within the last couple of years of my life. It's not the people or the patients that keeps me there...it's more of the feeling of being there that makes me feel like it's my home, so it's not like I hate how I spend my New Years," he said, holding her tighter.

"Well, you're with me this year then," she said in a promising tone. "As long as I know you, you won't ever spend New Year's alone anymore. I'm going to be the loved one in your life who spends it with you."

He loosened his hold on her, chuckling at her determined and stubborn tone. "I believe you will be," he said.

"Good. I didn't stuff your face with food all night for nothing," she said in a teasing tone. "Papa always told me the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach," she said.

He chuckled, hearing that phrase from somewhere.

He thought it to be cute that she said her father. He remembered it being a mother telling her child that, but soon remembered after that that her father had to play the role as her mother and father.

"So, you were priming me to agree to you being a loved one in my life all night with food?" he asked with a smirk on his face. He moved back so he could look down at her.

She grinned. "Maybe..."

"Well, sweet cheeks," he let his hand boldly slide down to her ass, cupping her cheeks. "You were already a loved one in my life before today."

He leaned down and captured her lips with his.

For a moment, she did not respond, seeming stunned by his sudden, bold affectionate actions, but she responded back, nonetheless.

Deciding to keep the kiss sweet and simple, as they are in public, he pulled back with a grin on his lips.

They were openly showing their interest in each other finally. He never thought they would get to this level with each other. He no longer felt like a dirty little secret.

The question that still lingered in the back of his mind is, would things be this way when they got back home, though?

He brushed it to the side, deciding that he should just enjoy things while they are as they are. They would have to deal with that tomorrow, so there was no point in worrying about tomorrow's problems.

He slid his hands up to the small of her back to make their contact a lot more appropriate. He smiled at her, staring in her adoring green eyes. "I know this isn't the place and time to say this, because there's so many people out and a lot of distractions, but I think I'm ready to tell you. Sakura, you are...the one that I want to—"

"Oh, look!" Sakura interrupted, looking at something behind him. "They never do fireworks in Japan for New Years, so this is something new," she exclaimed.

Just then, he heard the sounds of the firework, though his mind was elsewhere. He wanted to get this out in the open so she could finally know how he truly feels about her.

"Sakura," he called, making her attention revert back to him.

She seemed to be enthralled by the fireworks behind him, so he sighed, releasing her. Her attention span only made him realize how much she had drank earlier.

She definitely was not sober enough for this.

Fireworks never happened in Japan or at these events, so it must have been the gods telling him the time was not right.

He smiled at her before turning in the direction where she was looking, only to see a few fireworks going up.

She walked beside him, making him look at her face. "Whatever you have to tell me, I'd rather you told me when I'm sober and can remember," she said, still looking ahead.

"You're right. It's nothing you should worry about right now anyway. Not more important than fireworks happening on New Year's Eve in Japan," he said, smiling at her.

She grinned, turning to him with her eyes closed. "I'm...really tired," she said.

"It's not even midnight yet," Syaoran said, chuckling when she lied her head on his shoulder.

"I just need to sit down and close my eyes for a moment," she said.

"I don't think that's a great idea. How about we wait a few minutes before—" He stopped mid-sentence, hearing soft snoring coming from her.

He nudged his shoulder gently. "Sakura, you're kidding me, right?" he said, not believing she had just fallen asleep.

When she began to fall forward, his reflexes kicked in and he caught her in just enough time before she could hit the ground.

"Sakura," he called, shaking her gently as he held her limp body up awkwardly.

His eyes scanned their environment, still seeing a lot of people around. There were even some staring at them strangely, making him feel extremely conscious.

Attention had never been his thing and it certainly was not in this moment either.

Deciding he had enough of the awkward position they were in, he picked her up bridal style. He looked for the nearest bench and sat down on it with her laid across his lap.

He knew nothing else he could do aside from taking her home, but there was no way he could walk through this crowd holding an unconscious woman in his arms. People would think all sorts of things about him. More or less, they probably would not even let him get them back to the hotel.

He mentally reprimanded himself for letting her drink so much and taking her out with all these people.

By now, he had sobered up completely, knowing he had to take care of her, which he felt fine with, but this had not been the plan.

This was not how he planned to bring the new year in. He just felt glad that he would be with her the first of the year.

He was certain of what he wants now, despite his confusion of believing that maybe he had been unconsciously looking for love in a woman.

He may have thought that he was looking for love in other women, but it was different with Sakura. From the very start of their relationship, his intent to sleep with her was completely different than it had been with other women in the past. His intent may have been malicious; just wanting to sleep with her in spite of her being the forbidden fruit. Things turned out completely different than he thought they would. Instead of looking for love in her, love came to him with Sakura.

He had heard that things are always better when they come unexpectedly to a person, but he had never believed that statement. Until now.

He looked down at Sakura, a smile tugging at his lips. The thought of a future suddenly seemed so much brighter than he thought.

He heard the crowd roaring the countdown to new year's, yet he did not feel the least bit left out. He was here with the right person and that was all that mattered.

"Happy New Years, Sakura," he whispered, leaning down to brush his lips against hers gently.

His heart leapt when a small smile formed on her lips.

* * *

Syaoran kissed her forehead after tucking her in the hotel bed.

It was past 2am when they had finally made it home.

Sakura had never woken up at the park, so he ended up waiting until the crowd calmed down a bit before he carried her on his back to the uber. She had even slept quietly the entire drive back to the hotel, which resulted in Syaoran having to carry her inside the hotel too, getting strange stares from people.

They had probably thought he was some creep who drugged a woman and took her back to his hotel room. Thankfully, the host at the hotel was quite familiar with him, so they had been nice and made light jokes about her predicament.

They commented how she might be sick, which he agreed until he thought about the weather also making her sick. It had not been snowing out, but it certainly had not been warm out. He had draped his coat over her, but it still had been cold out, so he prayed that she would not be thatkind of sick in the morning.

He sighed, reaching behind him to pull his shirt off. He needed a shower before he could get in bed and call it a night. He could have sworn his bones were icicles now.

He took the rest of his clothes off and kicked them to a corner in the room.

A nice, hot shower was definitely what he needed right now.

When he got to the bathroom, he stared at himself in the mirror, almost unable to recognize the man staring back at him.

Nothing physically had changed about him—maybe he needed to get back to his routine of going to the gym, he noted—but everything still looked the same, physically. He could not place his finger on what looks different about himself though, but there definitely was something.

Maybe time for a haircut.

Imagining his hair cut caused him not to see the change in his appearance. Normally, when he looked at himself in the mirror, there always seemed to be this...dark aura that radiated off him, but now...it was gone. He no longer looked like a miserable man. He looked...happy.

As strange as it sounded, he looked and felt happy. About what, though?

Life.

He finally felt happy about life and himself, which was a first. He may have felt proud of the things he has accomplished in life, but that never meant he felt happy with himself, as a person. He hated the things he had done in the past, and truly does believe they were disgusting, but that is not who he is anymore. He was certain of that now.

He grinned at himself in the mirror before moving over to the shower. He turned the water on, setting it at the perfect temperature.

After he twisted the shower head, he waited a few moments before stepping in the shower.

Immediately, his eyes closed as the hot water hit against his skin with the perfect amount of pressure.

This was exactly what he needed, he thought. A nice, hot shower to send him straight to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Also to relieve the slight headache he could feel creeping on. He was starting to wish he had not drank so much.

He sighed, feeling his muscles relax before the thought of sex crossed his mind. He could not help but wonder why sex always came to mind at the oddest of times.

He just felt happy that it did not come to mind to be used as a coping mechanism this time, though.

For a moment, he felt like a normal man wanting to have sex just because, and not because of his underlying issues; or as a distraction.

With Sakura, he wanted to make love most times, but this time...he just wanted a release justbecause. And that thought felt pretty damn good to know, as odd as it sounded.

The moment his hand began to move down his body to his rising manhood, he felt small, soft arms wrap around his body from behind.

When the hands rest on his chest, he already knew who it was.

 _God, what is she doing?_

* * *

 **A/N: Ahhh! I know it's been a minute since I updated, but please forgive me. Ive legit had this chapter done for like 2 months now, but I have not felt comfortable with any of my stories!**

 **I've read over this chapter at least 7 times, but I just decided today that I would post it! I know I didn't respond to the last few reviews, but they are really what pushed me to post the chapter(though I'm at work doing it on my phone, so please try to look past any grammatical errors since I edited this chapter on my phone!).**

 **Aside from my inner turmoils, I'm extremely excited to get the next chapter out for you guys, considering that our lovely couple will be returning to their lives and facing their biggest problem head-on. This chapter was more of a breather for the couple. Aki does appear in the next chapter, just to give you guys something to look forward to! Syaoran's trial will be starting soon, so more action at the hospital is arriving(something I'm personally excited for).**

 **Things we should all wonder about right now is...will Sakura continue on as his therapist, orrr...will she give the role to her pending status "best friend"? :P. Will she even face him in the next chapter? Does Aki have more secrets to expose about a certain man sitting at an institution? How will Syaoran react to a certain proposal next chapter? :P.**


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